Self-Reliance

CHAPTER EIGHT: HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING


Sasuke didn’t care for the taste of mint. He used to be impartial to the taste, neither here nor there on any matter other than the verdict on his brother’s crimes, but now he downright loathed it. He tasted of mint almost constantly, thanks to his new habit of brushing his teeth five or more times daily. Every time the morning sickness visited, Sasuke brushed his teeth. Sometimes it staved off the nausea and save him his last meal, sometimes not, and if it didn’t, he would brush his teeth again after vomiting. Sasuke went through more toothpaste than any sane person really should.

Mint would be irrevocably connected with nausea in his mind forevermore. Maybe he’d change toothpaste flavors upon returning to Konoha, if only to help with his sudden and inexplicable hatred of anything claiming to be minty-fresh.

Sasuke sighed, spitting out a toothpaste foam. He splashed cold water on his face to clean it of any nastiness he had missed, and to wake himself up a bit. He surveyed his tired expression in the mirror, not missing his disheveled hair, ghostlike pallor, and the dark smudges under his eyes that spoke of lethargy and lost sleep. He’d lost weight in the last several months---more weight than he’d like to admit to anyone, really, especially Naruto---and the sharp angles in his face were especially prominent. Sasuke looked sickly and he knew it.

I’m sorry, guys, he thought wearily, gently rubbing the top of his stomach. I’m not doing very well with this. Naruto’s right---as he usually is, the damn dobe---sticks aren’t meant to carry babies. I should have planned this better. I should have gained weight beforehand, to act as a cushion---even if my fangirls would have lodged a protest with the Godaime herself at me being anything but slight. If I had known that my sickness was going to be this bad, I would have stayed in Konoha.

I’m putting you in danger this way. It’s not like I haven’t tried to gain weight for your sake…this has been worrying me far before Naruto even noticed…but nothing I do seems to work. I throw almost everything up nonetheless.

Maybe it is best that I go back to Konoha. Tsunade is the best medic-nin in the Five Nations, and Sakura almost rivals her, now. Between the two of them, they would have been able to do something, I’m certain.

“Saaaaaasukeeeee! Sakura’s heeeeeeereeee!” Naruto shouted from the living room, making Sasuke’s frown deepen.

And he sounds positively gleeful, Sasuke thought sullenly, rubbing at his forehead. That means that he has something downright evil planned. If I didn’t love that boy, I would hate him. I would hate him so incredibly much for what he puts me through. Baby…God, sorry, babies---I’m not trying to neglect any of you, I’m just trying to get used to this---you should be grateful that I put up with your idiotic father and his stupid-ass plans. Ten dollars says that The Plan consists solely of putting me into a dress and hoping no one notices. He got to jounin by brute force alone, I think…

“Sasuke! Sasuke, come out here!”

“I’m coming, bastard!” Sasuke yelled back, dampening his cowlicky black hair. “Keep your sandals on!”

Sakura’s expression at seeing Sasuke waddling down the hallway was something to be treasured---unless you were Sasuke, who was less than pleased to have his pink-haired teammate beaming at him. He could tell that she was valiantly resisting the urge to squeal, sidle up next to him, and pet his tummy.

“Oh my God, Sasuke-kun!” Sakura shrieked excitedly, clasping her hands together in girlish glee. “You’re huge!”

Sasuke stammered and flushed, looking right fit to die of embarrassment. Sure, Naruto teased him a bit about how suddenly he’d started to round out, but Naruto at least had a little tact about it. He tended to shy away from blurting out what was perfectly obvious---in this case, that Sasuke was definitely looking six months pregnant or more, due to multiple babies and a heavy womb---and the result made Sasuke blush furiously, half out of pure agitation. He knew that he was getting big, but huge was a grievous overstatement… “I don’t even know if the maternity clothes I brought you will fit---what do you think, Naruto?”

“Ma-ma-maternity clothes?” Sasuke spluttered, comically horrified at the very idea.

“I’m sure that the overalls will fit, if nothing else,” Sakura answered herself with a sage nod. “Don’t worry, Sasuke-kun, I made sure to pick out the most masculine maternity clothes I could find. Nothing pink, and not too many bows.”

