Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: August 25th 2007, Saturday
second version: December 26th 2008, Friday

Full version

.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

.
.

62: With you

.
.

Shikamaru was pulling sheets and covers from the wardrobe in his parent’s bedroom when Sasuke walked in and closed the door behind him. The friend glanced Sasuke’s way and his eyes carried something and nothing at the same time, as always.

“Hey,” Sasuke said.

“Hey.”

“When did you get back?”

“Couple of hours ago,” Shikamaru said. He walked over to Sasuke and dropped the pile of folded sleepover equipment on Sasuke’s outstretched arms. “While you were sleeping with your boyfriend in my bed.”

It was the innocent meaning of ‘sleeping’.

After the talk where Sasuke had finally said what it felt like he had wanted to say for months, even though not even a day had passed since his brain fully realized that ‘yes, Naruto is worth more than his own weight in diamonds and that’s why I want to stay with him’, Sasuke and Naruto had gone to the kitchen and reheated the food Lee had left for them. It had been good. Naruto had explained, without needing to, that Lee was a great cook. He spent a lot of time in the kitchen; because eating good food was important when you trained and because he shared the housework with his father, Gai. There was no mother apparently.

They had done the dishes together. Naruto had washed, Sasuke had dried. Then Naruto had dragged Sasuke back to Shikamaru’s bedroom and insisted they get some sleep. ‘You looked like you were going to fall asleep on your food!’ he had said. It was a lie, of course. Sasuke had never been sleepy enough to fall asleep on his food. He had been tired however, yawning more than had been comfortable, and hadn’t really struggled on the way to the bed. It was okay to use it, Naruto had said. He had slept there the previous night.

Naruto had said he wasn’t tired himself but he wanted to keep Sasuke company. ‘I’m not leaving you,’ he had repeated, as if that promise had included all situations. For a moment a part of Sasuke had been worried that there would be problems when he needed to use the bathroom and have sessions with the old lady, then he told that part of himself to stop thinking idiot thoughts.

Naruto had said he wasn’t tired, but either he was lying or had bad connections with his body, because within minutes the guy was out like a streetlight at dawn. Sasuke had lain for a moment and just listened to his boyfriend breathing. The room had been bright even with the curtains pulled over the window; nothing like Orochimaru’s curtains. Sasuke had thought that this was probably where Naruto had been when he himself had been sleeping on the bathroom floor; crying on the bathroom floor. There was such a difference between falling asleep close to Naruto and falling asleep away from him. Sasuke had had a warm arm wrapped around his shoulder.

When Sasuke woke up again the room had been early evening dark. Naruto had been awake and watching him with two emotions mixed in his eyes. One that said ‘this is the most beautiful sight ever’ and one that said ‘he could disappear at any moment’. It had been embarrassing for a moment and Sasuke had wanted to huff and say something like ‘idiot’ or ‘silly’ or ‘stupid’. But the feeling had passed and instead of talking, Sasuke had given a small hint of a soft smile, more with his eyes than with his mouth, and leaned closer to kiss the blue-eyed boy staring at him. It had been a soft, non-dirty kiss; with tongue, but in a clean way. Afterwards Naruto had smiled and the ‘he could disappear at any moment’ emotion had run away.

“You said it like we really were sleeping,” Sasuke told to Shikamaru and leaned against the door.

“Because I’m an optimist,” Shikamaru grumbled and made a sort of grumpy face.

Sasuke couldn’t help but smile at that. Shake his head.

“You’re such a liar.”

“Did you do it?” Shikamaru asked. “With him, before you left.”

He asked in a casual ‘did you buy that CD?’ kind of way, but there was no doubt of what he was talking about. Sasuke’s smile faded a little, changed to a more contemplating, less happy one. But they were friends. It wasn’t a weird question, was it?

“Yeah,” Sasuke said and it wasn’t until he did that the curl of what felt like pure energy took a trip around his stomach. He found that he was looking at Shikamaru’s arms instead of at his friend’s face, fiddling with the pile of cloth that had been given to him. “Did he tell you?”

“Not really,” Shikamaru gave a sigh that was so soft it almost wasn’t there. “He just said enough about how you left that I could guess. You took his clothes?”

“Mine were in his room, I didn’t want to wake him,” Sasuke said. “He was... I didn’t want him to notice. I was in the bathroom.”

“Did he hurt you?” Shikamaru asked. “Is that why you left?”

Sasuke’s eyes flickered up and he frowned and felt treated like a girl for a second; one of the weak ones, not Neji’s cousins. Like he couldn’t beat up Naruto in his sleep.

“No,” he said, his voice carrying a tint of ‘I’m insulted’.

“He said he didn’t mean to,” Shikamaru continued. “Though it sounded like he thought he had.”

“He didn’t,” Sasuke said firmly. “I left because I’m fucked up. You know I am.”

“I know you’re scared,” Shikamaru said.

“Because I’m fucked up.”

It was silent for a moment. Shikamaru didn’t say anything more. Sasuke felt like he was hiding behind the sleepover equipment and wondered if maybe he should go. But there were things left to say.

“Is that why you let him come with the others on that stupid, suicidal “rescue-mission”? Because you thought he had hurt me?”

“I didn’t think he had hurt you,” Shikamaru sounded frustrated, like words were stupid. “I just wanted to... needed to ask.”

“You worry about me,” Sasuke said and his voice was softer than it had been before.

“Yeah. It comes with being your friend. As it comes with being your foster father and your boyfriend.”

Sasuke smiled, an ‘I’ve heard this before’ smile, shook his head and looked away.

“I’m serious, Sasuke,” Shikamaru said, put the back of his hand to the side of Sasuke’s face and turned it back so that their eyes met. “You’re not the only person in your life. What you do affects the people around you. That’s why I let Naruto come with the others to rescue you.”

The smile on Sasuke’s lips faded. If it had been any other person, Sasuke would have pushed away and snarled something offensive, probably. But this was Shikamaru. The glare that should have come stayed away.

“He would have killed them,” Sasuke said and couldn’t quite recognize the voice that came out. “He would have killed him. If I hadn’t showed up.”

“Are you surprised?” Shikamaru raised a brow. He knew who Sasuke was talking about; was just as bad as Kakashi when it came to worrying about Orochimaru. “You know what kind of a man he is.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything. He did know, and would have been surprised if the man hadn’t tried anything. But still... After enough silence, Shikamaru sighed and scratched his head.

“Though... I knew Gaara wouldn’t have let that happen. And you would have heard the gun shots and...”

“I almost went home!”

There was another silence for a short moment. Shikamaru looked surprised.

“You thought I was staying until someone came to pick me up?” Sasuke asked and he was grateful for the anger, grateful that it was justified, even though there wouldn’t have been a problem at all if it hadn’t been for him.

“I didn’t think he’d let you leave,” the friend almost whined. Then he sighed again and grumbled. “Gaara might have been able to shot his way out anyway. He is Gaara of the Sand.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot.” Sasuke said. “You’re an optimist these days.”

Shikamaru sat down on the floor and pulled at Sasuke’s arm to have him sit down as well. Sasuke didn’t argue. He let his back slide against the door and his legs cross. It felt even more like he was hiding behind the pile now that it was in his lap. But the friend was hiding his eyes behind a hand so maybe it was okay. Sasuke felt like a misbehaved child and time passed.

The TV could be heard from the living room. Lee and Gaara had been watching some movie when Sasuke and Naruto came out of Shikamaru’s bedroom. When they had eaten, Naruto had given Sasuke a smile and the soft touch of a hand along his arm before they went their separate paths; Sasuke going to find his friend, Naruto to join his. Shikamaru’s parents were still away.

“What did he say?” Sasuke broke the almost silence eventually. “Naruto. When he called you.”

Shikamaru uncovered his eyes and the hand ended up over his nose and mouth instead. He watched Sasuke for a moment before he let his breath out in a slow huff.

“He was surprised that I knew who was calling,” he said. “I saved the number that time when you called from his house. He said you were missing. He had looked for you. You hadn’t left a note or said anything. He asked if you were at my place, said he hadn’t seen you since Friday night.”

“He said he’s not sad that he fell in love with me,” Sasuke said. “Before, in your room. That he’s not letting me go.”

Shikamaru watched him as he spoke. His eyes didn’t carry a trace of boredom this time. Like Sasuke’s story was immensely interesting. The hand had lowered to steady his chin. Sasuke hesitated for a moment, then leaned forward and lowered his voice to what felt like a whisper.

“I think I’m in love with him. No, I... I’m pretty sure that I am. It feels strange.”

After a few heart beats, Shikamaru’s mouth spread in a smile.

“Are you sure you’re not... totally in love with him?” he asked.

Sasuke couldn’t help it; he remembered the stupid time when Naruto and Shikamaru first met and he laughed. Not an ‘out loud’ laugh, but loud enough that he had to hold a hand over his mouth to try and dampen the sound. Shikamaru was laughing as well. Soft, whispery laughs that wouldn’t be heard outside the room. It felt like one of the silly and serious talks with Kakashi. It didn’t need an answer, Shikamaru’s question, so Sasuke didn’t give one. And really, was there a scale to the being in love thing? Could you be in love a little and a lot? It felt impossible. Either you were or you weren’t.

“You two have my blessing,” Shikamaru said when the laughter had softened and turned into smiles.

“Thank you,” Sasuke said in a mock serious tone.

They smiled at each other for a while, before Shikamaru leaned closer. He put his elbow on the pile now resting in Sasuke’s lap.

“So how was it?”

“How was what?” Sasuke asked, even though the swirling in his stomach told him what his friend was asking. It wasn’t like it was anything strange, right? It was a question friends should ask each other. He shouldn’t be blushing.

“Come on,” Shikamaru smirked. “You know what I mean. Don’t be shy.”

Sasuke loved the friend for treating it like it hadn’t been followed by Sasuke running away from home again.

“It was... big,” Sasuke said and found his eyes suddenly unfocused, as if he was searching for something that was not visual. Then he realized what he had said and hurried to look at Shikamaru. “The experience.”

“Of course,” the friend said like he was lying.

“It meant more than I thought it would mean,” Sasuke ignored the bait and continued. “It made a difference in places I didn’t know it would make a difference in.”

“Was it good?”

“Well...” Sasuke frowned and struggled to find some good words that didn’t sound bad but at the same time weren’t a lie. “It depends on how you look at it.”

Shikamaru was suddenly frowning too.

“Did you top or bottom?”

Sasuke found his face warming even more.

“He had read the book,” he hurried to say. “A... A book. He wouldn’t let me... top.”

“What book?”

“I don’t know,” Sasuke scrunched up his nose. “Just some book. A good book. From the library. Health and body section.”

Shikamaru snickered.

“It was good thinking!” Sasuke defended. “There are things you have to know.”

“Yeah!” Shikamaru smiled. “I agree. The guy’s got guts. Very sweet of him.”

“I never should have told you,” Sasuke muttered and tried to look upset. “I never should have said anything.”

Shikamaru made an ‘oh, really?’ face.

“No,” Sasuke said and made a face. “I’m changing the subject. Are the mattresses where they should be?”

“It was that bad, huh?”

“It wasn’t bad! It was...!” Sasuke was looking for more of those good-but-not-lies words. Unfortunately they were very good at hiding. Sneaky words. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. Yeah, it was... fairly horrible. But if that was because of me... you know, my head, or because of what we were doing... I don’t know. I don’t... really remember.”

Sasuke was looking at the sheets on the top of the pile. They were white with pale, pale yellow flowers.

“It’s sort of a blur,” he mumbled.

“You know what I think?” Shikamaru said after a moment.

“I should get brain surgery and become celibate?”

“I think you guys just need some practice.”

