Purple Cocaine Prison

Warning(s): See Previous Chapters
Disclaimer: Not Mine.


Bombshell-Boy Syndrome:
Positive:
Occurs when you come in contact with someone attractive. Symptoms included spazzing out, loss of overall motor skills, drooling, excessive blushing, and an inability to refrain from starring and lame attempts at conversation. Basically, it’s like ‘SHAZAM!’ happening when you see or come in contact with someone you find exotic in the looks department.
Negative:
Can also occur when you’ve just been dumped and or ignored/brushed off by someone who was either important to you or someone you were attracted to; the equivalent of being seriously bummed.

Please Read, Review and Enjoy!

~!@!~

‘Purple Cocaine Prison’
Bombshell-Boy Syndrome

~!@!~

It has got to be sometime after midnight and I’m feeling less inclined to want to get up tomorrow

Last time I got up to check the time in the kitchen, it’d been past midnight. It’s kinda dark in my place and I can feel myself going a little stir crazy. I had to face facts: I wasn’t getting any sleep anytime soon.

With that in mind, I realize that the next logical step would be to get out and get some air…the kind that clears your head and helps you rationalize that you are in fact sane…even when the events leading up to your sleeplessness prove otherwise.

So, right, I need to get out of here. Shika and Haku are sound asleep so it’s not like they’re going to miss me.

Pulling on a shirt, I leave my apartment, barefoot, and head for the top floor. I haven’t decided if I’m still going to just get air or if I’m going to jump off the roof and end my misery.

It also occurs to me that I haven’t been around to see the stupid grandma in a while and somehow, I feel like talking to her.

In the elevators, I count aloud as the floors go up. Once I get up there, I head for the only apartment on the floor; the hag doesn’t really favor company.

Looking under the shabby welcome mat, I spot her spare key and open the door quietly as I can manage.

Inside is pitch dark, if not for the faint moonlight bathing the place, but I’m not worried about finding my way around since her place is roughly the same as everyone elses, if not a little bigger.

I pass by her living room, catching a glimpse of her horrifying new d?or and continue down the hall, past the bathroom, down the darkest part of the hallway, and stop when I reach the door to her bedroom.

Taking a minute to listen for movement out side her door and hearing nothing, not even her snoring, I turn the doorknob quietly and slip into the room.

At first glance, that lumpy thing occupying the bed doesn’t even faintly seem to have a woman’s shape, but I’m pretty sure that it’s the hag.

Padding softly into the room, making as little noise as hardwood floor allows, I come to stand next to the bed. Peering hard and squinting I pick apart certain things that I can see: strands of beige-blonde hair peeking out from under the sheets, a pale hand with a bold metal ring on the thumb and an edge of bright green silk pajama.

Taking a deep breath, knowing that I may not live to regret this, I shake her.

For a second, I actually think that she’s not getting up, but just as I take my hand away and start to turn, the sheets covering the lump are thrown back with a force that kicks up a draft and the lump rises up: a bright green face, matching the silk pajamas, blond tentacles for hair and mouth opening in a soundless grunt.

Freezing on the spot, on the verge of shouting, I grab for the pillow and conk the damn thing on the head in self-defense and watch, amazed as the zombie sinks back into the sheets moaning faintly.

After a minute or so, me standing frozen at the side of the bed, the pillow clutched protectively to my chest, the moaning ebbs away and the lump tells me, pretty clearly: “Fucking brat”

Sighing in sheer relief, I drop the pillow and start laughing…

~!@!~

“Who the hell told you that you could crawl into people’s apartments, after midnight no less, like a sexual predator, and disturb my beauty sleep just to ask me a question? And another thing, you do realize that I’m your landlord, right? Piss me off enough and your outta here”

With the horrifying kiwi facemask washed off and the hair somewhat brushed down, I have an easier time taking the hag seriously.

I would say something rude about how no sexual predator in his right mind, or even out of it, would go after a wench like her, but my arm is still smarting from where she punched me and I’m not really interested in seconds. Nursing the green tea she gave me, I bathe my tongue in the hot liquid and smile at the way it feels against my piercing.