“Buh-buh-bows---?” Naruto repeated, and then doubled over with laughter. He staggered out of Sasuke’s immediate firing range, weak-kneed with hysterics. Sasuke made a note to kill him most dead later on, when he wasn’t expecting it.

“I’m just pulling your leg,” Sakura said, patting his back comfortingly as Naruto attempted not to hyperventilate. He was wheezing like an asthmatic, tears in his eyes. “I didn’t get anything too girly, because I kinda like living. C’mon---everything you have is way too small!”

“Just because I look like a woman at the moment doesn’t mean I am a woman!” Sasuke snapped, red-faced. “I just---“

“Stop being so stubbornly manly! You’re going to pop buttons if you wear those clothes any longer!” Sakura grinned, shoving a shopping bag at the speechless Uchiha. He took it with a pained expression, the kind he wore before venting, beating his favorite idiot, and killing small animals.

“May I have breakfast first?” he asked in defeat, pinching the bridge of his nose as if to ward off an incoming headache. He’d had a feeling that Naruto’s “plan” would involve him stooping to cross-dressing, but he’d held out the hope that the dobe wouldn’t risk their tentative new relationship on that kind of frivolity. He had, of course, thought wrong.

“I’d complain if you didn’t,” Naruto said, ruffling Sasuke’s messy hair as Sakura looked on with an inward smile. Ah, so there would be no kyuubi-boy ass-kicking today---Naruto had somehow managed to patch the rift between himself and Sasuke, and although they seemed a little shy about it, it seemed to be functioning fine. Good. Something was working right today…

“Eat something and then we’ll start on your disguise,” Sakura said. “It’s not like you can skip into Konoha looking like that.”

“What’s wrong with looking like this?” Sasuke asked touchily, a frown etching his weary features.

“I don’t know where to begin to list,” Sakura replied in absolute honesty. “But let me sum it up like this: Uchiha boys aren’t meant to be pregnant with fox babies. You try explaining to the council of elders why it was positively necessary for their favorite little Avenger to shack up with the Kyuubi no Youko’s host. I’m not touching it.”

“Valid point,” Sasuke begrudged, tossing the shopping bag on the couch as Naruto dragged him into the kitchen.


It was no more than five minutes later that there was another knock at the door. Sasuke cursed wearily, a hand to his stomach as he sighed and set down his bowl of ramen.

“I’ll get it,” he offered, shuffling back to the front door. He opened the door to find none other than the bookstore girl, Aido, standing there, looking frazzled. Her usually frizzy hair stood up as if somewhat electrified, and her fingers drummed shakily on the cover of a hardcover book. Aido jumped when he offered a cautious hello, as if the very sound of his voice sent her into the barest brink of mental collapse.

“Aido-san, are you alright?” Sasuke asked, noting that this level of disarray was a little more intense than her usual brand of twitchy harebrained attitude. It was odd, unsettling.

“No, of course I’m fine,” she said, bobbing a short bow. “Of course I haven’t spent all night pacing! My, you look well, Sas-Satori-chan!”

Sasuke blinked. What was this girl on? He looked anything but well.

“Book!” Aido blurted, as if by impulse. “I---er---brought a book.”

“Would you like a cup of tea?” Sasuke wondered carefully, giving her a wary lookdown. Or a stiff sedative, perhaps?

Aido took a deep breath, waving a dismissive hand. She seemed to collect herself as she exhaled that breath, putting back together something that at least slightly resembled composure.

She bowed and smiled broadly, handing him the book.

“I’m sorry about that. I just haven’t been sleeping well as of late, and you know what too much caffeine can do to a soul. Here’s the sequel to Mon Raion, like you asked for. Just so you know, the publisher raised the price for the series a bit,” she said, sounding oddly distracted. “Since you’ve become what I fondly deem a frequent buyer, I ignored the difference for you. Just check the receipt to make sure I did it right, okay?”

“Thank you,” Sasuke said, honestly surprised at the bookworm and somewhat unable to gauge why it was she sounded so profoundly off. “I’ll make sure to keep myself on this status with you, then.”

