Square the circle

AN: I apologize, but there's no hot spring action here ^^; Sorry, I'll make it up to you somehow, later.

Reno's_Lover: heh, haven't seen that movie in loooong time.
hina88: It's dangerous, wouldn't want to wake up like that :)
Hello: Thanks, and sorry again no hot springs.
Cindy: Thank you, that means a lot to me ^^
Lemon Drops: And here you go, hopefully no more interruptions...
Mademoiselle_LaCroix: I did miss you :) And sorry again, no hot springs in this chapter.
LYNN: That's ok. Thank you for reviewing now ^^
ALD: Glad that you like it. And sorry, no hot springs ^^

Juxtathought thank you for beta reading this. *hugs really tight*

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It was raining. Not in a furious, stormy way, but still enough that it could be called rain. Iruka stood in an opening in the forest. The damp coldness was getting a hold on him, he was shivering. Last month had been the best that Iruka had had in a long time. They had done everything together—he, Kakashi and Naruto. Iruka had an album full of pictures from their days together. Kakashi had minded, at first, that they had to take Naruto with them, but he didn't say anything about it. They had gone to the hot springs, movies, restaurants, and so on. Iruka had really had fun. He hadn't had as much time alone with Kakashi as he would have wanted, but they still had the nights together.

That is, the nights when Naruto didn't stay over at Iruka's place. Then January came to its end, and Naruto left with Jiraiya. Iruka had been glum for a while, but he wasn't alone. He missed the boy already.

Ever since Kakashi's leg healed, he had been running on missions. More often than Iruka wanted to admit, he had been standing alone, waiting for a Kakashi who never showed up. Sometimes it was in front of the hot springs, sometimes at a restaurant. The problem was that with Kakashi, you could never know if he wasn't coming or if he was just late. Iruka blamed himself for blaming Kakashi. It wasn’t up for Kakashi to decide when he had to go on a mission; it really wasn't his fault. But still, it didn't mean that Iruka had to like it. While Kakashi was still recovering from his injury, they had had so much time and fun together...

Iruka faltered at his own thoughts. He couldn't possibly be hoping for Kakashi to get injured. This wasn't what he wanted from a relationship—waiting alone, never knowing when the other one would be gone, or for how long. Feeling guilty, he decided to wait for ten more minutes, and then he would go home and take a long hot shower.

The sound of footsteps came from down the path. Iruka turned to look. To his disappointment it wasn't Kakashi, but Inuzuka Hana. The woman walked unsteadily and seemed a bit drunk. She didn't have her dogs with her; she never took them with her when she went to the bar. Hana stopped and looked at Iruka before a smile came to her lips as she walked towards him.

"Iruka, long time no see," she said.

"Hana, nice to see you too," Iruka answered, mirroring her smile.

It really had been a long time since Iruka had seen her. It was nice to see that she was doing alright. Still the same wild and outgoing girl, always having fun. A year ago they had been dating, but their age difference was only one reason among many why they decided to end it. The girl was only seventeen then, and Iruka was well over twenty. It wasn't appropriate, and to top it all, they had no shared interests.

Their involvement had started at a student camp. He had asked Hana to help him with the children and go with them for a three-day camp into the forest. Iruka had figured that Hana's dogs would be a great help with keeping the kids from getting lost. And they had been. Hana had helped a lot too. Keeping the children under control and out of danger wasn't an easy job, even for skilled chunins. Hana had looked after the children from her own clan, so she was used to running after them, and she had a way of making the children respect her. She seemed to be such a serious girl.

Iruka had no idea.

One night, after putting the children to bed, they sat around the campfire. Somehow they were drawn to each other, and in no time they were fiercely kissing. Hana was really dominant and wild. They did it for the first time right then and there. It was something that Iruka had never experienced before. Hana could be so demanding and rough. He had never fucked anyone so bestially. Hana had really brought the animal out of him. And if Hana wanted something, she usually got it.

For some time, Iruka thought that she just wanted to have sex. No matter with who, she just wanted it, but that wasn't the case. Hana had had her eyes on the quiet teacher long before that night.

They started dating. At first, it was just heated sex. Sometimes, Iruka missed how uncomplicated it had been. When Iruka tried to have a real relationship with the girl, they found out that they had nothing in common. They continued the affair anyway for some time until the lust between them slowly died. They came to the inevitable conclusion and broke up.