Tsunade-Hag stops grumbling and fixes her eyes on me in a way that makes me freeze. Slowly, she shakes her head and sits down heavily across from me, “So…why did you come and wake me up at…” she leans away from the table to check the clock before turning back to me with a possibly more irritated expression then she had before, “…two thirty seven in the morning…”

Grinning, I just swallow my mouthful of tea and shrug, “I needed someone to bother and I knew you’d be up for it”

A vein pops up just above her right eye and she winces at me, slowly picking up her own mug, “Your too old to be needing to creep into someone else personal space for comfort…I’m not your damn mother”

Sighing forcefully, she studies the inside of her mug.

That makes me grin: she’s not my mother, but she might just be the closest thing I’ve ever had to one.

And anyway, I feel more settled in my own skin being in her place, with her close by, then I’ve been since what happened a few hours ago.

I don’t tell her that though…it’d be gross if we suddenly got soft on each other.

“So”, Tsunade- Hag says conversationally, “You never did tell me what was wrong”

I curl up on the chair I’m sitting in and study the vase of lilacs sitting in the middle of the table, “My life’s gotten too complicated compared to when nothing was going on in it…and I don’t hate it, but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass to deal with, all at once, but it’s fun, a little, too…and besides all that, I don’t seem to be able to draw anymore”

Tsunade-Hag exhales slowly, “You damn brat: dealing with people is part of growing up. I have to admit I thought you’d never have to deal with it but…”

Flaring up, I toss my empty mug at her, which she catches easily.

She shakes her head and smirks, “You should be happy to have so many people surrounding you. Besides, it was bound to happen sometime: you’re too loud and obnoxious to ignore and you do seem to have this ability to bring people together”

I grin, “Yeah?”

She casually sips her tea, “Yeah, cause I don’t really make it a habit of letting strays stay in my apartments if they don’t have papers or parents…and are underage to boot”

I laugh: she always knows how to make a guy feel better in her own backwards way.

“Now”, she says, getting all bossy-hag on me, “Spill the real beans”

I explain about Neji and Sasuke and Gaara as best I can without making anyone seem more evil then the other and without holding back the gory details.

Finishing, I sit back, “So, it can’t exactly be healthy to be letting everyone on the planet kiss me”

Tsunade-Hag might have been surprised but she doesn’t show it. She gets up and gets herself a drink. Settling across from me again, she pours a small amount of sake into a palm cup and studies the lilacs the way I was.

Pouting, I squint at her, “You know, people don’t give good advice when they’re drunk”

Barely moving her lips, she answers, “You’d be surprised what I can do when I’m drunk, ya damn brat. Now shut up a lemme think”

Feeling rebellious, I cross my arms and wait for her to say something. After a few minutes of total silence, my patience runs out, “You really are a dumb old cow with a drinking problem!”

She reaches across the table, almost faster then I can see and punches me hard in the shoulder, “Be quiet!”

I yelp sharply and fall, irately, silent. Better to let her think in peace then to risk being mashed to bits bothering her at it.

Her lips pucker in her concentration and I feel myself wanting to laugh. She has that effect on people: one second your miserable in her company and the next you on the verge of laughing your ass off.

The longer she muses over my problem, the more stupid I feel for telling her.

The truth is Gaara, for one, will always be Gaara. Granted, he’s a little odd, but he’s more likely to have kissed me to shock then anything else. On the other hand, Sasuke isn’t so bad to deal with anymore as long as I avoid pissing him off too much.

Tsunade-Hag interrupts my thoughts with a short laugh, “You know what I think? Your just willing to tolerate certain things to maintain these friends of yours”

It’s my turn to look clueless and she pours herself another cup before deciding to elaborate, “You let that Sasuke guy pick on you. You don’t seem to ask much of that Neji guy, so you don’t know a lot about him either and you kinda ignore the fact that Gaara is a little odd. You’d rather make allowances then loose people that are important to you”

I’d rather not look stupid so I say: “Isn’t that a good thing?”

She grins and sips her drink, “You tell me”

I shrug, “Maybe, maybe not. It confuses me, though”

Tsunade-Hag chases a few drops at the bottom of her cup with a finger, “What’s more confusing? The fact that your willing to make these allowances or the fact that your not thinking of ways to change this system?”

I didn’t think of the latter and was definitely wondering about the first one so I say: “Both, I guess”

She smiles crookedly, her blond hair falling into her face as she folds her arms on the table and rests her head on them, “Think about what bothers you more: the why or the how?”

We fall silent for a minute while I give the matter some thought and she sighs, her breath ruffling the petals of the lilac flower closest to her face.

I chew my bottom lip, “Even if I wanted to change, how do I?”

