Almost Sucks

Almost Sucks
by Mashiro

Naruto fandom, series, no spoilers
AU, BOYS LOVE: Naruto x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Lee x Gaara

first version: October 29th 2007, Monday
second version: January 6th 2009, Tuesday

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This is the last main chapter; 66 to 77 are epilogues. Thank you for reading this far!

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DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the rights to the Naruto series or characters and I make no money writing this. I’m just a fan. This is fan fiction.

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65: Coming home

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The scent still clung to him, as if it had grabbed a hold of his skin with soft, gentle claws that he didn’t want to pull away from. It was a warm, heavy scent that gave Sasuke a strange feeling of being home. He knew the scent well but hadn’t thought about it for a long time now; hadn’t thought about how... powerful it was.

He had a home. He had a family.

It reminded him of how young he was and how many years Kakashi had lived; the difference between their birthdates. Kakashi had an adult scent. Stability. He had strength and arms that could catch and keep Sasuke standing when he stumbled. In any way, no matter what.

It was a lie. Sasuke knew it was a lie. Kakashi was not strong enough to stand against everything. He wasn’t even strong enough to stand against most things. He was mortal. He could easily be knocked down and he could easily be killed.

But the scent didn’t listen. Sasuke’s mind didn’t listen. It kept deciphering the information it received in the same foolish way. Stability. Strength. Home. Family.

Sasuke remembered the time he had run away from Kakashi and hidden in that shelter for bikes. He remembered what he had thought, what had been running through his mind as he ran through the night. They had been stupid thoughts without logic, but unstoppable.

‘He’s lying with his smell! His body is lying!’

Still, Kakashi had followed. He had found Sasuke and carried him home and taken care of him through the violent fever that followed. He hadn’t left Sasuke’s side for days. He had moved a mattress into Sasuke’s room and slept next to the bed. Sasuke suspected he had even slept a couple of the nights in the bed, but Sasuke had been too out of it those nights to really remember.

Sasuke remembered the time before they left Sachiko-baachan and the feeling of safety that Naruto’s closeness had wrapped him in. He hadn’t remembered at the time, where he recognized that feeling from, but now he did.

-

It was hard to focus on what Kakashi had told him. As Sasuke tried to think about how it made him feel the thoughts squirmed away from him. Other thoughts distracted him, someone talked to him, someone hugged him and the reaction to the information was kept from him.

Sasuke found himself thinking about why instead. Why the thoughts squirmed away, because he needed to think something. However, that was difficult as well. He didn’t know why. Kakashi’s other words kept echoing. Sasuke was not old enough to decide why some things were difficult and others were not. Those words had angered him; at the same time as they had rendered him indescribably relieved.

‘I am a child. But I am not.’

‘I don’t know. But I want to.’

‘I don’t want you to tell me that I don’t have to figure it out. That I don’t have to...’

‘At times you feel like a stranger. This whole world feels like an unknown, incredibly frightening place that I’ve been tossed into and I’m still just five years old. And I want my mom.’

Maybe the reason it was so hard to focus on what Kakashi had said, about Sasuke coming home drugged and not remembering it the morning after, was because it didn’t matter. Sasuke got this feeling that Orochimaru had been drugging him every time they met, this was just the first time he’d done it with pills. The pills weren’t something new; they were just an every-party-day thing that came back dressed in different clothes. They were what Orochimaru had always done to him. With him. For him.

Another part of Sasuke was hard to listen to. It was hard to really take in what that part said, because he wasn’t sure he liked what it meant. It spoke of how close he had been to something that maybe he would have...

Sasuke couldn’t remember that night and couldn’t remember what had been running through his head when he had taken those pills, but... He’d never told Kakashi or Shikamaru or even Tsunade, but there had been times when Sasuke had wanted to... go to the man, and see what he would do to him; see if maybe he could make Sasuke stronger and less confused; less caring, less fucking scared and less pathetic.

That night could have been one of those moments. It could be that he had thrown himself over that edge that he hadn’t really dared to throw himself over before. Sasuke supposed that was the reason he hadn’t been able to leave Orochimaru alone. He hadn’t wanted to give up what maybe the man could have given him.

