The Dance

A/N: Sorry this took so long. Kid sister was down and well even though she knows what I write I'm still not writing smut in front of her. Weeeeird!

[1] Akio - (aki) "bright" combined with (o) "husband, man", (o) "male" or (o) "hero, manly". Obviously I took the hero aspect for choosing his name.

[2] Manami - From Japanese 愛 (mana) "love, affection" combined with 美 (mi) "beautiful" or 海 (mi) "sea, ocean". I actually used all possible aspects here. Love since she's the love interest, beautiful because she's the damsel in distress and sea/ocean I reflected in the fact she's being rescued from PIRATES! hehe I have fun coming up with names. Yes I even take time to name the non-important characters... why because it's fun!

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Kakashi leapt into his apartment through the open window, tossing his bag on the bed and rummaging through it. It took him a moment, but he found the tin and pulled it out. There was a large dent in the top; he frowned, but then decided it was probably better than a side being dented. At least, this way, it was still sealed properly.

Taking out his Icha Icha novel, he shoved the tin in its place, and opened his book. He had gotten to the part where Akio[1] had just saved Manami[2] from the pirates holding her captive just as he'd arrived at the village. It'd been the only thing keeping his mind from wandering after he'd completed his mission.

It's not that he didn't believe Tsunade; it's just that he didn't want to take her words at face value. At the same time, he wasn't sure what to do about them. Even if he hadn't been wrong about Iruka's attraction to him, the chunin had made it clear he didn't want the same thing Kakashi wanted. Worse, however, was that the chunin seemed to think he wasn't worth being in a relationship with, or that he was incapable of being in one.

Sighing, he opened his book and headed downstairs to the bookstore. He'd figure out what to do about Iruka later. It wasn't until he hit the last step, that he noticed the third chakra signature. He stared at the light spilling out of the back room.

It wasn't as though she wouldn't have already realized he was there, and surely the chunin would have noticed by now. So, shoving the surprise aside, he crossed the room and poked his head in. "Yo."

"Hello, Kakashi-san," Iruka said, not quite meeting his eyes before turning back to stare at his tea.

"Sit," his grandmother barked at him as she refilled a tray of pastries from a box on the counter.

Kakashi sat down at the table and looked from Iruka to Kiko curiously. He couldn't quite figure out why the chunin was here. Had Iruka found out she was his Ouji-san and, if so, how? Did she hunt him down and invite him for tea? He wouldn't put it past her.

"Would you stop that? You're not being ambushed." She set his tray down in front of him and shook her head as she poured him a cup.

Frowning, Iruka picked up his tea and took a sip, not looking at him. It confused the copy-nin, and he wondered why the chunin would seek him out and then just... ignore him. Maybe Kiko really had dragged him here; the thought bothered him.

"Now, as I was saying, I have several books on tactics." Kiko smiled at Iruka, who seemed confused for the briefest moment before regaining his composure and nodding.

She scribbled on a piece of paper beside her plate as she spoke. "Most of them are focused on the smaller standard teams shinobi run in, but I do have several that are aimed at large group warfare. Also, there are some history books that discuss events that happened in the great wars that might be of use. I even have one from Hidden Mist, that was written by one of the lead tacticians several years after the war."

Iruka raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Kakashi frowned and wondered if, perhaps, it was just a coincidence.

Kiko handed the paper to Iruka, who read it and tucked it into his jacket pocket. "So many titles, the list and notes will be very useful. Thank you."

"Well, I'm an old woman, and it's getting late. The books are behind the counter. Kakashi, you can help him carry them back." Even if the dismissal hadn't been clear in her tone, it was when she began clearing dishes.

"Hai, Tsukiko-san." Kakashi dodged the swat she aimed at the back of his head.

"Brat," she muttered. He merely smirked in response.

Iruka stood and bowed politely. "Thank you for the loan of the books, Kiko-san. I shall return them as soon as I can."

"See that you do. And, be careful with the game. I would hate to find pieces missing. They are difficult to replace." The smile softened the words, and Iruka returned the gesture.

"I shall guard them with my life."

