Altering Affection

To answer some of the questions: this story is the first in the Monoshizukanohi series. Neji's story - which reveals whom he's pining after in THIS story - is told in "Undercurrents." Thank you all for the kind words, reads, and reviews. Much love.

~*~

Lee felt a light, gentle pressure on his back and stirred sleepily. For a few minutes, he didn’t try to figure out what it was. He just enjoyed.

After a while, he recognized the sensation: someone was rubbing his back in soothing circles. Lee knew immediately it was his uncle. Back when the night terrors plagued Lee the worst – right after the car crash that took his parents’ lives and left him crippled – his uncle would wake Lee up like this. It was one of the few ways to rouse Lee from a dead sleep that didn’t agitate Lee’s unconscious wrath.

For a moment, Lee started to sit up, greet his uncle, and ask what was wrong. Then Lee felt the ache in his arms, which was quickly eclipsed by the ache in his chest. For a terrifying second, he felt close to breaking again. Something inside him flexed, bent, and thankfully quieted as Lee’s mind went blank. The numb sensation stole over his limbs and Lee closed his eyes and sighed.

“Lee,” his uncle whispered. “I’m sorry to wake you, son, but Neji called.”

When Lee didn’t say anything, his uncle continued. “He asked about you, and I told him that you weren’t doing very well. Lee, he didn’t even give me a chance to say anything else. Said he was on his way over.”

Distantly, Lee felt both happy and irritated by that. He didn’t sort out why.

“I just wanted you to know. I hope that was the right thing to do.”

Lee rolled over and saw his uncle’s face full of concern. He was so lucky to have someone care for him…and with that thought, the breaking feeling was back. Lee shoved it away.

“Thank you, Uncle. It is fine.”

The man nodded. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“You’ll talk to Neji, right?”

Lee sighed and rolled back over. “Just send him up I guess,” Lee said. He didn’t want to think about it. Neji arriving seemed so far away and just too much trouble.

Lee’s uncle stayed for a moment longer and then quietly left.

Lee drifted back to sleep. Some time later, he heard voices in the hallway outside his bedroom.

“Is he awake?” Neji asked.

“He was when I left. I don’t know what happened, Neji, and his hands…”

“I’ll talk to him, sir.”

“Thank you.”

Lee’s eyelids felt like lead weights. He heard the door open and close, heard Neji’s quiet footsteps. Neji paused for a moment, and Lee knew he should sit up and greet his friend. Instead he just stirred a bit under the blanket.

Neji walked around to the other side of the bed, and Lee felt the air shift as his friend kneeled on the floor next to the nightstand.

“Lee, I know you’re awake,” Neji said, his voice tender.

Lee sighed. “Hi, Neji,” he said.

“What did he say, Lee?”

Thoughts threatened to break through the fog in Lee’s brain, and he rolled over onto his back.

“Lee?” When his friend didn’t answer, Neji rose and sat on the edge of the bed. “I’ve never seen you like this. What did he do?”

Lee shook his head and put an arm over his face. The pressure in his chest was back, the numbness fading, and Lee mentally scrambled to pull it back. He didn’t want to think or feel anything.

“Please just leave me alone,” Lee said.

“I’ll kill him,” Neji said, and the tone in his voice made Lee sit up and look at his friend. Neji’s mouth was pulled into a thin line, his gray eyes sparking with anger.

“I swear it, Lee. If that muscle-bound idiot did anything to hurt you-“

“Stop it, Neji!” Lee cried. Neji’s eyes grew wide at the force of Lee’s words.

“He didn’t do anything. Gai-sensei would never, it’s not-“ Lee gestured wildly, the bandages on his arms pulling in unpleasant ways.

Then Lee stopped because the numbness was suddenly completely gone, and whatever it was that threatened for days to break finally snapped. A pain flew through his chest that Lee thought would surely kill him, and the dam holding back a tsunami of feelings broke; emotion flooding his system in an awful wave. His face twisted and scrunched with the pain.

“Neji, he can’t love me,” Lee managed to gasp. “He won’t, thinks it’s wrong, couldn’t tell him what I feel, such a coward, feel so stupid, and-“ Lee spoke in rapid fire, his voice choppy and raw. He felt frantic, like he was flying apart.

