Amnesia

There will be an Epilogue, so the story isn't entirely finished. Sorry for the wait.

----------

Sasuke and Kakashi transformed before they went to the new Hokage tower. No one paid them any mind. Their normal ANBU guard were invisible around them and they perched in and around the corridor Kakashi and Sasuke were forced to wait in until they were called.

Tsunade finally came out to see them.

“It took a lot of arguing, but you can come in with him, Kakashi. They wanted to see him alone. I convinced them that putting Sasuke under that kind of stress was not wise; his Sharingan came out on instinct after all.”

“Thank you,” Kakashi said.

Tsunade escorted them in. There were over a dozen people arrayed against them including the elders Sasuke wanted dead as surely as he wanted Danzo dead. Ibiki, Shikaku, Inoichi, were among them as well. Kakashi saw some of these people as allies, but in this situation, he may not be able to count on them, but at least he didn’t feel he was all alone. Tsunade took her seat, leaving the two of them standing.

“Sasuke, what do you remember?” Koharu Utatane asked right out of the gate.

“The first thing I remember is waking up in that room with Kakashi there. I didn’t know my own name, or his. I don’t remember anything before that.”

“Kakashi, have you noticed anything like memory in him?”

“Nothing. He didn’t even know how to use a jutsu. The basic handseal was all, but I believe him when he said he didn’t know what it meant. All the seals were easy for him to learn, but he didn’t know them. He didn’t respond to any name that should have provoked a response.”

A shinobi leapt down in front of them. Sasuke was startled, but when he saw the face, he didn’t react any further. It was someone henged as Itachi. Sasuke looked at Kakashi. “He kind of looks like me and has your eye.”

“He’s relearning jutsu?” Homura Mitokado asked as if nothing had happened. The transformed shinobi vanished again.

“A few. He picks them up quickly, but he does have to relearn. His body remembers, but his mind does not. There’s no hate, anger, or revenge in this one.”

“Have you figured out how he lost his memory?” Shikaku asked.

“No. If it were a jutsu or some other type of trick, Inoichi would have found it or I would have noticed. No one fears the old Sasuke like I do. I would never hide him. Just look in his eyes. There’s nothing of Uchiha Sasuke in there.”

“The soul doesn’t change,” Koharu said.

“I remember the boy he was; he wasn’t the vengeful angry young man we all fear. He was a boy, smiling, running after his brother. That’s his soul. This one is scared, but he’s that boy.”

“Who is he running after now?” Inoichi always asked the most insightful questions.

“I guess that would be me.”

“Please, enough with the philosophy,” Koharu said. “That sweet innocent boy you’re talking about turned into a scourge. He has the potential to become one again. Following Inoichi-san’s whimsical musing, if you died or betrayed him, we can expect another scourge.”

“I’ll never betray him. It was betrayal that set him off before; it won’t happen again.”

The whole time, Sasuke stood next to Kakashi, looking small and he was thoroughly frightened. But he followed it all. Someone betrayed him and then he . . . .

“What did I do?” Sasuke asked in a small voice.

“You attacked the Kage conference, fought all five, killed the interim Hokage, and threatened to murder us all,” Homura said. “And you killed quite a few shinobi. It was an opening salvo to your own little war of vengeance. You were about to kill us all. You vowed to take vengeance on our village and kill all of us. But then you collapsed.”

“He did go a bit insane,” Kakashi said. “That wasn’t even really him. Killing Danzo sent him around the bend.”

“How many did I kill?” Sasuke asked.

“Forty-seven. Naruto stopped you from going any further,” Kakashi said.

The shock and fear was clear in Sasuke’s eyes.

“This one will never kill,” Kakashi said.

“Then is he valuable to us as a shinobi?”

“He’s a child. Even if he doesn’t have an value as a soldier, a mercenary, he’s still an innocent.”

“He’s innocent until he remembers,” Koharu said.

“He won’t. I’m betting my life. I’m willing to bet all our lives. I’ve dedicated my life to protecting this village and I would never bet it lightly. You say he had the potential to become the avenging demon again, but Naruto and Gaara were the same, but they chose different paths. Just because you have the same starting point doesn’t mean you’ll have the same path or the same destination. He won’t remember, I won’t betray him.”

They all considered for a time.

“Have you anything to say, Sasuke?” Inoichi asked.