“Yeah,” said Aido, and that twinge of oddness in her voice grew louder, more pronounced. “I just like to look out for my good customers, you know. I’ll see you after you’ve finished that one---only one more left in the series, and it’s full of surprises. Ja nae, Satori-san!”

Sasuke barely shut the door before the curiosity overwhelmed him and he plucked the receipt out from between the cover and the front page---as he had suspected, there was a scribbled form of writing on it. He smirked halfheartedly at it---ninja shorthand, a field trick that Iruka himself had taught him at the Academy, so many years ago. It seemed that Aido had been fudging the matter when she’d said she was a Konoha native---if this was any indication, she was more than likely a ninja herself, if not a retired one. Chalk one up to Naruto and his undefined sources.

Sasuke skimmed the missive, his heart clenching painfully as he deciphered it.

Sasuke-san, Uchiha Itachi was looking for you. Please watch your back, and don’t visit my shop again. I’ll visit you when I am sure I am not being followed.

Uchiha Itachi. His brother. Mr. Slayer of Clans himself.

…I can’t fight back, Sasuke realized, a hand creeping to settle on his belly. No way in hell---not with this body. If his finds me, I---what will I do? Dammit, I should have killed him before I got myself knocked up; I didn’t even think that he might take advantage of this and exterminate me before I add any numbers to the total Uchihas in the world…shit, shit, shit…

“Shashuke?” Naruto called from the kitchen, muffled through a mouthful of ramen. “Who ish it?”

If Itachi takes it into his head that I’m somehow threatening him by my silly attempt to revive our clan, that’s it. He’ll kill me and the babies, and I can’t say anything against it---I don’t have the chakra, or the will, and certainly not the speed; I could barely fight him full level, and now I…I have children to protect, and I can’t…

“Sasuke? Sasuke, are you even listening?”

I’m not strong enough---never strong enough. Not when it matters. Not when my family’s on the line…I thought…thought I’d changed, but…

…but it’s no different from when I was seven.

Gently, gently, Naruto stole his arms around Sasuke’s middle from behind, drawing the shaking ninja to his chest. Under any other circumstance, Sasuke would have glowered and writhed out of Naruto’s embrace, but for the moment, he found himself strangely reliant on the contact. It grounded his thoughts, the warmth calming him down slightly.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, a hand on his tear-wet cheek. Sasuke hadn’t realized that he was crying, and it almost scared him---were they tears of fear, or of rage? He couldn’t even draw apart the knot of emotions to pick out exactly what he feeling, other than it was large, dark, and painful. His chest ached with it. “What are you crying for now?”

Wordlessly, Sasuke gave him the note.

“Oh hell,” Naruto muttered, blue eyes widening as he mentally translated the shorthand. “Hell no. Not him---not now. Do you think she could be wrong? I mean, I’m sure there are tons of weaselish, dark-haired, red-eyed pretty boys mucking about that look just like Itachi!” Sasuke gave him a long look. “Er…you’re right; maybe not. But---but…”

“This is turning into far more of a mission than I’d like it to be,” Sasuke said, crossly rubbing at his eyes with the back of one hand. This whole crying thing was starting to piss him off royally. “If Itachi is looking for me, you know it’s not to deliver an invitation for the family reunion.”

“S-level criminals are never that easy,” Naruto agreed, then sighed. “I hope that bastard doesn’t think I’m going to give you up without a fight. I’m sorry, Sasuke, but I will kill him if it comes to that.”

“You’d kill him?” Sasuke repeated in quiet surprise.

“You’re mine,” Naruto whispered, his hands tightening protectively around his stomach. “You carry my kits, and if Itachi thinks he can take advantage of that, he has another thing coming.”

“I’m yours,” he echoed, closing his eyes. “Possessive much?”

“I am a fox,” the kyuubi-boy teased, and nipped lightly at his earlobe. “We tend to be possessive by nature. But…you know I’m serious, don’t you? You know that I would protect you, no matter what.”

