Teach Me To Love You

Title: Teach Me To Love You
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: KakashixIruka
Rating: M
Summary: Kakashi had never been anything else than what had been expected of him. And nobody had ever expected him to be human. So how could Iruka even want to be near him? How could he say he loved him?
Spoilers: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden and very slight ones for the events before the time-skip.
Status: Chapter 7 of 15(?)
Disclaimer: I do not own the anime/manga Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I
do not make any money from the writing of this story.


AN:
My job’s hell right now and I haven’t had a single free day since March. It’s a wonder I actually managed to write something, so please be patient with me if I’m not as fast as you and me want me to. I hope you like the chapter because I certainly do.
I apologise that it's taken even longer on this site. I didn't fit in the right kind of disclaimer and then didn't get it that the automatic disclaimer doesn't exist any longer, so the story was locked for some time. This chapter is a new one from the bedinning of September and I'm working on the next one. Sorry again.


Teach Me To Love You
by nayru-kleinefee


Chapter 7 – I’m so stupid.

“Are you sure?” Tsunade arched an eyebrow.

“Absolutely.” Kakashi did his best not to fidget.

“Nothing out of the ordinary happened between you, Iruka-sensei and Ebisu-sensei two days ago in the mission room?”

“Can’t think of anything.” It wasn’t really so very out of the ordinary for him to protect his boyfriend from somebody, was it? He was Iruka’s boyfriend, he was, yes, he was supposed to protect him.

“And nothing out of the ordinary happened to Ebisu-sensei’s apartment?”

“No idea.” And he was supposed to help his boyfriend wrack that bastard’s apartment, he really was. As his boyfriend he was supposed to help Iruka whenever he could.

“And to his right eye?”

“Don’t know anything.” And he was also supposed to make sure Ebisu couldn’t dare to look at Iruka ever again, he so was. Even if it only was by causing his eye to swell closed.

The Sannin sighed and shook her head. “Leave him alone now, will you? I don’t know why and I even don’t want to know, but he’s freaking out whenever he sees a dog.”

Yes, because Pakkun was supposed to help, too.

***** ***** *****

“And you’re sure that it’s supposed to go like this?”, Kakashi asked for about the hundredth time. But he had to be absolutely sure.

“Yes, believe me.” Raidou shook his head but grinned. “It’s like that.”

“Okay…”

*****

“Iruka?”

“M-hm?” The Chuunin didn’t look up from his grading.

“Wannagooutwithme?”, Kakashi murmured.

“I’m sorry?” Iruka took a new test.

“Want to go out with me?”, the Copy-nin tried again, slower this time.

“Go out?” Iruka looked up at him. “You mean, as in a date?”

“Yes?” He could feel a slight blush on his cheeks.

“Oh. Sure.” Iruka smiled. “Tonight?”

“Yes.” Kakashi smiled back. Good, this was at least going as planned.

“Alright.” The Chuunin went back to grading. “I’ll just finish these, then we can go if you want.”

“Okay.” Kakashi carefully took out the already crumpled piece of paper in his pocket and crossed out ‘1. Ask Iruka out’. That had been easy.

*****

“Where are you taking me?” Iruka stretched and sighed. “I’m starving.”

Kakashi jumped. “Erm… I… Wait a moment, okay?” He hastily ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, then took a look at his list.

‘2. Make him compliments’, it said.

Kakashi cringed. He’d forgotten that! Oh, and the last time he’d tried, it hadn’t really worked. Maybe he could skip that? Or was it important? Or not? He would just have to wait and see…

‘3. Take him out to ‘Le Ciel’, your table is reserved for 7:30 p.m.’, the list told him. And then the address. And then, ‘Don’t be late!’

Kakashi sighed in relief. Anko had told him that ‘Le Ciel’ was the newest, fanciest and most romantic restaurant in town, whatever that meant. And the most expensive, she’d said, but he had enough money to take Iruka there every evening for the next twelve years probably. Shinobi didn’t need much money.

“Kakashi?”, Iruka’s soft voice rang to him from the other side of the door. “Don’t you feel good?”

