Between Life and Living

 

Between Life and Living

Chapter Eight: Your Weight in Tears

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A few more days had gone by since Sakura's incredible, yet frightening display of new strength. The nurses, unable to figure out what to do about the several massive holes in the walls, had called in for repair and the damage had been fixed efficiently. It was still noticeable enough for Sakura to stare at it for several hours when she couldn't find anything else to do, still having yet to be released from recovery. Perhaps, there had even been the slightest chance that she was coming close to being dismissed, but surely that was all out the window by now, thanks to her…outburst.

Outburst…was that what it was? Sakura had been sure she was long past feeling enough to take out any sort of emotion on anyone besides herself. Everyone, up until this point, had done everything they could to let her have time to herself, and frankly that was all she thought she needed. The last time she'd even seen one of her friends, was when she had punched Konoha's Blue Beast, Rock Lee straight through a family's home and wound up healing his injury as a result. To make it worse, despite what she had done the taijutsu specialist had accepted her pitiful apology and the girl had made haste to her home without another word. It was from then on, that Sakura had started living in seclusion. No one bothered her; and she was grateful.

Sakura had only begun to realize just how much of her friends' lives she had missed. Through casual conversation of the nurses, she learned that just last year, her best friend Ino had finally married her laziest team mate, Shikamaru Nara. When had their relationship started? Had it been so all along? Have I really been that oblivious? the pinkette slumped forward and hugged her pillow.

Her thoughts swam back to her most recent visitor, who Kakashi so casually named to be his partner. Sai, his name was. From what Sakura had collected during his…visit, this Sai was a pretty strange character. With someone so absurdly obnoxious, she had to wonder just how her former sensei had managed to put up with him for whatever amount of time. When did they meet? How long had they known each other? Obviously, this meant that Sai was some sort of shinobi, and by the look of his features, he couldn't have been any older than she was. Sakura couldn't recall him being a part of any of the rookie teams around three years ago. So that has to mean…

An abrupt, but soft knock on the door interrupted Sakura's impending conclusion.

She looked up just in time to see the man that had been troubling her thoughts. In he walked, orange book of smut in one hand and a small basket of confections in another. He greeted her with his usual eye crinkle that implied he was smiling and grabbed the chair that stood off in the corner of the room. Just a couple steps behind him, was a blonde woman; Sakura recognized her immediately.

"Sh-Shishou?"

Tsunade's eyes warily fell on the pink-haired young woman sitting up in the hospital bed. For a fleeting second, a smile passed her lips but it was gone when she remembered what she was here for. Sakura had been kept in the dark for the past few days about her condition, but after looking over her recent medical annotations and concluding that she was ready for release, it was time to fill in the details that had been withheld from her up until now.

While Kakashi made himself comfortable in his chair near Sakura's bedside, the Godaime settled herself down on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on her student's knee. The two exchanged unreadable expressions, each appearing as though they were asking questions and looking for answers; all in the same, elongated gaze. Sakura was the first to look away, her eyes becoming downcast and focused on the white linen blanketed over her legs. Tsunade apprehended the girl's slight disquietude, and removed her hand from her knee, into her own lap. She closed her amber eyes, feeling the ware and tire behind them from her long recent nights of research and examination.

"Sakura…" she began.

"We are releasing you from the hospital today—"green eyes widened at the revelation, but the woman pressed on. "However…there are some things we need to discuss…"

Things? Well, that couldn't be good…

Sakura shifted herself more so to the side so that she could face her visitors, preparing herself for whatever was about to be explained. Her eyes found Kakashi's, though it appeared as though he were trying his hardest not to return her gaze. What was that about? The tone in that accompanied Tsunade's next sentence answered her exactly.

"Sakura, as I'm sure you've noticed, you've undergone some alterations, both mentally and physically. That is because of the seal that I have placed on you," as she said this, Sakura lifted her fingers to touch the purple diamond on the center of her forehead. She hadn't thought about it, but it was probable that the special seal had something to do with her enhanced strength, or had even acted as an addition to the neglected use of her chakra.

For whatever reason, at that moment Kakashi decided it was a good idea to excuse himself and so he did. Her eyes followed him all the way to the door and only looked away after she watched it close. Tsunade scooted her chair more so in front of the bed so that she was now all Sakura could see. Her golden eyes narrowed, willing the girl back to attention. Sakura recognized the look of worry that now replaced the formality behind them and she dropped her gaze and looked away.

"Sakura…"

"Shishou…?"

The blonde sighed shortly and placed a hand on the pinkette's shoulder. "I know you've been through a lot, Sakura. Maybe I haven't done enough to help you back to where you need to be," she admitted.

