Who Am I Really(COMPLETE 5/4/10)
folder
Naruto AU/AR › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
1,292
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Naruto AU/AR › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
11
Views:
1,292
Reviews:
8
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own anything Naruto, simply barrowing them for a bit of fun and thus am not making any money.
Letting it All Go
Chapter Warnings: Language, and AND EXTEME SADNESS tissues are advised.
Author Note: Alright only two more chapters to go. Yes how this chapter ends is how it's going to play out. I advising all of you to have some tissues with you, unless your heart strings are made of steele. I had three people read the rough draff of this story and when they read this part they all calimed to have cried. SO you have been warned and advised. I am not held resposible for anything that ensues. ^^
Special Dedication: Msuzumaki!!! Because I love ya that much! THanks for reading all my stuff and reviewing to.
READ, REVIEW, VOTE, and ENOJY!!
Chapter Nine: Letting it All Go
Sammuel choked up as he fell to his knees in the water placing a hand over his mouth nauseated that he had forgotten all that he had. How could he have forgotten the most important person in the world to him? Why would he want to even? A sob escaped from behind his hand and his eyes looked up into green.
"Oh god, Gaara I'm so sorry, I never meant to forget about you. I don't even know why, you're everything to me." He confessed.
Gaara regarded him quietly before reaching through the bars to brush his finger through the sandy brown hair. This was different, Naruto looked different, but he was still his Naruto. He could see the honesty in the eyes, he could make him out in the shape of the man’s face. Yes this was his Naruto, his beautiful life changing lover.
Gaara watched as the man’s eyes finally took in the rusted bars that made up the cage that was for the Kyuubii. His heart tightened as the confusion crossed his lover’s face. He would have to tell him what he had found out. He would have to explain the hard painful truth.
"What, why am I behind the seal?"
Gaara frowned as his eyes saddened, "you aren't supposed to be here anymore."
Sam's eyes widened, "what?"
Gaara dropped his hand and sighed, "you are now the Kyuubii, in a way."
Sam shook his head, "I can't be, I don't feel like ripping into anyone."
Gaara dropped down to his knees as Sam wrapped his hands around two of the bars. They stared at each other for a moment in silence. Gaara didn’t want to say what he had to say. The very humane ridiculous thought crossed his mind, if he didn’t explain it then he would have more time. He closed his eyes and looked down at his hands that he had lain on his lap.
"Then Minato's plan worked." He whispered.
Sam looked down at the water trying to piece it together. The seal his parents had done in order to capture the fox demon all those many years ago…
"I, he did this so that I would leave forever? What about me as his son?"
Gaara's eyes stared into his and he suddenly felt that much more calm. Even with the pain and sadness in those green depths they always gave him a peace of mind. Staring into them he also realized there was more to this story. More that he wasn’t going to like, and he braced himself for it.
"Naruto was still born, he wasn't going to be born alive. So in exchange for keeping him alive and giving him a second chance to live, he put Kyuubii into him. It was a trade off, Naruto would grow up to live a life of his choosing and Kyuubii would be contained and ultimately removed for good."
Sam saddened, so he really wasn't Naruto... In a way the doctors had been right, some of it was indeed in his head. So he was Kyuubii, it explained some things, the way he thought and acted in this world.
"You and Naruto have become one over the years. So the two of you are one and the same." Gaara said into the quiet reassuringly.
Sam shook his head, "that explains so much of my life it's almost ridiculous."
Gaara reached through the bar and brushed sandy brown hair from the other man‘s eyes. His lover seemed to be heart broken and his words had been bitter. Slowly his fingers traced over a cheek bone sliding to a chin.
"Explain." The redhead whispered.
Sam chuckled, Gaara just never changed which was good. He reached his right hand through the bars as well and ran his fingers through red waves a small smile spreading his lips upward. Taking a deep breath in to allow his lungs to fill with the sent of dried earth and suddenly he felt like he was in the deserts of Suna. Sand dunes and land so free, untamed and even more unpredictable, but beautiful just like his lover.