Sasuke snorted in half-amusement, half-disbelief.

“I’m serious,” Shikamaru continued. “How many hours of practice did it take for you to get where you are with fighting? Kissing?”

At that Sasuke rolled his eyes and glanced at Shikamaru. The friend looked serious, friendly serious.

“Are you saying I gave you a crappy first kiss?” Sasuke raised a brow.

“Nah,” Shikamaru shrugged. “But you’ve improved since then, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke smiled. “I suppose I have.”

The first person that had kissed Sasuke had been a blondish, tall guy that used a lot of tongue. It had gone fast and been over almost before Sasuke had had a chance to fully grasp what was happening. It had felt very wet and very sloppy and Sasuke had been thirteen. Afterwards the blondish guy had grinned and asked if it had been Sasuke’s first time. Sasuke had smirked and lied and said it wasn’t. The feeling of the kiss had stayed on his lips for hours afterwards. He had no idea what the guy’s name was and hadn’t seen him again after that.

When Shikamaru came over to Sasuke’s place a day or so after, Sasuke had asked if his friend had ever kissed anyone before. At the half-amused, half-confused, snorted ‘no’ answer, Sasuke had decided that he was going to be the first. He had been slightly drunk at the moment, Kakashi had been out and Sasuke had raided his stash again. His reasoning had been perhaps slightly colored by that fact.

‘You’ve got to do it some time. Better with me that you know than with some stranger.’

Sasuke hadn’t particularly had any plans for his first kiss, hadn’t thought much about it really; but it still felt annoying that it had been snatched away so quickly and anonymously. If Sasuke hadn’t been so proud he would have punched the guy in the face.

‘It’s got nothing to do with some stupid love thing; it’s just about doing it.’

He supposed he had been angry. There had been something itching on the inside of him that needed scratching. It might have been that itching that made him enjoy the kissing so much afterwards. There was something in that closeness of wet lips pressing together that was... nice. Really nice. It wasn’t love, it was just... that itch. Sasuke had kissed Shikamaru twice that evening when he was slightly drunk and Kakashi was out. The first time had been for the sake of having it done, the second because the first had been bad.

They had kissed now and then after that, the last time being that stupid ‘no need to send me home because you don’t want to contaminate me now’ one on the porch when Sasuke had been sick and Shikamaru had come to see his new house. It was never about love between them; just the friendship between a fucked up guy and one that didn’t care enough to argue. Sasuke supposed it was like other friends hugged. It wasn’t something they did often or for the same reasons they kissed others. It was for special occasions.

“You want one of those improved ones?” Sasuke asked, because this suddenly felt very much like a special occasion. “One that doesn’t taste like vomit and where I kiss back?”

“No thank you,” Shikamaru snorted and looked away for a moment. “I’ve seen enough of the boyfriend to know I don’t want to risk him finding out I’ve been kissing you.”

“It’s got nothing to do with him,” Sasuke frowned. “You’re my friend.”

“Friends don’t kiss, Sasuke.”

“We do.”

Shikamaru sighed. After a moment of nothing, the friend made a ‘well, come here then’ gesture with his head. The kiss was soft and hard. Soft lips and hard sliding against each other’s mouths. It was determined tongue; soft but determined. Despite his initial hesitation, Shikamaru kissed as he always did, like he had it all planned. But something was different.

“It’s not the same,” Sasuke mumbled and licked his lips when it was over.

It was not the same as kissing others. Kissing Shikamaru was friendship, a simple comforting knowledge that the friend was there. Kissing Neji and those many semi-strangers at the parties was thrilling and ‘feel good’. Kissing Naruto was searing butterflies all the way to Sasuke’s bones.

But it was also not the same in another way. It was not the same as it used to be, kissing Shikamaru. It was like it had lost some of its meaning, or gained a meaning and therefore didn’t fit anymore.

Shikamaru watched him. There was something in his eyes that could have been sadness, if it had been more defined.

“Last time,” he said and Sasuke understood.

He watched his friend in silence for many heartbeats before he nodded. After even more heartbeats he softly said ‘thanks’.

-

Sasuke found Gaara and Lee alone on the sofa in the living room; cuddling in a Sunday evening kind of way. It was a strange vision, the former cold murderer of the Sand and the dorky-looking guy, and at the same time fitting in some way that Sasuke didn’t understand.

“Where is Naruto?” he asked and lingered in the door way.

“Shower,” Gaara said without taking his eyes off the TV. Lee however looked over the red-head and smiled at Sasuke.

“He should be out soon if you want to take one too,” he said.

“Alright,” Sasuke said. He turned around and headed for the bathroom.

He could hear water running outside the door and waited for a moment and let his insides be swirled around with nervousness. His boyfriend in the shower. Sasuke hadn’t experienced that since PE that Thursday when they had decided, before that Friday. He knew that the door to Shikamaru’s bathroom had no lock and he knew that it made no sound when you opened it; he knocked once he was inside and had the door closed behind him. The room was hazy but he could see the shape of Naruto’s body flinch behind the curtain when he noticed he wasn’t alone.

“Hey!” the guy exclaimed. “There are people showering in here!”

“It’s me,” Sasuke said.

“O-Oh,” Naruto’s shape shifted. “Hi. What do you want?”

“A shower.”

“I... I’m almost done, okay?” He huffed. “Why don’t they have a lock to this place? It’s a bathroom! What about privacy?”

“They want to be able to move around the place easily,” Sasuke said and pulled his shirt over his head.

“What? Is it the gang thing?” Naruto snorted. “I don’t get it.”

Sasuke unbuttoned his pants and let them drop to the floor, pushed down the underwear to his ankles and stepped out of them.

“I don’t get it either,” he said.

When he opened the curtain enough that he could sneak inside, Naruto flinched again and spun around so quickly that he lost his balance. He would have tumbled out and ripped down the curtain if Sasuke hadn’t grabbed a hold of him. They stumbled around for a while before the floor below their feet stabilized and balance was regained.

“Sasuke!” Naruto whined. “Don’t do that, I could have died!”

“Stop overreacting,” Sasuke said. “You wouldn’t have died.”

“I could have hit my head on the toilet.”

He sounded like Kakashi. Sasuke had to smile. Naruto had his back to the wall and his hands on Sasuke’s hips; Sasuke had his weight leaning on Naruto and his hands on the boyfriend’s arms. Things got a little awkward once they noticed. The first thing they did when they had noticed was look down, because that was the normal ‘this is awkward’ reaction; only it didn’t work so well with their nakedness. Their eyes snapped up again and met. Naruto was blushing and the warmth on Sasuke’s cheeks told him he was too. They stood in the shower fall and Sasuke found his skin and hair getting slowly soaked.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “For scaring you.”

“It’s okay,” Naruto muttered. “Why did you come in?”

“I wanted a shower,” Sasuke said and gave a smile that was more apologetic than joyful.

“I was almost done.”

“I didn’t want to wait.”

Naruto gave a soft sigh and then he smiled. As if he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“You know what I think?”

“What?”

“This is your inner pervert expressing himself.”

Sasuke had to smile for real at that.

“My inner pervert?”

“Yes,” Naruto looked serious and amused at the same time. “I think it was... you, who said that everyone is a pervert.”

“I did?”

“Yes.”

The blue eyes took a quick tour lower again, as if they couldn’t help themselves; Sasuke could see because he was watching them closely. They wandered to Sasuke’s mouth, throat, collar bone, it seemed. They went further down. Chest, nipples, stomach, belly button, but not lower. Sasuke could feel his insides reacting to the study, swirling warmth and energy. He could get hard just by being watched by those eyes.

“What do you have left?” Sasuke swallowed and said. Naruto was snapped back to Sasuke’s face. “Of the shower?”

“Uh... J-just rinsing,” he said.

“Do you want to do my hair?” Sasuke found himself asking. He let go of the arms and turned, grabbed the bottle of shower cream; turned off the water and poured some of the content in his hand, then pressed it to his body.

“O-Okay,” Naruto said and reached over Sasuke’s shoulder for the shampoo. Shikamaru’s mother only bought nice-smelling products for the shower.

Naruto used softer hands than Sasuke used when he shampooed his hair. The touch was gentle, almost hesitating, at first; it grew firmer after a while but never turned rough or hasty, never turned into something that Sasuke might have expected from the loud blond before he got to know him. With what Sasuke knew of his boyfriend these days, there was no reason at all to worry about getting shampoo in his eyes.

The loud, stubborn and seemingly idiotic blond had an amazing gentleness to him. He could be incredibly soft and could take his time, be patient. Naruto was not what he seemed at first glance. Well, he was... but there were so many other things to him as well, things you only saw once you got to know him. Really... How come those things didn’t show at first? He would have had so many friends and admirers and fan girls that... He might have never noticed Sasuke at all, so maybe it was a good thing. (Or maybe Sasuke was being selfish).

There was actually a lot of hesitation to Naruto, if you took the time to look beyond the decisiveness and persistence he showed the world. He worried, he changed his mind, he grew discouraged, he didn’t know what to do. Naruto wasn’t as idiotically stubborn and clueless as he had first seemed to Sasuke; he just... He just chose to stick with the optimistic side of the coin and threw off the other one. Not automatically, because he didn’t think anything could go wrong; he knew what could go wrong and he knew what was at stake. He just chose his way over the other.

The fingers and palms ran across Sasuke’s scalp and through his hair. The shampoo had made a very fluffy, soft lather and Naruto ran smoothly with it. As Sasuke reached to wash between his legs, he wondered if Naruto was watching his own hands working or Sasuke’s. He wondered if the blond had glanced over Sasuke’s shoulder at any point and noticed that he was hardening. Sasuke also wondered why he didn’t find it more embarrassing, or terrorizing, to be in this state with this guy again.

‘I want to do it,’ his crazy mind whispered and his being raced at the thought. ‘Again. Practice.’

Was Naruto hardening too? There seemed to be a deliberate distance between Sasuke’s back and Naruto’s chest. Sasuke found a slightly evil smirk crawling its way to his lips and couldn’t for his life understand why he wasn’t more disturbed by this, when the last time they’d been naked and close like this had been so horrible.

‘That was just me. It had nothing to do with him. That was just me and Itachi.’

For washing purposes Sasuke ran a shower cream lathered hand down his back, further down, between his cheeks and lingered for a moment where he shouldn’t, before moving on. He felt a curl of warm energy in his stomach as he yet again wondered if Naruto was watching. Was the blond right? Had Sasuke suddenly been overtaken by his inner pervert?

“T-there!” Naruto stammered with a sound quality to his weak voice that told Sasuke he needed to wet his throat and that he had been watching. The hands lifted from Sasuke’s hair. “All done.”

Sasuke took a step backwards and grabbed onto Naruto’s arms with lathery hands. He pressed back and pulled Naruto forward and felt a shiver travel through them both. Naruto had hardened too.

“Thanks,” Sasuke smiled. He wrapped his boyfriend’s arms around his waist and wondered again where his personality had gone. But maybe it hadn’t gone anywhere. Maybe this was him too, just a part of him that took longer to reach, took more time to wake up, and was much more elusive than Naruto’s soft and patient side.

Once the arms were secured around him, he reached out and turned on the water. Closed his eyes and leaned his head back to avoid the shampoo as it started running. Maybe he was having episode? He felt strange and too calm. Maybe he would lose consciousness any second now. But this seemed like a good place to be. Shikamaru would know what to do and these arms were strong enough to hold him.

-

They had left the shower and dried themselves off with towels when Naruto suddenly stepped on his pants with a wobble and an ‘ow!’ Sasuke frowned and watched his boyfriend do a short one-legged dance around the bathroom.

“What?”

“Stupid, fucking Gaara!”