All of these years she had been sure she'd taught her student everything she thought she would need to know and carry out with her the rest of her life, but just like herself she'd forgotten the fact that Sakura was simply a person; she needed to have both a strong interior as well as an exterior. One could only hold themselves together so well on the outside, until their insides began caving in.

"The seal that I have placed on you will easily heal any injuries you might obtain and regenerate the amount of blood you've lost over the next few days. Your chakra will be a little out of whack but it will settle down and things will fix themselves according to the way your body sees fit. Just try to control yourself and be careful where you swing your fists and you should be fine," Tsunade explained. She didn't think she needed to explain what other things the seal was capable of doing at the moment; those things would be resolved and figured out in due time.

"I won't ask you what you meant to do to yourself that night; you and I both know what your intentions were. But Sakura—" the woman's hand slid away gently from Sakura's shoulder and rested itself on the edge of the bed. The pinkette lifted her head to glance into Tsunade's eyes and found herself unable to look away.

"You need to remember yourself. Remember who you are and what your comrades would have wanted for you. Do you really believe that Naruto and Sasuke would have sacrificed themselves for you, if they only intended for you to carry out the rest of your life full of regret and misery?"

"Shishou—"

"Listen to me…"

Sakura's fingers gripped the hem of the sheets and she drew her legs in and wrapped her arms around them. Tears stung at her eyes, threatening to spill and betray and abandon her in vulnerability long after she could find no more to cry.

This isn't the place she told herself, pressing her cheek against her knee, already feeling the fabric becoming warm and wet. This isn't the right place to do this—

The tears were left to flow freely as Sakura was suddenly pulled into a pair of arms and pressed into the bosom of her sensei. She blushed at first, feeling the woman's large chest beneath the side of her face, but when she realized she wasn't going to be released anytime soon, she closed her eyes; a small hiccup, and then a long-suppressed cry.

Neither of them knew how long they sat there in the small, empty room. Was it minutes? Hours? No words were exchanged; simply the disconsolate trade of mutual emotion. Sakura couldn't remember the last time she had cried like this. It had been so long since, maybe even that time…

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Flashback

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"Naruto! Please let me go with you," a hand gripped tightly to the orange sleeve of a jacket. Wide cerulean eyes turned and looked into the face of another that held them with a pleading look. She was desperate and determined, just as he. She was strong and he knew she could hold her own. He couldn't recall how many times this barbaric, yet beautiful young woman had knocked him right on his ass or sent him flying across the streets of their village, all at the will of her blundering fists. He knew she was strong; and he knew she could fight.

But there was no way he was letting her come along with him to do this.

Naruto ran a hand through his rain-soaked hair and put on the best smile he could muster for his pink-haired team mate. Her desperate countenance failed to falter, as he'd hoped she would cave in and relent in her plea for him to take her along.

"Just let me go. Aren't we together in this?"

There was a good chance that Naruto Uzumaki wasn't going to return from the mission he was about to set out on. From what he had heard, his former best friend and comrade had grown considerably strong within the last seven months since he had betrayed his native home. The reason had not been clear to him until the pinkette had confided in him about Sasuke's behavior the last time they were all together; something he had been oblivious of.

And then, there was the recent rumor that Sasuke had killed the infamous Uchiha Itachi less than two weeks ago and formed an alliance with the supposed former leader of the now extinct Akatsuki.

Madara Uchiha.

Neither of them wanted to believe the gossip, but somewhere deep down within themselves, they had to admit that it was all likely to be true. Sasuke had killed his Sannin master, for better or worse, and had taken his revenge all in the same cut, but as his former sensei had forewarned, the path that he had made for himself had only corrupted and altered his former personal goals; only power was what he was after now. And with the last surviving member of his clan and the most almighty, not to mention, offering an allegiance to the misplaced Uchiha, it almost made sense for Sasuke to have accepted.

Something within Naruto's heart argued silently with whether or not it was wrong that he could blame the raven for leaving at first. Ten years since his self-promise of revenge, and he still lacked the strength and ability to kill the man that had destroyed his life and scarred him forever.

All this time, Sasuke had quietly settled for the even amount of strength both himself and his team mates had acquired over three years time, while seemingly enjoying the life that they tried their hardest to make feel pleasant for him. Now, as he stood there in the rain recalling all the times that Sasuke had forced his eventual smiles and spent their various off-days doing nothing and everything, he wondered if it was all simply a waste of valuable time in the Uchiha's eyes.

'No…' Naruto shook his head and turned his eyes away from Sakura's. 'Those were times were we all had fun. Weren't they?'

