Pining

AN: Thank you for reading.



llyoung Yeah, he didn't deserve it.

ALD He really did like Iruka... Arrgh, I'm not going to tell more. You have to read my other fic when I get it finished.

Anise Keep reading ^.^ And if you're interested in what's going on with Itachi you should read my next fic when it's finished...

Hello Thanks ^__^ I'm smiling like mad every time someone comments my writing emotional.

Jirian Yeah, my story, and I do what ever I want with it *evil laugher*. No, seriously, keep reading ^.^

BrucesGirl Good, good, good. Same reply as to Hello; I'm smiling like mad every time someone comments my writing emotional (or emotionally punishing ^.^).



Thanks to Demosthenes for editing ^_^


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Iruka cracked his eyes open. The pale morning light spoke of how early it was to wake up. He shifted his leg and a stinging pain woke unpleasant feelings in the back of his mind. Slowly he opened his eyes and instead of his cozy bedroom what he saw was his living room. Like a crack in a dam, slowly growing deeper, Iruka's mind flooded with flashes from the last evening. The painful memory, the absolute ignominy. Tears rose to his eyes, they burned his already red eye whites.



After laying there for a while Iruka forced himself to move. The couch and blanket were stained with semen and blood. The mixture of dried, almost yellow white and almost brown dark red painted a sad picture. Iruka swallowed. His throat hurt from crying. Every inch of him was screaming from pain and anger. From disillusion and mortification. He dragooned himself up. Each step was a battle not to crumble to the floor and cry himself back to sleep. The distance to the bathroom was longer than the one between Paris and New York.



Iruka didn't put the lights on. He didn't want to see himself from the mirror. The reflection would only tear more wounds into his already ragged soul. He turned the water on and stepped under it. The droplets hitting his face made Iruka cringe. Thankfully the water washed away the blood from his chin and cheek. Sluicing the traces of his humiliation. Making him feel almost human again.



The soap burned Iruka's ruptured rear and left a stinging sensation as the water rinsed it away. After a long time Iruka turned the water off. He took his towel and quietly dried himself. The warm bath rope hid his naked body as he tottered to his bedroom. The red numerals on the bedside clock told him it was time to make the call. He picked up the receiver and dialed the familiar number.



"Moshi moshi." came the perky answer.



"Morning, it's Umino Iruka."



"Ah, good morning Iruka-sensei."



"Um, I'm not feeling too well this morning. I'm afraid I can't come to work today." it took a great effort to get the words out.



"Oh, I'm sorry. I could notify the Hokage's office for you."



"Thank you, if it's not too much trouble."



"No, not at all. You just try to rest and get better."



"I will, thank you."



Iruka lay down on his bed and sighed heavily. Walking from the shower had opened a wound in his rear, it was bleeding slightly. Iruka took a paper tissue from his bedside table and pressed it against his opening. How did this happen? He wasn't quite ready to accept the fact. Itachi would never... I can't believe he did this to me. Itachi was a spoiled brat, talented - yes, but spoiled. Used to getting anything he wanted. And now Iruka had stepped on his toes. Denied him something he had wanted. Iruka had said no to Itachi, and now he was paying for it.



Iruka was drained. His eyelids drooped and his brain ached, telling him it was too tired for thinking. Soon he dropped off to sleep. It was a dreamless sleep. Deep and healing. The kind you get when you have high enough fever. Restoring strength and giving time away from troubling thoughts. Next time Iruka opened his eyes it was already afternoon. He didn't have the will to get up so he stayed in his bed.



Then the fear stepped in. It captivated Iruka. He was cold and shaking like a terrified puppy. He pulled the blanket over him, pulled his legs close to his body and trembled. His heart thumped, each beat echoing in his head. All the little noises scared him, alerted him, made him think there was someone in his apartment. Scattered, irrational thoughts crossed his mind like series of twisted images. His breathing was rapid and shallow. Every muscle in his body tensed, ready to react. Soon he was exhausted and the heavy sleep took over again.



Knocking on the door woke Iruka up. He opened his eyes but didn't move. Itachi! Iruka's heart jack-hammered in his chest, feeding the panic. He waited for the knocking to stop, but it continued persistently.No, it can't be. Why would he come back? To apologize? I really doubt it. Few more loud knocks came before it ceased. Finally. Iruka sighed.



"Yo!" the familiar voice came only a meter or so from Iruka.



Surprised Iruka threw the blanket down and turned to look at the smiling jounin. The movement was too much for his abused behind. It hurt like stabbed and made Iruka wince. Then he realized what he had done as he saw the worry reflecting from Kakashi's eye. Quickly Iruka turned away and tried to hide his face behind the blanket he was pulling back up.



"What are you doing here?" Iruka asked accusingly.



"You weren't at work today... and I heard you were sick. So I figured you probably weren't able to cook for yourself and brought you something to eat." Kakashi answered.



Iruka heard Kakashi put something on the bedside table. He didn't feel hungry. He wanted the jounin to go away and leave him alone. He didn't want anyone to see him in his current state.



"Thank you, but you shouldn't have."



"To tell the truth, I was a bit worried... I thought it might be something similar you had the day you collapsed in the park." Kakashi continued.



Iruka could feel the blush rising to his cheeks, getting deeper, hotter. Does he mean he expected this? Does he know the marks on my body before were Itachi's? Iruka felt he could just sank into the mattress and dissolve.