She laughs quietly and shrugs, “You tell me, I’m too old to strain myself thinking these kind of things over”

That makes me laugh cause she looks twenty something when she’s actually fifty. Her personality is what gives her away.

Something else occurs to me but before I can ask, she sits up and eyes me, “No more questions. I’m going to bed and your going to find someplace to crash; here or upstairs, I don’t care”

“But-“

Tsunade-Hag’s face gets real scary for a minute but instead of beating on me, she deliberately pours a cup of sake and sets it down in front of me, “Drink that without chocking and I’ll answer one more question”

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m pretty gullible. I’ve had a drink or too before, and it’s not something I’m really into, but I figure this can’t be any worse then chugging beer, which was pretty bad by itself.

I take the palm cup and swallow everything.

I literally start coughing the second the stuff hits my throat.

Tsunade-Hag laughs her ass all the way to the kitchen entrance, “G’night, brat”

She disappears down the hall and I listen to her bedroom door open and close softly.

I sit there for a few more minutes, my eyes watering and my throat on fire and the most I can think to do is smile.

She might not have given me any straight answers but she did help me gets a better look at the picture and like I said, she really does know how to make a guy feel better, even in that backwards way of hers

~!@!~

I escape the hag’s apartment and go home to mine. I collapse onto my red velvet couch and curl up using the throw-over.

Half lying on the couch, submerged in my thoughts, I don’t hear Haku come into the living room.

“Can’t sleep?”

He leans over the back of my sofa to gives me the eye.

Curled up in the pullover, ‘trying’ to sleep, it does take me more then a minute to answer, “Not really”

Haku, who borrowed a massive t-shirt of mine, looks like he’s wearing a nightgown, “Want to talk?”

I roll over and sit up enough to make space for him.

Haku smiles slightly and sits down next to me, taking a corner of the pullover and stretching it to cover both of us, “Sooo, anything on your mind?”

I grin tiredly, “You’d drop dead if I told you”

Haku smiles lightly, “Being your best friend should’ve already killed me. I’m still here because I’m resilient”

Sitting in the near dark, I try to look at Haku’s face. I don’t see much aside from his hair, tucked behind his ears and his bright brown eyes, “Promise not to freak out?”

Haku purses his lips before laughing, “I can’t. Every time I skip out to take care of something, you always have something shocking to tell me when I get back”

I laugh quietly, “Fine. You ask the questions then”

Haku moves so that his shoulder is touching mine, “Firstly, whatever possessed you to get that piercing?”

I laugh. I should’ve known that he’d ask that before anything else. Smiling guiltily, I tell him the truth, “I was kinda conned into it”

Haku stares at me hard, “Explain to me how you can be ‘conned’ into something like that?”

I smile and try to sound serious, “Her name is Patsy and she’s an expert”

Haku pinches my arm, “Idiot. Didn’t Gaara say anything to stop you?”

I don’t answer and Haku sighs, “Of course he wouldn’t, he’s Gaara”

I laugh at the despairing tone in Haku’s voice. You’d think I’d signed a contract to have my body donated to science instead of just having gotten a piercing, “Is it really that bad?”

Haku pinches me again instead of answering.

After a moment, he continues with his Spanish Inquisition, “I heard from Shika that Sasuke slept over”

I pause. Shika told Haku that? He wouldn’t have even known…unless Gaara told him. Biting my lip, I try not to sound bothered, “So?”

Haku sighs, “We are talking about Uchiha Sasuke right? The guy who used to beat you into pulp back in Junior High?”

I laugh, “He’s not so bad”

Haku smiles, “Maybe not, but he’s not exactly safe either, is he?”

I stop smiling.

Haku’s right when he says that. Sasuke doesn’t beat me up anymore but maybe it would’ve been easier on me if he still hated my guts instead of wanting them for his private collection. Being noticed by Sasuke can mean one of two crappy scenarios: he either likes you as a toy or as a punching bag. Not one is better then the other, sadly.

Haku notices my silence, “Did he do anything to you?”

I wonder if I’ll regret saying this later on, “Well, not yesterday”

Haku frowns at me, “But before?”

I shrug, “He kissed me once”

Haku falls silent. For a second, I worry that he might be disgusted with me. I may have been able to stop it at the time but I hadn’t felt the need to. I was as much to blame for what happened as Sasuke was. All he did was take advantage of the fact that I was mostly willing.

“Does Neji know?”

