It's Always Been Us All

Chapter Eight— This is what we Feel

Naruto woke up with something wet and sticky clenching to his forehead— making him moan in annoyance. Sniffing slightly, he immediately knew where he was. He knew that rotten smell anywhere… his room! Sighing in relief, he removed the wet thing that had been drooling all over his forehead. He wondered how the hell it had gotten there in the first place. Opening his eyes, he decided to investigate and find out for himself what was going on.


Sakura…


Right. He remembered now. Everything came rushing back to him as he stared silently at the sleeping medic-nin in his room… sitting on his favorite chair of all time. He knew he should have gotten rid of that awful piece of furniture long ago! Though why Sakura was sleeping on it was still something he was trying to figure out… Hadn’t she got the point when he’d told her to get the fuck out?! Shaking his head slightly, Naruto realized that some people would never learn.

He looked around his room and figured that nothing was missing. The only thing valuable to steal would be his lamp. Sakura had prettier ones at her own house. Rolling his eyes at the thoughts that he was having, Naruto decided it was high time Sakura left his apartment… He needed alone time to think over what had happened.

Naruto’s eyes swept over the young girl before him, tracing every single detail of her into his brain… She was so beautiful. Even while sleeping, when she wasn’t even trying to be! Just watching her, sleeping in such a peaceful state made something warm creep throughout his whole chest.



He wanted to touch her… He wanted to caress her, he wanted to taste her. Kami help him… he wanted her to be his! Why was this so hard for him?! Why did everything and everyone seem to be against him? Why hadn’t she ever accepted him…?



Because you’re an idiot… that’s why, baka! You’re stupid, ugly, and a monster…

Shaking his head at how absurd everything seemed to be, he continued to stare at the one girl that had stolen his heart since he had entered the Academy. She was everything that he would never be. She wanted everything that he could never give… She already had all she could ever need: Sasuke.

It frustrated him that everyone he cared about got to be happy. Everyone but him. Sometimes life could be so unfair to people who didn’t really deserve it. Naruto knew the reasons why the Village hated him, but he knew it was all a bunch of bullshit too. He was no monster…! He truly believed himself to be one of the best ninja that Konoha had. He had never taken away the life of an innocent, like people believed. Iruka-sensei had once told him that a person’s true self relied on what his thoughts and his heart was telling him.

He did not have murder and blood in either his thoughts or his heart. He was not the Kuuybi— and people should really get over the whole dramatic scenery of blaming what the fourth Hokage did all on him! It wasn’t his fault, he had not asked for the demon to be sealed within him. Yet sometimes the villagers acted so stupid that he felt like exploding. Fuck the whole “Oh Naruto, you have to understand… these people lost their loved ones!” Yeah, well maybe it would have been easier to understand if maybe he had someone to love him!

And once again, it all came back to Sakura. She had been the first person he had ever fallen for. She had hated him at first, and then she had grown to tolerate him when they had been placed in the same team— then later on she had called him a friend. But sometimes he wondered if what the definition that she had of the word ‘friendship’ was different from the definition that he had. A friend didn’t hide things from you. Especially if they knew that when you found out, it would hurt more than a fucking kunai plunged into your fucking heart.

It didn’t matter anymore though, because Naruto would never give her the power to hurt him like that again. He would never let anyone hurt him in such a way that he would wish his own death. He would never allow anyone to take advantage of him in such a way that he despised his very being. Not Sakura… not Sasuke. Never again!

Now if only he could figure out a way to get the bitch out of his chair and out of his apartment without having to actually speak to her! It wasn’t that he was scared of backing away from his new found resolve… But shit he was scared of backing away from his new found resolve! Sakura had a way of manipulating him… and he wasn’t blind to it.

Naruto stood up from his place on the bed and decided to just walk away. It was the best thing to do. Sakura was in his room and there were only two ways she was going to get out: he either kicked her ass out, or she left on her own. He preferred not to even speak to her at the moment though, so that left her to get out on her own…

She would leave if he wasn’t there.

As quietly as he could, Naruto walked over to his closet. Grabbing his favorite orange Jacket, a black shirt, and his orange kakis— he proceeded to put the garments on as quietly as he could in front of the girl that had ripped his heart out. A blush tainted his tanned cheeks as he realized that he was naked…

That meant Sakura had cleaned him.

Ignoring what the implications of that little information meant, Naruto slipped on his orange teeny shoes. Ready to go, Naruto decided that it would be quieter if he left through the window instead of taking the door right next to Sakura. Looking at the sleeping girl once more, he took a shaky breath, knowing that it was the best thing for him to do… for his own sanity he had to get away from her.

Though Naruto couldn’t help but freeze on the spot when the moment that he opened the window, a breeze cooled the room, instantly waking Sakura and having her call out to him. He tensed at the sound of her voice. This was not good. He didn’t want what had happened the night before to repeat itself once more.

“Don’t go Naruto. Please talk to me.” Sakura stood from her chair and walked over to Naruto, placing soft hands on the blonde’s shoulders— he went rigid automatically. He wasn’t ready for touching.

“… I don’t think I can live without your friendship,” Sakura whispered, only succeeding in angering Naruto. Why was she even telling him that? She was only confusing him because the way she said it… it almost sounded like she had meant it.

