Our most featured Naruto

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto or any of the ladies from Inuyasha, Fushigi Yugi, and Gundam Wing.

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Chapter Five: Dodge and Hide

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At about six o’ clock on the dawn of October 6, 2006, Uchiha Sasuke had already replayed the video nearly a dozen times while his mind refused to register. One of Youtube’s newest entries had garnered an earth-shattering four-hundred thousand views ostensibly over night. His brain reeled from all the information he had indirectly received straight from his beloved’s lips. But among them all, only one stood proud amid the cesspool of his tired thoughts.

“Naruto…still likes me?”

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Uzumaki Naruto groaned as he freed himself from under his orange comforter only to fall flat on his face, flailing his arms before impact. It was darn easy to say that Naruto wasn’t a morning person, especially since the boy had spent most of the night thrashing about as nightmares donned him unworthy for rest. Not only incapacitated by the fears of a manic Monday, but also of shady images of imprisonment and torture, he just couldn’t get a brake.

He painfully groaned as he rubbed at his forehead, to find a fortune attached to it. The blonde had ordered Chinese the night before, cardboard containers still strewn all over his room. The disgruntled dobe peeled the slip of paper from his skin and read it with squinty eyes. ‘What? Expecting lotto numbers? Quit depending on fate and get a college degree moron.’

‘Hmm…Chinese people sure are aggressive these days.’ Naruto thought, though he did not fail to catch the hidden advice within the grumpy message. He really should quit loitering around and get a move on in his life. Though he had no idea how that applied to his life at the moment, he was sure it would serve well in the future. It was a basic principle wasn’t it?

He rubbed his blonde head in frustration as he made his way to the bathroom to get ready for school. He only ever had those dreams after transforming to the fox, which the last it had happened was only months ago. The quacks, or therapists as the world liked to call them, had only been able to identify his nightmares with his endearing feelings of isolation, which to them, explained why he dreamt of himself seemingly tied up and scrutinized by an unidentifiable group of people. They were never able to explain though that since loneliness was a constant in his life, why did he only have those dreams as an aftereffect to his transformations?

He had heard somewhere that dreams were an abstract of memories as well as the subconscious. Naruto would struggle everyday to have some inkling of what his past had been like, being unable to remember much of anything from before he was eleven, before his time spent with Sasuke, and the horrible events that transpired. He could not remember his parents, where he was born, everyone he knew as a child, growing up, nothing. And what was worse, Tsunade-baachan and ero-sennin would simply refuse to give him answers; they were his grandparents after all! Sort of…

Naruto cursed under the cold spray of the shower, his head hurting from thinking too much again. Tears beginning to form within his cobalt orbs as he choked on a sob. He hated thinking of his past for the sole reason that he didn’t have one. He was convinced that he must have indeed been a monster before during those times; werewolves can’t remember their time under the full moon right? Naruto would glare when his “grandparents” would evade his questions like they were taboo. It infuriated him that the only family he had refused to make him feel more like a human being. They had something to hide, everyone did.

He left the shower with glossy eyes, figuring that he would have to be cheery to make it through the day. He emerged from the mist completely naked but with a towel on his head. Not like anyone was there to see him.

“Wow gaki! I see you’ve grown since the last time I’ve seen you. Way to be a man!”

Naruto yelped in shock and automatically protected his nether regions with his hands, dropping the towel. The blonde’s pale state of alarm was quickly replaced by a red hot blush of irritation and embarrassment. “Dammit! Why is everyone picking on my dick these days?!”

The buxom blond woman in the hallway raised an impeccable eyebrow. “Oh? Why I shouldn’t be so surprised. My little Naruto is growing up…” She sighed in nostalgia.

“Everyone I know are perverts…” The flustered blond grumbled under his breath as he turned around to hurriedly wrap the towel around his waist. The woman whistled. Naruto cursed.

“You know, if you weren’t half my age, I would have so slapped those luscious cheeks of yours.” He didn’t see the horny smirk on her dazzling face.

‘Half? Try fifth, old hag! And I heard that the guys you seduced called their parents after they found out how old you are.” He took pleasure in hearing Tsunade scowl. He turned around with the orange towel wrapped tightly around him, still dripping wet. He surveyed the intruder before him; Tsunade looked suspiciously smug leaning on one leg with a hand on her hip and a suitcase in the other. That was not a good sign… “What the hell are you doing here baachan? I thought you were in Atlantic City or something.”

Tsunade smiled warmly, it sent shivers through the boy. “Can’t I wish my favorite little gaki a happy birthday?”

Naruto wasn’t convinced. “Right…and this is the first time you cared since…when? C’mon help me out here!” The boy chided with disgust.

Tsunade just wagged her hand at him, oblivious to his tone. “Oh don’t be silly. Jiraiya said you were having a party so I came.” She leaned forward slightly, bosoms bouncing. “Do you hate your Tsunade-chan that much?” She poked his nose teasingly.

Naruto ignored her for the moment, still stunned by what she said. “Ero-sennin? What the hell does he have to do with my party? I thought my friends were throwing me one?” His voice started to shake; he didn’t want Jiraiya or Tsunade to be involved with anything.