“I don’t want to be him. I don’t know him and he’s already haunting me. Even if I remember, I don’t want to be him. If I remember, I’ll have a choice. Right? I can choose not to be that person. I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“The heart of a sixteen year old is stronger than the heart of newborn,” Koharu said.

Kakashi noticed Inoichi looked skeptical at Koharu’s words.

“It’s the more resent,” Kakashi said.

“If neither of you have anything more to say, you can go,” Homura said.

“Just don’t hold him responsible for things he doesn’t remember,” Kakashi said.

“I don’t want to remember who I was,” Sasuke said.

Having already been dismissed, Kakashi put a hand on Sasuke’s back and led him out. They henged and went home.

-----

Sasuke was just as shaken by that meeting as he was when he was nearly murdered in the street.

“What happens now?” Sasuke asked when they were safely home.

“We wait for their decision. I think most of them are on our side. Don’t worry about it. If nothing else, they’ll want to keep you alive in order to revive your clan. You’re too important to throw away.”

Kakashi’s confidence heartened Sasuke. He relaxed.

-----

The next night, Sasuke was reclining on the sofa, resting after dinner. Fucking cat, Kakashi inwardly sighed. Sasuke was dozing and barely opened his eyes when Tsunade knocked on the door.

Kakashi answered; his headband left off while relaxing at home, but kept his eye closed.

“Step outside for a second, Kakashi?”

He had a bad feeling as he complied.

Tsunade lowered her voice. “Kakashi, I tried everything, for you, Naruto, and Sakura, but there was no option. We cannot risk Sasuke regaining his memory. He will be executed. I’ll do it myself. He won’t know it. He’ll just never wake up.”

“But Godamie, that wasn’t the old Sasuke when he was attacked.”

“I know, but it highlighted another problem. There are people who will not forgive or forget. Sasuke will be ostracized and he’ll come to resent it and it will begin again.”

“It won’t; I’ll protect him from that. He’ll have me and his friends. Kiba and Hinata warmed up to him. I promise you, Hokage-sama, I’ll protect him.”

“It’s too late, Kakashi, the council has come to a decision.”

“This will kill Naruto. And me.”

“I’ve already spoken to Naruto and Sakura. They’re willing to give up, they want this to be over and move on. Sasuke’s rejection really hurt them. That isn’t the person they wanted to save.”

Kakashi was swearing in his mind. Those selfish, short-sighted . . . children! They couldn’t have exactly what they wanted so they were willing to let this innocent child be killed! His precious Sasuke. His precious student. His lover. If they were within sight he would have attacked them.

Kakashi’s flesh crawled and he felt tears forming. Why couldn’t Kakashi kill him when he had the chance before it became so much more painful? He promised Sasuke. Finally, Kakashi nodded. He forced out the question, “When?”

“In the morning. I’ll do it before he wakes up. I’ll give him an overdose of a sleeping drug. He won’t know it.”

A tear did fall from Obito’s eye; he was close to openly weeping.

“The quicker the better,” Tsunade continued. “He won’t know unless you tell him.”

I promised him. Kakashi nodded. “Can you stay with him right now? I . . .”

“Go on. I’ll stay with him until you return.” Kakashi nodded again.

Kakashi sought the most secluded spot he could find, in a high tree in the training grounds. He wept like he never had before, he let it all out. He never let himself weep like this, ever. He loved Sasuke. Once he calmed, he used a water jutsu to cool his face. He had to put up a brave face until morning.

Or did he?

He returned home and the Hokage left with a brief grip on his bicep, trying to offer some comfort and strength. He sensed he was alone with Sasuke, no ANBU were posted to make sure Sasuke would be there in the morning.

“Sasuke—Sasuke, they’re . . . They’re going to kill you in the morning.”

Sasuke stood out of shock. “What?”

“They say they can’t risk you ever getting your memory back.”

“But I’m not that person!”

“I know. I have no say.” He looked around. “We’re leaving. Tonight. I promised you; I promised myself. I’ll save you.”

“But . . .”

“We leave or you die. I can’t live without you. I love you.”

Sasuke was silent for half a minute. Then he nodded.

“Pack all our clothes.” Kakashi rushed into the bedroom and pulled out all the baggage he had and handed one to Sasuke. “It doesn’t have to be neat, just so you can get it all in.”