But he hadn’t been able to tell Kakashi that. Not this morning and not any morning before this one. He could, and probably should, have told Tsunade; but he had never found the right words. And now... Now it was past tense. Sasuke wasn’t sure it was true anymore. Or rather, he was sure it wasn’t. While Sasuke hated to say or feel that some particular thing or event had changed him (life just couldn’t be that simple), he couldn’t be honest and still claim that nothing had happened since he moved away from the city. Things had happened and they had affected him. He was in love.

The reason Sasuke had kept going back to Orochimaru before was different from the reason he had gone to him three nights ago. It was not a need for whatever change the man might give him, it was... Or maybe it had been. But not the same kind of need and not the same kind of change. It was just... Sasuke had needed to be where he shouldn’t be and he had needed to... step away from life for a moment. Orochimaru was good for that. When Sasuke needed things that others wouldn’t give him because they cared too much about him and couldn’t understand why he would need such things, he had always been able to go to Orochimaru. And it seemed he still could.

Sasuke was both angry and grateful for that. He both wanted nothing more to do with anything the man might offer and wanted to keep the possibility in a locket around his neck. Confusing. Kakashi’s words kept repeating.

‘You don’t need to know.’

Though Sasuke did know something. One thing was not confusing at all, at least not in his heart. If Sasuke hadn’t come home drugged that night, when Iruka was visiting, if he hadn’t scared the hell out of Kakashi; would they have moved away from this place? Would Sasuke ever have met Naruto and would he have had the blond worm his way through the defenses around his frightened heart? Would Sasuke have fallen in love? Would he and an incarnation of the sun have pretended they were a rope?

When he thought about it like that, Sasuke could smile softly and push the confusion aside. It didn’t matter. He was here and he was different and he was happy to be alive. He was happy. Sasuke dared to wish nothing undone.

-

“Naruto is waiting outside,” Iruka said when Sasuke came into the kitchen, without looking up from the cup he cradled in his hands. “You’ve got half an hour before we leave.”

“Okay,” Sasuke said. But he lingered in the doorway; he couldn’t find the strength to pull his hand away from the wall. The counters and the sink were clean and there was not a trace of their breakfast earlier. Shikamaru’s mother would inspect and find nothing. Sasuke’s nose said that Iruka’s cup contained coffee.

“I thought you only drank tea,” he found himself saying.

Iruka looked up and looked surprised. He had probably thought that Sasuke would leave as fast as he could. Sasuke had thought so too. Then the man at the table smiled weakly, tiredly.

“I drink coffee when I can’t stop myself,” he said and threw a hand out in a giving up gesture. “It’s been a rough night. Where is Kakashi?”

“Shikamaru’s room,” Sasuke said and managed to stop himself before he could really start to gnaw at his lip. “He’ll be out soon.”

“I’m sorry,” Iruka said.

There was something in the mood. Sasuke frowned.

“I didn’t treat you fairly all the time,” the man continued. “I want you to know I’m sorry about that.”

“I... wasn’t fair either,” Sasuke said and curled his hand to a loose fist against the wall. “...All the time.”

For a moment it was silent and Sasuke wondered how long Kakashi would stay in Shikamaru’s room. Iruka looked at Sasuke and it seemed a bit like they met for the first time.

“I’ll probably do it again though,” Sasuke said when the silence had made things too special; too solemn. “Don’t take it personally.”

Iruka smiled, a less weak one this time; like Sasuke had said something else entirely. And maybe beneath the words he had.

“You know,” Iruka said. “When Naruto was a kid, he was chaos and energy on feet. There was nothing I didn’t have to expect of him. Anything was possible. At one time, his favorite indoors game was making a jungle in the living room with my green curtains. When I changed to red ones to discourage him, he made hell instead.”

Sasuke couldn’t help but smile. He was not surprised at all. A wild child with blond hair and the hugest grin ever, building hell in the living room because the curtains were red. Why Iruka told him the story now, Sasuke didn’t know. It didn’t make sense, but at the same time it did. It was silent again for a moment, but this moment felt less serious. Nice. A good moment.

Iruka was not a part of Sasuke’s family, but that felt okay. What he was, was okay. He was Kakashi’s boyfriend and he liked reminding Sasuke that they would one day be a family. That was okay and enough for now.

Iruka was not a part of Sasuke’s family. But neither had Kakashi been at first. Nor Naruto, nor Shikamaru.

