Into the Fire

Chapter Ninety-Eight

As the big day approached the couple became more and more nervous. Kakashi, in particular, struggled over his vows, writing and crossing out hundreds of lines in search of the perfect words to describe his feelings. With less than a week left to go the pressure was mounting from all sides and they both began to wonder if, perhaps, Kurenai had been right and they couldn't manage to arrange everything in just two weeks.

The one bright spot had been Gai. His ever optimistic approach provided a much needed source of comic relief, and many evenings ended with the couple in tears of laughter over one of his 'suggestions'. “No sweetheart, I do not think we need Gai to sing us a special love song he wrote for the occasion.” the interrogator almost choked, “Gods, can you just imagine . . .”

“I was trying not to.” the copy-nin snickered, “I ran into Aoba the other day . . . I'm not sure what Gai's 'sensitivity classes' consisted of, but when he saw me he turned white as a sheet, shrieked like a little girl and raced off screaming about his eyes. I'd hate for our wedding to invoke that kind of reaction.”

“Then just tell him no.” the scarred man insisted, “For all our sakes.”

“No way, it's your turn.” the silver-haired man protested, “I said no to the 'joyful presentation of our youthful lives together' as you recall.”

“But he's your friend.” Ibiki practically whined, “He'll listen to you.”

“He's your friend too.” Kakashi snickered, “He told me all about your youthful contests while I was in Sound.”

“Oh god, don't remind me.” the interrogator groaned, dropping his head into his hands, “I was lucky to survive. How have you managed all these years?”

“Distraction is a powerful tool for taming the green beast.” the copy-nin retorted, “Try it when you tell him about the song.”

“What are you going to be doing?” Ibiki asked curiously.

“Hiding in a tree watching you.” came the playful response, “Seriously though, I still have a list as long as my arm. Kurenai really knows how to crack the whip.”

“I'll be happy to take care of some of it for you.” the scarred man offered hopefully.

“That would be wonderful . . . after you talk to Gai.” the jounin stressed, “You have to let him down now, before he gets too stuck on the idea.”

Once the interrogator was safely off on his quest for the green beast, Kakashi was quick to set off on his own errands. After stopping to check on Ibiki's engagement present he headed to the tower. “Hatake-san, what can I do for you today?” a surprised Iruka asked when the silver-haired man appeared in his office.

“I need to talk to Genma.” the copy-nin requested, “This is getting ridiculous. The wedding is only a week away.”

“Please don't take it personally.” the Hokage urged, “This isn't about you.”

Kakashi snorted, shaking his head before retorting, “Of course it's about me . . . now where is he?”

“In the apartment.” the Rokudaime admitted, tipping his head to indicate the doors leading to his private quarters, “Be my guest . . . and good luck. I hope you can resolve all this.”

“Shiranui, we need to talk.” the copy-nin declared when he found the honey-haired man slumped on the couch staring blankly at the television.

“I don't see why.” Genma muttered.

“Because I need to know why you're so opposed to my wedding, that's why.” the silver-haired jounin elaborated.

“Everyone's already told me I'm being a stupid idiot.” the senbon-sucker announced, “You don't need to repeat it.”

“You're not listening to me Genma.” Kakashi insisted as he reached out and grasped the older man's chin, turning him to face worried mismatched eyes, “I don't think you're an idiot . . . in fact, you're probably right, I shouldn't marry Ibiki.”

“I don't understand.” the tokubetsu murmured.

“I know he deserves better than a whore like me.” the copy-nin continued relentlessly, “That's why you're against our marriage . . . isn't it?”

“Actually no, it isn't.” the senbon-sucker replied after a moment's thought, “I just don't want to see him hurt again . . . and I don't mean when you attacked him, although you should know that if anything like that ever happens again you'd better be on the lookout, because I will kill you.”

“That won't be a problem.” the silver-haired jounin murmured, “I'd kill myself before I hurt him like that . . . so what is bothering you?”