Kakashi became a blur. He gathered everything he could and packed it. He secured a small blanket around Sasuke and coached Sasuke in making four shadow clones to go with four of his own. All five Sasukes clung to the Kakashis’ backs and they left in different directions. Three of the clone pairs were caught, the other and the real pair escaped. Kakashi smiled. Tsunade was letting them go.

-----

Kakashi didn’t stop until after the next sunset; he wouldn’t even let Sasuke walk during that time. Sasuke was still weak for a shinobi and fell asleep despite the uncomfortable motions of his mount.

Finally, they arrived at an inn in a small town a little over half way to the border. He let Sasuke walk into the building and let him carry the baggage Sasuke had been carrying on his back and tied everywhere else Kakashi could secure it. They were given a double room on the ground floor.

The moment they put the things down and Sasuke sat on the bed, Kakashi crouched in front of him, held him tightly, and cried.

Sasuke put his arms around Kakashi’s neck. “I’m sorry. You left your home for me.”

“I don’t care about that; I love you too much. I’m crying because I’m happy you’re alive. I’ll keep my promise this time.”

Kakashi only let go of Sasuke because he was about to collapse from sheer exhaustion. He took off his vest and crawled into the bed. Sasuke crawled in behind him and spooned him for once. Kakashi was out too soon to completely enjoy it. Sasuke fell asleep a few minutes later, so happy to be back in a soft bed after the rough ride.

-----

Sasuke woke up first and watched the older man sleep. Kakashi slept a long time, but he hadn’t slept in twenty-four hours. Sasuke felt guilty for all this though he was happy that Kakashi loved him so much. But he felt enormously guilty. Kakashi had left everything for him. He’d come to fear remembering his past, but he was enormously curious about who he was to warrant so much fear among a village of powerful shinobi. What was he?

Soon, another white haired man came to the partially opened window.

“Eh, Sasuke.”

Sasuke looked at Kakashi and saw that the voice hadn’t wakened Kakashi. He was a little afraid who this could be who knew his name, but he figured if he was a threat, he would have already attacked or reported them.

Sasuke cautiously approached the window. “Are you from Konoha?” he asked.

“Nope.” Suigetsu eased open the window completely. “That was a surprisingly effective trick to get out of there.”

“Who are you?”

“You don’t remember a damn thing, do you? Great jutsu. You probably think ignorance is bliss, don’t you? I wouldn’t want my memories back with a past like yours. Do you want to remember?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember because of a jutsu?”

“Yep.”

“You were a friend of mine then?”

“Sort of. You told me how to undo it. If you want your memories back, you just need to ask. If you do it and you decide you were better off not remembering, you can always just perform the jutsu again if you want.”

“I don’t know. I need to think about it.”

“If you want to remember who you are, ask your masked friend: ‘what was the name of Madara’s brother?’ You’ll remember everything then. See ya soon.” Suigetsu left.

Sasuke sat down in the chair and thought. This man didn’t seem to be a threat, but trying to convince Kakashi of that wouldn’t be easy. He decided not to tell Kakashi about it and consider this on his own. The man was right, if he made the wrong decision, he had an opportunity to do it over.

Kakashi finally woke up. “You must be hungry,” he said. “Will you be okay by yourself while I go get food?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll summon one of my nin-ken, just to be safe.” He summoned Shiba.

Kakashi kissed his young lover, dressed in civilian clothes, and left. Sasuke just sat and waited, having nothing else to do, absently petting Shiba. It felt odd to be out of Kakashi’s company, but he wasn’t nervous; he believed they were safe. It helped he liked and trusted Shiba.

Three days later, Sasuke made his decision. They were still in the same inn as Kakashi rested and considered what to do next. The nin-ken patrolled the area to make sure no shinobi came near.

“Kakashi, what was the name of Madara’s brother?”

“His brother?” Kakashi was confused and a little worried. How did Sasuke know Madara’s name or know he had a brother? But he answered. “I think he had four brothers. But the only one whose name I know is Izuna.”

It was like something in his brain snapped. It wasn’t painful, just overwhelming. As memories flooded his consciousness, Sasuke grabbed his head and lost his balance. He fell to the floor and the horror of some of those memories made him back up into the wall as if he could physically escape the images in his head. Sasuke screamed and tears poured from his eyes as he saw his parents and clan murdered through Itachi’s genjutsu and the memories he’d given him, his brother’s words that night, the truth about the brother he learned to hate. He thought he might die from the emotional pain pouring into him.

