Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK, TWISTED FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this a stress reliever. It is twisted and MORBID with disturbing images. Sorry, I do not have a beta, so this is unbetaed- read at your own risk.

Chapter 6: Naruto's Revelation


'Naruto thinking'
"talking"


‘Sasuke has always been a bringer of pain’, I think numbly to myself allowing the thought to calm me. ‘How could I have forgotten?’ I look hollowly at how he has tied my limbs to the bed with very little fear. I would have expected to be more afraid. But this, this moment is at least predictable. My fear started when I realized that I did not know everything about Sasuke. And I still don’t. But this moment- this moment I understand.

“Oh I see how you think this is going to go,” Sasuke smirk evilly. I barely listen as I allow my thoughts to run unfettered. Sasuke doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He is a bringer of pain that is what I could always trust him to be. The predictability of this moment soothes my fear of him like nothing else could, but not my hurt.

Sasuke continues, “Do you really think that I am going to let you get away with not enjoying our first time, dobe? What kind of lover would I be, hm?”

I wanted him to be more than this. I wanted us to be more than this. But this is what we are. Pain and ruthlessness. ‘That is all we will ever be. My pain and his ruthlessness.’ I wait for the negative feelings that should accompany this revelation, but the strange mixture of calmness that settles over me seems thick and impenetrable.

I have no desire to fight. I have no desire to get away. ‘Away where?’ I question myself, ‘Where would I go?’ I know that I have nowhere to go. No one cares. No one would defy Sasuke. People have to have known about him all along. They should have known that what’s between Sasuke and me would end like this. Iruka. Tsunade. They must have known what Sasuke is, who he is- but they don’t care. They didn't tell me.

I haven’t worked as a ninja since I came back from the Sound. So I haven’t made new friends. And my old ones- well, they never really cared anyway.

Only one person cared enough to warn me. Shino. But he flatly refused to help me with anything else but the knowledge that Sasuke is a destructive force. ‘Like that is a newsflash.’ I can feel an unstable bubble of laughter well up in me. I suppress it because it feels too much like madness. I refuse to go mad. I survived the dungeon in the Sound and I will survive this, because this, like the Sound in many ways, is inevitable.

I knew what Sasuke was before Shino’s words. That is why I followed him. I saw the look of desire on his face when he found me in that cell naked and broken and seemingly insane. I saw it. I knew it then; and I know it now. Yet, I am still here. ‘What does that make me?’ I begin to ask myself over and over again in wonder.

I faintly hear Sasuke continue his monologue by saying, “I can’t have you be afraid of 'us'. Now, can I dobe? I can promise you, you are going to shout from pleasure before this night is over. But you will also cry with pain.”

‘If Sauske is a bringer of pain, and I am drawn to him,’ I wonder almost ignoring Sasuke completely, ‘Am I a taker of pain? Am I really a receiver of pain?’

My life flashes before my eyes. The rejection from the villagers. The pain of bearing Kyuubi. My desire to be recognized. The devastation of suffering multiple physical, mental, and spiritual violations in the Sound. Sasuke’s betrayal with Shino. And suddenly it becomes clear, I am pain. I don’t just suffer pain, I am pain. And Sasuke, in all his ruthlessness, is a giver of pain.

I hear Sasuke say, “Pleasure and pain are funny things, dobe. Pleasure is so much sweeter after the pain. And pain is so much sharper before pleasure. You’ll see. I promise you, you're going to love this.”

‘Now, I know.’ I think, as strange peace invades my mind, ‘We fit.’

You remember,” Sasuke says as if he understands my thoughts. ‘I remember thinking we fit before. But never like this.’

Sasuke continues, “I thought you would deny it. Most people do. You remember that moment when the pain was so sharp you began to cling to what seemed like pleasure just to get through it. Remember that delusion, dobe. Now think about what I am about to do to you. But with me, dobe, the pleasure will be real,” he bends and whispers in my ear, “You're going to scream with it.”

I shiver slightly at his words allowing myself a whimper that I am not certain is from fear or desire. ‘Is that what Sasuke is to me? A pain that almost seems like pleasure, but isn't?’

I allow my gaze to follow Sasuke as he moves away and continues to remove his outer protection. I take in his menacing smile that reinforces his verbal promises. I see the madness in his black eyes, made blacker by his intent to do harm. And my fear returns, but this time I see if for what it is. For the first time, I actually understand that my typical fear of him is riddled and fueled by my desire for him. They have always been joined, my fear and desire of Sasuke.

I begin to shiver in earnest from fear and excitement. ‘What is he going to do to me?’ The ‘me’ echoes through my head, as it reminds me of a similar question I asked myself when I was talking to Shino. At that time I only recognized the fear. I realize Shino understood me better than I understood myself. ‘Maybe I don’t need help after all.’

My attention turns back to Sasuke. Watching him remove more of his ‘everyday’ armor leaves more and more of his body bare for me to examine. The sinew of his forearms almost mesmerize me. Watching his muscles work as he removes the protective wrapping around his left calf. His motions are so simple, so effortless. I feel another shiver run through my body as I realize he will touch me tonight. He will try to brand me tonight. I can’t help, but feel the desire I’d been suppressing for years flood through my body. I can’t stop my cock from jumping in response to my wants, but I keep my desire from manifesting on my face. That is not how this will go.

‘I will play this game. This game is ours to play.’

“Please. Please,” I beg softly, testing Sasuke’s resolve to bring me pain.

“It is not yet the time for begging, Nartuo,” he says flatly as his fingers, having finished removing his protective gear, move down the left side of my body. Both the lack of sympathy in his voice and my own fear make me tense with desire. I watch his eyes trail down my body. The intensity of his gaze leaves me feeling stripped beyond mere skin. And I know that I am ready. I am ready for this.

‘Let it begin.’

-TBC-