Families grew; even if you didn’t intend it. Families grew. Sasuke had thought he would be alone until he died. He would have people around him, yes, but he would be alone. He had been wrong. Families grew.

“You should get going,” Iruka turned his eyes away from Sasuke and sipped at his coffee. “Your half hour is ticking.”

“Right,” Sasuke said and this time he could walk away.

-

Naruto sat on a patch of the sidewalk where the sun had melted the snow. He had his back to Sasuke and judging from his bowed head he was watching the asphalt. For some reason Sasuke wondered and found himself worried that the guy was upset; angry about something. Getting grounded maybe? Losing their sex? But had Naruto ever hesitated when Sasuke was angry?

“You waited for me,” Sasuke said. He had barely finished the sentence before realizing how silly a thing it was to say.

Naruto twisted and looked over his shoulder. There wasn’t a trace of anger on his face.

“Of course I waited for you!” he grinned. “I don’t know where your old apartment is.”

“Of course,” Sasuke said softly.

When he got close enough, Naruto reached out, grabbed a hold of Sasuke’s leg and pulled him even closer. He nuzzled his face to Sasuke’s thigh. The pants squeezed around and pressed to Sasuke’s skin, as Naruto did.

“Wow,” Sasuke said and glanced around to see how many people were around to watch them. “Didn’t think we’d break the rules so quickly.”

“We’re not,” Naruto mumbled and pressed his lips and nose to the fabric. Inhaled. “The rules were postponed, remember? And this isn’t sex. Your pants smell good.”

One of Naruto’s hands wandered to Sasuke’s ankle and up under the pants. With the other he teased what he had just said and traced Sasuke’s ass through the fabric. Sasuke almost closed his eyes, but caught himself in time; looked this way and that again to make sure the street was really deserted enough. It was. Lucky. He didn’t want to pull away; enjoyed the hands on him. And lips. Naruto’s mouth kissed the exposed ankle.

“The stay away from my pants was part of the no sex rule,” Sasuke said.

“Was not,” Naruto said, like a child. His ass-caressing hand grew bolder. “Can you still feel me?”

Sasuke smiled. The sky above them was dressed in reds, preparing for a new day.

“Yes,” he said.

Naruto smiled against his skin.

“I don’t want to be without you for a whole month.”

“It’s not like I’m leaving,” Sasuke said.

The words were already spoken when he remembered how close this day was to the day he had left and felt stupid. Stupid thing to say. History repeats itself, someone had said, and so far Sasuke’s running away tradition had stayed a tradition. But Naruto didn’t seem to notice, or maybe he could hide it.

“I know,” the boyfriend said and he was smiling, Sasuke could hear it in his voice. “You know what I mean.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes and gave a soft sigh of relief, not meant for Naruto’s ears; not meant for anyone’s ears but his own. He let a moment of gratitude pass before answering.

“And you know that you don’t have to worry. We will have broken those rules several times before the week is over.”

Naruto gasped in faked horror and took his mouth from Sasuke’s ankle. He looked up with blue eyes wide and his ass-hand gave a squeeze.

“We will not have broken the rules,” he said as if the very thought of it offended him beyond words.

Sasuke raised a brow.

“Iruka would know and he would ground us even longer!”

“You’re paranoid,” Sasuke said. “And delusional, if you think you can stay away from me for a whole month.”

Something glimmered in Naruto’s eyes and a smile glimmered past his lips.

“I can so stay away from you,” he assured, but still his hands kept stroking.

Sasuke shook his head and smiled.

“Delusional,” he said.

“You know what I think?” Naruto said and he used that tone that told Sasuke that he didn’t want to know, because Naruto was going to say something outrageously silly. Sasuke hated how curious that tone made him.

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s you who can’t stay away from me for a whole month. You want me to want to break the rules so that you won’t have to endure thirty days without my hands and other body parts inside your pants. It’s your pervert speaking!”

Sasuke snorted in amusement; couldn’t help himself. Naruto looked absolutely thrilled.

“Like I said,” he said and cradled Naruto’s face in his hands and leaned closer. “Delusional.”

Sasuke could so handle a month without Naruto’s hands. And other body parts. They both knew that Naruto was the needy one. Before the blond could protest Sasuke kissed him and occupied his tongue. For a second Naruto moaned like he wanted to speak rather than kiss, but then he straightened out his priorities and kissed back hungrily. His hands helped. He didn’t seem to care that he was only proving Sasuke’s point. They were so going to break the rules. Not that Sasuke couldn’t have handled the month if he had been forced to. He was not a Naruto-addict.