Kakashi knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he crouched in front of Sasuke and tried to calm him. Sasuke was too overwhelmed mentally to comprehend that he was being touched in the real world.

Someone was knocking at the door. Kakashi answered it and told the innkeeper that his adopted son was prone to night terrors. He placated the women and she left. He went back to crouching in front of Sasuke.

Before his mind could fully acclimate to his returning memories, Sasuke opened his eyes and attacked the person in front of him. Instinct took over and his hands sought a weapon, going for Kakashi’s weapon pouch. He had Kakashi on his back with a kunai suddenly at his throat. His eyes were full of confusion and rage, but as they stared into Kakashi’s single gray eye his eyes filled with more confusion and softness. He pushed himself off of Kakashi and backed against the wall, dropping the kunai.

Kakashi pushed himself up to a reclining position and they stared at each other. “You’ve remembered.”

Sasuke nodded. “Everything.” His voice was broken and weak with a little hysteria at the edges, but it was deeper as it used to be. Sasuke shut his eyes. His two sets of memories and personalities melded. He didn’t feel any duality; there wasn’t an old him and a new. He didn’t have the control of his emotions that he once enjoyed and tears continued to pour from his eyes even if his expression was his normal blank one. It wasn’t the Sasuke Kakashi remembered that looked at him when Sasuke opened his eyes again, but neither were they the innocent, loving ones he’d grown used to so quickly.

“Don’t look so scared,” Sasuke said, his voice harder. “I remember everything, my family, Itachi, you and the others, Orochimaru, Madara, everything. But I also remember the last few weeks. I was right: some part of me always loved you. I still love you. And I’m done with revenge; Konoha is safe from me. I’m done with all that. But I can understand if you don’t want to stay with me. Go home. Go back to Konoha and say that I regained my memory and used my Sharingan to make you help me escape. But I will never return to Konoha.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

Sasuke smiled somewhere between his recent smiles and his old smirk.

“What happened to make you remember?”

“Suigetsu. He was finally able to get close enough to me to trigger my memory when you were asleep. It was a jutsu Orochimaru developed using the jutsu Sasori used on his spies—like Kabuto—as a starting point. He wanted it to make people a clean slate that he could manipulate and sculpt into loyal tools. I decided that I could use it if Naruto proved to be more powerful than I anticipated. He was. All my memories were sealed away until I heard the trigger word: Izuna. Suigetsu was to find me and say the word to reawaken me. I knew Naruto wouldn’t let anything happen to me. But being in Konoha and with you constantly in my company, Suigetsu never had an opportunity. Until now.

“But I’m done. I don’t want revenge anymore, I don’t want to hate anymore. I want to disappear from this world and just live my life. With you. The man you’ve grown to love isn’t dead, there’s just more to him now. But if you can’t trust me, I can perform the jutsu again. I’m sure I’ll fall in love with you again. Even with my memory gone, that seems to survive no matter what.”

“I love you and I trust you. It’s your choice if you want to forget all the pain in your life.”

“Then I’ll stay. I felt like a shelled animal exposed to the world without defenses. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and it would be a shame to forget all the jutsu I’ve learned and created. Thank you for everything. It was a nice vacation from my life.”

“This may not be the time, but you weren’t a virgin.”

“Orochimaru.”

“He raped you.” Kakashi let his anger show.

“No.” Sasuke almost laughed even with the tears still falling from his eyes. “It was consensual. He was trying to seduce me for months and I finally gave in. I was a fourteen year old boy, I wanted it. There are plenty of reasons to hate Orochimaru, but that’s not one of them. He was actually pretty good to me. I don’t really regret any of my time with him; it’s what I had to do.”

Sasuke’s smile turned a little evil. “In fact, it was I who raped him. I grew tired of him always topping and I got him to like bottoming for a change.”

Sasuke wiped his face. “Suigetsu’s waiting for my decision, but I look like shit, don’t I?”

“Sort of. You’re still attractive like that.”

Sasuke smiled. “He can wait until morning. I’m incredibly tired.”

“As long as you don’t attack me when you wake up.”

Sasuke almost laughed again. “I can’t promise anything.” He crawled into bed. “By the way, since you’re staying, I should warn you: now that I remember, I expect to top sometimes.”

