Constructive Possession

A/N: Response to Kiba’s angst has been mixed: of those who commented, a few don’t like it, but most love it! Thank you for the enthusiasm. For the record, I love Kiba Inuzuka! We’ll be exploring Kiba’s evolution again in this chapter before we find out what the geniuses are doing with the rest of their weekend on the yacht.

Curtis Zidane Zaraa, you’ll get your OOC Hiashi and Shikaku. Yoshino I’m not so sure about. I am sedating her canon characterization a bit for the fic because it wouldn’t fit otherwise. I hope you find it entertaining nonetheless.

Nite Nite, you’ll get more Kiba and more Shikamaru and Neji action. Unfortunately Kiba won’t be naked next time. I’m tossing around some side-fic ideas to focus on Kiba’s progression (and his eventual lemon-related nudity); perhaps you’d like to brainstorm them with me.

Many thanks to all my reviewers for your continuing support.

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Warning: unbeta’d; language; angst; WAFF; hurt/comfort; yaoi

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Kiba decided it was easier to just do what he’d been doing, except with Shizune by his side. So he asked her to help him get his apartment in order, and she agreed. Together they made short work of the laundry and of putting things away. By the time the sun was setting, the carpet was dry, the furniture was back in its proper place, the bed was made and the laundry was all put away. The apartment that recently resembled a pigsty had become a sparkling demonstration of obsessive compulsion. Everything was now in its place.

Kiba and Shizune lay next to each other on the bed in his bedroom watching television. The only light in the room came from the television and the setting sun. No one spoke, and they hardly moved. The windows throughout the apartment were still open and the breeze flowed unfettered.

Kiba hadn’t felt this calm and collected in a long time. What a difference having someone to share your time with made. Why hadn’t he realized how lonely he was in all this time?

Kiba was ready to make another attempt. He felt like he could, now that his apartment was clean.

“It’s getting late. I hope I haven’t kept you from anything”, he stated.

Shizune looked at him. He seemed much more relaxed now than when she’d seen him at the grocery store. But he looked tired.

“Not at all. I’ve enjoyed our time together, it’s been fun.” Shizune looked at the television again. “I’ve gotten away from spending time with people outside of work, I guess.”

“I think we both have. We’ve become automatons.”

Shizune smiled. “I never figured you for the homebody type.”

Kiba sighed. “I didn’t either until it crept up on me.”

Shizune bit her lip. There was no time like the present, since he seemed to be in the mood to talk. “When was this, exactly?”

He could tell her that. It would be easy.

“About a week ago”, he stated. Kiba remembered it only too well. He had a conversation, followed by a revelation, followed by the crazy breakdown he now found himself in the eye of, the one he was trying with all his might to talk his way clear of.

“What happened, Kiba?” Shizune asked.

Kiba could feel her eyes on him. He picked up the remote and turned off the television. The volume from the bustle outside the windows increased sharply. The Inuzuka looked down, playing with the class ring on his right hand.

“I, uh…I have a crush.” Kiba waited for Shizune to respond. When she didn’t, he continued. “On a guy”, he stated, biting his lip. “On several, I think.”

The sound of his confession rang in his hears. He laughed nervously. Somehow it didn’t sting as much as he thought it would to say it.

“Is this new for you? Having a guy crush, I mean?” Shizune asked.

Kiba’s head turned sharply in her direction. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Kiba, it’s just a question.” Shizune was actually smiling. She wasn’t going to tell him, but she found his confession something of a turn-on. Kiba crushing on another guy? She wondered to herself if the guy was a cop, like Kiba.

Hot guys with guns, making out, Shizune thought to herself. Ooooh.

Kiba watched her smiling at him. “You think this is a joke?” he asked.

“I—no, Kiba, I just…I want to understand.” Shizune’s smile wilted some.

“What do you not understand? I’m confessing to you that I think I’ve become--gay, or bi, or something, and you’re sitting there smiling at me!”

“Well, I’m sorry, Kiba, I don’t mean to offend you but I don’t see a reason for tears.”