“I’m fine!” The Jounin hastily put back the list again and opened the door. “I’m taking you to ‘Le Ciel’”, he told his boyfriend.

“‘Le Ciel’?!”, Iruka gasped. “But… Kakashi, that’s too expensive!”

“But I want to take you there.” Kakashi nodded and in the last moment decided against saying, ‘the best is only barely good enough for you’. It would have been perfectly true, but it somehow sounded weird.

“Kakashi, you don’t have to. We can go for ramen or something.”

“But I want”, the Jounin insisted. “I’m taking you out and that’s why I can decide where we go.” He wasn’t entirely sure whether that was true, but he would just insist on it.

“But…” Iruka sighed, shook his head and finally smiled softly. “Alright, if you really want it. But in that case I need to change first.”

“Why?” Kakashi frowned.

Iruka laughed softly. “Kakashi, I don’t think they will let us wander into that kind of restaurant with our uniforms.”

“Not?” Kakashi frowned deeper. Why not?

“I’m afraid not.” Iruka smiled. “Shall I lend you something? I think you might fit into my clothes well enough to make you look presentable.”

*****

Kakashi didn’t like his new… outfit.

The black pants… well, they were okay, he could wear his kunai holsters on his calves without being noticed. And there was enough space around his waist for some small shuriken and senbon and an emergency first aid kit.

The shirt was kind of alright, too. It was loose enough for hiding a chest belt with more senbon and tight enough not to let him look as if he was hiding a chest belt with more senbon. But it was so thin and didn’t offer any protection against blows and blades like his vest, not even when he wore that black jacket over it. But he had to admit that the shirt’s colour was nice – a deep red, but not like blood, more like grape juice maybe.

“Ready to go?”

Kakashi turned around and took in the sight of his date. Iruka was wearing smooth, cream-coloured pants that hung loosely around his legs without looking baggy, and a shirt in the same colour. The clothes looked nice in contrast to his tanned skin, and around his waist he wore a long scarf or something that matched the colour of Kakashi’s shirt and hung down his left hip to his knee. And he wore his hair open.

“You look good”, Iruka said softly. “I’ve never looked so good in that shirt.”

“You have your hair open.” Kakashi walked over to him and took some strands. “I like how you look. And I like your clothes, too”, he added as an afterthought.

“Oh. Thank you.” Iruka smiled, blushing a little bit.

“Shall we go then?” Kakashi beamed at him. Hey, now he’d even done the compliment thing!

*****

“I think I will skip the starters”, Iruka said softly. “The main courses here sound so delicious, I can’t wait to taste one.”

“M-hm…” Kakashi looked from the window on his left to the kitchen door on his right to the door of the restaurant somewhere behind Iruka. He was just relieved that he had at least a wall at his back.

“I think I know what I’ll take.” From the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw Iruka smile up at the waitress.

“Yes, Sir?”, the woman asked eagerly.

Kakashi scowled. That was another thing bothering him. Not only that waitress but also two more and one waiter were always looking at Iruka. Always. He didn’t like that. Iruka was here with him and they didn’t have to look at him that often! Or ever! Or-

“I would like a new table”, Iruka said softly. “Somewhere in a corner and without a window near so my date can relax a little more.” His smile became even sweeter. “And then I would like salmon with cream spinach and chili noodles as main course, and white mousse au chocolat for dessert.”

“Very well, Sir”, the waitress told him with a smile that had frozen the moment the Chuunin had said the word ‘date’. “I will immediately look for a new table for you and then give your order to the kitchen. And for you, Sir?”, she asked Kakashi.

“Oh. I…” The Jounin looked down at the menu in his hands for the first time. “I’ll…” What should he choose? He didn’t even know half of the things there!

“What about a steak?” Iruka smiled at him and pointed at the menu in his hands. “Maybe this one here, with assorted mushrooms and rosemary potatoes? Oh, and look, they have apple pancakes for dessert.”

“Sounds good.” Kakashi smiled back. Trust Iruka to be considerate and help him. And… apple pancakes!

“Oh, and can we get just water to the food?”, Iruka asked the waitress. “We don’t drink alcohol.”