The soft splash of Sakura's feet sloshing through the puddles of water pulled the blonde out of his reminiscent thoughts. Her arms wrapped around him and pulled him into an inescapable embrace. One that said she wasn't going to allow him to leave at all unless he took her with him.

The young man slipped an arm around the pinkette's waist and pressed her into his chest. She fit there much too easily; a thought he found more comforting than odd and that wasn't helping his resolve. Carefully, he lifted his hands to her shoulders and drew her away from him with a soft, reluctant sigh that fell from his lips and clouded in the chilled air, half upset to see her eyes so full of anguish, and half regretful that the warmth of her body had left him cold and shivering in its abandonment.

Her flat green orbs pinned on him the moment he released her and her hands reached to reclaim his hold again, but Naruto deflected her feeble assault and turned away.

"Don't follow me," was all he said, as lifted his bag to his shoulder and began to walk away.

He was doing this for her. For him as well, but he knew that it would be those same tears now soaked on his shirt among the raindrops dotting the rest of his clothes, that he would see should he return empty handed. Seven months had been enough time for him to do some additional training in preparation for this once in a life time promise.

He was confident when he had quietly snuck out of his house, leaving a note on the end of his dresser and an unconscious pink kunoichi in his bed fast asleep to commence the operation he had cleared with both the Hokage and his sensei. He was given permission to go alone, and that was just what he wanted. Everything had gone smoothly and according to plan, and he'd nearly reached the village gates when he'd been happened upon by the last person he'd meant to encounter on his way out.

The thoughts that now whirled around in Naruto's head as he walked under the green gates that plopped heavy raindrops on his head were weary ones. Shaken just a bit by the last glimpse of his pink-headed lover and second-closest friend, he straightened himself up and willed himself not to look back as he walked out of the village and disappeared down the path that crossed the border.

The pinkette's fingers gripped the rain-darkened hem of her crimson colored skirt, and when the blonde was finally out of sight, she lifted her head to the sky. The bruise-colored clouds seemed to have darkened since the time she had wasted stalling her lover with her counterproductive pleas.

The rain came down in sheets now, showering from the sky and cleansing the tangible sadness on her tear-stained face. Her eyes stared up unblinkingly, flat, dull green orbs welling and spilling repeatedly with the unrelenting process of tears flowing freely. It was only after the sky had begun to clear and she saw the first streak of sunshine tearing through the clouds, that she abandoned her place in the street and retreated to Naruto's house, where both had found mutual comfort for the past few weeks.

It was one of the first times, but not to be the last, that Sakura questioned the reason why light could exist around someone, when their world was so shrouded in darkness.

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End Flashback

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Sakura opened her eyes when she felt a pair of hands lifting her away by the shoulders. She blinked a few times when she found Tsunade holding her there, having momentarily forgotten where she was or what she was doing. The memories she had previously been dwelling upon gradually dissolved as the pinkette took in the present and dried the remaining tears from her face. The Hokage smoothed her student's long hair and brushed it behind her ear with gently with red-nailed fingers.

"Your physical condition is stable enough, so I am allowing you to leave the hospital today," Tsunade said, and stood up from her chair. She readjusted her green robes and smoothed out her blonde twin tails before walking to the door. When she saw the look of near-relief on Sakura's face, she frowned and turned away to press her back against the door. Sakura swung her legs over the bed and stood up, half-excited and half-alarmed at the swift contrast in her sensei's demeanor while ignoring the troublesome lengths of hair that cascaded off the edge behind her.

Tsunade crossed her arms over herself and regarded her for a long minute as if she were suddenly changing her mind about something. The pinkette's heart slowly began to sink at the idea that she might have done something without realizing to cause this.

"However…" the blonde lifted a finger to her lips and tapped them in consideration. "Instead of returning to your own home, I have a better place for you to stay for the time being. Once you check out of the hospital, Kakashi will meet you here and escort you to my office. You will meet your new house mate there," she mused and turned her back on the girl so that Sakura was unable to see the artful smile that crept onto her lips.

After the woman gone and the door had swung shut, the roseate groaned and fell back onto the bed. The heaviness she had been either been unaware of, or had become so accustomed to, seemed to have mysteriously vanished and she felt vaguely empty inside as though something had been removed. Perhaps it had been that she had just cried what had felt like her weight in tears, or the alleviating revelation that she was finally being released from this hell hole, though not to return to the comfort of her home.

The knowledge that she was going to be living with someone other than herself until further notice should have bothered her more than it currently was, but the barren feeling combined with the silence and something else unidentifiable had become enough to lull her to sleep. Sakura shifted herself onto her side, facing away from the only entrance to the room and closed her eyes. She fell into slumber that for once did not admonish her with worry.

But, by no means was it meant to last.

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