Hunger

Disclaimer: 'Naruto' belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.
Warnings: yaoi, INCEST, NON-CONSENSUAL, INSANITY, slashing, AU.
Pairings: At first KankuroxGaara but eventually GaaraxNaruto.
Note: Thoughts are in italics.

A/N: There's a non-consensual scene in this chapter and some people might not want to read it. If you feel you don't want to read that part, please skip it because I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I've marked that part between 'XXX's so that you know what part to skip.

Sorry this chapter is so damned long but I've planned a structure for this story, which defines the content of the chapters. That's why I couldn't shorten this chapter.

Chapter 7: Insanity

It was Friday afternoon and Gaara was in the café Kankuro worked in. He was sitting at the table near the cash desk, waiting for his brother's shift to end.

Two weeks had passed since he and Naruto had been to the observation tower. Because of the exams in math, biology and history, they hadn't spent so much time together this week. At some point Gaara had tried to help Naruto prep for the history exam but the blond had clearly lacked the concentration. He had caught Naruto staring at him several times, and when caught, the blond had turned his gaze away, as if embarrased. The boy's lack of interest in studying had annoyed Gaara who had snapped and left home. After that, they hadn't studied together anymore. Now the tests were over, and Gaara had promised to visit Naruto later this evening.

Lately it had been so peaceful at home, too. When not at work, Kankuro had been distant, spending a lot of time in his own room. Now with Naruto keeping him company and his brother oddly uninterested in him, Gaara almost gave into the alluring illusion that his life was normal. It had certainly felt so for the past two weeks. He didn't want to fool himself into believing that things had changed but it was hard not to give into the slight hope that for once, he and Kankuro would be like normal brothers.

Now Gaara was absentmindedly looking at Kankuro serving the customers. His peace was interrupted when a ponytailed, blond man sat next to him.

"Hey there. How do you do?" the man asked.

Arching a non-existent eyebrow, Gaara looked at the man who seemed to be near his thirties. He had never seen him before. "Do I know you?" he finally asked in a monotonous voice, a bit unnerved.

"Now you do. My name is Deidara, what's yours?" the man answered openly, as if they had known each other for a lifetime.

Gaara glanced at the cash desk again but this time Kankuro was nowhere to be seen. Instead, another staffler was serving the customers. He looked back at the man again, unsure what to do.

"It's none of your business. What do you want from me?" Gaara snapped coldly. He didn't let the stranger intimidate him. The man's gaze went up and down the redhead's body before his mouth widened into a lecherous grin.

"Fierce, are you? Hmm... I like that. I guess we would get along very well," the blond haired man said teasingly. He was leaning a bit closer to the redhead, putting his other hand to the back of Gaara's chair.

"I'm not interested in your company," Gaara told the stranger, his jade eyes narrowing a fraction. He glanced around again in hopes of seeing Kankuro. The brunette, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"You would make an excellent model, you know... Just for me of course. I have a nice place a couple of blocks down here. So what do you say?" the man said, winking at Gaara. He put his hand on Gaara's shoulder, rubbing it, while staring into the jade eyes like a predator. Before Gaara had a chance to slap the man's hand away and probably inflict some physical hurt onto the stalker, they were interrupted.

"Leave him alone," came an angry voice.

A livid Kankuro was standing next to the table. He was looking daggers at the blond man, hands clenching into fists. The man turned to look at the annoyed brunette, amusement clearly written all over his face.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know he was taken," he then said, taking his hand off.

"He's not taken, he's my brother!" Kankuro said, his voice rising a bit. He had had enough of this particular man already. He wasn't going to let the man lay his filthy hands on Gaara.

"Well, then you won't mind if I have a little... chat with your brother," the ponytailed man replied with a smirk.

"I told you to leave him alone," Kankuro growled. "Come on Gaara, let's go," he then added, looking at the cautious redhead.

Gaara gave the man an icy stare before standing up and walking to his brother. Before they were able to leave the blond man called out to Gaara, "Think over my proposal, will you?" The man glanced over the redhead's body one last time before the brothers vanished from his sight.

"God that man's disgusting!" Kankuro huffed outside. He was feeling almost nauseous at the thought of the man having his way with Gaara. "What did he say to you? Did he hurt you?" he then asked in a concerned voice.

"He was interested in me and wanted me to go with him," Gaara replied, equally annoyed. He was sure that he would've been able to handle the man without help but a little part of him was grateful that Kankuro had appeared. He hadn't liked the primitive look in the stranger's eyes.

"That makes me sick. People like that shouldn't be allowed to roam around so freely," Kankuro said, annoyed. "The guy's been hanging around in the café every now and then, trying to hit on teens just like you."

"Can't you do anything?" Gaara asked, looking at his brother.

"Well, we called the police once but they just said they can't do anything if there's no proof that the man has actually done something," Kankuro said, meeting the jade eyes.

His anger was already subsiding. He had been so shocked when he had noticed the man was sitting next to Gaara. The brunette let out a deep sigh. Everything was alright now. Still, if anything ever happened to Gaara, he would never forgive himself. He had, after all, promised that he'd always protect him.

One thing was proven again, Kankuro decided. Without his continuous presence Gaara would fall into the hands of perverts in no time.

That blond friend of Gaara's, that Naruto guy, seemed to be reliable though. Kankuro could trust the boy because when he had met him, the blue eyes had reflected nothing but kindness and honesty. It would be safe to let Gaara hang around with the blond, as long as the redhead kept in mind Kankuro needed his attention, too.

-----

"I'm going to Naruto's," Gaara yelled. Kankuro was locked in his own room, again, giving no reply. Everything was quiet in an almost eerie way. When Gaara got no reply or any sign that his brother had even heard him, he closed the front door.

He had learned to be a bit more relaxed in Naruto's presence than before but he still kept most of the things to himself. He couldn't fully trust the other boy yet, no matter that he now considered them as friends. He walked briskly the couple of hundred yards that were between his and Naruto's houses. At his friend's door, he stopped for a moment.

What if Naruto had his other friends over? It would be embarrasing to barge in. Hesitating, he peeked inside through the kitchen window. The lights were off and he saw no movement. Ringing the door bell, he hoped Naruto would be alone.

After a moment, the front door opened.

"Gaara?" Naruto asked happily, opening the door wider. "Come in."

The redhead entered the house, into the darkened hallway. From the living room shone a soft, vivid light. The blond had lit the fireplace again. A warmness spread over Gaara as the heat emitting from burning firewood crawled up his skin, welcoming him to the homey house.

"Do you want some tea?" Naruto asked. His heart was fluttering from happiness and he had to do his everything not to hug the redhead. He was so glad to have company, not to mention Gaara's company.