“Of course, Sir.” She nodded, took the menus and left. When she passed one of her colleagues, Kakashi’s ears could hear her growl, “They’re on a date.”

“Damn…” Her colleague sighed. “It’s always the hot ones.”

“Damn indeed.” The waitress went further towards the reception desk.

Iruka sniggered softly.

*****

“Wow, this was delicious”, Iruka sighed. “Yours too?”

“Yes.” Kakashi smiled at him. He felt so much better now, sitting at their new table with his back towards a corner and no window near. Granted, there was still the open room behind Iruka’s back, but with the guests all seated and eating and only the waiters moving around, it was easy to make out any danger. And in that case he would just grab Iruka’s ankles and drag him under the table and then defend him an-

“Would you like your desserts now?”, a young waiter asked and took away their empty plates.

“Yes, thank you”, Iruka answered while Kakashi only glared at the man who had somehow swapped places with the waitress from before and was now staring at Iruka, at his date Iruka all the time.

“Don’t be so grumpy”, the Chuunin laughed softly, reached over the table and took his hand gently. “You’ll get apple pancakes now.”

Kakashi couldn’t help but smile at that. “Okay…”

“Your desserts, Sirs.” The waiter placed a plate with a white, foamy mousse in front of Iruka and one with three small pancakes in front of Kakashi.

“They’re small”, the Copy-nin observed, frowning. “And what’s that white and red… stuff?”

“That’s powdered sugar and I guess that’s raspberry or maybe strawberry purée”, Iruka told him softly. “And I’m sure that they’ll be big enough, seeing how big your steak was.”

“Hrm.” Kakashi eyed his dessert more closely. Apple pancakes could never be big enough. “And what’s there in them?”

“Where?” Iruka craned his head. “Oh, that’s the apples. They’re in slices in the dough.”

“Why?” Kakashi frowned. “They’re never like that in your apple pancakes.”

“Because I grate the apples and mix them with the dough.” Iruka chuckled. “But there’s no rule that it has to be done like that.”

“Are you sure?” There probably should be.

“Just try them.” The Chuunin laughed softly. “I’m sure you’ll like them.”

“If you say so…” Still doubtful about those… rather suspicious things that pretended to be apple pancakes, Kakashi took his small probably-for-dessert fork and carefully separated a small piece of one of the pancakes, impaled it and eyed it closely.

“It won’t explode”, Iruka promised while he took a small spoonful of his mousse. “Mmmh…”, he sighed. “This is delicious…”

A little more convinced that the pancakes could indeed taste good, Kakashi quickly pulled down his mask, shoved the small piece into his mouth and pulled the mask up again, then started chewing carefully and-

“Blergh!” He jumped up from his chair, barely restrained himself from yanking down his mask and spitting that disgusting piece of food out and instead swallowed quickly.

“Kakashi!” Iruka stared at him wide-eyed, just as every other person in the restaurant. “What’s wrong?!”

“They’re disgusting!” Kakashi shook his head, wishing he could drink something to get the remaining taste out of his mouth.

“They can’t be.” Iruka reached out over the table, took the Jounin’s fork and used it to take another small piece of pancake.

“Don’t eat that!” Kakashi grabbed his wrist before the Chuunin could move the fork to his mouth. Iruka shouldn’t eat something like this!

“Sir.” An important-looking man they’d seen at the reception desk before came towards them. “Sir, please tell me what is wrong.”

“The pancakes!” Kakashi whirled around to glare at him. “They’re disgusting!”

“Kakashi.” Iruka gently took his hand. “They’re not. They taste very good.”

“You ate from them?!” The Jounin stared at his boyfriend. “You shouldn’t have!”

“But Kakashi.” Iruka tugged at his arm until the enraged Copy-nin sat down again. “Kakashi, there’s nothing wrong with them.”

“There is!”

“What is it then?”, Iruka sighed.

“They… they…” Kakashi growled. “The apples aren’t grated and there’s too much sugar in them and they’re not brown enough and they’re too firm and what’s with that powdered sugar and that raspberry mush anyway?” All grave sins against the wonderful thing that was apple pancakes.

“But that’s not making them disgusting”, Iruka sighed.

