The Scheme

Sorry about the other chapter. Usually, I’m drunk as I write then become sober as I do my editing process……well not THAT sober. I’m on break from school so sue me. During the last chapter, I became more drunk as I finished writing the chapter which did wonders for my writing and editing as you can tell. Sorry that I did not put the commas in the right places, did not input the correct endings in conjunction with the plural/singular tenses, and so on. The mistakes were minor, and I’ll go back and fix it…… when I’m not drunk. Does anyone wanna do it for me? And why do you think I write so many god damn drunk scenes…….

Go figure that writing fanfiction is my guilty pleasure. I don’t do much fanfiction writing when I’m sober because I usually have to write boring documents with regimented sentence structure and such. Please, just shoot me. I hate my job.

The Scheme – chapter 9

Disclaimer: The usual

Sakura woke up with her head pounding as if Inner Sakura went on a sadistic rampage by steadily slamming a steal hammer against her temples. The sunlight that filtered in through the blinds invaded her eyes directly causing her to squirm and move her body that hollered to remain in place. She then began to notice the incessant high pitch chirping of the birds which resonated in her head and bounced around in the overly large space. Gawd! Sakura grudgingly greeted the day – the damn cheery sun, the stupid hyper birds, and morning itself – with a prominent middle finger.

She rose slowly when a scent of coffee wafted under her nose. Her ninja senses tingled, and she reacted by rushing to her closed bedroom door as quickly as possible with a kunai in her hand. It was not for another five seconds before the infamous brain she owned caught up with her paranoia. Understandably, even geniuses could experience slow days.

No potentially sane enemy would undo the many traps hidden under her door just to make her coffee and alert his presence. Granted villains like Itachi and Orochimaru, who enjoyed exchanging their renditions of a pleasant conversation before ruthlessly going in for the kill, existed, but one had to keep in mind that sanity was not their strong suit ….. or a word in their vocabulary. Her brain attempted to compensate for its lethargic slow start by conceiving of this imaginary enemy lurking in her apartment wanting to initiate brilliant mental games of “who wants coffee” to cover his true murderous purpose. Sakura crept as quietly as she could into her living room and heard a loud racket in the kitchen that definitely subtracted from her earlier appraisal of her enemy’s skill level.

“Yo.”

Taking a deep breath of relief, Sakura lowered her guard when she spotted her gray haired sensei with a spatula in hand.

“What are you doing here Kakashi-sensei?”

He curved his visible eye into a crescent moon shape, and Sakura could see the outlines of a grin under his mask. He waved the spatula in the air. “Breakfast,” he replied vaguely.

Not wanting to engage in another tedious round of “let’s figure out what lies underneath the underneath behind Kakashi-sensei’s nebulous words and absentminded behaviors,” Sakura opted to find her hangover cure, swallow a gallon of coffee, and then throttle her sensei for his exasperating personality.

When she headed to her bathroom to find the aforementioned blessed concoction in her medicine cabinet, she heard her infuriating sensei say, “Don’t bother Sakura. There’s no more.”

“What do you mean there’s no more?” Sakura threatened in a menacing voice.

“Your hangover potion,” he shrugged but continued seeing Sakura’s eyes narrow into dangerous slits. “I gave it all to Asuma to give it to Shikamaru. It’s his first day in Anbu training.”

Sakura re-ordered her priorities this morning with throttling her sensei at the top of the list. “I needed that!’

“Here,” he said putting a glass filled with some green brown goo on her table.

“That doesn’t look edible. What is it?”

“To help you with your hangover.” When Sakura made a face after smelling the putrid science experiment gone wrong, Kakashi added, “Be smart about it. It works.”

“Fine.” She hated how Kakashi-sensei could effectively manipulate her to do what she set out not to accomplish. Devious man as he was, she was glad he provided her with a role model.

Immediately her head began to clear, and Sakura washed the taste of the poison with a large cup of coffee. “So what in the world happened last night?” she moaned.

