Between Life and Living

Between Life and Living

Chapter Nine: Caving In

 

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"It's not really the greatest idea to sleep on the beach,"

"Well, it's not the greatest place to catch some Zs, but I suppose it does have a really nice view to wake up to, huh?"

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After her short slumber, Sakura was escorted from the hospital by Kakashi, who had come to pick her up and bring her to the Hokage's tower. After signing a few papers and receiving a last minute check up from one of the nurses, the pinkette and her sensei exited the hospital and walked out into the warm afternoon sunlight.

Those first few rays that hit her skin instantly melted away the cold, which was a relief because she was starting to believe she was going to turn into an icicle soon.

The sun, and the rest of the world seemed more vibrant than she remembered in comparison to the bland whiteness of her recent inhabitance. Trees swayed under the guidance of the gentle afternoon wind, and the soft brush of the grass under their feet as they walked off path and onto the street reminded her of the former days when she and the now disband team seven would venture through various forests during their missions, and spar in random areas when time would allow them the opportunity. Even after Sasuke had left, it had still been Naruto, Kakashi and herself that carried out missions; not as team seven, but as three jonin who were a little closer than the average shinobi squad. The sparring sessions continued, but they had never felt the same. Not with their fourth member; not without Sasuke.

The light, sound smack of the book in the copy nin's hand stole Sakura's attention back to the present. She was surprised to see that his choice of literature today was not the usual orange book of smut, but a faded yellow paperback adorned with some fancy red cursive on the front. She managed to catch a glimpse of the title before he slipped it inside of his back pocket.

'Rosette'

Well, that was a change. The bewildered pinkette was just about to question her sensei's new-found taste in non-pornographic literature when he turned his downcast gaze onto her and his visible eye curved into that of its happy crease.

"How are you feeling today, Sakura?" he asked.

Sakura's sight lingered on the book wedged in his back pocket until she heard his voice and looked away. The question, usually when asked from anyone else, was something she would normally waste no time on responding to with a mechanical answer like, "I'm fine," or "Good,"

The question had been asked several times over the course of her stay at Konoha's infirmary. It was routine for nurses or doctors to ask such things of their patients, but they never wanted anything more than an informal answer; something that told them how she really felt.

However, she knew that Kakashi was seeking no formal reply from her; he wanted the truth.

But did she really want to give it to him?

The two were turning the corner of the winding street now. The cozy little row of accommodating family-owned shops was especially busy today, each attracting a various amount of both returning and new customers. Children, shinobi and civilian alike gave chase across the streets and back, pursuing a ball to pass the time while their parents did their shopping. The sounds of their laughter and the echo of their innocent banter felt familiar, but unusual to her at the same time. Perhaps, at one time her ears had become so accustomed to the noise that she had learned to blend it well into the background of whatever thoughts were on her mind in the days that she would wander with ease throughout the village.

Now they were strange; and they bothered her.

"Sakura?"

"Wh-what?" her head reeled away from the glimpse of the children disappearing around the corner, one child ahead of them and running like mad with the ball tucked in his arms. A giddy expression contorted his soft, innocent features.

"You haven't answered my question," the copy nin reminded her as he tucked his gloved hands into his pockets. Hadn't she? How did she manage to get so far away in her thoughts?

Maybe it was because she still hadn't found a way to answer him yet.

"I'm…" she began. The silver-haired man looked down on her sternly with a narrowed eye, effortlessly crushing any idea of getting away with a one-worded reply. Sakura's shoulders sagged in defeat and she too slid her hands into the pockets of her black shorts; a reclaimed habit that had rubbed off on her since the time she had spent over the three years getting to know the guy. Really know him.

"I'm—"

"Watch out lady!"

Crash!

Sakura wobbled in mid-step seconds after something solid abruptly slammed into her stomach. Her hands flew out in a defensive manner, but she drew them back and righted herself after she realized the projectile had already bounced off her and was now cradled in the hands of a dark-haired child toppled over at her feet. He crawled behind her legs and knelt down as the group of children that had been chasing him up until now began to swarm around the two shinobi, all with anxious looks etched onto their tiny faces.

"We want that ball back," said the voice of the tallest kid. His eyes were opaque and his hair was long and dark brown, pulled back into a loose ponytail that tied at the very end. The boy had a gruff look about him that informed Sakura that he was a ninja, while it was clear that the others around him were mostly civilians. That, and something was awfully familiar about him…she couldn't put her finger on it.

