Naruto, You're Not Pregnant!

Happy birthday to lexjamandme/michelerene whose b-day is January 22nd! Enjoy your b-day chappie! Beta’d by Darkalbino – she did the wrapping on your present. :)


Naruto, You're Not Pregnant!

Chapter 8: Double Trouble

"They're so cute!" Karin squealed, watching the twin boys as they stretched and yawned. Even though the twins were unable to do much more than make small movements due to only being three weeks old, just watching the way the little ones moved brought a smile to everyone’s faces.

For traveling purposes, Sasuke usually had both of them strapped either to his front or his back. He rarely let them out of his sight. And while he allowed his team to attend to his children at night merely due to sheer need for sleep (he still loathed the mere thought of having to wake up in the middle of the night unless it was an emergency), he took care of them meticulously.

However, at the moment, Sasuke was off taking care of some personal business, letting his team watch over the twins as they rested in a farmer's field near a small village. The infant boys lay on their backs, blinking up at the faces hovering over them. Their eyes took in everything as their developing minds tried to process what they saw.

"They're hellions," Suigetsu grumped. "They kept me up with their crying all last night. Now they’re resting peacefully because they don't have to keep moving from place to place. And once one of them starts bawling, then the other one starts wailing louder. It's like a baby pissing match. 'I can cry louder than you!' 'What? No way! Try this wail on for size!'" Suigetsu grumbled. "I hate babies." Though he said this last part hushed, as though to make sure the babies themselves didn't hear his confession.

"This coming from the guy who keeps freaking out when they cry, jumping up out of his bedroll to make sure that they're okay, and cooing at them that everything's just fine," Juugo said, amused. Suigetsu blushed.

"Well, you know. If something happens to them, Sasuke will torture us all. Just don't want my hide to be beaten into a pulp," Suigetsu mumbled.

"Somehow I doubt it's the threat of Sasuke that is keeping you so vigilant," Juugo smiled knowingly. They all glanced over toward the trees where they knew Sasuke was currently doing something he found both utterly humiliating, yet still insisted upon doing.

One of the side effects of the Klinefelter's syndrome Sasuke suffered from was that his body naturally produced prolactin, the hormone that was necessary to produce breast milk. Sasuke refused point blank to actually breast feed the twins at his chest, but on the other hand, he knew that breast milk was best for developing a baby's mental health. As he wanted to make sure they were as physically and mentally fit as possible, he coaxed the milk from his body into bottles to feed the twins. Unfortunately, it took a while to fill two bottles. They used formula as well, but Sasuke insisted that they have two bottles of breast milk a day for the first few weeks.

"How does he know all of this stuff?" Suigetsu asked as he watched the babies roll around. "He's been changing their diapers without batting an eye, burping them and all that other stuff like he's been doing it for years."

"I know! He hasn't even used the baby manual I put together for him," Karin said sadly.

"Hey! I helped...a little."

"Considering he has the sharingan, I would imagine learning such mundane skills merely by copying the movements of others comes naturally to him. Not to say he could copy such things with the sharingan as they're not actually jutsu, but he can see how people move better due to his training," Juugo explained.

"I guess. Never thought of that. I guess that's how he can tell the twins apart. I mean, like, they're identical and everything, so I can't figure out which is which. I know Sasuke can tell. Even Karin can't tell them apart yet because their chakras are too similar. They haven't grown in their own rights. Man, what will happen when these two itty bitty guys grow up to have big bad sharingans too?" Suigetsu wondered. "They seem so harmless now. Can you imagine that we all started out like this? So little and helpless? I mean, even the most powerful people were shitting in their diapers, needing someone to change them. Kinda humbling, you know?" Suigetsu mused as he poked one of the twins' kicking feet.

Karin slapped him.

"Ow!"

"Don't do that!" Karin hissed.

"It's not hurting him. Just playing with his foot. You can't do much with them when they're like this. They can't run or anything. They don't even roll over."

"They're not dogs," Karin snapped.

"Why do you two bicker so much?" Juugo asked with a shake of his head. "You're going to be a bad influence on these two," he noted. Both of them made a nasty reply to Juugo, before turning their attention back onto the babies.