“I’m not breaking the rules,” Naruto grinned when they came apart; licked his lips. His hands were still squeezing and Sasuke hated the surge of frustration that wanted to rise in him. Not just frustration because Naruto was being stubborn about the whole thing either, frustration because maybe the blond was telling the truth. Maybe he wouldn’t break the rules. Even though that was absolutely ridiculous. Frustration, and a slight sliver of worry. Thirty days were so... many days!

“Yes, you are,” Sasuke said.

“Are you gonna show me your old apartment or what?” Naruto wouldn’t stop grinning.

“As soon as you stop groping my ass,” Sasuke said.

“But you look so needy,” Naruto fake-pouted and looked so pathetic Sasuke couldn’t stop the smile crawling to his lips as he pulled away.

“I want to give you as much as I can before I have to stay away!” the blond shouted as Sasuke walked. A few seconds later, he ran to catch up and hooked his arm around Sasuke’s when he did.

“You really should thank me,” Naruto said. He was still grinning. Sasuke couldn’t stop smiling.

-

It felt strange to ring the bell to your own apartment; Sasuke supposed that was why he was hesitating. In a way it still felt like it was his own and he should be able to just walk in. It felt like they had never left, like he’d met Naruto somewhere downtown and they’d fallen in love here. Naruto’s house was somewhere in the suburbs and Iruka worked at Kakashi’s old school.

At the same time Sasuke knew he had left. This was not home anymore. He had moved and so had home. Sasuke couldn’t come here drunk early, early in the morning anymore and fumble with the key, curse as he dropped it once or twice before managing to unlock the door and stagger into the hall and stumble on shoes. He doubted the Akimichi’s, according to the new sign on the door, would appreciate it if he did.

“You lived here?” Naruto whispered.

In some part of Sasuke it felt like he had never lived here at all.

“No,” Sasuke sighed, used the distraction to finally press the button. “I lived three floors above here, that’s why I’m ringing this door.”

Naruto’s sniff said ‘you don’t have to be like that’. For a second or two they waited in silence.

“It doesn’t look like you,” Naruto muttered. Sasuke frowned and looked at the boyfriend.

“Why...?” He started to ask, but didn’t make it to ‘not’ before the door was unlocked, the handle pressed down, the door opened and Sasuke was forced to turn back.

The guy in the door looked a mix between ‘I wanted to sleep for at least six more hours’, ‘especially since this morning has turned out so weird’ and ‘but I’ll try to be polite anyway’. There was a slight frown on his forehead and Sasuke thought he could see a hint of ‘and I have a feeling it’s all your fault’ aimed at him in the guy’s eyes; but that could just be paranoia.

“Sasuke, right?” the guy said, almost sighed. He looked at Naruto and the frown deepened. A sliver of worry and embarrassment came to join the rest of the emotions on his face. “And... um... Na...”

He kept his mouth open for a second or two, as if hoping the rest of it would crawl out on its own. Then he closed it and scratched one of his eyebrows.

“Naruto?” Naruto said and sounded as offended as he probably should.

“Yeah,” the guy’s frown dissolved and for a moment he bathed in remembering. “Naruto.”

Then he looked even more embarrassed.

“Sorry,” he said. “I keep mixing you up with that... Never mind. Sorry.”

“What?” Naruto said, clearly frustrated. “It’s not even a long...”

“Where is Shikamaru?” Sasuke hurried to interrupt. Their half hour was ticking and all that. “We heard he came here with... our friends.”

“Um, yeah,” the guy said and glanced apologetically at Naruto. “They’re here. Come in.”

There were strange shoes in Sasuke’s hallway, strange paintings on his walls and a strange smell in the air. Not even the walls were as they should be. New colors. They had messed up his... And the other half of Sasuke said that this apartment had never been his. It would have made his stomach hurt if he had let it and he saw no reason to.

“Chouji.”

Sasuke snapped back to look at the guy when he spoke and he saw Naruto do the same. They had both been looking around in wonder it seemed; maybe even for the same reasons.

‘You used to live here?’

‘I used to live here?’

