Our most featured Naruto

Disclaimer: Ah you know the drill.

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Chapter Six: Selfishness and Longing

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Once again, at six o’ clock on the dawn of October 7, 2006, Uchiha Sasuke replayed lazyboy51’s latest video more than a dozen times like a corpse on depressants. His mind was unable to grasp neither sound nor motion. The way the blond would pout when he was irritated, or look to the ceiling when he tries to recall, or when his face would grimace slightly when he speaks of the countless homosexuals in his midst. Sasuke could no longer grasp the wonder that was Uzumaki Naruto, for his mind had turned to mush. By the time those sensuous pink lips had uttered the words “date”, “raccoon boy”, and “shag until the sun burns out” (though the last one is all in Sasuke’s imagination), he knew he wasn’t going to school that day. But then, who would he butcher?

“Sasuke? A model from Calvin Klein called. He said his name is Marky Mark? He wants to know if you would like to get together sometime…” Itachi called from the floor below.

Oh no, he was going to school! Sasuke thought with renewed determination. Even if he had to face the day with everyone knowing that he had a “slight” fetish for packs of briefs. Some things were more important than putting up with complete and utter humiliation. The Uchiha wasn’t a genius for nothing. He already had a plan, and he was going to roast some raccoons.

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“Neji-kun! Put yourself together dammit!” A slightly concerned and more than embarrassed Tenten lightly nudged the comatose Hyuuga next to her. They were sitting in a glade behind school that served as a meeting place for students who wanted to…do stuff in private. She could hear the rustle of bushes nearby that made her face contort in disgust. She nearly threw her handy dandy dagger no. 8 at the moaning shrub, but it wasn’t their fault though for taking advantage of the scenery.

The bun-haired girl could not think of any other place to bring the unresponsive Neji, a place that was away from the amused eyes of classmates and the heartbroken cries of fangirls. Neji had unfortunately not been spared from the blunt of Naruto’s journal. Nowadays they treated Naruto’s words like law, whether they liked him or not. It was only Tuesday and already the social hierarchy of Konoha High was shifting with the powerful tides of Naruto’s confessions.

One of the most influential teenage icons in Konoha had been reduced to nothing more that a blubbering dimwit. She winced when the Hyuuga was practically drooling on her shoulder, eyes whiter than usual, trapped in an alternate universe. She had reluctantly convinced herself to visit the Hyuuga in his estate that morning, concerned if he had seen the video and how he would react to it. She was one of the few who were aware of Neji’s crush on the little blond, though she had no idea why. A manservant had opened the door, looking like someone had just died, and ushered her to Neji’s room, where he sat gaping at the computer screen, dressed and elegant. The servant said that he had been that way for half an hour, unmoving and unflinching. The servant had also confessed that Hinata had finally finished her ice-cream devouring episode after gaining ten pounds that morning. That was until she had checked her own computer and ran out of the house crying, heading for the Hyuuga candy store. She would miss another day it seemed.

Tenten however, would not allow Neji any absences. She strapped the dead-to-the-world Hyuuga to an ironing board and shoved him to the back of their limo. When they got to school however, she could already hear the laughter from the student body and screams of anguish from the Neji Squad. Still on the ironing board, she rolled him to the back to the building, at least until she could bring Neji’s soul back.

“Neji-kun! Wake up!” She tried slapping him around but it only resulted in shaking him of excess drool. She had tried everything; punching him in the gut, lightly piercing him with a kunai, stuffed a raccoon in his boxers, she even gave him an atomic wedgie, but nothing would pull him from his daze. Frustrated, she threw the boy into the bushes, only to be chucked out as the unknown couple continued with their activities. She straightened her uniform and sat cross-legged on the leafy earth, thinking. She grinned when an idea popped into her hidden-Mickey shaped head. She pointed to the vibrating bush and screamed in distress. “Oh my God! Gaara! You should use protection or else Naruto might get pregnant!”

As if zapped by lightning, the Hyuuga immediately came alive, head searching frantically for the cute blond and the lecherous red-head. “Where?! Where’s Naruto?!”

Startled, Tenten meekly pointed to the moaning shrub. Neji dove into the bush like a torpedo and used his delicate fingernails to excavate the poor shrub. Leaves and dirt flew everywhere and screams flooded the forest as a girl and a boy, both naked, were pulled from their spot and into the sky, never to be seen again as an energized Neji continued his search. Tenten could only stare in awe as a crater was left where the bush had been. Looking like a mess, Neji turned tiredly to Tenten. “Naruto…not here…fucking…”

The brown-eyed girl guiltily rubbed her arm. “Yes…um…it’s the only way I can think of to wake you up…sorry Neji-kun.”