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The walk was uncomfortably quiet. He wanted to say something, but he was afraid he'd say the wrong thing, again. It didn't help that every time he opened his mouth, somebody would come around a corner or step out of a shop. Iruka mentally kicked himself when he realized they'd reached his apartment, and he hadn't so much as said he was sorry. Iruka set the box down and took the other from Kakashi, placing it on top of the first.

He unlocked the door and set the boxes inside, before turning to look at the silver-haired nin again. He knew it was time he got the inevitable over with. Steeling his nerves he shoved the nervousness aside.

"I'm sorry," he finally choked out. Kakashi shifted his weight, and Iruka could see he was frowning. His eyebrow was furrowed, and his jaw was clenched; but, he wasn't sure if it was in anger or thought. "Do... you wanna come inside?" He winced as he realized how that probably sounded.

Kakashi didn't say anything or move to go, but neither did he move to enter. "For what part?"

"Oh..." He was surprised by the question. "All of it," he said after a moment, and his chest tightened painfully when Kakashi looked away.

"I'm not incapable of..." The words trailed off for a moment. "Never mind." The silver-haired man sighed and turned to leave.

"Of what?" Iruka wondered what he'd said this time to make Kakashi mad at him, how such a simple thing as an apology could go so badly. It wasn't until he noticed that the copy-nin was looking at his arm, that the chunin realized he'd grabbed the other man. "Sorry..." he said, pulling his hand away.

Kakashi turned back around but still didn't look at him. "Of being in a relationship."

"I never said... I didn't mean it that way," he said, the last half coming out in a rushed tumble of surprise. The conclusion the other had drawn explained why he was angry, but knowing didn't alleviate the anxiety like he'd hoped it would. Especially, since it wasn't that far from what he'd thought. He'd just figured that Kakashi wasn't interested in one, with anyone, let alone him. After all, if the famous, exceptionally good looking, copy-nin wanted a relationship, he could have anyone. And, Iruka just couldn't see the man wanting him. He couldn't honestly see anyone wanting him.

"Hn, I should go then."

"What did I say now?" Iruka wanted to slam his head against the nearest wall or, hell, the door; it was nice and solid. Here he was trying to at least salvage the tenuous friendship he'd worked for over a year now to develop with the stand offish man, only to somehow manage to make the situation worse.

"Nothing," Kakashi said, despite the fact that the lie was far less creative than they both knew he was capable of.

"Please, tell me what I said that has you so mad at me, because I only seem to be making it worse. And, I swear, that's not what I'm trying to do." The words spilled out before he could even think about them. He wasn't sure what else to say, and he rubbed at the scar on his nose embarrassed by his lack of composure. His agitation showed in the action, and he wished he didn't have such a telling habit; but, he couldn't stop even though he was aware of it.

Kakashi sighed again. "If you don't think I'm incapable of being in a relationship, then the only other conclusion I can draw is that you..." The words trailed off for a moment, and Iruka wondered if he would finish the thought. "...don't want to be in one with me." The copy-nin looked ready to run, and Iruka grabbed the man's pale wrist to keep him there. Kakashi looked up at him, surprised by the action.

"I didn't mean that either." He fixed the jounin with a look. "Come inside? I don't really want to talk out here, especially since you keep trying to leave before I can figure out how to apologize." Iruka released his grip and opened the door. He relaxed a little when Kakashi finally walked past him into the apartment.

Shutting the door behind him, Iruka moved to sit beside where the jounin had settled on the couch. "I don't know how things got so twisted up, exactly. All I meant, was that we shouldn't have slept together because we're friends. At least, I hope we are or, well, were. And, uhm..." Iruka took a deep breath. It was easier now that he wasn't worried Kakashi was going to take off, but his chest still felt tight.

"And?" The tone was a little harsh, and it made the chunin realize he'd paused a lot longer than he'd intended to. This was a lot harder than he'd expected, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Kakashi.

"And, the last time I let that happened I lost somebody important to me. I didn't want that to happen again, so I probably shouldn't have let it go... there," he said, finally having decided it was probably the only way he'd get Kakashi to understand why he'd been such a jerk. It'd been inadvertent in his attempt to let the jounin off the hook so that they could remain friends. The knot in his chest loosened but, instead of relief, there was pain.