Kakashi placed two dishes of pancakes and sat down across from her. “You became unconscious.”

“I can see that. What I mean is how did I become that way?” Sakura rolled her eyes.

“I carried you back from the hospital.”

“Please explain.” ‘Killing one’s sensei is a bad thing. Killing one’s sensei is not a Sakura thing to do. Killing……’ Sakura chanted this mantra in her head.

“You were the lightest of the three.”

Taking a deep breath, Sakura tried again to get through the thick skull of the man. “What happened that put me in the hospital?”

“Hmmm? Oh, Choji sat on you.” Kakashi smile broadened as he magically ate his meal without lifting off his mask. The food virtually disappeared as it neared his mouth.

While biting harshly on the pancakes she began to shove in her mouth to occupy her hands so as not to wrap them around her sensei’s neck, she managed to speak in between mouthfuls, “And why did Choji sit on me?”

“Because Sai’s tigers were chasing him.”

AARRGHHH! Sakura wanted to pull out her hair in aggravation. “Can’t you just explain what caused the entire fiasco that led Choji to sit on me and Sai’s tigers to chase him?” shrilled an enraged Sakura enunciating every word in hopes that her ambiguous sensei give a direct answer for once.

“TenTen threw her weapons at Sai,” he answered vaguely as he beamed at his adorable student who was ready to erupt.

“I give up! It’s way too early in the morning for this!” cried Sakura raising her hands in surrender. No wonder Gai-san transformed into the psychotic beautiful beast or another after dealing with this crap for years. Those two completely deserved each other.

“A ninja should always hide her emotions,” he instructed in his most serious ninja voice, although his smile remained and his eye curled in amusement.

“Not with you!” she claimed as she pointed a finger at him. “I can’t deal with this right now!” Sakura stood up to leave her maddening sensei before she fisted a hole in her apartment.

“That’s good because the Hokage ordered me to instruct you to go to the Hokage tower immediately.”

‘Killing one’s sensei will be bad for the village. Killing one’s sensei is a crime…..’ The mantra continually recited, becoming louder and more pervasive after each time her sensei opened his mouth.

An irritated Sakura was about to leave her apartment when Kakashi called out.

“And Sakura, don’t drink with anyone else but Neji and Shino.”

Her brain urged for her not to demand an explanation. It would inevitably end up badly, but she didn’t listen to reason, she never did when curiosity struck. “Why?”

“Because you tend to be quite vocal. Now I have to find out what pictures Ino has of Genma,” he said lightly.

“AAAHHHHH!!!” screamed Sakura as she slammed the door after she left.

Kakashi chuckled to himself and thought he had such cute entertaining students. Then he enthusiastically opened his prized possession to its earmarked page.

When Sakura arrived in the waiting room to the Hokage’s office, she met the gang except for Shikamaru and Neji who reported to the Anbu training grounds earlier that morning. Everyone appeared a little beaten and bruised, and from what everyone submitted as their conscious portion of the night’s occurrence, Sakura formed a complete picture. Apparently, Shino was the culprit to start the domino effect of destruction. A couple of his bugs swarmed on Sasuke causing him to miss his intended target with his kunai that ended up grazing Akamaru instead. Kiba became infuriated and pounced on Sasuke in a drunken rage. Lee, thinking the challenge finally came to him, met Kiba in mid air to start a bout of fighting. TenTen’s close proximity to Lee and her heightened alert brought about by alcohol led her to defend herself with her air-born arsenal of ninja weaponry. Her drunken condition did nothing for her aim so Sai foolishly attempted to protect himself by unleashing a dozen illustrative tigers. A couple tigers happened to head toward Choji’s direction so he blew himself into a balloon and crushed whatever fell in his path. Unfortunately, many ninjas were victims of Choji’s chaotic rolling including Sakura who fell on Neji as he was about to strike Naruto. Instead, Shikamaru became Neji’s accidental victim. The lazy bum could not access his charka after several tries, so he lifted a table to block both the ninja weapons and the tigers and hit Ino in the process. The temperamental Ino, in a fit of drunken wrath, violently threw a chair at Shikamaru, but the chair bounced off the table acting as his shield and onto Naruto’s head. Naruto then knocked into Hinata, and both fell onto the floor.