"Give it," the girl beside him echoed. Her appearance was that of blonde and green-eyed, and like her friend, she wore shinobi attire.

Sakura understood the setup of the situation, and without a moment's hesitation turned and crouched down next to the boy trembling behind her. Kakashi remained quiet, but a flicker of interest glinted over his visible eye.

"Are you okay?" the pinkette whispered, raising a hand and placing it on the boy's head. He lifted his dark eyes to her own and gave a sheepish nod, but it was clear that he was truly frightened. The kunoichi glanced over her shoulder to see that Kakashi was now standing in front of her blind side, and from the looks of it he was regarding the group of children with a look she could only imagine was nothing short of intimidating; having half of your face covered could give one that sort of impression.

Sakura turned and placed her hands gently on the shoulders of the boy. Her heart nearly sank as she noticed how fragile they felt, and the way they had begun to shake.

"I…I was just having fun…I didn't mean to…cause any trouble," he insisted, wiping the tears away from his dirt-streaked face. His eyes watered again and she could tell he was trying to force them away, but they instead spilled over when his blue eyes squeezed shut. A frown marred Sakura's sad expression when the cerulean hues were stolen away from her sight. He was another person again when he opened those eyes. Sakura felt her own prick with the sharp sting of threatening tears when she realized who she was seeing; Naruto.

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Flashback

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"It's not really the greatest idea to sleep on the beach, Sakura"

The rumbling echo of thunder in the distance and the sweetly bantering timbre of an all too familiar voice caused Sakura to open her eyes. A flash of thunder ripped through the bruise-colored clouds, and a corresponding droplet struck the surface of the placidly rolling waves. The pinkette had been sunbathing earlier that morning and had somehow dozed off up until late that afternoon.

The voice of reason was admittedly right. She had been out of the water for a good few hours after her nap and now as she sat up, she found herself stuck with grains of wet sand and her bathing suit damp and clinging to her body. Sakura, had she not known better, could have sworn she'd been hit with a giant wave, but the clouds in the sky were tell-tale enough of the impending storm. The rain was already coming down in sheets, spitting at the blackened sea without relent and in a way that made it obscure whether or not the water was coming down or falling up.

"Well, it's not the greatest place to catch some Zs, but I suppose it does have a really nice view to wake up to, huh?"

The blonde standing off to her right looked down upon her with a face-splitting grin. His yellow hair and bangs matted on his head from the downpour were slightly longer than she remembered, and the lengths that had not been subdued by the rain stuck up defiantly in random places. His face, long ago having lost the last of its childish and immature circularity appeared more masculine and defined. The visible parts of his lithe, tanned body clothed in a dark shirt over a thinner fishnet one, and nondescript black pants looked slightly more muscular and noticeably well-toned. His cerulean eyes were sharp, yet gentle, holding the traces of both ware and buoyancy that told of the quiet self-struggle between life and living he endured in the existence that was the day-to-day of being a shinobi.

Looking at him was like seeing the sun and the moon for the first time in the same moment. The shine around his smile was bright and beautiful as he extended a hand which she took and pulled herself to her feet, but as soon as she righted herself and looked at him, it was gone and there was dejection rimmed with an inanimate, luminous glow on the surface of his eyes.

Sakura knew both expressions well enough to understand that there was something wrong. Letting go of the boy's hand, she speared her fingers through her wet pink locks and wiped the excess rain away from her face. The two of them stood, untroubled by the wrath of the unforeseen weather as the storm raged on. It was after a sound crack of thunder and a spark that scorched the sand, that Naruto reclaimed her hand and began to guide her up the slant of beach and toward the boardwalk.

They said nothing for a while, leaving each other to their own, unknown thoughts until Sakura decided to speak.

"When did you get back?"

Their feet reached the last of the planks and they stepped onto the solid wet street of the village.

"An hour ago," Naruto replied, releasing her hand to slip both of his own into his pockets. His blue eyes were downcast and the rain dripped through his hair and down his temples. Sakura eyed a particular drop that slid past his cheek and rolled down his neck to disappear into the matieral of his shirt.

Only an hour ago, and it could have been drenched will blood.

His blood? His blood? Sakura shivered; she didn't want to think about it.

