Shinobi Grape Juice

Title: Intermission
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto
Rating: T+ (or PG 13)
Summery: All things considered, it could have gone a lot worse. (kakairu, yaoi)
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Don't own, don't make money. It's merely for my own amusement.

Iruka stood, hands on hips, the vain in his forehead throbbing. “Naruto,” he growled, not for the first nor last time. “Is this really how you want to spend your first, and only, day back after eight months away?”

Behind and slightly to Iruka’s left, Kakashi stood vigorously nodding. He completely and unbiasedly agreed with the irate chuunin. He took a step to his right, a distant eye upon their younger charge.

Naruto’s teeth clenched, his fingers jerkily thrusting a kunai forward and in the jounin’s direction. “I don’t care…”

Kakashi stilled.

“I’m gonna cut his balls off!”

Swallowing and using all his ANBU training to resist the urge to cover himself protectively, Kakashi took another step to the right.

“Language!” Iruka squawked.

The jounin turned, a somewhat bland look upon his face. His very sensitive dangly bits were at stake and Iruka was worried about proper etiquette? Could he not prioritise a little better?

“Senseiiii,” the boy whined. “Kiba-kun TOLD me what that pervert-bastard did to you, so why are you DEFENDING him!?” His eyes locked on to Kakashi’s. “I know what you did Kaka-sensei, you old-man pervert, and after I take your balls I’m gonna feed ‘em to you! Now stop hiding behind Iruka-sensei and face me!”

“Aa…” Kakashi took yet another step to his right, not so subtly moving closer to his chuunin. “No.”

Iruka groaned. Why, for just one damn day, couldn’t the damn ninja of this damn village shut their damn mouths!? Was that too damn much to damn well ask? Yes, according to the damn shuriken flying toward his damn boyfriend’s nether regions, it was. Damn, damn, damn!

He dropped to his knee in a slight spin, each hand deftly snatching 3 weapons mid-flight. He flung them back at frightening speed, managing to embed them in his target before the bushin disappeared with an audible ‘pop’.

“I would REALLY appreciate it if you and your bushin reframed from damaging MY property, Naruto.” Iruka climbed to his feet, dusting grass from his knees.

“Ne, ne, Iruka-sensei! I swear I wasn’t!” Naruto argued. “I was only trying to remove that hentai-bastards testicles!” As an after thought he quickly added, “Which he totally deserves!”

Iruka managed to simultaneously growl and roll his eyes. The latter directed toward his lover as he took yet another step, effectively hiding his jounin ass behind a chuunin for protection. He decided to address the problem at hand and laugh at his oh-so-fearsome ninja boyfriend later.

“My boyfriend, my property. Stop trying to damage him.”

“You’re WHAT!?” the boys jaw dropped. “Kaka-sensei, you’ve corrupted him!”

Against better judgement, Kakashi lent over his lovers shoulder and grinned lecherously. Then, he winked.

Naruto lunged towards his jounin-sensei, kunai at the ready. He was taking that soon to be ball-less bastard down! Eight months and he’d gotten to Iruka-sensei. Oh how he should have stayed! How he should have asked Sakura-chan to watch over the impressionable chuunin! How he should have spayed that damn pervert the first time he’d caught him making eyes --well eye-- at his Iruka-sensei! How he really should have been paying attention-

“Uzumaki Naruto, put that kunai away NOW!” Iruka gripped the genins wrist, spun him in the opposite direction and cuffed him upside the head.

“Itai Iruka-sensei! That hurt!” Naruto whined.

“Good.” Iruka continued nudging the boy AWAY from all things Kakashi. “Maybe it’ll knock some sense into you.”

Of course, privately, Iruka would admit to liking all Kakashi’s dangly bits. They were fun to lick and tease and fondle, and besides, he really liked his current sex life. As apposed to his previous lack thereof. He couldn’t, in good conscience, let anything or anyone jeopardise that now could he?

“But sensei…”

“No.” Iruka stopped once there was a safe distance between both his precious people. He folded his arms and glared. “Now Naruto, tell me exactly what Kiba-kun said.”