“It does.” Kakashi glared up at the receptionist still standing beside their table. “You should let Iruka show you how to make good apple pancakes”, he growled.

“Kakashi…” Iruka stared at him in what seemed to be disbelief.

“Because Iruka’s apple pancakes are best”, the Jounin continued to give the restaurant in general a piece of his mind. “Only he knows how to make them good.” He just knew that.

“Oh, Kakashi…” Iruka gently stroked over his hand. “I love you so much, you wonderful, sweet idiot.”

“Huh?” The Jounin turned towards him, absent-mindedly hearing something that sounded like an ‘Awww…’ in the restaurant.

“Kakashi.” Iruka smiled at him softly. “These pancakes aren’t bad, they’re just different from how I make them.”

“But they’re bad”, Kakashi insisted. “Yours are good. Only yours.”

“You only like them better. That doesn’t mean that other pancakes are bad.”

“It does for me…” Kakashi pouted a little. But only a little little.

“I know that.” Iruka leaned over the table and gave his masked lips a small kiss. “I love you.”

“What are they ‘awww’-ing at?”, Kakashi murmured when it happened again.

“At you.” Iruka chuckled, then turned to the receptionist still standing next to their table. “We’re terribly sorry for this. I’m sure Kakashi didn’t mean to make a scene, he’s just… very picky when it comes to apple pancakes.”

“Please don’t worry about this.” The man shook his head. “But I guess we have to tell the kitchen to grate the apples from now on. If this… incident becomes known, many guests will want ‘Iruka’s pancakes’.” He smiled.

“But they won’t get them”, Kakashi grumped. “Iruka makes them only for me.” And again an collective ‘Awww…’ What was wrong with those people?

“We can at least try to be almost as good as you, Iruka-san.” The receptionist winked at the Chuunin. “To be honest, I prefer the apples grated, too.”

“Ha, there you see it.” Kakashi pouted. “And what’s with all that ‘Awww…’?!”

*****

“Thank you very much for taking me out. I had a wonderful time tonight”, Iruka whispered softly when they arrived in front of the Chuunin’s apartment door.

“Even with me misbehaving at the restaurant?”, Kakashi asked doubtfully.

“Are you kidding?” Iruka laughed. “That was best. And now everybody will hear that my boyfriend took me out to the best restaurant in town and even that I make the best apple pancakes ever.”

“But only for me…” Kakashi pouted.

“Only for you.” Iruka opened his arms and embraced him. “You may kiss me goodnight now.”

“Outside?” The Jounin frowned. “Why not inside?” He knew that Iruka liked being kissed goodnight right before he went to sleep. And that was nice. It was always kiss-sigh-smile-cuddling. Nice.

“Oh, but normally, after a date the person who’s asked the other person out takes them home, then kisses them goodnight and then goes to their own apartment.” Iruka smirked at him.

“They leave?!”, Kakashi gasped, let go of the Chuunin and hastily took out his list. “Do I have to leave?! I don’t want to leave. Nobody told me I had to leave.” Wait… wait… asking out, then compliments, then taking to the restaurant, ordering, chatting, eating, drinking, walking home, kissi-

“You don’t really have a list there, do you?”, Iruka sighed softly and took it away. “Oh, please, you’ve got to be kidding me, Copy-nin.”

“I… but I…” Unsure what to do, Kakashi started fidgeting on his place. “Do I have to leave?”, he asked softly.

“You forgot to make me compliments before we left…” Iruka eyed the list.

“I told you that you look good.” Kakashi bit his lower lip. “And you do…”

“Thank you.” Iruka shook his head. “I guess I should have expected this… Did Genma, Anko and Raidou tell you what to do?”

“Yes?”

“Didn’t they tell you what usually comes after the kiss?”

“No?”

“Did you really think that those three are the best persons to give you dating advice?”

“I… Yes?” He hadn’t wanted to ask Gai once again, really.

“Did you- Ah, whatever.” Iruka laughed softly, shook his head and carefully put the list into one of his pockets. “I’ll frame this and hang it up in my bedroom, that’s for sure. Kiss me now?”