Tsunade shrugged impatiently. “Oh I don’t know! He said some friends of yours thought it would be a good idea. Who do you think will be paying for it anyway?”

The blonde’s blue eyes bugged out, fists quivering. So his friends had asked the old pervert to sponsor it? He could already imagine everyone from the local whore house eating cake on a euphoric and drunk Jiraiya’s lap. He shivered even more. Then another question came into his attention. “What the hell are you doing HERE baachan?”

The middle aged vixen seemed clueless. “What do you mean?”

Naruto maintained his glare.

Tsunade sighed and gave up. “I need a place to stay…” She whispered.

Naruto felt like screaming his head off. “What?! Why?! Don’t you have a house here or something?!”

“No…I sold it years ago. I’m an adventurer gaki!” She said it as if it was obvious.

“So?! Stay at ero-sennin’s then!” He was practically begging.

Tsunade’s face contorted in revulsion. “Hell no! He only allows hookers in there and no way am I sharing!” She crosses her arms and jiggles her breasts, nose held high.

Naruto had about enough; he really wanted the annoying OLD pest gone. “Go to a hotel then.” He seethed.

Suddenly Tsunade’s proud composure had flown out the window and started playing with the buttons of her expensive green overcoat.

The younger blond gaped at the older in disbelief. “You’re broke again…aren’t you?” It wasn’t really a question, for he said it with derision.

Then she started whistling.

“Damn Tsunade-baba! When are you gonna start saving your money! You’re a freaking scientist for God’s sakes!” He flailed his arms about, almost letting go of the towel as he was still wet and naked.

“Oh don’t you worry yourself about that gaki, I can just invent some cheap new hallucinogen and I’ll be back on my feet. I’ll just need to stay a couple of days.” She grinned perfectly white teeth nervously.

Naruto had calmed down somewhat. “Really? Just a couple of days?”

Tsunade nodded briskly. “Yes, a couple dozen days. Exactly. Now if you don’t mind gaki, your beautiful Tsunade-chan needs to unpack her stuff.” And with that she zoomed by an open-mouthed Naruto to his bedroom.

The young blond turned on his heels and glared daggers at Tsunade’s back as she opened her suitcase on HIS bed. “What do you think you’re doing in my room?! And did you just say dozen?!”

“La La La… I can’t hear you...I’m singing…La la la…” As she finished emptying her not so big suitcase, thankfully, she analyzed her surroundings. “You should really clean up gaki, this place is a sty.” She wrinkled her nose.

“I’m a bachelor, I don’t need to clean.” He mumbled in aggravation. Some pests will never die. “And at least I have a home!”

The deceptively young vixen ignored the comment. “Well if we keep having this conversation you might as well not go to school, Naruto.” She winked.

Naruto paled in comprehension. “Oh shit! I’m gonna be late! Damn you baachan!” The naked boy sped to his room, nearly toppling over as he slid on the waxed floor. He slammed the door closed and was about to quickly put on some boxers when he noticed something he had missed.

“DAMMIT BAACHAN GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!”

Tsunade didn’t need to be screamed at twice as she left the room of her own volition, laughing all the way. The boy had a wrath similar to her own, it made her proud. It only took the boy three minutes to come out complete in uniform. Though everything was disheveled, tie askew, bedraggled hair, shirt all wrinkly where the moisture seeped through, in summary, he looked like Naruto. He was about to leave with an aura of death lingering behind when Tsunade stopped him.

“Hey gaki!”

The young blond, feeling beyond oppressed, turned his head Exorcist style. “What?”

“When did you get a webcam?” She asked, patting the device attached to his monitor. “If I knew we could have sent video messages to each other.” She laughed lightly.

Naruto breathed tiredly. “I don’t have internet, baachan.”

“Oh…not exactly true.” She mumbled the last part under her breath.

“What?”

“Oh nothing. You better get going or else they’ll lock you out.”

“Yeah yeah…you better be gone when I get back.”

She simply smirked. “Don’t count on it.”

Naruto grumbled angrily about restraining orders before he slammed the door shut.

Tsunade’s face fell solemnly. “You better take care of yourself gaki. Or else you’ll never get through this…”

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Meanwhile, in the classroom, Yamanaka Ino chatted animatedly to some of the girls in the class.

“Did you see the video this morning Ino-chan? I never knew he was so cute!” Exclaimed a giddy black haired girl by the name of Higurashi Kagome, who was said to only date boys with cat ears and white hair. “He sounded so sad though when he talked about his friends…” She frowned and looked at the floor in pity.

A red haired girl sitting next to her crossed her arms and puffed her cheeks. “Whatever! I still think he’s annoying and a pest! And he keeps going on about his sad little life, jeez how pathetic!”

“Oh shut up Miaka! God you’re so annoying! Everyone hates you you know! The way you’re so obsessed with your stupid book! Tamahome isn’t real baka!” Kagome screamed in fury, inciting curious stares from the rest of the class.

Ino paled in embarrassment. She attempted playing mediator. “Settle down ladies. We’re all entitled to our own-”

Tears threatened to form in Miaka’s brown eyes. “So? I’m not the one who makes out with her cat! ‘Oh Inuyasha! Fuck me Inuyasha!’” She prattled in a childish voice. “I bet you’re so in love with Naruto cuz he looks like a cat you freak!”

