Role Play

A/N: Love meh, for I am back again. I apologise for the wait, but I’m home from school and I don’t know when I’ll be getting internet access. Until I do, postings may be a bit sporadic. Thanks for all the wonderful feedback. I am glad so many of you enjoyed the bonus in the last chapter. To reiterate, that bonus had nothing to do with the main story. Anyway- Onward to chapter 9!

Disclaimer/Info: I do not own or have any affiliation with any of the bands or songs mentioned in the chapter. The ‘Lawn song’ is a parody of the ‘Thong song’ and is sung to the same tune. It aired on a radio program. If you are too young to know the ‘Thong song’; then you are too young to be reading this fic, you chibi-pervert! Yeah, I’m talking to you with the ‘oh-no-she-didn’t’ expression and the Barbie dream house in the background! Does your momma know you’re sitting there, rooting for hot, bishounen man-sex? I didn’t think so! I will not be held responsible for the sexy corruption of your soul! Go on now!

Mood music: Metallica- ‘Enter Sandman
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Gama-chan croaked to a stop the same time Sakura’s Slug slid to a halt in the hospital’s parking lot. Naruto and Sakura then jogged up to the hospital’s entrance together.

“What’s going on?” Naruto asked as he cast a worried gaze at Sakura.

“Don’t know…got paged the same time you did, I guess. Are you okay? You look like you’ve been run over by a truck.” Naruto grimaced.

“I’m pretty sure I have been. And I have a sinking feeling that the driver is about to fling it into reverse.”

They pushed through the entrance and ran straight into Kabuto. Before they could ask, the spectacled man quickly provided the necessary information.

“Huge accident on the expressway, a trailer jack-knifed and then all hell broke loose. Multiple causalities and we’re the closest hospital. It’s going to be rough; the numbers keep climbing…” Naruto and Sakura both winced. “Tsunade-sama is calling in everyone she can.”

“Are you kidding me, it’s that bad?”

“Hey, when it rains shit, it floods. Grab some scrubs and dive in!” Kabuto replied wryly and the three pushed through the double doors into the emergency room.
--

It would be eight hours before Naruto and Sakura were able to the creep into the Residents’ Bay, and collapse onto a couple of the single beds.

“I just want to go home and sleep until next week.” Sakura muttered into her pillow, as she tensed and released the muscles in her shoulders.

“All the best with that plan… our shift officially starts in two and a half hours. And you know we are going to get paged at least twice before then.” Sakura looked over at her friend, and watched as he tiredly rubbed his face.

“Hey, so how did things go earlier…when you went over to Sasuke’s? Did you guys come to a conclusion?” Naruto grimaced for the umpteenth time that day.

“Well, I came to a conclusion and I’m sure he came to a conclusion. I’m fairly certain that our conclusions aren’t the least bit compatible. But that in itself is probably conclusive.”

“What?”

“I’m tired and babbling. I’ll tell you all about it later Sakura-chan.”

Naruto had been right on the money about being paged twice before their shift started. Sakura looked as if she had been run over by a train. She glanced over at Naruto and glared. With a total of 45 minutes of sleep, Naruto could run a marathon. His stamina and recovery time were beyond annoying. One of the nurses, that wanted to test that legendary stamina, sauntered up.

“Uzumaki-sama…” The young woman exhaled his name. “…you have a patient waiting for you in room 8.”

“Thank you, Hana.” The nurse smiled as she playfully twisted her hair.

“No problem, doctor. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.” Sakura rolled her eyes. She was surprised that the girl hadn’t ripped her clothes off and tried to hump Naruto into submission.

Naruto allowed himself a smirk as he watched the girl walk away; her behind moving rhythmically under the smooth, white uniform. The nurse had looked back to ensure she had his attention, and proceeded to work her walk even more. Naruto’s smirk was about to explode into a leer, when a punch almost broke his arm.

“Ow! Why are you hitting me?!”