“Alright,” Kakashi smiled behind his mask. He made sure Sasuke was secure and stayed up to watch over him.

-----

Sasuke woke up looking worse than when he went to sleep, but he didn’t attack. It helped that Kakashi had been rubbing his back with low chakra whenever the on edge jounin woke up from his naps. Even the old Sasuke was completely used to Kakashi presence now.

“Are you alright?” Kakashi asked delicately.

“I think I had nightmares all night.”

Kakashi knew Sasuke had changed from his old self when Sasuke pressed himself into Kakashi’s chest like a child. Kakashi put his arms around him.

Without moving away, Sasuke said, “We need to get out of here. Even if the Hokage let us go, there will be ANBU and hunter-nins searching for us.”

Kakashi kissed his hair. “How about the Land of Waves? No shinobi down there. I’m sure they could use some shinobi protection.”

“Tazuna and that brat. Tsunami was a good cook. Are you really okay with this? Losing the innocent me?”

“I am. I love you both and you’re the same person.”

“Hn.”

Kakashi smiled. “Take a good hot shower and then we’ll eat, pack, and leave. We’ll find that teammate of yours and get out of here.”

“I’m still not that strong; I’ll be a bit of a liability. I’ll run as long as I can to train my muscles, but I won’t be able to keep up. I wish one of us had a horse for a summon.”

“I’ll carry you when you get tired.”

Sasuke gave an amused hum. “As for our stuff, can’t you give it to that big dog of yours and have him take it with him? Then we can summon him back for it.”

“I was too panicked to think of that.”

Kakashi pulled Sasuke away and looked at his face. He still looked terrible. There was some of the old hostility there, but that could have been the lack of good sleep, but there was also an openness and softness there. Kakashi gave him a brief kiss on the lips.

“Take a shower; I’ll get food.”

It was midday. Kakashi bought the most high calorie, filling food he could find and a big ripe tomato which used to be Sasuke’s favorite. He also found a store in this tiny town that sold shinobi field rations and some shinobi gear in Sasuke’s size. Ever since Sasuke came back he only had three sets of civilian clothes and that one set of shinobi blues. Shinobi grade shoes were a must and some warmer clothes.

Last night and this morning, Kakashi had no doubts. Yet now that he was away from Sasuke, one of the very few times in the last few weeks, Kakashi did wonder if he really could continue to love Sasuke now that the old cold, vicious Sasuke was back.

Sasuke ate like he hadn’t eaten since he fought Naruto. On some psychological level, Sasuke probably felt like he hadn’t.

“You’re eating more than Naruto ever did,” Kakashi commented.

Sasuke looked up at him with annoyed eyes. Those few doubts Kakashi had while he was gone, evaporated.

Kakashi smiled. “How I’ve missed you,” he sighed. “I love the innocent boy you’ve been, but I’ve missed you.”

Sasuke smirked at him. “Let’s wait until dark to move out.” He turned to the tomato and ate it like it was manna.

“Alright.”

“But I have to digest a bit.”

“You have time.”

“Are you really that dumb? I’ve been the innocent idiot for the last . . . whatever. So I don’t really know if you have lost IQ points since I left Konoha three years ago.”

“You were never sultry with Orochimaru, were you?”

“No.”

“And you definitely weren’t as the innocent little boy with amnesia. You really need to do more with your eyes when you’re making a sexual invitation. A smirk from you can mean a lot of different things and I’m out of practice telling what your different smirks mean.”

“Different smirks? I have more than one?”

“Oh, yes. I’ll file that one under: Seduction.”

“Fuck. You.”

-----

Hokage-sama,

Sasuke has regained his memories, but he’s done with revenge. He has decided to close that chapter of his life. We’ll stay away from Konoha and I’ll remain beside him and will stop him if he changes his mind; I don’t think he will. It was a jutsu that sealed away his memories and one of his newer teammates appeared to unseal his mind. It might be best to tell Naruto and Sakura—and everyone else for that matter—that we’re dead. These eyes I’ve enclosed are from Madara’s lab. Sasuke used senbon to render them useless. But please let Kiba, Hinata, and Neji know the truth; I don’t want them to think they were tricked. Sasuke appreciated Kiba and Hinata’s friendship.
Thank you for letting us go. I swear you won’t regret it.

Kakashi

----------
TBC