Fading Dream

Chapter 5: Nightmarish daydreams. A gap

He's leaving the shower. His hair is still damp when he leaves his room. It's snowing, but he doesn't care. He just wants to go back to the greenhouse as fast as possible. He's rushing over the still sleepy campus. He knows what will happen and he needs to prevent it.

He's running, but he's not moving. He won't be there in time. Again.

He's standing in the greenhouse now. There's something on the ground. There, where he's usually sitting.

He's crouching beside it. Confused. Angry. He doesn't care that it's clearly written all over his face.

He opens the letter.

"Sorry"

Naruto won't come back again. He didn't make it in time and stop the blond.

He was away just an hour.

…

Gaara yanked out of his daydream. He still wasn't able to sleep, but whenever he rested now, unsteady images and memories appeared in his mind. He looked at his clock, seeing it was late enough to get ready for the day. This time the shower was real, not a memory, the hot water was actually streaming down his body.

He had those dreams on a regular basis. Though his scar didn't hurt anymore, today his chest did. After so many years, again … He rested his head against the cold tiles and waited for  the feeling that narrowed his lungs to disappear.

He left the bathroom still naked and a bit damp, toweling his hair. He liked to have his own apartment. It's so much more comfortable than the shared bathroom back at the green leaf. While walking back to his bedroom he flipped the TV in the living room on. The anchor told the day would be a sunny and nice day, hot for late June. After choosing something decent to wear, he turned to the kitchen and turned his attention to his drug. Coffee.

It was still too early to go out, so he just sat in his couch, vacantly listening to the anchor talking about a robbery last night, and sipped his coffee. His gaze fell to the hairpin on the coffee table.

…

A letter, a white box and a cactus were in the greenhouse.

No Naruto.

He waited for him for hours.

Curious he opened the white box. A pie with cream and strawberries.

He waited again.

He never ate cake before. If Naruto would be angry if he started without him?

Time elapsed.

He tasted a single strawberry with some cream. It was delicious.

It was dark outside by now. The cake was gone, his own fault for being late and depositing the cake here forehand.

Gaara lay down on his back. Usually time wouldn't go by so slow. And it wasn't like Naruto to be late.

He opened the letter. He didn't know what to think.

'Sorry'

Nothing more. Just an hairpin.

He looked at the cactus. It had bright red flowers.

The hairpin adorned a red heart with an orange outline.

…

He didn't remember what happened after that. Everything was black. He heard someone calling his name. When he opened his eyes, he saw his brothers brown eyes, not blue. He wanted to close his eyes again, but his brother shook him brutal.

"Don't you dare to die now!" It was more worrying than a threat.

They said he wasn't in his room for two days before they went searching for him. They were sorry they didn't start earlier, but knowing his moods, it could also have been that he just spend a night somewhere else again. When they found him lying on the ground in the greenhouse, they feared him being dead. But he still breathed, he wasn't dead. Not yet.

Some days later he heard students whispering about Narutos disappearance while looking at him when he was out to get more coffee. It was just as if the ground swallowed Naruto.

The final blow came three months later. Sakura, he remembered her name by now, announced, Naruto had been adopted on Christmas Eve, to their friends. They called it a little wonder.

Gaara called it being left alone in hell on earth.

He didn't want to drink or eat anything at this time. The idea his big brother had back then in the greenhouse was somehow appealing to Gaara. His siblings had to struggle him down several times to make him at least drink something. Just like his demon didn't devour his sanity, when he was unconscious after the fox left him, his sand didn't react anymore, neither on its own, nor on Gaaras will. He tried to refuse the force-feed, ran away every time he saw his siblings, but his body was weakened.

After some time he felt the pink-haired girl stalking him with a camera. When she didn't stop, he let her take a photo of him. He knew it would be for Naruto, since their little club posed last time for a group photo.

But he would let neither her nor him let go off so easily. He somewhat posed for her, hoping her underdeveloped brain would get the hint, and waited. As soon as she got a photo that made her happy, he rushed at her, yanking the camera out of her hand and crushed it under his feet. It was a relieving feeling. Not as good as planting his fist in Narutos face, but still good.

From time to time he heard some news about Naruto. There were also moments, when he wanted to ask stalker-girl about the blond. But every time, he even just looked in her direction, she ran away. A few times he tried to chase after her, until their club cut off his way. As much as he was accustomed to Narutos presence, socializing still wasn't his good point, and a crowd of people was the last thing he wanted to face. Soon he stopped to point his ears out for the talk about Naruto.

He didn't know why, but the day he heard about Narutos adoption and when he realized, Naruto hadn't told him and won't do, something deep inside him died. Trying to revive this part of himself made him weak. He felt like a little kitten without claws. Being weak was no option, so he let go of the part that held on to the blond. 

