Unnamable, Untamable

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my perverted ideas and the writing of this fic. The characters and places are MOSTLY the creator of Naruto's.

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Unnamable, Untamable

Chapter 1

Unknown Reasons

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For some odd reason I feel the need to be completely alone. To hell with the 'special' training today. I have been standing here, being either ignored or yelled at by Sasuke and Sakura all day. Like every other day. I'm sick and tired of it.

Slowly I turn, as if looking into the morning sun over the western sky. Again I hear Sakura begin to yell at me for not paying attention to her. Funny, when I do, she doesn't like it, when I don't she doesn't like it. I smile a little to myself as my forehead protector slips slightly into my view. For an odd reason I just chuckle to myself as I begin to walk away. Again I hear her curse at me. I feel Sasuke's movements to grab my arm.

"Don't touch me, Sasuke, just leave me be." I feel his arm retreat at the malicious insanity my voice seems to hold. I hardly pick up on the fact I'm grinning, baring my fangs as I do so. I laugh, and spring from ground to the top of the wall's main gate. From there I peer over, and survey the mass amount of forest and plain. My smile fades a little as I see Kakashi slowly make his way towards the gate, reading his stupid book, ira..ika..ickie...paradise something. I should know the name by now, but, it doesn't really matter much to me.

"Get down from there! Naruto, you stupid.. Ooo!" I here Sakura ramble on and on to herself, but loud enough for anyone to pass by to hear. Some thing inside me pushed me forth, just as our teacher reached the ten feet mark from the gate. I just bolt off, land on the ground and keep running, as if I hadn't even jumped in the process. I run, getting to Kakashi's side just as he pulls out his hand to grab my jacket to stop me. He succeeds in his task, but yet also fails, as he watches me continue on in my T-shirt and net top. For me it feels great, letting the air finally touch my skin after so long of being cooped up with waiting. I only take it off to swim or bathe or sleep.

"...So...Nice..." I can feel the wind whip past my face, pulling my hair every which way. I can feel my pants being pulled back. I must be running very fast because the trees are a terrible blur, and I can hear an awful whistle in my ears, yet I keep running.

If feels so wonderful, so right. I think in my effort to run with out cause has gotten me a few good miles away from the village. Suddenly, my legs just stop working, and I fall forwards into a lake that seemingly just appeared, and slowly, I sink as if there was no land, just water. Just me, and the water as I sink hopelessly, silently screaming and kicking trying to go upwards, but only continue falling. I can't breathe, and my lungs hurt. They burn as they exhale the co2 in my lungs only to quickly inhale a load of h2o. I scream, choke and gurgle, coughing what little air I had left in my lungs into the spacious basin of water. Everything's going fuzzy and dark. and the light from above is completely fading to black...


- - - - - -


I scream, and jolt awake, no one is around, or so I think. Kakashi is standing over me, with worried look as he slowly scoops me up into his arms. That's how they all end. The dreams that is. They all seem pretty dull, and boring. All different, then, near the end I always end up running to that damned lake. Hell, once I ran away from Iruka, spontaneously, leaving a whole big bowl of ramen on the counter just to go drown myself.

Kakashi brings me back to reality when sits down where I was laying and strokes my head, rocking me gently, and cooing until I calm down. But this night, I don't. I keep sobbing. He's the only one that knows of my dreams. I wouldn't dare tell Sasuke, he'd laugh at me. Sakura just plain wouldn't care. I didn't even want Kakashi to know. He just found out one day. By accident.


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Kakashi was training a new student from a village from the other side of the country and I was the odd man out. His name was Shi I think. Anyways, The exorcise called for a double team of two, and I already knew how to do this technique with one person. Lucky me, I got to sit out and watch. Instead of watching, I got up and walked away from Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, and Shi with their odd formation that looked some what like a retard bull dog in a pretzel. Sad really. I slowly sat down by a large willow tree and watched the sun set until I fell asleep.