“You left him . . . twice.” the honey-haired man stated, “Both times you traipsed off to live with another man while Ru and I had to watch him fall apart. I'm just afraid if you decide to do it again it will break him.”

“I never wanted to leave.” the copy-nin explained quietly, “The first time Kabuto kidnapped me.”

“Yes, but you made no attempt to escape . . . I know you could have left when I did.” Genma pointed out, “You chose to stay with a cold blooded killer rather than return to the man who loved you.”

“There are a few things you need to know about that.” Kakashi decided, “When I helped you escape . . . let's just say I made an error in judgment with deadly consequences.”

“You mean you wish Orochimaru had taken over my body?” the tokubetsu hissed.

“Oh gods no.” the silver-haired man backpedaled, “I disguised Kabuto as you to give you time to get away . . . Tsunade was trying to force Oro to use my body so she killed what she thought was you, then Oro killed her . . . and then no one was left who could perform the exchange. My actions condemned him to death.” he explained with a heavy sigh. “Oro and I . . . had much in common. He chose me just as I chose Ibiki. I couldn't just leave him to die alone, especially since it was all my fault.”

“Did you love him?” Genma asked curiously.

“I don't know what love is.” the copy-nin replied honestly, “I wish I did . . . I'd give anything to be able to tell Ibiki I love him.”

“You don't love him?” the senbon sucker gasped, “Why the hell are you getting married then?”

“How do you know if you're in love?” Kakashi asked earnestly, “Can you explain it to me? How did you know you loved Iruka?”

“I don't know.” Genma retorted, “I just do . . . it's not something you can explain. You're an adult for gods sake, you must have been in love before.”

“I don't think so.” the jounin decided after some thought, “I never spent any time with anyone willingly before Ibiki. Sex was always an unpleasant duty, something out of my control.”

“You had parents, teammates, friends, certainly you loved them.” the honey-haired man elaborated, “Love doesn't necessarily include sex.”

“Everyone I've ever been close to died.” the copy-nin retorted, “After a while I just stopped trying, I didn't want to condemn any more innocents.”

Genma locked gazes with the nervous jounin, “I'm sorry Hatake-san. I never realized . . .” he trailed off, struggling with the right words to express his feelings, “I guess I never thought about just how awful your life has been. I'm sorry we were all so blind.”

“It doesn't matter.” Kakashi said with a shrug, “All that matters now is getting this straightened out. I can't stand the thought of Ibiki losing you as a friend because of me . . . I can't stand the thought of anything hurting him. Even if I spend the rest of my life working on it I'll never, ever, be able to pay him back for all he's done for me . . . and I can't seem to do anything worthwhile in return.”

“I'm still his friend . . . yours too, if you'll have me after I've acted like such an asshole.” the tokubetsu assured him, “And for what it's worth, that sounds like love to me. You want to make Ibiki happy, don't want to see him hurt, don't want to leave him . . . that's how I feel about Ru, his happiness is more important to me than my own.”

“I love him?” the copy-nin gasped, “Then you're alright with our getting married?”

“I couldn't stop you if I wanted to.” Genma chuckled, “But yes, I'm fine with it. I hope you both are very, very happy together. For what it's worth, I'm sorry I doubted you.”

“I'm not.” Kakashi assured him, “Don't worry about it, what matters is you're coming to the wedding . . . you are coming, aren't you?”

“Hell yes I'm coming.” the honey-haired man exclaimed, “I wouldn't miss it for the world. Who knows, maybe it will help me get up the nerve to ask Ru.”

“I can't believe you haven't already, you two are perfect together.” the copy-nin observed, “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Well . . . there was that foursome Ibiki promised me.” Genma wheedled, “I wouldn't object . . .”

“I meant to help with your proposal.” the jounin gritted out, “But . . . I'll think about it.”

“Yes.” the senbon-sucker chortled, “Life is good.”

“It is indeed.” Kakashi agreed, “But I have wedding arrangements to make. I'll see you soon Genma . . . and thank you.”