The two shinobi turned the corner and strolled down the next block of small, cluttered shops that stood on either side of them on the narrow road. Not a soul was to be found, aside from a civilian or two sweeping the dirt and leaves from their porch to wash away in rain. Sakura bit down on her bottom lip anxiously and drew it into her mouth. His premature arrival minus the person she'd been hoping to see told her all she needed to know; but she knew he still expected her to ask.

"What happened?" it was a pretty vague question, but the both of them knew where their light conversation had taken a turn.

He had been expecting her to ask. He'd thought of all the things he could say that would leave the sentiment between them cracked, rather than broken, at least until the time they had to part ways and go home. All of his words and all of his pre-elaborated explanations had sounded no less than appropriate as he'd conceived them on the way back to the village. Now, as he was preparing to say them, he realized they were ridiculous and wouldn't do just in place of what Sakura truly needed to hear.

Sakura was a cruel woman; for making him repeat what she already knew, but he was probably just as cruel for the promise that he had broken.

"I couldn't…" no, no this already wasn't sounding right. Too blatant; too simple. Too conclusively true.

The pink-haired girl simply nodded. Her reaction was little to nothing, but Naruto knew what she was withholding. He had allowed her life-long crush, the man that she pined after for years and years to slip through his fingers and get away more easily than he would ever tell her. He'd struggled with Sasuke, in both their verbal and physical skirmish over the path that he had abandoned them for. Naruto had pursued and approached Sasuke with the intention of bringing him back, be it kicking and screaming, but in the end he had ended up letting him go.

It had finally occurred to him that to Sasuke, his long-term goal meant his entire life. Even though he'd come to terms with this and their parting had been one that ended peacefully, he still wished that there was something he could have done for his friend; but he knew there was not.

Naruto and Sakura were just nearing the end of the street. Sakura lived a little ways from the beach, while Naruto lived further away where his home faced the lake. The pinkette, giving her hair a tousling shake with her hand, turned to the blonde with a thin smile being her choice of a parting gesture.

Was this it? This was the end of the conversation he had sweated bullets just planning for?

Sakura leaned in and gave his cheek a small peck before turning away from him with a barely audible good-bye, doing so just swiftly enough that he was able to catch a glimpse of the slight, watery glint in her dim jade orbs.

No way was it ending like this.

Naruto's hand reached out and caught the kunoichi around the wrist, his fingers grasping firmly enough to pull her back. Her bare feet skidded backward, splashing up a cold spray of water in the puddle through which they were dragged, and his arms were around her before she had the time to elicit a startled cry. The blonde held her snug in his clothe-dampened embrace and pressed his lips against the top of her head. Sakura, at a loss for words, stood there unmoving.

"Sakura…come on," the boy pleaded, lips mumbling against her wet coral threads. The scent of the rain mixed with a faint tropical fragrance of shampoo arrested all of his sense at once and he sighed and closed his eyes.

His hold was tight, and Sakura knew he wasn't going to release her until she revealed the emotions flooding inside of her.

She didn't want to break down right now; didn't want to show him even a little that she was disappointed. His promise had been made whole-heartedly, but she knew what she was asking could be unattainable.

Tears stung her eyes and rolled down her cheeks to mix with the rain as she lifted her hands to her face to wipe them away. Naruto's head lowered to press his lips against the shell of her ear.

"It's no use," he whispered with a soft chuckle. The sound vibrated against her ear and sent warm chills throughout her body, causing her to shiver. "You can hide your feelings and say you're fine with it, but it's the same thing as lying to yourself. You're not fooling anyone but you,"

He was right, and she should have known better. Here she was again, trying to protect his feelings when really, all she was doing was making the both of them feel even worse.

Naruto's arms gradually released her and gave her enough room so that she could turn and press herself against his chest. Her warm tears leaked into his shirt as his hand pressed gently against the back of her head. The tightness she had pent up inside of herself for so long, waiting with a figuratively held breath until the moment of his return suddenly caved in and flooded out into a torrent of emotion; the embankment was broken. Her walls of defense were crumbling away.

The two of them stood there at the end of the street, Naruto allowing the girl in his arms to cry to her heart's content with the safety of his own form hiding her away from the world in her vulnerable state. Things hadn't gone as he'd planned, but perhaps this was better. For too long, he had put up with her smiling facades and her cheerful pretenses. The thought of the somehow returning with their friend and living happily the rest of their days was out of the window. He was back now, broken-promised and empty handed, and she needed to know that it was okay to be disappointed with him; it was okay for her to feel this way.