“I do,” Sasuke said, though it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to admit. I do know that you love me, I do know that you love these lives I bear within me, I do know that you are stronger than I am right now, I do know that you’ll keep us safe, I do know you won’t leave me. I do know you’re my “mate”. I do know that I love you back, crotchety, crabby, and as bad at expressing it as I am.

“Good,” said Naruto, and kissed his neck. “Now go get your stuff together, ‘cause we’re leaving before that no-good son of a bitch shows up.”

“My mother was not a bitch,” Sasuke muttered, tugging irately at a hank of blond hair.

“You know what I mean!” Naruto barked, chasing his hands out of his hair. “Now wipe your tears and put on your girly shit so we can leave before the shark and the weasel show their ugly mugs!”

By the time Naruto was finished with his ramen, Sasuke had changed into the clothes Sakura had brought---a soft violet turtleneck and baggy maternity overalls---and he was sitting on the floor beside his futon, crosslegged and looking surly. His female teammate was giving him a lengthy lecture on makeup as she brushed out his hair. No matter what she did to the choppy black locks, it still stuck stubbornly up in the back. Sakura surely had her work cut out for her this time because Uchiha Sasuke made every effort to compensate his naturally effeminate looks by being as blindly masculine as humanly possible.

“I mean, honestly, Sasuke-kun---red lipstick? Come on, with your complexion, you probably looked like some kind of geisha or vampire. You should stick to lighter tones, and not lipstick. Old ladies wear lipstick; we wear lip gloss. It’s much less stab-you-in-the-face red, and it accentuates your lip shape rather than change it. Oi! Don’t you snort at me! You need to know these things!”

“I don’t give a damn about lip gloss,” Sasuke told her emphatically, glaring as she brought back his long bangs and pinned them up with bright hair-pins. He licked his lips, frowning. “This shit is glittery and tastes like berries. I think it’s evil.”

“Stop complaining,” Sakura grouched around the pins sticking out of her mouth. “And you know, I can’t figure for the life of me why you never pull your hair back. You’ve got a really pretty face, but we barely get to see it with your bangs in the way. Yes, I did say you’re pretty---stop growling!”

Naruto sat down on the floor to watch the show, grinning at his teammates.

Sakura was right. Sasuke did look very pretty. She’d pulled back his hair into wild dark tufts that stuck up endearingly, and the evil pink lip gloss really did accentuate his lips. Though the front panel of his overalls was heavily rounded, that only seemed to accentuate his attractiveness. No, Naruto decided, rubbing his chin as Sasuke bowed his head and suffered through his hair being played with. Sasuke’s not ‘pretty’ or ‘cute’. He’s…elegant, not really pretty in a girly way or handsome in a masculine way. He’s---well, he’s Sasuke. He’s attractive in a way all his own, and I like it. Perfect mate for a bisexual fox-boy, and damn but our babies are going to be beautiful, male or female...

Noticing Naruto’s appreciative perusal of his ‘super-secret-get-into-Konoha-unnoticed’ get-up, Sasuke glowered, holding his stomach with a bright dusting of blush warming his cheeks. Which, all told, only made him prettier.

“’The hell are you watching for?” Sasuke muttered, throwing a handful of hair-pins at Naruto with deadly intent. Naruto dodged easily, sticking out his tongue.

“Because watching you two play dress-up is fun,” Naruto replied with a blissfully bright smile. “And you’re so cuuuuuuuuuute Sasu-chan!”

“Don’t make me kill you with ruthless and extreme prejudice,” Sasuke snarled, then turned on his hairdresser. “And you---must I be this womanly? The lip gloss is evil, the hair-pins want my soul, and---and---this turtleneck is painfully purple. Why purple?”

“You tell me,” Sakura grinned. “You’re the one sleeping with another guy.”

“I was a woman when I slept with him,” Sasuke said in retaliation, crossing his arms over his chest. “Therefore, it was heterosexual.”

“Touché,” Naruto said, and laughed. “I think he wins, Sakura-chan.”