“Stop leering like a perverted old man and get to work!” Sakura huffed and stomped off. Men; they were incorrigible.

Naruto pushed open the room door and gaped at the individual inside. “AAH, it’s you!” Just as he was about to move towards the patient, an intern interrupted him.

The patient stopped meditating and opened calm green eyes. Watching Naruto steadily, the man allowed his shoulders to relax somewhat, keeping his arms crossed before him. He then slowly blinked; twice. You would have to know him, but this was his version of going wild with excitement.

Naruto finally finished with the nurse and launched himself at the still and silent young man. The latter braced, but could not avoid toppling backwards as Naruto glomped him.

“GAARA!!”

“Uzumaki Naruto…” Naruto seemed to remember Gaara’s patient-status and quickly got off him, allowing the man to sit upright.

“My bad, my bad! I shouldn’t do something like that until I know how you are! You okay, I didn’t hurt you did I?” Naruto rubbed the back of his head and grinned before peering at his patient. Gaara allowed himself a small smile and shook his head.

“I am fine. I just came in for my usual check up. The council insists on it.”

“Ah, I see. Well, let’s get it out of the way then.” Naruto equipped his stethoscope and proceed to sound his friend. “You know the drill.”

Gaara grunted and began to breathe deeply. After a while Naruto spoke up again.
“You got any sleep?”

“Yeah and I needed it.”

“Not a lot?”

“Just a little bit. Someone’s always trying to keep me from it.”

“That’s a crying shame…”

“It’s a royal pain in the neck.” The insomniac agreed, as Naruto quickly finished up the examination.

“Are things going well in the Suna?”

“As well as can be expected… Are you coming back with me, this time?” Gaara asked succinctly.

“With the way things are going here, I just might!” Naruto said, hauling a chair up to the bed and plopping down.

Naruto could never figure out what it was about him that attracted the brooding, socially deviant, genius types. And they all had the same pattern too. They would abuse and insult him, (or just stare at him intently, in Gaara’s case) while they stuck to him like glue. Then in a completely random moment, go love-struck rapist on him. It was happening with Sasuke now, it had happened with Neji in college; and in high school, it had been Gaara.
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Gaara was beyond the quintessential Goth kid. He transcended all the stereotypical standards. He was so Goth, he didn’t even have to wear black or dye his hair; opting for earth tones and keeping his equally effective, rust-coloured hair. Rumours abounded as to what the large gourd he kept strapped to his back contained. The general consensus was that it held the ashes of all Gaara’s victims.

Everyone was scared stiff of him, and for good reason. He had a violent temper that was liable to snap a moment’s notice. One second he would be deadpan and emotionless; completely aloof in his silence. The next, he would be lashing out; easily levelling a classroom with almost inhuman strength, while having a rage fit. He also had a unique brand of sadism. Despite the boy’s obvious emotional problems, no one dared say a word about it. Gaara was basically royalty.

When the rest of Japan ended the feudal era, one country retained the principles of the defunct government form. They held on to the concept of a daimyo and continued the tradition of a single ruler; coming to power via a bloodline inheritance. The Wind Country, home of the Suna, held to one leader; despite the changes in the surrounding countries. Being one of the strongest military powers in Japan at the time, no one dared make fun of them for it. Gaara was the next in line as ruler; and in spite of attending school in Konoha, had the privilege of being above the laws of the Fire Country. While Gaara’s father was aware of his son’s emotional problems, he retained the right to be the sole person to punish Gaara for any infraction.

Naruto and Gaara paths had not crossed until a fateful gym session. Their coach had had the brilliant idea to play dodge-ball, one of the more pain filled ‘sports’ out there. Gaara had gotten a hold of the ball, and in a less than a minute, his randomly selected target was crumpled on the floor, clutching a bleeding and broken nose. Udon had complained to Konohamaru, who in turn, had complained to Naruto. Later, the blond had found his object of his fury on the roof of the school. Gaara had been mildly surprised when a fist propelled him a short distance, across the roof. He then found himself being straddled, threatened, and screamed at by a loud force of nature.