Sasuke raised a brow, wondered if Naruto had used such words when he was really upset before he got to know Sasuke or if it had come after and what Iruka would have to say if he ever heard. Naruto threw himself at his pants and dug into one of his pockets. What came out again with the hand gave Sasuke warm stomach swirls. Naruto was blushing.

“I did not bring this!” he almost yelled at Sasuke. “It was Gaara! I told him I didn’t want it but apparently he’s too much of an idiot,” the word was screamed at the door. “...to get it!”

“O-okay,” Sasuke swallowed. Even with the obvious ‘how the hell could he not have noticed that being dropped in his pocket’, it made sense. Gaara was the bad guy in Naruto’s circle of happy friends, after all, and it didn’t feel very likely that Naruto would want to try again so soon. The bluish, hair gel looking tube was thrown in the trash can.

“How insensitive can you get?” Naruto grumbled, still blushing; pulled on a pair of underwear that had been waiting on his pile of new clothes. When Sasuke, after some hesitation and glances in the direction of the trash can, reached for the only pile he had, the one his undressing had resulted in, Naruto stopped him.

“Hang on,” he said. “I brought some new clothes for you too. They’re in my bag, I’ll go get them.”

The boyfriend quickly got into his pants and his shirt and limped out of the bathroom. Sasuke stared at the door that had closed, for a second, before he made up his mind, headed over to the trash can and peered down into it. It was the same brand as they had used two days earlier, but the amount of content told him not the same tube, which supported Naruto’s story that it was Gaara’s idea. Easy Slide. What an embarrassing name.

When he heard steps approaching, Sasuke quickly picked the tube from the trashcan and rolled it into his pile of clothes. As the door opened he wondered how big the chance was that Gaara had sneaked condoms into Naruto’s pants as well. Surely not nonexistent. They would have been more difficult to notice. Sasuke’s stomach swirled as he thought about what he wanted and if he really wanted it. Why should he? It had been fairly horrible the first time, as he’d told Shikamaru.

It was nice to be back in his own clothes; Sasuke recognized the set he had brought with him to Naruto’s place. Naruto had brought tooth brushes as well and, borrowing toothpaste from Shikamaru, they brushed their teeth before leaving the bathroom. After dumping their clothes (Sasuke’s being more a bundle of secret hiding place) in Shikamaru’s room and noting that their mattresses (Lee and Gaara’s mattresses were in the living room; it had seemed more appropriate that Sasuke and boyfriend stayed in Shikamaru’s room) had been laid out and made, they joined their friends in the living room for a TV game show.

Gaara half-lay cuddled in Lee’s lap on the couch, apparently quite unconcerned by the fact that this wasn’t his house. The case he’d carried on his back earlier that day was resting on the floor in front of him. Shikamaru sat alone in an armchair and Naruto and Sasuke got to share the love seat, how sweet. But they weren’t cuddling like Lee and Gaara. Despite not quite being himself this day, Sasuke was himself enough that he would not cuddle in front of others.

Shikamaru informed them that their mattresses had been made and they could go to bed if they wanted to, but neither Sasuke nor Naruto felt particularly sleepy. They had just woken up from their afternoon nap, after all, and while Sasuke’s swirling stomach reminded him that there were other things they could be doing on those mattresses, he was not quite bold enough to try that when everyone was awake. He wasn’t sure he was bold enough to try it when everyone was sleeping either, not with Shikamaru in the same room. Not with anyone in the same room. Okay, so there would be no bed creaking with mattresses, but... but that was not the point!

Sasuke hadn’t thought about that when he took the lube from the trashcan, that there would be people around tonight. But it was okay. No panic. Sasuke shouldn’t want this anyway. They could wait until they got home and got another weekend alone; or maybe just an afternoon. They could skip school. Naruto could pretend to be sick and Sasuke could use his Tsunade-excuse. It wasn’t like they could get into more trouble with Iruka. It was just silly to waste good lube and get Shikamaru in trouble by letting his mother find it.

It was damned frustrating though, when he had made up his mind about it. (‘Made up my mind? I did?’) Why did they have to sleep in Shikamaru’s room? It wasn’t like he could ask to switch with Lee and Gaara either, that would be too suspicious. Gaara was too perverted and Shikamaru was too smart not to guess the reason; with the lube-tube scheme and Sasuke’s talk with his friend earlier. There were no other good reasons not to sleep in Shikamaru’s room either; no good excuse.

As it turned out though, Sasuke didn’t need an excuse.

“I’m sorry,” Gaara suddenly broke the TV watching silence. Sasuke’s eyes tore away from the blur of thinking to look at the redhead and noticed the others looked as well. “But Lee and I will be staying in your room tonight, Shikamaru. Naruto should get to be alone with his princess in the living room.”

Naruto reacted almost immediately with a mortified yell.

“Gaara!”

“His what?” Sasuke hissed and for a moment forgot all about practice.

“Princess,” Gaara repeated; turned in Lee’s lap to look at Sasuke with blank eyes. “That would be you.”

“Stop calling him that!” Naruto shouted angrily and got off the couch. “He is not a princess! And we don’t need to be alone! And don’t put lube in my pants!”

Yeah. Who needs excuses when your boyfriend’s got perverted fucking assholes for friends?

-

For a while it had seemed like Naruto would ruin the whole unexpected solution to Sasuke’s problem by refusing to move to the living room. He had been determined not to let Gaara win. Lee had tried to meddle here and there with ‘come on, Naruto, you know he’s just teasing’ and ‘won’t you stop teasing him, Gaara?’ but neither of the combatants had seemed to pay much attention to him. Not even ‘you’ll wake up the neighbors!’ had any effect.

Sasuke had been pissed off at the guy too at first; where the hell had the whole princess thing come from anyway? You had to be blind, deaf and lobotomized to claim that Sasuke had any princess qualities to him. It was beyond absurd. He didn’t have the right hair, the right clothes, the right attitude, the right gender. Gaara’s deadpan explanation that they had just saved him from a tower guarded by a snake dragon got Naruto so angry he almost cried.

But even if Sasuke had been angry, he had seen the solution to his problem. He could do it in the living room, as long as everyone was asleep and the lights were out and the mattresses were out of sight from the doorway. And for some, probably fucked up, reason, Sasuke really needed it to happen tonight. So he had sighed eventually and just gone to fetch their things. Shikamaru had followed, shaking his head and expressing worry about the neighbors (not that he had to; the closest neighbors were living abroad at the moment, the second closest was ninety years old and deaf and the last one never at home at night. Sasuke had always been jealous of Shikamaru’s luck with neighbors). Sasuke had told his friend to quickly erase the p-word from his vocabulary if he wanted any calls in the future.

Naruto had complained some more when Sasuke returned with their things. ‘Don’t just give in to him like that!’ It had taken a firm glare and ‘shut up or I’m taking the bus home’ from Sasuke before the blond stopped yelling, pouted and grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest.

‘Don’t mind him, it’s just sexual frustration,’ Gaara had said before leaving. The TV evening had been cancelled and everyone had said good night and gone to their beds or mattresses, the lights being turned off.

‘It is not!’ Naruto had screamed, but Sasuke had turned him around and pushed him in the direction of what were now their mattresses.

“I am not frustrated,” the boyfriend whined as he pulled off his clothes. “Gaara’s just an asshole. Why did you let him win like that?”

“Because I want to be alone with you,” Sasuke said and undressed as well.

Naruto looked at him for a moment, looked surprised and a little worried and a little, little pleased. Then he huffed as if he had just imagined it and threw the blankets over him.

“He could have been nicer about it,” Naruto muttered. “I hate when he calls you that. Didn’t it piss you off?”

“I want to be alone with you,” Sasuke repeated. He slipped under the covers and looked at Naruto with eyes that he hoped said what his mouth didn’t. Naruto opened his mouth and his cheeks were getting redder. He closed it again and shifted onto his back; looked at the ceiling.

“You could have said you wanted to sleep in here then,” he mumbled. “I don’t mind. Damn, but Gaara pisses me off sometimes. Sure, the guy is my friend and he’s cool most of the times but sometimes, he’s just so...”

“Naruto, I want to,” Sasuke said and swallowed. He reached out with a hand, dragged it along Naruto’s arm and felt him shiver. “Again. With you.”

The boyfriend didn’t look at Sasuke; his eyes were focused at the ceiling. His body was tense. It was silent for a long time, except for the clock ticking on the wall. The room was dark, but streams of streetlight lights came in from the windows to shine on the walls.

“Why would you want that?” Naruto said eventually.

It was Sasuke’s turn to open his mouth and close it again without having made a sound. Why did he want that? Because he wanted to practice? Maybe he just liked experiencing quite horrible things?

“Because,” Sasuke said, struggled to find the words. “It’s part of being together. It’s...”

“It’s not part of anything,” Naruto sounded surprised and sad, turned to look at Sasuke. “It’s just... just this thing that people do and they say they like it, but that doesn’t mean we have to. We can be together without... that.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Sasuke inched closer and felt his knee bump into Naruto’s leg. He struggled with the words again. “That was the closest I’ve ever been to anyone. Physically. I liked... that. Being that close to you.”

Naruto looked suddenly angry. His eyes were shiny, like they should be sad, but they weren’t. They held onto Sasuke’s tightly.

“You can’t tell me that you liked it,” he said. Despite the anger in his eyes, the warm and sticky hands that found Sasuke’s hands under the blanket were soft. Maybe he wasn’t angry with Sasuke. “I’m not an idiot, Sasuke. It was obvious that you didn’t like it.”

“I was having a bad day,” Sasuke both hated and loved how simple it sounded. “I was nervous, it was... intense, I... I remembered things I thought I had forgotten.”

Naruto frowned but Sasuke hurried to continue before he could ask and Sasuke would have to lie.

“It wasn’t because of you,” he said. “You were not horrible. I liked being close to you. You were...”

‘Wonderful’? ‘Great’? ‘Perfect’?

‘Couldn’t have been more caring and careful and gentle.’

But he couldn’t say that. Could he? It felt too...

“I knew,” Naruto said before Sasuke could finish. His hand pressed closer to Sasuke’s. He had looked away. Down. “I knew that something was wrong and I knew you weren’t sure, but I... I thought it would be okay. And I... I wanted to.”

“I wanted to,” Sasuke said.

“But you...!”

“Naruto,” Sasuke put his hands on either side of his boyfriend’s face and locked the blue eyes in place with his own. “I’m sorry if this makes you angry, but you’re not strong enough to do anything to me that I don’t want you to do.”

Naruto pouted. A slightly sad and slightly frustrated pout.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he muttered. He fiddled with Sasuke’s underwear and somehow it was innocent. He had trouble looking Sasuke in the eyes.

“I’m happy that it was you,” Sasuke almost whispered and turned one of his hands to let the back of his fingers gently caress the cheek. Naruto was blushing and the pout became more defined.

“You are?”

Sasuke nodded. Naruto sighed; looked toward the ceiling, then toward the wall, then toward their feet. Then back again.

“I’m happy it was you too,” he said; then his voice turned into almost a whine. “At the same time, I’m not. I... I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to be really nice and I sucked.”

“You did not suck,” Sasuke had to struggle not to smile at how the dialogue suddenly turned in the kindergarten direction. “I sucked.”

“You did not suck!” Naruto protested. “You... Y-you were great.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Sasuke knew he should be embarrassed to admit it, and he was, but the mood made it easier. Naruto struggled for a while before finding the words.

“W-well, you’re pretty damn good then!” he said.

Sasuke couldn’t help but snort a half-croaked laugh. Naruto was smiling. His eyes were still glittering. They had inched even closer to each other. Their legs were cuddling, Naruto had his arms around Sasuke’s hips and Sasuke had his around Naruto’s neck. It was sort of uncomfortable for their limbs but Sasuke didn’t care and it seemed neither did Naruto.