“That’s... my name,” the guy said and gave what probably would have been a smile if it had been later in the day and the situation had been less awkward. It was awkward, wasn’t it? At least slightly. “Pleased to meet you.”

How long had Shikamaru known this guy anyway? They couldn’t have become friends immediately; Shikamaru wasn’t the type. How soon had these guys moved in after Sasuke and Kakashi had moved out?

Sasuke said ‘pleased to meet you’ back and Naruto did too.

“You... used to live here, did you?” Chouji said, looking at Sasuke. “Shikamaru told me.”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said and looked around again. “This... wallpaper looks good.”

The guy gave half a chuckle and looked a bit less awkward.

“My mom likes redecorating,” he said.

Sasuke got the feeling Chouji didn’t have a horde of friends. He wasn’t exactly shy, but... Maybe he was just not used to having people over. Not that this was a normal ‘coming over’. No one should be used to having this many strangers over this early. Why weren’t they at school by the way? Or getting ready for it. There didn’t seem to be any parents at home here either. What had happened to all the city parents?

As they moved through the apartment it became clear to Sasuke that Chouji had not been lying when he said his mother liked redecorating. New things just kept showing up. Carpets, furniture, plants, TV, bookcase, curtains, wallpapers. Nothing looked like it should. Not that he had expected to find their things still here, but... Even the view seemed different because of the flowery cloth framing the windows.

Sasuke found he didn’t know what to feel. Feelings kept showing up; frustration, awe, anger, sadness; but none of them stuck around. Mostly he felt strangely empty. Unlike the confusion with Orochimaru and Kakashi earlier, this confusion and lack of reactions wasn’t anything he wanted to try and figure out. Not now. Something told him that it would all fall into place when he got home, without falling into place at all. The feelings would come to him properly, even if the full understanding stayed away, and he was quite sure that when they did he would cry. A lot of things had gone through a pretty vicious shredder this weekend. And other things (or the same things, some moments after the shredder) had been turned into gold. Maybe he just needed to cry to release some of the tension. Crying was good for that. Crying and sex with Naruto, but he was banned from the latter. And he was comfortable doing neither without privacy.

So Sasuke let himself feel strangely empty, walking through the made-over apartment that wasn’t his anymore. He felt, but at the same time didn’t; in a good way. He knew he’d feel plenty when he got home to make up for it. He did feel one thing clearly however (and the similarities between this train of thought’s last station and the Orochimaru/Kakashi train of thought’s last station was soothing and at the same time exhilarating). So clearly that he could touch it. It was a warm presence, probably slightly pouting because his name had been forgotten, close at his side. Somehow that presence was tons more graspable than the presence of Sasuke’s home that was his home no longer. It made perfect sense and left no doubt. It had even seeped into every step he took. It was comforting hurt that was no hurt. Maybe Sasuke had turned into a masochist. Or maybe Naruto just meant that much.

“I’ve got your old room, right?” Chouji had stopped outside said room; sounded sorry.

“Yeah,” Sasuke said. It mattered but at the same time didn’t make a difference at all. So what?

Then the door opened and they were let in. There was a big desk with lots of computer things where Sasuke’s bed should have been. Shikamaru sat on a normal chair next to the office chair in front of the desk and waved when they entered. Gaara half lay on the bed like he owned it and Lee sat on the very edge of it like he wanted to sit somewhere else. They waved too; Lee with a smile, Gaara with a grin.

Sasuke swallowed and fought the warmness rising to his cheeks with all his might because you had to be an idiot not to know what was on the redhead’s mind. At the same time Sasuke didn’t want the redhead to know that he knew and that he was embarrassed; even though you had to be an idiot (or an exhibitionist) not to be embarrassed. The thought ‘Gaara of the Sand should not grin’ also danced around in his head.

“Shut up,” Naruto said loudly and very firmly and Sasuke was sure he wasn’t the only one in the room that flinched. The blond marched up to Gaara on the bed and in a way seemed taller than two seconds before.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Naruto said. “But you won’t say anything because it’s private. It’s just between me and him and... Stop looking at me like that. Right now! I’m serious. I don’t want...!”