Neji sighed and plopped down on a log, trying unenthusiastically to clear the mud from his manicure. When he didn’t say a word, the well-armed brunette sat next to the unhappy Hyuuga. She pulled out a comb from one of the many secret compartments in her uniform that housed weapons of every sort. She went on to brush the Hyuuga’s messy mane, rubbing his shoulder for comfort.

Neji merely stared at the ground. “What’s wrong with me Tenten? I’m Hyuuga Neji…I’m supposed to get whatever I want…but now…”

Tenten bit her lip enough to bleed. It pained her to hear her love in misery, but it hurt the worst when it was because of the blond idiot. She knew Neji would not listen to anything else, so she swallowed her agony and posed as a friend. “Then fight for him. You’ll get anywhere if you just sit on a log moping.” She kept her voice steady, hiding her turmoil. Her words were like vomit.

Neji stared at the girl in alarm. “Do you actually know what you’re saying? I thought you hated him.”

“Yes…I do. But I hate it more that you’re depressed because of him.” Neji winced when Tenten pulled on the comb forcefully.

“So…does that mean you’re going to help me?”

He didn’t notice when the girl’s eyes glazed over. Sacrifice was a selfless act, and Tenten, unless with her two bestfriends, was anything but selfless. She would fight as well. “Of course I will. I’ll make sure my shurikens trim more than just Gaara’s eyebrows.”

Neji chuckled. “I’m afraid force won’t be necessary, at least not on your part. Gaara is a brute. Naruto shouldn’t see anything in him.” The Hyuuga said with contempt.

“And if he does? Naruto isn’t exactly articulate either, or at least he doesn’t know what that word even means.” She also had trouble figuring out what Neji saw in Naruto.

The pale-eyed boy sighed and looked to the clouds. “It’s not his mind I fell in love with. Did you know he was the first crush I ever had?”

Sadly, she did. “No…”

“I asked myself why when it happened, when I started to change. Hinata did too. I had everything I could ever need, and yet I never smiled a day in my life. And yet, there he was. And yet there he was, he had nothing, and still he acted like the happiest person in the world. That must be why…”

Tenten put the comb back in her blouse, and laced her fingers on her lap, not knowing what to say. Neji had never revealed himself that way before. She accepted that he had changed much since they were kids, but she would never admit that the blond had anything to do with it.

“That’s why…I want him for myself. I have everything he could ever need, and he has everything I don’t have. I…I think we complete each other.” He said it with a surreal expression that rivaled that of a painting. He did not hide the hope in his voice, or the slight tone of determination.

Tenten could only turn away to mask her depression. “We should go now. Class will start in ten minutes.”

“Okay.” He scooted closer and held her hand, looking straight into her eyes. “I am indebted to you Tenten. You are one of the only people that I am willing to show this side of me too. I am grateful for your friendship; I just want you to know that.” He kissed her cheek.

She nodded and walked out of the glade, Neji close behind her. He did not see the heartbroken tears streaming from her eyes.

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Unlike Neji and Sasuke, Gaara’s passage through the corridors of Konoha High was not met with snickers and wailing fangirls. In fact, his venture through the busy halls was followed by gasps, squeals…and a bit of moaning. For that Tuesday morning was anything but usual for Gaara of the sandbox. Because on that day, he was smiling.

As he treaded through the parted crowds he couldn’t for the life him hold back the uncharacteristic grin plastered on his gorgeously pale face. After seeing the video that morning, he had scared the shit out of his brother and sister when he enthusiastically ate the cereal, and not the bowl. He had no reason to be in perpetual state of antagonism anymore when he felt like a complete stud muffin, at least to the one person where it mattered.

Students dove into their lockers, feeling that doomsday was at hand. Others were glued to the floor, bound by shock. Girls started crying while others peed their panties. The more enthusiastic crowed however squealed in joy, getting hot from the sexual aura emanating from the usually empathic Gaara. Girls fell to their knees, praising Kami-sama, while a few boys came right in there pants, having never seen such a wonderful sight.

Gaara was oblivious; his mind lingered on the beautiful blond and refused to steer away, trapping him in euphoria. He did notice a certain girl shivering violently in a corner, the same girl he kicked in the crotch every single day ever since she called him cute. Her friends grouped behind her, quivering as well. The crowd looked on in wonder and fear when the red-haired boy stopped in front of the vibrating posse. After that he did something they never expected. His smile grew wider and he blinked.

The group exploded into a pile of squealing mush, brought off by fangasms. Gaara continued on, heedless of the people dropping dead as he passed, and the fanclub that was swarming to him like vultures. His grin vanished completely when he opened the door to his class, revealing his worst fear in the form of bushy eyebrows and green leotards.

