Gamble

Disclaimer: Do I own Naruto? Do you need to even ask? Good, I knew you were smart!

“Parties are a celebration, a time to slip alcoholic beverages into punch bowls!”
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Gamble

I have recently come to many conclusions about Uchiha Sasuke. First and foremost he is a bastard but I established that point a long time ago. Secondly, I now believe he is almost certainly 100 percent gay. How did I come to this bizarre turn of events? Well first the prick kissed me, and then he gave me a blow job that was accidentally caught on tape. Oh of course, being the idiot that I am I put on a macho front and decided to fight back against my hoard of admirers, which I just noticed I had. Wonderfully they all happen to be men.

Oh, and brilliant being that I am, for today’s fight I decided to dress up as a girl for Sasuke’s family reunion.

There’s only a few possible ways that this can play out for me in retrospect. It could go surprising well, or I could be spending the rest of my life sucking up to Sasuke, or in other words sucking his ice cold dick. Is there possibly something else I would like to do with my time? Well that’s simple, yes!

So we entered the house and of course we were greeted by none other then this fancy ass butler. ‘Oh, good evening Sasuke-sama. Can I take your coat? Can I wash your hair? Can I wipe your ass?’ and so on. Can you tell I was disgusted? Good you’re catching on. I of course was then floored at what came next. I thought Sasuke’s fanclub was huge but his families like gigantic. They were all dressed to the hilt too.

I swear there were enough diamonds on one woman’s neck to invade a small country. Is that even legal? Can people actually wear that much jewelry without being shot? Or mugged? Or even declared a source of temporary blindness in direct contact with the sun?

That was only the woman. The men weren’t exactly low society themselves. They were all dressed in fine tuxedos smoking fine cigars and drinking wine from crystal glasses. And of course, they were all talking in such a high degree of vocabulary that my little brain couldn’t possibly comprehend.

“Stay close,” Sasuke whispered in my ear as we started into the ‘fine’ establishment. We hadn’t gone more then five feet before we were mobbed with relatives. Not to mention we were swarmed with questions.

“Oh Sasuke, is this your girlfriend?’
“Look at her in that cute little dress!”
“She’s such a beautiful young lady.”
“Her eyes are so stunning! Like Sapphire!”
“Great catch cousin!”

I have to admit to you by this time I was blushing. Never in my life had I gotten so many compliments. Don’t you dare try to rob me of this; I know they think I’m a girl. The only thing that was ruining this moment was Sasukes smirk. Like he knew something someone else didn’t.

Well, that is true; he knows I’m not a girl.

In this situation all I could really do was stand there and smile and nod and bow. And then get the hell away to the hors d'oeuvres. I did just that but I noticed a slight difference in my shadow. It was Sasuke shaped.

“Do you have to follow me all night?” I looked down the table of food and headed straight for the shrimp.

“I don’t want you to let anything slip dobe,” Sasuke took a shrimp himself and licked off the sauce sensually before eating it.

“And what could possibly slip from my, oh so lovely mouth?” I grabbed a glass of what I could only assume was punch from the table. Sasuke just cocked his eyebrow at me as if asking if I was an idiot. I just stuck my tongue out at him.

“Put that tongue to better use dobe,” Sasuke smiled faintly as I shoved my tongue so quick back into my mouth I almost got whiplash.

“Long time no see Sasuke!” I whipped my head around to see a tall, black haired (actually they all have black hair) Uchiha walking towards us. “Who’s the girl?”

“Oh, Obito-san this is Naruko.” I nodded politely taking a sip of my pink punch, which I immediately wanted to spit out.

“God damnit, somebody spiked the god damn punch.” I grimaced at the glass. “And it’s not even good quality alcohol. Bastards.” I then looked up to see Obito’s shocked face.

“I see she’s got quite a mouth on her, eh Sasuke? I bet she can do a lot with that mouth.” Obito smiled raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“Now just you wait a min—mmph!” I glared at the offending hand and then at the owner. Sasuke was smirking at Obito.

“She does have quite a lovely mouth.” My eyes widened when Sasuke looked at me with a fond expression. But then I just glared some more.

“She’s got a nice figure too. Not much on the top shelf though.” Obito looked me over smiling at what I could only guess were my legs. What my gel breasts weren’t good enough for this bastard?

I really wanted Sasuke’s hand off my mouth so I did the first thing that came to mind. I bit him.

“You bastard! I more then compensate for my lack of breasts!” I was probably so red in the face but I couldn’t care. Nobody insults Uzumaki NaruKO and gets away with it! I looked over at Sasuke before I literally turned on my heel and stalked off to god knows where. I nodded to every single person in the big room and by the end I swear I was having neck spasms.

The hallway was quite empty so I leaned against the wall, frowning. Men are such pigs!

I blinked once then twice. Wait a minute I’m a man. I could have hit myself over the head with that very expensive looking vase down the hall. That was actually looking more and more appealing to me by the minute. It was such a smooth pretty vase. I was about to grab it and make it have a nice intimate experience with my cranium but Mr. and Mrs. Uchiha appeared in the hall.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Uchiha.” I nodded towards them when they neared my ‘female’ form.