Kagome gasped. “Oh at least I don’t have orgasms over a fictional character!”

“Tamahome is real dammit!”

Ino stopped them before they could beat each other up. The agitated blond had a hard time trying to keep them apart as they persisted to claw at one another practically foaming at the mouth. Their classmates didn’t help matters much as they excitedly chanted “fight” and were basically like the audience in a wrestling match.

“Um.”

They all ceased their activity when another girl in their circle spoke up. That girl was Relena Peacecraft, a beautiful and shy young woman with aquamarine eyes and light brown hair. She was usually too reserved to say much of anything but when she did, her words were beyond significant. She was like a fortune cookie. The entire class froze, waiting for the intelligent brunette to speak. Even Miaka and Kagome ended their ferocious rambling.

“I…um…I think…”

The entire homeroom held their breath.

“I don’t think that…”

‘Yes…yes…YES?!’

“…secretion competitions are gross at all.”

Everyone drowned and died, for the room had been flooded with sweatdrops. As if there had never been an interruption at all, everyone resumed their activities. Girls trying to eat the other’s eyeballs, blond keeping said girls from accomplishing their task, as everyone else placed their bets.

“Hey Ino-pig! What did I miss?”

That interruption however was withstanding for everybody ceased all action and returned to their seats to chat quietly amongst themselves. Sakura lifted a pink eyebrow in question.

“Oh yeah…well…you see…they were um…arguing! About…whether…Itachi was gay or not! Yeah that’s it! Have you heard about that anyway?” She grinned sheepishly. Praying to the Sun that Sakura would not pry.

Sakura however seemed suspicious, but she let it go as she gracefully sat down beside Ino. “That’s so old news. Who do you think started that rumor anyway?”

“Oh…right.” Ino smiled in relief, deeming everything stable. She had tried to keep the charade hidden from the pink haired girl for as long as possible, even if it was only the first day. Hiding things from Sakura was far more a struggle than from Naruto, since everyone was assured to keep their mouths shut, cep’t for those certain others that would need more convincing, thankfully Shikamaru and Chouji had assigned themselves that task. Ino had persuaded everyone to only speak of the B2k virus on front of Sakura, and to cease all topics of Youtube in her presence. It was not easy, for EVERYONE was talking about the Naruto videos, pretty soon he would have his own fanbase, she was sure.

“Have you seen Sasuke-kun?”

“W-what?!” She shook her head, having been knocked out of her stupor.

Sakura rolled her emerald eyes. “I said did you see Sasuke? His phone’s still off and I’m getting worried.”

Ino felt sorry for Sakura. “No. I don’t think he’s even here yet. Maybe he’s sick?”

She nodded as if condemned. “Yeah, sick of me.” She turned in her seat, staring at the board.

Ino didn’t know what to say. She wondered what was wrong with her bestfriend. She had never seemed so depressed. Was she doubting their relationship?

‘It’s about time!’ Inner Ino screamed in annoyance.

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Naruto wasn’t surprised that he didn’t find Shikamaru waiting for him outside his apartment, considering that he was ten minutes from bell and the brunette would understandably come to the conclusion that waiting for him any longer would be troublesome. And there was also the little tussle the night before, how could he forget that.

He raced down sidewalks and dodged traffic as he was still a kilometer from school. He ignored the random passerby he bumped into, ignoring their glares of hate and confusion. He was panting heavily with his bag slung on one shoulder when he bounded through the gates and into the entrance. The corridors were disserted except for a certain rambunctious brunette playing fetch the biscuit with Akamaru outside their homeroom.

“Glad you made it! I thought you weren’t coming today.” He waved to the exhausted blond as the little German Sheppard/Chihuahua leaped to take the dog biscuit dangling from his master’s hand. “What the hell happened to you? You look like you rode a chainless bicycle to school!”

Naruto smoothed his hair the best he could and straightened his tie, fixing his pants that had somehow come loose. “So…are we late?” He asked breathily.

“Nope. We still got two minutes.” He ended play with his dog and stared at his blond bestfriend seriously. “What happened to you dude. I didn’t catch you yesterday. I didn’t think you would be THAT upset when that gay Uchiha grabbed your dick…” He laughed nervously.

Naruto scowled with a grimace. “Don’t even remind me.”

“But seriously. You just took off, and so did Shino and Shikamaru. I had to carry Hinata AND Neji home yesterday. It wasn’t pretty though when they both cuddled me in the bus thinking I were you…though it was nice when Hinata did it…” He smiled sadly.

Naruto looked at his friend with compassion. “Sorry Kiba…I just really had to leave.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Naruto seemed apprehensive. “Nah…maybe later. It’s…heavy stuff.”

“Oh…okay. I tried to get something out of Shino, but he wouldn’t say anything.”

The blond looked at his friend disbelievingly.

“Well no duh! He’s Shino after all! But…he just…I don’t know he’s more uptight than usual I guess!”

Naruto was about to say something when the bell rang, making them jump in surprise and bound to the room. Everyone hushed when the two boys took their seats, but Naruto was aware that it was because of him, for he could hear them whisper his name and pointedly stare at him when they thought he wasn’t aware. ‘Okay…did I sleep with someone’s girlfriend or something?’ He looked towards Shino who made no moves to greet him, and Shikamaru wasn’t present, and neither was Sasuke. ‘What the hell is going on today?’