Sheesh! What a mouthful.

The true account of yesterday’s liquor filled night would have been hilarious and told to future generations to come. However, the Hokage herself did not find anything amusing about it.

“DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY, COUNTLESS INJURIES TO NINJAS, MORE IMPORTANTLY, INJURIES SUSTAINED BY CIVILIANS, NUISANCE, VANDALISM, SUBORDINATION. Those are only a small number of offenses listed against each and everyone one of you. You represent the most elite ninja institution of our country, and now your little scene threatens our reputation with the other villages, countries and our clients!”

The Hokage stood in front of eleven high class jounins (since Sasuke-kun should count as one) and one ninja dog and treated them as if they were lowly academy students. Their heads were all lowered in shame, and no one moved an inch from their groveling positions.

Tsunade-sama paced back and forth throughout her thirty minute reprimand. With a deep sigh, she sat down on her chair and ordered everyone to look at her. “I can not very well take away your status because you are all very talented and essential to the prosperity of our organization.”

Naruto broke first by grinning excitedly.

“However, all your pays will be docked accordingly to pay the bar owner and the other civilians for the damages you caused.”

Naruto’s smile froze, and others gasped.

“It may take years but be glad that I didn’t jail you all. Now get out of here before I’m tempted to damage you myself!”

As everyone began to filter out to the hallway, Sakura loudly called out, “Sai-kun,” as she rushed to his side. Those in the group ignored them because they happened to be a well known couple except for an annoyed Naruto who vigorously pushed an incensed Sasuke to the closest stairwell.

Sai halted in his tracks and waited for her while wearing his customary blank smile. Sakura dramatically jumped into his arms and affectionately cuddled against his side as she was prone to do whenever they were in public and particularly at this very spot at regimented time periods.

Welcome ladies and effeminate gentlemen to the next chapter of – although a bit earlier than usual – the “Sai hearts Sakura” melodrama where a handsome shinobi, a victim of a corrupt organization, dared to expose his guarded and newly discovered heart to a beautiful heart broken kunoichi, unlucky in love in the past, rejected by a cold frigid traitorous man resembling this devoted passionate man. How exciting! The expected audiences which included most of the females in the building especially the civilians and some emotional males waited to see what would be revealed in today’s episode with baited breath.

When Sakura’s and Sai’s first attracted attention, they thought it bothersome. But with Sai’s mysterious past and handsome face and Sakura’s reputation as the village sweetheart and past obsession with an infamous man who looked similar, they were bound to receive curious stares. So, the real more devious Sakura – her inner self – convinced Sai to meddle with the minds of these lovelorn people in serious need of a life. Now with two weeks into their “torrid and passion filled romance,” these two took dramatization to a new level after many modifications. Sakura certainly enjoyed the deception, and it helped her plan immensely to keep her relationship in the spotlight. Sai recently started to act out his role, but his true objective left Sakura to wonder for a second or two. She just figured it was due to his sadistic personality.

“Oh Sai-kun, I hope you weren’t injured from yesterday,” she whimpered as she seemingly caressed the bruises marring his face gently -- although she really rubbed his skin harshly. Her true words really meant, “I wish I injured you myself yesterday and woke up this morning remembering it.”

“It’s okay as long as I had the chance to protect you,” he replied as he encircled his arms around her waist tightly, almost brutally from her point of view. From her ribs loudly protesting, Sakura understood he really wanted to say, “You planned it all, ugly. At least I was there to see you become trampled by fat ass.”

The observers sighed, and some squealed. Some jotted down notes to pass unto their respective others, usually emotionally wary shinobis, who possessed no romantic bone in their macho bodies. If they only knew the truth…..