“I always win,” the Uchiha heir said imperiously, and began tugging out the pins. Only the Look of Death Sakura gave him stilled his hands. He sighed. “But I’m not above compromise. Fine, I’ll wear the hairclips if you won’t bother me about wearing that bra you brought with you. It is nothing but straps and lace and evil in its purest form.”

“I’ll agree with you on that much. C’mon Sasuke-kun, stop scowling---Tsunade-sama is already waiting for us. We’ve got quite the ways to go today, so we’d better start if you don’t want to camp in the middle of nowhere.”

“Bah,” Sasuke said emphatically, charging the word with at least twenty levels of disdain. “I just want to get this over with, so that I can hide in the Uchiha complex and ignore Konoha for the next three months.”

“You guys finish your primping, and I’ll go get our packs together,” Naruto offered, waving as he left his poor mate to his fate as Sakura’s doll.

Sasuke didn’t talk for a while after that. He just suffered through his hair being tugged into painful yet fashionable arrangements, close to wishing he had never initiated The Plan on Naruto. This whole thing had been a six-month stint with the Circus of Agony, and they were about to go on tour with Sasuke the Pregnant Man as the main attraction.

He winced, and it wasn’t entirely because of the vicious pulling Sakura was doing with his hair. No wonder female ninja were so strong---they went through the dual pains of being fashionable and bearing children, willingly. Women were incredible.

Sakura made him rethink his newfound appreciation---just by being herself, really. He’d been able to tell that something was off about her---was every woman he was in contact with mildly insane? Sasuke was starting to wonder, what with Aido and Sakura---but she hadn’t approached the issue that was bothering her. After about ten minutes of nervousness, she finally broke, laughing shrilly. Sasuke knew from years of having her jumpy around him that she was feeling a bit panicky about something connected to him. He squinted at her over his shoulder, trying to gauge what was wrong with her now.

“So, um, Sasuke-kun…just---I don’t know, out of curiosity…” Sakura said in a tiny voice, her hands trembling as she teased his dark hair, curling one soft hank around her finger. “If Naruto and your brother went at it, who would win? Hypothetically speaking, of course.”

“Hypothetically?” Sasuke repeated, and then frowned. “It’d be a hell of a battle, that’s for certain. Knowing Naruto, he could probably take two or three Tsukiyomi before he lost awareness. His incredible stamina and the Kyuubi’s chakra are his greatest advantages, but Itachi has better speed, Mangekyou-Sharingan, possibly the most finely finessed shuriken art…in comparison, Naruto is a brute. I think it’d depend on how much Itachi pissed Naruto off---the angrier he gets, the better he fights. He has a berserker’s nature due to the Kyuubi’s influence.”

“And if he was fighting to protect you, he’d be really pissed, right?” Sakura pressed, looking slightly relieved. “Naruto would be able to take Itachi if it was to protect you.”

“Maybe,” Sasuke murmured, drumming his fingers on his knees. She could nearly see him doing the calculations in his head. “But when Naruto fights in Naruto-Kyuubi berserker mode, he doesn’t see. He becomes an animal, half-fox, losing most the training that all the years of tutelage as a shinobi bred in him. And as a former ANBU assassin, Itachi is every bit a shinobi, even if he has scratched out the leaf symbol. Unless he fought smart, Naruto would lose simply on the grounds that Itachi has killed twenty times the men that Naruto has. He does not falter when the time to land the finishing blow comes.”

“So---so Naruto might not win? Naruto might die if he had to fight Itachi?” Sakura asked, her green eyes widening in horror.

“Yes,” Sasuke said slowly, focusing her in a sharp look. “Hypothetically speaking, of course.”

“Oh y-yeah,” the kunoichi stammered, knotting her hands in Sasuke’s hair hard enough to make him wince. “I mean, it’s not like I got drunk and told Itachi that you’re having a baby because I didn’t know that he was your brother, you know, the brother that killed your whole family because it must have seemed like a good idea to him at the time because he’s some kind of a freaky sociopath and---and---oh my god, I’m so sorry, Sasuke-kun! I---I didn’t even think. Itachi---he didn’t seem evil at all! He was kinda quiet and he seemed really sincere, and he bought me drinks---I had no idea that he was evil at all. And it just sort of…slipped out.”