“Do I have to leave if I do it?”, Kakashi asked carefully.

“And ruin this perfect date?” Iruka laughed again. “You can kiss me goodnight now, then come inside and kiss me goodnight once again.”

“And I can stay?” Kakashi embraced his boyfriend.

“I want you to stay”, Iruka whispered. “And I want to make apple pancakes for your breakfast tomorrow.”

Kakashi immediately kissed him. Hey, dates weren’t that bad, really…

***** ***** *****

“I heard about your… date yesterday.” Genma grinned like a lunatic. “Did you get a kiss despite being an idiot?”

“M-hm…” Kakashi nodded absent-mindedly, his uncovered eye fixated on Iruka teaching his children how to throw kunai on the schoolyard. He knew that the Chuunin was perfectly able to evade and dodge every single one of them, but… Well, just in case.

“How…” Raidou appeared beside the Copy-nin. “Did really somebody at the restaurant notice that you are… a couple?”, he asked slowly.

“Everybody.” Kakashi smiled softly. “Iruka said that he loves me in front of everybody and then he kissed me.” And that infuriating waiter had stopped staring at him then, ha!

“He really did?”, Raidou breathed and Kakashi could feel Genma freeze beside him. “How did they react?”

“They ‘awww’-ed.” The Copy-nin frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean anyway?”

“They ‘awww’-ed?”, Raidou whispered.

“M-hm.” Hm? Now Genma was suddenly slumping against a tree and sighing? What was going on?

“Oh.” Raidou bit his lower lip. “And… the food?”

“Don’t eat the apple pancakes.”

Genma laughed softly. “Hey, Rai. Wanna go out with me?”

“I…” Raidou fidgeted. “M… maybe…”

“Will you say that you love me in front of everybody, too?” Genma grinned.

“Genma!” Raidou blushed deepest crimson. “You’re such a jerk!”

“That’s almost just as good.” The Special Jounin laughed.

“Don’t eat the apple pancakes”, Kakashi reminded them, then almost bolted when a kunai came rather close to Iruka’s arm. But the Chuunin dodged it gracefully in the last moment. Phew…

“-aste them?”

“Hm?” Kakashi blinked. “What did you say?”

Genma sighed heavily. “I asked whether you would share Iruka’s pancakes with us to let us taste the-”

“No!” Kakashi whipped his head around to glare at him. “Mine!”

“Just asking!”, Genma squeaked hastily.

“Don’t ask again”, Kakashi growled and looked back at Iruka. His Iruka. And his his Iruka’s apple pancakes.

***** ***** *****

“Oh.” Iruka frowned down at the scroll in his hands. “This is… unexpected.”

“Hm?” Kakashi looked up at him.

“I have a mission”, the Chuunin told him.

Kakashi immediately felt his muscles tense. “A mission?”

“M-hm.” Iruka shrugged. “C-rank. Have to take an exchange student back to her hometown.”

“Why you?” The Jounin did his best to keep his voice calm.

“She’s been in my class.” Iruka sighed. “And she’s a little… clingy, sort of. Tsunade thinks it’s better not to let a stranger take her home.”

“I didn’t know you do missions.” He’d thought that Iruka would stay in the village. Always. Safe and sound in the village.

“I normally don’t, at least not outside the holidays.” Iruka shrugged. “But this shouldn’t be difficult. It’s only a week, maybe eight days, and it’s only a C.”

“I don’t like that”, Kakashi murmured.

“Hey”, Iruka growled. “Do you think I can’t do a C?”

“No!” Kakashi hastily shook his head. “I just… I just don’t want you to leave the village.” He bit his lower lip under his mask. “Leave me…”

“Kakashi…” Iruka sighed. “Don’t worry, okay? I’ll be back before you even miss me.”

Somehow, he highly doubted that.

*****

“Okay, that’s it!” Tsunade growled. “You’ll get a mission now!”

“But I-”

“You’re driving me nuts, Hatake! Do you have to come into my office and ask whether there’s any news of Iruka-sensei every freaking hour? He’s been gone for less than half a day!”