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. I was hopping the conversation wouldn’t take this turn so fast, but hoping never helped anybody, “No”

Haku pokes me in the side, “Anything else I should know?”

He doesn’t sound mad, but he’s adopting that motherly voice that means he’ll be lecturing me in a minute. Sighing, I decide to let the other cat out of the bag, especially since his twin is already climbing walls and shitting in people’s gardens, “Gaara kissed me too”

Haku doesn’t say anything for a minute. Shifting, he runs a hand through his hair, “Sasuke I can understand…but are you sure Gaara wasn’t just joking?”

That kinda surprises me, “What do you mean?”

Haku grins, “You know better then any of us that Gaara has a side of him that likes, especially, shocking people. Besides, he sticks to you like a brother would so I don’t think he’d make a serious move on you”

Now that Haku mentions it, I think he’s right, “Yeah, Gaara is a little special”

Haku’s smile widens, “Spontaneous, really”

Grinning, I shake my head, “More like weird”

Haku nods, “But in a good way”

I grin back, “Definitely in a good way”

Haku nods then shrugs, “Besides, I thought he liked Sasuke”

That throws me for a loop, “Now you’re the one who’s joking, right?”

Haku smiles, “Shika thinks so”

I stop to think it over instead of hyperventilating.

For one, Sasuke is always trying to piss me off. He doesn’t get along very well with Neji and they are both always trying to show each other up. It’s not far fetched to think that Sasuke is just stirring up my emotions because he can. He knows that I like Neji, but he also is an expert at messing with people and because of my closeness to Neji he figures he can get to Neji through me.

And on the other hand, I really can’t see Gaara being anything other then a brother to me, not because he isn’t attractive or anything, but more because he represents the kind of comfort that I actually haven’t found anywhere else. If I ever had a brother in the first place, I’m sure he would’ve been like Gaara.

And if Gaara actually likes Sasuke then things might actually work out. If Sasuke ends up liking Gaara back then he’ll have no reason to chase after me.

Sasuke is actually more emotional then any one person can give him credit for but hides it behind being a wise-ass and bossy, whereas Gaara has better control of his emotions and knows how to sort them out and keep them in check if the way he always keeps cool in most situations is any indication.

In Gaara’s case though, he’s pretty intolerant of people and has a quick temper while Sasuke, who is always surrounded by people, knows how to deal with them better then Gaara does.

They might seem like they wouldn’t get along, but Gaara has an inner stability and self-confidence that Sasuke could stand to have rub off on him and Sasuke has an ease with people and a knack for understanding emotions that Gaara could learn from.

But that’s only if they hook up…and only if Gaara does actually like Sasuke.

Because I don’t have enough to go on, I don’t mention to Haku anything that just went trough my head. Besides, if I told him that I had the sudden urge to play matchmaker, he’d seriously put me off it and I can’t have that.

“Hmmm”, I answer vaguely.

Haku laughs, “You don’t sound convinced”

I grin and shrug my shoulder, “Sounds a little freaky, you don’t think?”

Haku smiles knowingly, “You’d say that…”

“And you wouldn’t?” I answer, curious.

Haku clams up and answers me with a laugh.

I think Haku has matchmaking on his mind as much as I do.

I frown and steer the conversation back to what was serious, “Why are letting me off the hook so easily?”

Haku muses for a minute, “I’m not really letting you off the hook, I’m tryin to make you understand that if Neji is the most important of the three to you, then you should try not to entertain the other two by letting them think that you are available when you’re otherwise not. You’re old enough to know what is important and what you can do without. You should just take a minute to consider if you can live without Neji and if you can, then there isn’t anything anyone can do about it, right?”

That shuts me up and makes me think. I admit that openly telling Gaara that I’m attached won’t matter anyway since he’s like a brother to me but in Sasuke’s case, he’s just trying to screw me over.

This, I mention to Haku.

Haku grins ruefully, “Even if he really is just playing around with you, it’d still be important to tell Neji about it”

He pauses when he sees the face I make, “I know it might seem like a last resort, but if Neji is aware that Sasuke is messing with you and decides to interfere, which only he can, being your boyfriend, then maybe Sasuke will be less inclined to chase after you?”

The man has a point, “I guess so”

Haku nudges closer to me and yawns, “If you trust Neji and you believe in your feelings for him then you should be able to tell him what’s been going on. It might be hard but your relationship will be stronger because of it”

I smile and snuggle back, “You should quit watching so much Dr. Phil”

Haku laughs quietly, “That was advice from Cosmo, thank you very much”

Laughing, we curl up, leaning on each other, and finally fall asleep.