"Is there anything you need? Should I get a medical nin to take a look?" Kakashi asked.



"NO! I just need... I want to be alone."



"Okay. But I won't leave before you eat something."



"I'm not hungry. I just need to be alone."



"You haven't eaten anything today, have you?" Kakashi waited for the answer and when Iruka said nothing he continued "You have to eat. So the sooner you eat the sooner you get rid of me."



Iruka contemplated his options, grunted and pushed the blanket away. What did it matter anymore? Kakashi had already seen his face. He had seen the black eye and swollen lip. All the bruises marring his tanned skin. Sitting up was a pain, but he fought it. As he took the food from the table he gave Kakashi a defiant look. Challenging him to say something, but the jounin didn't. He just looked at Iruka in contemplation.



Kakashi had brought him miso soup. It was hot and burned Iruka's bruised lip. He had to wait for it to cool down a bit. Why is he here? Iruka lifted his gaze and looked at the jounin. Kakashi stood by the window, it seemed as though he was thinking hard.



"You could sit down. You don't have to stand there and wait for me to eat." Iruka said apologetically.



He didn't mean to be so rude, he had had enough harshness lately. After all Kakashi tried to help him. The jounin turned and looked around to find a chair. There were none.



"You can sit on my bed if you want." Iruka added.



Kakashi shifted his weight and looked puzzled. Then he glanced at Iruka and sat on the bed. Why doesn't he say something? Why doesn't he ask anything? Not that Iruka wanted a conversation, he was actually pleased for the silence between them. He took another spoonful of soup. It was still a bit too hot, but it tasted good.



Halfway through his meal Iruka lifted his gaze to Kakashi who was still looking at the window. They hadn't spoken anything. The jounin looked strong and astoundingly adult. Surely he knew how young Itachi was but he hadn't thought about it for a long time. Now, seeing Kakashi sitting there on his bed, sensing his masculine presence, made Iruka feel guilty. I should've known. He's still so young... I shouldn't have touched him, let him touch me. Iruka's eyes dropped back to his plate.



The soup warmed Iruka inside. He didn't feel so weak physically and the spinning in his head was lessening. Iruka put the empty bowl on the table. Kakashi stood up, took it and went to the kitchen. Soon Iruka heard the water running. I have to go to the toilet... Iruka staggered up. The wounds in his rear were still too fresh for him to move, but he forced himself. He was almost out from his bedroom when Kakashi emerged from the kitchen, tall glass of water in hand.



"You shouldn't be walking! Let me help you." Kakashi fretted, putting the glass down.



"No, I'm alright." Iruka muttered.



"No you're not. You're bleeding." Kakashi's voice was stern.



Suddenly Iruka felt weak and he had to cling to the wall in order not to fall down. In a blink Kakashi was holding Iruka up, ignoring Iruka's protests; he lifted him and carried him to the toilet. Kakashi put Iruka down on the toilet-seat and turned the light on.



"I’ll be just outside." he stated as he stepped out.



Iruka sat on the toilet-seat blinking. This is so embarrassing. He saw me bleed from... now he knows that I was... what he did to me. He closed his eyes and wished it all to be just some bad dream. Then he opened them and noticed he was still staring at the same Dutch tiled wall. This is no dream. The door opened, Kakashi came in with Iruka's pajamas.



"These should be more comfortable than the bathrobe. I‘ll wait outside, give me a shout if you need help."



When the door closed Iruka took a piece of toilet paper, moistened it and wiped away the blood on his thighs. It was painful to sit there and it took a while before Iruka finished his business. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands avoiding the image in the mirror. The bathrobe dropped to the floor, Iruka lifted his pajama pants. He slipped his legs in as quickly as he could. The faster I do this the sooner the pain will be over.



Purplish bruises covered his hips. They were small and round, marking the places where Itachi had held him. Iruka pulled the pants up. He tried to move as little as he could to keep his rear from bleeding. The warm pajama shirt was soft and comfortable. Iruka was about to open the door and determinately walk by himself to the bedroom when the door was opened. Kakashi stepped in and lifted Iruka into his arms. He carried him straight to the bedroom and softly landed him on the bed. Caringly he adjusted the pillows for Iruka and covered him with blanket.



"I brought you some water, you should drink."



"Um, thank you." Iruka managed.



The sun had set hours ago and it was late. Kakashi sat on Iruka's bed and pet his legs gently.



"I should probably go." Kakashi said quietly.



"Yeah. Thank you for the soup and all." Iruka answered.



"I'll come back tomorrow. I'll bring something for your wounds." Kakashi continued.



Iruka blushed at the remark. He hadn't thought about his appearance for hours and now it all came to him again. Oh gods, I must look terrible! Iruka blinked his eyes rapidly to hold the tears back. Blinking hurt his black eye.



"You don't have to. You're probably busy and... I need to be alone." Iruka's voice wasn't much more than a whisper.



"I don't have anything important this weekend. So I'll see you tomorrow. Try to rest now." Kakashi said reassuringly and then he was gone.



I wish he wouldn't come. I just want this to be over. I want these wounds closed so I can continue my own life. Alone.



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AN: Sorry for the angst but I think it's in order. I don't like to write too angsty stories and I expect that no one wants to read them. But it can't be helped. Sorry.