In the cold of space you find the heat of suns

Thank you for the reviews. They inspire me to continue this story. A particular mention for kanazerosukenaru who left the 500th review.

Apologies if the characters have grown differently in their new environment.

Spacer crews travel the Far Borders and the Fringe of occupied space, trading. Spacing is an ancient and honourable profession carved out by millenniums. Most spacers start out as fourteen-year-old boys seeking a future. Few survive a decade spacing.

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79. Atonement

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They had pushed the Dart to its limits and jumped far too often for comfort but they brought the gestators to the Jewel system on the soonest possible day.

Haku knew why Sasuke had sent him on the Dart. He suspected that Sasuke was in the docking bay for the same reason.

“Walk with me,” Sasuke asked.

Haku walked beside him but said nothing.

“He doesn’t remember,” Sasuke told him. “There is nothing for the last eleven or twelve standards, from before the massacre, and there are gaps from before that. He knows what he did to you but only because Kisame has told him.” He took a deep breath. “I know you hate him. I know you have the right to demand his death. I am asking you not to do so. For Kisame’s sake and for mine.”

It was as Haku had feared. “Tell me how it is between him and Kisame,” he requested.

Sasuke did not look at him. “They are close,” he admitted. “Like they used to be.”

“Fucking?” Haku asked.

Sasuke stopped. “I doubt it. No. Haku, it isn’t my place to tell you why Itachi is the way he is.”

Haku halted a little way along the corridor and turned to face him. “If you want to save his life, I suggest you forget such niceties.”


They went to Sasuke’s office and sat in opposite chairs. Haku waited. He refused to make it easier.

“You have some idea what my father was like,” Sasuke began. “I know that some of the fighters will have told you.”

“Some of it,” Haku admitted.

Sasuke took a deep breath. His eyes were shut. “What Father did to them he also did to Itachi. Itachi had no one but Father. No mother. No carer. All he wanted was some love, or even some approval. Instead he was beaten and...” he trailed off.

“Then he reached fourteen and was sent to be cat,” he continued. “He got away. He made friends with Kisame. They came up with a way of making Father stop. The vow of a Companion supersedes even that of an elite fighter to his clan leader; if Father laid a finger on him, Kisame would kill him. Father was furious.

“But the worst of the damage was done. Itachi was left the way he is.

Sasuke looked at him. “So, no, I do not think he and Kisame are fucking.”


Haku was defeated. He knew that. Itachi was recast as victim rather than psychotic killer. “What do the others say?” he asked. “What did Asuma say?”

“They have agreed not to kill him,” Sasuke confirmed. “Asuma does not trust him, but he has agreed to the idea of getting a Centralite Therapist to analyse his mind. We need to know the extent and nature of the memory loss. The Therapist will also tell us how stable he is. I have promised to kill him if he reverts.”

Haku doubted that. “Where will he live? In my crew room?” he asked.

Sasuke flinched. “I have not got that far,” he admitted. “He has given up the Uchiha name. He is sworn to me. Haku, are you going to demand his life?” he asked.

“I have not decided. I refuse to decide until I have seen him,” Haku answered. “Aren’t you due to go back to the surface, Sasuke-sama?” he asked pointedly. “We did not push ourselves to our limits to have the gestators idling here on the Oak.”


The evening meal was a sorry affair. Shino and Anko were too exhausted to do more than chew and swallow. Haku knew he would be the same if it were not for the thoughts of Itachi and Kisame that refused to go away.

Choza had cooked some of Haku’s favourite foods, which was kind of him but it meant that Haku had to eat and he had to be appreciative. He managed both, but it was exhausting.

Kunugi was completely silent.

Inoichi was looking at him with hopeful eyes; the very last thing Haku felt like was indulging one of Inoichi’s fantasies.

Konohamaru was avoiding his gaze. Haku guessed that his relationship with Inari had moved into a new phase. He wondered who was fucking whom, or whether they were taking turns.

Sumaru was his usual taciturn self.

Even Tayuya was quiet.

Iruka was watching him.


