Memento

A/N: This is my first fanfic for aff.net but not my first fanfic overall. I have some Naruto fics on ff.net that I am rather proud of. ^_^ I warn you all that I am very descriptive and very bloody and sadistic when I need to be. Pet lovers, you won't like this chapter. So don't send me any angry e-mails or reviews concerning this chapter. Read at your own discretion.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I own this story. So there.

Title: Memento- Remember
Chapter 1: A Cruel Lesson

Excerpt from the journal of Kamizuki Izumo:

Since we were mere children, Hagane Kotetsu and I have been best friends. We cheated off each other's exams in the Academy, always picked each other for our sparring buddies, and always sat together at lunch. When I met Kotetsu, he only had his mother. Kotetsu's mother had been ANBU and was killed by the Kyuubi. He never knew his father. My mother and father had fought bravely against Kyuubi but both were lost to the demon fox. The two of us became two of many war orphans in Konohagakure. We somehow managed to become Genin, though it was hard to concentrate on our jutsu though our minds and bodies were wracked with grief. Nonetheless, we passed, managing to carry on through our tears by the other's strength.

As luck would have it, we were placed on the same team along with a spunky girl named Mitarashi Anko. The three of us had great fun when we were genin. Anko unlike any girl we'd ever known. She was like one of the guys and she loved to play baseball with us, which was cool. All of us were under the tutelage of the sannin Orochimaru and under his watchful eye and hard hand, we grew strong- in more ways than one. Orochimaru clearly favored Anko since she was easily more skilled than either Kotetsu or myself.

I remember some of our sensei's lessons. They were hard lessons that we learned and ones that he probably would have been punished for if anyone found out. At first, the lessons were meant to discover our limits, which took some time since all three of us were fast learners. Once those limits were established, the lessons that followed pushed us to those limits, encouraging us to succeed and become even better than we were.

Once we were pushed to our limits, we were pushed over them.

There is one lesson that stands out in my mind like a sore thumb, one that I fear none of us will soon forget. That lesson was so... hard, so painful, and so... cruel. Perhaps downright wrong is the right phrase.

The lesson took place when we were all 16 and all Chuunin level ninja. Sensei told us that we were going to embark on a lesson that was going to last 5 days. We met him at the north gate at 4 AM and waited. In a rush of wind and a flurry of leaves, he appeared, a strange smile on his porcelain face. His smile had always creeped us out, there was just no getting used to it. Anko seemed to like it but as previously stated, she wasn't your average girl. Anyhow, we followed him into Practice Area 44- the Forest of Death. We trusted him of course, our beloved if not creepy sensei. He said nothing to us the entire day, said nothing when we stopped for lunch, and continued to say nothing until we reached a particularly dark part of the forest that blotted the sky from our view. The ground started to get swampy beneath our feet so we moved into the trees. Orochimaru-sensei led us to a more rocky area of the swamp and we were surprised to find a small house made out of rock and resting on a man-made foundation.

It was here that he finally spoke. We were going in the house. So we went in. Inside, there was a cot, a table, a chair, a small kitchen, a bathroom, a closet, and three cages along one wall and all of us were apprehensive immediately. The next thing we knew, our sensei had thrown us into the cages and locked the doors. Instinctively, I tried to use a fire jutsu and ended up roasting myself. The cages kept jutsus contained appearantly.

"Ku ku ku, Izumo. You all seem to have enjoyed your lunches. Now you will stay here until I decide to let you go. The previous lessons have established your limits and pushed you to them. This lesson will force you to surpass them in order to survive this ordeal," he had explained.

Someone asked how to survive the ordeal, I think I asked. Sensei only smiled and went to the closet. The old door creaked open and the sennin took out a small pet carrier. He set it on the table and opened the door. We could all hear the soft crying of the kittens inside even before he pulled a cute white kitten out. He held it up by the scruff of it's neck so we could see it.

"A kitten?" Kotetsu had asked.