Neji moved with swift grace and pulled Lee into the circle of his arms. He held Lee with a ferocity Lee didn’t know Neji possessed, and Lee collapsed against his friend. He buried his face against Neji’s neck and wrapped his bandaged arms around Neji’s waist. For a moment Lee fought against the tide, determined not to completely break down. That was un-youthful and unproductive. He needed to…Lee couldn’t think what he needed to do. But giving in didn’t seem right somehow.

Neji’s arms tightened. “Lee, it’s just me. Let go a little so you can tell me what happened.”

Lee knew Neji didn’t mean to physically let go…and taking those words as the permission Lee needed, Lee clutched at his friend and sobbed. The frustration, anxiety, and confusion of weeks poured through Lee’s system. He felt awful: guilty, stupid, childish, and angry.

Neji just held on and let the emotional gambit run its course. He rocked slowly back and forth and ran his hand over Lee’s hair in a soothing gesture. Lee actually thought in the middle of it all that this behavior was a bit odd for Neji. But Lee didn’t care…he was just grateful Neji was there and willing to hold him for a while.

When Lee’s breathing returned to somewhat normal, Neji carefully leaned over and grabbed the box of tissues on the nightstand. He handed one to Lee but kept his arms around him while Lee wiped his face.

“Now,” Neji said. “Tell me why I should let him live.”

Lee sighed and snuggled into Neji. His chest still ached and now he couldn’t breathe through his nose. This love business was horrible.

Lee haltingly told the story of his date with Gai-sensei, and it was surprisingly short. Neji listened and hugged him during the most difficult details.

“And then you came home and beat the shit out of the bag?” Neji asked.

Lee nodded.

“And bloodied your hands?”

Lee nodded again.

Neji made an affirmative noise. “Your uncle told me that’s how he found you.”

The two were silent for a moment, and Lee just enjoyed the sound of Neji’s heartbeat.

“Lee, I really have just one question, then.”

“Yeah?” Lee sniffed.

“Do you still want to pursue this man?”

Lee flashed back over the past few weeks trying to be analytical instead of emotional. It looked pretty hopeless to Lee.

“Neji, he doesn’t…” Lee couldn’t finish that sentence, so he tried a different one.

“I don’t think there’s anything else I can do.” Lee felt himself choking up again and hated it. Giving up wasn’t in Lee’s DNA, but he was at a loss.

Neji sighed. “I disagree.” Neji reluctantly let Lee sit up to look him in the eye.

“You do?” Lee asked, disbelief obvious in his voice.

Neji closed his eyes and tilted his head to one side. “It is obvious to me from your recounting the events that Gai loves you.”

Lee’s heart thumped a little harder at that. Part of him hated the sheer happiness those simple words provided. But most of him was just grateful for the life vest.

“You think so? You think it is me that…he…”

Neji nodded, meeting Lee’s hopeful gaze. “I think he’s an idiot. A masochistic, overly-complicated idiot. But yes, I think that idiot loves you.”

Lee frowned. “Neji…”

Neji waved one hand. “My opinion on the man is made only slightly better by your love for him, Lee. And obviously I don’t know what Gai feels for certain. But I think I could arrange for a few things.” Neji smiled wistfully. “It’s selfish, really.”

Lee looked at Neji in confusion. “How is you helping me selfish, Neji?”

Neji sighed and shifted on the bed. He put both hands on either side of Lee’s face, gray eyes locking onto dark brown.

“Because my overly-sweet, enthusiastic, and uncompromising friend…if this works out for you, it will give hope to the rest of us poor unrequited fools.” Neji leaned and kissed Lee on the forehead.

“Neji…” Lee whispered, his heart suddenly aching for a whole new reason.

Neji shook his head, long hair swaying. “No, Lee. Today and this moment are about you. You’re all right to go take a shower.”

It wasn’t a question; Neji just knew these things. Lee did feel less like hiding in bed and more like bathing, so his friend was right.

“And you need one.” Neji wrinkled his aristocratic nose.

Lee snorted.

“More company will be here soon, so hurry.”

“Who else is coming?” Lee asked. “And why?”

Neji gently nudged Lee off the bed and toward his bathroom, crawling over the rumpled covers after him.