Kiba got up from the bed then, turning to her. “Are you kidding? I’m a guy! I’m a—freaking cop! I can’t be—gay! I can’t be bi—“

“Well why not?” she asked. She honestly didn’t understand his pathos. Shizune had been working with male officers for years who managed well while being gay or bisexual. Heck, she’d suspected his shift commander of riding the fence, at the very least, for years. A guy with one red eye who always wore a mask over his mouth just couldn’t be straight.

“I’m a cop, Shizune.”

She got up from the bed then. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Shizune shook her head. “No, you didn’t. Where is it written that cops aren’t allowed to be gay or bisexual? Is there some sort of code someplace that I haven’t been briefed on?”

Kiba turned away from her. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Why not?” Shizune asked, placing her hand on his shoulder. She could feel that his tension had returned. “Because I’m not a cop or because I’m a woman?”

Kiba couldn’t answer the question. He didn’t know how. Of all the things the Inuzuka might have expected upon confessing, seeing her smile and hearing her tell him it was nothing had not been one of them. Shizune had thrown him a curve ball with her reaction.

“Kiba what are you so afraid of?”

There it was—the proverbial $64,000 question.

Kiba took a deep breath and, armed with the fortitude he’d mustered today as a result of cleaning his living space of all things, responded. Because he wanted to. Because he needed, after all this time, to finally get it off his chest.

“I’m afraid the karma resulting from any and every prick-like thing I did as a result of living in denial will come back to me threefold. I’m afraid my colleagues will stop inviting me to happy hour after our shift. I’m afraid I won’t know how to deal with getting hit on by guys. I’m afraid that I’m more afraid I won’t get hit on by guys. I’m afraid I’ve misled every single woman I’ve ever taken to bed. I’m afraid I’ll become that pervy freak who’s always making lewd suggestions and trying to touch guys on their private parts. I’m afraid that every man, woman and child who ever called me a mama’s boy because I was raised by my mother and older sister was dead on the money. I’m afraid I may already have legitimate feelings for at least two men who I already know aren’t interested in me, and not because I know they’re straight. I’m afraid I’ll have to stop being a cop. I’m afraid I’ll be a receiver until they bury me in the ground.”

Kiba looked up at Shizune with eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I’m afraid I’m a fraud, and that I’ve pissed away my life in denial and that I’ll die alone. I’m tired of being alone, Shizune. But I’m so afraid of taking that next step. I don’t know what to do.” Kiba couldn’t stop the tears from falling then.

“I’m so confused.”

The full impact of Kiba’s pathos stunned Shizune. She walked over to him, pressing her body into his and rocking with him as he sobbed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Shikamaru awoke this time, it was dark.

He was swaddled again. No surprises there. He looked to either side of him, but his lover was again MIA¹. The glass of water and aspirin station was manned, and clean pants were lying across the bed near the Nara’s feet.

Shikamaru un-swaddled himself, donned his pants, took his aspirin, and gingerly went in search of his lover.

Gingerly, because his ass and back were so sore.

What on earth had gotten into the man? Not that Neji wasn’t usually enthusiastic; the pair had a fabulous sex life, Shikamaru had to admit. The Hyuuga was an extremely attentive, highly erotic, profoundly powerful force in bed. Shikamaru was never left wanting. Since they arrived on the yacht, however, Neji seemed particularly enthusiastic. Was it being on the water that affected him this way? The Nara didn’t know.

But he was determined to figure it out before Neji’s enthusiasm became the death of him.

Shikamaru’s reconnaissance efforts were slower due to the amount of physical pain he was in. Regardless, he did find his lover on the deck of the yacht. He was also startled to discover the boat not longer docked at the pier, but anchored in open water.

The lights from the yacht cast a glow on the water around it. The Nara found his lover standing against the railing, looking out into the vast expanse of darkness. A gentle breeze blew through his long, lush, dark hair.

Shikamaru thought he looked like a dream standing there.

“Hey”, he called out.

Neji turned around, a smile breaking across his face. “You’re awake.”

“Yes, finally”, Shikamaru responded. “The next time you might not be so lucky.”

Shikamaru walked into the waiting arms of his lover, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. This is Heaven, right here, the Nara thought to himself.

“I can’t believe I slept through this”, the shorter man announced. “How far out are we?”