I had the dream again, only longer, to a point it never goes that far. I was drowning, couldn't breathe, and apparently my body was reacting to it exactly as if I was drowning. In short, my body was making me drown. Luckily, Kakashi was out looking for me at the time for it was about 3 hours after bed time, plus I had missed dinner, and I never missed a meal for any reason what-so-ever. Especially if I knew damn well Kakashi-sensei was paying.

My body physically was choking to death, my face was blue and my body was jerking violently. Kakashi nearly stepped on me. When he found me, and picked me up, shook me gently, I woke up. And thank god I did. If I was under any longer I would have died, and that's not really a very shinobi way to die now is it? When I woke up, my first reaction was to hold onto him, and cry.

Soon after the words just bubbled out of my mouth and I told him everything. How long they were, how long they had been happening for and a lot more. He reassured me he wouldn't tell a soul, then spent the next half hour comforting me.


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From then on it was a silent pact. He wouldn't tell a soul, and I would try and continue on as normally as possible and try to rid myself of these dreams. Alas, I still haven't, and it's been nearly three weeks then. I don't think I'll ever really rid myself of them.

I cuddle closer to Kakashi, and his hand beings to rub my back, up and down, up and down. It's now slowly starting to sooth me. I choke back a sob and slowly look up into his eyes. I'm some what surprised. His for head protector is off, as is his cloth for his mouth. His hair is tussled from sleep, and his eyes are glazed over.

I had moved in with Kakashi since 'incident'. The fact of rent dues, and not having enough food was one problem. Also the dreams. Kakashi was afraid I might pass away like I almost did that day. A lie he told the others was somewhat true, yet not. He told them he needed someone to wake him up so he wouldn't be late for any more meetings. And I needed some extra training. Also that I it's would economically benefit the other apartment tenets in my block if I left. No more loud noise or music. And of course I could have all the free food, hot water, electricity and company I wanted. Even if it was with his pet canines. And he actually managed to make these half truths quite believable to everybody

"Sorry if the eye is scaring you, I didn't have enough time to put it on before any one else were to check on you..." He chuckled gently before continuing. "I had to give a pretty lame excuse for running like a mad man to your room." I smiled back and sighed, snuggling closer, resting my hot flushed cheek against his cool neck. He had been downstairs, and his sharingan had notified him I was restless. I didn't know how that worked, but I exactly didn't care. He was here at my side and that was all that mattered.

"Thank you... For everything." He smiled and rocked me back and forth, gazing into my eyes. I saw many things there. I saw sadness, sorrow, happiness, anger, but one that really stood out was love.

I remembered all the training days he'd go the hardest on me, and the days where it was just me and him training. Or the days when I could sit back and relax, watch what he was teaching to Sasuke, Shi, or Sakura because I already knew the technique. Techniques he taught me ahead of time to save the agony of embarrassing myself in front of the others.

"Your welcome Naruto." It was a quiet reply, almost non existent. Like, he was distant, unsure or afraid. When I looked back up, his eyes were closed and then I found my hand slowly coming up to his face, thumb reaching to trace the line of scar tissue across his eye. He leaned in at my touch, and I could hear a soft sigh escape his dry lips.

"Why... Why am I your favourite?" His eyes popped open and he gazed at me long and hard before finally replying.

"I don't know. Yet I do. Your nothing to me. Yet everything." I sigh and lean in, kissing his lips gently. He froze up. His back went ridged. "I am sorry, but I have to go now." Standing, he places me back into my bed, and then makes his way to the door. His face in entirely unreadable, and the inner feeling in my heart are horrible. Rejection of some sort I'm sure. I'm very in tune with emotions that don't hover on hunger, happy, depression, or anger. This was more like depressed hunger. A sense of loss and loneliness. Well I was familiar with loneliness, but not the other crap.

"I understand Kakashi-sensei. I understand..." I quietly say, actually not understanding anything at all, and he leaves with out looking back. I look off to the side, to my window and out of it. Looking at the moon through the silky and transparent curtains.

My chest feels even more pained at a few memories of Kakashi playing Go with me in here. Or the 'chess' that Shi always talks about, and had taught me here. I'm quite good at go and chess. I beat anyone and everyone every time.