Sasuke returned soundlessly. If he was surprised that the bickering had stopped before his return, he made no comment on it. Instead, he took one twin, and propped him in his arms, pressing the bottle to eagerly awaiting lips.

"So..." Suigetsu began.

"I haven't given them names yet. You don’t need to be able to tell them apart. Stop asking," Sasuke replied calmly. Suigetsu had been bringing the topic up more and more frequently, though he usually did so when Sasuke's hands were occupied with holding one of the twins.

"If you don't think of something soon, I'm going to start calling them Twin One and Twin Two," Suigetsu grumbled. Sasuke was able to tell the twins apart, but so far he had been purposefully doing his best to make it hard for his team to get attached to one over the other.

"If that is the best your small mind can come up with, then you may refer to them as such in your head. If you enjoy having your tongue attached to your throat, then do not refer to them as such out loud."

"Always so violent," Suigetsu grumbled, having to get the last word before shutting up. There was silence for a few moments.

"I understand that you are concerned about the twins, even if you try and pretend that you are not. I also know you're concerned about me," Sasuke added, quietly. His words surprised his team, but he continued despite their obvious shock. "We're going to return to Konoha. I am going to give one of the twins to Naruto to raise. It will help us when we move about. Having one baby is difficult enough. Having to protect two babies means twice as many supplies to carry around, and twice as many chances that one of them would start crying; it is not safe."

A heavier silence lingered among them. It was the first time that Sasuke had actually admitted out loud that his old teammate Naruto was the twins' other parent. Not that his team hadn’t figured it out, but for him to state it so bluntly was a bit shocking. Even more shocking was to hear Sasuke admit he was going to give one of the twins away. He had hinted at possibly giving up one or even both of the twins, but for the past three weeks, he hadn’t let his team in on that information. Even when he had, with the way he was so attached to them made them take him less seriously.

"Naruto will name one twin, and I will name the other. Until then..." he trailed off.

It was hard enough for him to give up one of his sons. It would be worse having named one and to then give him up. Naming a child would make it so much harder for him to give him up, even if Sasuke was doing it for what he thought was the best interest for both of his children.

"You're serious about splitting them up? But, isn't that like, asking for something bad to happen? Twins separated at birth and all?" Suigetsu asked, warily.

"Shut up! This is a hard decision for Sasuke-kun," Karin glowered.

"There are other options. We could find a place to raise them. We could have a home base – or several – " Juugo started.

"No. I've thought about this. They're my children, and it's my decision. But we need to plan first. I have a feeling it will take Naruto some time to get adjusted to having a baby. I won't leave my son there without what he needs to take care of him."

"At least someone can use that manual now," Suigetsu pointed out to Karin. She sighed, dejected.

"It was meant for Sasuke-kun."

"So...what are we doing now?" Juugo asked, always ready to be on the move.

"We’re going to Konoha. Once there, we'll get some more supplies. Karin, you and Suigetsu can go into a local store and purchase duplicate supplies to give to Naruto. The shop owners in Konoha won't recognize your faces." Karin and Suigetsu exchanged a disgusted look with each other, as though no one in their right mind would think that they would be shopping together, especially not for a baby. "Juugo, I'll need you to scout out the area inside Konoha and find Naruto’s new apartment. Things have changed since they rebuilt. I won't enter the city premises in case my presence is easily recognized until everything has been situated in Naruto's apartment. Once everything is, come back to our rendezvous point outside of the city's walls. Juugo and Suigetsu will return and watch one of the twins. Karin, you stay with Naruto. Juugo, when scouting the area, your best bet is to see if there is still a ramen stand called Ichiraku. He used to eat there most evenings. It wouldn't be too hard for you to slip a sedative into his ramen. It's not a poison, and it's slow acting. Naruto's a heavy sleeper to begin with, so it will aid in allowing us to get in and out of his apartment without him detecting us."

"Uh, you want us to go in the apartment when he's there?" Suigetsu asked.

"I'm not leaving my son alone in an empty apartment!" Sasuke growled.

"Er, right."