“Let me look at you in private. In my office,” Sakura offered as she shyly lowered her head coyly. Inner Sakura yelled, ‘Oh yeah! So I can put more bruises on you idiot!’

“You can take me anywhere, at anytime. Because.” He then tilted his head down and gingerly placed a kiss on her forehead.

Sakura quivered from the momentary connection. It was strange as if a small zap of electricity flowed through his lips. She was probably preoccupied because she almost missed his whispering, albeit the squealing heard from around the room probably attributed to her inattention more so.

“Your less than tolerable face is threat enough,” he murmured.

Her joyous smile masked the manic sneer, and Sakura squeezed his wrist with a ton of force surely to leave some bruises. “Oh Sai-kun. You are so sweet. Now let’s go.” She dragged him away from the disappointed fans taking delight in the fear that loomed in his eyes.

Once in her office, Sai settled in his usual chair in front of her desk.

“So what now? Are you going to break my bones? Sic some more of your insane friends on me?”

“Shut it. It sounds like a good idea. Actually, it sounds like a marvelous idea. It’s great that I’m a medic because I can hurt you then heal you without leaving any physical evidence,” grinned Sakura allowing her violent inner self to shine through.

“Your insane friends caused enough injuries, ugly.”

“You liked them. Don’t deny it. Besides, I think Kiba took a really shining to you if you get what I mean. First Lee-san and now Kiba. You are such a dog,” she chuckled at her double entendre.

He shifted uncomfortably.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” Sakura asked curiously while inner Sakura accused, ‘He’s gay I tell you, completely off the rocker gay with the most horrendous taste!’

Sai merely presented his cheerful façade, but Sakura began to observe and study him quite intensively over the past few weeks to understand the workings of his mind.

“Oh my god! It’s true!” Sakura could not understand why, but she was slightly horrified. She failed to acknowledge that two weeks would not be enough time to successfully decipher this man.

“No I’m not. Kiba and I agreed to do some training together. He would supply me with a buffer against fuzzy brows when you’re occupied,” he shuddered noticeably according to her Sai-sensitive eyes although he appeared placid and unconcerned. “Fuzzy brows disturbs me more than you.” Baby steps to emotions, baby steps.

“Oh. That’s good.” Sakura was grateful that Sai began to allow others to associate with him on social terms. Contrary to her actions, she did want him to befriend others especially her friends for his own benefit – and maybe hers. “I have a lot to do today, so I’ll see you tonight?”

“Again?”

“Sure. It’s not like you have better things to do.”

He sat and contemplated for a few minutes. Definitely, Sakura needed to become a better student in comprehending the different facets of his blank smiles. Not all were similar.

When he failed to reach a conclusion after a short time, Sakura added, “I’ll make dinner.”

“Alright.” He glanced at her one more time before disappearing and leaving his trail of paper pieces.

“Men and food,” muttered Sakura. She went about to start her day, and she noted to herself to kill the man for littering in her office AGAIN with his gay confetti.

Later in the afternoon, she returned to her office to change her shirt to something akin to what the Hokage and Shizune-sama wore when she found a small dumbstruck ninja frog in the middle of the room. His yellow skin, blue ridges, and idiotic expression clued her in that she recognized him from somewhere. Usually, Naruto dealt with an orange pint sized version who argued with him constantly, but this one looked too obtuse to be the same one.

“Uh, what are you doing here?”

The frog with the dazed eyes blinked once, twice, and thrice before he opened his mouth. “Hi.”

Great, now she had this clueless frog that was probably lost. She could drop kick him out her window, but he was a ninja frog, and sure hell she didn’t want his gigantic father to chase after her. Even if she had access to her own summoning powers courtesy of her sensei, that stupid slug was just too slow.

“Are you lost?” she inquired.

He smiled and scanned the room. He blinked again. “No.”