“Oh, we’re almost a straight line out about three miles. Look.” Shikamaru looked in the direction of Neji’s finger pointing back at the pier. Sure enough, there was illumination in the distance.

“I thought we could eat out here tonight, under the stars. You must be insanely hungry.”

“I am”, Shikamaru responded, “And dinner had better be soon, since I’ve already taken more aspirin on an empty stomach.”

Neji smiled. “I’ve got you covered. Are you in the mood for meat or fish?”

“At this point it only has to be edible.”

Neji chuckled. “Come on, then. Take the chaise; it will be easier on your backside. I’ll be right back.”

Shikamaru walked over to the familiar chaise and gingerly made himself comfortable there while Neji went inside.

The Nara looked up at the sky. Indeed, it was cloudless and starry. He sighed, thinking that he was looking up at the same starry night he’d seen before, except that he was doing it from a chaise lounge on the deck of a yacht anchored in open water and that somehow, it made the starry night seem…starrier.

Shikamaru smiled, closed his eyes, and gave himself to the moment, to the gentle breeze, the lull of the engines, the call of the birds and the calming lap of the water, locking it in his memory.

A short while later, the sound of footsteps made Shikamaru open his eyes. He turned his head to find Neji walking toward him with a large tray in his hands. The Nara adjusted his chaise so that he was sitting upright and waited.

“Set this on that table”, Neji directed, handing the large, covered silver tray to Shikamaru, who took with both hands. Wordlessly, he set the tray on the table between the two chaises. Neji left again, returning shortly with another tray. He set it down on the other chaise and left again, this time returning with a short table.

Neji set the table between the chaises in the same position as the other table, and then moved the tray from the chaise to the second table.

Shikamaru smelled meat.

“Is that steak?” he asked. His stomach was already viciously responding to the scent.

“Mm”, the Hyuuga responded, making himself comfortable on the other chaise and spreading his napkin across his lap. “There’s also chicken and fish.”

Neji uncovered the large silver tray. Indeed the tray was covered with sashimi, slices of what appeared to be seasoned, medium rare steak and cutlets of chicken breast. There was also an array of sliced vegetables and fruit chunks.

“What are you drinking?” Neji asked.

“You tell me, I’ll pour”, Shikamaru responded, taking note of the second tray holding the junmai-shu and a pot of green tea.

“You don’t have to do that”, Neji told him.

Shikamaru smiled. “Hey, after sleeping through what must have been a beautiful afternoon and not helping out with dinner, it’s the very least I could do.”

“I thought we both agreed you needed your rest, Shikamaru”, was Neji’s cheeky response.

“Yeah, well, sometimes I wonder if I didn’t get more rest as an insomniac.”

Neji quirked a brow. “Is that a complaint?”

Shikamaru made a face then. “You wish.”

Neji chuckled at this, making the decision to pick up the teapot and pour a cup of tea. He then set the teapot back on the tray in favor of the sake pitcher, pouring out a cup of it as well.

He set the sake pitcher down and grabbed the cups of tea and sake, handing the teacup to his lover, who took it wordlessly.

“Kanpai”, they spoke in unison, each raising their cup and taking a sip before setting the cups aside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Their dinner was a very informal matter. Each man picked the food directly from the tray using ornate custom chopsticks given to Neji’s uncle by a grateful client. Chaise lounges were reclined at a position that facilitated ease of drinking and dining while at the same time allowing them to gaze up at the night sky.

“This feels like a dream”, Shikamaru announced between succulent bites, “up to and including my sore ass.”

Neji smiled, looking over at his lover. “You’re welcome.”

At Neji’s comment, they both laughed aloud.

“Hey, Neji”, Shikamaru began, “when did you know you preferred men?”

“When I realized my need for you was more than just an emotional one”, Neji responded without pause.

Shikamaru’s movements stilled. “Really?” he asked.

“You sound surprised”, Neji commented.

“It’s because I’m surprised, Neji. You told me you were gay².”

Neji downed his sake, and then looked at his lover. “I did not”, he deadpanned.

“Sure you did, on our first night together. That was only a month ago, Neji; don’t make me go all girly on you and get pissed because you don’t remember.”