~!@!~

“You’re not wearing that”

Shika is perched on the edge of my bed and eyeing the navy blue mechanics suit I’m wearing overtop my clothes.

I roll my eyes at him, “It’s just for the weather!”

Since it’s been raining all morning, I don’t dare go out with just an umbrella. Besides, I’m going to Neji’s house and I can’t dress anything less then perfect, which conflicts with the fact that I’ll need to bundle up to combat the rain.

Haku is nose deep in his Bio textbook, “What’s wrong with it?”

Shika raises an eyebrow at him, “You better look at him before you say that. He looks like a garbage man”

Honestly, Shika can be pretty mean when he wants to be. I’d bet anything that he’s mad at me for letting Sasuke sleep over or something equally anal.

Haku looks up at me, “It’s not bad really”

Shika just shakes his head, defeated.

Smirking, I stick my tongue out at Shika, careful not to let my piercing scrape my teeth because it’s a little sore.

Shika give me his best ‘Eat-shit-and-die’ look before disappearing down the hall and into my kitchen.

Sitting next to Haku, I read over his shoulder, “What’s eating him?”

Haku laughs lightly, “He’s actually more against your piercing then I am and he’s been bothered about it since yesterday when he called me to come over”

I scratch the back of my head, “Why does he care so much? It’s my body, isn’t it?”

Haku shuts his book and sits up, “Yes but you know how much he always likes to look after you, he’s practically your big brother”

“More like my dad”, I mutter back.

Haku shrugs, “What are you wearing under that?”

I wink at him, “None of your business”

Haku laughs and shoves me off the bed. Laughing at each other, we head into the kitchen where Shika is making breakfast.

I can tell he’s set on sulking to show me how happy he is with me and I plan on ignoring him. I have a big day ahead of me.

I woke up this morning with reality having shifted back into place in the five or six hours Haku and I had slept on the couch.

Basically, I’m going to ignore what happened with Gaara; the guy is practically family by now.

As for Sasuke, I’ve been dealing with him ok. He could still use some manners and anger management and a new, slightly less inflated ego but he’s doing all right.

My real problem is Neji.

I’ve been keeping secrets from him and I’ve decided to spill ‘em. It will probably turn out badly, knowing Neji but I own it to him. Anyway, it’s about time I grew my balls back. I’ve alone a long time; it’s not going to kill me to let go.

Hurt deeply, sure, but not kill…

So, basically, I’m a man on a mission.

Shika can sulk till the world ends and I won’t care; I’ve got things to do…

~!@!~

After getting off the bus, I look around to make sure that I’m in the right place. Tilting back my bright orange umbrella, I gaze up the street at the massive, mansion-like estates and start walking up the block.

The street is lined with gated properties and tall trees, the kind that are thirty years old and still growing. It’s also eerily silently apart from the pitter-patter of the rain and my humming.

Stopping, I pull the piece of paper I used to write Neji’s address out of my pocket and check the number of the house: 2103.

Pausing, I glance at the gate I’m standing in front of and realize that I’m in the right place. Clueless, I walk up to the gate and look for a way in.

After a minute or so, I notice the intercom box and head over to it. Before I can even press the call button, the humongo black gates swing slowly open.

Standing, dumbfounded, I watch someone make his or her way out to me.

I recognize Neji once he’s barely a few feet away.

Coming to stand next to me, Neji smiles faintly. A little at a loss for words, still, I just watch him getting wetter by the second.

Neji is wearing a sleeveless silver shirt and black jeans with a black sash tied around his waist. His hair, steadily getting wetter by the second, changes from its rich dark brown to near black. All of it is tossed casually over his left shoulder and settling more heavily as the water increases it’s weight.

When some common sense finally gets into me, I hold my umbrella over him and grin, “What are you doing out here?”

I reach up, reflexively, and wipe the raindrops off his cheeks.

Neji shrugs, wet hair sliding off his shoulder and smiling amusedly, “You looked lost”

Not really listening, I stand on tiptoe and tuck his hair behind his ear and brush his bangs out of his face. Realizing what I’m doing a second too late, I stand back and have the decency to blush.

Trying to mask my embarrassment, I raise an eyebrow at him, “How could you have seen me from all the way up there?”