"In this world I've destroyed lives, I've hurt people, I've crushed them under my shoe in my quest to be the best." He breathed at last sadly looking into Gaara’s eyes.
Gaara sighed, "do you feel sorry for this now?"
"Well yeah."
"Then fix it."
That was to simple.... but wasn't that what he had told Gaara in essence? Granted it wasn’t the exact same words, but he had meant it that way. As he looked at his lover of seven years and friend for twenty he knew Gaara was right. Yes it would be easier said than done, but just because he wasn’t Naruto perse didn’t mean he couldn’t be him.
“I have a message for you.” his lover spoke.
“Shoot.” he replied trailing fingers down his lover’s elegant neck.
“Everyone loves you.” Gaara paused, “well Sasuke hates you.”
“Oh well thank god, for a moment you had me worried there.” He joked getting Gaara’s eyes to crinkle with amusement.
Sam felt a tug at his midsection and the painful realization hit him. This moment was just that, a stolen moment. His heart slammed into his throat at the idea of having to leave this moment behind. He didn’t want to leave he wanted to stay. He wanted to live the life he carved out with blood, sweat, and tears. He wanted his life with Gaara the only person he had ever loved.
"There's no way for me to return?" He asked frantically.
Gaara shook his head his face pinched his chest starting to rise and fall faster. The two stood up from kneeling, as if trying to think of something, as if that simple motion might give them longer.
"I can't live without you. It's to painful to even think about it! I can't leave I need you!" He said grabbing onto the bars his knuckles going white as he tried to stay there.
His midsection gave a painful jerk towards his back and he slipped a little only to press himself against the cage. This couldn’t be happening, no this had to be the dream.
"You're dying Naru." Gaara whispered pained in his admission.
"No I can't be there has to be a way. I can't go back, not if I'm alone, not if you're not there."
Gaara closed his green eyes in pain, before reaching his arms through the bars again and cupped the back of Sam's head. He didn’t want to let go, but he knew he would have to. The thought that Naruto may take his life was to much, so he would have to do something very hard.
"What is you're real name?" He asked.
Sam stared at him. "Sammuel."
Gaara gave a sad smile. "Promise me something Sammuel."
Sam's heart skipped a beat hearing his name spoken in that deep baritone that he had come to know so well all these years. The warm tone, the sexy tone, the one that would say his name in pleasure with in the dark. He felt tears prickle his eyes in sadness and pain.
"Anything." He croaked his voice heavy with emotion.
"Promise me you'll live. You'll live your life. No matter how hard." Gaara told him.
Sam's eyes widened, no, no, anything but that. Please Gaara don’t ask me to do that he screamed in his head.
"Promise me you'll do this for me. Let me know that my lover, where ever he is living he’s living it with the same stubborn tenacity that he lived this one." The redhead pleaded with Sam.
Sam started to shake his head tears falling down his cheeks. Another tug to his midsection jerking him back a little.
"Promise me Sammuel, that you'll give me this peace of mind." Gaara demanded quietly.
Sam opened his mouth to say no but all that came out was a choked sob. He nodded his head and almost slipped when the tug jerked on him harder. Gaara's hands tightened as well, not ready to let go just yet. It hurt to have the pressure there but Sam wasn't complaining. This would be the last time he'd get to have those hands on him, that truth was far more painful.
"Gaara I love you! I'll always love you! Only you!" He cried out over the sudden roar that came up from behind him like a yawning beast of hell.
Gaara pressed his face to the bars and pulled Sam's face in as well. It wasn't much of a kiss, it was nowhere near as close to one as they wanted it to be, but it would have to be. Gaara's hands slipped from the back of Sam's head as he was tugged back again. He grabbed onto his forearm as tears started to quietly fall from his pale green eyes.
"I love you, Sammuel, I love you." Gaara confessed his hands as tight as they could be around his upper arm.