“Hello, and who might you be?” Mr. Uchiha smiled towards me while Mrs. Uchiha frowned at what I could only guess as my lack of dress length.

“I’m NaruKO, I came here with Sasuke.” I smiled and bowed to them. They both smiled back but the Mrs. Was a little strained.

“I hope you’ll enjoy the party.” They both headed through the doors but before they closed I heard “Such horrible taste, Itachi wouldn’t bring someone home like that.”

I was just about to find a place to sit and think, but the door opened to reveal none other then a black haired Uchiha. An Uchiha named Sasuke. He did sort of look good tonight, all black hair and pale skin and lithe, muscular body.

Wait scratch that he’s horse ass ugly. That’s right, from his rooster hair to his icy cold chicken legs.

“What the hell’s the matter with you dobe?” He leaned against the opposite wall staring at me with a questioning glare.

“I didn’t really appreciate the fact that I was being talked about right to my face.” I scowled. This house is like the ultimate vortex of emotional suction. It was sucking away all the good humour. No wonder all Uchiha’s are cold hearted bastards.

“God, Naruto you’re starting to sound like a woman. Is that wig working its way into your small brain?” Sasuke glared at me. I glared right back.

“That’s the best you got Uchiha, same lame ass comment like that? I got feelings Uchiha unlike your sorry ass.” I turned again looking for a place I could possibly go to escape. But what do you know it’s a house full of Uchihas. I felt a fist rush right in front of my face and right into the marble wall.

“Don’t you dare blow me off like that Uzumaki,” I look over at him through lowered blonde lashes. My eyes narrowed marginally by sheer distaste.

“I thought that’s what you wanted Uchiha, me blowing you off.” I sneered at him, a very unfeminine thing to do. I turned slowly to face him and bunched my hands into the collar of his shirt. I pulled him towards me with a quick jerk. “And I’ll be damned if I ever give anything to you.”

I threw his body away from mine and headed back into the party. The people chatting inside only served to anger me further. How could people just talk like that, so happy, no misery in sight?

I headed to the punch bowl and filled myself another glass, bad alcohol be damned. I talked a bit to some people at the table but not more then five words and nowhere near my regular enthusiasm. By the tenth glass it all started to get a little hazy and everyone looked like damn Uchiha.

Probably because they were all damn Uchiha my mind supplied.

“Ms. Naruko? I’ve been told to inform you that a room has been prepared for you upstairs. I believe you and our young master are spending the night. Would you please follow me?” I nodded to the butler and followed him grudgingly up the stairs. He led me to a big room with a queen sized bed and a Jacuzzi tub. Everything seemed to be lined with red even the bed sheets were red.

“Young master Sasuke has the room beside yours Ms. Naruko, if you do so wish to visit him tonight.” By this point in my drunken haze I could barely turn that sentence into something sexual and only nodded. He closed the door behind him and I trudged to the bed. I felt so dizzy and weird.

I looked to the bath and headed over to it. Getting on my knees I turned on the hot water of the huge tub. Slowly and with more ease then I thought possible in my drunken state I shimmied out of the dress. I ripped off my carefully sculpted work and the rest of my clothing. It was about the time when I was wiping off the wig that I heard the door open.

“What the heel are you doing Sasuke?” I glared across the room, not really caring at this moment that I was completely naked. He didn’t say anything either, just closed the door and walked right in.

He was no more then five feet of me when it registered in my brain to yell at the bastard or something. It was also at this time that I realized it was probably to late and that I didn’t give a damn anyway.

His lips descended on mine quickly his large calloused hands roughly pulling me closer to his large body by my ass. He stroked his tongue lightly against my bottom lip and then traced the seam delicately. I opened up willingly this time letting his run his tongue along every tooth I even joined in. My tongue came up to meet his and stroked it slowly.

He pulled away and broke the cord of saliva that connected us to kiss his way along my jaw and right to my ear. He used his tongue to get right back to my mouth where he gave me the same damn treatment. I was all to willing by this point.

“Sasuke,” I moaned threading my fingers in his hair as he worked his way down to my collar bone. I closed my eyes and groaned as he reached a sensitive spot. It didn’t matter now, nothing mattered. So I let everything float away. I just ran my hands through that deceitfully long hair and stared down at glowing red eyes. They were so beautiful.

Sasuke was beautiful.

**

Oh, what’s going on you may ask? Well it took me a long time to decide this chapter but I feel this is for the best. It’ll make the next chapter 3 times more interesting. I hope you enjoy it! Sorry for my lack of good humour, it’ll be back! Whoever can figure out the end wins a special bonus chapter for everybody!

Quite few people got the ending! Thank you very much for guessing it so you got everyone a special bonus chapter! It'll be in a slightly different perspective. It'll be short but I'll bet you'll all enjoy it. Actually I think I'll get quite a few laughs from it.

Bringing back the humour a step at a time
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