Neji smirks and points silently to the pair of security cameras posted over the gate.

Sheepishly, I shrug, “I should have known”

Neji shakes his head, hair falling into his face again, “Doesn’t matter. Let’s go inside”

Taking my hand in his, Neji turns to march back up the drive.

Holding the umbrella over us both, I follow silently, thankful to be getting out of the rain.

Neji has a fascinating house because it’s build like those traditional Japanese estates. Instead of heading for the extravagant front entrance, we veer off to the left and follow a path up to some stone steps and across a large outdoor garden.

The garden is huge with tons of flowers and even a few full-grown trees. It’s kind of built in a semi-circle shape that closes off the view of the street once you walk fully into it.

Neji leads me straight across it and onto a wooden veranda lined with paper lanterns.

Neji lets go of my hand long enough to take my umbrella from me, “You can leave your shoes here”

Silently, I pull them off and arrange them near the veranda stairs.

Turning back to Neji, I watch him easily pull aside a heavy wooden door to reveal a double door type rice paper screen. It’s plain white but painted over with pictures of Chinese dragons and misty greenish-blue mountains around the bottom.

Pulling the screen aside, Neji enters the room and motions for me to follow.

The room is dark in a late-afternoon sort of way and when I peek in before stepping in, I notice that it must be a library the way it’s lined with bookcases and floor pillows.

Stepping onto the matted floor, I pause, “Hey, Neji?”

He walks further into the room and disappears around a bookcase, “Coming…”

Deciding to wait for him to come back, I pull off my mechanics suit. Rolling it into a ball, I leave on the floor next to my shoes.

Nervous, I stand, fidgeting, until Neji reappears.

For a moment, Neji just stands to look at me.

Blushing, I shove my hands into my pockets, “What’s wrong?”

I’m wearing the shirt Gaara gave me, with the wide collar, long sleeves and sheer material. Because it’s red and white, I pared it with my favorite black jeans. I also decided to wear the corded necklace Haku gave me for my last birthday so my neck wouldn’t feel so naked.

Neji shakes his head and smiles, “Nothing. Come here?”

Glad to have something to do, other then stand around, I go to him.

He takes my hand again and leads me further into the room where a small living room space is arranged. The little light that there is comes from a massive circular skylight right above the place.

There are two stark white loveseats and a black lacquered table with a vase filled with white oleanders as the centerpiece. There is a thick, leather bound book sitting on the table that catches my eye.

Neji sits us down on the larger of the two loveseats and reaches out to take the book and hand it to me, “This is for you”

As if knowing I would hesitate, Neji gently flips the first page open and shows me where, in gold lettering, my name is inscribed at the top of the first page.

Taking it from him, I slowly flip to the first page, “What’s it about?”

Neji settles next to me and shrugs, “You’ll have to read it to find out”

I grin and close it, “But I’m asking you”

Neji shrugs again, “What makes you think I know what it’s about?”

Reddening slightly, but having the nerve to do it anyway, I lean into him and tuck his hair behind his ear again, “Because I’m starting to figure you out…and you wouldn’t just pick any old book”

Neji rests a hand on my stomach and tilts his head thoughtfully, “I only read the first chapter”

His hand is warm where it’s pressed against my lower belly and it’s kind of distracting, “Then how do you know I’ll like it”

Neji smirks, “The words”

Remembering our conversation about books from before, I grin, “If the writer uses the right words, you understand better and then you keep reading because you like the way the story is being told”

Neji smiles faintly, “Exactly”

Setting the book aside, I dig into my pocket and hand him the small, gift wrapped box, “This is for you”

Neji raises an eyebrow at me and I grin but stop him from opening it, “I have to tell you something important first”

This is really the part I’ve been dreading.

I open my mouth to actually spill about what’s been going on but freeze when Neji looks at me: all silver-blue eyes, gorgeous skin and brown hair.

Blushing stupidly, I stare at my hands, trying not to twist them out of nervousness.

Neji takes his hand from my stomach and rests it on my knee instead, “What?”

His voice is all gentle concern and I feel like there is no way that I could fess up to what I’ve been doing, because I really couldn’t live with him rejecting me. I realize in that moment how much he actually means to me.

Looking back up at him, I swallow thickly, “I love you”

I always hated it in the movie, when the girl makes the declaration, how everybody goes nuts, like it’s really such a bit deal. I’ll admit that I’m embarrassed and that I’d rather Neji didn’t make a big deal out of it, but nothing quite prepares you for the sight of Neji smiling the way he does after I say those words.