Earlier that day, he and Kiba had had a fight again which had resulted to the brown haired boy spending the rest of the day in Sasuke's company, leaving Naruto alone. Kiba's stubborness and weird behavior lately had been bugging Naruto, who couldn't understand what the brunette's problem was. He and Kiba had been best friends, sort of, before the brunette had started to speak badly of Gaara, telling Naruto that the redhead was not good company. But now, when Gaara was around again, the sad thoughts about his friendship breaking down with Kiba were dissolving.

"Yes," Gaara replied, following Naruto to the kitchen.

He looked as Naruto busied himself with the preparation of tea. It was nice to look at him, the way he brewed the tea and moved. The orange colour really suited him, Gaara decided. He didn't hate the colour anymore like he had at the beginning. Now that he really looked at Naruto, he could see how the blond hair of his reflected light in a very beautiful way. The hair shone in a way that wasn't easy to capture in a painting - it was like glowing in the dim kitchen. Why hadn't he noticed that before? Naruto would be an interesting model to paint. Maybe he should ask him about it.

His gaze lingered on the blond without him realizing it. The whisker shaped scars on Naruto's cheeks were weird. Where had he gotten them? Would his skin be smooth or would the scars stand out if traced with a fingertip? Would—

"Here you are."

Gaara's focus was back in a second as a steaming cup of black tea was brought in front of him. The warm blue orbs of Naruto were smiling at him but he himself couldn't reply in a way like that, he didn't know how.

"Thanks."

They went to the living room and sat down onto the couch. Gaara let the fire capture his gaze as he sipped his tea. For him, it was entertaining to watch the playful flames. Now that he thought about it, Naruto was a bit like a flame: shining, warm and vivid. Gaara was actually feeling good at the moment. It had been peaceful at home lately and in the blond's company, the bad memories that normally went around in his mind, were slowly disappearing. He looked at the boy next to him, paying attention to how the vivid light played with the blond locks. The sight was artistic, making him want to paint the unique view. Then his gaze lowered to the scars again, and he remembered his earlier thoughts about them.

Naruto looked at Gaara from the corner of his eye. The studying gaze he had received just moments ago had been a bit unnerving. Gaara had been very quiet the whole time, and Naruto couldn't help but wonder if everything was alright. The redhead looked pensive, more pensive than usual, that is.

"I'm glad you stopped by," Naruto spoke. He had already finished his tea and because he had nothing else to do, he finally started a conversation.

The jade eyes turned to look at the blond again. Gaara drank the last of his tea and then said, "It's nice being in here. So peaceful." Unlike the time he'd stayed the overnight in here, now he was more confident about telling how much he enjoyed the atmosphere.

"Yeah, I guess you're that kind of guy who likes silence and stuff," the blond said, smiling.

Gaara nodded and put the empty tea cup onto the table. He pondered a moment, looking into the fire before turning his attention back to the blond again.

"Naruto... How did you get your scars?" Gaara asked, moving closer to examine the marks.

Naruto tensed as the redhead inched nearer. Was it getting hotter in the room or was it just him? His breath caught in his throat as cold fingers suddenly traced the old scars. Gaara was touching him! And in a friendly way at that! It took him a moment to register he'd been asked a question. After he realized what the question was his feelings sank, fading away from the dreamy state he was in.

"I... I don't really remember it," he stuttered quickly. The truth was, he didn't want to go back to that particular memory, not now when Gaara was caressing his cheek.

"Oh... I see," Gaara said. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to ask about the scars.

He was about to take his hand back when Naruto took a hold of his wrist, preventing him. Gaara frowned and his eyes narrowed a fraction, coldness creeping into the jade orbs. He didn't like to be restrained like this.

Before Gaara had a chance to say anything, Naruto placed the pale hand back to his scarred cheek and mumbled quietly, "Please... It felt good... Always... alone."

The frown on Gaara's face disappeared as he heard the words. Maybe Naruto was the same as him? Gaara had been alone, too, out of the reach of anyone's touches. Kankuro had been the first person to show him affection. It had been weird and it still was but this touch didn't feel weird or wrong, Naruto didn't feel wrong. Maybe it was because they were friends and not related to each other.

A tanned hand touched the pale cheek. At that, Gaara flinched and took his hand back, not touching the scars anymore. He gave the blond a studying look as if searching for any signs of danger or ulterior motives. The blue pools didn't reflect anything but kindness and trustworthiness, however, and so Gaara decided it wouldn't hurt to be like this, even though he didn't let his guard down for a second.

Naruto rubbed the cool skin as he looked at the object of his secret dreams. He wondered what had changed Gaara's demeanour and provoked the redhead to touch him. Gaara was so close... Naruto's heart pounded a little harder at that. He moved his hand to the red hair and smoothed them, not minding that Gaara tensed and even raised his hand instinctively a bit. The red locks were as soft as they looked like. The jade eyes were boring into him as Gaara sat stock-still, obviously measuring the situation. Maybe the redhead didn't know how to act? Was this all really so new to him? With an impulse, Naruto pulled Gaara into an embrace.

In a second, Gaara's hands were on Naruto's shoulders, pushing the boy away. The blond didn't mind about that, though, but kept his hands behind the redhead's back, not letting go.

"Naruto..." Gaara growled, not sure if he should be alarmed or not.

"Don't you like this?" Naruto asked, not loosening his hold but pulling Gaara closer, not caring that the said boy tensed even more. For now it was safe not to let go because no violent vibes were radiating from the redhead, at least not yet.

At the words, Gaara fell silent and lost a bit of his tenseness. It wasn't that he found the gesture repulsive, it was that he hadn't expected it. He could feel the blond's steady heartbeat and at that moment, it felt actually nice being in his friend's arms. But he couldn't develop too much liking into things like these. He didn't want his faint feelings of liking and safety to grow any stronger than they already were. He couldn't get attached to the blond too much, it would only complicate things and safety was a luxury he couldn't afford himself to lull into.

"I see you haven't hugged too often," Naruto said in an amused voice as he pulled out from the one-sided hug. He had to pull away when he still could - the longer the redhead was in his arms, the quicker his own suppressed desires ate his reasonable thinking away.

"Who asked you to hug me in the first place?" the redhead asked, not noticing the rudeness in his voice. Those words were the first thing coming into his mind after the confusion of first being hugged and then, finding the gesture rather nice.

"No one, I just felt like doing it," the blond replied, ignoring the cold edge in Gaara's comment.

At first Gaara felt like saying something unfriendly back like usual but stopped as he remembered the decision he had made. He had decided to reach out to Naruto, not to verbally slap him in the face. Like before, Naruto had reached out to him, giving him back the feeling of safety when he had let him into his home, offering him tea. The blond had even hugged him the way he had never been hugged before. It had felt kind and genuine without any threat of violence or abuse. Gaara felt a sting of remorse as he realized he hadn't responded the same way but resorted to his customary indifferent way of dealing with people. But the truth was, he didn't quite know how to act friendly.