He couldn’t allow himself hope anymore though. He knew first hand that the strongest hurt a person can feel is the one brought forth by killing the hope you once held so dearly. Sakura’s words only wanted to plant evil seeds of hope deep inside him… he couldn’t afford that. Not again. Not like this!

“Why can’t you understand that it hurt me, Sakura?” He asked silently, still not completely sure why he was even indulging her. He was still planning on having nothing to do with her that didn’t include work, after this.

“I know we hurt you, but please believe me when I say that it was never my intention to hurt you like that.”


“Then why did you keep it from me? Why didn’t you just tell me?!” He was getting irritated with this stupid talk. He knew what her excuses were; he wanted nothing to do with them anymore!

“Because! I know you had feelings for me… we were scared to hurt you. That, and… and I think… I think that Sasuke was ashamed of me or something. He doesn’t want anyone to know, you know? It wasn’t just my secret.”

“So you made me believe something that wasn’t true. You made me believe that I still had a chance with you! You hurt me Sakura.” He was getting weaker and weaker as each minute went by. It wasn’t even fifteen minutes ago when he had been so convicted of never falling for their tricks again— yet there he was, willing to believe the words that were spilling out of his love’s mouth.

“It really hurts you so much, Naruto? It bothers you that I’m so happy by his side? Why…?”

At those words Naruto turned to face those green eyes that had haunted his dreams on more than one occasion. Those eyes that had once held him captivated in such a way that made him want to loose himself in those green pools. Those eyes that he had once looked upon with such adoration... Now though, those eyes caused him nothing but pure sadness— they served to remind him of something he would never have.

“Sakura… you’re wrong. It’s not that you are with him, it’s not that at all! It’s that even if the jackass did not exist or live in Konoha… Even if you had never met him, you would never take into consideration that maybe I could be good to you. That maybe we could have something. But I guess I understand… I’m a monster after all.” He bit out sarcastically, knowing very well what the words would mean to Sakura.

Though he hadn’t expected the feverish kiss that the young medic-nin surprised him with at his words. He didn’t expect her to plunge her tongue into his mouth, uninvited. Naruto didn’t expect her to whisper his name. Uzumaki Naruto. Against his lips as she assaulted him. And he certainly didn’t expect her to pull him towards her, leading them towards his bed.

Naruto couldn’t even think straight as he found that most of his fantasies were becoming a reality right in that very moment. As those soft delectable lips brushed over and over against his own. How many times had he dreamt of kissing her? How many times had he wished for this to happen? He couldn’t help but moan. He wrapped his arms around her small waist— trying to bring them as close together as he could— encouraging her to continue.

This was what he had always wanted...



“I love you,” He whispered to her as he pushed her onto the bed none to gently. Her eyes were closed and the small whimpers that she was letting out only served to pain his erection.

Ako compared nothing to Sakura… to her touches, to her lips, to her beautiful soft skin. To the way she touched him and made him feel like he would loose his soul completely. To the way her touch made him feel so incredibly hot. She was perfect. This was perfect.

Naruto watched as she lay before him, prepared to give herself to him in the most pleasurable way he could imagine. In the way he had always wanted. And yet… yet he knew this was wrong…

He couldn’t do it.

Kissing her one more time— groaning as she bucked her small but fierce hips against his painful erection, Naruto forced himself off of her. This wasn’t how he wanted to have her. He didn’t want to be a pity lay. He didn’t want her to sleep with him just because what he had said made her feel guilty. He wanted her to really want him. To want him. Not pity him.

“What’s wrong…?” Her voice was shaky, he could see in her eyes that she was afraid… afraid of rejection. Though he knew that even the pain he was about to cause her was nothing compared to all of the years he had suffered because of her own rejection towards him. She didn’t understand what she did to him… how even now she was hurting him.

“You have to go,” He whispered weakly, praying to all the gods that she would just understand and leave. This wasn’t right. He had berated Sasuke for doing this to him not too long ago… This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. “Please… just go.”

Sakura cleared her throat, standing and straightening herself up before the blonde. “I never wanted to hurt you Naruto… please forgive me?” Her voice held dejection… sorrow… he knew that she was sorry. He knew then that she really did care for him.

But as for her loving him in the way he so wished. He knew that it would only be a dream. If anything, he would only ever be a pity lay for her— the thought alone made him want to crawl into some hole and just die. He had never felt so alone in his life than he did at that moment. The moment when Sakura once more reached up and placed her lips on his—brushing her tongue lightly against his bottom lip. “Forgive me Naruto.”

And he did. He forgave her because he knew that it wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t love him… that she couldn’t love a monster.


-------End Chapter-------


AN: Well this was shorter than the other chapters, I think. Be thankful you got a chappie though! My gosh, you guys have any idea how hard it is to decide what College I should go to?! Arugh… I’m stuck between staying here close to my family… Or moving three hours away, living on campus, and studying my passion— music. *Grumbles and glares at the world* But yeah, I hope you guys liked this chapter… I know it’s so far my favorite of this whole flick. *snorts at herself* ANyWaYs! Please leave a Review! Seriously, it takes like 40 seconds… (Have you guys noticed that the seconds become more and more each chapter?!) LOL!