“I remember well our first night together”, the Hyuuga responded. “I did not tell you I was gay; I asked if you would still want to be my partner if you knew that I was.”

“Well, the question is pretty much moot, isn’t it?”

“It is now. It wasn’t when I asked you the question.”

“Because you weren’t gay then?” Shikamaru seemed confused.

“Because I didn’t consider my preference at the time.” Neji sighed. “Shikamaru, no one in my family ever had a ‘sexual preference’, not by conventional interpretation. We were obligated to be…whatever a situation demanded. Yes, I’d been with men and women before you and I became lovers, but it was always because of a duty to my family.” Neji gave his lover a moment to process, and then added, “You were the first lover I ever chose.”

Shikamaru’s mind was racing. He had never heard anything like that before, ever. “So your childhood was spent being studded out as a member of the Hyuuga stable.”

“Crudely put, but yes. My…father and uncle shared that fate as well.”

Shikamaru was aghast. How could a family exploit its own that way? What about Neji’s virginity? Was nothing sacred? And to learn that after all that, when the time came for Neji to make his own choice he had chosen him? “That’s why you didn’t want to talk about your childhood”, Shikamaru concluded.

“Hyuuga children are not afforded the luxury of childhoods.”

Shikamaru’s face was like stone. His heart ached for his lover. Suddenly many things made sense to him: Neji’s uncle Hiashi’s behavior as well as Neji’s emotional quirks were all explained in a single instance.

Shikamaru had had a hunch that morning. He was right, of course. Neji hadn’t had an actual childhood. By all accounts, the Hyuuga had been born into a bizarre familial bonded servitude.

“That sounds like hell”, was Shikamaru’s response.

“It was, at times.” Neji could admit that now, to his lover.

“How did you manage to keep from going insane?”

“My uncle buffered me from as much of it as he could.”

Shikamaru decided at that moment that Hiashi Hyuuga had more than earned his loyalty. “Remind me to thank him for that the next time I see him.”

“There is no need.”

“Sure there is.” Shikamaru looked at his lover. “Without his protection, who knows what you might have become? If it weren’t for him, you might not have become the man I get to call mine.”

Neji smiled. Shikamaru’s affectionate words were like sake: relaxing; stimulating; intoxicating.

“I’m yours, am I?” the Hyuuga asked.

Shikamaru smiled. “Lock, stock and barrel, big guy.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Good, because you’re stuck with me, Neji Hyuuga.”

“That’s fine, because I enjoy being stuck with you. It’s been extremely satisfying so far.”

“More satisfying than being with women?” The Nara couldn’t help but ask. Neji didn’t have to ponder that question one bit.

“A woman, technically, and yes, far more.”

Shikamaru’s eyebrows met his hairline. “You’ve only been with a woman once?”

“Yes.”

Shikamaru wanted to know more. “Are you going to share this story with me?”

“Would you like to hear it?” Neji asked.

“You bet your ass I would.”

“It was a fund-raiser.”

Shikamaru’s brows furrowed. “A fund-raiser?”

“Yes.” Neji popped a juicy chunk of pineapple into his mouth from the tray before he continued. “You know the type, where wealthy people auction off dates with other wealthy people in the interest of raising funds for some arbitrary cause? One of my great-aunt’s canasta partners made a deal with her to win me, and I was placed on the proverbial block.”

“How old were you?” Shikamaru asked.

“Seventeen.”

“Seventeen?! That isn’t charity, it’s pandering! Why did you agree?”

“Disagreeing was not an option. Besides, I’d made a deal with my uncle years before to ‘play nice’ until I reached the age of majority. My great-aunt knew my time was running short and was anticipating my defection from our family. She wanted to get as much use out of my hide as she could before then.”

Shikamaru was scowling now. He was becoming increasingly disgusted with the Hyuuga family’s ways. “Dare I to ask why you and your uncle felt it necessary to make that deal?”

“No, you dare not. You really don’t want to know.”

The conversation lulled. For long moments there was only the sound of the water lapping. Shikamaru was angry, but what about Neji? Shikamaru spoke again.

“I’m sorry for dredging up unpleasant memories.”

“I can’t change my past, Shikamaru. Neither of us can.”