Gaara sighed and got off from the couch, ready to head home. He didn't know what to do so it was better to leave.

"Where are you going? Don't you want to stay?" Naruto asked, clearly confused.

"It's better if I go," the redhead replied quietly. He wasn't good with words, either. It would be impossible to repay Naruto his kindness if he didn't know how to show it. Maybe he had thought too highly of his own abilities and social skills when he had decided to approach Naruto. He had tried to reach out to his friend in the observation tower but even there, it had been Naruto who had strenghtened the bond between them.

"But why? Is it because of the hug? Look, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something," Naruto spoke, alarmed. He didn't want Gaara to leave so quickly.

"It's not because of the hug," Gaara started, then continued in a quiet voice, "I... I enjoyed it."

For a moment, Naruto forgot how to breathe. He became so happy and confident that he almost hugged his friend again. "Really? Then why are you leaving? Wouldn't you like to stay? I mean, I like being around you, I really do," the blond said.

Gaara glanced at the other boy, pondering his options. He sat back down onto the couch next to Naruto, a bit closer this time than before. "I like to be around you, too. It's different than being home," the redhead finally opened up, careful at not revealing too much. At first he had meant to say he felt nicer in here but it would've given the impression that there was something unpleasant at his home.

Naruto thought briefly of the creepy house his friend inhabited. Gaara had a point in that. "I'm glad you like it here but when I'm alone, it's not so homey anymore. It's only sad," he confessed, sounding a bit too sad himself. "You can come here anytime you want," Naruto then added happily, a wide smile once again gracing his lips.

The redhead's lips curved slightly at the sight. Naruto's cheerfulness was an enigma to him. "Thanks."

"No problem," the blond replied, still smiling. After a brief moment of hesitation, he wrapped his arm around Gaara, pulling him close. The redhead had claimed to enjoy this, hadn't he? It wouldn't be too obvious to hold him close again, would it?

"Um, is this okay to you?" the blond asked, wanting a reassurance.

"Yes," the quiet redhead answered. He usually didn't let other people than his brother touch him but Naruto was now an exception. Naruto probably wouldn't try to use or hurt him physically. He liked to be held tenderly but with Kankuro it always had an undercurrent of sexuality. With Naruto, he only let himself feel cozyness.

When the blond had hugged him for the first time, he had been a bit alarmed about the boy's motives. He had calmed himself soon, though, reminding himself that it was only a hug, not a hidden attempt to get advantage of him. Gaara rested his head onto Naruto's shoulder and tried to relax. It wasn't so bad leaning against the blond like this. Naruto's breathing was calm and somehow lulling. He closed his eyes, enjoying the peace he now had. He didn't want to go home yet.

Naruto yawned. The warm cup of tea and a couple of badly slept nights were tiring him. When he was alone, getting into sleep was often difficult because he had to keep his guard up on some level. Now that Gaara was near him, he felt eased. It really did make a big difference when there was someone around. Being alone was boring and sometimes, when the wind howled outside or the thunder roared, even scary. But now there was nothing scary, there was only Gaara, the warmness and the relaxing sense that everything was alright.

It didn't take long before Naruto dozed off. This was the first time Gaara saw the energetic blond this quiet and peaceful. He carefully guided Naruto's sleeping form to rest against his own chest, wrapping his arms around him. Soon he drifted off to his thoughts, staring into the fire once again. He wasn't quite sure why he had the need to hold the boy in his arms. Maybe it was because it was the only thing he knew would be friendly to do. More likely, he concluded, he wanted to keep the blond close because the boy often made him forget about Kankuro, about what awaited him at home, about everything. It sounded selfish but right now, he couldn't bring himself to care.

Gaara sat next to his sleeping friend for a long time, not noticing how the darkness grew as the natural light flooding from the windows slowly died out. The firewood was already charred and it glowed in red, no more burning with visible flames. It was when Naruto woke up with a jolt that Gaara broke off from his thoughts and noticed it was almost night already.

For a moment Naruto wasn't sure if he had awoken at all. A part of him told him he was still dreaming as he noticed Gaara's arms around him, holding him close. His heart pounded in his chest and his cheeks were burning as he fully realized the situation he was in.

"Gaara?" he cautiously asked, not knowing if he had given something away while sleeping. The jade eyes locked into the blue ones and that was the only reply he got. "How long have I slept?" the blond asked.

"I don't know. An hour tops," came the reply. Gaara was a bit disappointed that Naruto had woken up. Now he had one reason less not to return home. His brooding was interrupted as a tanned arm wrapped around him while the blond's head was buried in the crook of his neck. It was like Naruto knew his thoughts of departure. How was it that the blond always seemed to know what to do? A hot breath hit against the pale skin, making Gaara feel weird.

"Naruto?" he asked, as if seeking an answer to the strange feeling he had.

"Don't go just yet," the blond pleaded, hugging him tighter.

The redhead didn't reply but stayed still. It was odd to have someone other than Kankuro this close to him. He wasn't sure if he liked this new sensation building inside him. It was strange - he didn't want to leave, just stay. How had he come to this? The blond was often annoying with his non-stop babbling and unability to stay still. How could it be that he now wanted to sit like this beside the blond, not annoyed at all but somehow... peaceful? He decided it was because most of the time Naruto had been asleep and quiet. He couldn't rationally explain, though, why the need to stay hadn't vanished when the blond had awoken.

"I have to go, it's late," Gaara said, getting frustrated that he couldn't explain his own feelings to himself. Besides, he had to go back now, his life was still the same as always. Naruto was only a distraction, he wouldn't change anything.

The blue eyes showed a hint of sadness when Naruto met the redhead's gaze. The blond locks reflected the dim light again, shining in the darkening night. To Gaara, the boy looked almost beautiful like that.

"I understand... Would you like to spend time with me again tomorrow?" the blond asked, slowly forcing his trademark smile back to his face. He didn't feel like smiling but it was a mask he was used to wearing.

"Maybe," Gaara replied. At that, he was graced by a warm and this time genuine smile from the blond.

-----

Locked in his room, Kankuro let the blade slide along the skin, absentmindedly looking as it made light ornaments onto his flesh. His thoughts drifted back to the man who had been in the café that day. The blade sank deeper into the soft skin and Kankuro grimaced. The sensation hurt more than he remembered.

The man had earlier tried to hit on him, too, giving him a big tip and telling he'd get more money if he'd follow the man to his place. The scumbag had even gone as far as touching him! Kankuro didn't know anymore which currently hurt him more, his thoughts or the open wound on his arm.