“But I-”

“Mission!” The Sannin threw a scroll at him. “There. Six days at least. And there.” Another scroll. “Four days. Iruka-sensei will be back until then!”

“But I… Okay…”

***** ***** *****

“Iruka?” Kakashi frowned. “Iruka?” But again no answer. But it was Sunday. And Iruka should be back from his mission already. And in his apartment then. And he’d so been looking forward to seeing him. And-

The Jounin felt his whole body tense when his senses picked up something that wasn’t supposed to be there. Immediately, he formed the signs for a summoning jutsu.

“Tell me who’s been here”, he ordered briskly.

“Why, hello to you, too, boss”, Pakkun grumped. “How’s your boyfr-”

“Tell me who’s been here!”, Kakashi half-shouted. “In the last week.”

“Alright, alright.” Pakkun closed his eyes and sniffed. “Your feisty boyfriend hasn’t been here for at least… ten, eleven days, I’d say.” He sniffed again. “Your alpha-woman’s been here, that Tsunade. Yesterday, I’d say, or the day before.”

Kakashi was running towards the Hokage Tower faster than ever.

*****

He caught Shizune completely by surprise when he jumped through the window of the Hokage’s office, making her jump, yelp and drop all the papers she had been carrying except one.

“Where’s Tsunade?!”, he demanded. “Where’s Iruka?!”

“Ka… Kakashi-san”, the assistant stammered, eyes wide open.

“Where’s Iruka?!”, the Copy-nin yelled.

“He… he…” Shizune’s eyes darted to the sheets of paper on the floor.

Kakashi followed her gaze, noticed his boyfriend’s name on one of it and grabbed it immediately, recognising it as an ANBU report. His body felt ice-cold suddenly.

‘We (Konoha ANBU Squad 8 – Hawk, Rat, Cat and Hare) found Konoha Chuunin Umino Iruka on our way back from a classified mission, about four days out of Konoha at civilian speed’, the report read. ‘He was hiding out in some bushes with the civilian Hana Ciara, nine years old. Umino had his body curled around the girl, shielding her. She was unharmed but showed signs of a shock. Umino was bleeding heavily from a wound in his chest and several others. He was unconscious, therefore not able to mask his chakra, which is the reason why we were able to find him. Hana Ciara informed us that they had been attacked one day ago while on their way to her hometown. Umino had managed to dispose of the attackers – she couldn’t say whether it had been three or four but could remember them wearing hitai-ate of missing nin of Mist – but got injured severely. The corpses should be lying somewhere in the forest still. Hana Ciara informed us that Umino had suffered from fever, sudden occurring phases of blindness, numbness of limbs and nausea ever since being injured. Therefore it is likely that he got poisoned. Antidotes for the mostly used poisons were given but the exact kind of poison was unknown. Umino was in overall critical condition. Hawk and Rat took him back to Konoha while Cat and Hare were sent to bring Hana Ciara to her hometown safel-’

The paper slipped from Kakashi’s trembling fingers right before his legs gave in under him and he crashed to the floor. Suddenly unable to breathe, he felt his whole body shake and shudder.

“Kakashi-san…” Shizune’s voice sounded to him as if through cloth.

“Iruka…”, he choked out, pain wracking his body from within. “Iruka…” Iruka had left him. Like everybody else always had. Iruka was gone. He would never again feel him be gentle, never again see him smile, never aga-

“He’s in the hospital, Kakashi-san”, Shizune told him softly. “Tsunade-sama was able to save his life.”

“Iruka…” Kakashi blinked and lifted his head weakly. “He’s… alive?”

“Yes, Kakashi-san.” The young medic smiled softly. “He’s in the hospital and Tsunade-sama is taking care of him. His condition is stable.”

If he had run before, Kakashi was flying now.

*****

“Where is he?”, Kakashi demanded the moment he entered the hospital and saw Tsunade stand in the hall.

“Kakashi, calm down. He’s-”

“Where is he?!”

“Kakashi, you need to calm down before I let you see him”, Tsunade said sternly. “He’s in no condition to endure stress.”