After the pinkette's tears had finally subsided, she gave a congested sniffle and lifted her face from the blonde's chest. The warm glow that outlined his oceanic hues was clouded over with a stratum of gloom. He was sad too, and he would, for once allow her to see it. The shinobi gazed at each other for a moment, and then without a word, slowly slipped away.

His fingers hooked around her own and then his hand fell to his side, as she turned and took off on her own path down the rainy street, bare feet padding in the puddles while her left hand carried a pair of nondescript pink beach sandals at her side. Naruto watched her until she was no more than a tiny pink dot that soon disappeared around the corner, and then turned back to the street behind him to walk himself home.

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End of Flashback

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"We're waiting!"

 

"Be quiet, Haruka," the sound voices of the children behind her pulled Sakura back into the present of reality. The boy kneeling in front of her stared back at her with round and curious, open blue eyes. She smiled when she saw he had stopped shaking and wiped the last remaining tear, still in mid-roll away from his cheek with her thumb.

"It's okay," she told him. "I know you were scared, but even when you're afraid you should never hide your feelings. How will people know how you feel if you don't let them know?"

Kakashi, who was still standing in front of her, slowly lifted the book he had withdrawn from his pocket and turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder.

"Come on," Sakura got to her feet and extended her hand to the boy still sitting on the ground. He looked up at her tentatively before grabbing it and standing beside her. The group of children still scattered around them suddenly erupted into a series of whispers.

"Hey, he's crying," the girl next to the boy who Sakura now recognized as a member of the Hyuuga clan nudged her friend in the side with her elbow. "We didn't mean to make him cry, did we, Ichi?"

The boy called Ichi shrugged away and crossed his arms over himself. When he took a step forward, the small boy behind Sakura cowered back and hugged her leg. Kakashi stepped aside, and leaned against the wall under the roofed shade of a nearby shop, slipping the book back inside his pocket once again, though it appeared he had little interest in what was currently taking place; oh, but he did.

Closing the distance between himself and Sakura, the Hyuuga dropped his arms to his side and stared up into the face of the kunoichi. She looked down at him uncertainly, but did not remove herself from where she stood. Ichi's opaque eyes flitted to said fugitive toy-stealer behind her, and regarded him with an unreadable countenance.

"We didn't mean to make Hiro cry. We were all just playing, but we didn't know we were going to make him cry," the Hyuuga spoke.

"Yeah, we thought he was stealing our ball," piped the blonde girl called Haruka.

"I wasn't…" the dark-haired boy, Hiro, peeked out from behind Sakura and timidly stumbled over to the Hyuuga to hand out the blue bouncy ball. "I…I just wanted to play,"

"Hn," Ichi huffed and took the ball, only to shove it back into the hands of the boy. "Well then. Start running, because you're it,"

The boy only had a second to turn and give the pinkette a hopeful grin before taking off down the street with the other children chasing behind him. After they had disappeared around the corner, the sound of slow clapping echoed from the wall beside her. Kakashi lowered his hands and pushed away from the building. Sakura eyed him with a quizzical look, her face, for whatever reason, beginning to flush with heat.

"Wh-what was that about…?"

"You tell me," was all the copy nin said. The pair resumed their lazy stride down the road to the Hokage's tower without words for the longest of minutes. It was only after they'd reached the sidewalk that wound around into the path of their final destination, that Sakura began to think about the boy with the wide blue eyes; the big white grin. So much of him reminded her of Naruto, and how he was here at her side in one moment and gone in a flash. She tried to remember the cheerless expression ever appearing on his face as she had in her previous memory, but strangely her mind would not recall such a thing as it had back then.

Her thoughts instead swam back to the recent conversation that the silver-haired ANBU and herself had been having moments before the incident. The question that he had, she decided, would now receive an answer.

Her hand stopped to rest on the handle of the double doors to the Hokage's office, and before she pulled it open, she paused.

"Kakashi," she mumbled, eyes becoming fixed on the chipped red paint of the door in front of her. The man looked at her expectantly, but said nothing in reply.

"I'm sad,"

Kakashi's fingers twitched for the phantom book in his left pocket, but dropped his hand at his side when he remembered that he had replaced it. Instead, he placed his hand over her own, and pulled the door open for her. "I know you are," was all he said. He stood there holding it open until she walked ahead of him, and then with a small glance over his shoulder, he too, disappeared inside.

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