“Good morning Gaara-kun!” Lee bellowed as he twirled here, there, and everywhere, to the groans of displeasure from his classmates. As expected the tightly clad boy glomped the older red-head, just when he thought nothing could ruin his day. He twitched uncontrollably, knowing that there was virtually nothing he could do to deter the bowl haired idiot from harassing him. Ever since Gaara had defeated him in a martial arts competition, he had fallen into an odd infatuation with the red-head. Every time he would get annoyed, which was all the time, he would kick Lee in the groin who would only laugh it off, as if having his nuts cracked made him ticklish. Gaara figured that Lee must have an infinite number of testicles stowed in his leotard, which beating him up would only be a waste of energy.

Gaara threw the green Pilates master off him and huffed towards his desk, while Lee twirled around him like a well-trained chimp on aphrodisiac. “I am so happy that Gaara-kun has a date! Nothing celebrates the joy of youth more than spending time with those you love!”

Gaara glared at the boy for all it was worth, but gave up with a sigh when it proved to be as pointless as boiling water with a toothbrush.

As Lee prattled on about the youthfulness of romance, Gaara saw at the corner of his eye the Hyuuga staring fiercely at him, he smirked. He had won for the moment, and he couldn’t believe how long it took him to summon the courage to make the first move, but he was lucky, for he DID make the first move. It was war, and he was more than wiling to fight.

The math teacher Kurenai promptly entered the classroom and laid her books on her desk. “Settle down now class, enough with the whispering. Today we’re gonna start…LEE! How many times have I told you that it is against school policy to wear your spandex to class?! You have to wear your uniform!”

The bowl-haired boy pouted. “But Kurenai-sensei! These uniforms you speak off are against regulations!”

Kurenai was taken-aback. “No they’re not! In fact, their compul-”

“They are against the regulations of youth and freedom and are designed to squelch the beauty off…”

The entire class groaned and Kurenai felt another migraine coming. Gaara bit back the urge to kick Lee in the nuts, while Neji was too busy glaring at Gaara to notice anything. Tenten was however caught between sulking about Neji’s insanity, insanity being not loving her, and total embarrassment from just knowing the boy with the monologue.

The red-eyed sensei rubbed her head tiredly and silenced the boy in the leotard. “If you refuse to wear the regulation uniform then I’m gonna have to look for ways to have you expelled.” Kurenai sternly stated.

Lee pouted even more, his dark, beady eyes starting to water. “But Gai sensei said I should express my fondness for youth by wearing ridiculously tight clothes at all times…”

Kurenai outwardly cringed at hearing the name. Not only did Gai rape her darling Asuma (Asuma had been drunk of course), but he had apparently slept with Kakashi too. Then it had become painfully obvious that Gai was after Iruka as well. She could only hope that Kakashi was aware. “I don’t care Lee. Either you look for something tight that doesn’t go against the dress code, or you leave school.”

Lee’s bottom lip trembled and wailed like the girl he was. He glomped a repulsed Gaara on his seat and held on tight. “Oh Gaara-kun! What shall I do?!”

The red-head struggled futilely, his pale face turning the same shade as Lee’s precious spandex. “Dammit get off!!”

The class looked on with mild interest, as if the scene wasn’t unusual. Neji stared with unbelievable concentration, while Tenten held back her sobs and her vomit at the same time. Kurenai groaned and slumped on her seat, purposefully overdosing herself with a bottle of anti-depressants.

It was just another day in Konoha High.

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Ring…ring…ring…

In downtown Konoha, within a humble little apartment, Uzumaki Naruto relaxed in his shower as the phone rang. He decided to continue to lather his blond hair, figuring that Tsunade was conscious and would answer the phone. Minutes passed however and the phone continued to ring.

“Gaki! Will you stop that damn ringing! My head hurts like hell!”

Naruto groaned and slammed his head on the tiled wall in frustration. Deciding that whoever it was that was calling wanted something important and Tsunade was too hung-over to distinguish the sound of a chainsaw with a trumpet. He quickly toweled himself off and marched towards the living room, phone still ringing. He was more than a little pissed when he picked up. “WHAT?!”

“Naruto? God what took you so long? Are you all right?”

“I was taking a shower Iruka-sensei.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Not meaning to be rude sensei, but what do you want?”

His teacher answered as if he had just recovered his wits. “Oh right! Well…” It startled the dripping blond when the man started to sound serious. “Listen Naruto. I have something to tell you and you’re not going to like it so you better brace yourself.”

