Where is God?

“Where is God?”
By: Innerchild

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and co.

A/N: Any religions that I mention in here, if I get them wrong, feel free to correct me. Other than that, I’ll try my best to get everything right.

Pairings: main Sasuke and Naruto
Others

Warning: just some angst and not beta’d

“I don’t know about God… The only things I know are what I see, hear, feel and smell.” -Günther Grass

Chapter six
Save Your Tears

Naruto didn’t even bother trying to sneak into his apartment the next day. Not only had he spent the entire night over at Sasuke’s, but he had also forgotten to call his parents. When he woke up that morning next to another half naked boy, he had literally jumped out of the bed and gotten dressed. Sasuke only stirred when the other boy told him he was leaving, and then fell back asleep.

And now, here he was. Stepping through his apartment door at seven in the morning, soaking wet. He could still hear the unexpected rainstorm raging behind him as he closed the door. His shoes squeaked nosily across the floor as he paced to his bedroom. He walked slowly, expecting something to happen any minute. What he was waiting for, he didn’t know. Maybe yelling or crying. Or both. But there was nothing. He was met with only silence.

When he opened the door to his room, he stilled in the entrance way.

Clothes were strung across his floor, drawers were pulled out of the dresser and laying haphazardly upside down on the floor with their contents littering the ground. His bed sheets were thrown off in a careless manner along with his mattress. CD cases were scattered here and there along with notebooks and things from his trashcan. While Naruto looked through his things, he realized who did this to his room. He felt a surge of rage pulse within him.

Fists clenched at his sides as his book bag fell to the ground. The sound of a door opening behind him was barely heard as the pounding of his heart echoed in his ears.

“Naruto? Where were you? We were worri-” The woman was cut off by her husband’s yelling.

“Where the have you been?”

Naruto closed his eyes, willing his anger to go away. The blonde didn’t say anything as he still faced his room. He wanted to have a conversation with his parents, not a screaming match. And if he didn’t want that to happen, then he needed to calm down now.

A hand closed around his upper arm and turned him around. Two pairs of blue eyes locked onto one another. Naruto didn’t look away when he saw the anger and disappointment in his father’s eyes. He didn’t really care how his dad felt at the moment because he felt the same way. Except for his feelings were old and coming undone. They had been buried for so long that he was surprised at how easy it was to unearth them now.

“Answer me! Where were you?”

Naruto tried to control himself by looking away from his interrogator. His eyes fell on his mom, who was sobbing on the couch. He sighed internally at that. It seemed that nowadays all she did was cry. He wondered then if she was just as unhappy as he was.

The hand on his arm jerked him forward a little so that he turned his attention back to his dad. The man’s face was turning a light shade of scarlet as he waited for his son to answer.

“At a friends,” he said quietly.

“At a friends? Why didn’t you call us? Better yet, who gave you permission to go in the first place?”

Before he could get a word in, his father opened his mouth again.

“You know the rules. You come home after school, do your homework, and ask us if you want to go somewhere over the weekend. You shouldn’t even be out on a school night, let alone spending the night at someone’s house!”

“I know!” Naruto yelled at him, his control beginning to slip.

Kazuma blinked at his son in surprise. Naruto had never shouted at him before.

“Don’t raise your voice at me!” He warned, his voice losing some of the assurance it had before.

Naruto wrenched his arm out of the other man’s grasp and stared at him defiantly. A few minutes passed in silence as they just watched each other.

“You’re grounded.” His father told him firmly.

“No,” came Naruto’s reply. His tone was flat and low. His control was gone.

“No? It’s not your choice wheth-”

“What happened to my room?” The teen asked suddenly, cutting the other man off.

“What?” Kazuma was caught off guard by the question.

“What happened to my room,” he asked slowly.

“I went through it! I had to make sure that you hadn’t taken some of your things and run away or were doing some kind of drug-”

“What the hell makes you think I was taking drugs, dad?” Naruto almost screamed. His hands were back into fists at his sides. He ground his teeth together as he watched his dad’s eyes widen slightly.

“Watch your language…”

Naruto’s lips turned up in a humorless grin.

“Sorry. What the hell makes you think I was taking drugs, father?”

Both men went quiet as Nadine still wept on the couch. Rain pounding on the side building could be heard in the nearly silent room. Lightning crashed and the lights blinked off for a moment. When they came back on, Naruto’s father started yelling again.

The blonde just stood there and watched him. His words were slurred with anger and barely made sense. Kazuma repeated himself unknowingly as he continued to scream, flecks of spit hitting his chin as he forgot to take a break and breathe.

“Why are you acting like this… like someone else? Who’s made you change into this kind of person?”

Naruto stared at his father, but didn’t answer him. What was he saying? No one made him act this way! This was who he was. His dad had just never taken the time to look.

At his son’s silence, Kazuma gathered up his frustrations and delivered them to Naruto in what he deemed a severe lecture.

The only words that Naruto caught were, “disappointment”, “reckless”, and finally, “worthless”.

While his parents were still in their own world, Naruto tore through the living room and out the front door. He didn’t stop running, even when his mother’s worried voice called out to him.

XXXXX

He could feel water seeping into his shoes as he ran down the sidewalk and into the street. A car slammed on their brakes as he darted in front of them. Naruto didn’t stop or slow down though. If anything, he ran harder as the rain grew heavier.

When he slipped on the sidewalk going down the hill, he fell and landed on his back. Naruto just lied there for a few minutes with his eyes closed, and chest rising heavily as he tried to catch his breath.