The boyfriend’s voice, that had grown steadily louder for every sentence, was suddenly interrupted by a harsh pounding on the ceiling. Naruto flinched and looked up like he’d never even heard of cranky neighbors (though that was highly unlikely, judging by the story Iruka had told just moments before in the kitchen). Sasuke closed his eyes and memories of many frustrating moments flashed back to him. There had been times when he’d felt like killing the seventy year old lady upstairs. For a moment and two Naruto seemed a bit off balance; a bit like he wasn’t quite sure if gravity was reliable in this weird corner of the world. He made a hesitating, apologetic and slightly embarrassed face in Chouji’s direction.

Gaara spoke before anyone else could and Sasuke wanted to sink through the floor as soon as he heard the tone of the annoying bastard’s voice.

“You’ll have to forgive him. He was up all night having sex with his boyfriend. While it sounded like a pretty awesome way to spend a night, this guy really needs his sleep.”

-

It felt like a very short visit. So many things had happened, had been squeezed into that short period of time, that it had felt even shorter. It was like they hadn’t even had time to arrive before they left again. Out into the new day. Sasuke first with Naruto at his side; Lee and Gaara after them. Naruto was smiling like he couldn’t control himself and despite everything, Sasuke felt okay. Just fine. He had his gift in his pocket. Naruto held his in his hand.

It had taken some time to calm Naruto down, get Gaara to stop teasing him and the lady upstairs to stop trying to stomp a hole through Chouji’s ceiling. The guy had looked a bit like he wasn’t sure he’d woken up properly this morning. Sasuke had felt seriously sorry for him, when he could block out the embarrassment brought up by Gaara. At moments it had felt like he’d never be able to look anyone in the eyes ever again. Shikamaru had looked like he had a headache. But there had been something else there as well; Sasuke found it when he looked Shikamaru in the eyes and when he looked inside himself. A part of both of them had been amazed, in a good way.

Sure, the scene had been embarrassing as hell (there really were no limits to what Gaara was capable of saying and where he was capable of saying it), but there had been a bright feeling there as well. That room had been lively before; music playing too loud, drinking, laughing; but it had never had that kind of brightness to it. There had been a quality of amazing life among the craziness and embarrassment. It hadn’t been because of the wallpapers or because Chouji had put the furniture differently; not because of Gaara lounging on the bed or Lee trying to diffuse the tension between his boyfriend and his friend. It had been...

Amazing really, how one guy could breathe such life into everything he touched. Amazing that Sasuke hadn’t realized it before when it was so damn obvious now. But maybe something had been needed where Sasuke had a clear ‘before’, ‘without’ image to compare with, like this place. It was hard to be objective about yourself. Maybe that was how Shikamaru and Kakashi and Tsunade had known. They had had Sasuke to look at.

Naruto. Sasuke hadn’t thought people like that existed.

When things had calmed down enough, Gaara had given Sasuke a small, stick-looking object. Sasuke had always preferred CDs and a CD player, but he recognized an MP3 player when he saw one. Or had one shoved into his hand.

‘Iruka banned you from your music, didn’t he?’ Gaara had said. He had explained that he’d been around long enough to figure out how the punishments usually went, and the CDs had seemed the only reasonable thing that could be taken away from Sasuke.

‘This isn’t your music,’ Gaara had said and interrupted Naruto’s instant protests. ‘You’re not breaking any rules.’

‘You’ll probably like it though,’ Shikamaru had said. ‘You two have similar tastes.’

Sasuke had then been told that it was really Chouji’s MP3 player Gaara was giving away. The guy had said it was fine though. Gaara had said it was payment for Chouji finding out their home number. Apparently Shikamaru’s new neighbor had a good hand with computers. ‘Genius,’ Shikamaru had mouthed to Sasuke when no one was looking, a soft gesture with his head in Chouji’s direction.

When they had stumbled onto the subject of Chouji looking up Gaara’s phone number for Shikamaru, it didn’t take much time before Sasuke heard that his boyfriend had been drugged and that knocked out was how he had spent the night Sasuke had spent on Orochimaru’s bathroom floor. That had set off a new series of angry words, though Sasuke hadn’t been so loud that he was rewarded with new banging on the ceiling. Not that that meant he wasn’t angry though.

Of course! Naruto wasn’t some... some animal that couldn’t be reasoned with so he had to be sedated when things got serious. Yes, he could be stubborn, but he wasn’t unreasonably stubborn. Most of the times. Shikamaru had been completely out of line. Naruto had agreed. Gaara had sighed and asked if Sasuke was going to check out the content of his ‘bye bye virginity’ gift now or when they got back home. Naruto’s reaction to that had been rewarded with some new banging.