For a moment he had feared he'd lose himself in the café, first when the man had hit on him weeks ago and then today, when the guy had spotted Gaara. Thank god he had been able to keep himself under control. If not, nobody knows what would've happened. He'd surely gotten fired at least.

If he had collapsed there, everyone would've suspected something was seriously wrong with him. It would've shattered the good-guy image he had created over the years. No one was ever supposed to know about his personal business. Some things were just too painful and embarrasing to ever tell anyone.

When there was one bleeding cut a moment ago, there were now many of them. They were all equally hurting, hurting good. Kankuro didn't like the pain but it helped to distract him from the mental agony. Besides, he felt like deserving the ache. He deserved it because of what he had done to Gaara despite his best intentions.

He hadn't meant to ruin Gaara's life, too. As if it hadn't been enough that his own life was in pieces, he had dragged them both into this anguishing hell because he didn't know any other way to show his love to him. He hadn't known how else to express to Gaara how beautiful, wanted and lovely he thought the redhead was.

Gaara was so important to him. Without the redhead around, he would surely be long dead by now. With Gaara, the mental pain was easing and he felt needed and important. He dreaded the future, dreaded Gaara's graduation and the moment the redhead would start a new life, without him. The knife dived a bit too deep this time and Kankuro let out a cry of pain. He didn't remember it hurt so much. Had it really been this painful every time before, too?

The worst that could ever happen was Gaara telling him he hated and despised him and didn't want anything to do with him. That would be the end of everything to him, both figuratively and literally. The blade hovered over his wrist, ready to dive deep into his flesh. He felt like drawing blood, drawing it good this time.

He was faltering on the edge, feverishly trying to stay on the sane side. He didn't want to fall, he didn't want to lose himself again. Fortunately he was alone now so if he collapsed, it would harm no one but himself. He tried to fight back the memories and thoughts that draped their clawed hands towards him, dragging him into the darkness. He let the knife slash deep this time, hoping the horrible pain would wake him up. As the agony registered in his brain he let out a pained shout, fully in his senses now.

The blade had missed his wrist, instead now sticking lower in his arm. What on earth had he been about to do? Gaara didn't hate him or despise him! Not now, at least. He shouldn't dwell in that kind of thoughts, they did nothing good in the end.

Kankuro put the knife away. He didn't feel like dying, not today. Maybe some other day, when he had nothing to lose anymore. Now though, he still had Gaara who needed him. He was important and his life had a meaning because of that. Kankuro watched as the blood trickled down from the smaller cuts and the deeper one. He closed his eyes and let it bleed. He would tend the cuts soon but not yet. Right now he wanted to feel the pain for a little longer, wishing he wouldn't fall to the depths of insanity anymore.

-----

Gaara was slowly walking back home, trying to make the few hundred yards as long as possible. After the warmness in Naruto's house, the chilly night air felt really cold. He already missed the warmness of the wood heat, and the warmness of Naruto, too... Did people like Naruto really exist? The last few hours felt surreal to him now and he briefly wondered if he'd imagined it all. Despite his attempts not to get attached to the blond, he had still formed a bond of some kind with him. It hurt him, because as his home drew nearer he knew that the fall to reality would be tougher than ever before. But he couldn't shoo the blond away anymore, he didn't want to. Naruto was his only way to escape reality. He didn't want to lose him.

No lights were on when Gaara arrived home. There were no sounds at all, only an eerie silence greeted him. The contrast to Naruto's place couldn't have been more obvious. He quietly walked to the door of Kankuro's room, pondering if he should knock. After he and Kankuro had come home from the café, the brunette had gone to his room straight away and Gaara hadn't heard of him since.

As quietly as possible, the redhead knocked on the door. No answer came. "Kankuro?" he then whispered. Still nothing. Worried, Gaara opened the door and peeked inside. It was dark in there and he couldn't make out anything from the doorframe. Silently he stepped inside, inspecting the room. The bed was empty, so his brother hadn't gone to sleep yet. His gaze searched every shadow and place the brunette might hide in but there was no one in there. The room was empty.

A chill ran down Gaara's spine. So where was his brother? Suddenly he felt very small and weak in the big, dark house. The only thing he knew was that Kankuro was out there somewhere. He didn't feel like looking for him but his conscience nagged at him, telling him that he should care. Summoning all his courage, he started to search the house, careful at not turning his back on any shadowy corners or open doors. There was no one in the kitchen or in the living room. He checked the unused rooms that had once belonged to Temari, their father and their uncle but they were as empty as always. The bathroom was empty, too. It turned out that Gaara's room held no one inside, either. At then, Gaara turned his gaze towards one particular door. The cellar? There was no way...

Opening the door to his refuge, he peeked inside. "Kankuro?" he called before turning on the lights. The cellar was empty, too. Gaara let out a trembling sigh. He certainly hoped Kankuro hadn't done anything stupid. Where on earth was he? Taking a quick glance into the hallway, he could see the pair of Kankuro's shoes on the floor. So his brother was inside the house, despite all. He already thought he should stop caring and go to sleep when an idea struck him. There was one more place he hadn't searched.

Kankuro was leaning on an old box, holding his head on his hands. He was unstable, doing his everything to stay composed. This was the only place he could lock himself into without rising Gaara's suspicion. He didn't want attention, no distractions. He wanted to stay in the darkness and calm himself - he could do it, he just needed some time. He was afraid of himself. Any distraction could make him lose the sanity he so desperately clung onto.

Knock, knock.

A whimper would have escaped Kankuro's lips if he hadn't covered his mouth. He hugged his knees a bit tighter, hoping he could make himself so small that the world couldn't see him. His thoughts started to spin in a familiar manner as his fear increased. Oh no! They're here again, looking for me! the brunette thought, gripping his hair. As the knocking sound came again, he almost screamed. He wasn't sure if he had imagined the sound. It felt so real. Everything felt so god damned real! He bit his lip in order not to scream. It would do no good if he gave away his hiding place, then he would surely die or worse.

"Kankuro? Are you in there?" came a voice and then someone tried to open the attick door, with no avail. "Come on, open the door. I know you're in there."

G-Gaara, Kankuro stuttered in his mind. Why was his little brother here? Wouldn't they try to get him, too? He was about to stand up and open the door in order to drag the boy to the safety of his hiding place, when he suddenly realized what he was here for. He was here because he didn't want to hurt anyone in his current state of mind. Stupid brother, get out of here, he thought, wishing Gaara would run away. What if he couldn't tell apart what was real and what wasn't, thus ending up hurting Gaara again? He couldn't afford that. He wanted to shout to the redhead to go away but he couldn't find his voice.

The door was banged again. "Open it! Goddamnit, talk to me, Kankuro!"