“Do you know what Shikamaru said?” Sasuke asked eventually and Naruto shook his head. “He said that we just need some practice.”

“Have you been discussing our sex life with Shikamaru?” Naruto asked and Sasuke had to snort at the ‘our sex life’ part. Though... maybe they did have a sex life now. Was it enough to do it once?

“It’s not like you haven’t done that already,” Sasuke said.

Naruto frowned for a second before remembering that time they first met, boyfriend and friend.

“Oh yeah... But that doesn’t count, does it?”

“Sure it counts.”

Naruto nodded thoughtfully. But when Sasuke thought more about it and he was getting a little confused. That would meant they had a sex life even before they had sex, wouldn’t it? Before they did it all the way. Did jerking each other off count as sex? If it did, Sasuke would have had sex with Neji, right?

“No,” Sasuke cleared his throat. “I changed my mind, I don’t think it counts.”

“No?” Naruto was frowning.

“No,” Sasuke shook his head. There was a pause as Naruto seemed to do some thinking.

“So you were the first one to discuss our sex life with Shikamaru?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said. “Sorry.”

Naruto scrunched up his nose in a smile.

“Practice, huh?”

Something in the blond’s eyes made Sasuke very aware of the hands on his back and their closeness to each other, aware of his heart and the heat.

“That’s what he said.”

“You know, that makes sense actually,” Naruto frowned and seemed to think some more. “It would explain why Gaara always brags about his sex life. Lee is really serious when it comes to practicing.”

“That so?” Sasuke swallowed. He didn’t really want to know about Lee and Gaara’s sex life.

“Yeah,” Naruto inched even closer; blushing; shy and amused. “But I can be pretty serious about practicing too. When I put my mind to it.”

Sasuke felt a mouth nuzzle up against his throat, but there came no kisses. Just nuzzling.

“I used to be in the same club as Lee,” Naruto mumbled. “I was really focused on practicing. I could forget about everything else, school and sleep. I probably wouldn’t have eaten if Iruka hadn’t told me to.”

Sasuke swallowed. His heart was beating hard. Naruto’s arms wrapped hard around him and his body pressed close to him. Their legs entwined. They shared their heat with each other and grew hard. A very slow, sort of almost thrusting dance had almost started and Sasuke’s arms wrapped around Naruto.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I can get really stubborn about practicing,” Naruto breathed. Sasuke shifted his face closer and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s ear before murmuring.

“I want to practice now.”

Naruto pressed himself even closer. Harder.

“Alright,” he said. Then he put his hands on Sasuke’s face and pushed them apart far enough to kiss him. It was a slow, deep and hungry kiss; and hard. His tongue was acting more like a ten ton train than something faster. Sasuke let his tongue play too. No, not play. This was not play. It was something else. Serious practice? Naruto seemed more mature about this than he usually was.

His hands started roaming; they slipped down Sasuke’s arms, to his hips. One of them grabbed the back of one of Sasuke’s legs and pulled it forward; placed it over Naruto’s and left Sasuke exposed. The hands moved under the underwear and went where they hadn’t been for two days. Over two days, not counting the elevator.

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. His heart was racing and he remembered the pain from last time. The pain on the inside, but also the actual, physical one. Or rather, only the actual, physical one. For some reason, the only thought in Sasuke’s mind that had to do with his older brother was ‘I’m not thinking about him,’ and it wasn’t a lie. But the memory of the actual, physical pain was enough to make Sasuke anxious. It hadn’t been the most pleasant thing he had experienced in his life.

“You’re so warm,” Naruto mumbled.

The hands and fingers were so bold that Sasuke was struck with the thought that maybe the boyfriend was trying to make him change his mind. ‘This is what you say you want,’ it seemed like the hands were saying as they explored the split in Sasuke’s backside with a child’s curiosity, as if they hadn’t been there before. The fingers didn’t go in but they ran around the place and pressed slightly at the tight muscle.

‘Are you sure? Do you know what you’re saying? Are you really sure? Will I have to blame myself again for doing it when you say you want to but don’t really mean what you say? Do you mean what you say? Are you sure?’

It chased at the nervousness, realizing, and brought focus to Sasuke. It brought him back to what was happening now and pushing away what had been last time. Naruto had left kissing his mouth and was pressing his lips to Sasuke’s throat instead. Sasuke’s insides felt so warm that he was surprised he wasn’t sweating more than he was, not that he wasn’t sweating enough. The sheets would be soaked by the time this was over. Again. Sasuke really wanted to do this again? But right after the hesitation came determination.

‘Yes. I want to be close to him. Closer, closer. This is not enough. I don’t want to be the only one inside me.’

Sasuke’s stomach swirled and he had to smile at his own boldness as one of his hands left its place around Naruto’s neck to wander lower. He found the hard-on and smiled even more as Naruto flinched and made a surprised, moan-ish sound, the hands on Sasuke’s ass squeezing in what had to be reflex. Nails dug into that intimate inside of flesh. Sasuke stroked and Naruto breathed hard on his ear.

“Sasuke...” the breath formed words after a while.

“Yes?”

“You really... want to?”

“It’s like you want me to say ‘no’,” Sasuke mumbled, kept stroking; they were so close to each other now that they shared each other’s sweat. Naruto kept moaning and breathing hard between his words. Whining.

“M-maybe I do,” he panted. “In a way. It would...” Sasuke squeezed the rest of his words into a whine. Not all the moisture on his fingers was sweat. “... No. No, don’t say ‘no’.”

“I don’t want to say no,” Sasuke smiled at Naruto’s neck. He gave one last stroke and squeeze before pulling away and wiping his hand off on Naruto’s leg before reaching over him, grabbing his boyfriend’s pants.

“What are you...?”

“We will need some things,” Sasuke said, looked down at the guy below him and smiled because it had been said before, hadn’t it? Naruto was blushing. Or it could just have been the heat; or that he was horny.

Sasuke was nervous, he was, but... At the same time he wasn’t. Or... he was. But it came in waves. Slow, slow waves with few and not very tall peaks. He wondered what the hell he was doing, throwing himself into this damned thing again. It hadn’t even been that nice. Yes, what he had told Naruto was true, but the things he hadn’t said were true as well. It hadn’t been all nice, so why again? He kept asking himself. Telling himself to think it through again and again; had told himself for quite some time now, only... Only he wouldn’t listen. Damned Shikamaru for planting that practice seed of hope into his system.

Sasuke was digging through Naruto’s pants, checking the pockets. Naruto’s breathing could still be heard and one of his hands was lazily caressing the back of Sasuke’s thigh, now and then moving up to slide over his ass. Sasuke found himself wondering if maybe the turn had come to his ass now, like Naruto had had the nipple phase. With the amount of touching his backside had received lately, it wasn’t entirely unlikely. Not unlikely at all actually.

“If he expected us to do something,” Sasuke said to distract himself. “Gaara wouldn’t have just put lube in your pants, would he?”

“I suppose,” Naruto’s thoughtful frown could be heard in his voice. “Though... He could have. It would be just like him to make us think we had all the stuff and then laugh at us in the morning when we’re all frustrated. Or make us do it without... you know?”

A curl of warmth invaded Sasuke at the thought of doing it without; though he could understand if Naruto wouldn’t want to, as he was the one that was going to... well. And it had to be even messier that way. Naruto wouldn’t just be in him, he would actually, physically leave something behind. Still he couldn’t stop himself from liking the thought. They would be even closer like that.

But before he could say anything, Sasuke’s attention was drawn away as he found the small, flat packages; three of them to be exact. He dumped them on Naruto’s chest.

“How the hell does he do that?” Naruto looked surprised and for a moment it seemed he’d forgotten that they were almost naked and about to do it again. He glanced at his pants. “Where did you find them?”

As if the condoms were what he should be worried about not noticing. Sasuke raised a brow and Naruto understood.

“Right,” he muttered, slightly embarrassed. “I’ll go get the lube.”

But as he heaved to sit up, Sasuke pushed him back down again.

“I’ve already got it.”

Naruto frowned. Sasuke moved to the other side of their mattresses and unraveled his bundle of clothes. The boyfriend caught the tube as it was thrown to him.

“You planned for this?” Naruto looked surprised again, even more so this time. He seemed a little stunned. Sasuke shrugged and a peak in those slow waves of nervousness chose that moment to float through him.

“A little.”

“Don’t run away from me,” Naruto said. His eyes suddenly filled with seriousness; and sadness. “You can punch me in the face or kick me in the nuts or do whatever you feel like if I do anything wrong, but... Don’t leave.”

There was no whining or pleading; just ‘don’t do that to me.’ The nervousness was ripped away completely as Sasuke found himself invaded with guilt. But instead of being guilty alone he moved closer. He put his hands on either side of Naruto’s face and pushed their foreheads together.

“I can’t promise that I’ll never run away from you again,” Sasuke said, truthfully. “I don’t want to, but... It’s just... something I do, sometimes; when I can’t handle the situation I’m in. I’ve done it with Kakashi, with Shikamaru; not just once. I’ve done it with you. I just need the distance sometimes. But...”

Sasuke swallowed. Naruto had put his hands on his arms. Sasuke’s eyes were blurred, it was difficult to see.

“... But I will promise that I won’t run away this time. I will be here when you wake up tomorrow.”

There was just silence and stillness and closeness and them for many heartbeats. There was warmth and hands and togetherness and that feeling in Sasuke’s stomach that felt like if it had had a color, it would be pink. Then Naruto suddenly smiled, chuckled a ‘wet from emotions’ chuckle and sniffed.

“Oh, you think there will be any sleeping tonight?” he said. Sasuke couldn’t help but smile too. When he blinked wetness found its way between his eyelids, down his cheeks.

“There won’t?”

Naruto shook his head. Sniffled again and still smiling, he dragged his hands up and wrapped arms around Sasuke’s neck. Sasuke let himself be pulled closer.

“I’m not just really stubborn about practicing,” Naruto said softly, too softly for what he was saying. “I also have incredible stamina.”

Then they kissed; slow and soft and deep and Sasuke found himself intoxicated. Even more intoxicated. For a while it was almost like any one of their jerk off sessions and hands wandered over naked skin, over arms and chests and thighs and hard-ons. Sasuke played paybacks and paid extra attention to Naruto’s nipples, with both fingers and mouth. He was nervous about what was happening, but it could be ignored for now. Naruto focused less on Sasuke’s ass than Sasuke had thought he would; he was nervous too it seemed and his hands stayed in the thigh and leg area.

Now and then they leaned back up to press their lips together; to slide tongue against tongue and moan into each other’s mouths. It was slower than their usual jerk off sessions. Where they usually were in a hurry to get to the real stuff, now it felt better to take the time. But it was not just because they were worried or nervous, not like last time. There was something in the mood this time. They weren’t in a hurry because... there was nothing they needed to accomplish, or so it felt to Sasuke. Whatever expectations Sasuke had had on this night had gone missing. He still wanted to but... It wouldn’t have been a failure if they didn’t, if they changed their minds.

Sasuke remembered having heard someone say that the second time was even trickier than the first, but he couldn’t understand that at all. They were just touching, just being close to each other, getting harder and warmer and even closer.

When he eventually felt it was time, Sasuke grabbed a hold of Naruto with arms and legs and rolled onto his back. He felt Naruto’s weight press him further down into the mattress and heard them both moan as their crotches met. He kissed the boyfriend on the mouth. The blue eyes were glazed over, his skin shining with sweat and his lips red. Sasuke licked his own and breathed out a shaky lungful of air over Naruto’s jaw.

“Do you...” Naruto breathed. “...want to top this time?”