“Can I help you?” her tone getting annoyed. She didn’t have time for this idiot of a reptile, she had to meet Sasuke-kun.

“You have pink hair.”

Drop kicking a good idea or bad idea? Inner Sakura stood on the yea side, but outer Sakura ignored her. “Yes I do,” she gritted.

He hopped around with a big grin on his chubby face.

“Can you get to the point?” This frog was definitely on a high from some hallucinogenic drug.

“Oh yes!” His webbed fingers dug into his vest and pulled out a little note. “I was told to give you this.”

Finally! She hastily seized the note from him, and shooed him away with her hand. The dense reptile sat there just gazing at her.

“You can leave now.”

“Oh, okay. It was nice to have met you again.” He then vanished in a poof of smoke.

“Stupid frogs,” she grumbled as she opened the folded piece of paper.

Sakura-chan,

Meet me in four days time near the spring. Wear something pretty.

Waiting with eager anticipation,
The Great Jiraiya-sama.

Excellent!

She hurried to the training grounds to find a surly Sasuke-kun leaning against a tree with his arms crossed his chest.

“You’re late.”

“Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t get out of the office sooner.” Sakura explained. She reminded herself to reprimand the ero-sennin for allowing a half-wit animal to be his messenger. “Also I’m sorry for canceling yesterday. Emergency surgery and all.”

Sasuke-kun glared, then posed into his fighting stance. When he wanted to battle, translation was not required.

“Wait. I want to propose something to you.”

Sasuke “hn-ed” number two.

Sakura pulled a scroll and ink from her pouch. “Just something to make this fight more interesting.” She began to write the terms on the paper. “It’s just that if you win, you can request me to do anything you want, but if I win, I get to ask two favors from you seeing how slanted the odds are.”

He scoffed at her suggestion. As expected, he probably thought the bet ridiculous because in his mind, Sakura could never beat him even if she gained an admirable skill level. The only competitions he considered to rival his powers are those he entered into his very short list with Itachi at the very top. She assumed he checked to see if anyone he encountered was on the list. In short, it was name, check, ignore.

“It’s a win-win situation, so just play with me on it.”

“Ah.” From the looks of things, it appeared that he became more irritated. One thing for sure was that this aggressive shinobi hated to wait to show off his super-duper monstrous skill which represented the mission of his life.

“Okay, and since we’re training for your jounin exam, I say that we only engage in close hand to hand combat. So it’s no genjutsu, limited ninjutsu, and weapons used only for close combat,” she said sweetly as she mentally pumped herself for the oncoming fight.

He nodded in his own exasperated way and posed again.

Inner Sakura rubbed her hands together, ‘He doesn’t know what’s coming,’ which outer Sakura agreed.

The pink haired nin immediately pursued the shinobi with chakra infused strength flowing through her fist. He blocked her at her elbow knowing the foolishness of nearing anywhere around her hand. She punched with the other arm, as he ducked while pulling out a kunai. She flipped backwards to land on her feet to find him in the air ready to strike with his feet at lighting speed.

Shit, she knew she had to be quick about this. She just needed one good punch for him to activate his Sharigan. Then she must get him to the right position for her to end it all. It was more difficult in practice than on paper. Even with limited ninjutsu, his speed was unmatched.

They went back and forth, and Sakura’s limited chakra supply began to dwindle. She was gasping for breath due to the speed of his attack and the quickness of his reflexes. She could not even touch him with her strength or chakra debilitating attacks.

“You can’t win against me Sakura,” he commented boastfully. He was not even winded for Christ sake!

Utilizing a special move she worked on for sometime, she decided to go for it even though it constituted as cheating slightly. But in the games of love, she rationalized all fair is in love and war. She punched the fist into the ground creating a massive ten feet fissure around her. However, he stood a good twenty or so feet away, so obviously no direct hit resulted. What he did not count on was the fact that the power of the punch traveled underground unseen except by those with coveted bloodlimits in their eyes. Without the Sharigan activated, the blow from her punch struck right at him knocking him off his feet.