Maybe his siblings noticed his change, maybe they were even worried. However, they started to treat him different. They cared.

He didn't care enough anymore to keep on shrugging them off.

Kankuro tried several times to entertain him with one of his dolls or a puppet show. One day there was even a doll sitting on his bed, a red ribbon tied around her neck. Sadly it wasn't one of those Kankuro smuggled into the school, one with a blade inside. Temari … Was just there for him, if you wanted to say it this way. Sometimes she was pushy, forced him to spend his time with her and to eat something, but Gaara learned to get along with her by time.

Time flew by just like the snow melted the day he first saw it and tried to catch it with his hands. After years he didn't even remember passing, he found the hairpin again. His chest ached when he remembered the blond kid. So cute after all. His sun while sitting between cactuses.

He wouldn't be able to forget or forgive him. Why not preserving the pain and prevent himself from making the same fault again? From this day on the hairpin was his second memento.

…

He left his apartment.

What would Naruto be like now? Did he change a lot? Gaara didn't really change. He was still the same. People told him he was friendlier now. Though he couldn't tell if they were right.

About his moods … He wasn't violent anymore. Together with Naruto his urge to cause pain slowly disappeared.

He wiped the blond out of his mind for now and went downstairs.

 

---

 

Naruto left the bus. He stretched his back and let out a relieved sigh, sitting all night long in a bus was not good.

The wind blew through his hair and he took a deep breath. But it was good being back.

He took just a few things with him and to be honest, he didn't knew where to stay for now, maybe a hotel for the first week. But at least he was back in Konoha. In his bag were just some clothes and his seven photos. Those photos were somewhat his treasure. The one of his family. A more recent one of Jiraiya. Aka sniffing at flowers. The group photo of his fellow green leafs. A photo of Sasori,  Deidara, Kisame, Yahiko, Konan, Nagato and him, shot at the lake in the summer before the accident. Konan and Nagato cuddling on the bench at the lake, the sunset in the background dyeing the cloudy sky red and orange. And Gaara.

He wondered if the redhead was still the same. He was still the same.

Well, he was taller and you saw that he was an adult now, but he still was the same. He still had his bright yellow hair, which resisted gravitation and stuck in all directions. His skin was still lightly tanned, maybe a bit more than when he was 12. He still worked out regularly to get not too soft after leaving his green leafs, and of course he still had the same blue eyes and the marks on his cheeks. Naruto mused if Gaara, if he still lived in Konoha, would be able to recognize him.

Somehow he hoped the redhead was still as cute and small as he was back then. On the other hand he hoped for him to grew at least a bit. A teenager caged in the body of a child was not funny at all. He must be about 16 now …

Thinking back, Naruto didn't even understand anymore why he was so feared. Yeah, he was a little violent from time to time, but he looked just too adorable! Gaara was somehow like Aka, sometimes biting and scratching, but nothing serious in the end, somehow shy and cute when excited.

He recalled the image of him that stood for six years on his desk and sighed. He still didn't like the look in his eyes. Naruto thought about Jiraiyas comment once again, he didn't like to admit it, but if Gaara would be a girl, he might have fallen for 'her'. Just too loveable.

His mood turned more somber. Maybe he even didn't live in Konoha anymore. To say, he neither saw nor heard about him for five and a half years. And even if he did - how should he approach him?  'Hi, I'm sorry I didn't tell you then, but I was adopted. Friends?' No way.

Naruto strolled vacant through the streets of his native town. The town changed in his absence. Where the bakery was back then, was a café called 'Oasis'. He puckered his brows, he liked the cake they sold there.

He had passed the café for some time and tried to remember the way to the fountain, where he wanted to meet up with Sakura. She had been happy, when he told her he would come back, and had already told him, that her hair is shorter now, so he wouldn't be too shocked. Other than that, he only knew she still had the same character, and he still loved her. Maybe, if everything turned to his favor once in his life, he was able to stay at Sakura's until he found an apartment for his own. Not that he minded staying with her longer, but he didn't want to bother her more than necessary. Enough space was important for their relationship.

While he was musing about his future with Sakura, he almost didn't hear the rustling of clothes and the typical sound of someone sprinting behind him. Wait. It was way to gentle for a normal sprinting person. And it was fast.

He stopped and snapped his head over his shoulder, just to have something hit is  cheek with full power, pulling him from his feet. Naruto landed on his bottom and rubbed his cheek while picking himself up. He hadn't felt such a hit in years. But the angle was too high.

Naruto wanted to start complain at whoever just hit him. No sound left his parted lips when he looked at the other man's face. He wasn't sure if he should believe his eyes.

Those green eyes, flaming with anger. No one else had those eyes. Again a hit, but this time not that hard and against his chest. Almost desperate.