Sasuke’s heart jumped at that idea. Hands were trailing circles on his spread thighs. But he shook his head.

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to change anything. I want... what you did last time.”

He did. Really did. Because last time had been... It hadn’t just been about them. To Naruto it may have been but to Sasuke it had been half about Itachi, fucked up as that may sound. Sasuke hadn’t planned it to be, of course, but that was how it had ended up. His messed up head and those memories had stolen away the... the point, in a way. The focus had been switched, the actions had been... But maybe it wasn’t just his head and Itachi. There had been so much nervousness too, so many thoughts about other things, so much... Sasuke wasn’t sure what it had been about, that last time.

So he wanted this to make up for that. He wanted this time to be the same, but different. The same, but about them. Just him and Naruto.

“Okay,” Naruto said and Sasuke could see him swallow. But he hesitated. Gnawed at his lip.

Yes, there he was again. That hesitating, worrying, ‘what if I screw up?’ part of Sasuke’s confident, optimistic, ‘I’ll die before I give up’ boyfriend. The ‘before the decision’ Naruto. But they had already decided, hadn’t they? It was like this part of Naruto had hoped he wouldn’t have to go through with it.

For a moment Sasuke wondered if he had strengthened that hesitation part in Naruto. Worrying about losing what you cared for seemed to have infected Sasuke’s very soul, and as Naruto had affected Sasuke, had Sasuke affected Naruto back? Had Naruto affected Sasuke? Oh, yes. It was hard to put a finger on exactly where but... Sasuke had been affected. He was in love; that had to count for something. But Sasuke did not want to think now. This was not the time for thinking.

“I won’t run away,” Sasuke whispered and kissed the boyfriend softly.

Naruto closed his eyes and his mouth answered. Softly, slowly. At first. Then he grew stronger. Sasuke pressed himself against Naruto and Naruto grew more confident.

“No. Because I won’t let you,” he mumbled as his hands gripped Sasuke’s hips.

The second kiss was hard, slow and heavy; tongue came into Sasuke’s mouth as he reached out with his own. Naruto’s weight pressed down on him and it made him feel safe, again. The friction was enough to get him high. Then the weight lifted and Sasuke felt hands pull at his underwear. He raised his ass off the mattress and let the piece of clothing be pulled away from him. Air reached his uncovered skin and his heart beat. For a moment it seemed like Naruto was hesitating again, but when Sasuke opened his eyes to look at the blond (When had he closed them?), he did not find hesitation. He found amazement, adoration; ‘what if I wake up now?’ Sasuke couldn’t help but smile as his insides were caressed by a gentle warmth that could be nothing but gratitude and love. So silly. So silly and so inescapable. And for some reason, so welcome.

It was replaced by a moan and eyes falling closed again when Naruto softly traced the back of his fingers up Sasuke’s hard-on. It was a cruelly ticklish feeling, but only for a moment. The fingers retreated and the body hovering over Sasuke’s shifted as Naruto pulled his own underwear down, before Sasuke had time to offer his assistance.

Sasuke settled for dragging his hands along Naruto’s legs and hips. Taking a tour around his boyfriend’s waist and giving some payback tickling to the crotch area. It was so warm. Inside and on their skin, sticky from sweat and love. Fingers didn’t run smoothly; they stopped here and there as moisture grabbed a hold of them. Legs entangled and they pressed together again. Their breathing could be heard and so could the shifting of their bodies.

Naruto’s hands streamed down Sasuke’s face, over his throat, to his chest, to his sides. Softly at first, just to be there; as if tracing fine lines. Sasuke could feel them forming on his skin. There was nervousness. He could feel it inside himself and see it in Naruto’s eyes. Naruto was worried and hesitating and all that still; ‘what if I screw up?’ But he stayed. He didn’t back down; he didn’t let that hesitation manifest in his actions. Naruto knew it for what it was, Sasuke was sure of it. It’s just fear, Naruto knew. Brave, brave young man.

‘Give me some of that,’ Sasuke’s mind whispered. ‘Affect me. I want to be given your courage.’

Sasuke’s stomach swirled suddenly and he realized he’d made up his mind. He hadn’t even known he had contemplated doing it before he had decided. For a half-second Sasuke was so nervous he thought it would kill him.

That unphysical things could threaten one’s life like this. Death by nervousness. Wouldn’t that make a nice result of an autopsy? And the reason for the nervousness that killed him would have been even more poignant.

‘This not so brave young man died because he could not face the thought of telling another, very brave young man that he was in...’

But Sasuke threw himself over the edge of the cliff anyway.

“I’m in love with you.”

Naruto stopped moving with a jerk, like he’d been suddenly bit by something. Such surprise. It was almost comical. His mouth opened and he blinked.

Sasuke had to smile; because of the look on his boyfriend’s face and because the nervousness had fled his body suddenly and left him feeling much lighter. There was nothing else that could be done. His eyes burned and the world grew blurred. When he blinked Sasuke could see that Naruto was smiling as well. A big grin that seemed uncontrollable. His eyes almost closed as his face wrinkled in happiness, but what could be seen of them was shiny.

Sasuke raised his hands and cradled Naruto’s face. The boyfriend sniffled and if it could have the grin would have grown even bigger. Two streams of glittering tears ran from those very blue eyes and over Sasuke’s fingers.

“You’re amazing,” Naruto mumbled, as if it was hard to find words but he had to say something. He sniffled again and wiped at his nose with the back of a hand and bumped into Sasuke’s wrist in the process.

“Have I told you that yet?” he raised his voice, and then cleared it. Swallowed and blinked and wiped at his eyes again. Stopped moving and just looked at Sasuke.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke shook his head.

“Well,” Naruto said and moved his mouth closer so that his words were puffs of breath against Sasuke’s still present smile. “Now I have.”

For a moment they watched each other. Smiling and eyes glittering. Then the moment was over and they kissed. Lips melting together, tongue sliding over tongue and two mouths became one it seemed for a moment. Even their teeth got to play. Hands cradling each other’s faces at first, then wandering to touch.

Naruto moved one hand to Sasuke’s chest and the fingers found a nipple, the other stuck to his hip, fingers circling the bone that had always been a bit too pronounced. And Sasuke was doing it too. His hands were caressing his boyfriend’s back, around to his sides, his waist; hard-on. Soon Naruto’s hand wandered too; from hip to front. Stroking as Sasuke did.

Sasuke moved further and teased the inside of Naruto’s thighs. The blond closed his eyes and sucked in air quickly through his nose. Naruto’s hands stopped for a moment and then, when they kept going again, they were bolder and he gave as good as he had gotten.

“Give me your hand,” Sasuke said when he was finished silently wondering why he wasn’t more nervous and there was nothing to wait for anymore. How could this time be so different from the other one? Not that it was a bad thing; different was good, but how?

Naruto frowned slightly but raised the hand that had been busying itself on Sasuke’s chest. Sasuke grabbed onto it, pulled it to his mouth and not taking his eyes off Naruto, he took the index finger into his mouth. He cradled and swirled it with his tongue, pressed his lips around the very base and sucked.

The blond looked enthralled and his hands had stopped moving. Sasuke swirled with nervousness for a split second and wondered what the hell he was doing, but... But he knew what he was doing. He was not being silly and idiotic, he was seducing his boyfriend. Nothing wrong with that. Much more wrong not to do it than to do it. Unless Naruto couldn’t handle it; kept staring and holding his breath like he was doing now until his eyes dried up from lack of blinking and he passed out. Really, sometimes that guy was so...

Eventually Sasuke frowned in annoyance and added his teeth to the finger, hard enough to make the blond inhale sharply and flinch. Sasuke raised a brow and added some more seduction to his eyes. Let the finger slip out from between his lips. It was glistening.

“This is the one you used last time, isn’t it?” he murmured and kissed the junction between the finger he’d been wetting and its longer neighbor. “Before you did me.”

It was not stupid and silly and Sasuke had always wanted to do distracting things, hadn’t he? This was good. This was acting, not reacting and Naruto had said he liked it when Sasuke did it last time, right? And he definitely looked like he liked it now.

Where Sasuke’s virgin self had gone, he didn’t know. Sure, well... He knew. He wasn’t a virgin anymore, but did the mind really adapt so quickly? Was that phase really just over when it was... over? Not that he cared. Sasuke had never wanted to be a virgin in the first place. This was how he would have liked to be last time, the first time. He had wanted to be confident, acting, not stupid; not a trace of his older brother.

“Uh... Y-yeah,” Naruto swallowed. His breathing could be heard. A quick glance down showed that he really, very much liked it. Sasuke could probably just keep doing this and it would be enough. Maybe Naruto had been right when he said that Sasuke was pretty damn good. Seemed like it.

“A-and... T-this one,” Naruto wiggled the middle finger jerkily against Sasuke’s cheek.

Sasuke just watched the blue eyes for a moment, for effect; before pulling his head back slightly to take both fingers between his lips. Okay, things were starting to get a little silly now. The nervousness flared up again inside Sasuke and he wondered if maybe it was the fact that Naruto was in on it now, not just gaping and failing to breathe, but playing along.

Sasuke pressed his tongue between the fingers inside his mouth, separated them and lightly dragged his teeth over the not entirely smooth skin. Naruto closed his eyes and made a whiny, moanish sound. The hand that didn’t have its fingers played with wandered down to give some attention to Naruto’s hard-on and with the determined way he started stroking, Sasuke wondered if maybe his boyfriend had forgotten about what they were going to do. And that wouldn’t do, would it?

“You’re gonna make yourself come before we get a chance to do it,” Sasuke mumbled against Naruto’s fingertips, as he pulled the fingers out.

“It’s okay,” Naruto breathed and shifted even closer. His eyes shuddering open. His knees were against the inside of Sasuke’s thighs and he pressed them further apart. “Just once, you’re so hot... We have all night, I’ll be ready again real soon, I promise.”

He was almost whining. Sasuke rolled his eyes, but he warmed with... pride? He was hot. ‘...so hot...’ Not that he hadn’t heard that before, it was just... Neji had never said that, had he? Sasuke stuck out his tongue and licked the wet with saliva fingers. The nails seemed a bit too long. Maybe he should make Naruto cut them before they went ahead with the... Well, the next step. But Sasuke hadn’t noticed that two days ago, had he? They couldn’t have grown that much in two days.

Naruto wiggled his fingers again; pressed them against Sasuke’s lips. Sasuke frowned for a second, but Naruto had closed his eyes and didn’t notice.

“Come on...” the boyfriend whined and he looked quite desperate and pitiful like that; blushing and all caught up in this moment that Sasuke had created. He was just reacting now, wasn’t he? Not able to think about ‘what if I...?’ and ‘what if you...?’ and ‘what if it...?’ Like last time, before it went bad. Sasuke smiled, accepted the plea and opened his mouth for those desperate fingers again.

He used all the tricks he could think of. Caressing the arm with his hands and fingers while his tongue and lips and inside of his cheeks, and occasionally teeth, pressed, massaged, sucked. Sasuke knew what Naruto must be thinking, what images his mind must be putting together behind those closed, trembling eyelids to make this so overwhelming. Surely he did not see his fingers getting sucked; but for some reason it felt less offending than Sasuke had expected.

He’d been asked for favors like that before. Of course. Not often, but now and then; it was impossible to avoid, really. Mostly by drunk idiots that didn’t realize what to say and not to say if they wanted to keep their teeth, but sometimes someone he had made out with had said something along those lines too. ‘Wouldn’t you...?’, ‘You’ve got such a pretty mouth, it would look really nice around...’, ‘Hey, I know something that’s fun...’