"Don't tell me we have to-" Anko had started.

"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying," Orochimaru said," In order to escape, you must kill a kitten with your bare hands. Like so-"

Orochimaru gripped the kitten around the torso with his left hand and his right hand fingers looped around the kitten's neck. He applied pressure and started to pull. The kitten mewled pathetically and tried to dig its tiny claws into Orochimaru's skin in defense of itself. It was no use. With a cruel smile, the pale-faced man pulled hard and a snap-pop sound was heard beneath a cry of pain that was cut short as he detached the kitten's head from it's body. The body spasmed violently and its eyes were wide... and then it was dead. Crimson sin stained its pure white fur and the blood that dripped to the floor was deafening. Kami... that is one thing I will never forget as long as I live.

Then he tipped the body down and let the blood flow from the body of the kitten into his open mouth, drinking it down. Anko and Kotetsu were as revulsed as I was. Anko was biting her knuckle and choking back tears and Kotetsu and I were just numb.

Kami... my stomach churned uncomfortably when he did that. I wanted to throw up but found my stomach empty. It... it was just sick! Wholly sick and disgusting! Snuffing out a life so that another life may live? That was so wrong! I thought I could do it, my humanity and my compassion would not allow me to do it. I refused to do it... oh Hokage, this has to be wrong, it must be wrong, I kept thinking. But perhaps it could have been a test to see how strong our values were. Looking back and knowing what I know now, values would probably have been the last thing that the lesson was supposed to teach us.

There was barely enough room in the cages for us to stretch out and sleep. All our cages were side-by-side so we could touch each other and such. My dreams that first night were fitful and I tossed and turned all night.

When I woke up, I was still in the cage and the door was still locked. I reached for my back pack that was annoyingly placed out of my reach outside the cage. Sensei had his back turned to us on the cot and was sleeping soundly. Soon the others woke up and sensei woke up. We were hungry but we said nothing. We didn't complain or anything. 16 hours passed in silence with the only sounds that we could hear being the soft mewing of the kittens. Orochimaru-sensei had had the nerve to eat in front of us. Our mouths watered. It had been over 24 hours since we had last eaten. Still, he offered us a kitten whenever we asked for food. Each of us shrank away from the kitten and resigned ourselves to starve.

Day Two. I woke up hungry again but this time, my stomach hurt like the devil. I was parched, my mouth was dry, and my stomach seemed as though it were devouring itself slowly and painfully. My sleep was fitful again and I was awakened by my dehydrated and hungry body every few hours. The day was passed in silence again. Sensei waved food in front of our hungry faces whenever he ate and the delicious aromas of cooking foods teased us at every mealtime for we knew that he wouldn't give us any food or water unless we killed one of the three little white kittens who could barely be more than a month old. One was so small, it's eyes hadn't opened yet. I wanted to cry; this couldn't be real, oh Kami if this is a nightmare, I begged to wake up.

Day Three. No food or water for 36 hours had wore on us. We were too weak to beg. Sensei strolled back and forth in front of us with an apple, biting into the sweet flesh of it, knowing full well he was teasing us. He half ate the apple and gave the rest to the kittens. After they nibbled at it, he grabbed one and held it up to the cages.

"Any takers?" he asked," This one has eaten... doesn't that make you angry? This pathetic little beast has a food in its belly and you don't. Isn't that a damn shame?"

Anko shrank away, Kotetsu averted his eyes, and I just didn't know what to do, as per usual. Gods, this was hard, obeying this strange human sentimentality towards cute and cuddly things while I was starving. All I had to do was be selfish for a few minutes, be a murderer of innocent life for the rest of my own. Was a life burdened with guilt worth the act that saved that wretched existence? Orochimaru smiled.

"You all can't hold out that much longer," he hissed," I'll wait for I have all the time in the world for you to complete the lesson."

"We can hold out for more than that," Anko said defiantly.

All eyes had turned towards her in awe. Orochimaru smiled.