“O…kay… What’s going on Iruka-sensei?” The boy asked, holding tighter to the towel around his waist.

Iruka took a breath. “I am sorry Naruto for how you will feel after you hear this, but it is my right as your advisor to protect you.” His voice was low and breathy, almost secretive.

Naruto was perplexed and concerned, and also curious. “Okay stop beating around the bush sensei! What is it?”

“You’re being betrayed.”

Naruto gaped. That was unexpected. All the boy could say was “Why?”

“Yes, I’ll get to that. The truth is Naruto that -” Dial tone.

Naruto stared at the phone with befuddlement. Wondering what the hell just happened. Though a normal person would find suspicion or maybe even stumble upon an epiphany at those puzzling circumstances, but alas, Naruto, was not a normal person. “I left the shower for that?!” He slammed the phone back to its cradle and stomped to his room to get dressed.

Tsunade laid on his bed in a groaning heap, eyes adjusting to the painful amount of light in the room. “Gaki…could you be a dear and fetch me a Dr. Pepper? I have a real weird craving for it right now.”

Naruto had just finished dressing when Tsunade decided to speak. “All I have is apple juice and year old eggnog. Get some yourself.”

The older blond whined. “But I want Dr. Pepper NOW!!”

Naruto cringed, having been brought back to memories of last night. Exactly who among them was the elder? He fled the apartment before the woman could throw his alarm clock at him. He really did not have the will or the energy to butt heads with the old migraine at the moment. All he could think of was his impending date and its implications, and vaguely he delved into the mystery of Iruka’s words. But as he blindly trekked to school, only so miniscule a sentence ran in the highway of his brain caught in a perpetual loop.

‘What am I gonna wear?’

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In the faculty lounge of Konoha High, Iruka blanched in the face and dropped the phone back in its cradle.

“What happened Iruka?” Kakashi asked passively, leaning on a table while flipping through Itcha Itcha Monthly.

“I think those little bastards cut me off.” Iruka could not understand the words that were coming out of his mouth, but they apparently made sense.

“Hmm…If I taught business ethics I’d have given them perfect grades. Their sneaky little devils, eh Iruka?”

The brunette was too sensible a person to go into a fit, so he settled for frowning. “They tapped his phone. I don’t know how but they did. They could be watching us right now!” His head swiveled all around the room, paranoid.

“They sure are going far with this. I wouldn’t mind really if Naruto wasn’t so…honest.”

Iruka crossed his arms. “Do you have any idea why they’re doing this? There has to be a reason right? I mean yesterday I threatened to have them expelled if they didn’t say anything but they just kept their mouths shut. I swear if anything happens to Naruto…I don’t know.”

Kakashi seemed like he couldn’t care less. “We’re already keeping a truck load of secrets from him Iruka. What’s one more?”

The younger brunette peered at the floor on dismay. “This is gonna destroy him Kakashi. But I just can’t believe that Shikamaru is going to such lengths out of spite. There has to be reason.”

The white-haired man finally looked up from his magazine and gazed at his companion, eye frowning. “You do realize someone put them up to it?”

Iruka didn’t seem all that surprised. “I…had a hunch. But who?”

Kakashi thought about it for a bit and went back to his porn bag, as if nothing happened. “Who knows. But the Uchiha’s might.”

That got the brunette’s attention. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh. Didn’t you know? Uchiha Sai transferred here yesterday. Naruto gave him quite a beating too.” Kakashi chuckled lightly, amused by the bloody memory.

Iruka shook his head and waved his arms in front of him. “Wait…why would anyone switch schools in the middle of the year? And before finals?”

The older man just shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe he was sent.”

Iruka had a hard time processing what he was hearing. “And why the hell would you say that?”

“Because…don’t you remember where Sai’s been? He’s worked for covert operations Iruka. He’s practically an assassin.”

The brunette slowly edged closer to the other man and removed the magazine from his hands. He gripped the other’s shoulders and stared at him seriously in the eye. “So you’re saying that they sent a seventeen year old boy to our school to kill someone? Naruto?”

The taller of the two remained unfazed, smiling slightly behind his mask at the contact. “I know how that must have sounded but that actually never crossed my mind.” He inched his face closer to Iruka’s, his nose centimeter’s from Iruka’s scar, the younger man shivered. “I doubt the Uchiha’s would ever allow Naruto to die. He’s far too valuable…” Kakashi breathed down the tanned man’s neck.

Iruka closed his eyes in hidden rapture. “Then why?” He gasped.

“Well…” Kakashi slowly spun the other man to the table, leaning over Iruka. “Maybe…he was sent to lend a hand. After all…Shikamaru has the brains…maybe they needed someone with a gun.”