Then my gaze falls to all my belongings. The stuff I cart around with me on my journeys, the things given to me from what little friends I have. Furniture Kakashi-sensei has so graciously given to me to use, have or what ever I wish to do with them. My eyes finally rest on a small green and black box on top of my bamboo desk. It's a box that I had carved for myself out of a block of black jade. The designs on it are very symbolic, at least to me they are...

I find myself crawling out of bed and over to the desk, grabbing the box and then crawling back to my bed. I cradle the box, it's six inches by five and four. Mmm, length times width times height. At least that something helpful I remembered from the academy when I was little. My fingers glide along the smooth polished surface. If I remember right it took me a good year to make in total. That is a wonderful memory I'll always remember, as Kakashi-sensei was the one who gave me the chunk of jade in the first place.

It's a memory box.. An ancient type of box that you store items or photos in that are dear to you. In mine.. there's only a few pictures, my first loose tooth and my last loose tooth, a 1 yen coin with a cross scar on it. I got it from the third Hokage as some weird ass joke gift, but it made me laugh, so I put it in here. I have ring I had gotten from Jiraiya for my seventeenth birthday. It's a silver toned ring, depicting beautiful naked mermaid. The head and chest and hips are supposed to be shown while wearing, and the rest is her tail. I chuckled gently, looking at her nipples. They are tiny red rubies, and her tail is a bunch of blue and green sapphires. Her hair is made up of amber, and her eyes are a pretty amethyst. I'm sure this ring's worth over a million yen.

Moving aside the ring, there are a few old withered scrolls that were my first I had ever learned to use. A battered shuriken. But the most important thing in the box were the photos, all underneath everything else.

A photo of my team, one of Iruka smacking the crap out of bamboo training doll, one the Third I had taken right after performing the sexy no jutsu. A photo of Tsunade drinking her saki and trying to push the camera away from her in a drunken stupor AND trying to fend of horny senin. I even have a drawn copy of Kakashi's team when he was little, along with the actually copy of the photo. But the most important was a picture in a gold frame.

It was of a blonde man with hair much like my own only with long side burns and no whisker marks. He was dressed in the attire of a Hokage, minus the hat and the under robes. He was smiling and sitting on a bed with a women with light red hair holding a baby boy that looked exactly like the father except it had whisker markings on it's cheeks.

A few tears landed onto the glass, blocking out the faces of the baby and parents. My tears. No one had ever bothered to tell me that the great and honoured Forth Hokage.. The Yondaime. The saviour of the village... Was my flesh and blood. My father.

It was bad enough when I had learned I was the sole reason for the village almost becoming extinct, or rather the fact I was housing the demon who caused the trouble. It was bad enough to find out that was the only reason they hated me. Because they thought I *was* Kyuubi.

"That's enough of memory lane..." I whisper and collect my things together. My kunai, shurikens, 2 extra jumpsuits, a small bedroll and place them all into a pack and set it aside for the time being. Slowly dressing myself, not exactly happy with what I am preparing to do and then I remake the bed neatly. Not a crease or fold could be found. Then, I sit beside the bed and open the box once more. I take out the ring and put it on right middle finger, I take out my hooped earring on the left and place the 1 yen coin on it, then put it back on.

I look at the photos, and then put not only them, but also the scrolls into a small envelope, then into my jacket pocket. I leave the photo of my teacher's team, and mine there, inside the box with the old shuriken and kunai. The box will remain open.

I smile gently, although it's filled with pain and sorrow. I turn away and leave through the window, but stop right before actually jumping away. I turn back and close my eyes. The room, it still smells of him. I turn back again to the window, drawing out an orange and blue striped bandaged kunai and throw it at the spot where my body were to lay if I was still in bed, then leave.

A few blocks away, I look back and sigh. I don't plan on coming back. And so, my life now begins as a missing-nin I suppose. But one that's not wanted. One no one will come to look for. Even though Kakashi loves me, which I'm sure I was just imagining that look on his face before. He wont come looking. It's not like him, and it would raise suspicions. All I am is just that. Nothing. A missing ninja. And so, I leave the Hidden Village of the leaf.

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TBC

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R&R