"G-Go away! Let me be, please..." the brunette said in an unsteady voice. Why couldn't Gaara leave? He was in danger! Did he want them to get him? Kankuro surely didn't want to die in their hands, he didn't! He bit his fingers, drawing blood as his teeth sunk into the soft skin. As the waves of fear washed over him again, he gripped his bare arm, scratching it and thus opening the earlier wounds again. He screamed at the pain but he couldn't stop hurting himself. Maybe if he hurted some more he would die and they wouldn't get to him!

The agonizing scream scared Gaara as he listened on the other side of the door. It was clear that his brother was unstable again. He started to wonder if he should really run and leave Kankuro on his own. He just couldn't, though, not when he didn't know what was happening in there. He had faced his brother like this before, so he could do it now, too. Nothing will happen, he tried to cheer himself, not really believing a word.

"Please... Open the door. It's me, Gaara."

Kankuro gripped his hair again, gritting his teeth. Why couldn't they leave him alone, why did they have to push him to the edge until he would fall? He just wanted to be alone, unnoticed. In the darkness the attick resembled the cellar so much that he almost thought he was in that hideous place again. He didn't want to go back there! He ripped at his wounds again, screaming as it hurt. At that the door was banged again.

"Go away," Kankuro shouted, despair echoing in his voice. "I might hurt you! They might get to you and hurt you! Please... leave now," he then said in a trembling voice, hoping his little brother would do as told.

"I won't leave, not before I know you're okay," the redhead said calmly. When nothing happened, he tried again, "Just open the door, okay? Everything will be alright." Still nothing. Letting out a sigh, Gaara coaxed his brother again, "Look, there's no one in here. I'm the only one. Now please let me in so that I can help you." He didn't know who 'they' were but he wasn't going to participate in his brother's delusions.

"You s-sure?"

"Yes. Now open the door, Kankuro." And then the lock clicked, opening the door.

Kankuro sat back down onto the floor and leaned on the box once again as he stared at his little brother. Was it really Gaara or someone else in disguise? What if he imagined this, too? He scratched the now open wounds again, not really registering the pain. As the redhead sat beside him, he started to laugh in fear. What if he was going to get hurt? What if he would be killed in the end? Kankuro screamed again as the insane thoughts didn't stop haunting him. Why couldn't they just leave him be!

"Calm down," Gaara said, taking in his brother's state. It was then he saw the horrible cuts on the brunette's arms. He had to get some supplies to tend them but he couldn't leave because while he would be gone, Kankuro could lock himself up again. "It's alright, Kankuro. Now follow me."

"Who do you really are? W-Where are you taking me?" Kankuro asked, not willing to stand up.

Gaara looked at him patiently. This wasn't the first time he had gone through this. "I'm your brother and I'm taking you to the bathroom to tend your wounds."

Kankuro only heard the sentence to the word 'bathroom', after that everything went very muddled again. Not to the bathroom! He looked around him, searching for anything he could defend himself with. Anything would do, just anything! The redhead was one of them, he was sure of it. He laughed a bit more. He wasn't going to die, not him! But the redhead, yes.

Gaara soon noticed the change in Kankuro and his own fear increased when he saw the brunette take a hold of an old hammer. "Kankuro, listen to me!" the redhead spoke quickly. He had not a second to waste now. "Look, I'm... I'm going to take us safe, just follow me, please!" he continued, unsure if he just should've run instead. Kankuro only stared at him, as if pondering his trustworthiness. "Just put the hammer away, okay?" Gaara added. The metal tool unnerved him to no end.

"You're not taking me there!" Kankuro yelled, referring to the bathroom. His previous fear was turning into anger because he felt he wasn't able to defend himself.

"O-Okay, we won't go there. Please, calm down," Gaara said, trying to keep his voice steady. For his own safety, he backed off a little.

"Shut up! Just shut up!!" the brunette shouted and gripped his hair, collapsing onto the floor and dropping the hammer. They were shouting at him, coaxing him and speaking of memories which he wanted to forget. Oh, how he hoped all those voices would die away, leave him be. The redhead's words were mixing with the other voices and he could only be sure that the boy actually talked when his lips were moving. It all felt so real, like they were right here, beside him. He gripped his hair a bit tighter, as if it would ease his confusion.

For a moment, Gaara couldn't do anything but stare at his brother. He didn't dare to open his mouth, not after the brunette's outburst. He waited a bit longer and when the brunette seemed to quiet down a bit, not gripping the brown hair so violently anymore, he proceeded to his brother. Unnoticed, he shoved the abandoned hammer away with his foot, out of the brunette's reach. Then he gently lowered his hand to rest on Kankuro's shoulder, ready to withdraw if the older male should suddenly have another outburst.

"It's alright, Kankuro," Gaara spoke quietly, tenderly caressing his brother's shoulder blade.

Kankuro relaxed a bit under the touch, his mind easing as the loud voices were slowly dying away. He couldn't totally relax, though, because they could come back any minute.

"Let's go to a safer place, okay?" Gaara said, his gentle touch turning into a persuasive grip. "When you'll rest you'll feel better," he continued, coaxing his brother to stand up and follow him. To his relief, Kankuro obeyed him silently.

"You..." Kankuro began, unsure how he should address the redhead. He couldn't still be sure if the boy was only a product of his imagination or a real person. "They might come back," he then continued, the sentence making perfect sense in his mind.

"But you are safe with me, don't worry," Gaara replied, not totally understanding what his brother had meant.

Kankuro climbed down the stairs from the attick to the hallway. Someone was speaking to him again, not making any sense at all. No one was around except the redhead, and the boy surely kept his mouth shut. "Why don't they go away?" Kankuro asked in a tired voice. He just wanted to relax, wanted to get away into a place where they couldn't reach him.

"I don't know, Kankuro, I really don't know," Gaara answered truthfully. He wished he could help or at least give a proper answer but he couldn't.

At the words, Kankuro fell silent. They were heading towards a room which had wine red walls. He tensed a little, unsure if he should enter. "How do you know this isn't a trap? And why should I trust you?" Kankuro whispered and gripped the redhead's arm tightly, his coal black eyes now boring into the jade ones. His calmness was slowly melting away, yielding to fear and confusion.

"This isn't a trap, this is my room. You can trust me because I'm your brother, I care about you," Gaara answered patiently, hoping that the brunette wouldn't get troublesome again.

The answer calmed Kankuro a little bit. He still scanned the room in order to find any objects he could use if he needed to get rid of the redhead. Finally, he sat down onto the bed, still not totally trusting his companion.

"I'll be back in a second. Wait here," Gaara said.

Kankuro looked at him warily, not replying. It was silent now and he allowed himself to relax a bit. Soon the redhead came back and sat down onto the bed beside him. Quickly the boy started to tend his wounds. The slow and gentle movements of the pale hands didn't feel threatening and so Kankuro dared to calm down a bit more.