Sasuke was surprisingly calm about the whole thing, despite the fact that Sakura was nearly yanking his hair from his scalp, and the whole issue that he could be certain that his brother now knew how pregnant and un-path-of-hatred-ish he currently was. Still tangled in his black hair, Sakura leaned into his shoulder and whimpered. He could feel her tears running down the curve of his neck, and he sighed.

“You really told Itachi that I’m having children?”

“Didn’t know about the multiple babies just then, but---er---yes. I’m so sorry, Sasuke. I r-r-r-really am. I’ve put you and your poor little babies in danger, and now we don’t even know if Naruto will win against Itachi if he does find you!”

“Sakura…”

“And---and---it’ll be all my fault, too! Here I am a medic-nin, sworn to help pregnant people like you, and---“

“Sakura---“

“---and maybe he’s not evil anymore! Maybe he’s happy you’re going to have babies, because he’s found that he misses having a family and---“

“Sakura---“

“---and okay, you’re right, that’s so not happening, b-but---!”

“SA-KU-RA---!”

The pink-haired ninja hiccoughed, looking up morosely. “Whaaaaaaat?”

“I’ve already been told about Itachi by a woman of similar mental disarray. He hasn’t found me,” Sasuke said very, very calmly. “And he won’t find me, either. I’m Satori-chan, remember, and the both of you are going to escort me to Konoha, where I’ll undoubtedly be under constant surveillance by the compulsively curious village ninja. Itachi is powerful, but he’s still just one man.”

“And we’ll protect you. Me, Iruka, Kakashi, Tsunade, Naruto---“

“And the rest of the ninja, too,” Sasuke agreed. “So no more listing. We’re moving on now.”

“Okay, right,” Sakura said, and then sighed raggedly. “We’ll get you to Konoha, and then we’ll be fine. You and your baby. Babies. We’re going to have to do an ultrasound on you to figure out exactly how many you’re expecting, so I don’t have to be so general about it…”

“And that’s a fair plan,” Sasuke said, and that was possibly the ultimate of his comforting skills---nodding and agreeing in a slightly-less-than-surly voice. As he had said, Uchihas were not so good with the less disagreeable emotions. “I’d like to know how many rooms I’m going to have to clean out in the Uchiha estate in preparation of these children. And Sakura?”

“Y-yes, Sasuke-kun?”

“Could you please get your fingernails out of my scalp? I’d rather not develop bald spots.”

“Oh. Sorry,” the medic-nin said sheepishly, flushing the same color as her vibrant hair. “Um, I think I’m done with your disguise. If Naruto has your stuff together, we can go, I guess...”


*

Naruto and Sakura were more than happy to let Sasuke decide on their speed. He walked with remarkable briskness considering the extra weight he was carrying, but it went without saying that their pace was nothing near the usual swiftness of a three-man-team. They had to stop every hour or so---not because Sasuke complained about his feet hurting, because he would not complain under any circumstance. Having been around the Uchiha as a teammate for many years, now, Sakura and Naruto were accustomed to silently dealing with his prickly attitude. They traveled for half the day at that pacing---not particularly quickly, but not the snail-slow trek any other pregnant woman would have required---until Sasuke started showing signs of lagging. He slowed a bit, pausing for quick rubs at his back or stomach, and he made painful little grimaces when he was certain his teammates weren’t watching.

But, of course, they were watching him constantly, one being a medic-nin and one being a worried father-to-be. Between the two of them, a decision was made to stop walking until Sasuke could be coaxed into muttering what was hurting him now. Sakura passed out water bottles, irritated by Sasuke’s stubbornness. He was bent on continuing to walk, despite Sakura’s urges for him to rest and Naruto’s quietness on a whole. That was Naruto’s way…when he worried over someone, he said nothing, and the lack of grins and teases was enough to put anyone off-ease. He was a good mate because of that---dominant without being domineering.

“We can take another break,” Sakura said with a weary sigh, glaring at Sasuke and his obstinate need to act masculine when he was quite obviously not. “We’re making good time---even if we stop for an hour or so, we’ll be back in Konoha by nightfall.”