“The Committee to Make Gai Realize He’s a Bloody Fool is coming,” Neji answered with a completely straight face. “And they’re coming because I texted everyone on the way over here.”

Lee gulped.

“Don’t worry – I’ll tell everyone the details so you won’t have to go through the story again. Just take a shower and try not to think too much. Let me do that, okay?”

“Neji…thank you.” Lee felt himself tearing up again.

Neji made an exasperated noise but hugged Lee to him. “We all adore you, Lee. Now go.”

Lee hugged Neji back fiercely and heard vertebrae pop. Then he turned to head to his shower. Lee had to admit that he felt better now than he did last night or this morning. Neji was beyond a good friend, and Lee felt warm as he thought of how lucky he was to have Neji in his life. He didn’t feel hopeful, exactly, more just curious. Because if Neji thought there was more to be done, then obviously there was something Lee didn’t see. Neji was, after all, Lee’s Most Brilliant Person.

~*~

Showered and shaved, Lee ran down the steps wondering what Neji was planning. Hearing voices in the family room next to the kitchen, Lee wandered in and stopped in his tracks.

Neji stood next to a bay window speaking quietly to Lee’s uncle. Tenten and Ino sat on the ancient and oh-so-comfy couch talking in whispers. But it was the sight and sound of Sakura that surprised Lee the most. She stood with one hand on her hip, cell phone to her ear, and determination written all over her face.

“Don’t you dare take this lightly,” Sakura said with deadly intent into the phone. “I don’t care if you were kidding or not. We’ll be there by six. Have your part of the plan ready.” She clicked the phone shut and smiled at Lee.

“There you are,” Sakura said walking over and hugging him. “It’s good to see you, Lee.”

Lee smiled and blushed as he always did when Sakura was in the room. Lee was gay, not blind. She was just as beautiful as always.

“Thank you for coming, Sakura – everyone. But um…what is going on, exactly?”

Lee’s uncle clapped Neji on the shoulder affectionately and turned. “I’ll just leave you kids to it.” The elder man walked over to Lee and took his adopted nephew by the upper arms.

“Lee, you know I love you. I’m here for you no matter what, so if you need anything at all…”

Lee swallowed, understanding that this was quite the speech for his uncle. The man thought actions were always more impressive than words. Lee smiled and nodded.

“Thank you,” Lee said, his voice thick.

Lee’s uncle clapped Lee on the shoulder in the exact way he had Neji, and then he left the room.

“We’re here to cheer you up, Lee,” Tenten said from the couch.

“Oh, well, thank you but I do not really need-“

“It’s okay, Lee, we’re happy to do it,” Sakura said. “Neji’s filled us in on what’s happened so far, and we all agree his plan for moving forward makes sense. I’ve divided it into phases so that you don’t feel too overwhelmed. Now, Ino? Did you bring your scissors?”

Lee looked from Sakura to Ino and back to Sakura. “Scissors?” Lee’s brain struggled to connect sharp objects to improving his mood.

“We have a plan, Lee, but it’s going to involve some…changes for you,” Neji said.

“Got ‘em!” Ino said triumphantly as she pulled a pair of professional-looking scissors out of her purse. “Now, who wants to hold him down?”

“Hold me down…what?” Lee wasn’t sure if his nerves could take this today.

“Lee,” Sakura said, walking to him and putting her hands on his shoulders. She was nearly as tall as he was, so she looked him dead in the eye. “If you want to get Gai to pay attention to you, then you have to stop looking so much like him. Now, obviously, there’s much more to this than just physical appearance, but trust me when I say this is just the first part of the plan. We’re going to make that man realize what a gem you are and that he’s insane to just let you languish. So trust us, okay?”

Lee blinked. “Um…okay?”

“Good. Now sit over there and let Ino work. I’ve got a phone call or two to make. Neji?” Sakura looked expectantly at Neji and then pointed to Lee. Then she pivoted on one heel and left the room.

Sakura was truly a scarily driven woman.

Neji grabbed Lee and sat him down in a chair. Ino draped a towel around Lee’s shoulders, and Neji covered the floor with another one. Then the scissors started snipping and the hair falling. Lee wasn’t really concerned – his hair was just habit, after all. And besides…if his friends wanted to do all the thinking for him today of all days Lee was absolutely okay with that.

