Our most featured Naruto

Disclaimer: Naruto, not mine.


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October 6, 2006
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Huh…huh…huh…oh God! Sorry…I…can’t…breathe right now…but damn! Tsunade-baachan is like an elephant on speed! God! I had to tranquilize her butt FIVE times before she went down! And I don’t why I didn’t video tape it! Sending that to Youtube or something would be such sweet payback for what she did! And she’s only been here for a day dammit! I have to admit though…because she was there…it made Sasuke-teme laugh. He looks so nice when he laughs…

Oh God what am I saying? Sasuke’s an ice bitch through and through! Yeah…that’s right…well anyway…this has been one freaky ass day. I thought I’d be lonely again today…but with all the shit that’s happened I didn’t really have time to think about it. I mean the way people have been looking at me…I thought people in school hated me enough and already got used to it, but now they suddenly act I have a giant mole on my face! Oh crap…maybe I do! I haven’t checked myself out all day! Since I hate looking at myself…oh shit! Is that why?! I heard moles come overnight! Oh shit! I gotta check! Wait there okay?

…

…

…

…Okay I’m back! And I’m happy to say that I’m completely mole free! And…oh…my bad…I somehow forgot that I’m looking at a webcam so I can practically see myself…okay that’s embarrassing…future Naruto, please forgive my stupidity…well assuming that I actually get smarter in the future…all righty! Moving on…

I’m gonna do things a bit differently today. I’m gonna recall my day backwards, since the weird parts happened at the end of the day. Okay…how to begin…Oh yeah almost forgot! Today is October 6, 2006, it’s a Monday, and it’s nine-thirty, I had just put Tsunade to sleep so I’m really tired but I’d be stupid if I don’t talk about today. All right…enough stalling…here goes…a guy asked me out today. Yup…I know how that must have sounded and I’m still trying to decide if it actually happened or not. But since it only happened an hour and a half ago and it’s still clear in my head, I’m guessing that I was actually awake…but anyway…yeah…a guy asked me out…and I’m actually not at all that bothered with it. So does that mean that I’m…NO! I refuse to admit that I’m gay! Bisexual at least…but not full blown homo! So many people I know are gay! Sasuke-teme is, I know he likes guys when I caught him staring at a pack of Calvin Klein at the mall once…and the fact that he hates Sakura-chan only backs it up, I mean, who could hate Sakura-chan? He probably knows the model and has a crush on him…though I never rubbed it in his face…he’s quite sensitive about that…then there’s Neji. Well Neji is more like a dainty kind of gay…he’s just a fruit! Nuff’ said…and God don’t even get me started on Lee! He actually likes being gay! His idol is Richard Simmons for God’s sake?! Next to Gai of course… But then I wonder why he obviously has a crush on Sakura-chan…so I guess he’s a bit bi then… Well, Sai…I really don’t wanna talk about him. He grabbed my nuts again today so that pretty much speaks for itself. And this one…now I really didn’t see this one coming…so…I guess it’s now apparent that Gaara is too…

Yeah…you guessed it. Sabaku Gaara asked me out today. THE Sabaku Gaara! Need I say it again? Gaara, the Gaara who used to eat out of the sandbox. Though I’m not really sure if he still does it though…but yeah, Gaara asked me out. You know, it wouldn’t have been so…bizarre and unexpected if I’d actually seen him once in the past three weeks. I was under the strict impression that he was avoiding me before today. Today when I accidentally caught him jerking off in a broom closet, though he denied it, obviously. Then he gets all nervous and yells at me out of the blue for being gay! I was like WTF?! But after he called me today, I guess it was obvious he had been trying to ask me out all along. But…weird…I thought Gaara would reproduce through cell division or something, cuz I swear he’s asexual! I even went as far to think that he was impotent! Four years ago he actually kicked a girl in the groin for saying he was cute! He likes fighting dirty…but a girl?! It’s not like he only beats on girls though, of course he kicks guys in the nuts too. It’s all the same for him. He even kicked his brother where it hurt at graduation for trying to fix his tie. Poor, poor Kankuro…