“What the hell is your problem, huh?!” Gaara, fortunately, had already worked off most of his violent energy. So instead of murdering Naruto, he had simply answered him. He told the other boy exactly what his problems were, to the best of his knowledge. He never had a problem answering questions, it was just that hardly anybody stopped long enough to ask any.

By the time Gaara was finished, Naruto was sitting on the roof beside him, listening in empathetic astonishment. They both found out how much they had in common: mothers who had died, cursing their existence; fathers who had marked them for life in unique ways; and mostly a profound sense of being alone. Their approaches to their life situations had been different, but they were coming from the same place.

“So, what exactly is in that gourd anyway?” Naruto asked at length; moving to lean against one of the water towers as Gaara watched him warily.

“Sand from home; any good memories I have are from there, so I take some with me. Also, my mother’s ashes are mixed in.” Gaara was even more surprised that Naruto had not run screaming from the roof after hearing that.

“Dude, isn’t all that stuff heavy?” Naruto meant in more ways than one. “I mean, if you want some good memories, I guess you should just make new ones.” Gaara had only blinked at him and wondered why he hadn’t killed him yet. Naruto stood and extended a hand. “Come on…I’ll help you.” Gaara watched the outstretched hand for minute, trying to see the trick behind it. A moment later, he took it.
--
From that point on, Naruto appeared to surgically attach Gaara to his hip. Naruto’s friends found themselves wondering if the hyperactive boy was worth the aggravation. Sasuke was bad enough: he was antisocial, condescending and brooding; but at least he wasn’t a freaking psychopath. Well, not to their knowledge.

Lunches were particularly strained. Gaara’s penetrating gaze would focus on one arbitrary person, reducing him or her to a nervous, blubbering wreck. Naruto had to put all his charm into hyper-drive; just to smooth things over. It took a while, but eventually, due in part to the dramatic reduction in rage fits, everyone started to warm up. Well everyone except one person.

Sasuke’s displeasure at this new arrangement had known no bounds. It was bad enough that Naruto and Gaara had the same timetable (Sasuke taking a few advanced classes) but now they were having sleepovers.

Naruto had let Gaara share his bed since his futon was unfit for human use. Gaara had lain beside Naruto, closed his eyes and opened them to see his friend staring anxiously and holding a mirror under his nose.

“What?” Gaara had inquired, wondering where all this light had suddenly come from. Naruto had sighed in relief.

“Dude, I thought you were dead! I was using this mirror to see if you were breathing.”

“I slept?” That was the closest Gaara would ever come to sounding incredulous.

“I wouldn’t say you slept; it was more like you slipped into a coma. You’ve been asleep for fourteen hours. I was afraid you had chosen my house to die… or hibernate.”

Hence, the sleepovers became regular. Naruto told Sasuke he didn’t mind it; he lived alone, so he loved the company. That Gaara chose to use him as a human teddy-bear; could not be helped. Sasuke’s mood had deteriorated rapidly after that little confession.

Sasuke didn’t register on Gaara’s radar whatsoever. The latter did observe that his friend had a strange relationship with the brooding, dark-haired boy, one that seemed to border on domestic abuse. However, since Naruto appeared satisfied with it, Gaara paid it no mind. He only took an active interest after he witnessed an altercation. The dark-haired one had seemed even more abusive than usual; harsh by even Gaara’s standards. He also saw that it had left Naruto markedly confused and distressed.

“I shall kill him for you.” Gaara had later stated, as he attempted to down one of Naruto’s instant ramen meals.

“Um, what?”

“The dark-haired one. I shall kill him for you. He is your friend, so it will be fairly clean. I will wait until he sleeps, fill his airways with wet sand and watch him struggle for breath. When he awakes, I will then cut…”

“Whoa! You can’t kill Sasuke!” Naruto flailed about, almost poking out an eye with a chopstick.

“There is no need for concern.” Gaara continued tonelessly. “I have diplomatic immunity.”