"Now rest and try to sleep, I'll keep an eye on you," Gaara said as he stopped tending the cuts.

Kankuro narrowed his eyes, tensing. He was not going to sleep and let his guard down. "No," he simply said. "And don't tell me what to do or I'll get rid of you," he then continued in a poisonous voice, his black eyes quickly filling with coldness and distrust again. The redhead was getting annoying. The brunette glanced over the room in hopes of finding something he could use as a weapon.

"It's for your own good, Kankuro. And no one's gonna get rid of anyone tonight," Gaara spoke, hiding his own fear as well as he could. Kankuro's words scared him more than he liked to admit. He only received an icy stare from the brunette as an answer.

Gaara let out a sigh, then spoke again, "You can sleep, I know you're tired. It's totally safe now, I promise that nothing will happen."

Kankuro looked at the redhead, evaluating the situation. This room didn't resemble the cellar or any other unpleasant place at all so it would probably be safe to relax. He was sure they were still in this house, too but if the redhead kept his word and guarded them, they would be safe. Slowly he laid down and pulled the blanket over. He was really a bit tired. Fighting against them had used up his energy, leaving him weak and drained. After he listened for voices but couldn't hear any, he closed his eyes.

Gaara sat down onto the chair in the corner of the room. The digital clock on the table said 11:43 p.m. It was going to be a long, sleepless night to him. He was simply too afraid to close his eyes. Kankuro seemed to be calm now but anything could trigger another episode. The blood that had dripped from the brunette's wounds had probably stained every place. What a mess! It would be a pain to clean up everything in the morning.

-----

After two hours of forcing himself to stay awake, his insomnia helping a little, Gaara yawned, admitting his tiredness. He could hear Kankuro's even breathing in the darkness and he knew his brother wasn't dangerous anymore. In the night, the wine red room looked like a creepy cavern and some pieces of furtinure even resembled figures. He almost saw lopsided faces from the corner of his eye but when he turned to look at them, they were gone.

Slowly, he stood up from the chair and advanced to the bed. He laid down carefully, all the time inspecting Kankuro's reactions. The brunette was fast asleep and didn't stir when Gaara came under the cover and curled up against him. The redhead wrapped his arm around his sleeping brother and snuggled closer, leaning his head against the brunette's chest. Still, the older of the brother's didn't show any signs of waking up.

The earlier events had been scary but now it was warm and safe. Even though Kankuro wasn’t the best possible brother, the redhead didn’t have anyone else in the world to care about him the way the brunette did. At those thoughts, Gaara curlep up against Kankuro even more, grateful that he wasn’t totally alone. Soon the redhead succumbed to his own tiredness and fell asleep, breathing evenly, black eyelids closed.

-----

In the morning, Kankuro yawned sleepily and opened his eyes. He took in the surroundings, flashes of last night coming to his mind. He had gone to the attick and then, Gaara had come there. After that, everything was blurred. Kankuro's eyes snapped fully open. Where was Gaara? Had he hurt him? He sat upright, worriedly glancing over the room. It was then that he noticed the drowsy redhead clinging onto him, draping his arms towards him at the sudden loss of warmness.

"Gaara?" Kankuro whispered. He laid back down and caressed the redhead's side. He was so happy that he hadn't hurt him. Even greater joy overswept him when he realized how much Gaara cared for him. His cuts had been tended and everything seemed to be alright.

"Mmh..." came a sleepy mutter. Soon the black eyelids opened and it didn't take long for Gaara to fully awake. Under the circumstances, he had slept surprisingly well. He had seen a nightmare at some point of the night, woken up, and after noticing everything was alright, had gone back to his relaxing slumber. As he now looked into the black eyes of his brother, he knew the brunette was back to normal again.

"I'm going to make us breakfast. Wait here," the redhead spoke, quickly getting off from the bed. He was hungry, not having eaten anything since the tea at Naruto's place. He knew Kankuro wanted to talk with him but he couldn't bring himself to answer the awaiting questions with an empty stomach.

"No, I can do that. You've been kind enough to me already. I mean... thanks for everything, Gaara," Kankuro said quietly.

"Don't worry about it. I want you to rest now, so I'll go and prepare the breakfast," the redhead assured, leaving the room. He made them hot chocolate, soya yoghurt, apples and rye bread. After he was done, he carried the meal with a tray to the bed.

"You're spoiling me," Kankuro exclaimed, lighting upon the steaming cup of hot chocolate. Something was amiss, though, and when he noticed it, his spirits sagged. "Hey... where's the coffee?" he asked. Morning just wasn't the same without the black extract.

"Nowhere. You don't need any stimulants now so you have to deal with what I made for you," Gaara replied calmly. He craved for coffee, too, but at the moment it would be unfair to drink it right in front of Kankuro.

They ate in silence, both deep in their thoughts. Gaara wondered how much the brunette remembered from last night, if anything at all. He wanted to ask what had triggered the latest episode but was afraid to, fearing his question would upset his brother.

"Why did you come there?" Kankuro finally asked. He was grateful for Gaara's caring but at the same time, he disapproved the redhead's foolhardiness. Anything could've happened!

"Because you were there," Gaara replied briefly. He didn't fee like talking because the events were all too fresh but he understood that his brother wanted to fill the blanks in his mind.

"You should've run. I was okay in there. It was stupid of you to stay," Kankuro spoke.

"You weren't okay, look at your arms. Haven't I told you to stop it?" Gaara asked. He didn't like the fact that his brother was hurting himself, not to mention in his unstable moments. What if Kankuro accidentally hit some vital point and died? He didn't want to think about that...

Kankuro didn't say anything in reply. Gaara wouldn't understand even if he explained it. "How bad...?" he finally asked. It bugged him that he couldn't remember much of anything. He had a distant memory of hiding and being afraid. He had probably had delusions, too, but now it was hard to tell apart what he had imagined and what he hadn't.

"Not too bad," Gaara told. He didn't want to tell his brother about everything that had happened, like the hammer incident, the brunette had enough to worry about. After a pause, the redhead decided to test the waters and asked, "Have you thought of going to see a psychologist?" It was a tender spot to his brother but it had to be asked again, nevertheless.

"No, case closed," Kankuro told curtly. For a long time he had thought he should seek for help but it wasn't so simple. There were two things that prevented him, and because of those things, he would rather not draw attention to his mental problems.

Firstly, if he were to speak to someone, their secret would surely be revealed. He would then lose his beloved little brother, for eternity. He couldn't take it, he would break if that happened. He was hundred per cent sure that Gaara would break as well if they were separated. Besides, the redhead couldn't manage alone, he was sure of it. He had to be there to protect his little brother because without him, Gaara would surely get into trouble in no time, like yesterday at the café.