The cats and Sumaru cleared away, cleaned up in record time and vanished. Choza took Inoichi and Kunugi away. Shino and Anko went to bed.

Iruka poured Haku tea.

“Do you want to talk about it, or should I tell you what had been happening?” Iruka asked.

The last think Haku wanted was to talk. “Tell me,” he decided.


He listened in silence. They had been modifying Iruka’s crew room to accommodate the kits. Apparently they came with a nursemaid, a dog-human hybrid called Kiba. There were issues about transferring the kits to the new gestators, so it was uncertain how long the others would have to stay on the surface. He had been right; Konohamaru and Inari were fucking like rabbits. Apparently Kono-kun had persuaded Inari to let him fuck him only to have the tables turned; Inari was nailing Kono-kun to every available surface as often as their duties allowed.

“It won’t last.” Iruka observed.

Haku agreed. It would burn itself out or Konohamaru would rebel against the notion that Inari was dominant in the relationship.

“I expect you are missing Kakashi-san,” Haku commented.

Iruka coloured slightly, which was rather endearing. “Yes, we have never been apart this long since we met. Haku, have you decided about Itachi?”

Haku sighed. “The truth or what I told Sasuke?”

“Both would be useful,” Iruka admitted.

“I would be crazy to demand Itachi’s life,” Haku admitted. “Whatever he says, Sasuke would never forgive me and Lady knows what Kisame would do, probably walk out the nearest airlock. I told Sasuke I would need to see Itachi before deciding but I just wanted to show him how hard it is. I will move Naruto’s room so that Itachi can be next to Kisame.” He shuddered. “By the Lady, I hope he is different.”


He was, which helped a little. He was much thinner and a great deal quieter. He looked older but seemed younger. Kisame treated him as if he were made of glass, which hurt.

Haku showed him to his room. Itachi looked about and then, without warning, knelt at Haku’s feet and touched his forehead to the floor.

“Kisame told me what I did to you, Haku-san. I cannot offer you my life because Sasuke-sama holds it. Is there anything I can offer you in reparation?”

Haku tasted an opportunity for revenge. “Sit on the bed,” he ordered. Itachi did so and Haku sat on the chair. “Tell Kisame that you and I are going to talk and that he is not to interfere.”

Kisame began objecting but was cut off by a look from Itachi that was reminiscent of the Itachi of old. “Wait outside, please,” Itachi asked.

Haku was more direct. “We will leave the door open, but you sit over there,” he pointed to a place in the shared part of the crew room. His chin came up. “You should be grateful I have not slit his throat, Kisame-san.”

Kisame reluctantly went to sit in the place indicated.


“I loathe you,” Haku began in a voice that was little more than a whisper. “I loathed you long before you all but killed me. We spaced together, you, me and Kisame...”

He did not hold back. Haku told him all of it. The killings. What it was like when Itachi fucked him. The bizarre role play with Haku dressed as Sasuke.

Then he described in minute detail the way Itachi had treated Kisame, what Haku had done about it and how Itachi had reacted.

Finally, he moved on to what had happened when Kisame had turned up on the Oak with Itachi’s comatose body.

“That was how you should have stayed,” Haku told him. “That was the plan. We kept your body going so that Kisame-san would not kill himself. Then we looked after him. I looked after him. In ways you could never do. In ways you would never be willing to do. And he was content, maybe not happy but content.

“Every day he would go and sit next to you in the tank and talk to you. That was fine because you were unconscious. You could not twist the knife you have buried in his heart.

“Only now you are here and he will suffer. Even if you are nice to him he will suffer because you are this cold, empty shell of a human being who can never give him what he needs.”

Haku leaned back. He had finished. Itachi’s skin was a bloodless; an unhealthy sallow. Haku stood up and left.

---

Kisame watched Haku walk away. He knew he should be grateful that Haku’s knife had stayed in its sheath, but he dreaded what had been said. He walked to the doorway to Itachi’s room.

Itachi was a little pale but he smiled. “I can see why you like him,” he said. “He is very lovely and very kind.”