"Konoha is a few days' travel from here. If we leave now, we can get there by twilight in two and a half days. It will be the best time to act. Karin and Suigetsu can shop right before the store closes so they don’t have to carry the supplies around all day. Juugo can slip the sedative into Naruto's ramen around dinner time."

"Is that everything?" Juugo asked. Sasuke nodded.

"Let’s go."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Konoha people are stupid. They actually believe that we’re together?" Karin grumbled, her hands on her hips as she exited a baby shop in Konoha. She stifled a yawn, tired from the way Sasuke had pushed them to get to Konoha in the two and a half day time frame. Suigetsu moved sluggishly behind her, a ton of bags in his hands. They would have continued shopping as Karin was determined to buy everything possible for the twin they were leaving behind, but as they had gone late at night, the store clerk had finally told them they needed to make their final purchases so she could close up.

"You could help carry these," Suigetsu pointed out, trying to off load at least one bag in her empty hands.

"Yeah right! If these people are to believe I just gave birth, that means you should be doing all the heavy lifting," Karin said with a flip of her hair.

"At least it explains why you look like a fat cow," Suigetsu grumbled. For his sake, he was lucky Karin hadn't heard him. "Juugo should have found the apartment by now. He’ll probably have to send us a sign soon."

"Hey," Juugo said, coming up along side them, taking a few bags from Suigetsu.

"Or not," Karin groaned. "What happened? Why didn’t you wait for us where we were going to meet you after that Naruto guy passed out?"

"Naruto didn't go out to eat at the ramen place tonight. Apparently he had been by earlier in the day because one of his friends had offered to pay for lunch," Juugo said.

"I knew that wasn't going to work. Now what do we do?" Suigetsu asked.

"We'll just wait till he's asleep. I did at least find out where he lived. As long as we're quiet, all we have to do is drop the stuff off and leave. But he does have booby-traps on the door."

"What kind of ninja still puts booby-traps on the front door?" Karin asked, crossing her arms. Suigetsu grinned.

"Just leave that to me."

Almost two hours later after waiting outside of Naruto's window to make sure he had fallen asleep, Juugo, Karin, and Suigetsu stood outside of the sleeping nin's apartment. Suigetsu liquefied himself, collapsing into a puddle before flooding himself underneath the door. It took a few minutes, but the door opened from the inside, showing Suigetsu grinning toothily from ear to ear. He didn't speak, just ushered them in. Working as quietly as ninja should, they deftly placed all the items throughout the living room and kitchen, quickly filling the small apartment.

Karin quietly motioned for the other two to go get Sasuke as she kept guard.

It took only a few minutes for Juugo and Suigetsu to meet Sasuke at the designated meeting place.

"He had an interesting array of traps. I'm kind of impressed. Managed to disarm them easily enough from the inside. The window doesn't seem to be protected, but I suppose he assumes that if a person is stupid enough to attack a ninja right by his window, which he doesn't even have locked, he would risk waking them up in a direct fight," Suigetsu explained.

"Not surprising. He's very trusting of his friends. I'm sure he assumes that anyone suspicious wouldn't get past his friends on guard duty." Even as Sasuke spoke, his eyes were distracted. He held both of the twins in his arms, cradled close to his chest.

"Which...which one are you going to give up?" Suigetsu wondered. No one but Sasuke had been able to tell them apart. Whenever they tried to dress them differently, Sasuke had switched their clothes. He did things purposefully to make it difficult for his teammates to grow attached too much to one child or the other. Even so, Sasuke could tell them apart effortlessly. As much as he had tried to make his team feel unburdened when he gave one up, Sasuke knew, and had always known, the difference.

"The elder brother," Sasuke murmured. He had never bothered to tell which one was older or younger. Suigetsu and Juugo both looked at the twins, wondering which one would be leaving them, and which one would be staying. Sasuke looked down at his sons. He gave a kiss on top of both of their heads. "Take Seishi," Sasuke murmured, offering the twin in his left arm for Juugo, finally naming the son he was keeping. As soon as Juugo held Seishi securely in his arms, Sasuke took the oldest twin, pressing him close to his chest before fleeing into the night.

