Throw it all away

Betrayal was a word Sasuke was intimately familiar with.

Over the course of his life, he had willingly betrayed more than a half dozen times. As a shinobi, he should have been ashamed. And yet, every time he’d been able to justify it to himself. Each betrayal offered up to a greater purpose. Until Sasuke couldn’t be sure whether he was even capable of loyalty any more.

Naruto, however…had never betrayed someone before in his entire life. And while Sasuke was overjoyed at having finally tasted the blonde, he couldn’t help but feel slightly horrified. For, Naruto had betrayed. For the first time in his life. And Sasuke had urged him into it.

He couldn’t be sure the Hyuuga would see it as such. Because he couldn’t be sure of the true nature of the Hyuuga’s feelings. Like himself, Hyuuga Neji kept everything to himself. Bottled tightly, and shelved chronologically. And only a certain blonde-haired, blue eyed individual was capable of stirring up all that careful archiving until you couldn’t even remember what your system looked like, before he’d ransacked it.

Loving Naruto was not easy.

Hurting him, however…that Sasuke was an expert at.

Naruto sat in his chair, looking out the window. They hadn’t spoken in two days. They had never required words to communicate, however, the blonde was fond of words. Witnessing him abstain from using any but the bare minimum was a clear indication that he was doing severe psychological damage to the young Rokudaime.

It was something he was familiar with, for the years they had practiced their art on one another. He had never meant to do so much damage though. He had never intended on forcing Naruto into a shell. As if the blonde didn’t have enough to deal with.

Guilt, he had become familiar with.

He didn’t know just when he’d developed a conscience – which oddly yelled at him in Naruto’s voice – only that it grew stronger every moment he remained in Konohagakure. The guilt slowly compiling as he witnessed all the changes that had occurred without him, and all the memories that he’d had no part in.

It was odd. This jealousy. Even complete strangers – at least to Sasuke – apparently had more memories with the blonde than he. Their memories were warmer…softer…involved less blood.

That was not to say however, that Sasuke’s memories meant nothing.

They were just different.

Although Naruto had banned visitors for the day, that didn’t seem to apply to members of the village he considered family. Iruka-sensei paid a visit late in the afternoon. He was the first person whom had looked at Sasuke as a person and not a piece of furniture – or worse. (Not that he cared.) He’d brought with him the mission logs for the day, and sat with Naruto while he read them. They didn’t speak, but having the elder man present relaxed the set of Naruto’s shoulders.

Not long after, Konohamaru barged in through the window.

Sasuke at first didn’t recognize Naruto’s unofficial student. And it wasn’t until they began arguing – more like brothers than Hokage and Chunnin – that he was able to pick up on it.

Seeing Naruto argue with the younger shinobi caused an unwelcome ache. Lately, he’d been too affixed on the life he could have had, if he’d stayed. He wondered if their relationship was for the better or worse for it. After all, his leaving was what kept Naruto so focussed on him, even to this day. And yet, it had also premeditated the blonde’s relationship with the Hyuuga.

The details of which, Sasuke had yet to uncover.

Because it bothered him so, when the others left, he decided to confront Naruto about it. Even if it only brought on an argument, anything was better than the silence.

"How did you end up with Hyuuga? I thought you didn’t have time for those sorts of things." There, that asked without sounding like he wanted to know. It was just a conversation. Nothing more.

Naruto chuckled, smiling softly.

"You don’t want to know that," he replied, turning his blue eyes on the darker ones of his youthful rival. They glittered with mirth. Damn it, he knew.

Sasuke sniffed dismissively, and leaned back in his stance.

They observed one another for several moments, before Naruto lay back in his chair, swiveling it to face Sasuke’s direction. "To be honest," he said, bringing his hands together over his lap. "I used to think that way. Before you left…I just wanted to catch up with you. And after…I wanted to beat the crap out of you and drag your broken, unconscious body back to Konoha."

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.

He laughed. "It was always about you. People picked up on that." He cocked a strange sort of grin. "I was told I was ‘obsessed’. I told them they were crazy. But, they were persistent." He shrugged. "So, finally, I told them, that if any of them could pin my ass to the floor for more than five minutes, I’d stop."

He didn’t think Naruto would have made such an offer. It was a little…disconcerting.

"Naturally, I was attacked nearly every hour for the next week, by my friends. And even some of the sensei…but by then…I’d already killed two Akatsuki members, and no one was willing to go that far with me – except Lee.

Baa-chan had set a week as the time limit, knowing some of us – namely, Lee, Kiba, and myself – would fight forever if there wasn’t a limit. While everyone attacked, all I could think about was how much of my time was being wasted. I could have been out looking for you. And here I was, fighting them for the right to fight you!"

He laughed.

"Neji had been suspiciously quiet. It kinda hurt, you know? At the same time, I thought, ‘Maybe he gets it.’ What I didn’t know, was that he was waiting for me to tire out." He sighed. "You know how I fight, Sasuke…It was inevitable. Three hours before the deadline, Neji managed to convince everyone to hold off on the mass attack and let him go alone.

It must have been hard…but, he managed to convince them.

I’d been expecting something big, so I was completely thrown by the casual knock on the door. I was suspicious, but Neji managed to talk his way in. He even stripped down to almost nothing to prove he wasn’t hiding any weapons."

Naruto gave a fond laugh at the memory.

"Somehow he got me to drop my guard, and…I’d been expecting an attack, but not the kind Neji had planned. Needless to say, he got me on my back for more than five minutes, and the rest, as they say, ‘is history’."

Sasuke frowned.

"You gave up on chasing me because you got laid," he replied, incredulously.

Naruto blushed and scrubbed at the back of his head.

"I guess, you could say that…yea…"

He looked more like his younger self that way. The elder shinobi leaned into one hip and observed him. A question came unbidden, and unwelcome. It forced it’s way out of his mouth against his better judgement. "How could you?"

Naruto paused, looking back, before crossing one long leg over another. "Maybe, I needed to feel like someone cared about me."

He couldn’t quite argue with that.

The Rokudaime sighed.

"Look, Sasuke…I told you before, I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, in trying to bring you back all those years. Some of them I could atone for, and others…I got out of hand. And I was lucky enough that when my friends rallied to help me, I listened."

"And now?"

"I don’t know."

Sasuke crossed over to him, dropping to his knees in front of him.

"Why didn’t you stop me?"

Naruto looked back at him with sad eyes. Though the exact reason was concealed behind thick lashes. He could have meant years, he could have meant days. But he said, "Maybe because I didn’t want to."

Sasuke stretched, drawing the length of his body taut.

"Stop me," he breathed, leaning close.

Naruto didn’t move, allowing the kiss.


Between the heavy breathing, and the tangle of limbs, Sasuke drew back to ask, "Why?"

"I don’t know," Naruto replied, and pulled him close again.