His father’s words echoed loudly in his ears, threatening to drown out the hammering rain and thunder. Navy blue eyes blinked open to stare at the gray clouds. Blinking rapidly to try and keep the rain out, he tried to block out the voice of his dad. Instead, he heard the dull thrumming of his preacher’s tone.

He didn’t know why the disliked man suddenly entered his thoughts, but then something dawned on him. The man and his father were very much alike. Both in their manner and speech. Naruto had never realized just how much his dad was like their preacher… or how much his father tried to be like him. He had noticed the similarities in the two men before, but had chalked it up to them both being men of god and striving to be like Christ. This, however, was different.

His father was not his own person. He was like a cheap imitation… like some kind of teenager trying to fit into a certain clique.

And he was accusing Naruto of doing the same thing!

Why? Just… what the hell was wrong with these people? The only thing that Naruto could think about, even though a part of him felt a stab of guilt for it, was the fact that they both had one thing in common.

God.

Whether or not they really believed in him or just wanted something strong to latch onto so that they could ride that wave of power, he didn’t know, nor did he care.

All he knew and felt at that moment was that everything wrong or fucked up in his life all revolved around that one single subject.

“God…” he whispered to himself. His voice sounded weak and desperate to his ears. As if he was hoping for someone, or a particular omnipotent someone, to correct his musings. But he heard nothing.

In one swift movement, Naruto was up and walking into the street. Whether or not he was unaware or uncaring of the cars going around him, he didn’t move out of the way. He only raised his head to the clouds.

“Where are you?” He shouted.

Cars honking and the tapping of rain drops were all he got in response.

“Come on! Show me that you’re real! Just give me some kind of sign. Anything. Just one fucking sign!”

The thoroughly drenched teen was breathing harshly now as he continued to scream and ignore oncoming traffic.

“You have to be real… if they hate me because of you then you have to be real, don’t you?” He barely whispered the last few words. His head fell down to his chest as he closed his eyes.

“Why’d I get them as parents if they’ll hate me for who I am? Why? Please… tell me why.”

Naruto sunk to his knees, his uniform pants absorbing the water around him.

“Why do you let things happen… things that hurt people? Like pain and… death… like letting Sasuke’s parent’s die?” He mumbled almost incoherently now.

A streak of lightning crashed into a great tree on the sidewalk and Naruto lifted his head at the loud cracking and splintering sounds it made. A large branch fell almost in slow motion into the street right in front of the disbelieving blonde.

Two beams of light fell on Naruto’s face as a car swerved around the branch. The driver stomped on their brakes as they saw Naruto for the first time.

Naruto blinked at the blinding light before him. His heart was beating so fast that he didn’t hear the car door open.

“Hey! Are you all right?” A voice asked as a person stepped out of the car and crouched down beside the dazed teen.

“Naruto?”

Said boy turned his head towards the voice. Recognition hit him instantly.

“H-haku?”

XXXXX

Sasuke wasn’t all that bothered by his friend’s disappearance when he woke up a second time that morning. He knew that the boy had to get home to his parents. They were probably worried sick about him.

As he pulled on his uniform shirt, he felt an ache in his chest. He closed his eyes briefly as he tried to reign control over his emotions. He didn’t begrudge Naruto for still having parents, but damn, he really missed his own. No matter how dysfunctional his family had been, he still missed them. Even… Itachi. Although, he wouldn’t admit that aloud.

He was lucky though that he had someone in the family that wanted him. That he actually had family that lived in the states. He didn’t know what he would have done if he’d had to move to Japan to live with a bunch of relatives he hadn’t seen since he was seven years old.

Sasuke liked his aunt Clara, but sometimes he wished she were more… available. It’s not like he was actually going to talk to her if he needed someone, but it was still nice to know that someone was there if he actually felt like talking. The woman was hardly ever around, which was somewhat understandable. She was his father’s youngest sister and still in her early twenties. And she definitely wasn’t the motherly type.

But sometimes… that’s what Sasuke wanted. He doubted that his aunt would figure that out any time soon though. Maybe after she got married and had a few kids of her own, she’d understand. But by then, she’d be too late.

He planned on being over with all of this soon. No… he knew he had to be over their deaths and past the pain… because he couldn’t handle the nightmares anymore.

XXXXX

Sorry that this is so short, but I kinda cut this chapter in half… cause I’m dead tired and I wanted to get some of this out for you guys. I feel bad about not updating in awhile and then being all….. hell, I don’t know. Anyway, I got my tongue pierced! WOOT! Now I just gotta wait until my birthday for a free tattoo! Yippy…. Okay, now I know I’m tired. I gotta go to bed and actually sleep for 10 hours straight. Hope you guys like the chappie.

And thank you to everyone who reviewed. I really got all happy and hyper when I read reviews from some of my favorite writers like Rasengan22, Nomme de Plume, Mimi Hyuuga, ladywolfTerri, mirandler43, and tons more. It’s just weird when I read a story from someone and then see that they REVIEWED one of my stories! It makes me believe in the supernatural… or something like that. Anyway, if anyone ever wants me to read a story that they’re writing, then tell me. I love reading new stuff and sometimes it’s hard for me to find a good story. If you’ve ever got some that you just love or that you’ve written, then please let me know. I’m always looking for new stuff!

And urban mystic, I tried to find your email addressee, but I couldn’t find it or something… so could u please e-mail me sometime. I’d love to talk. That goes for anyone too. If you wanna talk, then just email or message me. Whatever floats ur boat.

I need to go to bed. Night

Love you guys,
Innerchild