“I don’t need a break,” Sasuke growled, rubbing at the small of his back. “If I sit down now, I won’t be able to convince myself to get back up.”

“Saaaaaaasukeeeeee…” the pink-haired girl whined, at her wit’s end with him. “You’ll regret it later if you push yourself too hard. And what with what you were telling me about the contractions---“

“It was a fluke,” the Uchiha heir said shortly, not wanting to revisit the incidence. “Won’t happen again. Now please, let’s just keep---“ he took in a sharp breath, holding it for a second with his eyes squeezed shut before exhaling softly. “---I don’t want to get upset again, Sakura, but my brother is undoubtedly trailing, and the worry is eating at me in the form of cramps. Stopping wouldn’t help relieve the cramps, because every moment I spend resting is one more moment he has to gain distance. Please don’t harry me on the matter.”

Naruto gave Sasuke a long look through dark blond lashes.

“If you won’t slow down,” Naruto said softly, twining his hand with Sasuke’s. “Let me help with the cramps. The jutsu’s stuttering again, right? If you’ll let me hold your hand, I can synch my chakra flow with yours to help stabilize your form.” He smiled slightly. “It’s not like I don’t have chakra to spare.”

Sasuke returned his long look, an indecipherable mask of pleasantly surprised confusion warming his dark eyes. He didn’t jerk his hand away---in fact, he squeezed Naruto’s hand gently, nodding and looking away to hide his appreciation and embarrassment.

“That might help,” he said carefully, blinking in surprise as Sakura sighed and took his other hand, adding her soothing green chakra with Naruto’s dualistic red-blue contribution.

“I don’t understand you sometimes, Sasuke-kun,” she said as the three began walking again, strung together like children on a field trip. “You Uchihas. So goddamn willful.”

“It makes him interesting,” Naruto said fairly, smiling at his old teammates. “So, you think we’re going to make it to Konoha by five? I think we should enjoy our walk. It is a beautiful day spent with the people I like best, lavishing in the springtime of our youth, and---“

“Sasuke-kun, may I?” Sakura asked dryly.

“If you would,” Sasuke replied with a dark glower. “You have my permission.”

Sakura reached over him and smacked the blond Hokage-to-be in the head.

“Shaddup,” Sakura muttered as he whined, rubbing his head and citing animal abuse. “I can’t believe God let an idiot like you reproduce…”


*

Ino paused, blinking. Out of the corner of her eye, she’d thought she’d seen a flash of black hair and dense chakra---Uchiha Sasuke, in the flesh. She’d followed the boy for enough years to have heightened senses when connected to him, making her able to pick him out in a crowd no matter the circumstance. Even marrying Chouji---and being very happy in that marriage, thank you very much---hadn’t changed that particular skill set. She blinked again, setting down the tea she’d been drinking.

So was Sasuke-kun back from his training mission, then? Ino smiled, her mind dancing nimbly over the effects that three months of hard training had probably had on Sasuke’s body. Chouji was a wonderful husband and probably the gentlest, kindest man alive, but he’d never have those slim hips and sexy, stringy limbs. Ino had married the kind of man she’d wanted to be loved by, but that didn’t mean she was above an appreciative ogle now and again…

Ino kicked back the rest of her tea, thanked the waitress, and trailed the flash of black hair she’d seen. It was easy enough, because, as usual, that familiar black spot was very near a familiar blond spot, which hadn’t changed in the last six years. It was odd to see Sasuke without Naruto, because (rumors notwithstanding) the two were rivals, and therefore connected at the hip. The rumors (some of which Ino herself had spread, especially since dropping out of the running when it came to Who Will Marry Uchiha Sasuke) just hazarded guesses as to what kind of “hip connection” the rivals held.

So there was Naruto, foxy and resplendent in his usual array of orange and black, having a laughing conversation with Sakura. Sasuke (she assumed it was Sasuke from behind, given that memorable black hair and much more memorable posterior, which she’d appreciated for many years) was between his two teammates---and Ino’s eyes widened in disbelief---and he had one hand playfully entwined with Naruto’s.