Sammuel’s heart gave a painful twist and he was pulled back further Gaara’s hands slipping painfully to his wrist. This wasn’t fair it was so not fair. Didn’t they deserve to be happy to? Didn’t they get to be allowed to love and cherish someone like those they had sacrificed for? Why, why couldn’t they be together? Another sob rocked through Sam as he tightened his own hand around his lover’s wrist.
Another painful jerk backwards left only their hands touching. A load roar booming up from behind him blowing with it a strangely warm wind that blew their hair and cloths around them. Yet another jerk and roar and just their finger tips painful hung on in vain. Sam sobbed harder, this just couldn’t be happening he had to wake at any moment.
Finally the tug that they both dreaded pulled them apart and they both exclaimed ’no’ together. He was falling now being pulled further away from the only man he'd ever loved and had loved him back. The pain he felt in his chest indescribable.
"GAARA!!!!" He screamed tears falling from his face.
Gaara stood his body still pressed against the bars his arm still out stretched towards him, the man’s image already fading away. Face masked in pain as tears quietly kept falling, slowly lowering his arm.
"Good bye Sam... " He whispered and then he was no more.
Jerking up from the bed Sam screamed, “NO!!!”
Curling up on himself he sat on the bed sobbing and slapped Sarah’s hand away when she tried to comfort him. His beautiful lover was no more, or he himself was no more… It didn’t matter, he would never see him again, never.
“Gaara,” he whispered into the bed, his fingers curling around the edge tightly as another sob racked his body.
Dear god why?
~TBC~
END NOTE: As usual!
msuzumaki: Have I told you how much I love you? Just in case... I FREAKIN' LOVE YOU!!! *huggles* So.... sorry... but this is how it shall end. *holds out cookie.* It's not much but it might make you feel a little better. And the offer to have me write something and dedicate it to you is still open for suggestions. If you don't think of something... I more than likely will. lol Unitl next chapter.
All My Readers: Thank you all for hanging in there thus far. Hope you aren't to depressed by this chapter. Like I said two more to go. Love all of you, I wish I heard more from you guys, but it's nice to see so many hits, hopefully this means that's how many people have actaully read it through it's entirty. AGAIN mush love to all of you!
Author Note: Alright only two more chapters to go. Yes how this chapter ends is how it's going to play out. I advising all of you to have some tissues with you, unless your heart strings are made of steele. I had three people read the rough draff of this story and when they read this part they all calimed to have cried. SO you have been warned and advised. I am not held resposible for anything that ensues. ^^
Special Dedication: Msuzumaki!!! Because I love ya that much! THanks for reading all my stuff and reviewing to.
READ, REVIEW, VOTE, and ENOJY!!
Sammuel choked up as he fell to his knees in the water placing a hand over his mouth nauseated that he had forgotten all that he had. How could he have forgotten the most important person in the world to him? Why would he want to even? A sob escaped from behind his hand and his eyes looked up into green.
"Oh god, Gaara I'm so sorry, I never meant to forget about you. I don't even know why, you're everything to me." He confessed.
Gaara regarded him quietly before reaching through the bars to brush his finger through the sandy brown hair. This was different, Naruto looked different, but he was still his Naruto. He could see the honesty in the eyes, he could make him out in the shape of the man’s face. Yes this was his Naruto, his beautiful life changing lover.
Gaara watched as the man’s eyes finally took in the rusted bars that made up the cage that was for the Kyuubii. His heart tightened as the confusion crossed his lover’s face. He would have to tell him what he had found out. He would have to explain the hard painful truth.
"What, why am I behind the seal?"
Gaara frowned as his eyes saddened, "you aren't supposed to be here anymore."
Sam's eyes widened, "what?"
Gaara dropped his hand and sighed, "you are now the Kyuubii, in a way."
Sam shook his head, "I can't be, I don't feel like ripping into anyone."
