The Scheme

Disclaimer: Just look in the first chapter. Don’t want to be too redundant.

A/N: I do some gay jabbing in the fic because of the macho context of the Naruto fandom. And please understand that it is not my personal opinion. I have absolutely nothing against yaoi loving because I hear about the sexual escapades of gay love every day from my slutty best friend who is flaming gay.

The Scheme – Chapter 7

“God Naruto! That is the tenth bowl of ramen!”

The whiskered man slurped the noodles and sloppily spattered the broth all over his face. He grinned exposing his teeth with little bits of food wedged near the gum line.

“Urgh, that’s so repulsive. Didn’t Jiraiya-sama teach you some manners? Forget it. What kind of stupid question is that,” Sakura griped to herself while returning to her first and only ramen bowl. She swiveled her head to her other teammate seated on her opposite side. “Next time, you sit between us.”

“Sakura-chan,” whimpered Naruto wiping his mouth with his sleeve and skipping the disposable napkin placed in front of him. Sakura scrunched her nose. No wonder he stank like ramen.

“No,” Sasuke actually spoke out rather than resort to the familiar “hn” that translated into a grudging something or another.

“Not fair,” huffed the pink haired nin.

“I promise not to make a mess, really,” declared the boisterous blonde as he flicked his chopsticks up causing some broth to splash onto Sakura’s face. “Uh-oh. I’m really sorry Sakura-chan!” he wailed to the girl who radiated a menacing aura of imminent destruction.

“Na-Ru-To!” Sakura gritted through her teeth before she connected her fit repeatedly against his spiky head producing a nice bulge to rise above his hair.

“Dobe,” Sasuke half smirked and half smiled without hazarding an aid to his friend he considered closer than blood.

Yes, these three closest friends exhibited their time honored bond of love, loyalty, and camaraderie through expressions of ridicule, violence, and pain. Ninjas were such civil and articulate people.

In mere seconds, all was well and the trio sat quietly enjoying their lunch. The only evidence of what transpired was the hump that grew enormously out of Naruto’s head that was capped with two small crisscross bandages which did nothing to alleviate the swelling and only served to mock it.

As the teammates left the little ramen stand, Sakura expected for them to part ways. As anticipated, Naruto took off in the direction of the bathhouses to find his wayward pervert of a sensei. Sasuke-kun should have stalked off with hands in his pocket to search for his own pervert of a sensei, but remained next to her as stoic as ever.

“Uhmm. Don’t you have any place to be?” asked Sakura skeptically. Inner Sakura whooped for joy while she pounded on little infatuated Sakura. ‘See, it’s working!’

“You are returning to the Hokage tower,” he remarked with his all-knowing tone of voice.

“Well yeah, but first I need to make an errand.”

“I’ll go with you,” he announced leaving no room for argument.

“Okay. Sure, Sasuke-kun,” she uttered suspiciously. Her brain began to process information quickly, and the emotional core that lay with her different inner personalities was at an upheaval. Little Sakura dreamily swayed back and forth clutching her hands together in hope, ‘I knew it. He is going to declare his love for me.’

Sasuke shrugged. “I need to speak with Tsunade-sama about the jounin exam. I don’t need to wait if I go there with you.”

Inner Sakura slapped little Sakura from her reverie. ‘Shut up dumbass!’ Little Sakura cried pitifully while her other brutish inner self rubbed her hands together in a villain like fashion. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll get him soon enough.’ Her brain concurred with inner Sakura’s deduction because although Sasuke-kun’s motive for tagging along appeared reasonable, it still seemed contrived. He had yet to hear of her errand when he asserted his declaration, and he risked spending more time waiting for her to accomplish her task. Sasuke-kun valued efficiency to the nth degree, and his actions challenged this very motto.

While the gears in her oversized head ticked at a manic pace and as her inner selves continued to grovel at one another, it was no wonder that Sakura maintained her indifferent composure while walking next to her beloved Sasuke-kun in such close vicinity. However, she was a superior ninja, and it was quite simply done ……. if one intricately plotted for a year from every possible angle with a massive brain that had no equal except for a lethargic, unmotivated, Shogi-obsessed bum. Anyone could do it.

As the two strode through the marketplace, Sakura led her Sasuke-kun around many vendors toward the seedier side of town where ninjas except Anbu seldom visited.

“Sakura, where are we going?” Sasuke predictably examined the bustling marketplace for any unexpected dangers with Sharigan eyes. Taking note of the burly unshaven men in filthy rags as clothing and the obvious stench of alcohol emanating from their unclean bodies, he -- as the alpha male he proclaimed himself to be -- pushed Sakura behind him. “We should –“

“Hi Ichago-san!” the pink haired ninja, who was obviously unfazed by her surroundings, greeted a grizzly pot bellied man lying on the ground in one undignified heap with a bottle of sake in his hand.