“Oh… well… I guess that’s different then.” Naruto slurped his noodles, as he appeared to mull things over. “What am I doing?! I don’t want you to kill him!”

“Are you sure? I can make it painless. Well, comparatively painless.”
“Yes, I’m sure. Hmm, diplomatic immunity though. That’s pretty good to know…”
--

Gaara and Sasuke had never said a word to each other. This would have continued until the day Gaara left, were it not for just ten, fateful words. Sasuke had been waiting for Naruto, leaning against one of the trees at the front of the academy. Gaara had walked up, coming to a halt directly in front the darker boy.

“Uchiha Sasuke…” Gaara received a look that would have blasted a lesser person into the outer regions of the stratosphere. “Our friend, he loves me more than you.”

And those ten, sincerely spoken words, precipitated one of the most epic fistfights the Konoha Academy would ever witness. It took two teachers and three upperclassmen to pull them apart. This was all to the background music of Sasuke’s fangirls, screaming and bemoaning the bruising of his perfect face. Neither of the boys would tell Naruto what had happened.
--

It had not been long after the fight that Gaara’s father had died; making him the new daimyo of the Wind Country. The night before Gaara was scheduled to leave, Naruto was awakened by wet, splotching noises against his window. Someone was flinging wet sand at it. Naruto had a fair idea who.

Opening his window, Naruto ducked to avoid getting hit with another sopping clod. The boy downstairs was swaying slightly.

“Hey Gaara, the key should be in its usual place. What are you doing out there?” It quickly became apparent that Gaara was, at the very least, stone-drunk.

“Uzumaki Naruto…” Gaara slurred, raised a finger and pointed to the general area; somewhere to Naruto’s left. “There are things to be said!”

Naruto watched in fascination, as the other boy inhaled and opened his mouth. Then, out of the depths of Gaara’s soul, spewed forth some of the most god-awful poetry ever to abuse an innocent man’s ears. Naruto struggled to keep a straight face as phrases such as ‘eyes as blue as toilet water’, came forth. The serenade became increasingly macabre as Gaara lovingly mentioned: mangled limbs, suicide pacts, desert coffins and funerals. And that was just from the prepared material. You didn’t want to hear what was said once Gaara started ad-libbing. At length, one of Naruto’s neighbours chimed in.

“For the love of mercy and decency, man! Are you insane?! What are you, some kind of serial killer? My kids are pissing their beds in terror over here! Shut up, before I call the police!” Gaara, as anyone would be, was very sensitive at this point. Hence, he was affronted by the lack of appreciation for his heartfelt and artistic confession.

“You have no taste, and for that you will die! Tell me your name! I am adding you to my list!”

Gaara wasn’t joking, he did have a list. From the original he had then, only one name is still present on the list he has now. But it is only a matter of time before he gets that singing, dancing, purple freak of a dinosaur. Yeah, you know who you are... … … Barney. (1)
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As Naruto finished his examination of Gaara, Ino spotted them through the glass window and called Sakura over.

“Hey, isn’t that Gaara?” Sakura peeked in, and nodded.

“That’s him all right…he’s still rocking that eye-shadow. Sleep rings, my ass.”

“Wow, he has gotten even hotter since high school. The ‘no-eyebrows’ thing kind of works for him...” Ino said dreamily.

“Ino, you’re a married woman!”

“So what? The ring’s on my finger, not on my eyes.” Rin and a nurse came up and joined in the conversation.

“Is it ‘ogle-at-Naruto’ time already? Hey, who’s the tattooed hottie?” Rin asked as she sipped on a soda.

“An old high-school friend; who also happens to be the daimyo of Wind Country.”

“Get out! That’s Gaara of the Desert? I thought he’d be older, and more cranky-looking. Is he single?” Another nurse chimed in.

“Yes, but good luck with that. He probably has ‘property of Naruto’, stamped all over his nether regions.” Sakura stated dryly.

