The Proud Green Bet (take 2)

The Proud Green Bet

Author’s Note:style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I hope you enjoy this little porn-comedy class=SpellE>fic I whipped up. I
love Tsunade; I can both identify with her and be
attracted to her… an odd mix. class=SpellE>Gai’s just cool, in an odd funny way.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> The eyebrows, the hair, the
clothes… heh.
Anyway I hope you find it funny and erotic and entertaining.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Anyway… you people out there: read and review
and don’t be afraid to pour on the criticism. I am looking to improve here, not to feel good.

Thank you, and enjoy.

“What? There’s no way!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> What the hell gave you that ridiculous idea? ”
Sarutobi Asuma was more
than a little drunk, his unshakable calmness beginning to fade as he argued
over sake in the Silver Shuriken bar.

class=SpellE>Kakashi was undeterred.
“I’ve known him for a long time.
He just seems that way to me. I
mean, look at the gestures, the language, the clothes… and how close he is to
that one student of his. If he wasn’t,
he wouldn’t let it look as if he was.”

style='mso-spacerun:yes'> “Close to his student?style='mso-spacerun:yes'> That should be a good thing, damn it!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Are you going to accuse him of being a
pedophile too, now? I know you’re such a
veteran you’re afraid to care about anyone anymore in case they get killed, but
some people—”

style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Kurenai, flushed and
slurring her words, cut him off.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> “Asuma, class=SpellE>Gai is totally gay.
You’ve got to be blind not to see it!
He wears a skin tight green jumpsuit.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Wearing that thing, he looks like he has a
whole breakfast in his crotch—sausage and eggs with a few hash browns scattered
around on top. He hugs, and cries, and
when I asked him out he got nervous and said no.”

“So he
doesn’t want to date you, and he’s a little weird!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Doesn’t mean he doesn’t
want to date any woman.”

class=SpellE>Kakashi looked weary of the argument, sipping at his drink
through the air holes in his mask.
“Sigh… Asuma, you’re trying very hard not to
see this. Does it scare you or
something?”

“What the
hell is that supposed to mean?”

“What the
hell is what supposed to mean?”

The class=SpellE>jounins looked up as Tsunade sat
down next to Kakashi and ordered a drink.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> “Barkeep, a Sake class=SpellE>Bunshin, please.
Make it a triple.” In a
puff of smoke, the bartender produced a threesome of identical shots.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Tsunade turned to class=SpellE>Asuma again. “What’s
what supposed to mean?”

class=GramE>“Hokage-sama… uh… nothing. We were
just discussing another jounin.”

class=SpellE>Kurenai brashly spelled it out.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> “Asuma doesn’t
believe that Gai is gay.”

class=GramE>“Gai, gay?style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Of course not!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> He’s just… class=GramE>Gai.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> He’s odd.”

“You too, huh,
Godaime-sama?” Kakashi asked
tiredly. “I’ve known him for years.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> He has a sort of strange obsession with me,
you know. I ‘m pretty sure he is gay.”

“Not a
chance, Kakashi.
I can spot a gay male right off.
Listen to your elders.”

“Ha!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> See?
The Hokage agrees with me!” said class=SpellE>Asuma.

“Respectfully,
Asuma, the last Hokage
agreed with us and so do most of the students.
You guys lose.”

“Lose?style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Bah!
There’s no way you can be sure he isn’t straight.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> For one thing—” Tsunade
swallowed her last sake bunshin—“what men has
he been with, hmm?”

No one
could answer.

“Ha!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> You see?
Barkeep, another drink, please.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Something dry, and that won’t put me to
sleep. Hmm… make it a Desert Coffee.”

As the
night wore on, the four argued endlessly over whether Gai
was gay, bi, or just strange. They were
all getting quite tipsy. As the debate
grew louder, Kakashi began to realize that something
needed to be done.

“class=SpellE>Oe… listen, you guys, and class=SpellE>Tsunade-sama. This
isn’t the first time this argument’s been had.
It’s a long-running thing. We’ve
been arguing over it for years and it’s time something was done.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> We’ve got to settle this once and for all or
we’re going to end up getting in a chakra-powered bar
fight over it.”

class=SpellE>Tsunade raised an eyebrow.
“Hmm.
What’d you have in mind? Barkeep,
a ninja slash. With lemon!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> And more ice this time!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Damnit!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I wanna Rocks.”

“We’ll test
him.”

“Ha!style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Test him, eh?
And if he… ‘fails?’style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Then you’ll be eating your words, Cockatoo.”

class=SpellE>Kurenai cautioned her.
“Godaime-sama, don’t be overconfident.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I know this man.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> I’ve sort of ‘tested’ him before and he
passed with flying rainbow colors.”

class=GramE>“Hn.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> The test just needs to be harder.style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Why don’t you put your money where your mouth
is, Yuuhi Kurenai and class=SpellE>Hatake Kakashi?”

class=SpellE>Kakashi raised his eyebrow.
“How much did you have in mind?”

And thus,
it began.