“My Sakura-chan. Didn’t I see you yesterday? No wait, it was two days ago. No…” he slurred to himself as his glazed eyes spasmed from excess alcohol consumption.

“It was last week. Stop drinking. It’s bad for your liver,” she said pleasantly as she lightly skipped over his prone body ahead of Sasuke’s stupefied and immobile form.

Sakura greeted more unsavory men who saluted her with overt and brash graciousness as she continued on her way. She took great delight at noticing Sasuke’s eyes bulge out, the ticking of his dark brows, and the tightening of his lips. ‘I’m no longer innocent Sakura, am I dear Sasuke-kun?’ her devious inner self cooed. She could have directed him through a longer route bypassing this lovely scene, but where was the amusement in that? Besides, he threw the wench in by inviting himself which prompted her to adjust her plans. Like leading sheep into slaughter, could he have obliged himself more into her web?

“Ah, here we are.”

“What is this?” Sasuke inquired guardedly. It seemed as if his well grounded assessment of her was thrown in for a loop.

“Look above.”

A small, barely noticeable sign filled with misspellings (and obvious stains from god knows what) indicated this small dilapidated hole in the wall to be a sake distributor.

An outsider would have suspected Sasuke-kun’s reaction to be one of disinterest as if he had foreseen this conclusion to come into light. But Sakura knew better because she had her inner self whip out the Sasuke dictionary and settle upon his exact thoughts. Alarmed -- since mortified would be pushing her luck – would be a more precise assessment.

“Sakura-san. You came again so soon,” welcomed a colossal bald man adorned with an exotic array of tattoos.

“It’s good to see you too, Taso-san. It seems that today I need another order. Make that two because it seems as if it’s going to be a hard week.”

“Right. And this your boyfriend? He seems a little puny to deserve a beautiful girl like you,” chuckled the vender as he leaned toward Sakura towering her by a few feet.

As expected, whenever someone verbally castrates him, Sasuke-kun would be akin to a volcano about to erupt. Before the shinobi lights the entire district on fire, Sakura gingerly placed a hand on his trembling arm. “Listen, I want the order NOW,” she said more forcefully.

“Here,” Taso-san handed her two heavy crates filled with sake bottles in exchange for a pouch of money. However, he failed to listen to reason. “Dump him and go out with me beautiful.”

“Number one, he is NOT my boyfriend. He is my closest friend and teammate, and don’t egg him on. Number two, remember when I broke your arm before? He will not hesitate to rip your innards out. That should clue you on your request for a date,” she sweetly threatened while walking away with the crates that shielded her head from sight. Recognizing that her Sasuke-kun remained in his position probably weighing the pros and cons on killing the civilian, Sakura used her most commanding voice, “Sasuke-kun, COME ON!”

Sasuke snorted before he flashed the vender a frigid glare that alleged “You were lucky this time.” Then he strode up to Sakura and lifted the crates off her hands.

“What are you doing? It’s really heavy. At least give me one,” she insisted. Unlike her beloved, she excelled in focusing charka on her hands to lift heavy objects without blinking an eye.

He obviously stumbled or in laymen terms, he took a step back as he hefted the weight with his arms alone. Not that she did not appreciate the bulging of his muscles, she never intended for him to get a hernia.

“Sasuke-kun, I can -,” she began but ceased when Sasuke’s defiant stare expressed his obstinate need to prove his masculinity. So she conscientiously slowed their pace for his benefit and led him through the shortest route to the Hokage tower.

Sakura chattered ceaselessly attempting to relay her ignorance of the black haired shinobi’s blatant struggle with the crates. He appeared immensely annoyed which was made apparent by the minute lowering of his lips.

“Sakura,” he interrupted darkly.

“What is it Sasuke-kun?”

“How many sake bottles are in here?”

“I’m thinking about sixty one liter bottles. Why?”

He responded with silence but her trusty Sasuke-kun guide told her otherwise.

“Tsunade-sama loves her sake, and that’s the best sake in town,” she explained.

He adjusted the crates with puckered brows. “You should not go there by yourself,” he finally admitted in his I-know-best lecturing tone. Usually Sakura would have provided him all the information before he had to resort to actual words, but the devil made her a bit playful today. Or maybe it was inner Sakura who slipped on some horns at the beginning of this expedition.

“I’m a ninja. Don’t worry about me. I’ve been going there since I was thirteen. Besides, the last time I took someone there to help me carry the stuff, it didn’t end up so well,” she rationalized.

“Hn?” Signaling the second “hn” in the list of “hns” was actually intended to be a “hn” in question form to ask “what?” It was such a dizzying concept. Sakura could not comprehend why he failed to use the actual word when it consisted of one syllable, but she figured he could not fathom to clarify himself.