Okay…now I really have to ask what I feel about this. And…I guess I really don’t mind. I’m actually kinda glad though that someone would willingly want to spend time with me, boy or otherwise, and I’m actually kinda relieved that it would be Gaara since…well…damn it’s embarrassing talking about this stuff…but it’s my journal so who would know? Okay…well, I kinda like Gaara. Not the in a crush sort of thing, but I really do like him. Always have. Since we shared the same experiences back in those days, though memories are kinda foggy, same for him…but yeah. We suffered the same way, and he knows that. But…right. Gaara is a fascination for me, but he’s always been so bottled up I just couldn’t get close to him. And today he calls me out of nowhere and demands that I go on a date with him. Well, anyway, I would have said yes. I just wanna get to know him…it’s not like he’s gonna be my boyfriend or anything, that just doesn’t sound right… Well, anyway…if ever he DOES ask me to be his boyfriend…then…I don’t know. I’ve been alone for so long, I just might…okay! I don’t wanna think about that right now! I’ll decide when it happens! When it happens…

All right…that’s enough about Gaara…and this date thing…I’ll save that for tomorrow…when it happens. Okay…what else today…oh yeah. Sasuke-teme is my study partner for the week. Though I wish it could have been Shika-teme, so that I could actually TALK to him. But anyway, Sasuke is great as a partner, as usual. He’s so smart and popular and stuff, he’s just perfect! But I’m just not jealous of him anymore, I don’t know why. I’m kinda sorry that he had to see Tsunade-baba all…liberated like that. Not to mention that she actually stripped herself naked when she got to my room. Mega gross! But the bastard enjoyed it so it was all good. She’s such a freakin hippo, I can’t move her dammit! She actually bit me in the nipple when I tried to carry her! Even when she’s drunk and unconscious she a scary ass bitch! So now she has to sleep on MY bed, I could only hope she doesn’t puke on it…God…she’s gonna wake up with one hell of a hangover in the morning.

Continuing now…I ran out of school before the bell, courtesy of Kiba who demanded that I tell him about Shino and Shikamaru. I’m not really sure anymore as to why I didn’t tell him actually, I wanted to, I really did, but I think Shino or Shika wouldn’t like it much. I don’t know…I feel like I have to resolve some things with them first before I say anything…which I will so do…tomorrow. I have to say something this week, since supposedly my party is on Friday night at Oktoberfest, I would appreciate it if my friends could make it without killing each other! Oh yeah! Listen to this! Ero-sennin is the one who’s actually paying for it! I don’t know what my friends did but it worked. I’m kinda scared though…I don’t want hookers in my party dammit!

So…I’m both really excited and really scared about Friday, since it is gonna be the first party ever dedicated to me, but you can’t blame me for being nervous when ero-sennin and Tsunade-baachan are gonna be there. I wonder who’s gonna be invited though? I guess that’s not up to me…I’ll just let my friends do that…mainly Shikamaru…okay I guess it’s time to mention him now. That smartass bastard didn’t even LOOK at me today! God! That lazy freak actually didn’t find it troublesome to avoid me like that when we could just talk! Damn I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him! I can understand Shino since he’s just doing what I asked but Shikamaru?! What the hell did I do?! I suspect that maybe he did do something bad and he doesn’t want a chance to talk about it. But then does that mean that EVERYONE is keeping secrets from me?! Hell, I think even my classmates look like they know something I don’t! From the way they’ve been looking at me all day…especially Kagome who keeps blushing when I see her, what the hell is that about? And then there’s Miaka who looks like she hates me more than ever, well the feeling’s mutual lady! And then there’s that other girl, I think her name was Relena? Yeah…she just kept staring at me, in a stoned kind of way. I would have asked her what her problem was if I was sure she could talk. Seriously, she’s about as social as Shino! I’ve REALLY never heard her talk before! It’s just not natural…