Iruka was practically laying on the table with Kakashi over him, gripping his ponytail. “I see…so you think he’s just damage control then?” He licked his lips. “Just…sent to keep a secret…?”

Kakashi made to slowly unbutton Iruka’s shirt. “Just a hunch.” He placed a clothed kiss on a heated neck.

The man below moaned lightly when Kakashi stroked his abdomen with cold fingers. “Yeah…so…does your hunch also entail that they won’t hurt Naruto?”

Kakashi peered in anticipation at the half-naked brunette and laid completely on top of him, foreheads touching. “I assure you…they won’t.” He attempted to remove his mask so he could kiss Iruka when he was stopped.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Iruka asked, gripping Kakashi’s hand.

The white-haired sensei’s one little eye got a whole lot bigger at that. “I was uh…kiss you?” He responded, very confused.

“Well, don’t. I don’t want you to.” He detached Kakashi’s hand from his hair and pushed himself off the table, while Kakashi stood there, even more confused.

“Sorry…but I was under the impression that you wanted to have sex.”

Iruka momentarily ceased from buttoning his shirt to look repulsed. “Oh heavens no! Not when you’ve still got Gai germs on you.” He shivered at the thought.

Kakashi’s demeanor darkened considerably. “That was one year ago Iruka. When are you gonna get over it?”

“I can’t get over it! Not when you’ve fucked someone as promiscuous as Gai!”

“Iruka…” Kakashi was getting impatient, just wanting to get rid of his raging hard-on, even though further thoughts of Gai was speeding up the process quite nicely. “I took the STD test FIVE times!”

“A sixth wouldn’t hurt.”

“And don’t you remember when I made you come with me to have my rectum rinsed?”

“Some diseases thrive in far deeper corners.”

Kakashi’s one eye twitched in annoyance at Iruka’s insistence that he was still laden with Gai germs. “I also had myself sterilized, so now I can’t have children, making it impossible for my sperm to be infected.”

Iruka stared at the older man pitiably. “I don’t know why you did that.”

Kakashi made a gesture of pulling his hair out. “Dammit Iruka! What will it take for you to give me another chance?”

Iruka shrugged and made his way to the door. “Sorry, but I’ve got class.”

The taller man pushed the other against the wall and rubbed their groins together. “I’m still REALLY hard right now. How do you suppose I get rid of it?”

The younger brunette smirked amusedly. “You’ve got two hands, pick one.” He slipped passed Kakashi and out the door, making his way to his first class.

Kakashi sighed and did as he was told.

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Haruno Sakura arrived to class to a scene similar to the day before, only they didn’t flee at her arrival. They hushed their gossip at her appearance but still continued nonetheless. Sakura no longer had any doubts that Ino was trying to humiliate her, and continuous talk about the B2k virus had lost all novelty, coming from treacherous mouths. She knew that Ino had included the entire class and maybe even the entire school on the deception, for everyone she asked said the same thing. She had even tried logging on to the internet that morning, only to have it disconnect prematurely at every attempt. The world was playing games with her, and she planned to find out why.

She approached the same group of girls, who only ended their conversation. “Hey girls, what’s going on?” She asked through clenched teeth.

The other girls looked nervous, but Ino actually seemed perky. “Nothing really. But…”

“But what?” She sat herself down with the group.

“Well…this is gonna sound weird and random, but, how often do you change your bed sheets?”

Sakura found it very random indeed, but once again, she played the clueless one. “Um…twice a month, give or take. Why Ino-pig?” She didn’t bother to hide her suspicion.

Ino squirmed in her chair, Sakura noticed. “It’s just that we heard that old bed sheets are very bad for the skin, since it collects so much dust and all. Especially during parties when dust is all over the place. So we were wondering…did you change your sheets after the Christmas party?”

Sakura looked like she had been crossed. “So, you’re saying that before I got here, you were talking about my bed sheets?”

Ino tensed, and so did everyone else, cep’t Relena. “Maybe…a bit…”

The pink-haired girl went from peeved to down right frivolous, a girl with a personality disorder was not one to be scorned. “Oh I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. I changed it to my Christmas sheets right before the party, so I doubt it collected that much.”

Ino and the other girls tried hard to keep a straight face. “But you know sometimes it collects more than just dust.” Kagome stated.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you know, it could have gotten some…stains…” Miaka said trying to hide her mirth.

“Um…I guess…I did allow people to eat in my room so I guess it had a few.”

The girls completely forgot the consequences when they hid their obvious chuckling behind their hands. It was that unreasonable reaction that had had summoned the beast within Haruno Sakura. She had about all she could take with the strange conversations, all the teasing, all the lying and the inside jokes, and she was tired of playing along and being patient. She had snapped. “Will you guys shut up?!”