“I took Lee-san after I trained with him because he adamantly refused to allow me to go there alone. He ended up getting so freaked out that a gang began to run after him. I ended up rendering him into unconsciousness, and I vowed to the men that I will never bring him back. Short story made long, Tsunade-sama was not happy to go without sake for a day.”

“Next time you go, tell me,” he stated tersely as a macho egotistical male would say before metaphorically thumping his chest with his hands. With Sasuke-kun, one had to imagine sans the gorilla effect.

“Really?” asked Sakura exuberantly before narrowing her eyes. “Can you promise no bloodshed?”

He snorted.

“You need to promise. Tsunade-sama really grilled me that day, and I do not want a repeat.”

After a few seconds to ruminate over the words, Sasuke gave a brusque “Ah,” a reluctant agreement but an agreement nonetheless.

With some manipulation, Sakura received more steady chances to be alone with him. Sakura inwardly congratulated herself. She killed two birds with one stone. What a good, no great, day!

Once at the Hokage Tower, two chunnins scampered out to whisk the crates away to its intended storage. Sakura accompanied her Sasuke-kun directly into the Hokage office, passing a waiting room filled with potential clients and inquiring ninjas. She could at least do something for his blind agreeableness to her scheme since she was such a considerate ninja.

She resumed her daily tasks that made up her routine: train with her shishou, practice taijutsu with Lee, lecture Kakashi-sensei about the depravities of porn, engage in a light chitchat with Hinata, provoke Ino-pig, and finally end her day at the hospital.

When she exited out of a surgical room to take off her white scrubs, she spotted Sai anxiously waiting. For Sai, anxious equated to smiling amicably while rapping his feet against the linoleum floor. After being better acquainted with him, she considered forming another volume in her library categorized under his name. Although Sasuke-kun took up a significant portion, there was always room for another enigmatic incomprehensible shinobi. All her male friends could boast of their own section, and this foul mouthed nin took after them – that shinobis were odd creatures in serious need of counseling.

“So what do I owe the displeasure?” she greeted him good naturedly.

“Fuzzy brows won’t stop following me.” No matter how much he verbalized his abhorrence of Naruto and mocked him for all its worth, Sai somehow adopted some language from the blonde shinobi after being in his constant and unwilling companion.

“Then why here?”

“Obviously because this is a restricted section you idiot. The nurses only let me pass because their delusional miniscule minds believed you as my great love.”

“They probably felt sorry for you seeing the beauty and the beast.”

“I didn’t know that you were so hairy. But that explains a lot.”

“You should guard your mouth. This is a restricted section so there will be less people to hear you scream.”

He merely smiled falsely as he followed her stomping back to her hospital office.

“Why are you following me? Are you that afraid of Lee-san?” Sakura asked shakily because inner Sakura was laughing so hard, she was pounding against her head for some relief. Lee-san was such a predictable man.

“The alien round eyes, the teeth sparking, and the persistent winking, I rather risk my neck to your tomboyish violence, ugly.”

Sakura sat on her chair to finish up the paperwork piled on her desk attempting not to appear smug. While hastily scribbling the procedures and the results of the surgery performed, she offered him an offhand suggestion. “Skittish behavior, adamant and repetitive affirmations of heterosexuality, preference to little shirts that exposes the abdomen and reliance upon artistic skills to prove self worth. My medical deductions unmistakably points to a man who craves anal intercourse and manly chests hidden behind green spandex.”

“For the last time ugly, that shirt I wore in the past was part of my official attire for the Roots.” He opened his arms to prove this statement by revealing his covered torso with the standard jounin vest and shirt.

“Yet there is no denial of man-man adoration,” Sakura said whimsically as she inclined back against her chair with her arms crossed. “Maybe I should set you up with an appointment with Gai-san. I’m sure he will convince you to announce your sexual orientation with, ahem, the springtime of youth.”

Sai leaned towards her while donning his mask. “You should stop making excuses for yourself by declaring every attractive man who snubs your advances to be gay.”

“I do not. You and Sasuke-kun look exactly alike, and I never said that he was gay you moron.”

“You should. At least it will explain why that traitor left you,” he countered snidely.

The statement should have been as insignificant as lint. Furthermore, Sakura was conditioned enough not to take any demeaning rubbish expelled from his mouth to hold any merit. Yet somehow, the effect was more catastrophic than it was intended. While on the exterior, she remained silent and composed, emotions from five years ago that she kept caged way from her consciousness seeped into her nerve center completely overwhelming everything in her mind. The nasty sensation of depression weighed upon her like a ton. The memories of bitterness, misery, and self pity pervaded her senses and attacked her heart. She felt her inner personalities becoming silent except for little Sakura bawling out her eyes.

