A Caring brother

This is NOT Beta-read and English is not my native language so please bare with me. The two betas I have are mia and loa atm. I have the tendency to run long sentences here and there but please try not to mind that! I try my best when my muse hits me so please be gentle when it comes to grammar and sentence issues :p
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CHAPTER IIX
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The brothers ended up sitting on Gaara's bed with the tray between them. It wasn't too unusual that Gaara ate in bed since he didn't really sleep there anyway he usually had his meals there if he could chose where to eat, and who was daring enough to tell the kazekage he couldn't eat where he wanted to anyway?

They spoke about different things during a few hours, well… Kankuro did most of the talking but Gaara seemed to listen and gave his short comments here and there where he found it needed but it did feel peaceful and calm, nothing was strained between them despite the fact that Kankuro watched Gaara when he actually did eat two buns to the coffee they had made together while he himself only had one.

For the first time in a long time, they both fell silent and just watched the rest of their coffee in their cups and that's when Gaara asked a question he had been asked to by Temari earlier.

"…Kankuro… what is the difference between care and pity?"

"huh?"

"Temari asked me to ask you…"

"oh… umh… well…"

How on earth would he explain this in a good way so Gaara understood? He scratched the back of his head trying to come up with something good.

"umh… well, it's like… mh.. Pity is like, you care because you feel sorry for someone and wants to do something for them to make them feel better, a kind of 'pampering' but emotionally while Care you do out of your own heart because you care for that person and wants to make sure they feel well and feel safe as well as at peace."

Gaara looked at him and frowned somewhat, making Kankuro sigh a little before he started over again while he put his cold coffee down on the tray between them.

".. Imagine… a puppy.."

"A puppy?"

"yes… you know, a small dog, puppy."

Gaara arched a brow as Kankuro began to explain again.

"Imagine you see a small puppy on the street, right. And… it's all dirty and neglected and looks abandoned by everybody. Now… if your heart went out to that puppy and you felt pity for this little dog. You'd take care of it and pamper it as if wanting to make up to the rough time it's had before it met you…"

Gaara listened while focusing his seafoam colored eyes right into Kankuro's, making him somewhat distracted.

"eh… ahem… well, if you feel care for it. You take it home and treat it as any other dog but give it love and tend to its well being but don't overdo it to an extent of wanting to smolder it with treats, blankets, toys etcetera because if you did that, it would once again end up as pity."

"nh.."

Gaara looked down at the cold coffee still in his hand in the cup Kankuro had chosen from the cabinet in the kitchen.

"Then… you care… but Temari pities me…"

He mumbled before he took a drink of the cold coffee, causing Kankuro to choke a mine of disgust. Cold coffee wasn't something you really liked even though Gaara seemed to like it.

"Is that how you feel, Gaara?"

"nh?"

"That Temari pities you but I don't?"

"Yes"

"Why? … what's different about how we treat you?"

Gaara shifted a bit and frowned, seemingly to search for the answer while his cup went down to the tray as well. Kankuro took the chance to take the tray away and place it on the nightstand before moving back up on the bed, ending up a bit closer to his brother than he had before.

"nh… she seems to want me feel better by doing things for me all the time… give me things, make sure I eat and tries to make conversation with me when I'm not interested in having one… She tries too hard to show she's around to help…"

He mumbled, looking down at the maroon colored bedspread with small suna signs on in dark beige. Kankuro tilted his head and watched his brother while the young man yet again furrowed a non-existent eyebrow.
"But you… you let me have my space when I want it, you don't talk to me to make me talk about things I don't want to talk about and I know you're there if I need something without you telling me so."

Kankuro just stared at his brother for a moment while he fought his jaw to not drop to the bed and shatter in little pieces of shock. Had Gaara just told him… he, he liked his attention better than Temari's? Was there a compliment in there? He blinked.

"ah… eh, well yes. Of course I'm here if you need me, Gaara. That's something you should never even doubt, not even for a split second."

Gaara looked into Kankuro's eyes for a moment and Kankuro couldn't really read the look he got from his baby brother.

"Did you mean what you said two nights ago, onii-san?"

"Yes… every single bit of it, otouto."

"Then…wh-"

Gaara looked away and swallowed before closing his eyes for a moment, pulling his knees up towards his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and lowered his head somewhat while looking to his right,, away from his brother. Kankuro frowned and watched the change in his brother. He had seemed so at peace today when he came out and asked for coffee, now he looked troubled and pained.

"Then?"

"Then… why do you deny me what you know I…nh…"

"Need?"