Sasuke's eyes whirled past the different homes and businesses in Konoha. Things seemed to be mostly the same from before Konoha had been rebuilt, but there were still glaring differences that bothered Sasuke’s perception of his childhood home. He tried not to dwell on these facts as he could feel the warmth of his eldest son cradled tightly to his chest. Fear of attack had never weighed so heavily on him. If Sasuke got injured it would be one thing, but if his son was injured or killed, he would never forgive himself. That was exactly why he needed to separate them. He knew he was being selfish by even keeping Seishi, but he wanted him – not to mention there would be few who could train his sons with the sharingan. Sasuke was sure Kakashi would take a hand in helping Naruto with their other son, but even he could only teach him limited techniques. That was part of the reason Sasuke had decided to give Naruto their eldest child. In the Uchiha’s history, it was the oldest that became the more powerful and lethal of the two. He trusted Naruto to keep that side of their son from showing up. Sasuke was both hateful and grateful toward Naruto for giving him the opportunity to pass on his lineage to two beautiful boys, despite all the issues it had caused.

It felt like much too soon before he had entered the apartment. Karin stood by the door, waiting for Sasuke to arrive. As soon as he had, he wordlessly motioned for her to leave the apartment. She nodded, looking at the twin in his arms longingly. Sasuke glared at her as she made a motion to hug his son goodbye, not letting her get too close. Her face clouded over before she vanished out the door.

Sasuke looked over at the entrance of the apartment, noting the disarmed devices. Sasuke inwardly scoffed. It wasn't anything fancy as Suigetsu had made it seem. He would arm them back up before leaving out of Naruto's bedroom window. With a quick, sweeping glance around the impressively baby-supplied apartment, Sasuke found a little basket cradle. He gently set down Seishi's older brother inside of it and found a blanket to cover him with. Satisfied with his son's comfort, Sasuke quickly reset the booby traps on Naruto's front door.

His body froze just as he stepped away from the door, hearing a sound coming from the bedroom. His eldest son was far enough away that if Naruto attacked, no harm would come to him. Naruto would get angry and try and make Sasuke stay. He’d be embarrassed and angry, but pleased that Sasuke had come to him. Naruto would plead and beg for Sasuke to stay with him.

He moved his body, poised for an attack, ready for anything. Sasuke held his breath, waiting for the next sound to come. Minutes passed and nothing happened.

Sasuke realized he wanted Naruto to wake up and find him, and that he wanted Naruto to talk him out of what he was doing.

The thought startled him. He shook his head before relaxing his body and heading over to the fridge. A light blush covered his cheeks before he put several bottles of breast milk inside. He hoped that none of his teammates suspected that the reason he hadn’t come into Konoha was so that he had time to pump the breast milk into the bottle. He could deal with most all of the other humiliations that came with the fact that he was a man who had given birth, but the breast milk wasn't one of them. If it weren't for the fact that he knew it was one of the best head starts he could give his sons mentally, he wouldn't bother with it. He left katon tags on the bottles to heat them up to the right temperature, not sure if he trusted Naruto’s cooking skills outside of making ramen.

Sasuke took his time roaming over everything to make sure his son wouldn’t need any other items. It seemed that Karin had had a lot of fun going shopping. Sasuke's eyebrows rose when he saw the baby manual placed in plain sight on the kitchen table. He grabbed it and tucked it away in the basket with his son to make sure that Naruto saw that as soon as possible. With a last kiss to his son's forehead, Sasuke finally picked up the basket and walked him into Naruto's bedroom.

Naruto's face looked serene as he slept. Childhood memories of Naruto making stupid faces surfaced, but Sasuke hadn't seen Naruto make such a face at him in years. He looked much better without a forced, stupid grin.

Carefully, Sasuke placed their baby by the foot of Naruto's bed, out of danger of Naruto accidentally stepping on him in the morning.

He watched as Naruto turned restlessly in his sleep, his peaceful features scrunched up. Sasuke's eyes never left his face, willing Naruto to wake up. Willing Naruto to ask him what he was doing there. Willing for Naruto to come after him like the idiot always did. Instead, Naruto slept on.