Why the emotional breakdown? Till this day, her Sasuke-kun leaving her had always been a touchy subject. Salt was further rubbed on her wounds by Sai’s pleasant façade and the similar face he shared with her dearly beloved who rejected her.

Sakura clutched onto the arms of the chair successfully breaking it while her entire body shook with rage. She could not cry in front of her vile instigator. Besides, she cried enough these past five years. Therefore, anger, ire, and fury were the only resolutions.

“Get out,” she whispered in a deadly voice like a cobra before the lethal strike.

He rose up and began to approach her.

“Don’t!” she raised her hand to him. “Just leave.”

Swiftly and silently, the shinobi recognizing he pushed one too many buttons left the room.

Sakura breathed deeply to maintain control before her office would become a wreck by her rampage. When she felt that the method did not sustain her pent up rage from exhibiting itself, she quickly left and headed towards a training ground where she could raze the ground to her heart’s content.

After she worked off the bottled up emotions, not only did she feel better but it convinced her that her plan would represent a much needed retribution for all past wrongs. One, her Sasuke-kun would never abandon her again, and two, her scheme will prove that her skills have progressed to indicate her usefulness as a ninja to her teammates and her village.

“Stupid, emotionless, heartless, trash talking piece of shit,” she bellowed with each successive punch on a training dummy built specially for someone of her strength. “Die! Die! DIE! DIE!!!!” With one power filled strike, the dummy exploded into a hundred pieces. As she gasped for breath, she smiled. She was back to being herself. There was nothing like a bit of violence to solve all the problems in the world.

As she sat down to manage her breathing, she felt a familiar presence coming near her. Inner Sakura cried out for revenge.

“Hey Sai-kun. Back for another round?” she acknowledged him.

He approached her cautiously wearing his blank smile. “Your psychotic episode over?”

“You saw what I did to the dummy. I’m all relaxed now,” she grinned while stretching out her limbs.

“You have a temper problem,” he noted.

She took a step towards him as coolly as possible. “Anyone who is mentally sane should be expected to test their patience being around you.”

“You are still in denial of yourself. First your looks and now your sanity.”

She motioned for him to walk besides her. “Please like a closeted homosexual can talk about being in denial. You are such a hypocrite,” she smiled at him.

Apparently, as they bickered, their unusual relationship resumed without a hitch. Forgiveness or maybe forgetfulness was consciously offered to one another. While walking out of the training ground, Sai made another jab.

“Your breasts may not be mosquito bites, but they are certainly comparable to ant hills.”

“Sai-kun?”

“What?” he asked turning his head to face her.

*BAM*

Sai was hurtled back twenty feet back by the force of Sakura’s fist aimed directly at his cheek. This time, she did not lure him with a false smile. No, this devilish woman enticed him with insults and foul language. Maybe, the dark haired man should re-prioritize what he sought in a woman.

She had her hands on her hips standing proud and self-righteous. “Now I forgive you for what happened earlier.” Maybe forgiveness or forgetfulness had not been settled prior. She walked over to him and extended out her hand. “Come on. You are going to buy me sushi. Not the cheap kind either. Afterwards, I may heal you so as not to mar your ‘attractive’ face.”

He scrutinized her for a couple of seconds probably to mull over whether it would be good for his health to continue associating with her socially.

“Don’t worry. I won’t punch you again. Well not unless you really piss me off. But what kind of a cowardly shinobi are you if you stopped wanting to be my friend because you’re afraid of little ole me.”

He immediately took her hand and metaphorically met her challenge. “The only thing I’m afraid of is your hideous face. And why do I have to pay for sushi?”

“Because you are the man moron. You should treat your date.”

“If this date is real maybe. And, you are not even a woman.”

“And I’m on a date with a homo. So what’s your point? You are still buying….”

They recommenced their arguing as they left for their intended destination. What the two ninjas seemed to overlook intentionally or unintentionally was their hands still clasped together.


A/N: I just want to thank Gigicerisier for recommending my fanfiction to people. I read you give me some props in the forums. I *glomp* you (whatever that means). I can’t help but thank you all for your lovely reviews especially those who review often.

I just want to add that I’m not completely in tune with the Naruto universe. I’ve only seen the anime up to where Sasuke morphs into some winged demon and read one manga episode where Sai appears. Clearly, I don’t know much about Sai or his personality. From the few words that escaped his mouth, I took the elusive hints and basically ran a marathon with it to provide a complete picture of his characterization. He is probably OCC. I just hope that I hit close (like in the same neighborhood) to what the real author wanted out of him.

I love how one reviewer said that Sakura’s planning is like a rendition of “Pinky and the Brain.” It kind of is. I thought about it as I was writing this chapter.


Thanks again =) and review ~~