Gaara looked away even further and looked at a small pad on the floor that seemed to have fallen from one of his pockets of the black suna shirt hanging by the wardrobe. He didn't reply to Kankuro's question of 'need'. Sabaku no Gaara didn't need anything and he had been out of it two days ago when he said he did. Gaara didn't need, Gaara was strong and independent, Gaara was the kazekage.

"Gaara…Otouto, hey…"

The redhead closed his eyes and leaned his left cheek on his knees as he heard Kankuro move closer. His name had been spoken so softly. Arms wrapped around the redhead and he was tilted towards his brother's warm strong body, forehead to shoulder.

Kankuro knew he took a great risk just by touching his brother without his consent but he still wanted to make a try and see if he'd let him. A soft whimpering sigh was heard before Gaara slowly unwrapped his arms from his legs and wrapped them around his brother instead.

"I shouldn't, Gaara… we're brothers…"

"I don't care about the damned society and its fucking rules!... since when was [i]I[/i] a part of society anyway!"

Kankuro was a bit startled, he hadn't prepared for Gaara's outburst against his shoulder but moments after it was growled out, he instantly felt his brother tremble as he grasped Kankuro's black suna shirt by his chest with his left hand and his back with the right. They once again sat hip against hip on Gaara's bed just like they had done the first time Gaara had broken down while dreaming and here they were again, his baby brother once again crying by the way his body shook and trembled.

"ssh ssh… there now. I'm here for you because I am your brother and because I care. I won't leave, ever."

Soft sobs were heard and muffled by Kankuro's shirt while he ran his right hand over the back of Gaara's head, the left once again making soft circles over Gaara's back while soothing him the best he could.

"Kankuro… please… take the pain away…"

The words were so soft, yet so full of pain and the eyes that looked up at him broke his heart all together, so pleading, so broken and lost. Red, puffy and dark rimmed as they were, it didn't take long for more tears to fall even though Gaara was fighting to control his hitched inhales.

Kankuro looked at him with a concerned look right into his eyes and felt something give away inside just before he closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed. ' I'm crazy' he thought before he leaned down and caught Gaara's lips with his own, causing Gaara to hitch a breath through his nose while meeting his brother's kiss on his pale lips.

Soft moving hands made their way to Gaara's cheeks, cupping them gently while they kissed, filling the redhead with something he didn't know how to lable. Kankuro partly opened his mouth and traced his tongue over Gaara's lower lip and the unconscious reaction was that Gaara immediately opened his, allowing access to the tongue that gently teased his own.

It didn't take too long until the redhead figured out what to do with the visiting tongue while Kankuro guided him through the deepening kiss. His heart had begun to beat faster and the hands that gripped his older brother's shirt tightened their grip more, wanting more…needing more!

Gaara tasted so much better than he'd thought if you didn't mind the coffee taste but it was what was behind that taste that was special, Gaara's own personal taste. It was a mix between honey and spices while he himself smelled like sand and sun kissed skin and a bit of sandalwood. Kankuro shivered by the swirling touches of his baby brother's tongue against his own and fanned out a warm breath over Gaara's cheek.

Kankuro suddenly felt his body start to react to the kiss and realizing he was slowly awakening in his lower parts. He slowly broke the kiss before it would become too obvious that he really did have an erection but thankfully the black shirt he had on was rather long and covered his private parts with an extra layer of clothing over his pants.

"Gaara…"

His brother made a soft whimper of the lack of contact but soon opened his eyes to look at Kankuro, questioning why he broke the kiss he longed for so badly. Gaara's body was lightly trembling and his body had reacted in a way he had never experienced before but by the way he was sitting with his knees pulled up, it didn't show.

"Gaara… we shouldn't do this… it's not right…"

"I decide what's right or wrong…"

"Otouto.. please, it doesn't work that way… not in these cases…"

"Leave…"

"Gaara..?"

"Leave."

The seafoam colored eyes looked away again, the hurt look on his brother's face was almost unbearable but Kankuro did as asked and rose from the bed but not without placing a warm hand on Gaara's left shoulder as if telling him he'd still be there when he needed him.

With a heavy sigh he took the tray from the nightstand but left the buns on the plate and walked out, glancing over to Gaara just as he crawled up in fetal position with his back to the door.

Kankuro closed the door and remained on the other side of it for a while, leaning at it while fighting a mental war against himself as well as his sporting erection. He needed a shower so he could take his time to jack off. The thought of Gaara's kiss only made him stir even more in his pants and was now more than semi hard as he walked to the kitchen to leave the tray, then directly to the shower.