“It’s not final yet Sasuke-kun,” she cheered.

His eyes narrowed as he rose to his feet wiping a small stream of blood that escaped his mouth. “Let’s finish this,” he said seriously. He blinked his eyes so the color changed from its normal obsidian hue to a ruby red with three black dots swirling around his pupils.

Finally, the Sharigan. Sakura had to gather all her resources for the pivotal moment. Suddenly with a speed she could not glimpse with her eyes, he was in front of her. She immediately reacted with a punch which he gracefully ducked but would never do with a true opponent. She depended on his leniency, and rather than jump away from him to block his incoming punch he was preparing to aim at her stomach, she leaned in to make her most unholy and frightening attack that all powerful and well respected kunoichis in history would be shameful of overtly but secretly proud of covertly. It was a move Tsunade-sama shared with her reluctantly while she was toasted after feasting on a case of sake bottles.

She gathered all available chakra to the exact location and concentrated her perfect control to execute her strike, all within nanoseconds. His face loomed near under her arm, the target just right, so she went for it.

Her breasts expanded to enormous proportions and jiggled, swayed, vibrated, with nipples pointing prominently like delectable cherries on top of two scoops of ice cream on a scrumptious sundae.

His Sharigan eyes, capturing all the movements in precise detail as it was intended to do, bulged, bugged out, popped out, protruded, or whatever indescribable words that was remotely similar.

With that one second he provided her with his mesmerized reaction, she went in for the victory and knocked her charka incapacitating hand against the back of his neck successfully paralyzing him from the neck down. He dropped like a sack of potatoes with his face on the ground.

She kneeled before him and adjusted his head sideways. As she kneeled, her inflated breasts caressed the ground and became intimately close to his eyes. Not that she forgot to deactivate the jutsu, but she was more concerned about him at the moment because she had to stimulate his charka pathways immediately before permanent damage resulted. Okay, who was she kidding? She intended for him to look at her beach ball sized cannons one more time. The shirt really gave her an advantage to display her babies more prominently.

“If this was real, rather than temporarily halt your charka paths, I would have destroyed it,” she said lightly before placing her healing hands on his neck.

He grunted as he sat up and shook off the dirt in his hair and clothing. He immediately turned around, but Sakura swore she saw a red tinge inflict his pale cheeks.

“So I win. I get two favors out of you.”

He refused to look at her, and all she could see was his back. She allowed her manic, evil, demonic smile to creep on her face before she masked it with her Sakura smile and shrank her breasts to its normal size.

“You can turn around now. I’m normal.”

He did but it took him another twenty seconds. Once he faced her, he corrected his features to its static stoic expression.

“So?”

“What are they?”

Inner Sakura jumped for joy. If that was not his blatant acceptance to her win, then he might as well be Orochimaru twin sister’s bastard child with Kabuto. She got her two favors using his own game -- the way of the blood thirsty, angst ridden warrior duking everything out through battle. Old Sakura would have requested two romantic dates or two kisses or two something or another that only brought her immediate gratification and his annoyance. Little Sakura pleaded on her hands and knees for the opportunity before Inner Sakura slapped her silly with other inner selves helping her out. She had something more up her sleeve. ‘Welcome to phase three Sasuke-kun.’

“Let’s see what I want,” she thought aloud knowing that it would only serve to irritate him more. “Okay, I got it. One, you need to buy dinner for Naruto. Call it an all you can eat buffet of ramen.”

He glared at her in his particular way that spoke, “Are you kidding me?”

“I’m serious Sasuke-kun.” And she was, since her relationship with Sai really seemed to frustrate her blond teammate. Furthermore, she could not spend as much time with him because she continually went out on “dates” with the foul mouthed nin. Call it “buying Naruto’s affection” until she had enough time to be more of a friend rather than be called a friend.