“Oh come on- him too?! What is it with these guys? Is a vagina really that terrifying?” Rin stated exasperatedly.

“Heh no, it’s the Naruto-fever babe, no one is immune.” Ino giggled as Rin rolled her eyes and shrugged her agreement.

Gaara looked up from Naruto to see the gathering of women, whispering, giggling and staring at them.

“We have an audience.” Naruto looked back at the window, grinned and waved. All the women, except Sakura and Ino, flushed and quickly scattered.

“That always happens when I stay in one place too long.” Naruto shrugged apologetically at his friend.

“Popular you have become, Naruto.”

“Do you realize, that every once in a while, you start talking like Yoda?” Gaara shrugged.

“Kankuro has pointed that out to me. I can’t help it.”
--

Sakura and Ino were still outside when Temari walked up. “Sakura, Ino…”

“Temari! I was wondering where you were” Temari sighed.

“You know, it’s bad enough that Konoha is renowned for its medical prowess. Can you imagine how demoralizing it is for our doctors, that the daimyo travels all the way here for a check-up? It’s not like I can say ‘cheer up guys, it’s not you. He just wants to get felt up by his high-school crush!” Ino and Sakura smiled sympathetically.

“Oi where is Shikamaru? He hasn’t spoken to Chouji in about four days now.”

Temari sighed again. “He’s been…busy.”

“Busy? Doing what?!” Ino and Sakura asked together in astonishment.

“Well…”

Shikamaru sighed and slid down further into his chair. Around him, several other men were lounging about in similar poses as they all waited.

‘Troublesome’ Shikamaru thought as he stared at the clouds, which were ironically painted onto the ceiling. A moment later, a young man bounded in, a ball of energy reminiscent of a certain blond friend.

“Hi everybody! And welcome to the Society for the Apathetic, Lazy and Disinterested- or simply, welcome to SALAD!”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and continued staring at ceiling.

“Today we have a new member! Nara Shikamaru-san! Let’s give him a huge welcome!”

Shikamaru guessed that the grumbling sounds and general murmuring, were what passed as a warm welcome in a group like SALAD.

“He is a certified genius, and the reigning world champion of Shougi!” The ‘genius’ part didn’t stir much enthusiasm, but the ‘world champion’ title caught everyone’s attention.

“You’re a world champion at something?” One bored-looking man spoke up. “Don’t you have to, like, do stuff, to become a world champion?”

“Not really…” Shikamaru replied. “I usually figure out all the moves within the first two minutes of a match. After that, I take the maximum amount of time to move. Not only does it drive my opponent crazy; it guarantees rest while playing.”

Now that impressed the crowd. The group leader quickly took back the session. Only a fraction of the scheduled class ever showed up. They were all married men, whose wives nagged them until they came.

“Well, since Nara-san is the newest member, he gets to go first in the session. Nara-san, just what is it that brings you to partake of SALAD?”

Shikamaru sighed and answered. “The lawn…”

Shikamaru quickly realized he was truly among his people; from the understanding looks he received from all the members. The group-leader, however, was confused by the two-word answer.

“The lawn?” Shikamaru was irritated- now he would have to explain a self-evident thing.

“Well, it’s like this…” Cue the thong song music!

Shikamaru:
The grass is long, it looks a mess. And though I gotta mow it, I can’t handle it.
See, I’m about as lazy as you can get! And I don’t feel like working up a sweat.
You push and you push, and you push a lot. And the next thing you know, the afternoon is shot!
Ugh, I’d rather be just popping a top; and I don’t mean on a can of soda! (Hassled!husbands murmur their agreement)
It’s just a drag, drag, drag! First you do the front, then you do the back!
My wife nags; to have me mow that La-wn!

Hassled!Husbands (mimicking their wives, in perfect acapella):
“Get up off your butt, and do lawn. Get up off your fanny, and do that lawn!