Gaara dropped down to his knees as Sam wrapped his hands around two of the bars. They stared at each other for a moment in silence. Gaara didn’t want to say what he had to say. The very humane ridiculous thought crossed his mind, if he didn’t explain it then he would have more time. He closed his eyes and looked down at his hands that he had lain on his lap.
"Then Minato's plan worked." He whispered.
Sam looked down at the water trying to piece it together. The seal his parents had done in order to capture the fox demon all those many years ago…
"I, he did this so that I would leave forever? What about me as his son?"
Gaara's eyes stared into his and he suddenly felt that much more calm. Even with the pain and sadness in those green depths they always gave him a peace of mind. Staring into them he also realized there was more to this story. More that he wasn’t going to like, and he braced himself for it.
"Naruto was still born, he wasn't going to be born alive. So in exchange for keeping him alive and giving him a second chance to live, he put Kyuubii into him. It was a trade off, Naruto would grow up to live a life of his choosing and Kyuubii would be contained and ultimately removed for good."
Sam saddened, so he really wasn't Naruto... In a way the doctors had been right, some of it was indeed in his head. So he was Kyuubii, it explained some things, the way he thought and acted in this world.
"You and Naruto have become one over the years. So the two of you are one and the same." Gaara said into the quiet reassuringly.
Sam shook his head, "that explains so much of my life it's almost ridiculous."
Gaara reached through the bar and brushed sandy brown hair from the other man‘s eyes. His lover seemed to be heart broken and his words had been bitter. Slowly his fingers traced over a cheek bone sliding to a chin.
"Explain." The redhead whispered.
Sam chuckled, Gaara just never changed which was good. He reached his right hand through the bars as well and ran his fingers through red waves a small smile spreading his lips upward. Taking a deep breath in to allow his lungs to fill with the sent of dried earth and suddenly he felt like he was in the deserts of Suna. Sand dunes and land so free, untamed and even more unpredictable, but beautiful just like his lover.
"In this world I've destroyed lives, I've hurt people, I've crushed them under my shoe in my quest to be the best." He breathed at last sadly looking into Gaara’s eyes.
Gaara sighed, "do you feel sorry for this now?"
"Well yeah."
"Then fix it."
That was to simple.... but wasn't that what he had told Gaara in essence? Granted it wasn’t the exact same words, but he had meant it that way. As he looked at his lover of seven years and friend for twenty he knew Gaara was right. Yes it would be easier said than done, but just because he wasn’t Naruto perse didn’t mean he couldn’t be him.
“I have a message for you.” his lover spoke.
“Shoot.” he replied trailing fingers down his lover’s elegant neck.
“Everyone loves you.” Gaara paused, “well Sasuke hates you.”
“Oh well thank god, for a moment you had me worried there.” He joked getting Gaara’s eyes to crinkle with amusement.
Sam felt a tug at his midsection and the painful realization hit him. This moment was just that, a stolen moment. His heart slammed into his throat at the idea of having to leave this moment behind. He didn’t want to leave he wanted to stay. He wanted to live the life he carved out with blood, sweat, and tears. He wanted his life with Gaara the only person he had ever loved.
"There's no way for me to return?" He asked frantically.
Gaara shook his head his face pinched his chest starting to rise and fall faster. The two stood up from kneeling, as if trying to think of something, as if that simple motion might give them longer.
"I can't live without you. It's to painful to even think about it! I can't leave I need you!" He said grabbing onto the bars his knuckles going white as he tried to stay there.
His midsection gave a painful jerk towards his back and he slipped a little only to press himself against the cage. This couldn’t be happening, no this had to be the dream.
"You're dying Naru." Gaara whispered pained in his admission.
"No I can't be there has to be a way. I can't go back, not if I'm alone, not if you're not there."
Gaara closed his green eyes in pain, before reaching his arms through the bars again and cupped the back of Sam's head. He didn’t want to let go, but he knew he would have to. The thought that Naruto may take his life was to much, so he would have to do something very hard.
"What is you're real name?" He asked.
Sam stared at him. "Sammuel."