"What are you doing standing here alone in the rain?" Hana asked.

"I'm waiting for someone," Iruka answered.

"Oh, so you’re dating?"

"Yeah."

"Is it serious?"

"I believe it is."

"That's a shame," Hana smirked.

"How about you, are you seeing someone?" Iruka asked.

"No one in particular," Hana answered, and Iruka knew well what she meant. She probably had few fuck-buddies, but she wasn't dating any one of them. It would take quite a man to satisfy Hana by himself. And Iruka, if anyone, knew it.

"Looks like she's not coming," said Hana.

"Yeah, looks like he's not."

"He?" asked Hana, raising a brow.

"Yes, he," Iruka answered, blushing lightly.

"I didn't know you liked men," Hana said in her easy-going style.

"Well, I don't in general, but I like this one," Iruka answered, blushing more.

"And who is he? Maybe I could get you to join me in a little threesome..." Hana flirted.

Iruka thought for a moment. He got a really visual image of Hana naked on the bed and Kakashi...

"Hatake Kakashi," Iruka said quietly.

"No way! Really? I'd love to see that man in action!" Hana was clearly excited. "And if I remember correctly, you aren't bad yourself. We really could have some fun," she continued, not waiting for an answer from Iruka.

"I bet you're the uke. I can't see Kakashi submitting to anyone..." she babbled. Iruka blushed more.

Hana staggered right into Iruka's arms. The woman was so light and warm as she leaned against him, her eyes peering deeply into his. Iruka felt something jolt inside him. She wound her arm around Iruka's neck and pulled him into a kiss. She tasted of sugar and bitter alcohol. Iruka dipped his tongue inside her mouth. He could feel the bestial lust lift its head inside him. The moment felt like eternity. Then suddenly, Iruka came to his senses. He grabbed the girl’s shoulders and pushed her away.

"No, this is wrong," he almost shouted, more to himself that to Hana. "I'm involved with someone, I can't be doing this," Iruka turned around to walk home.

Then he saw him…Kakashi…standing in the rain, petrified. Slowly, Kakashi turned around and began to walk away.

"Kakashi! Wait!" Iruka shouted and ran after him. Kakashi kept on walking as Iruka reached him. Iruka took Kakashi by his shoulder and turned him around.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it to happen... she just... she just kissed me!" Iruka tried to explain. Kakashi didn't say anything. His blue eye stared at him with a stone cold expression. It bore into Iruka's soul. The look in Kakashi's eye was telling him to back off, telling him that Kakashi was erasing Iruka from his heart.

"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me. I-I-I..." Iruka's voice trailed away.

"There is nothing you can say," said Kakashi. His voice was cold, unfeeling. Then he turned around and walked away, leaving Iruka standing in the rain.

Somehow, Iruka made his way home. He sat on the floor without taking his jacket or his shoes off. He just sat there and stared at the wall. He was shivering, the wet clothes sticking to his skin and the coldness was all he could feel. He sat there and stared at the wall in shock-like daze. What had happened? He couldn't quite comprehend it yet.

After a while, he stripped his clothes and took a shower. The hot water burned his cold skin. He stood there, letting the water burn him. Then the pain crept in. He collapsed on the floor. He laid there on the hard tile, water spreading warmth into his cold muscles. Then the tears came. He cried and hit the floor with his fists. How did this happen? Why did he kiss her? This really can't be happening! It all felt so unreal, like it was all just a haze, a nightmare.

It hurt so badly—the way Kakashi had looked at him. It was like his whole world had shattered into a million little pieces. It would have been so much better if Kakashi had yelled at him. If he had just told him what an asshole he was. If he had just shown any kind of feeling. If he had hit him. Shouted at him. If they had just fought through it…but no, Kakashi's eye bore no hatred. There was no emotion in it. No emotion at all.

Iruka cried, he screamed, he hit the floor until his hands bled. He cried until he ran out of tears. The pain just didn't go away. The hurt that came from loosing the one thing he loved the most. How could he do this to Kakashi? He really loved the man. He couldn't move. The pain was crippling, paralyzing. He just laid there, naked on the floor.

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