Imitating his favourite sensei, Naruto crossed his own arms and squared his jaw resolutely. He’d make Iruka-sensei understand what people were saying, and WHY he had to neuter that buck-toothed Cyclopes. “Kiba-kun said that he heard Kurenai-sensei talking to Asuma-sensei, who got it from Raidou-san, who was discussing it with Genma-san after Anko-chan told everyone that that bastard attacked you!”

Iruka blinked. “Naruto, please… less names and more event.”

“What do you MEAN more event? At the academy!”

Kakashi, still a safe distance away --though slightly closer so he could hear-- scratched the back of his head and glanced to the left. He would have inconspicuously whistled, if it had been less conspicuous.

Again Iruka blinked. “Which time?”

“Which time!?” Naruto threw his hands up. “What do you MEAN which time!? How many times has that BASTARD attacked you sensei!?”

“Aa…” Iruka had the sudden urge to join Kakashi with his inconspicuous conspicuous whistling.

“WELL!?”

---

Somewhere miles away from the training grounds in the Hokage Tower, Tsunade looked up from her paperwork and sniggered. She’d been wondering if that brat would find out about those pair before he and Jiraiya left the following day.

Sakura, shifting to another medical textbook, sighed. Really, did Naruto always have to be so loud?

---

“…and your dick in a PICKLE JAR!” Naruto continued his tirade.

“… Naruto…” Iruka rubbed at his scar impatiently. Kakashi shuffle up to his lover, hand giving the chuunin’s shoulder a supportive squeeze. “Look, Kakashi-sensei and I… we’re…”

Naruto ignored the academy sensei’s stumbling words and pulled out a weapons scroll.

Iruka’s eye twitched. “Oh for Kami’s sake…” he muttered. “I thought I told you to LEAVE my boyfriend ALONE, Naruto. Put that scroll away, NOW!”

“And what the HELL does that mean anyway!? BOYFRIEND?” The scroll began to unravel.

“It means,” Kakashi mused drolly, standing once again safely behind his chuunin. “What it’s meant to mean.”

He was now close enough to feel Iruka’s body heat mingle with his own, but not so close as to risk bumping him. If things really did become serious, he could still move easily and take the orange bundle down with one well placed hit. It would certainly protect his jewels, his ego, and his honour all in one go.

“But boyfriend?” Naruto wailed. “Iruka-sensei he’s a pervert!”

“I’m aware of that Naruto,” Iruka sighed.

“Way to defend my honour,” Kakashi deadpanned.

In response, Iruka rolled his eyes, again. “That was your inner monolog Kakashi-kun, not mine.”

If it wasn’t for the mask, Kakashi was sure his mouth would have been freely gaping. Was the man a mind reader?

“Yes,” Iruka smirked.

Kakashi scowled. “I hate it when you do that.”

Iruka shook his head, shifting himself enough to hook an arm around the sulking jounin’s waist. “You’re too easy.”

“Hey…” Naruto growled, scroll momentarily forgotten. “Still here.”

“So you are,” Kakashi grinned. Both his arms moved up and around his lover, effectively trapping the man in place. In a somewhat less cheery voice he finished, “Shoo.”

“Kakashi,” Iruka swatted the jounin’s shoulder before wriggling and twisting enough to turn and face the blond boy again. Kakashi, none too happily, allowed the movement.

With their back-to-chest position he gripped a little tighter, his chin resting atop of Iruka’s head. He grinned beneath the mask and thrust forward.

Iruka’s eyes widened, his nails digging into Kakashi’s forearm.

Naruto glared, the actions of his jounin-sensei hidden from view. “Explain. Now.”

Iruka really wished he could. He wished he could do a lot of things that didn’t include full and total concentration on the slowly gyrating hips behind him. He swallowed, mouth slightly dry, and tried to focus on anything but Kakashi’s… oh kami. He gripped a little tighter and pressed his heel down, HARD, on Kakashi’s instep.