"Words and values can't sustain you, my dear sweet Anko," he said.

"I beg to differ," she replied.

She swiftly drew a kunai and slashed her wrist horizontally. Blood flowed from the shallow cut and she brought her wrist up to her mouth. Kotetsu and I were stunned. She was drinking her own blood for sustenance! I shivered.

"I beg to differ as well, sensei," Kotetsu said.

He too drew his kunai and slashed his wrist. He hesitantly raised his wrist to his lips and drank his own lifeforce from his veins. I am still not sure if Orochimaru was surprised or pleased with what we were doing. Even I reluctantly drew a kunai and stabbed my wrist. A trickle of blood flowed. Slowly, I lifted my arm to my lips and sighed as the blood began to sooth my parched mouth. The light coppery taste caressed my tastebuds. I wanted more and in an instant, I was hooked for life though I myself did not know it. I drank for what seemed like forever until I felt Anko jab me in the arm. I looked up, blood staining my lips red. Anko's mouth was no different except she and Kotetsu had stopped drinking.

"Conserve your blood," she said," We have many, many more days ahead of us."

And indeed we did. We lost track of time at some point and seconds, minutes, hours and days seemed to mesh together into a strange amorphous blob of... something. Something so sick and twisted that time seemed to have abandoned it with disgust. I felt filthy, inside and outside. I wanted to get out of there, just like my companions did.

Everytime sensei would hold a kitten before us and tempt us, we would each weakly drag our kunai across our wrists and drink our own blood in defiance. We would not give in. We could not because if we did, subconsciously, we knew that the fragment of our compassion for other forms of life that clung to existence within each of us would be shattered into a million pieces and irrepairable. We tore our clothes to make new bandages for our wrists everytime we opened our veins. We cried dry tears when sensei left for a few hours that seemed to be mostly salt that would sting our eyes and make them burn viciously.

In the end, Kotetsu and I were weak and in need of blood, food, and water. My stomach was a ball of pain and my body weak. I couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep anymore. The world around me seemed to be surreal and I couldn't feel the ground I was sprawled across. I slid my bleary eyes shut, trying to will this hell away.

Drip, drip, drip...

Something wet on my lips... I opened my eyes and saw that Anko had cut her wrist and was feeding me. Her blood seemed a bit sweeter than my own and foreign. It was pleasent and a lot thinner than my own thick blood. This was okay, I was being sustained. I might live another day, perhaps. I cast my eyes over to Kotetsu and what I saw made my heart slide towards my stomach in an effort to placate it.

Kotetsu was on his knees by the barrier between himself and Anko, her wrist pressed to his mouth hungrily. He lapped at the blood that flowed out of her wrist and bit the skin around the cut viciously. She moaned softly and cast glazed eyes upon the young man who was currently trashing her wrist. His black eyes lolled in ecstasy and stayed rather unfocused. Kotetsu's grip on her arm was vise-like and he wasn't going to let her go anytime soon. Anko removed her wrist from my mouth and reached over to grab Kotetsu by the hair. She yanked his hair back painfully and tried to wrench her arm free. He wouldn't let go and she was getting panicky. Finally, she got him off by punching him as hard as she could in his nose, breaking it with a sickening crack.

Kotetsu reeled back. Now we had an injury and for some reason, I doubtery ery much that Orochimaru cared. He watched our display with a smile while he enjoyed fettucini alfredo with cubed meat as a matter of fact. He was taking delight in watching us shed our layers of humanity and practicality just so we could avoid having to something we had deemed in our hearts and minds as "wrong". Looking back, I bet he probably had a hard-on from watching his prized student sink so low as to drink their own blood.

He wiped his mouth in such a prissy manner that it made me want to slap the skin off his face. Then he stood and offered us a kitten. The little white furballs mewed quietly as we each recieved one. Anko stroked hers lightly, whispering to it and holding it close. It purred under her touch and snuggled close to her. Her kitten was very fat and plump, like Kotetsu's kitten. Mine looked just about as starved as I did. All of our white kittens had our blood on their pure white fur. Our taint upon their purity.