I forget to be embarrassed and I’m just mesmerized by the complete honesty of the expression. There probably isn’t even anything that he could’ve said that would’ve made me understand how much those three, horrifying, little words made him happy.

But, real life, MY life, isn’t a fairy tale and the moment lasts as long as it needs to before I manage to gather the strength I need to go through with what I’d planned since this morning.

I get up, cross the mats soundlessly and settle myself on the other loveseat.

Neji stares after me, puzzled, but waits to see what I’ll do or say.

I cross my legs under me and sit with my back straight, looking Neji in the eyes. My stomach has started grumbling uncomfortably and I get the distinct impression that I’m about to do something stupid.

I let my eyes drop to his mouth and notice the way they pinch a little when he starts to frown.

Sighing, I ring my hands, once, nervously and settle them over my increasingly upset stomach, “Remember when I had that Spanish project with Sasuke?”

Neji’s mouth is the only thing that betrays his emotions; it turns down at the corners as if knowing in advance that it won’t like what it’s about to hear.

All at once, I take a breath and let out in a rush what I’d meant to say in a careful, half-rehearsed way: “He kinda kissed me…and I let it happen. And that time you were coming over, he did again, and that time I was, you know, kinda mad, but I let happen anyway, again…sort of. And anyway, I figured that everything would be okay, right, if I kept away from him, but his brother kinda roughed him up a bit, and I felt sorry for him…so he slept over the other day, but really, it’s not a big deal”

The last part sounds super lame, even to me and despite the fact that the temperature in the room seems to drop below 0 degrees, I’m proud of myself for getting it all out.

Neji has a dazzling face partially because of the cream color of the skin and the translucence of the blue-gray eyes. The downside is how easily he can arrange these features in such a way as to look like a stone mask, flawless on the surface but ultimately unreadable.

I chance a look at the rest of him and notice that his face is the only thing not betraying what he thinks.

His hand, resting on the armrest, is curled into a fist. His shoulders are set like a lawyer’s in court and his jaw is mildly clenched.

Even the most vague glance would’ve told anyone looking that he was mad. The only question now was how much.

Finally, he shows signs of life and calmly uncurls his fist, “Are you serious?”

I frown and look him in the face. The mild way he asks the question gives me the impression that he’s taking a one-step-removed approach to this and that scares me a little.

I’ll say I was scared but definitely a little mad too.

I seriously expected more then this vague reaction but then again, at the time, I really had no idea how hurt he’d been or how mad he’d been either.

“What do you think?”

I don’t mean to snap, but no one ever does.

Neji lowers his eyes to the mats and speaks in a quiet, controlled voice, “I think you should leave”

I might have expected him to be livid or something but I really wasn’t expecting him to send me home like a stray cat.

My anger flares and dies so completely in less then a second that I feel drained the instant that the words really register and I move to stand dazed practically into docile silence.

This isn’t like me and I know that but my stomach is heavy and I feel sick. I won’t…can’t fight Neji, not with words and certainly not with feelings.

Despite everything, I feel relieved. This is one less thing on my back. I don’t feel less guilty for doing what I did, but I do feel better for not lying the rest of the way.

I realize, with some measure of satisfaction, walking the way I came, back to the veranda that I could’ve easily not said anything and had a perfectly nice afternoon with Neji but then again, it would’ve slowly eaten at me anyway.

It’s still raining when I step out onto the wooden veranda.

I’m still dazed enough not to notice Neji following me.

I pause, looking listlessly out at the garden and pulling on my mechanics suit and afterwards, my shoes, and finally, my mask.

As automatic as breathing, it slips on and I grin, my eyes saving my tears for later, when I’m alone.

I slip on my shoes and shake open my striking, bright orange umbrella and look at Neji over my shoulder.

He’s frowning very deeply, the lines on his forehead dipping with the depth or the expression and holding the book he’d given me before.

I turn and smile at him and he steps close enough to zip up my mechanics suit a little more.

My grin doesn’t waver and I cock my head instead, waiting to see what he’ll say to me.

Silent still, he hands me the book.

My smile widens a fraction, “Thanks”

Neji’s face clears and he looks at me the way he might look at Sasuke if he showed up wearing a pink dress: blankly.

