mischief's cracktastic shorts
My Nuts
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A/N: I have no
excuse for this.
Warnings: total
crack! PG-13-ish
Disclaimer: If I
were Kishimoto, everyone would be bustin’
out the pitchforks right about now. XD
My Nuts
Sasuke threw open the pantry, his
eyes swiftly passing over its contents in search of one item and one item only,
his favorite late-night snack, his mixed nuts. His eyes found the canister not
where he’d last left it, but that was little surprise really. Living with
roommates had taught him that things would
be moved, and he was learning to deal with it.
Removing the lid, he was a little annoyed when he didn’t see
any of his favorite nuts at first glance, but that’s okay, he told himself.
Sometimes you have to dig to find them. His index finger began sifting through
the roasted, salty treats, pushing some to the side and pulling ones up from
the bottom.
The peanuts were a little on the thin side, he noted in
surprise. Those are usually the last ones to go. There were tons of cashews and
even the odd hazel nut but still none of his favorite were
anywhere to be seen.
“Where the hell did they go?” he growled in frustration
before stomping off into the living room. “Sakura, did you eat my nuts?”
She looked up at him from the couch, her nose wrinkled in
distaste. “You know I don’t like them. They taste funny.”
“They don’t taste funny,”
Sasuke defended with an indignant look on his face. “They’re
just an acquired taste. Whatever. So you didn’t eat
them?” he added just to clarify.
Sakura rolled her eyes and answered in a very patronizing
tone, “No, Sasuke-kun. I didn’t touch your nuts.”
He nodded and went down the hallway in search of
damn well got into his nuts, and he was going to figure out who.
Sasuke heard the shower running and grinned to
himself as he threw the door open. “Dead Last, did you eat my nuts?”
“What?” Naruto yelled, turning off
the water so he could hear better.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and shook
the canister. “Did. You. Eat. My. Nuts?”
Naruto chuckled and pulled the
shower curtain open enough to peek around it. “You’re going to have to be more
specific.”
Sasuke would’ve laughed at the
sight of his teammate’s hair in a shampoo Mohawk, but he was too annoyed at that
moment.
“You know which
ones are mine! That’s the only reason I agreed to share.”
“Yeah, but yours looked so good,” the blond finally admitted.
“I just couldn’t help myself. I had to try ‘em.
They’re not bad, ya know. Have a sort of earthy
taste.”
“Of course, I know! Why do you think I buy them?” he
snorted. “But since you ate all of them, you’re going to go buy more.”
“But the thing’s still half full!” the water-logged
“You ate all the ones I like!”
“So eat my nuts.”
obvious, and Sasuke couldn’t help but make a face.
“No. They’re small.
And way too salty.”
“Just because you like those weird-looking, giant ones
doesn’t mean mine are small. They’re a good size. Can put
more in your mouth that way.”
Sasuke stared at his roommate as
he thought about that. Okay, so he had a point, BUT that still didn’t change
the fact that Naruto ate his nuts! “You still owe me some
nuts,” he groused as he turned to leave the bathroom.
“But I offered to share!” the blond complained.
“I bought them, moron.”
“Fine,” Naruto grumbled as he
pulled the shower curtain closed and turned the water back on.
Sasuke almost didn’t hear
in a remarkable show of self-control, he ignored the comment and closed the
bathroom door as he left.
When he walked back into the living room, Sakura was still
sitting on the couch, but she had the strangest I-am-trying-really-really-hard-not-to-look-amused
expression on her face. It made his eyebrow automatically creep up.
“What?” he asked.
She cleared her throat and frowned in a poor attempt at
looking serious. “Nothing.”
Sasuke didn’t miss how she was
pointedly not looking at him. He
rolled his eyes, thinking he had to have the weirdest teammates in all of Fire
Country. Sasuke walked past the flushed girl - who
was about to chew through her bottom lip
- and into the kitchen where he began throwing all the instant noodle meals
into a plastic trash bag where they were going to remain hidden until he got
his new can of nuts.
No one messed with Uchiha