“Hn.” This translated to “yes, but I will reluctantly do this.”

“The second will be that you and I have ice cream.”

Another glare but a different one. It said, “What kind of opponent are you?”

Ignoring the different incredulous looks he kept shooting at her, she started to walk out of the training ground.

“Come. I feel the need for a strawberry favor sundae.”

So he followed, grudgingly.

Once they arrived at a well known stand Sakura visited quite frequently, she was greeted by the matronly vendor.

“Sakura-chan, how good of you to come again.”

“Thank you, Mitsuko-san. And how are you?”

“I’m great. Thank you so much. It’s so nice to see such a sweet girl like you on a daily basis. Kids these days have no respect for adults…….”

Did Sakura fail to mention that the vendor’s mouth never closed? Oopps. Sakura nodded politely but glanced at Sasuke-kun who brooded to a new level of brooding. He detested people who never learned to shut up. It was the second on his long list of pet peeves, number one obviously being Itachi and anything related to his hated brother.

“……I told that fish salesman the other day how much his stand stank…..”

Sasuke-kun’s brooding was over, and now he was emitting warning signs of mass destruction. Not wanting to freak out the kind woman even though sometimes she wanted to staple the woman’s mouth shut, Sakura politely and firmly asked, “Can I have my usual please?”

“Oh sorry dearie. Of course you may, and is this the nice young man you are dating?” Mitsuko-san said and squinted her eyes to take a better look. Although Sai and Sasuke-kun resembled each other, each maintained his own unique appearance. Also, did she also fail to mention that the woman was somewhat blind? Oops.

“Oh my, it isn’t,” the woman frowned before scorning Sasuke-kun, the once beloved Uchiha heir and now the barely tolerated former traitor, with a distasteful look. “Who is he to you Sakura-chan? I rather prefer the other one. THAT one was so handsome and always smiling. If you aren’t dating him anymore, I have a son who thinks you are the prettiest girl in the village. Not to mention there are so many young men who would move mountains for you. I heard the other day that the salon owner wanted you as their daughter-in-law. The grocer down the street agreed. You know his son is a shinobi if that’s your type……”

Oh, not to mention that this woman was also the biggest gossip in the village.

“……. he said…...The Hyuuga’s reputation will be lifted to a higher level…….You are quite good friends with that handsome Hyuuga boy, aren’t you?……..You would bring respect and honor to any family you marry….”

BINGO! JACKPOT! Sakura dragged Sasuke-kun, the ever oblivious nin too obsessed with revenge, to hear this. Phase three was definitely going smoothly.

After allowing the vendor a few more minutes to run her mouth, Sakura graciously interrupted to retrieve her and Sasuke-kun’s order. They sat on a bench near a vicinity of a park to enjoy the creamy delight. While Sakura talked endlessly about this and that, Sasuke-kun was more silent than even his usual self. Sakura could only wonder what thoughts swam in his head, but she could only guess. This was new territory for him, and Inner Sakura shimmied a new dance.

After finishing their ice cream, correction, after Sakura finished her ice cream and waited a few more minutes as Sasuke-kun stared at his melted goo, rather than linger around, Sakura hopped off the bench.

“It’s getting late. I better go. Let’s do lunch again,” she said. Instead of giving her even a terse “ah,” he threw his ice cream in the bin and stormed away with his hands in his pockets.

Twenty minutes after he left her sight, she finally permitted a broad grin to overwhelm her face. As she turned to go home, lightheaded and oppressively happy, she did not see a pair of dark eyes observe her.

That night, her good mood continued. She joyously cooked and hummed contently when she heard a rap on her door.

“Sai-kun,” she brightly greeted him as she embraced him in a hug.

“We’re not in public ugly. I don’t want any more of your germs on me,” he frankly stated with a smile.

She only playfully slapped him and headed back into the kitchen to serve the meal.

“You are in a good mood. Did someone touch you by accident and not feel repulsed?”