I stop him when he moves to put on his shoes, probably to see me out, “I’ll be okay, S’not far”

Neji nods, blank-faced as ever but we both turn at the sound of approaching footsteps.

Another wooden door slides open father along the veranda’s walkway and Hinata pokes her head out, startled when she sees Neji and me.

I grin at her, “Hey, Hinata”

She blushes furiously and stammers something back.

I step off the veranda and step into the rain, my hair catching water almost instantly and wave goodbye to Neji.

I catch Hinata’s puzzled expression but don’t stop, turning to leave with even steps, allowing my smile to fade and my face to crumbled only when I’m safely down the block and curled up in the back on the bus.

~!@!~

“You look like crap”

I want to tell Shika to fuck off but that’s not in my best interests considering Haku had a bit of an emergency and had to take off on sort notice. I figured I could endure Shika until he came back.

I’m beginning to realize that I may be wrong.

I made it home in mostly one piece, having cried whatever I was going to on the bus ride home.

Thankfully, not many people are in a traveling mood on Sundays and I didn’t have anyone odd starring at me or asking questions.

Shika lightens up with the crap when all I do is give him a red-rimmed glare, my eyes still not in the best if shape.

He sighs and disappears into my kitchen.

Shika really knows how to pick the best time to PMS.

I bury my face in my pillow and sigh deeply, suddenly more tired then I’ve been in a long time.

I hear Shika pad back into my room and feel it when he sits on my bed, “Did you see this?”

I pull my face out of my pillow not out of curiosity but more because of the odd tone Shika was using.

He’s holding a back bag, the little stiff-carton kind that they give your stuff in at those little posh boutiques downtown. A spidery script across it face in lemon yellow reads: ‘Baby Spider’

I frown at it because it can’t possibly be mine, “Where you find that?”

Shika shrugs, “Haku said it was from Gaara”

I roll onto my back and hold out my hand for the small bag, “He came by today?”

Shika shakes his head, “Left it here since yesterday apparently”

It occurs to me, while I sit up, that he might have bought it while I was grocery shopping.

Shika gets off the bed and quietly shuts the door as he leaves.

Listen until I hear him switch on the TV and open the baggy.

Inside the tiny bag, I find an equally tiny note and a rectangular box about as long as my hand and about as heavy as a bottle of nail polish.

I ignore the note and open the black box and let the tube inside slip out into my palm.

I turn it this way and that but don’t quite get what it is at first glance. Unscrewing the lip and pulling it open I see that it’s eyeliner.

Putting it away, I open the note and read Gaara’s clean, gothic script: Real men wear eyeliner!

The exclamation mark makes it sound like on of the Ten Commandments.

I wouldn’t have mattered how tired and miserable I was, there’s nothing that could’ve stopped me from laughing.

Scrambling out of under my sheets, I bounce over to my desk and grab a hand mirror sitting there.

Settling back on my bed, legs crossed, I carefully unscrew the cap again and shakily start to apply the liner.

It’s hella funny because my hands are so shaky and my eyes so damn puffy, I can hardly draw the lines straight enough and settle for drawing progressively thicker liners until I’ve drawn on panda eyes almost like Gaara’s.

The effect is immediate: my red eyes look 100 times less red and my
tan skin makes a sharp contrast to the deep black around my eyes.

It’s pretty obvious that this isn’t my thing but I certainly feel better.

Getting out of bed, I pad down the hall to the bathroom and wash what I can of it off. As is, there are still faintly dark circles around my eyes. You’d think it’d look like I hadn’t been sleeping but it ends up hiding some of the puffiness and draws attention to the blue of my eyes.

Grinning at my pale reflection, I towel off and turn to go in search of Shika.

Okay, yeah, I had a hell of a day, and I could mope if I wanted to, but the fact remains that I still have school tomorrow and I still have to deal with my problems. I can’t drop dead and stop living just because I had one crap day!

I’m not a quitter or a coward so my time would be better spent resting up for tomorrow. Besides, with all that’s going on, I’m learning to deal with some things that were really weighing on me.

Now, if I could pencil in some more drawing time and maybe some hide-from-the-world time, I might just be set. I can only do my best and I took the first step to changing, really, today.

I step into the living room to find Shika putting some of my art away in the corner. I catch sight of the one I did with Neji and turn on my heel and march myself back to my room.

I crawl back into bed and will myself to sleep.

I’ll pretend to be superman tomorrow, but right now, all I wanna do is sleep.

~!@!~
TBC...