Shikamaru/ Harried!husbands:
OH PLEASE!/ I don’t really want to mow- that lawn, la-lawn, lawn-lawn.
Can’t I let the grass grow? Or maybe pay someone to…/ “Noooooooooo!!”
So to SALAD then, I had to go… or mow the lawn, la-lawn lawn-lawn.

The group leader watched slack-jawed as the men slumped- exhausted after their impromptu karaoke session. What the hell just happened?

“And that’s what he’s doing…” Temari finished as Ino and Sakura stared at her, bug-eyed.
“SALAD?!”

“Don’t ask, okay! I was desperate. The only things Shikamaru is interested in, are Shougi and sex!”
--

Back in the examination room, Naruto caught sight of his watch and frowned.
“You have to go?”

“Yeah, I have six hours of clinic duty to work off, before I leave. You aren’t heading back to the Suna now are you? I could meet up with you later and then take tomorrow off and hang with you. I’ll show you all the new stuff you’ve missed!”

“Fine then. I will wait for you.” Gaara said concisely, purposely using a double entendre. Naruto just grinned and headed out.
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Sasuke watched the bubbling liquid before him; eyes gleaming as the last added ingredient, swirled and dissolved. He eyed the yellowed, crumpled parchment the old woman had given him. It outlined all his instructions and he made sure to follow them to the letter.

This had better work. It has to work…

Finally, the last ingredient was thrown in; and the correct amount of time had elapsed. Sasuke spooned the blood-red liquid into a container and stared at it. A few residual bubbles, rose and popped at the surface. That old woman had better be right.

Exhaling in a huff, Sasuke steeled himself and prepared to drink. It’s worth it… I have to try.

Cautiously, he took a sip and waited. He took another and another, until at length, the container was empty. Hmm, interesting…

Her tomato soup recipe was better than the Uchiha family’s secret recipe. Good thing he had bought it. Now, he was ready for the next family reunion.

But enough of delicious and nourishing meals! Now it’s on to getting Naruto.

TBC…
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Additional Disclaimer: The views expressed by Gaara, are not necessarily the views of the author. In fact, she goes as far as to say- that she has nothing but love, for the singing, dancing, purple freak of a dinosaur!
Gaara: WHAT! YOU made me say it!
Additional Disclaimer: The author has absolutely no recollection of any events, as described above.
Gaara: You’re a goddamn hypocritical sell-out!
KK: Bite me, beach boy! You’re fictional! If I get sued, there wouldn’t be enough sand in the Suna, to cover my ass!


A/N: Before you NaruSasuNaru shippers get huffy: No, I’m not putting in any Gaara/Naruto action. This was the last of my indulgencies as they concern bringing in the other canon characters. I just had to bring in my baby! Kawaii, sexy Gaara-chan! (Huggles him, receives a death glare and gets sand in her clothes). So if you are a Gaara-fan, this chapter was for you! And I had to bring in everybody’s favourite genius too! Well, that pretty much covers everybody I give a hoot about… including those who only got transient mentions; like Sai and Kakashi. So no more of that, and I will be completely focusing on our favourite rivals and their relationship. Hot man-sex? Eh, who knows?
Speaking of which, for those complaining about the lack of man-loving in this chapter…well…I honestly didn’t see a decent opportunity to pen one in. Besides, that bonus in the last chapter should still be tiding you over, right? (Someone revs a chainsaw. O.O;) I intend to write chapter 10. This presumption on my part, is for no other reason, but the fact that I hate odd numbers (except for multiples of 5). I could have stopped at a ‘3’ or a ‘7’, but to end at a ‘9’ would kill me. At the end of chapter 10, you will once again be the decision-makers as to whether or not I continue.
I really hope you enjoyed this post- the NaruSasu picks up exponentially from here, I promise.
However, for the time being, I’m going to have to leave my house, take a taxi, get into town, find an ISP; then pay to use the net- just to post these chapters. No, I’m not kidding- I wish I were. You know what that means? I am going to need motivation to get my butt moving…like seriously (wibbles for reviews). Love you all! Until next time!