Their homeroom and Literature teacher Hatake Kakashi showed up five minutes later, for Naruto, it felt like five HOURS of being the obvious center of attention and he had no idea why. ‘Does everybody know that a guy squeezed my lemon yesterday?’

“Sorry I’m late class, there was a Desperate Housewives marathon and Susan did something stupid and married her daughter’s boyfriend and-”

“LIAR!!” Sakura at Naruto shouted simultaneously.

The man’s one little eye appeared bored. “Actually, it’s the truth. Susan and Zack end up repopulating Wisteria Lane after it got devastated by the tsunami. But anyway, class please take out your-”

He was interrupted when Chouji noisily staggered into class with Shikamaru close behind.

“Well well, Mr. Nara, this is the first time you’ve been late. Please take your seats before I send you both to detention.” An evil glint shone in his one eye. Chouji tensed in fear. Detention with Kakashi was not pleasant. Not pleasant at all.

Shikamaru took his seat beside Ino while Chouji sat behind her. “What the hell took you guys so long?!” She hissed out softly.

“Iruka is…complicated.” Shikamaru answered detachedly.

“Complicated? That guys a monster!” Chouji grumbled with a slight lisp. “He wouldn’t stop screaming and he hit me with my chips.” He chubby boy rubbed a spot on his head.

Ino gasped. “It actually bruised?”

The genius beside her smirked. “He’s a lot stronger than he looks. He almost got me in the eye when I told him we were responsible.”

Ino stared at the boy with wide eyes, trying to keep her voice down. “We?! What do you mean we?! You didn’t have to tell them that I’m involved!”

Chouji chuckled softly. “Sorry Ino-chan. But we’re all in this together. Three is better than two anyway.”

Ino slumped in her seat and fumed for all it was worth. “Damn…and we have class with him tomorrow…”

“Settle down class. Please take out your “textbooks”; we’ll be doing a little role-play.”

Theirs was probably the only class on Earth that would assign porn as study material. Master Roshi, their principal, and Jiraiya’s brother was technically born a pervert, so no doubt it was accepted without much opposition. Although, it was Itcha Itcha Paradise: Poets without Pants, without a doubt Jiraiya’s most “acclaimed” work yet. And safe for teenagers…supposedly.

Naruto forcefully pulled out the “textbook” from his backpack moodily. Shikamaru hadn’t looked at him once since he arrived, and it seriously was starting to bug the blond. Kiba noticed his friend fuming over his porn book in front of him but decided to stay out of it. Akamaru whimpered in his own bag.

“Oh yes almost forgot.” Kakashi stated jadedly without looking up from his own Itcha Itcha Paradise. Not the one for teenagers though and definitely not the one for school. “We have a new student today. You can come in now.” He flipped a page.

Naruto nearly choked on his spittle. Nonetheless he was willing to strangle the person that had just entered the room. The bandaged figure of Uchiha Sai staggered through the portal on crutches, to everyone’s surprise and wonder. Somehow, they all knew who he was.

“Oh my God! Sai!” Sakura gasped, covering her mouth in shock.

“It’s dick boy…” Kiba muttered, fearing what would happen next.

Naruto’s encounter with the presently infamous Sai had become an urban legend among the students of Konoha. Classmates couldn’t decide whether to gaze at the boiling blond, or the grinning brunette. Grinning as in his mouth was at an angle that most had decided was not possible with human beings, and yet there it was. Kakashi, however, barely seemed to notice or care about the thick layer of tension that had blanketed his homeroom. He dazedly spared the class a glance before turning back to his book. “Since everyone seems to know who you are, you can sit down now Sai. And what do you know, there’s a seat vacant next to Naruto-kun. He’s the blond boy who looks like a tomato right now, you know, the one who looks like he wants to eat your kidneys, yes, sit next to him.” The white-haired sensei would have smiled in amusement, if he wasn’t too engrossed.

Sai threw all caution in the wind and pissed on it when he gratefully took the seat beside the bitter bag of hot and raging gas, completely ignoring the teacher’s unintended warning. Classmates of all shapes and sizes gaped at the scene like a soap opera.

Sai faced his slightly bandaged head towards Shikamaru with a mild expression; the genius in question however raised a brown eyebrow, silently asking ‘What?’ Sai promptly shifted his attention back to the glowering boy beside him. Without any regard at all to his fate, Sai spoke. “Nice to see you again, my dickless wonder.”

Kakashi giggled delightedly when Itcha decided to give Itcho a blowjob during a train ride at rush hour. Swarmed by his own fantasies, he failed to give notice to the reality that was his homeroom. Kiba and Chouji had managed to hold back a foaming Naruto from delivering yet another barrage of kicks and punches to the already disfigured Uchiha, who was still determined to grope the blond even after losing a few vital organs.

“Please read pages twenty-four to thirty of your ‘textbook’ and please keep it quiet.” He turned another page and giggled behind his mask when Itcha cheated on Itcho with Itchi. But Itcho let it go and decided to join them.