Unbelieving he stared at the tall man in front of him that glared back down at him. He was about a head taller than Naruto. Besides being taller, the stature was still the same, skinny. His hair was a bit longer than then, but still messy. Naruto was surprised to see the hairpin he bought almost six years ago, holding back a tendril of blood-red hair, which would cover his scar otherwise. His face looked more mature, Naruto guessed, girls would call him handsome. His eyes were still black rimmed, but softer, it fitted him even more than when he was a child. On the same side of his face like the scar a small silver ring was pierced through his lower lip. Except for his flushed cheeks his skin was just as pale as it used to be. His dress style was also still the same, heavy and loose fitting combat boots, drainpipe jeans, mesh-shirt and a slim t-shirt, all in black, though the collar was missing.

Despite, or maybe because of breathing heavy from running and anger, he looked gorgeous. Narutos heart made a little jump. Why the hell did his heart jump?! The man's gaze went soft. Eventually he let his head fall to his chest and turned around, slowly walking away. Naruto needed a moment to realize what just happened and that he was about to fuck up a second time. He took some steps and reached his arm out. He faltered for a moment.

The redhead wasn't cute anymore, but dangerous sexy despite being a guy.

Then he clutched the shirt. "Gaara?"

 

---

 

There was some time in his life when his heart skipped a beat every time he saw a person with blond hair. Now not anymore. But this certain shade of yellow in the crowd this morning made him startle. He smirked sad to himself and opened the door to his shop. When he was inside he turned the sign with the shop hours to 'Open'.

Just in this moment the blond had to look in his direction. Apparently he didn't see him. But Gaara saw him. Stunning blue eyes, slightly tanned skin and whisker marks. His golden fox.

"DAMN. BLOODY HELL."

Why did he have to show up today? Just after he had one of this dreams again. He turned his gaze around as if the furniture of his shop would give him any answers. Eventually he realized what he just did. And what he just saw. Suddenly a wave of anger overruled him. All those feelings, after gone missing for years, were back.

"Hit him, beat him up, into a pulp, hurt him. KILL HIM."

He decided to run for the blond,  flipped the sign again and closed the door behind him. He almost wasn't able to lock the door up since he started to shake like hell in anticipation. This wasn't funny. And Naruto had to pay for it. Damn, he hadn't been violent for years now. It wasn't like himself, but it made live easier.

Gaara spotted the blond easily in the crowd and run after him. Luckily he turned his head just in time to let his fist hit the blonds face. Naruto still hadn't seen him.

When the fox directed his gaze to him, he just stood there, gasping, mouth open like a fish. Gaara didn't know what he should think about him. He took in his features in a brief moment. He was still as cute as he was back then despite the lurid orange shirt.

But either, Naruto didn't recognize Gaara and was now scared, or he didn't want to see him. Both leaded to the same result, Naruto changed. Gaara was disappointed. Not that he really had hopes beforehand, but there was a spark glowing in the dark. Not yet smothered. He bumped Narutos chest. Maybe he was just sleepy and slow. Nothing happened. He took in the blonds features a second time, trying to memorize them as good as possible, before he turned to walk back, finally opening his shop for the daily routine.

After some steps he was suddenly stopped by a tugging on his shirt.

"Gaara?"

He didn't know what to do. So he hadn't recognize him after all. Gaara brushed of the hand that still clutched to his shirt and restarted his walk. Naruto appeared in the corner of his eye. Gaara gave him a glare, his face blank. The blond looked worried.

"What's up?" Naruto asked, his brows puckered in sorrow.

The last thread ripped. "YOU KNOW EXACTLY 'WHAT'S UP'! I'VE BEEN WAITING FIVE AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS FOR YOU PRICK AND WHAT DO YOU? YOU DON'T SEE ME WHILE WALKING PAST AND STARING AT ME. YOU DON'T HEAR ME COMING AT YOU ANYMORE. YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING GET WHO I AM WHEN I'M STAYING IN FRONT OF YOU!" he raged at him, coming closer and closer, his bode tense and his hands clenched into fists. "And last: you're not the same anymore," he hissed at him when their faces were apart just some centimeters. His fingernails drew blood from his skin.

A fist made acquaintance with his face. "Sorry that I didn't want to make a commotion on the shopping street in broad daylight. There were reasons why I wasn't able to contact you. When you would use your head instead of your fists at least once, you would knew them by now. And just to your information: You don't look like five years passed, but more like ten! Sorry it took me some time to compare the picture of the cute, adorable Gaara I knew, with the you now!" Naruto shouted back snippy.

This time Naruto turned his back to Gaara and continued his way.

 

---

 

Naruto turned around and left Gaara to let him live his own life, in which he apparently wasn't welcomed.

Suddenly he felt two arms snare him and tugging him against a flat chest.