And so they did, the entire room had taken a paint drying silence. Ino and the rest of them froze on their chairs, paling under the wrath of Sakura, who was towering over them. Within her emerald eyes was a furiously maniacal flame that had not been there seconds before. Sakura’s emotions were as predictable as that of a drunk, pregnant woman.

She marched towards Ino and hoisted her off the chair till they were looking eye to eye. The entire room gasped and held their breath. “Look Ino-pig, I know you’ve been screwing with me and you told everyone else to screw with me too. Is this another ploy to get Sasuke?”

Ino found herself stuttering her answer, she had been afraid of that outcome, Sasuke would have to forgive her. “N-no…but…”

“Then what is it?!” The pink-haired monster bellowed to her face.

The jig was up. “S-Sakura…the truth is that…”

Ring…ring…ring…

Sakura could not believe that anyone would choose to call at that particular moment. Whoever the bastard was would surely hear a lot of choice words from her. She held up Ino by the collar with one surprisingly strong arm, while the other retrieved her cell phone from her pocket. “What the hell do you want?! Cant you see I’m busy?!”

The caller answered uncertainly. “Sakura…it’s me…”

Sakura unceremoniously dropped the blond to the floor. “Sasuke?!”

Even while Ino was groaning on the floor she couldn’t help but be surprised that Sasuke actually called Sakura. Had he known that Sakura suspected?

“Sasuke, why are you calling me? Are you okay? Do you need some love?” She could not remember the last time her boyfriend had voluntarily called her on the phone, which might be due to the fact that it had never happened before. She forgot everything and was lost in her ecstasy.

“No, Sakura. I just need you to walk me to class.”

That was a bit odd and disappointing, but she took what she could get. “Of course Sasuke! Where are you?”

“Outside school, and hurry it up…”

Ino stood herself up on shaky legs. “Sakura, what was -” Only dust remained from when Sakura raced to her boyfriend. The entire room exuded a sense of relief and even Ino let out a breath. She was off the hook. For now.

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Sakura found her boyfriend leaning against his car outside school. She was leaping with joy until she had taken a good look at him. “Sasuke, what happened to you? You look awful!”

Indeed he did. His uniform was all messed up and he was jittering about as if he had drunk too much coffee. His hair was uncombed and he had a strange light in his eyes, was it menace? “I’m fine Sakura, just walk by me will you?” He strode passed her in the direction of the school.

Dumbfounded, she ran to him and cautiously clung to his arm. She was aghast when Sasuke didn’t fight her off. What the hell was going on? “Um…Sasuke…I don’t mean to pry. But since I’m used to you wanting your personal space, which is okay I guess…but…”

“You wanna know why I wanted you to walk with me.” Sasuke empathically stated without even looking at her.

Sakura chose her words carefully; her boyfriend seemed to have a shorter fuse than usual. “Um…to be honest, yes. So…would you tell me?”

The boy merely smiled sadly. “You’ll see.”

Sakura didn’t have to wait long before she knew what he meant. Once they had arrived inside the halls of Konoha High, it seemed like they had drifted to another universe where the boy on her arm was not a gorgeous and popular male model and that she was not the envy of the entire female population, but for that moment she felt like she was dragging a hairy, fat man wearing a thong with a considerable amount of B.O.

Sakura had never been to a world where girls shied away instead of blushing or jumping on her boyfriend. She had never experienced people staring at them with humor and pity, though it was humor for Sasuke and pity for her. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. They were mocking them! They were mocking Sasuke!

“Don’t do anything.”

She stupidly looked to her boyfriend. “What?”

“Just walk Sakura.” He tried to not look affected.

Sakura however could not hold her concern. “Did someone spread a nasty rumor about you or something?”

Sasuke felt that he was obligated to answer. “You could say that.”

The rest of their journey went on in silence, except for the intimidating glares and frowns and chuckles of the student body.

It was another day in Konoha High.

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Naruto had arrived late that day but was not given a detention however, for Iruka had their first subject. Naruto had asked the teacher about their brief conversation earlier that morning, but Iruka merely shrugged it off as nothing and said that it could wait another time. It was official however that ALL of his friends were avoiding him. There was Shino, who was understandable, and Shikamaru still refused to acknowledge him, but then Kiba was staying out of his way as well. He figured that he was angry for not confiding in him the other day, and he knew that all would be forgiven if he just did what Kiba wanted, but a part of him just didn’t want to at the moment. If he did then he would also be entitled to mention his upcoming date with Gaara, and he was reluctant to reveal that he was gay just then. He was pleased by the fact that no one would have to know about his little date; definitely Gaara would not feel a need to mention it to anyone. He would just have to keep it a secret and hoped that no one would see them in public that afternoon.