Kisame’s mind scrabbled for any hint of purchase. Yes, Haku could be kind, but to Itachi?

“Come in,” Itachi insisted. “Shut the door. We should talk.”

Kisame closed the door and sat on the chair.

“I want you to continue your relationship with Haku-san,” Itachi told him.

So Haku had told him. “But...” Kisame began.

“No buts,” Itachi interrupted. “I cannot do that for you. It makes me feel guilty. It would make me feel better if I knew that Haku-san was seeing to your needs.”

Kisame was struggling. He remembered the scene that had followed Itachi catching them in the shower. “It never made you feel better in the past,” he complained. “You threatened to castrate both of us.”

Itachi smiled; at least Kisame thought it might be a smile.

“I don’t remember,” Itachi reminded him. “Please, Kisame. Do this for me. It will mean we can be close without me worrying about it being unfair on you.”

Kisame liked the idea of being physically close to Itachi. He also, he had to confess, enjoyed Haku’s ministrations. Would it be so wrong to have both? Was he completely and utterly crazy to even think it?

He was distracted from the thought by Itachi moving towards him. He shifted his position on the chair so that Itachi could sit on this lap.

“Please?” Itachi repeated.

“Perhaps,” Kisame admitted.

Itachi was very quiet and very still.

“If you are sure it will make you feel better,” Kisame conceded.

Itachi relaxed and laid his head on Kisame’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered.


They sat like that for some time. Then Itachi touched the blacked-out plaque in Kisame’s forehead.

“I do not like seeing this like this,” he told him. “I would be happier if it were as it was but in your lockbox.”

Sasuke had said that Kisame could keep the plaque but he could not wear it; Itachi was no longer Uchiha.

“I will see Rin,” Kisame promised.

Itachi touched his cheek. “Good,” he acknowledged, then slid off Kisame’s lap and onto his feet. “I would like to rest now, before the evemeal.”

Kisame recognised the dismissal. He stood up. Itachi opened the door for him and closed it behind him.


He was still more than a little dazed. His feet were taking him towards the infirmary, presumably because he had told Itachi he would speak to Rin.

She was not there. Only Sumaru was there, sitting beside the tank containing his mother’s body. He looked up and seemed pleased to see Kisame.

“Kisame-san,” he said.

“Suma-kun,” Kisame replied. “Have you seen Rin-san?”

“She is with Naruto-san, Shino-san and Kiba-san connecting up the new gestators,” Sumaru told him. “Think of it, Kisame-san, nine babies.”

“I thought that three were many,” Kisame admitted. In the old Uchiha, babies had been locked away in nurseries. He could not see Naruto agreeing to that. “I foresee much hiding in the gym under the guise of training, Suma-kun.”

Sumaru sniggered.

It was good to see the lad smile and it hurt to see him sadden as his gaze went back to the tank.

“How is Natsuhi-san?” he asked.

“There is no change,” Sumaru told him. “Her spirit left long ago.” He blinked back tears. “I spoke with Naruto-san when he was here last time. We discussed letting her body go to her spirit.”

Kisame moved closer and laid a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Have you decided what you wish to do, Suma-kun?”

Sumaru nodded. “I want to let her go.”

“Then you should speak with Sasuke-sama,” Kisame advised. “Do you know where he is? Is he helping with the gestators?”

“No, the room is too small for four people, never mind five. Kiba-san started growling. Sasuke-sama told Naruto that he would be in his office.”

Kisame could imagine. “Then I suggest we pay a visit to Sasuke-sama.”


Sasuke did not look displeased to see them. He listened carefully to Sumaru’s request that his mother’s body be allowed to die. They discussed ceremonies with Sasuke keeping careful notes of what Sumaru had decided and what he would like to think about. Sasuke promised that he would speak to Rin-san and then Sumaru insisted that he would be fine walking back to the crew room alone.


“How did it go between Itachi and Haku?” Sasuke asked once Sumaru had gone.

Kisame shuddered. “I am not sure. Itachi is still alive. Haku talked to him for a long time and Itachi listened. Now Itachi is insisting that he wants me to fuck Haku.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows shot up. “That is unexpected,” he admitted.