Secondly, therapy and psychopharmaceuticals costed money. A lot of money. That money Kankuro did not have. Their share of their father's inheritance was long ago spent and the little savings he had were meant to get them through if he lost his job for some reason.

"But I could get a job, if it's about money," Gaara started.

"No, you have your homework and stuff, I don't want a job interfering your studying," Kankuro told instantly. He wanted Gaara to get into a college at least, perhaps even to a university. The redhead had to study hard instead of spending time working. The brunette knew that he himself would have no problem with attending to any place he desired, for as modest as he tried to be, he was so smart that almost no entrance examination would be too hard for him.

Silence fell over them again, only a clock could be heard ticking in the distance. When there seemed to be nothing more to say, Gaara got up from the bed and put the tray onto the table. He was about to leave when the silence was broken by a few, quiet words.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Kankuro asked, looking down at his hands that layed on his lap.

Avoiding? Gaara thought back the last two weeks. Yes, he hadn't been around his brother so much but that was because he had had other things to do. He had been with Naruto and when he had been home, he hadn't felt like being in anyone's company.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to," was all Gaara could manage. It felt weird to apologize a thing he hadn't known he'd been doing.

Kankuro glanced at the redhead, a sad look on his face. "Is it because of my mental..." he began, trailing off.

"What? No," Gaara said, a bit surprised. He sat back down onto the bed, next to his brother. "I didn't even know I was acting that way," he continued, trying to cheer up the brunette. He didn't want his brother to get upset over a little thing like that. At least he thought it was a little thing.

XXX

"You can make it up for me," Kankuro replied, closing his arms around the smaller form of his brother. His hands caressed the redhead's back with slow motions before coming to rest on the hips, squeezing them lightly.

"What do you mean?" Gaara asked, looking up at his brother. His face held an impassive mask but his eyes reflected a hint of cautiousness.

"You could spend more time with me and less with the blond," Kankuro replied, placing a soft kiss on the redhead's lips. His hands slid under Gaara's shirt and up the younger male's back.

"It's better if you rest," Gaara said, trying to break free from the hug. After seeing his brother out of control not too long ago, he was in no mood for this kind of contact. He wasn't scared but he could all too well remember the dangerous situations of last night. Besides, he didn't want them to get into certain activities, not after he had felt so good in the past two weeks.

"But I don't feel like resting," Kankuro replied, yanking the redhead's shirt upwards. His hands trailed up and down the now bare chest, savouring the softness of the pale skin. Before the younger of the brothers could have a chance to reject him, he brushed their lips together again, this time deepening the contact into a passionate kiss. He wanted to taste more, feel more, and in his eagerness he bit the redhead's soft lower lip, drawing blood.

"Ouch! Don't—" Gaara tried but couldn't finish as he was slammed onto the mattress, none too gently. A wild Kankuro was on top of him, the brunette's lips now traveling to his neck, biting slightly, until they continued further down, to the sensitive nipples. "Ah," Gaara gasped as the sharp teeth gently played with his nipples, not hurting but actually exciting him against his own will.

Kankuro's lips neared the redhead's hips, forcefully biting and marking the pale skin on their way down. He could feel his little brother's sharp intakes of breath each time his teeth bruised the skin.

"Ah! Don't bite so hard, it hurts!" Gaara said, trying to get up but failed, thanks to Kankuro pinning down his hips.

The suppressed whimpers and the voiced protests only aroused the brunette even more and for reward, he bit a little harder. Gaara was his and only his, and he got some deep satisfaction of marking the redhead so that the boy would know and - what was more important - remember to whom he belonged to.

"You should stop and rest instead," Gaara said in a wavering voice and sat up, pulling his knees close to his chest, this time succesfully blocking his brother away. He didn't feel like giving into Kankuro's desires right now. They shouldn't be doing this. His conscience was constantly scolding him about the sheer wrongness of the situation.

"And you should be quiet and let me do what I know is right at the moment," Kankuro replied, pushing the redhead down again. This didn't need to be right at the moral's point of view, or even the law's point of view, it was enough that he was confident about his actions. He wanted Gaara and that was the only thing that mattered.

He started to strip the redhead's jeans and tight boxers, soon throwing them onto the floor. Satisfied with the sight of his almost naked little brother in front of him, he ran his hands along the redhead's sides, amusedly watching as the said boy tensed up.

"No... It's not a good idea," Gaara spoke, trying to sit up again. He was only pushed back down instantly, not given a chance to escape.

"You're hardly the one to talk about good ideas, given you didn't run away last night. I'm sure you won't run away now, either," Kankuro said, smirking. "Take off your shirt, I'll be right back," he then added, leaving the room.

Reluctantly, Gaara discarded himself of his shirt that was pulled all the way up, baring his chest. Instinctively, he pulled his knees close to his chest. As his brother returned, he hugged his knees a bit tighter. The brunette could sometimes be too hard on him and due to the red marks that now covered his pale skin, he was anxious about what was to come next.

"Now Gaara," Kankuro started as he gripped the redhead's hand and poured some lube into the fingers, "Prepare yourself. I'm gonna watch." He took off all of his clothes, not looking away from the redhead who was getting comfortable on the bed. He could tell Gaara was reluctant but the redhead had been through this before, so the boy knew what to do and how to act.

"I don't feel like doing any of this," Gaara said, hoping he could change the direction where things were going. Before, he hadn't dared to object so much because he had been all alone, without anyone other than the brunette around. It had been easier then to fall victim when there had been absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel. Now there was a feeble light, even though Gaara didn't like to admit that Naruto had influenced him so much.

"Don't feel like it?" Kankuro repeated, his black eyes growing even darker. "If you want it rough and dry, it's your choice," he then continued in a low but cold voice which told the redhead that he wasn't joking.

"I said no. I don't want it either way," Gaara said stubbornly. There had to be a way out of this. "Why couldn't we do normal things, like watch TV?" he then continued, surprised how he had dared to say that in a moment like this.

"So you want to do it on the couch?" Kankuro asked, totally ignoring his little brother's protests.

"No!" Gaara said, annoyed. He was getting irritated when his brother acted like this, purposely understanding things in a wrong way.

"No?" Kankuro whispered, his black eyes oddly empty. Soon the blankness disappeared, being replaced by a fiery anger which quickly cooled into an icy stare. "I'm gonna say this only once, Gaara. If you don't want to prepare yourself, I'm gonna take you dry and it's going to hurt. A lot," he said in a cold voice.