Technically, the class failed to read their “textbooks” and Sai was eventually sent to the hospital, again.

“And class, I will be assigning partners for you to study for the finals next week. Shikamaru will be with Ino.”

The genius smirked, and Ino grinned happily.

“Kiba will be with Chouji.”

The dog lover gave Chouji a high-five as they lay on the floor, panting, exhausted from having held back Naruto from going on a rampage for thirty minutes straight.

“Sakura and Sai. Shino and Hinata.”

Sakura screamed while Shino didn’t respond.

“And Naruto and Sasuke.”

The pink-haired girl glared daggers of envy at the tied up blond, who just grunted in acknowledgement. The rest of the class however did not know what to think of the news, having seen the last video and informed of the blonde’s feelings for the Uchiha, a few of the girls inwardly squealed while most seethed in hate, not wanting their Sasuke-kun tainted by the blond.

The bell rang suddenly and each student evaporated elsewhere. Shikamaru had uncharacteristically fled before the blond could approach him which added even more force to his gait, cracking tiles with each step.

Everyone around him had sensed his foul mood for miles and had withered out of his way. He was further irked when someone had the nerve to bump into him. “Watch where the hell you’re going you…Neji?”

He had indeed bumped into Neji who seemed worse for wear with a bandage on his nose. “Oh…good morning Naruto-kun.” Neji tried his best not to show how irritated he was at the blond, with people suddenly laughing at him thanks to Naruto’s “hockey puck” comment, and the now blatant fact that he couldn’t drive a bumper car did wonders for his reputation.

“Yeah, hi Neji. Um…Oh! I just noticed, I didn’t see Hinata today…where’d she go?”

“She’s just…sick Naruto-kun.” Yes, sick because of what the love of her life had said about her on the internet, thinking she was a sexual maniac and a rabid nympho. She had locked herself in the freezer and refused to come out until she digested their entire ice-cream supply, which is what girls did at times like those. “Yes…very, very sick.”

Naruto looked a tad worried. “Oh…okay. I hope she gets better. Bye Neji!” Before he could disappear out of his sight he had remembered something. “Oh yeah! Did you see Sasuke?”

Neji cringed internally, hating the name. He hadn’t missed that part of the video, though Hinata collapsed after seeing the part about her, Naruto’s latent feelings for the Uchiha would have been the final dagger. The pale-eyed boy bit his lip in jealousy. “No…”

Naruto frowned when he didn’t get much more of an answer. But he thanked the older teen anyway and left.

The rest of the day passed without any more events. He was proud of himself for having torn Sai apart, again, but it brought him no victories when most of his friends refused to acknowledge him. It saddened him that Shino was simply granting his wishes by avoiding him, for that he doubted he ever made the decision.

Shikamaru was another case; it angered him when the lethargic brunette would pour so much of his precious energies eluding him. Ino and Chouji actually looked apologetic when he tried confronting them, but it was pointless when his supposed bestfriend wandered to another place, as if following the clouds where their capricious whims decided. It frustrated him when he just couldn’t put his finger onto why he’d be avoiding him. Was he embarrassed about what Shino did to him? Or is it because Shikamaru really committed a crime and he was guilty? But then why would Shino cover up for him? Did it involve Naruto?

Naruto screamed in irritation when his head became hot enough to boil molasses. He cursed when it only brought even more stares toward him. He had been getting a lot of that lately, and the inaudible whispers were getting to him. Usually people didn’t bother to hide their hurtful opinions from him, but now, he could sense that they actually didn’t want him to know what they thought of him? Even Kiba seemed dumbfounded as to what was going on with everybody. For the first time in years they sat alone on their table in the cafeteria, and for the first time ever, they were completely and utterly singled out, everyone whispering at their expense.

Naruto broke his promise and refused to disclose any information to Kiba that day, much to the animal boy’s annoyance, who demanded to be let in the loop. Naruto could never blame him for being concerned, thinking that their friendships were unraveling for no apparent reason, but he just couldn’t reveal anything until he spoke to Shikamaru, if ever the older boy would speak. So he did to Kiba what Shikamaru did to him, treat him like an STD on legs and skedaddle. Kiba actually got so frustrated with him that he actually went all dog mode and chased him out of history class fifteen minutes before the bell.

He ran down every corridor trying to shake from the weredog’s trail, Kiba was actually barking! His only option was the broom closet when he turned left on the fork and slammed the door shut to darkness. He sighed in relief when the ferocious predator sounds died down as he got farther and farther away. He leaned his head on the door finally able to breathe.

“Naruto.”

His reaction was similar to that of being pinned on the butt with his head colliding with something hard. He fumbled with the greasy doorknob but finally succeeded in throwing it open as he ran out screaming only to have his face slam on a locker.

A pissed off red-head stumbled out of the dingy broom closet, massaging his bruised chin, throwing curses to the boy who had ended up in a heap on the floor. Fish swam before the blonde’s eyes, making several revolutions around his head before he gained full equilibrium. When his eyes had opened to green, he automatically sat up so quickly that he must have broke the poor person’s nose, along with an even bigger bruise on his forehead.

“Dammit Uzumaki!” Gaara shouted as he staggered back to a locker, trying to stop the blood from flowing down his nostrils.