“But I need to see him”, Kakashi insisted, feeling his body tremble. “I need… I…” He needed to make sure that Iruka was alive. He needed to see it with his own eyes, needed to hear the Chuunin’s heart beat and to feel the warmth of his skin. He needed Iruka.

“I know that.” Tsunade sighed and smiled sympathetically. “I will take you to see him. But you have to promise not to upset him.”

“I won’t”, Kakashi whispered. “Please. I need to see him.”

“Room 214. I will-”

Kakashi didn’t hear more of what the Sannin said. He just ran towards the staircases, taking two stairs at a time, then down a hallway until he finally stood in front of the door separating him from Iruka. He grabbed the doorknob, twisted it and yanked the door open before he hurried into the room. When he saw Iruka lie on the only bed in the small room, he froze completely on the spot.

The Chuunin was pale under the white blanket that covered his body up to his shoulders, and there were bandages visible on his chest and neck and small cuts on his forehead and cheeks. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be sleeping, his gentle face marred with a frown and his hands clenching and unclenching slowly.

Kakashi fell to his knees in relief at seeing Iruka alive and breathing. He could feel his whole body shake violently and heard his breath come in harsh, painful gasps. But it didn’t matter, nothing did matter, because Iruka was still with him, because he wouldn’t be alone again. And that was all that mattered.

After what felt like an eternity, Kakashi found the strength to get up from the floor again, closed the door softly and approached the bed. He carefully avoided any sound when he dragged a chair closer to the bed and sat down, then he just looked at Iruka. The Chuunin’s chest rose and fell in a regular motion and his breathing was even. But there was still the frown on his face as if he was having a nightmare.

“Iruka”, Kakashi whispered softly and carefully took one of the Chuunin’s hands, not wanting to wake but needing to feel him. “Everything’s fine. I’m with you now.”

The frown didn’t disappear, but Iruka closed his fingers around the Copy-nin’s in his sleep.

“Everything’s fine”, Kakashi repeated softly. “I will protect you now, I promise, Iruka.” He leaned forward and placed a featherlike kiss on the Chuunin’s lips, just like Iruka had done with him when they had said goodbye. “I’m here, Iruka.”

“Mmmh… Ka… shi?”, Iruka whispered without opening his eyes.

“I’m here. Don’t worry and go back to sleep.”

“The… girl…”

“She’s fine, don’t worry, Iruka.” Kakashi kissed him once again. “You protected her.”

“Good… Ka… kashi…” Finally the frown vanished and the Chuunin smiled softly.

“Iruka”, Kakashi whispered back, swallowing hard. Iruka was alright, he was alive and safe now. But suddenly a realisation came and almost suffocated him. How close it had been, how close he had been to losing Iruka. To being alone again. To never being able to become human and love Iruka. To never achieving what he wanted more than anything else.

“I… I was so afraid”, he whispered. “When I found out that you were injured. I felt so cold, Iruka, I was so afraid that I could lose you.”

“Me too…”

“Don’t ever leave me”, Kakashi pleaded desperately although he knew that Iruka couldn’t give him that promise.

“Never willingly.” Iruka tried to open his eyes, his eyelids fluttering.

“Don’t overstrain yourself”, Kakashi whispered.

“Want to… see you…” Iruka smiled. “Always want that…”

Kakashi swallowed again, his uncovered eye fixated on the Chuunin’s. He also wanted to look at Iruka, just look at him. And he wanted to hold his hand like he did now for as long as he was allowed to, and feel his warmth and smell the scent of his skin. He wanted to have Iruka by his side forever, wanted to have the Chuunin close to him and all to himself. He would never let go of Iruka ever again, would never allow anybody to hurt him again, to touch him, to speak to him or to look at him. He knew he was being ridiculous to want that, that it wasn’t possible to this amount, but right now Iruka was his, only his, and so he couldn’t care less about such trivial things as impossibility.

He carefully tightened his grip on Iruka’s hand and felt his heartbeat speed up when the Chuunin’s eyes finally opened slowly. He longed to see those gentle, caring eyes look at him, only at him, with all the love that he needed to see.

“Kakashi…”, Iruka whispered when his still hazy eyes had opened and were slowly focusing on the Jounin. “Kakashi, I-” He broke off suddenly and his eyes opened wide.