Unpleasant shivers ran down Gaara's spine. Would his brother really make good on his threat? The redhead couldn't help but gulp as he looked at his brother's serious face. It seemed he had no choice but to obey. Laying on his back, he guided his fingers to the rim of muscles while his other hand wrapped around his semi-erected member. At first he pushed one finger inside, trying to relax while he slowly stroked his growing erection. He closed his eyes, knowing that his brother's gaze followed his every move, and it unnerved him. He had to remember to be vocal, Kankuro liked that. Soon he pushed another finger inside, strecthing and making scissoring motion, his strokes growing faster. "Aah," he moaned as it started to feel good, really good.

The black, lust filled eyes took in every detail of the sight. Kankuro had spread lube to his own erection, now stroking himself, too. The burning need in the pit of his stomach ten-folded as Gaara arched his back, letting out a needy gasp. He had to close his eyes for a while so that he wouldn't go over the edge yet. The sight of Gaara pleasuring himself, now three fingers fully inside, his throbbing lenght already leaking, was too much for Kankuro to look at. As the redhead moaned throatily, the brunette couldn't help but look again.

Quickly, Kankuro shoved Gaara's fingers away, making way to his own, painfully erect member. He was tired of waiting, his lust and desire totally overpowering him, and so he thrusted inside, now moaning himself too, as he felt the pleasure he had moments ago only been dreaming of. He gripped the redhead's hips, pinning him down with his own body, as he pushed forcefully in and out. He hoped he wouldn't reach his peak too soon because Gaara needed to come first.

They panted in unison and Kankuro absolutely loved how vocal his little brother had learned to become. He grabbed the redhead's dripping member and stroked it gently but firmly, all the while slamming his hardened lenght against the nerve spot, making Gaara see stars.

"Haa... Ah!"

With wavering moans, Gaara got over the edge, pinned under his brother's weight. The redhead's panting aroused Kankuro even more and he was relieved that he didn't have to hold back anymore. With a few violent thrusts, he filled the redhead with his cum, moaning and marking Gaara as his own again. Pulling out, Kankuro looked at the redhead beneath him, smirking. He was more than satisfied at seeing the red marks all over the pale body, his cum dripping down from the redhead's orifice to the sheets, staining them. Now there was no doubt anymore about to whom Gaara belonged to.

XXX

The brothers were laying next to each other, letting their breathing become even. Gaara had turned his back to Kankuro, keeping his face impassive even though under the surface, he didn't feel impassive at all. At the same time as he felt great satisfaction, he felt extreme regret, too. This was wrong, really wrong. He couldn't deny it, though he sometimes tried to smother his moralistic thoughts, claiming that this was a form of love. Usually it was easier to deal with the things he was forced to do when he masked the happenings as tokens of caring.

After he had spent more time with Naruto and less time with his brother, thus avoiding these kinds of incidents, he had, without him realizing, got accustomed to an illusion that his life was actually normal, or as normal as it could get. Now when he was laying on the sheets naked, bruised and filled with his brother's cum, he knew it had only been a childish delusion to even think for a moment that Kankuro would leave him be. The agony raised its head inside him, waves of disappointment and even anger washing over him. He didn't want a lover. What he needed was an older brother.

Kankuro caressed the redhead's side, admiring everything in his little brother. To him, Gaara was a piece of heaven, something beautiful and pure he wanted to own and drown into. At moments like this, it felt like everything was alright and there were no worries in the world. He knew his doings were wrong but did it matter? After all, wrongness or laws had never stopped their uncle for hurting him, it had been alright then, even though it really wasn't.

This wasn't the same as that. No, he loved Gaara and cared for him. He made Gaara feel good and wanted. Besides, he wasn't disgusting like their uncle, he was Gaara's brother and that made it more acceptable, more normal.

-----

The warm water was washing away every stain, every drop of sweat but didn't wash away the ugly, red marks. Fortunately they weren't on visible parts, he could cover them with his clothes. Gaara soaped himself from head to toe, wanting to get rid of his brother's scent. Why did it have to always end like this? Was there really nothing he could do? Or had it been going on for too long already?

He loved his brother more than anything but did he really have to put up with this? Then again, Kankuro was stronger than him, it had always been easier to succumb in fear of getting hurt more. Those moments with Naruto had been nice, normal. Why couldn't it always be like that with his brother, too?

Before Naruto, there had only been Kankuro and the fear of the brunette's random episodes but now, the blond was like a lighthouse in the night, guiding him out of the darkness. He didn't like to admit it but Naruto brought him hope. Hope. He disliked that vacillating, deceiving feeling. It was dangerous to get lulled into false beliefs that some day, things would be better. Gaara let out a bitter laugh. When their uncle and then father had died, he had naively believed everything would turn into better. How wrong he had been, in a way.

Breaking out from his thoughts, he noticed he'd been standing under the shover for a lot longer time than really needed. He turned off the shower but still felt unclean, like he hadn't washed himself at all. He didn't want to be subdued by his brother for the rest of his life but there was really nothing he could do, now was there? Of course Naruto was there to distract him but the blond should be just that - a distraction, nothing more.

Gaara exited the bathroom and slid into the cellar. Kankuro wanted to watch a movie with him in the evening but before that, the redhead wanted to have as much time on his own as possible. He had briefly thought about visiting Naruto again but after what had happened this morning, he really wasn't in the mood for the blond's cheerfulness. Maybe some other day. Now he only wanted to paint and purify himself in the process, or at least that little part of him that could still feel relieved after he had transferred his emotions onto the canvas.

To be continued...

A/N: I'm sorry if the development of Gaara and Naruto's friendship is stupid or unbelievable. The truth is, I don't have a lot of experience on friendship, even though I do have friends. It has always been my friends who have reached out to me and strenghtened the bond between us, I'm not so good in it myself. But on the positive side(?), abuse and Kankuro's insanity are easy for me to write, I feel I have no problem with those themes.

I hope it's easy to understand who "they" are, those who Kankuro is referring to under his episode. Sometimes they are the voices in his head, sometimes they are people (=hallucinations) Kankuro is seeing or imagining to be somewhere near. As you can guess now, in the first chapter where Kankuro is having one of his episodes, he thinks Gaara is one of "them". I hope this makes sense. At least it does to me.

Three people who are related to me, have had acoustic, tactile or optic hallucinations, and what I've learned from their experiences, it's often hard to tell apart what is real and what isn't. Especially the optic hallucinations are tricky because they feel so real, that's what they've said to me. I've been told that the voices one is hearing can vary a lot - they can be speaking or just be sounds, like phone ringing, and some of the voices make sense while the others don't. If I'm correct, the human brain is incapable of producing female voices because it's so high-pitched and that's why the voices inside one's head are male/low voices or then some non-human voices, of course.

Special thanks to Kagenoshi from y!Gallery who helped me to pinpoint Kankuro's mental illness. *huggles* But it won't come out yet what the condition is, because Kankuro doesn't know what's the name of his mental disorder.