Naruto stood up, rubbing his forehead in pain. “It’s you’re fault! What the hell are you doing sneaking up on me in the closet?! And staring at me like that!” He retorted, pissed off as well.

Gaara growled and used a handkerchief to clean his busted nose. He breathed out of his mouth and visibly calmed. “It’s okay.”

Naruto was prepared to snap right back at him when he took in what he just heard. “What?” He asked dumbly, very confused.

Gaara sighed in irritation, as if talking to a toddler. “I said, its okay, Uzumaki.” A vein throbbed on Gaara’s pale head, he hated repeating himself.

The little blond looked alarmed, not expecting that reaction at all. He anticipated Gaara beating him until he was left with only half a testicle, Gaara enjoyed going under the belt, but not as much as Sai. “Are you on crack Gaara?” He really was surprised.

The boy without eyebrows somehow seemed hurt. “No…not anymore.’ He whispered.

“Excuse me?” Having not heard the implication.

“Let…it go Uzumaki.”

Naruto wanted to push, but he was actually smarter than that. “Okay, whatever you say. But what the hell were you doing in the closet?”

Since he was so pale, it was hard not to catch his blush. “I…I like dark places…”

Naruto couldn’t help looking devious. “Oh Gaara, could you really not have waited till you got HOME to do that?” Mischief shone on his ocean depths.

Gaara shook out of rage more than embarrassment, being too proud to feel humiliated, though his blush said otherwise. “Do you want to say that again Uzumaki? I dare you to say that again!” His deep voice dripped with venom.

Naruto had a feeling that his fun was over. He took pride in the fact that only he could get under Gaara’s skin, well, next to Lee of course. “Fine, fine. You win. I should get going anyway. There are rabid dogs around here. And sorry about your chin, and your nose, and your…um…hard on.” He coughed out the last. “Bye Gaara!” He jogged away.

“Wait Uzumaki!”

Naruto froze, panicking that Gaara had actually heard him. Though Naruto was not to be trifled with in a brawl, Gaara was…Gaara. The red-haired sadist had nothing against fighting dirty. “Y-yeah?”

Holy shit! Did Gaara actually look…bashful?! “I uh, I’ve been wanting to ask you this for a long time…”

Naruto found himself drawing tentatively closer to the green-eyed insomniac. Gaara…was fucking twiddling his fingers! “Yeah…?”

The older boy took a much needed gulp. Having never felt so evasive in his life! “Naruto…will you…will you…?” ‘Will you fucking go out with me godammit!?’

“Come on Gaara…just spit it out! Your sweating is making me sweat…hehe…”

Gaara, putting his trust on himself, just let his words fly with the wind. “Damn Uzumaki! Why do you have to be so gay?!” Did he mention that he wasn’t all that good with words?

Naruto felt like he had been punched in the face, like Sai had grabbed his nuts again. But it was a different feeling.

Gaara did not wait for the blond to react as he marched away, as stiff as a Barbie doll.

When Naruto had come to his senses, he made an attempt to rush after the raccoon boy, but not after Kiba decided to show up.

“There you are…Naruto…” He lapped at his lips and growled.

Naruto had given up his masculinity completely and shrieked down the corridor like a little girl, a really fast and scared little girl as he dashed for the exit.

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Uchiha Sasuke leaned on the hood of his sleek black sports car outside the school, arms crossed and eyes hidden in concentration. He had completely skipped school that day, totally against the sexy prodigy’s character. Though his schedule was always packed, and had fangirls to deal with on an hourly basis. It had gotten so bad that one stalker actually hid under his bed and fed on lint until he got home. Despite his hectic lifestyle, he had always been diligent with his studies.

Why did Naruto always take it upon himself to mess that up?

Naruto’s little confession had affected him far more than he thought it would. It had revived buried dreams that he thought had been put to rest, once he accepted that he would never gain the blonde’s friendship again. Although, he had been the one to decide that he didn’t deserve Naruto’s attention. But…had he been hurting Naruto all along?

Sasuke couldn’t doubt the pain in Naruto’s eyes when he spoke in the video. Even when he was prattling on about his erratic bowel movements, his eyes seemed dishonest. But he assumed that was because of the conflict between his friends and not so much about him at all. He still wondered why the cicada freak had ended up strangling lazy boy in a public bathroom. They were both dark and reserved in their own right, but he didn’t expect them to butt heads. Were they aware that Naruto had cried because of that? Well of course, everyone in Konoha City must have seen the video. Even an Eskimo in the arctic had seen it, sending a video response about how much Naruto had “warmed his frozen heart”. If only the blond was allowed to know how much he was already affecting people. Though…that did not mean Sasuke had to follow the rules…

He was startled from his daydream when he heard the slam of heavy doors and found Naruto bounding out of the School’s entrance in fright. He shut the oaken doors behind him and barricaded them with a metal bar that he had conveniently found in the bushes. He could hear what sounded like a grisly animal roaring within, trying to blast the entrance apart but to no avail. Naruto gratefully took a breath and wiped the sweat off his brow. He smiled when he noticed Sasuke in the driveway.