“Tenten? Product,” Ino demanded. Tenten smacked a pot of something that smelled like mint into the other girls’ hand. Ino artfully slathered the stuff into Lee’s thick hair, humming a little as she went.

“I did not know you cut hair, Ino.”

“Sure,” Ino said. “My mom taught me how.”

“Oh, Lee!” Tenten squealed. “You look so good!”

Ino handed Lee a mirror, and Lee got a good look at himself. His hair was shorter, choppier, and standing up in places like he just rolled out of bed.

“Um…thank you?” Lee managed. He would trust the girls’ judgment on this one.

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” Sakura called through the house.

“Someone else is here?” Lee asked Neji. Exactly how many people were on this so-called committee, anyway?

“Time for Phase II!” Tenten said enthusiastically. Neji rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

Lee stood up and turned to face the door just in time to see Sasuke walk into the room.

“Sasuke?” Lee choked.

“Lee,” the man replied. He looked impeccable as ever in skinny jeans and a complicated t-shirt arrangement that appeared to be made of several layers. His hair was flawless, skin pale and radiant, and eyes lined in the perfect amount of liner to make them appear huge and mysterious. Other than his self-satisfied expression, he was gorgeous, Lee thought.

Lee didn’t really want to ask what Phase II entailed if Sasuke was involved. He’d heard some fairly insane stories about him and Naruto.

“Lee, meet your fashion consultant,” Sakura said, gesturing to Sasuke.

“My what?” Lee asked.

“You’re going shopping with Sasuke for some clothes, now,” Neji said helpfully.

“And to the spa,” Sakura added. For some reason Neji actually grinned, covered his mouth, and shook his head.

Lee’s palms began to sweat.

“Ah, Sakura, that is extremely nice of you – and of Sasuke,” Lee said and nodded at the beautiful man. “But I really do not have the finances to shop where…ah, Sasuke would shop.” It was the most polite way to say that Sasuke spent more on a pair of shoes than Lee spent on his entire wardrobe.

“Oh don’t worry, Lee. It’s on Sasuke.”

“It is?” both Sasuke and Lee exclaimed at the same time.

“Yes,” Sakura said firmly. Then she turned to glare at Sasuke, deadly intent present again in her eyes and voice. “You. Owe. Me.”

Sasuke sighed through clenched teeth and nodded. He eyed Lee up and down.

“There might be hope,” he said skeptically.

“Excellent! Well, off you go. We’ll see you at six, right?” Sakura said.

Sasuke nodded and turned to leave. Neji gently pushed Lee toward the door.

“Have fun!” Tenten called. “Don’t worry – we’ll clean out your closet to make room for all your new stuff.”

Lee whipped his head to look desperately at Tenten and then at Neji.

“And I’ll make sure they don’t throw away anything vital,” Neji comforted Lee. “Now go.”

Lee followed Sasuke out the front door and nearly tripped down the steps when he saw the limousine parked in front of his house. Of course Sasuke traveled around in a limo; what else would the fussiest heir of the Uchiha fortune do for transportation?

Without pausing, Sasuke walked across the grass and waited as the driver leapt out of the vehicle to hold the door open for him. Sasuke stopped with one leg in the car and hand on the door.

“Well?” Sasuke said. “Are you coming or not?”

“Sorry!” Lee stammered and ran to the car. He slid in after Sasuke and then settled uncomfortably on the plush leather.

“Fashion Center, Carl,” Sasuke called. Then he crossed his legs and swung one boot-clad foot as he opened a little compartment next to the wet bar.

“Xanex?” Sasuke asked conversationally, holding out a bottle to Lee.

“Ah, no thank you,” Lee said.

“Hn,” was the reply. Sasuke shrugged and popped a pill into his mouth with practiced ease, washing it down with a sip of sparkling water.

“You might change your mind about that later,” he said cryptically.

Lee really didn’t think he would, but his palms continued to sweat. Lee and Sasuke weren’t exactly the closest of friends, and the intense dark-haired man made Lee nervous for reasons he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

But one thing was for certain: there was too much going on to even think about last night or anything other than surviving his “Phase II” time with Sasuke. Lee eyed the man from the corner of his eye and tried to enjoy his first time in a limousine.

~*~