Naruto could not ignore the increased amount of whispers and pointed looks he received form everyone around him. It was just enough to make him crazy. Before he could pummel the next bystander he saw, he left the cafeteria to eat lunch in the glade behind school. He had lost his appetite however when the bush next to him started moaning. He couldn’t express how lonely he felt, and how strange the days had become, but at least he could look forward to spend a night with someone he had wanted to be friends with for a very long time. It kept him going.

The day was just as odd for Neji and Sasuke, who had to deal with their increased popularity, but it wasn’t exactly the good kind. Having been officially thrust out of the closet, they had endured both taunts and winks, laughter and scorn, while the girls that held not their affections steadfastly clung to them in protection, though one of them had no idea why. Sasuke had spent most of the day scouting for a certain blond who seemed to always run off somewhere. He was rewarded for his trouble however when said blond snuck up on him, telling him that they could not study that day.

“And why not?” Sasuke inquired with an even tone, as if he didn’t know.

Naruto had his hands clasped behind of his back, clicking his heels and looking down at the floor, Sasuke had never seen anything so adorable. “I…I just…I need to see a friend…” Not a lie at all actually.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, not buying it. “And how many friends do you have Naruto?” That didn’t come out right for Sasuke.

That was harsh, Naruto bit his lip to hide the hurt, but it didn’t work. “I don’t have to explain myself to you Uchiha, if I don’t feel like studying with you then piss off.”

With that said, Naruto turned on his heels and ran away, inviting the stares of everyone. “Naruto! Wait!” He was already gone by the time he summoned the courage to call out. There went his chances…

The rest of the day went by on it’s miserable pace, except for one; Gaara.

Gaara had never felt so elated in his life. When he arrived home, he actually gave his sister a kiss on the cheek, which ended with her in trauma induced shock. Needless to say she wouldn’t be cooking dinner that night.

The young Sabaku spent nearly two hours in the bathroom making himself as pretty as possible, without a clue as to what everything was for. He had scooped an armful of beauty products from Temari’s dresser and dumped them into the sink, inspecting each one. He picked up one that seemed to be eyeliner. He figured that that was good for masking the dark rims around his eyes, so he gave it a shot. When it didn’t seem to make him look any less of an insomniac, he moved on to the mascara.

Gaara had absolutely no idea what someone on a date should look like, but all he cared about was that he wanted to look as good for Naruto as possible. He damned himself for his lack of human interaction, he didn’t even know how to put the blush right! Full of curiosity but without a single thought, he applied everything. He felt confident when he was able to decide on lipstick that matched his hair, didn’t people like to wear things that matched? He puffed some more powder to make himself even paler, and dabbed more mascara to make his rims even darker. He added the finishing touches with a tub of gel, and styled his hair to that of a candle flame. He inspected himself and marveled at his work, he loved how the pink blush accentuated his chalky pale face, though he had no idea what the hell he was talking about. Gaara reminded himself of a character he had seen in a movie once, some guy with scissor hands? He was hot wasn’t he?

Though Gaara had never applied anything on his body other than shampoo and conditioner, and with his sister’s advice, deodorant, he was pretty confident with himself. Fortunately, he was aware of what men usually wore on dates; he donned a nice casual polo shirt with a pair of khaki’s. Once he had finally finished preparations, he went to fetch the car keys. He promised to pick up his date.

The uncharacteristically jubilant red-head knocked on his brother’s door. He could only hear moans and the creak of bed springs on the other side, but it didn’t deter him anyway from opening it resulting in his brother falling off the bed with a crash with his girl still attached. “Kankuro. I need the keys.”

“Dammit Gaara! Cant you see I was busy!” His elder brother tried desperately to hide his naked blow-up doll under his bed while putting on a pair of boxers. Kankuro liked dolls more than people. Really…

“Yeah whatever, I need to use the car.”

“What for?” Kankuro asked irritated, putting on a shirt.

“It’s none of your business and unless you want to die, you’ll pretend to be satisfied with that answer.” There was no room for challenge in Gaara’s tone.

“Fine, fine.” Kankuro complied without argument. He took the keys out of his pants pocket, the pants he didn’t have on. Once Kankuro took a good look at his younger brother, his face rivaled the same shade as Gaara’s, with the powder. “Oh my God…are you wearing lipstick? What the fuck…is that blush?”

Gaara actually started to get nervous under his brother’s scrutiny. “Get the hell off Kankuro and give me the damn keys before I kick you!”