“I’m not judging you, Neji”, Shikamaru told his lover. “I guess I just wish I could have been there to help buffer you from things.”

“Shikamaru Nara,” Neji responded, “If you had been there, I’m sure we would have run off together.”

“What makes you so sure?” The Nara asked.

“Time has forged me into the person you know today. But I wasn’t always this person. Back then I was just a Hyuuga pawn.” Shikamaru speared a slice of zucchini with his chopstick and put it into his mouth. Neji continued.

“Back then I had to do what I was told when I was told to do it. But if I had known you, with your confident swagger and strategic resolve…” Neji smiled and continued, “I would have clung to you. I would have let your strength be mine. I might have even dared to rebel against my elders.”

“Then it’s probably for the best that you didn’t know me, don’t you think?”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, if I had known you then I would have taken you away. Then your family would have ruined us all for taking you in. We’d now be living off the government, or worse.”

Neji chuckled. “Somehow I don’t think your family would have gone down without a fight.”

“A fight we never would have won against the Hyuuga family. Neji, my family does all right for themselves, but we are hardly Hyuugas in social standing. We would have just brought you down with us.”

Neji downed the contents of his sake cup and moved to pour himself another. “You underestimate your family, Shikamaru.”

Shikamaru drank his tea. “No, I think you underestimate yours.” Shikamaru got up then. He walked over to the chaise where his lover sat watching him. He sat down on the edge of the chaise, next to Neji’s legs, wincing slightly.

The Nara placed a hand over that of his lover’s, squeezing gently, and met the Hyuuga’s eyes with his own. “I’m sorry for your losses—for all of them. It wasn’t fair to you and if I could go back and change any of it, I would.”

Neji smiled, and Shikamaru continued. “And while I can’t go back and change any of it, I will do my very best to make it up to you. I’ll love you so well that all the pain from your past will pale in comparison.”

Wow, Neji thought to himself.

Shikamaru had his work cut out for him. Neji Hyuuga had a lot of past pain—a mother who died in childbirth, a father who died protecting Neji’s uncle Hiashi, and a childhood full of exploitation at the hands of his own family. Neji had survived it all. He worked hard to make himself the strongest man he knew. But that strength had come at cost: his intellect and physical power served as walls, erected to protect the Hyuuga’s fragile heart, walls that had never been breached—until now.

Neji looked away from Shikamaru. He honestly thought he might cry. Hearing those words made his heart throb. He hadn’t told him yet, but Neji knew he was very much in love with this man, a man to whom he’d clung like a sleeping child to a teddy bear since they’d met. Shikamaru was his comfort, the only real comfort he’d had in his adult life. It was why he ‘covered’ Shikamaru, even when they weren’t on duty. It was why he was insecure anytime he thought someone else might be interested. Neji was protecting something that was invaluable to him: a man who was so in love with him that he, instead of rejecting the Hyuuga for his past, was dedicating himself to easing all of the pain in Neji’s heart from it.

What had being on that yacht under a starry night done to them? They both seemed to be under a spell.

“Neji.”

They were two simple syllables that comprised the sweetest beckoning from the man who loved him; still, Neji couldn’t meet his eyes. That was when Neji felt a pair of hands on either side of his face, easing his head back until their eyes did meet.

There were no tears. But there was love—it was in Shikamaru’s eyes, and reflected back by Neji’s. The impact of it was disarming and empowering at the same time. It made the Nara want to cry too.

But he didn’t. Neither of them would cry tonight.

“Kiss me”, Shikamaru directed softly, and Neji complied wordlessly, on the deck of a yacht beneath the starriest night either man had ever witnessed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N:

(1) Missing in Action.
(2) Kindred, Chapter 8.

Wow. Just…wow. Kiba’s in a really bad way—good thing Shizune is there to ease the hurt. Neji and Shikamaru, on the other hand, are out on this plane where no one and nothing exists but the two of them. OMG is that super-romantic or what?!

This chapter mutated like whoa. I swear, I get past a hump and the thing gets out of control! I could have cut this chapter but I didn’t want to interrupt its flow, and besides, I just love writing this pairing!

Please leave me a review with your thoughts.