The times it had been said in an easy, more jokingly way, Sasuke had talked it away without making it look like he would rather jump off a cliff or join a boy band. It was not particularly cool to get all upset about a joke, after all. Sometimes, teeth had been lost there too however, when it had been less of a joke and more serious.

Sasuke had never been able to understand why some people seemed to think that sucking someone off, or getting sucked off, was the next step from making out. What were they thinking? ‘My mouth is just an extension of my dick anyway so if one’s okay, the other should be too’? Stupid hormonal teenage idiots who watched too much porn, desperate and stupid hormonal teenage idiots. As if Sasuke would ever... Sure. Maybe when Orochimaru gave his faction away to the Leaf and moved to the country to start a drug-free, all natural farm/community for vegetarians, in an apron with flowers on it, with Kimimaro being the guard dog snake.

So why was this so different? This, here and now, with Naruto. Sasuke knew what Naruto was thinking, and it was obvious he liked what he was thinking. Surely something like ‘wouldn’t you...?’ was running through his head. So why wasn’t Sasuke more offended? Why wasn’t Sasuke offended at all? There was even (‘maybe I need to call Tsunade right away and get myself admitted’) a little voice inside his head that said ‘...I could do that.’

‘Maybe not today, not right now and maybe I’d need some time to really get used to the thought first but... I could do that. It’s Naruto. It’s just me being close to this amazing guy that I’m in love with.’

Sasuke reached down with one hand and wrapped it around Naruto’s stroking one. He laced their fingers together and moved with him. The boyfriend moaned, and Sasuke did too. When Naruto tensed and for a moment stopped breathing and curled his fingers against Sasuke’s tongue, both their hands were painted with pale liquid pleasure.

The weight fell down on Sasuke again and the fingers slipped from his mouth but stayed close enough to play with his moist lips as Sasuke used his free hand to pull Naruto’s face against his neck. There was hard breathing against his skin and such warmth. They were wet and sticky from sweat and other things. The weight and closeness hurt; Sasuke was still hard. He endured for a while, before wriggling and pushing gently but firm with his knees to at least get the pressure off the most sensitive areas. Naruto moaned afterglow moans against his skin. His fingers dropped from Sasuke’s lips to his shoulder.

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Sasuke said and studied the ceiling, his fingers that had not been painted fiddling with blond strands of hair. He tried not to think too much about what he had just done. Not that he was sorry, it was just... Embarrassing; too much... No. No thinking about that. Naruto mumbled something that might have been translated to an indignant ‘I won’t fall asleep’. For a while it seemed like a lie though. Naruto’s breathing slowed down, his weight remained, his face still pressed to Sasuke’s throat. Sasuke closed his eyes sometimes and just enjoyed the darkness behind his eyelids. His hard-on was throbbing. One of his hands was still laced together with Naruto’s.

“Hey,” Sasuke said. Gently shook the body he was holding.

Naruto lifted his head then and when his eyes came into vision, they did not seem tired at all. They were glowing, smiling. The smile was on his lips as well.

“You sucked me off,” he said like it was Christmas. Sasuke couldn’t help but smile and shake his head through the blush that crawled to his cheeks. Well, technically that was what he had done; even though it sounded very wrong in his ears.

“You’d better be ready again real soon,” he muttered.

“Of course I will,” Naruto cuddled closer. “I’m a teenage guy, remember?”

Sasuke suddenly remembered the ‘I’m falling apart on the inside’ induced revelation he’d had last time, after the Naruto had painted the inside of the condom. (What had happened to that condom anyway?) ‘I slept with a seventeen-year-old.’

Naruto giggled in a deep, murmuring kind of way.

“You’re so impatient.”

For what felt like the first time during this time spent together on these mattresses, Sasuke felt terribly nervous about what had they were about to do. ‘I don’t ever want to feel that way again.’ But at the same time he was...

“As if you’re not,” he told Naruto and the boyfriend smiled even more. As if the nervousness was only in Sasuke’s head and it was, of course. It would stay there until Sasuke chose to reveal it.

‘Am I making the same mistake again?’

It felt like the same damn thing all over again. A voice in his head kept repeating ‘I should tell him’. ‘Tell him, you damned idiot! Tell him now!’

Sasuke swallowed. Naruto kissed up his neck to his ear and stopped there to play.

“That’s not the same thing,” the boyfriend protested lazily. His fingers, the ones still sticky with pale, warm liquid, were playing with Sasuke’s legs and hips. Weren’t they supposed to wipe off or something? Where did Shikamaru’s mom keep the tissue? And when would she be home? It was Sunday evening so surely she would be home. Why was she not here anyway? And the father? But that was not what he should be thinking about, was it? Sasuke’s heart was beating like a drum and he found it hard to breathe. Stupid, annoying... Why was this suddenly so difficult?

‘Tell him or it will be just like last time!’

But Sasuke didn’t want the hesitating, worrying boyfriend back. He found himself groping for the lube-tube with the hand only sticky with sweat. They got together quicker than he would have liked, hand and lube-tube. Sasuke kicked himself for being an idiot. An idiot for not telling Naruto that he was suddenly very nervous and an idiot for being suddenly very nervous in the first place. What the hell had happened to his cool three seconds ago? Wasn’t Naruto supposed to be the mood-swinging one?

“Here,” Sasuke said and pushed the tube to Naruto’s stomach.

Naruto looked up from his kissing and tore his hands from the touching. He took the object Sasuke held and there was something in his eyes that reminded Sasuke of what he felt swirling inside himself.

“Just drool won’t do it, huh?” Naruto laughed nervously and he failed to look Sasuke in the eyes.

Sasuke shook his head in reply. It felt better. It felt better knowing that he wasn’t alone in the feeling, in the doing. They would be doing this together. He put his sticky-with-sweat-only hand to the side of Naruto’s face.

“Look at me,” he said.

Naruto looked up and met Sasuke’s eyes and it was a special meeting. It was realization and comfort and knowing. No words were needed.

‘We’re both nervous. He was probably nervous last time as well. No, not probably. Of course he was.’

Sasuke gave a short, soft chuckle and a small, soft smile. He caressed his boyfriend’s cheek with the back of his fingers. Naruto didn’t move and for a moment that was how they stayed. Just watching each other, Sasuke the only one moving.

“I’m gonna go find something to clean off with, okay?” Sasuke said. “Then I’ll be back and...”

Naruto stole the rest of Sasuke’s words by wrapping their sticky hands and his sticky, not-so-hard-anymore-but-getting-there hard-on in his blanket. No, Shikamaru’s mom’s blanket.

“Don’t go,” the boyfriend sounded serious.

Sasuke’s mouth fell open in that stupid, comical ‘what the hell are you doing?’ kind of way and the nervousness flew away like a piece of tissue in a storm. Naruto seemed to notice and frowned; looked a little less serious and a little more hesitating.

“What?”

“You can’t...” It was hard to find the words.

“What?” Naruto repeated, frowned even more. “We do it all the time at home.”

“At home!” Sasuke hissed. “And no, we don’t. You do and only when I don’t have time to stop you. Who do you think will wash these in the morning?”

Naruto had the decency to look at little remorseful and fiddled.

“Sorry,” he grumbled. Then he got more firm. “I just didn’t want you to go.”

Sasuke sighed.

“You’re going to have to let me go all the time when we get home,” he said.

“Don’t remind me,” Naruto muttered. He shifted closer and gave Sasuke a tongue-less kiss on the mouth and encircled him with his arms. Sasuke sighed again, but softer this time, and wrapped his arms around his silly boyfriend’s neck. Silly and wonderful. Well, it might serve Shikamaru right for letting Naruto follow Gaara and Lee to Orochimaru’s. And it had chased away the nervousness; the worst of it, for a moment.

“Did you notice?” Sasuke found himself asking, before he had realized he needed to know; Naruto’s hair was between his fingers. “Last time. Afterwards. Did you notice that I was...?”

‘I was...’ what? Sasuke couldn’t find the right word for what he had been. It was hard to even find the right feelings. Naruto’s arms held Sasuke closer, so close it almost hurt.

“Yeah,” was mumbled against Sasuke’s cheek and then Naruto’s blue eyes came into view. They were serious. There was sadness there as well, but mostly there was seriousness, and caring.

“I noticed,” he said. “I thought I could fix it, so I tried but... But I couldn’t.”

Sasuke pulled his hands forward and cradled Naruto’s face.

“Sure you could,” he said softly. “It just took a little longer than you thought it would take.”

Tears fell again over Sasuke’s fingers and then Naruto smiled. Sasuke smiled too.

“You’re so special,” Naruto whispered.

“So are you,” Sasuke replied.

He shivered with nervousness, but kicked it away. He lifted his legs, pressed his knees against Naruto’s ribs and his feet against Naruto’s thighs. This ‘I feel like a virgin’ seemed to be a ‘come and go and come again’ kind of thing. Sasuke saw Naruto’s smile fade and nervousness invade him as well as body shifted against body.

“Now I want to do this,” Sasuke said.

“O-okay,” Naruto swallowed.

It came back when Naruto’s lube-slick fingers started poking around; the nervousness. Sasuke had to tell himself to breathe and relax and not look scared. Not that he was scared, but... well, what he was might easily be mistaken for fear, throw Naruto off again and they might get stuck in foreplay until the sun got up, or until Shikamaru’s parents felt like coming home. When were they coming anyway? And why did Sasuke have to think about Shikamaru’s parents when he stumbled onto the nervous thought train?

Things got a little better once the first finger had made its way inside. It was in many ways very different from last time. It was similar in many ways, of course, how much variation could you get to this particular part? Though... Knowing Naruto, there was probably a whole horde of variation waiting for Sasuke in the future. Naruto had been bringing his inexhaustible imagination into their intimate moments before, why should this be any different? That it seemed to be impossible would only act as a challenge to the blond.

But it was different too. The weirdness feeling was not as strong as last time and Sasuke was not as nervous. Naruto felt much closer. While in one way it was embarrassing, the blue eyes watching Sasuke like the gaze had been glued to him, it was also comforting. It felt like they were much closer to each other than they had been last time.

Naruto was gentler this time and more careful. That was a small miracle when you considered how careful and gentle he had been last time, but Sasuke’s boyfriend was a guy of miracles so Sasuke wasn’t really surprised.

It felt nicer this time; not just less uncomfortable, nicer. It had an erotic feeling to it, having someone touch the inside of you. It didn’t feel earth-movingly good, but it definitely did make its way to Sasuke’s hard-on. The feeling was made stronger by Naruto watching him so intently. Sasuke could almost see the finger’s movements being planned on Naruto’s face before it manifested inside him. Definitely erotic.

The second finger was a little more work, like last time. It was a bit too much and Sasuke tensed without wanting to. He cursed himself and tried to relax, but the fact that he knew he had to made it even more difficult. For a moment he found himself wishing that Naruto wasn’t such a caring guy and would just go in already. It wasn’t like it would kill anyone; there was lube, they had done one already and that was just fine. It was like with band aids. Quicker was better. Just rip them off and be done with it. They would have to do that anyway later with the... well, the real thing; probably. Sasuke changed his mind fairly quickly though. He didn’t want an uncaring boyfriend; that one part of his soul that seemed tempted by the thought was an idiot. It’d be fine. Sasuke would just have to...

“Y-you have to...” Naruto stammered and looked scared to death, like he would rather have said anything but that.

“I know!” Sasuke snarled.

“I know you know!” Naruto looked desperate. “Just...!”

He stopped talking and for a split second just looked at Sasuke. Then he charged at Sasuke’s mouth and Sasuke had time to think ‘clever boyfriend...’ before his mind was swept away by Naruto’s suddenly very forceful tongue and lips.