Sakura let his offensive words to roll off her back. “Whatever comes out of your nasty uncreative mouth will not bother me tonight. You should be lucky. Now eat.”

As they ate, Sai seemed a little frustrated because every insult he made garnered no reaction from her. He finally gave up and started to speak with her without the degrading comments.

Could the day get any better?

As he finished recounting his training experience with Kiba with his off hand humor, not directed at her for once, Sakura quickly left the room and returned with a package in hand.

“What’s that?”

She offered him the box with a smile. “This is for you for being cooperative with me. Also, this is for you for being my friend.”

He merely looked at the box as if it was some strange foreign object.

“Just take it.” She seized his right and placed the box in it. “Open it. I want to see if you like it.”

Sai dropped his mask when examining the box. He lifted the box to his eye level and continued to study it by flipping it this and that direction.

“You’re not going to get hurt from opening the box. Sheesh, you have no trust in me.”

He arched his eyebrow but opened the box nonetheless. Inside, it revealed a steel rod with a brush on one end.

“Do you like it?” Sakura asked eagerly. “I saw it when I went out with TenTen to purchase some medical tools. It is so you, so I had to purchase it. One side is a brush for your drawings, and the other side is a sharp end -- if you take off the cap -- so you can use it as a weapon too. And unlike other types of brushes, this is made of steel so it won’t break.”

He genuinely frowned for the second time in her presence. She wondered if she saddened him. That was truly an emotion one should not experience if one was a novice to the different arrays of feelings out there to be had.

“You don’t like it,” Sakura huffed. She was about to snatch her gift when he pulled away.

“I like it……. Thank you,” he said sincerely as his eyes remained on the brush in his open palm.

“Well I –“ A knock on her door interrupted her speech. “Wait here,” she ordered. The door opened to reveal her Sasuke-kun. Why was he here? She certainly had not expected him to be, but recently his behaviors were of such she could not plan for.

“Sasuke-kun. Hi. This is certainly a surprise.”

“Sakura -,” Sasuke swerved his eyes to Sai standing in her living room. In the fashion of his arrival, he turned and walked away, leaving her slightly befuddled.

Luckily her brain kicked in and urged for her to follow; that and Inner Sakura’s booming voice followed suit. Sakura ran after him and tugged on his arm because he would not stop when she called out to him.

“Sasuke-kun, that wasn’t nice. You could have stayed to talk for a bit but –“

“I want a rematch. Same rules,” he stated with his usual glare in place.

“Uhm. Okay. But it has to wait because I’m going to be extremely busy. Also your jounin exams will be next week, so afterwards, okay?”

“Ah,” he finalized and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

And when she thought today followed her scheme exactly as she intended, tonight certainly provided her with some unanticipated surprises.



A/N: As I write THIS Sakura, I lub her more and more. Thank you for all those who dared to read this far. I guess you all are as much as of a cynic as I am when it comes to finding or ensnaring the right man. Lift your martinis (or milk) and hold your heads up high. We righteous females should unite!

I also lub Sai. Granted the “dickless wonder” jab is from my own perverse twist on what he said to Naruto, I find the insult very fitting. One needs wit and imagination to successfully insult people. He’s swarmy and asinine but clever nonetheless.

I wonder if Kakashi is in character. I remember his character to be corky and mysterious when he is not in his battle mode or teacher mode. He can act childish especially with porn and instills a lot of humor especially against his students. What was that again? Thousand years of pain which turned out to be an enema type attack? It’s obvious how he screws around with Naruto, but this is Sakura’s story so she gets the honor instead.

Yah! I lub reviews….lub, lub, lub them….. and good vodka….MMmmmmm vodka. I lub dirty martinis……especially very very dirty martinis…. (goes and gets another serving)….. So good~ =). However, am bummed that adultfanfiction writers don’t like me much except those of you who are very much into het fics. Whatever. I think of this more as a challenge.

Hope you’re happy people. This is like twice the length of my normal chapters.