Sasuke clenched his fist, angry that Naruto, always Naruto, could interfere so much in his life, yet seem so unaffected. His glare melted as he looked at the basket by the bed where he could hear the soft, deep breathing of his son who had fallen asleep in his new home. With one more glance between Naruto and their son, he hopped over the bed, landing deftly on the windowsill before sliding outside the window.

He sat in a nearby tree, watching as the sun came up while waiting for Naruto to wake. Sleeplessness ate away at his eyes. He was partially surprised that his team hadn't come back to look for him. Perhaps they knew how hard it was for him to leave his son. Even though he wanted to get back to them and Seishi, he needed to make sure everything was okay with leaving his other son behind.

After hours of waiting, Sasuke finally saw Naruto stir. The Konoha nin sat up and stretched, his eyes almost instantly zoning in at the baby by his bed. Even Sasuke couldn't hold back a smirk as he watched the disbelief and surprise pass over Naruto's face. Sasuke's feet were already poised to bound away as he heard the dulled exclamation through the window’s glass, "WHAT THE FUCK IS A BABY DOING IN MY ROOM?!"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Several weeks later...

"How's little Masashi doing today?" Kakashi asked, holding Masashi in his hands, smiling at him.

"He's doing good," Naruto beamed from where he hovered protectively by Kakashi's shoulders. Kakashi chuckled.

"I was asking him," Kakashi clarified.

"He can't talk," Naruto said in a "duh" kind of tone.

"I'm well aware of that. I didn't expect him to answer. Just chatting with him," Kakashi said.

"You do that all the time with him," Sakura pointed out to Naruto, bemused as she watched Kakashi holding Masashi and the way Naruto seemed ready to grab Masashi back already.

"What do you think?" Yamato called from Naruto's bedroom. Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi walked from the living room and down the hall to the small bedroom. Yamato had created a beautifully wood-crafted crib, and Sai had painted it white, pale and dark blue.

"Wow!" Naruto exclaimed. "Looks amazing!"

"Give the paint a bit more time to dry," Sai instructed as he opened the window, letting the room air out the paint fumes.

Since Masashi's arrival, his teammates had been by Naruto's place every day to help him out. They said it took a village to raise a child, and Naruto was grateful for the help.

"I told you two to wait until Naruto moved. We'll just have to carry the crib now too!" Sakura complained.

"Aww, Sakura. Don't be like that. It's awesome guys," Naruto beamed.

"You're moving?" Kakashi asked, passing off Masashi to Yamato. Yamato immediately began to make "funny" faces that resulted in Masashi crying. He quickly handed the baby boy back off to his father who glared at him.

"Don't scare him! And yeah, I'm moving. A bit cramped for us in here," Naruto said.

"Can you imagine what this little guy will be like when he's older? He’ll probably cause twice as much trouble as you used to," Kakashi smiled happily. Naruto blanched.

"Karma coming back to bite you in the butt for how you were when you were younger," Sakura snickered.

"Hey! I hope not. I didn't have anyone to punish me for doing stuff like that."

"Actually, I could picture you encouraging such behavior," Sai added thoughtfully.

The shinobi laughed at Naruto's squawk of indignation. They joked and prodded him about it. Even so, Naruto couldn’t find it in himself to think too much about Masashi’s future at the moment.

Naruto tried to pay attention to his friends, honestly, he did. However, there was something nagging him in the back of his mind as they joked around with him.

Three hours later, after everyone had left, Naruto sat on his bed as Masashi slept peacefully in his newly made crib. Naruto looked out the open window as twilight descended over Konoha. Outside seemed calm and peaceful.

His body jerked upward, his eyes wide as they captured the faintest hint of movement in the trees across from his apartment. Naruto jerked forward, placing his hands on the windowsill as his gaze searched through the trees.

There, in the trees, Sasuke stood looking at him. His dark eyes narrowed as Naruto gaped openly at him. Sasuke glanced over his shoulder and then back at Naruto before darting out of sight. Naruto took a look at Sasuke's fleeing form, and then back to the crib where Masashi slept, caught in a split second decision of what he should do.


Next Chapter: Words


Already have 600 words for the next chapter, yay! Hope you enjoyed chapter eight. ~ Jelp