“Iruka”, Kakashi gasped. “Are you in pain? Do your wounds hurt?”

“You… you…” The Chuunin’s eyes widened even more. “Do you…”

“What did I do?”, Kakashi asked, almost panicking, and immediately let go of his hand. “Did I grip too hard? Did I hurt you?”

“Kakashi… Kakashi, you…”

“Please”, the Jounin pleaded desperately. “Please tell me what I did. I’m so sorry, Iruka. Please, I don’t know what I did wrong. Iruka, please, tell me.”

“Tell… you?” The Chuunin looked at him for a moment longer, then sighed softly and smiled. “You didn’t do anything wrong”, he whispered.

“But what happened to you? Did I hurt you?”

“Kakashi, you… you didn’t do anything wrong. My… my wound hurt.”

“Oh. I will call Tsunade-sama and tell her.”

“No.” Iruka slowly lifted his hand, his face showing how much it strained him to do it, and placed it on the Jounin’s. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Iruka slowly closed his eyes. “Just stay here…”

“I won’t go anywhere”, Kakashi promised, feeling as if the lack of Iruka’s gentle eyes on him was taking away his warmth. He carefully tightened his hold on the Chuunin’s hand, but it wasn’t enough.

“Stay…”, Iruka whispered softly.

“I will.” Kakashi leaned his face forward to the Chuunin’s, desperate to feel more of his warmth. But it wasn’t enough still, wasn’t enough just to look at him and hold his hand. He needed more, more of Iruka, more of his warmth.

Very slowly, Kakashi leaned forward even more and placed a soft kiss on the Chuunin’s lips. But it still wasn’t enough.

“Mmh…”, Iruka sighed.

It still wasn’t enough to satisfy the craving he felt inside himself. He needed to feel more of Iruka, so much more, but he couldn’t. Iruka’s whole body was covered, there were only his hands and his face, and still it wasn’t enough to touch them. Kakashi needed to feel more.

And so, although his hands were trembling and his heart was pounding, he slowly pulled down his mask and pressed his lips on Iruka’s.

Kakashi’s eyes widened. This… this was… Kissing Iruka without his mask hindering the contact was better than anything he had ever felt. It was warm and soft and felt so alive and… perfect. And he could feel his lips, sensitive from being covered most of the time, tingle and prickle when they touched Iruka’s.

“Kakashi…”, he heard the Chuunin breathe out when he broke the contact to disbelievingly touch his lips with his fingertips. “Kakash-”

Kakashi silenced him with another kiss, not able to resist when he saw Iruka’s lips purse while they formed the last syllable of his name. And again it was perfect and wonderful and warm-soft-alive-alive-alive, and he yearned for more, so, so much more.

“Iruka”, he whispered against the Chuunin’s lips, “Iruka, Iruka, Iruka.”

“Kakashi”, Iruka whispered back, his breath ghosting over the Copy-nin’s face like the softest of caresses.

“I’m so stupid”, Kakashi murmured. “So stupid. Why didn’t I do this sooner?”

Iruka smiled against his lips. “Now’s perfect. Kakashi?”

“M-hm?” He kissed him once again. Perfect.

“If I opened my eyes now… would I see your mask?” Iruka’s voice was low and gentle, just asking, not demanding.

“Oh. I…” Kakashi closed his eyes. “Probably”, he whispered. Kissing Iruka was one thing, was good and warm and… and everything he wanted now, but being looked at… Being looked at would mean to show Iruka his failures, his shame and his guilt. He didn’t think he could do that.

“Okay.” Iruka smiled again, Kakashi could feel it on his lips. “And if I kept my eyes closed, would you kiss me again?”

“Yes. I want that.” Kakashi opened his eyes and saw that the Chuunin’s were still closed, and the trust Iruka showed with this made him feel so warm that it made his head spin.

“’s good.” Iruka’s smile got softer and he yawned. “Don’t think I could really open them anyway…”

“Thank you”, Kakashi whispered and kissed him until he could hear his breathing change to the low, steady rhythm of a sleeping.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

tbc

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Nayru