Abruptly the jounin’s motions stopped. Iruka, feigning innocents, smiled disarmingly amidst the older mans harsh intake of breath. Slowly the smile faded into something more genuine, and apologetic, as he tried his best to answer Naruto’s questions.

“First, you need to know Kakashi-sensei and I care for each other very much.” Kakashi squeezed Iruka a little tighter, and Iruka spared a glance before continuing. “And second, we are both sincerely sorry you had to find out this way. That wasn’t our intention at all, in fact, Kakashi-sensei and I had agree to keep our relationship quiet, at least until you came back. We wanted you to be the first to know.”

Naruto nodded, his eyes shifting from chuunin to jounin then back to chuunin again. He tucked away the weapons scroll but kept out the kunai. “How long?”

Iruka glanced over his shoulder, “Uh, seven…?” Kakashi nodded. “About seven months.”

“Seven months!?” The blonds grip on his kunai shifted, the sun ominously glinting across the tip. “I’ve only been gone for eight - what the hell happened!?”

Kakashi’s one visible eye arched happily, if a little lecherous, while Iruka quickly glanced to the side, coughed and fought hopelessly against his rising blush. “You don’t need to know,” he finally answered.

Naruto spluttered. “Iruka-sensei can’t you see!? He’s corrupting you!”

“Oh… no, no, no.” Kakashi gleefully shook his head. “It was ‘Ruka wh-” he gasped, an elbow to the sternum effectively shutting him up.

“Naruto,” Iruka pleaded.

Naruto’s gaze shifted between them again.

He gaped.

“I can’t believe it! When Kiba-kun said all the other ninja knew I refused to listen, you know? Anko-chan said she hadn’t believed it either. But then he said she said that she went to the academy and when Shika-kun saw her she had a funny look on her face and was walking really fast. But that could have been anything right, right? Well then he said you were teaching this class Iruka-sensei and ALL the adults were there, and Kaka-bastard-sensei wouldn’t stop annoying you, which sounded like something he’d do. And I said that was probably it, but then he said that all the chuunin and jounin saw you…”

Kakashi lent forward, nuzzling the back of Iruka’s neck with his nose. “How long do you think this’ll last?”

“I don’t know.” Iruka shifted, resting his head against Kakashi’s shoulder. “A while I guess. A lot has happened, and the other boys have most likely told him everything they know. Or suspect.”

There was a pause before Kakashi moved to Iruka’s ear, nipping it lightly through the mask. “Think he’d mind if we left?”

“Kakashi,” Iruka scolded. His head bumped against the mans cheek for emphasis. “We can’t just leave him - he’s angry as it is.”

“Right, angry.” Kakashi agreed. “So he won’t notice…” he dipped slender fingers beneath the younger sensei’s waistband.

Iruka shivered, his hand capturing the jounin’s disappearing wrist. “No, we can’t-”

“On the count of three,” Kakashi ignored his protests. He removed his fingers from Iruka’s pants and wrapped both arms firmly around the mans waist. “You make the bushin, and I’ll teleport us. One… two…”

“… ping-pong balls, which Kiba-kun said…”

Alas, it was an hour before Naruto noticed his sensei had gone and replaced themselves with bushin. On the bright side, the bushin completely agreed with him. Kakashi-sensei was a perverted bastard and Iruka-sensei had become corrupted. Neither, however, divulged it was actually Iruka who’d propositioned Kakashi and not the other way around. Nor the fact he’d been fairly corrupted before the jounin came along.


NOTES:

To answer the questions which I know are coming - NO, Naruto doesn’t care his sensei are dating. It’s more the ‘rumors’ he’s heard that have him threatening scrotum dismemberment. He thinks Kakashi is corrupting his obviously pure, innocent and virginal Iruka-sensei. *rolls eyes* Riiiight.

Yes, this IS the 2yr gap. I brought Naruto home for a quick visit.

If anything doesn’t make sense… read the story before this, and the one before that, and so forth. It IS a one-shot series.

No lemons. It’s a G/PG rated series.

**Next chappie, Don’t mess with the sensei’s students. He doesn’t like it. At. All.