Whoa. Good morning and hello. That was new.

“Sasuke-kun?” Ino yelled, and she saw him stiffen in response. She loped up next to the group, waving for them to slow down. She wasn’t about to miss this opportunity---good Lord, this kind of gossip didn’t come every day! Ino caught up to them easily, and then---

And then Naruto’s companion turned to look at her.

And Ino decided that that couldn’t be Sasuke. Because whoever that elegant black-haired woman was, she was very female and very pregnant. Her dark glower was vaguely reminiscent of Sasuke’s, but Sasuke was neither pregnant nor female nor particularly fond of sparkly pink lip gloss. And one couldn’t ignore how pregnant the girl holding Naruto’s hand was---had to be seven or eight months along, and her maternity overalls didn’t even begin to disguise that. She blushed prettily at the gaping stare Ino was giving her, and shuffled closer to Naruto, half-hiding behind him. Naruto gave her a soft look, his fingers rubbing hers in reassurance.

“Sorry, Ino-pig,” Sakura said primly, a teasing smile on her lips. “Sasuke-kun didn’t come back with us. Still off training and being his handsomely stoic self.”

“Oh,” said Ino, taking aback and still eying the stranger warily. “Um, I’m sorry about that---er---do I know you?”

The girl opened her mouth to reply, but Naruto quickly jerked her hand, cutting off anything she might have said.

“Nah,” Naruto said swiftly, and put his arm around the pregnant girl. “You’ve never met before. This is my girlfriend, Umichi Satori. She---uh---she’s real shy. Doesn’t talk much.”

“Oh,” Ino said again, not completely convinced. There was something squirrely and devilish about Sakura’s expression that caught her off-ease---it was the kind of look that her pink-haired-rival had when she’d won a definite victory, and they hadn’t fought over things for a months. Something was definitely up.

For not being Sasuke, Satori felt a lot like Sasuke. Ino’s family brand of techniques revolved heavily around the mind, so she probed lightly, curious---and found herself batted viciously away by the woman’s chakra, a red-hot whip that left a weal against Ino’s psyche. Whoever she was, she was no pussy-cat, and she didn’t take kindly to having her brain picked.

“Ino-chan,” Sakura said, intervening as she saw Satori’s expression roil suddenly, darkening as she narrowed her eyes threateningly at Ino. “Er---Naruto and Satori-chan were just about to visit Godaime-sama---how about you and I go out to dinner? My treat.”

Curious and curiouser. Sakura never offered to pay unless she felt guilty about something or was in dire need of a gossip-fest.

“Okay,” Ino said, deciding that she’d take her rival by the ears and wring information out of her if she played coy. Something was going on, and Ino was not about to be left in the dust of the gossip train.

The moment Naruto had tugged Satori-chan away, Ino rounded on Sakura, hands on her hips.

“Spill,” she growled, narrowing her blue eyes at the smug grin Sakura was giving her. “What’s going on? How the hell did Naruto get a girlfriend, much less a hot chick like that---and don’t you dare tell me the baby is his. You know the village elders will go absolutely bananas if the kyuubi-kid starts spreading his sperm around!”

“For one,” Sakura said with a smirk. “She is not Naruto’s girlfriend. For two, it is more than likely his. And for three…do you remember that mission about a year back when we had to teach Sasuke and Naruto how to pose as women?”

“Of course I do,” Ino said, rolling her eyes. “I still have all those blackmail pictures of Sasuke dressed in drag, and…”

And then it clicked.

Ino trailed off into a squeal that sounded like a bad teakettle going off; her blue eyes widened in horrified shock, and it was at least a full minute before she remembered to re-hinge her jaw. Coherency fled, and she leaned on Sakura and made pathetic little gasping sounds that might have been “preg-preg-preg-preg-preg---!” had it not been for the hysterical shrieks shoved in-between the choppy word-bits.

And Sakura would lavish in that expression for the rest of her life.

“Yeah,” said Sakura, and grinned. “I think that pretty much covers it. So then, still up for dinner?”