*ker-snap*

I turned my head to the right as I heard a kitten mewl in pain. Anko had her kitten in a crushing hug and the animal was clawing her breast in retaliation. Dry, salty tears formed in Anko's eyes as she crushed the kitten's ribs. I knew she didn't want to do it, it was wrong on so many levels but she had chosen her life over anothers. The broken body in her arms was crying in hurt as it died and Anko couldn't take it anymore. With a flick of her skilled hands, she broke the kitten's neck and dropped it on the floor, recoiling from it in horror.

Orochimaru smiled widely and clapped.

"Excellent, Anko," he said as he grabbed the key for her cage and opened it," There's dango and juice in the cooler."

Anko leapt out and attacked the cooler. She found the dango and juice and began to pig out, Anko-style. Kotetsu and I stared at her. Our stomachs rumbled angrily.

"You can do it," he coaxed," Just break their sad little necks and get yourself some food and out of this hole. Besides, right and wrong is dependant on one's perspective. Think about that."

Kotetsu and I exchanged glances. Our grips on our kittens shifted.

"Ichi..." I said.

We were so hungry! We hadn't eaten or drink anything besides blood in days!

"Ni..." Kotetsu said.

Oh Kami forgive us for what we are about to do...

"SAN!" we both yelled.

Our yells mercifully drowned out the sound of two necks breaking at once. And I felt it break within me. Like some great dam had just been cracked or someone dropped a mirror in my heart. Pieces, millions upon millions of tiny fragments seemed to course through out my veins. If I could've cried, I would have. This pain was too real, this sin was so great.

The doors to our cages swung open and Kotetsu and I were free. We crawled to the cooler on our hands and knees, hungry and with our grubby hands outstretched. We threw the lid open and devoured the lunchmeat. We slaked our thirst with a bottle of wine Orochimaru brought. The three of us were so ravenous that we barely noticed the huge bowls of hot chicken ramen that he had prepared for us. He called our attention to it and we ate like fiends.

About 20 minutes later, we had all unrolled our bedrolls and were fast asleep on them. I slept well that night for some sick reason. I hated myself fhat hat I had done and so did the other two. That lesson is one we will never forget.

The next day, we returned to Konoha. To my surprise, we had only been out in that hellhole for 6 days. Kam it it felt like longer. Either way, a year later and several more cruel and twisted lessons that have permanantly scarred us, Orochimaru left the village. We felt so free now that he was gone and we even tried out for the Jounin exams. We passed and selected our careers. Kotetsu and I selected the Torture and Interrogation Squad because we figured aft after 5 years of being Orochimaru's kids, we knew what torture was. Anko went on to hone her skills and become a Special Jounin who bordered on ANBU level.

Looking back, I suppose I did what I had to so I could survive. I have been telling myself for years that my killing of the kitten was a mercy on the starving animal. That aleviates me of some guilt, right? It doesn't justify what I did in my mind but it helps to make the memory a bit numb in my mind. Kotetsu has done a job job of blocking most of his unpleasent memories from our time with sensei. His kitten was fat. I don't know if he justified his killing as mercy or if he even did at all. Anko has become numb and vengeful towards Orochimaru. Her kitten was fat too. She blames herself and takes full responsibility for her actions, this I know since she whispered it to me one night in bed. I know not what goes on in her mind when she isn't busy and has nothing to distract her from her memories or if she even summons up the memory of our ordeals from time to time. All I know is that all three of us can still smile... but whose smile is more pained, I wonder...

A/N: Aight, that was the first chapter. Next chapter will start the story. Cat-lovers, don't hurt me. I am a dog person anyways. No kittens were harmed in the making of this chapter. Please leave reviews! This is merely the tip of the iceberg for what I have in store for y'all as the readers. ^_^