“It is terrifying,” Kisame confessed.

---

Halfway through being tortured by Haku, Itachi had an epiphany.

The man Haku was describing was distressingly familiar.

Over the last eleven standards Itachi had become his father.


Then, as Haku described Kisame’s life on the Oak, Itachi realised that the memory loss was a gift; his opportunity for redemption.

He would begin with Kisame.

Haku was gorgeous. He was obviously very fond of Kisame. Perhaps Kisame was equally fond of him.

Itachi fought the surge of jealousy that threatened to overwhelm him. It would be different if he could tolerate Kisame fucking him but he could not. Even if he could, Kisame would never do it.

Manipulating Kisame into agreeing was easy; it was clear that Kisame missed very much what Haku had done for him.


Having achieved his objective, Itachi persuaded Kisame that he wanted to sleep for a while before the evemeal. As soon as Kisame was out of earshot, Itachi began training. It was easier now that his arm was out of the regenerator. He showered. Then he sat and combed out his hair.

He decided he liked his room. It gave him privacy. It would make it easier.


As he performed the familiar routines, Itachi examined his plan. He would return Kisame to a state of contentment. He would do all he could to make him happy.

He would learn to live with Kisame fucking Haku.

He looked into the small mirror and thought of Kisame with Haku. The jealousy he felt showed in his face. Itachi erased the expression. He practiced smiling.


Fear had been his enermy when he faced his father. Now it was jealousy. He had eliminated his fear. He would do the same to his jealousy.


He dressed, slid open the door and scanned the room beyond. There was only a little time before the evemeal. Kisame was not in the crew room.

Itachi ventured forth. Several of the others were there, but they ignored him. Then Haku glided into his field of view. He was dressed in a kimono. He looked spectacular.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked.

Itachi bowed and then stood very straight. “I would like to thank you, Haku-san, for your frankness earlier. It is better for me to know. Kisame is my oldest and closest friend. I thank you for what you have done for him. I would be grateful if you would continue to look after him. I know that he would appreciate it greatly.”

Haku gawped at him. Itachi savoured the moment. “Haku-san?” he asked in a concerned tone.

Haku pulled himself together. He smiled, if something so false could be described as a smile. “It would be my pleasure. I am very fond of Kisame-san”

Any satisfaction at Haku’s reaction was swamped by a wave of jealousy. Itachi schooled his expression. He also smiled. “And he is very fond of you, Haku-san,” he replied.

Itachi became aware that they had an audience. A number of single eyes were looking at them with fascinated amazement.


Kisame walked into the crew room. Every eye went to him. Itachi saw him slow as he spotted them together but he kept moving. He sat down on one of the couches.

Itachi bowed slightly, “Haku-san,” he acknowledged and went to sit next to Kisame.

Haku did not bow in return. He stood and looked beautiful until Itachi settled onto the couch. Then he glided away into the galley.

Kisame looked at Itachi with trepidation.

Itachi smiled his best smile for him.


The evemeal was hard. Itachi told himself that he had been through much worse. He was exquisitely polite, particularly to those who were rude to him. At least the abuse was not physical; no one dared even jostle him. Itachi allowed the words, the silences and the looks run off his surface. He was alive. Fugaku was dead. He was with Kisame. He could derive joy from studying the man Sasuke had become.


Haku asked Sasuke to play the biwa. Sasuke hesitated but the others wanted it; Itachi realised that it was one of their rituals. At least no one expected him to be there. He sat in the other crew room with Kisame. Tendrils of music drifted through from the other crew room via the galley.

It was beautiful.

It cut deep.


Then Haku was gliding through the galley towards them. Like the music, he was beautiful. Itachi stood up. He carefully and formally excused himself. He insisted that Kisame stay and keep Haku company. He did not look back as he walked towards his room. He heard the rustle of silk behind him as Haku sat down next to Kisame.

He shut the door and leaned against it. This was the first of many such days. They stretched before him; his punishment for the atrocities he had committed.

This was better than the life he deserved.

And he must live it.

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