And oh yeah…as if this day couldn’t get any weirder, Sai showed up. Remember Sai? The first person to ever shake hands with Naruto Jr., and he’s an Uchiha to top things off. That fucker actually had the tenacity to touch me right in the middle of class! Not like it was much of a class though, Kakashi was giggling to his porn again. What a loser, I bet he hasn’t been getting laid since Iruka-sensei doesn’t want him, not since he caught him and Gai making love on Sakura-chan’s bed at last year’s Christmas party, they were drunk he says, I wonder if she changed the sheets… Well anyway, I lost it when he called me his “dickless wonder”. Even when I was breaking his arms off, he actually succeeded in grabbing me again! And oh my God I swear I almost turned fox when he started to jerk me off! In the middle of class! He was dead! I was frozen long enough though for Chouji and Kiba to hold me back before I could throw the school at Sai and God did I want to! I don’t think Kakashi looked up once when the paramedics came and took Sai away again. Seriously, Sai is a fucking masochist! I think the only reason he transferred schools was so he could feel me up! He looked like he was actually enjoying it when I was tearing him limb from limb with that mutated smile of his, or whatever it was.

Wow…I’m getting all out of breath ranting about Sai…that fucktard! If he does that AGAIN, then I’ll make sure the ambulance NEVER arrives in time! Uchiha or not they can sue my ass for all I care! Okay…I’ve pretty much said all there is about today. It was one manic Monday! Oh I almost forgot! Tsunade…yeah she just arrived out of nowhere this morning, wanting a place to stay, she was broke of course. And yet she could afford to go clubbin and pick up a manwhore! I swear she’s-

“Oh Dr. Pepper! You’re so good to poke my butt like that! Oh Dr. Pepper! Please poke something else will you?! I WANT IT!!”

…oh fudge. Damn! I guess I have to cut this short, I’m gonna need to get more tranquilizers! Sayonara! See you tomorra! Maybe after my little…date…yippee…

“I’m so horny for you Dr. Pepper! So HORNY!!”

…Oh Jesus. Okay gotta go bye!

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“Ino?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you there?”

“Obviously Shikamoron! What is it?”

“Are you getting this?”

“What? The video?”

“What else…”

“Oh yeah…this has controversy written all over it!”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well Neji for starters…I still can’t stop giggling…hehe…And oh my God! He’s going on a date tomorrow! With Gaara!”

“Yes. That will stir quite a lot of waves.”

“But…you already knew that Gaara asked him out didn’t you?”

“Of course. I tapped his phone lines.”

“You are one sneaky bastard. Hehe… But it makes our jobs easier. And um…Shikamaru?

“Yeah?”

“He’s really bummed about the whole you not talking to him thing. When are you gonna give him a break?”

“When I feel like it…maybe at the party.”

“Okay…”

“You’re gonna have to watch over Sakura again tomorrow.”

“Why?”

“…”

“…oh my God! I can’t believe I forgot! Kakashi and…eww…Gai had sex on HER bed! I didn’t even know that! People are bound to have trouble keeping a straight face with her from now on!”

“You’re gonna have to spread your powers farther Ino. Since people don’t know they have to keep it a secret from Sakura too.”

“Che…it’s not even necessary! But that Sasuke is a sadistic bastard! If she knows too soon, then he’s bound to punish us! Damn I hate this job…”

“Damage control is troublesome, yes. So, do you wanna tap Sakura’s phone lines too?”

“I suppose…there won’t be anything stopping people from calling her…tomorrow I guess. Anyway, I have to go Shikamaru. My dad’s home and there’s no sleeping passed ten for him.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye Shikamaru. And don’t censor anything okay! Sasuke staring at men’s underwear is some good payback!”

“Sure.”

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Review responses! But there’s only one though I really need to respond too in some way.


NEKOHIME: You have given me by far the best review I have ever received, but it is not so much the content as it is the timing. Just hours ago I was actually asking myself about whether I should continue with this, which happens a lot thanks to my constant bouts of depression. But then I read your review and you had completely brought joy to my miserable heart! Thank you so much. It cheers me up more than anything that something I do brings that kind of reaction from you. So thanks.


Please give the time to review people! I don’t want this to die! I just so need the motivation. Reading your reviews and writing for you is all that makes me happy these days. Sad I know but what can I do. Thank you all for your support everyone and I don’t want to let you down.

And to all those who thought that the scene with the crossovers was random, it was not. I placed that scene to symbolize the conflict brought by Naruto’s journal, some are starting to like him while others maintain in hating him, that’s all it was. I placed guests since I said that I really do hate OC’s with a passion. And anyway, who would I be if I didn’t try to instill some humor eh? Whether it succeeded or not I’ll never know…