It didn’t take very long to relax. Especially not when Naruto’s free hand gripped and started stroking Sasuke’s hard-on. The teasing probing of finger tips around the edges (and sometimes just the inside) of the stubborn place in need of convincing did not slow the process down. It was not painless when the two fingers finally slipped inside, but it was bearable, definitely. Sasuke had never considered himself a masochist, but it hurt in a nice way. That erotic feeling was back and the fact that there was more inside him now only heightened the feeling.

Sasuke opened his eyes when he realized they had closed and found Naruto looking at him with eyes that were darker than they had been before. He found himself shiver with awkwardness and wondered what kind of face he must have shown to draw forth such eyes from Naruto. The guy was supposed to be nervous and unsure but he did not seem it now. There was want in his eyes. A hunger that was impossible to misinterpret.

A shifting of the encased fingers caused Sasuke to shiver and his eyes to close again. A shudder of pleasure ran through his being and he made a sound without meaning to. A moaning, whiny sound that seemed out of character. But then again, he’d made sounds like that last time. Maybe it was perfectly in character, only he wasn’t used to being that part of himself.

“Is it bad?” Naruto asked and his voice matched his eyes. It was throaty and had lost all stammering qualities.

Sasuke shook his head. As if the blond needed to ask. Maybe he didn’t need to ask; maybe he just wanted Sasuke to say it.

“It’s not,” he breathed. He had planned to add a ‘bad’ at the end but another moan from his throat made him reconsider. Words were overrated. His own fingers played with Naruto’s hair, his arms around the boyfriend’s neck. He had wanted to do more, wanted to do more, but... but feeling was enough for now. Feeling this and doing something at the same time was not something Sasuke wanted to try. He didn’t want to fail and he didn’t want to take any attention away from what Naruto was doing.

Sasuke sucked in air through his nose and made another sound as he felt the fingers inside spread. Seriously... Had he really done this before? For some reason it felt like an entirely new sensation. Logically he knew, of course, that he had done this before. He was not a virgin anymore, but... as down to earth and not-pink-clouds as last time had felt, this time was even more... It was more focused on what they were really doing, more focused on what was really happening. It was more focused on them. Sasuke felt what Naruto did to him and the feelings those actions left in him was much clearer tonight. It wasn’t just a feeling; it was the feeling of them being together.

“I’m gonna do three now, okay?” Naruto mumbled against Sasuke’s skin.

“Okay,” Sasuke said in a deep, shuddered pushing the air out of his lungs.

The relaxing part worked better this time, and while there was more pain, there wasn’t as much pain as he had assumed there would be. It could be the whole relaxing part, but it didn’t make as much a difference between two and three as it had between one and two. At least if you just looked at the pain. It did feel different. It felt... more. Sasuke found himself wondering how much the eroticism would heighten. He found himself thinking about what he had told Shikamaru about the experience being big. It was. It really was. Was Shikamaru really a virgin or did he just let Sasuke think he was?

Sasuke pulled Naruto’s head closer and pressed kisses to the boyfriend’s throat. The skin was salty and carried the taste of him, and the smell was Naruto as well. A rhythm had already been born and Sasuke moved with it. It did feel good. Hurting, but not even close to horrible. He kissed his way along Naruto’s jaw until he found his boyfriend’s mouth. They both moaned. Naruto’s tongue kept the same rhythm as his fingers and just knowing that made it hard for Sasuke’s tongue to answer.

“I want you now,” Sasuke murmured against Naruto’s lips when their mouths became two again. Because much more of this and Sasuke didn’t think he would know what to do with himself. He needed to get rid of the pressure steadily rising inside of him, one way or the other, and to keep going just seemed so much more satisfying. Emotionally and for the sake of practice and completion.

“Already?” Naruto asked and his breathing was warm as it struck Sasuke’s mouth. Already? As if he wanted to keep doing this for at least an hour more. How much time had passed since Sasuke stopped being the only one inside his body anyway? Stupid, difficult-to-keep-track-of time. Not that it mattered. Not that much else mattered but them and the experience and the pressure inside. But he did remember his own ‘already?’ moment from last time. That time it had felt too soon. Now it felt long overdue.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said.

“Uh... O-okay,” Naruto swallowed and pulled his face back a bit from Sasuke’s. “Where are the... um... the condoms?”

Sasuke frowned. Looked over his shoulder; shifted and felt around with his hands. For every movement he felt the fingers shift on the inside. Too much of that and he’d go crazy, or so it felt. He had to struggle to keep from setting free those sounds that wanted out of his throat. Before he had reached the point where he couldn’t handle anymore moving around, one of his hands landed on one of the small plastic objects he sought and he could breathe a sigh of relief and relax again. He must have shown some interesting faces without knowing it again because that dark look in Naruto’s eyes was back.

“Got it,” Sasuke muttered and pushed the condom against Naruto’s free hand.

“Could... Couldn’t you...?” the blond was blushing. “You know... Get that?”

Sasuke frowned for half a second before he understood. Oh. Well, it was only fair, and... The inside of Sasuke’s stomach warmed; it felt like his face did as well.

“Y-yeah, sure,” he said.

This was a bad moment to mention he had no experience what so ever when it came to putting on condoms, right? Though, Naruto probably hadn’t had that either last time. Unless he had practiced. When Sasuke thought about it, it was more likely that Naruto had practiced than that he hadn’t. The guy was embarrassing like that after all. Oh, what the hell! How difficult could it be? If Naruto had managed it with practice, Sasuke should be able to manage it without. That was how they got through tests at school, wasn’t it? Naruto had to study and Sasuke didn’t need to.

In the end it wasn’t all that difficult. Sasuke distracted Naruto from noticing his ‘okay, so how the hell does this work?’ thinking moment by stroking his definitely-firm-again hard-on (the blond hadn’t been lying when he said he’d be ready again real soon; not that Sasuke was really surprised). He managed a bit too well, as Naruto seemed to forget just where he was touching Sasuke and for a few seconds thinking about how you put on condoms was severely interrupted by curling and jerking fingers. If it hadn’t been conjuring such wonderful sparkles, and if he hadn’t wanted to keep his inexperience a secret, Sasuke would have told the boyfriend to get out of his ass so he could think.

He got through the thinking eventually however and with that, things turned out quite alright. Sasuke would have given himself a pat on the back if it hadn’t involved so much twisting around to reach. When Naruto was finally latex-encased, Sasuke encountered another first time, though this one was a bit more straightforward. Lube really was quite... slimy. And Naruto could make breathtaking sounds when touched in the right way.

Despite the fingers now and then shifting around inside of him, by the time he was finished, Sasuke found himself a bit distracted from the experience. All the thinking and practical things had made the moment... well, a bit more practical and a bit less possible to get emotionally lost into it. More like an exercise and less like sharing a moment with the guy you were in love with. He found himself wondering if this was what Naruto had felt like last time. He had been doing all the practical stuff after all; Sasuke hadn’t had the presence of mind to do much of anything.

There came no ‘let’s get right to it’ however, even though they were both prepared and ready to go. Naruto moved closer, used his free hand to pull Sasuke’s legs back up to press knees against his ribs; Sasuke’s feet had fallen to the mattress again at some point during the fingering and he lifted them again. Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s head and kissed the boyfriend on the mouth and the mood slowly returned to possible to emotionally get lost in. For an uncountable amount of seconds they just kissed and pressed together and caressed what parts of skin they could reach. One of Sasuke’s hands stayed to hold Naruto’s head in place as their lips and tongues played; the other wandered to run along his side and his back and the side of his ass and over the thin, soft skin that separated leg from groin. Naruto’s free hand caressed along the leg he had lifted; from toes to the inside of his cheek, until his hands connected. The fingers kept up their soft thrusting and curling and conjuring sparkles; sliding easier now; easier and easier.

Then the seconds were over and the fingers pulled out to leave Sasuke feeling horribly empty. But only for a short moment. Before his heart could start beating faster in anticipation, before he could fully grasp what came next and fear it, Naruto was there. Maybe he pushed harder this time than he had done the last, maybe Sasuke was just more ready; either way, when the movement came there was hardly any time at all separating Naruto being on the outside and him being on the inside.

There was pain that made Sasuke’s vision blur, but it was just not that. It felt soul-squeezingly amazing, but it was not just that either. Sasuke tensed every muscle that was part of his body and his spine arched to the point that he would have worried about it snapping if he had been capable of worrying. He gave a yellish, moanish sound that he would have worried was loud enough to wake any sleepers in the apartment, if he had been capable of worrying.

“Sorry!” Naruto grunted in his ear, possibly. It could have been something else; his voice was muffled and his word-making skills suddenly horrible.

“No,” Sasuke panted, or was that whined? He could barely see anything for all the stars dancing in front of his eyes. “I’m fine.”

This was ‘fine’? He couldn’t tell where the pleasure stopped and the pain began. Maybe there was no stopping or beginning. Did it feel good or bad? Both. It felt so good he could pass out, and so bad he could vomit. Or maybe it was all good. There was no way to tell. His whole being tingled. Sasuke’s hands gripped Naruto’s shoulders so hard he worried he might break the skin. He was capable now; at least a very small, very pushed-into-the-back-of-his-mind part of him. The rest of him was just overwhelmed.

Had it felt like this last time? No, it could not have felt this much last time. This much would have chased Itachi away.

“Should... I...?” Naruto breathed.

“No,” Sasuke managed to get out, because it had sounded like one of those conjured by hesitation ‘I’m scared I’ll hurt you’ questions. ‘Should I stop?’

“Yes,” he said a second later, because he realized that maybe it was another kind of question. Like ‘should I keep going?’

Naruto panted against Sasuke’s throat and nothing happened. Sasuke let his mind and heart and the tingles inside his body raze for another second before he swallowed and gathered himself enough to form a sentence.

“What... were you asking?”

“I don’t... remember,” Naruto moaned. “Damn, you’re so...”

Sasuke found a shaky, weak laughter crawling its way through his throat.

“So are you,” he was suddenly smiling. Was that tears or sweat running down his face? Not that it mattered.

The dancing stars in front of his eyes had faded but the tingly pleasure and the fullness stayed. Had Naruto grown over these last two days? He felt different from last time, bigger. But maybe it was just a trick of the mind. Thoughts started to come easier. Sasuke’s hands fumbled and made their way to cradle and pull Naruto’s face away from where it was hiding at his throat.

“Look at me,” he whispered.

The blue eyes were dark and shiny and beautiful. Sasuke licked up the two streams of tears that had fallen from them. Not sad tears though; no no, far from it. Tears of being overwhelmed. Tears of being so squeezed by pleasure that something had to come out.

“It feels good,” Sasuke said.

Naruto leaned down and pressed his lips to Sasuke’s mouth. Urged the lips to open and slipped his tongue inside when they did. How could they find the focus to kiss in this state of being?

Sasuke suddenly realized that anyone could walk in at any moment. Where were the blankets? Probably under them; stupid blankets. Anyone at any moment. One of their friends on the way to the bathroom, or the kitchen for a glass of water; Shikamaru’s parents coming home. A shiver of anxiety mixed with thrill went through Sasuke and he couldn’t help the tightening of his muscles.

He would have snorted in disbelief at the thrill part of that shiver. He was not an exhibitionist, quite the contrary. The thought of them being this exposed, this naked, and in the middle of what they were doing, should have made Sasuke want to stop and hide. Yes, part of him did, but it should have made all of him want to stop and hide. He would have found it hard to belief, if he hadn’t been in the middle of what he was in the middle of.

As it was, the tightening of muscles involved some muscles that really should not be tightening at the moment and for a second Sasuke found himself on the verge of tears in pain. He could feel Naruto jerk in response and hear him moan into their kiss.