When things had calmed down again, Sasuke had had a stunning two minutes to find out that yes, his and Chouji’s tastes in music were pretty similar. Some of Sasuke’s favorite mood savers had been stored on the player. Then a watch in Lee’s pocket beeped and Gaara had announced that their time was over; they were going to have to leave if they didn’t want Iruka to get more upset. A walk through the apartment in the other direction had been followed by putting on their shoes and saying good bye.

In the hall, for a moment, Sasuke had been hesitating; frustrated. There had been too many people there, and he was supposed to be still angry about his boyfriend getting drugged; he was still angry about his boyfriend getting drugged; but at the same time he had wanted to do something, anything. He wanted to make something proper out of this leaving his best friend that had done a lot for Sasuke this weekend (while some of it had been unnecessary and unnecessarily dangerous and stupid). He had at least partially taken care of Naruto when Sasuke hadn’t been there and Sasuke was grateful for that. He had wanted to push their foreheads together and know that they were okay.

But the situation hadn’t been right for anything like that, and Shikamaru’s eyes had said that nothing more than a raised hand and a ‘see ya’ were necessary. There were phones, and it wasn’t like they would never see each other again. Sasuke had said thanks and told Chouji he’d mail him the MP3 player back once the month was over; he knew the address. Then they had walked away.

When they had put one set of stairs between them, Shikamaru had called Naruto’s name and ‘come here’. Sasuke had frowned. Naruto had too. They had shared a look before Sasuke made a soft ‘get going’ gesture and Naruto went back up.

‘What’s this?’ Sasuke had heard the boyfriend say, some seconds after the echoes of feet against concrete had fallen silent. Shikamaru had said nothing. Sasuke had grown worried, nervous, damn curious, and minutes must have passed before Naruto came down again, grinning like he couldn’t stop himself and eyes shiny with held back tears. He had been holding an envelope gently, but firmly in his hand.

‘What’s that?’ Sasuke had asked.

Naruto had sniffled and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, turned his grin and glittering eyes to Sasuke and grabbed his hand with his free one. He had squeezed it hard.

‘I’ll show you when we get home.’

They had started walking again.

Sasuke remembered the last time he had left this part of the city in a car. That time he had been sitting in the passenger seat next to Kakashi and his music had been on so loud he almost couldn’t hear the engine. He had been angry and had glared out the window. It had been raining.

This would be a sunny day when it had grown old enough; it was still just morning, after all. There would probably be no snow left when evening came. Kakashi was driving this time too, but Iruka had taken the seat next to him. Sasuke sat behind Kakashi, not the same side of the car as last time. There was an MP3 player in his pocket and a warm hand holding his.

Naruto sat in the middle. Gaara sat in Lee’s lap behind Iruka.

Traffic was moving slow, a lot of people making their way to their jobs or their schools. Shikamaru and Chouji didn’t have school today. They had the day off because the teachers at their school were at some seminar. Good timing. It was funny how life sorted things out sometimes.

The city looked different today. The buildings and stores Sasuke remembered; the signs, few trees and spots of grass. Sunlit and patched with snow, yes, but that wasn’t everything. It was different from last time. It was different from every time before this one. Maybe it was Sasuke’s heart. Maybe he was just being silly. The fingers and palm wrapped around his hand were so warm. The sound of the car engine was soothing.

Those months ago, the last time Sasuke had gone this way in a car, he had cursed Kakashi’s idiocy and promised himself he would take the bus and go back home as soon as he could. He had cursed himself for getting into the car in the first place. If he were to go back to those days and tell that angry, hurting Sasuke that... that it would be okay, that he would be okay, that angry, hurting Sasuke would punch him in the face.

And today... Today it was okay. Moving away from this place today felt okay. Knowing this wasn’t home anymore felt okay.

The side of Naruto’s leg and arm were also warm and they pressed against Sasuke because the car was a bit too small. Or maybe the children were too big. The boyfriend was holding onto the envelope Shikamaru had given him as if it were the most precious thing in the world. His eyes had stopped glittering and his grin had softened to a smile, but that smile stayed. Sasuke was curious and wondering and wanted to get home so he could find out what the boyfriend had to smile about.

They were going home.

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