It made Sasuke’s stomach all a flutter that he was still able to make his ex-friend smile. He became a bit nervous though as he thought of how to confront the blond. Should he be a pal and tell him about the video? Or should he let it run its course so he can find out more of his thoughts about him? Sasuke, however, did most things for his own gain so hell yeah he would leave things the way they were. Naruto will be hurt anyway; was his reason. Another matter was if he should even try to foster a relationship with the blond again. But he would need time. He wondered how he could spend time with the blond without seeming obvious…

“Hey! Sasuke-teme! Kakashi-sensei made us partners to study for the finals, so…uh…wanna go to my house today?”

Sasuke was baffled. ‘Well that was…convenient.’ “Sure dobe, got nothing better to do.” Try to stay cool…try to stay cool…

“So, um…are you waiting for Sakura-chan?”

Cool gone. The young Uchiha expressed his displeasure. “…yes.” Hell no!

“Oh that’s good, glad that you’re actually acting like a boyfriend teme.” He remarked sarcastically.

“Hn.”

Naruto leaned right beside him, shoulders touching. Sasuke shuddered. “I guess we’ll wait for her then. Sai’s living with you right?”

Sasuke glared at the blond for that. “No! Why did you ask that?”

Naruto returned a stare of disbelief. “You don’t know? Are you Uchiha’s actually related? Sai transferred here today.”

The raven made the best impersonation of a fish that Naruto had ever seen. “Are you serious dobe? Did he…did he…?” He didn’t want to ask.

“…he touched me.” The blond muttered darkly.

Sasuke wanted to chew Sai’s car and spit it right back at him.

“…and I beat the shit out of him.” Naruto gave him the most glorious grin he had ever seen. Looking so beautiful should be illegal. Sasuke sighed in relief, keeping his blush from showing.

The raven ruffled the blonde’s hair affectionately, wishing he could do that as much as he wanted. “Knowing you, you probably bit HIS balls off. You’re not as tough without those fangs of yours kitsune.”

Naruto brushed his hand away. “Cut that out teme. Sometimes you’re just as bad as Sai.”

That hurt him, it hurt him a lot. But he accepted it, silencing them both and bringing forth the tension between them.

The whiskered blond couldn’t take it anymore. “Let’s go to my place now teme.”

“I thought you wanted to wait for Sakura?” Why did he even bother? It’s not like he cared.

“It’s pointless really. Sai is Sakura-chan’s partner so they should be studying.” He casually forgot the bit about sending the brunette to the hospital.

“Hm. Lucky him.” He took out his keys and unlocked his car. He took the driver’s seat and started the engine with a purr. “Get in dobe.”

Naruto hesitantly complied. He carefully slid into the seat, not wanting to ruin the leather. Too irked for conversion, they sped off to Naruto’s apartment. They had left before hearing the desperate cries of students locked inside the barricaded facility.

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“God! I just can’t figure out when to use sine and cosine! Is there a point to all this?!” They had been studying for three hours on the living room floor, and Naruto was all crabby. He had suggested playing video games and indoor hockey but Sasuke refused, deeming their studies a greater priority. He hated being called boring.

“You use sine for the longer side, and cosine for the shorter.”

“Okay…so when do we use tan?”

“Well, Tan is…it’s too complicated for you dobe.”

“Don’t you patronize me teme!” He lightly smacked the other boy’s head.

They continued like that for a whole ‘nother hour, Naruto asking for help every now and then and Sasuke jumping at every reason to touch his partner. The silence was so overbearing that even Sasuke wanted to break it. “Wanna make out?”

Naruto could not believe his ears, so he cleaned them out with his finger. “W-what did you s-say?”

Sasuke sighed in exasperation. “Dobe. I said do you want to order take-out? It’s already seven and I’m getting hungry.”

Sweet relief flooded the blonde’s features, putting his hand to his heart. “Oh. I thought you said something else. Something else entirely…well I have some ramen instead.”

“No. Take-out is fine.”

Naruto grumbled about demanding bastard guests but went to the phone anyway.

“Be more gentle Dr. Pepper! I’m still a veeeery young nurse you know!”

“What the hell is that?” Sasuke was mildly intrigued by the muffled voices outside Naruto’s apartment. Someone sounded drunk.

“Hm…that sounds like…OH FUCK!!” Naruto had completely forgotten the unwelcome visitor from that morning. He paled when the door opened to reveal Tsunade with her arms draped over the shoulders of a boy not much older than them.

“Oh…you didn’t tell me there were kids in here.” The stranger said.

‘Who the hell are you calling kids you mother fucker!?’ He thought that literally.

Sasuke was more than intrigued. “Naruto, is that Dr. Tsunade?”

“Oh…those aren’t kids…they can watch us make BABIES cuz I’m gonna drink you aaaall up Dr. Pepper!” She hiccupped and ran lopsidedly to HIS room, slamming her bosoms on the wall on her way.

“Wow…she can really get into the booze, but I must say, you’re sister’s really hot. I’ll close the door when I bang her okay?”

Naruto could not express how annoyed he was, having a complete jerk imply that he was even remotely related to the big-breasted freak that he actually referred to as his baachan. Not to mention that the moron actually confessed to wanting to fuck his “sister” in HIS home. Oh Naruto wasn’t having that! “Hey wait! Before you go, do her or whatever, I’ve got something to show you.”