A moment had to pass before Sasuke was able to relax again. Since when did his boyfriend become so big? Not just the experience. Maybe it was the point of view, one not distracted by feelings that didn’t belong, like last time. Their lips parted and Naruto panted harshly against Sasuke’s cheek. He seemed to have difficulties keeping his eyes open and his forehead wrinkled in a frown. Sasuke couldn’t help but wonder if the soft, slow thrusting that had started to flow from Naruto’s hips was intentional or instinct.

“That felt...” Naruto mumbled. “Damn... You’re... I can’t...”

The last word was a whine. Sasuke slipped a hand between them and began a slow stroking rhythm on himself that matched the one of Naruto’s hips and hands. The hands had latched a hold of Sasuke’s hips and were tugging slightly, pushing them closer together.

“Move more,” Sasuke breathed against Naruto’s cheek that had come within reach.

Naruto gave a moanish whine in response, as if words were too much. But this was one of those ‘no need for words’ moments, wasn’t it? Sasuke shifted his hips through the stretching pain-pleasure and had them join the post-urging slowly escalating rhythm. There was no bed that could creak tonight, but if there had been a bed it would have been creaking. A clear and unmistakable creaking, Sasuke imagined, where the moments of silence between creaks would have been growing shorter and shorter. And stronger. Sasuke’s back was bent; his backside held up by Naruto’s legs that pushed further underneath him for every thrust. Though it was impossible, had to be, for every would-have-been creak it felt like Naruto came deeper. Like he was heading for some goal on the inside; the heart maybe. Maybe if he got far enough they wouldn’t be able to separate afterwards. They would become like a rope; two fibers entwined to make one. Sasuke’s hand and his hips kept up as the rhythm changed. Naruto’s hands gripped harder and more fiercely.

And at some point they started kissing again. Naruto wrestled his face from its hiding place at Sasuke’s cheek and the mouth descended on Sasuke’s. There was a moan for every thrust. Neither Sasuke nor Naruto was very engaged in the kissing, however; busy concentrating on other actions. But it helped keep their mouths a part of things and that was enough.

Naruto was so heavy like this; he seemed so strong. It was hard to think that this was someone Sasuke could beat up in his sleep. Well, he probably couldn’t anymore. Would his mind not refuse doing harm to this guy?

Sasuke came suddenly and unexpectedly. The pressure had risen steadily and he had felt that it would probably have to be released soon, in a while; but one thrust produced much more pleasure than the others had, at the same time as his fingers slipped over a particularly sensitive spot. He was surprised. He tore his mouth away, gave a yelp of pleasure and squeezed his eyes shut as the stars came to dance for him and felt warm stickiness hit his chest. Bad angle, this, but he realized it too late. If he hadn’t been so overwhelmed by the stars and the waves of pleasure rolling through him, he would have scrunched up his nose and ‘eww’-ed as one particularly wayward stickiness found a home on his cheek, very close to his mouth. He would have felt like a porn movie victim if he had had any feelings to spare.

Naruto gave more of a moan of pleasure than a yelp, but his thrusting came to such an abrupt stop when Sasuke’s body tensed that Sasuke wondered if he had managed to squeeze Naruto over the cliff as well. Or, he would have wondered, if he had been capable. By the time the waves had slowed down enough for his brain to start to semi-function properly again, the tightness of his body had relaxed and the thrusting had returned; softer than before the break at first and slower, but there and growing stronger.

When Sasuke opened his eyes, he found Naruto looking at him. There was a glow in the blue eyes and they looked like battlefields; the battle was fought between pleasure, relief and joy about who was the strongest emotion at the moment. The boyfriend was smiling. Sasuke gave what smile in return that he could manage in his current state. The motion reminded him of the spot on his cheek however, and the smile faded quickly again. His nose scrunched up. He would have wiped it off quickly, if his clean hand hadn’t been occupied holding onto Naruto’s neck and if his unoccupied hand wouldn’t have only made things worse.

Sasuke noticed one second later that he could just rub his face against the pillow. Yes, it was gross and he might accidentally push the stuff onto his lips, but it was worth the risk, getting it off. He would have done it. If Naruto’s tongue hadn’t been faster, sliding over the spot. For a moment the blond looked surprised by his own actions, like he couldn’t believe he had done such a thing. Sasuke supposed he carried the same expression himself. Because it was easy to be wise afterwards, Sasuke shouldn’t have left his mouth slightly opened if he got to do it all over again, but as it was, Naruto’s tongue had free passage to Sasuke’s when the bold kiss came and Sasuke got to taste something he had never thought he’d get to taste.

If it was the naughtiness of it all or if it was just time, Sasuke didn’t know, but as Naruto’s tongue pressed the before-this-moment-never-experienced taste to Sasuke’s tongue, with two hard last thrusts, Naruto’s hips stopped again. His lips and tongue stopped working and he moaned into the kiss. His hands gripped Sasuke’s hips like they were life itself.

For a moment Naruto didn’t breathe. Sasuke realized there may have not been any creaks before, but there had been sounds; lots of sounds. It was so clear now that they were gone. There had been the shifting of cloth, the sounds of skin pushing against skin; thinking about it was kind of gross but there had been a soft, rhythmical and squishy sound there too, from between their legs; and breathing. Swallowing, moaning, whining. It was so quiet all of a sudden that Sasuke would have worried if he hadn’t felt Naruto’s heart hammering inside his chest; if he hadn’t been swallowed up by the warmth of them this close together.

There was a burning on the inside of him, but it was as comforting as it was painful. Or maybe even more comforting. It was a strange feeling, hard flesh growing soft inside of you. Strange and strangely innate. When Naruto started breathing again, it was like the world started over.

At first the new world was just the sound and feel of Naruto panting against Sasuke’s skin. Shortly after the feel of their bodies being as close together as they were came as well. Then the ceiling and the dim, swimming-in-night-light living room, the mattress and blankets and the pillow. There was the weight of Naruto and the blueness of his eyes as they came into view.

He looked worried and happy at the same time. Happy, but worried because maybe he shouldn’t be happy. It looked like something like that and it would make sense. Sasuke thought that maybe he should smile back to ease that worry, but then he remembered he had done that the last time; probably wouldn’t be so comforting. So he lifted his head and kissed instead. Naruto’s tongue was hesitant at first but couldn’t stand much teasing before it came out to play. It was a soft, lazy kiss; fitting right into the afterglow mood.

When their lips had slipped apart, Sasuke found himself being just watched for a moment before any words came.

“Are you...?” the boyfriend asked as if he didn’t want to. “...okay?”

“I’m great,” Sasuke said. He shifted a little, just for the sake of moving. The burning on the inside let itself be known, and soft Naruto, but it didn’t matter. “Just want to get cleaned up.”

“Oh! Y-yeah... Me too,” Naruto gave a soft, nervous laughter.

He left an empty feeling behind when he left Sasuke alone in himself. He looked a little wobbly when he got to his knees and started fiddling with the condom.

“And… gotta dump this, ” he mumbled. “Bathroom?”

“I’ll use the blanket you already messed up,” Sasuke said. It was already messed up and he didn’t feel like trying out his after-sex legs just yet. How had they worked last time? The boyfriend gave a small, nervous grin and helped pull out the piece of fabric lodged under Sasuke’s thigh.

Sasuke wondered if Shikamaru would mention any of this in the future, say tomorrow, or if it would be too embarrassing for him. Yes, it was difficult to imagine Shikamaru embarrassed, and he had been talking pretty openly just hours ago. But there was a difference between talking about something you knew had been done somewhere and talking about something you knew had been done in your living room.

“Yeah, so… I’ll be right back.” Naruto gave another nervous, low laughter and got to his feet.

“Okay,” Sasuke said and wondered what Shikamaru’s mother would say, finding a used condom in her trash.

He felt even emptier when Naruto disappeared out into the hall and he found himself wondering how long it would take to get back to normal. He couldn’t remember how long it had taken last time. In many ways, this was a first time. Lying alone in the living room, rubbing himself with the blanket and listening to the soft sounds as Naruto tried to be sneaky in the bathroom, Sasuke thought for a moment about Itachi.

The man must be asleep now; they had strict bedtimes and evening pills. He wondered if Itachi was dreaming and if he did, what he dreamed about. Probably nothing like Naruto’s dreams. Dreams were tricky when you were on pills. They could be good or bad or nonexistent.

He remembered he had thought about Naruto pretty much like this not even a day ago. ‘Was he sleeping? What was he dreaming?’ Only when he thought of Naruto that time it had spiraled into warm thoughts that felt nice. These thoughts now of Itachi didn’t spiral into any further thoughts at all. Sasuke supposed that was a good thing.

“What are you thinking?” Naruto asked and Sasuke turned his head to find the boyfriend standing in the doorway, watching. His face was almost lit up by the streetlight and he was all naked. Sasuke couldn’t help but look and think about where he had been just moments earlier. ‘On the inside of me.’

“Just things,” Sasuke said.

Itachi was closer physically this time; only an hour or so, depending on how you went there. But he was further away emotionally; not there at all emotionally.

Naruto came closer and took the blanket from Sasuke’s hands. He dropped it on the floor and pulled out the unsoiled one from under Sasuke’s shoulder blade area. Then the boyfriend lay down next to Sasuke, covered them both and cuddled.

“Are you really okay?” he mumbled, in a tone that said he was serious.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said.

“You’re not hurt?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“What do you want me to say?” Sasuke asked, not in irritation; seriously.

“I don’t know,” Naruto mumbled and cuddled even closer. He breathed out against Sasuke’s ear. It didn’t feel awkward, but strange; like they hadn’t just been doing what they had been doing. If it hadn’t been for the burning on the inside, the messy blanket on the floor and the used condom somewhere in the bathroom, maybe it could have just been a dream, conjured up by Sasuke’s inner pervert.

A hand was stroking circles around Sasuke’s hipbone. Sasuke covered it with one of his own and entwined their fingers.

“How does it feel?” Naruto asked after a moment.

“How does what feel?”

“You know...” Naruto sounded like he didn’t want to ask again. “When I’m... you know.”

“It feels... interesting,” Sasuke said. “I’ll show you some day.”

“Okay,” Naruto said and the way he said it made Sasuke doubt he really knew what they were talking about. “Are you tired?”

Or maybe he was just that okay with Sasuke topping. He had suggested it earlier, Sasuke remembered when he thought more about it. Maybe it hadn’t just been an ‘I’m scared I’ll hurt you’ reaction.

“A little,” Sasuke said. Then he remembered something and frowned. “You licked up my cum?”

“...It was really close to your mouth.”

“So what? That makes it okay?” Not that it was wrong really, just... Unexpected maybe.

“How did it taste?”

“You’re not answering,” Sasuke looked at the blond and the blond looked back at him.

“It’s okay,” Naruto said. “It came from you, so it’s okay.”

“That’s... just painfully bad reasoning,” Sasuke wrinkled his nose and forehead.

“How am I gonna blow you if I don’t know how it tastes?”

Sasuke had had good comebacks for at least seven more supposedly silly and illogical lines from his amazing, but still silly boyfriend and the very sudden disappearance of them, as his brain registered what had been said and stumbled over itself, left him with an open mouth for a moment. He could feel Naruto grin against his throat. He swallowed.

“You... needed to know that tonight?”

Naruto gave a chuckle.

“You know what I’ve learned this weekend?” he said and the very tone told Sasuke that he didn’t want to know. “Planning... is bad. I planned like crazy for Friday and see where that got us. You on the other hand managed to set up this in half an hour, or something. Planning is bad. I’m never planning anything again. It will have to be a surprise when I blow you.”

Sasuke sighed and failed at making it sound like he didn’t care. Then he had to chuckle and smile. A car passed somewhere and the headlights ran across the ceiling.

.
.