Gaara gave a sad smile. "Promise me something Sammuel."
Sam's heart skipped a beat hearing his name spoken in that deep baritone that he had come to know so well all these years. The warm tone, the sexy tone, the one that would say his name in pleasure with in the dark. He felt tears prickle his eyes in sadness and pain.
"Anything." He croaked his voice heavy with emotion.
"Promise me you'll live. You'll live your life. No matter how hard." Gaara told him.
Sam's eyes widened, no, no, anything but that. Please Gaara don’t ask me to do that he screamed in his head.
"Promise me you'll do this for me. Let me know that my lover, where ever he is living he’s living it with the same stubborn tenacity that he lived this one." The redhead pleaded with Sam.
Sam started to shake his head tears falling down his cheeks. Another tug to his midsection jerking him back a little.
"Promise me Sammuel, that you'll give me this peace of mind." Gaara demanded quietly.
Sam opened his mouth to say no but all that came out was a choked sob. He nodded his head and almost slipped when the tug jerked on him harder. Gaara's hands tightened as well, not ready to let go just yet. It hurt to have the pressure there but Sam wasn't complaining. This would be the last time he'd get to have those hands on him, that truth was far more painful.
"Gaara I love you! I'll always love you! Only you!" He cried out over the sudden roar that came up from behind him like a yawning beast of hell.
Gaara pressed his face to the bars and pulled Sam's face in as well. It wasn't much of a kiss, it was nowhere near as close to one as they wanted it to be, but it would have to be. Gaara's hands slipped from the back of Sam's head as he was tugged back again. He grabbed onto his forearm as tears started to quietly fall from his pale green eyes.
"I love you, Sammuel, I love you." Gaara confessed his hands as tight as they could be around his upper arm.
Sammuel’s heart gave a painful twist and he was pulled back further Gaara’s hands slipping painfully to his wrist. This wasn’t fair it was so not fair. Didn’t they deserve to be happy to? Didn’t they get to be allowed to love and cherish someone like those they had sacrificed for? Why, why couldn’t they be together? Another sob rocked through Sam as he tightened his own hand around his lover’s wrist.
Another painful jerk backwards left only their hands touching. A load roar booming up from behind him blowing with it a strangely warm wind that blew their hair and cloths around them. Yet another jerk and roar and just their finger tips painful hung on in vain. Sam sobbed harder, this just couldn’t be happening he had to wake at any moment.
Finally the tug that they both dreaded pulled them apart and they both exclaimed ’no’ together. He was falling now being pulled further away from the only man he'd ever loved and had loved him back. The pain he felt in his chest indescribable.
"GAARA!!!!" He screamed tears falling from his face.
Gaara stood his body still pressed against the bars his arm still out stretched towards him, the man’s image already fading away. Face masked in pain as tears quietly kept falling, slowly lowering his arm.
"Good bye Sam... " He whispered and then he was no more.
Jerking up from the bed Sam screamed, “NO!!!”
Curling up on himself he sat on the bed sobbing and slapped Sarah’s hand away when she tried to comfort him. His beautiful lover was no more, or he himself was no more… It didn’t matter, he would never see him again, never.
“Gaara,” he whispered into the bed, his fingers curling around the edge tightly as another sob racked his body.
Dear god why?
~TBC~
END NOTE: As usual!
msuzumaki: Have I told you how much I love you? Just in case... I FREAKIN' LOVE YOU!!! *huggles* So.... sorry... but this is how it shall end. *holds out cookie.* It's not much but it might make you feel a little better. And the offer to have me write something and dedicate it to you is still open for suggestions. If you don't think of something... I more than likely will. lol Unitl next chapter.
All My Readers: Thank you all for hanging in there thus far. Hope you aren't to depressed by this chapter. Like I said two more to go. Love all of you, I wish I heard more from you guys, but it's nice to see so many hits, hopefully this means that's how many people have actaully read it through it's entirty. AGAIN mush love to all of you!