His whole body was twitching when he gave his brother the keys, and said brother stormed off angrily. ‘Sometimes Gaara is just too reserved for his own good, but it’s really not his fault.’ Kankuro thought. ‘I hope he does good in that drag competition, should have wished him luck.’ Kankuro lazily went back to his room, thoughts bothered by his brother’s apparent new hobby, and Gaara on a runway.

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Sasuke appreciated his older brother for so many things. For promising to relieve him of his executive duties for the rest of his life even though it was Sasuke that their parents had chosen to hand their vast lucrative empire to before they died. He appreciated him for bailing him out of nearly everything and always running to his rescue, even though he convinced himself he didn’t need it. And he appreciated him for majoring in drama and owning a room full of costumes of every sort. He and his cousin Sai used to play dress up all the time, before they found out it was a girl game. But matters of sex no longer bothered Sasuke for it was essential in his scheme.

Sasuke had gained new insight once he found out Gaara had asked Naruto out. Though he wasn’t interested in claiming Naruto, or so he thought, he still didn’t want some psycho to have him. The videos were proving to be detrimental to his life and everyone else, so once he broke up Naruto and Gaara, he’d be more than happy to tell the blond about the set up, so no one else would ever know the things that only he knew about Naruto.

He scanned through the expansive walk in closet for the perfect pair of spy gear, or more accurately, a black ninja garb that he had always had an eye for when he was a kid. He nearly jumped for joy when he found what he was looking for. It was complete night gear, from the vest to the tabi shoes, and even the fox mask was obsidian. It was perfect! Sasuke could feel his clothes slowly float off his body as if they had never been secured as he floated in midair in a dazzling white light. Sasuke could feel the power on his pale naked flesh as he digivolved to…

Sailor Sasuke!

‘…wait…that’s not right!’ Indeed it wasn’t. Sasuke repeated the process again, and donned on his ninja costume. Sasuke had become…

Stalker Sasuke!

Stalker Sasuke inspected himself in the full length mirror, and liked what he saw. He had graciously asked Sakura to teach him all the fine points of stalkering during one of their free periods. She was suspicious at first, but one peck on the lips changed all that. He had no idea that that were so many equations and equilateral triangles involved in being a stalker. Not to mention they have to consider weather patterns, guard dog mating seasons, and Mexican immigration laws to stalk successfully and without detection. As a genius, he was able to easily memorize the array of flow charts and outlines laid out before him. For once, he was grateful for Sakura around, he had no idea how rough stalkers had it. Next time he would be more considerate…

Sasuke looked in the mirror one last time, for he would apply what he had learned only hours ago into action. He greeted his brother who was signing some documents on the dining table. “Bye niisan, I’m going stalking. Don’t wait for me.”

“Okay. Don’t forget a condom.”

Apparently his brother hadn’t been listening, but he waved it off. He went into the garage which was about the size of an aircraft hangar. He approached his driver. “Good evening Master Sasuke. Are you heading to the studio today?”

“No. I just need you to take me where I please.”

“Of course.” The old man climbed into the driver’s seat while Sasuke went to the back of the limo.

Okay, usually people didn’t stalk form limo’s, but he’d be damned if he had to do it on foot. He gave Naruto’s address and they headed off under the orange sky.

‘Naruto used to love watching sunsets.’ He reminisced. He couldn’t believe it took him five years to make any moves at all, but he knew with guilt and sadness that Naruto would never allow him another chance, even to that day. But it didn’t mean he could allow anyone else to have his heart. Sasuke was a selfish human being, but so was everyone else. He grinned behind his fox mask.

Operation Sabotage Sabaku has commenced.

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Yeah…this is once again one of those chapters that I just don’t like…but if you like it then that’s fine.

I’m sorry if I scared some of you with my talk of ending things in the last chapter, but to make things clear, it has nothing to do with the story or the people’s response to the story. I am depressed because of the circumstances that have deemed me an unhappy human being, but I try not to whine about it, since the fortune cookie from two chapters back was really something I believe in. Anyway, all I need is support, which is all I ask.

Back to the story, hang on for some GaaNaru fluff, and some stalker madness, for Sasuke’s not the only one, hehe…things will start to get pretty emotional and not concentrate so much on humor anymore, but where would this fic be without trying to be funny eh? Anyway, expect the next chapter in maybe three or more days, but with every review I gain speed in the writing. Hope I made that bribe loud and clear.

PLEASE REVIEW!! And I have a surprise for you all at the next chapter…see ya!!

And uh…I think I need a beta. I just hate having to read and revise chapters after I write them. So if you’re interested pm me.