"Mizuki?"

Iruka looked up, surprised that Kakashi had made the connection. After a moment, he looked away and nodded.

"I'm not him." There was a definite note of irritation, but the words were spoken quietly.

"I know." The way his voice shook over the two words made Iruka swallow in an attempt to steady them. He'd never told anyone about what had happened between him and Mizuki, not even Tsubaki. Talking about it almost felt like rubbing salt in the wound. "I'm sorry." He tried to focus on the words, finally able to meet Kakashi's gaze again.

Kakashi had his mask down, and Iruka had to force himself not to look away. The expression held traces of irritation but was otherwise soft. "Even if it had been a mistake, I don't just abandon a friendship over a mistake. Mizuki wasn't much of a man, if he did."

"He didn't..." Iruka's voice broke as the words called up memories he tried to forget. "I abandoned him. I couldn't look at him, it hurt too much." He'd found polite ways to distance himself from his best friends. Even becoming a teacher had been an attempt to separate himself. Not a very successful one, when Mizuki had taken a position at the academy as well. But, it had helped in that he could turn down invitations under the guise of grading papers or helping out at the mission desk.

Mizuki had laughed at how he'd become so 'dedicated and serious' since becoming a teacher. Iruka had let him think that. He had reinforced it by saying he was trying to be a good example to his students. For the most part, that had at least been true. It had helped to be able to immerse himself in the work.

"I wasn't there for him when he needed me." His voice was surprisingly calm, if shaky. He turned away as tears streamed down his face, but he didn't move to wipe them away. "I lost him, and it was my fault." The words draining him of his resolve not to break down entirely. "He tried to hurt Naruto, and I don't even understand why because I wasn't there when he needed me." Iruka broke down, his words becoming incoherent.

Arms wrapped around him as he buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Kakashi whispered against the top of Iruka's head as he pulled the chunin close.

After a few moments, Iruka managed to get himself under control. "It was my fault," he sniffed. "This wasn't how this was supposed to go. I just wanted to apologize, and instead, I break down."

Iruka laughed at the odd similarities in the situations, but the sound held no mirth. He hadn't wanted Kakashi to see him cry, and now, just like with Mizuki, he was the one being comforted.

"I shouldn't have left the way I did. I should have made you look at me, made you explain." The copy-nin sighed in resignation and tucked the hairs that had escaped the brunette's ponytail back behind his ear.

"I tried to keep it all from happening again. I tried not to push my feelings on you the way I did with him. I didn't want to lose you, too." His breath hitched, and a few tears trailed down his cheeks but managed to get the words out.

"Iruka, listen to me," Kakashi said as he rubbed the younger man's back gently. "We all make mistakes, we all fail the people we love sometimes, but in the end they still make the choices that decides their fate. It hurts to lose them, it always will. But..."

He pulled away and lifted the chunin's chin, forcing Iruka to look at him. His mouth was fixed into a slight frown. "That doesn't mean we don't deserve to be loved. It doesn't mean we should stop letting ourselves be loved. And, the only way for either of those to happen is to let others know how we feel. Even if it means we risk losing them."

Kakashi wiped a tear from Iruka's cheek with the back of his hand and shook his head. "Minato-sensei told me that after I lost Obito and then Rin. I think I forgot it after he died, though."

"At least, for a while." He smiled then, and Iruka felt his heart flutter softly, the relief that Kakashi was no longer angry at him settling in with that one action. "Stop worrying that you're going to lose me. Unless you tell me to leave, like you did, then I'm not going anywhere."

Iruka felt himself blush slightly, this time it wasn't from embarrassment. "Good," he said softly. The anxiety washed away, and he smiled at the realization that the man who'd become one of his most precious persons felt the same. Looking up at him, there wasn't a doubt in Iruka's mind about that now, and he wondered how he'd missed it before.

"I like it when you smile." Iruka's blush darkened when Kakashi closed the distance and planted a brief kiss on his still smiling lips. "And, I especially enjoy when you smile like that." Kakashi chuckled as he brushed Iruka's cheek with thumb. "Yep, definitely not going anywhere."

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