“What? You got any sex toys in that backpack?”

…oh this would be good! Sasuke was contended to being spectator once again. He really did enjoy being around Naruto, it was never ever dull.

Naruto ignored the comment and opened a drawer that was filled with papers and presented it to Tsunade’s bitch. “This, is her birth certificate.” Naruto said smugly.

The boy gasped and flushed beyond all reason, not believing what he was seeing. “What the…this can’t be right! Is this…is this papyrus?”

The blond tried to exude calm, though he wanted to laugh. He had been saving that so he could blackmail her if ever her antics got too far. “Yep. Written with ink and quill. You can’t mistake the caricature; they say it’s maybe pre-Ming Dynasty?”

The boy looked like he wanted to barf, having took notice of the date. He gave it back with shaky hands.

“Dr. Peeeppeeerr! My legs are open noooow!! Wheeeeen are you gonna come in alreeeeady?!” The tipsy woman shouted from Naruto’s bedroom.

Naruto crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “So? Are you gonna pleasure her or what? She won’t stop screaming until you do.”

The boy trembled out his response. “Oh God! No way dude! I mean, I like older women, but that’s just fucked up! I’m outa here!” And so he did.

When the door closed Naruto laughed so hard he was rolling on the floor. Even Sasuke decided it was most worthy a hearty chuckle, though he wanted to bellow. When they had both calmed down enough, Sasuke peered at Naruto with admiration. “You’re amazing Naruto.” ‘Nobody ever makes me laugh like you do.’

What flashed in Naruto’s dazzling eyes could only be translated as deep seated longing. “Thanks.” Though it vanished as quickly as it came when Tsunade moaned audibly, literally demanding Dr. Pepper to fuck her sideways. “I think you should go now Sasuke. It’s gonna take a while to sedate granny over there. Sorry you have to eat at your place.”

Sasuke hid his disappointment. “It’s okay. I need to catch up anyway. Since I missed school and all. So, same time tomorrow?”

Naruto smiled warmly. “Sure.” Before he could close the door on the Uchiha, he asked. “Hey, Sasuke, why did you skip school today?”

‘Because of you…’ Though he would never say that. “I’ve been busy. You know…I’m a model.”

“Yeah yeah don’t rub it in…good night Sasuke.”

“Goodnight Naruto.” He almost gave Naruto a goodbye kiss when the door closed on his face. It was too soon anyway. He sighed and sadly returned to his mansion. Even with Itachi, it was still lonely as hell.

Naruto slid to the floor, holding his knees to his chest. ‘Damn…do I miss him THAT much? Che…what’s the point. It’s not gonna happen anyway. I won’t let it happen. I don’t wanna be hurt again…’

“Dr. Peeepppeeerrr! Screwww mee Dr. Peeepppeeerrr Screeww MMEEEE!!!”

Naruto cursed the angels of heaven; there was no way the neighbors wouldn’t hear that. “Wait a minute you old slut!” He was about to retrieve the tranquilizers when the phone rang. He picked up the one near his computer. “Hello. Uzumaki Naruto speaking, not like there’s anyone else.”

“OH MY GOD DR. PEPPEEERRR!!!!”

Naruto sweatdropped, hoping against hope that whoever it was hadn’t heard that. “Who…the hell…is that?!” Came the low and breathy response.

The blond was shocked once more. “Gaara? Is that you?”

“Am I…disturbing anything…Uzumaki?” Gaara’s voice alone could freeze a burning building.

“Oh no! That’s just my aunt!” Naruto had realized too late how that must have sounded.

“…excuse me while I go spill my own guts Uzumaki.” The red-head actually sounded sick.

“Gaara! That’s not what I meant! My aunt is staying over and she got herself drunk! And God don’t you even suggest me touching her!”

Gaara had calmed considerably, but was still sick from imagining Naruto, having sex with…a woman!

“Oh right…uh…you remember Tsunade right?”

There was a long pause before Gaara answered. “Yes…I remember her…”

“Yeah…she’s here. So what did you want raccoon boy? I mean after you called me gay for no apparent reason, I assumed you’d be talking to me less than you already do, but I guess I was WAY off…”

Naruto wasn’t making it any easier for Gaara it seems. But that time, he was determined, and he refused top screw up. “I didn’t mean what I said before and…go on a date with me!”

The blond fox was speechless, did he mishear again? “Can you repeat that? I think I heard you say you wanted to-”

“Yes Uzumaki, go out with me! I’ll pick you up tomorrow at your place!”

“Hey Gaara! Wait a -”

“I’ll come at six, so don’t be late!”

“Oy raccoon boy! Let me -”

“And wear dinner clothes! We’re eating out!”

“But Gaara c’mon! Let me -.” Dial tone. He limply set the phone back to its cradle and stared at the window. If Gaara had been confident enough and given him the time to respond, he would have said…”

“Okay…”

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Sorry if this chap is kinda blah but the chappie after the next will be a lot better, I promise. Lots of Lee and Gaara madness and jealous potential boyfriends so hold on for that.

And I apologize that Sai is kinda…um…worthless at the moment, but he WILL play a big role in this story.