Gin and Kerosene
folder
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,130
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Naruto › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,130
Reviews:
14
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Gin and Kerosene
Title: Gin and Kerosene
Fandom: Naruto
Genre: Humor/Drama/Angst/Romance/Pervertedness/Parody/Bandfic
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Sasuke/Naruto, Orochimaru/Sasuke, Gaara/Naruto, Lee/Sakura, Temari/Shikamaru, Zabuza/Haku, mild Kimimaro/Haku, Orochimaru/Kimimaro, Neji/Naruto
Summary: Every bandfic in the world meets Moulin Rouge. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, have you?
Author's Note: Yes, I know that the title is a Fall Out Boy line. That's why I chose it for the title. First off, a fuckload of credit goes to my beta, Most flogged, for a) having me watch Moulin Rouge for the first time a few months ago, b) giving me the idea for a Gravitation fic with Naruto characters, and c) proofreading this chapter so that it hopefully doesn't suck as much. Credit also goes to Kaye, because she kicked ass over the summer by letting me listen to her Moulin Rouge soundtrack. The rest of the credit goes to the many many bands I listen to. Mostly Fall Out Boy right now. This fic started out with Most flogged's idea that Naruto should be a musical, (which it should) and I just randomly started writing in hopes that I'd be able to like it and continue. So here we are. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Naruto = not mine. Fucking Viz.
---
Naruto Uzumaki was not one to think much about suicide. Of course, it was not like he thought much about anything. Life is life, so why not make the best of of it and deal? And it was with this cheery outlook on the world that he flopped down on the bed of his new apartment in Konoha.
In terms of looks, at twenty-one years old he had nothing to be ashamed of. His hair was a bright yellow (not even blond, just yellow) and his eyes had the sort of blue glow found only in the purer – or dimmer – of mind and heart. Similarly, the rest of his features seemed to bear a perpetually youthful touch. This was based mostly on six scars, three on each cheek, that were arranged in such a way that it gave one the distinct impression of a fox. And as far as height went, Naruto tended to lack it. His growth spurt had been a quick and short one, thus leaving the boy only a little taller than the average girl. Often in the past he would bemoan this, but after a few years of simply not growing, he gave up and devised ways to use his shortness to his advantage. Mainly they involved stairs and “accidentally” looking up girls’ skirts. Good times.
But the days of pranks were now over. Here, he had a new start on life. A new living space, new neighbors, a new chance at fame and fortune. It did not matter where it came from, as long as he was able to find his calling and—
CRASH!
Just then, an unconscious narcaleptic and a green spandex-clad Bruce Lee rip-off crashed through the flimsy ceiling.
No lie.
Naruto promptly delivered a yell/screech hybrid to break all sound barriers, jumping up to cling to the bedpost.
“UWAAAAAAGH!! Who the hell are you and what do you want?”
Bruce Lee got up, brushed himself off, and bowed over-elegantly. “Ah, my apologies! I am your new landlord. We discussed your living accomodations over the phone? My name is Rock Lee, how do you do?”
Eyebrows. Naruto’s first thought was Eyebrows.
Then he remembered. Landlord! Right! The guy who rented out this (really fucking cheap!) apartment to him and, if Naruto remembered correctly, played for the band occupying the other half of the two-apartment complex.
Lee-Eyebrows extended a hand. For all anyone knew, he might be falling through the floor into someone else’s room on a daily basis.
“I’m Uzumaki Naruto,” Naruto answered, un-attaching himself from the bedpost and hesitantly accepting the gesture. “Who’s the dead guy?”
While shaking Naruto’s hand a bit too enthusiastically, Lee swept his other arm out over the body. “Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Uzumaki. This is Nara Shikamaru. He’s not dead; I’m afraid that he suffers from narcalepsy. We were just going over a song and he was fine one moment, knocked out the next!”
The word “narcalepsy” was not part of Naruto’s vocabulary. It sounded like one of those words he would have learned in biology if that class didn’t qualify as naptime. Nonetheless, he nodded as if he knew what Lee was talking about. The man went on.
“Oh, he’ll wake up when the mood strikes him. Now, we do need an outsider’s opinion on our work—“
Naruto barely let Lee finish his own sentence.
“I’ll do it!” he yelled, and then he could have sworn that Lee’s smile gave off a “ping!” of light before the man pulled him up to the band’s apartment.
Still disoriented from the crash, Naruto was able to pull together his thoughts when they got inside a place that looked like the recording studio/practice area from hell.
Well, maybe not hell. But at least an ungodly garbage dump.
It was the average three bedroom, one bathroom deal. From his angle at the doorstep, Naruto could catch a glimpse of a kitchen beyond what was meant to be a modest living room. But it had all been turned into a jungle of wires and recording equipment, with every kind of trash strewn across the floor. A decent-sized TV (complete with video/DVD player, PS2, Xbox, and Gamecube) crouched on the carpet by a scuffed table, barely visible under enough folders and paper to make a tree-lover’s knees buckle. Half-finished cartons of Chinese take-out teetered on the edge with week-old zen balance, giving the air an ancient sesame noodle sort of smell. Near one of the table legs was a red dog bowl, but the scribble on it was impossible to decipher. On the other side of the room, where cables and technology sat in their nest, lay what had to be the band’s instruments. Some were in cases, but Naruto made out a guitar, bass guitar, keyboard, drum set, and three microphones. Four speakers towered nobly around it all, two on each side.
Naruto wondered whether he had landed in heaven or hell.
“ARF ARF ARF!!”
Lee was suddenly tackled by a ball of whitish fur and noise. Right after it came the owner, a boy around Naruto’s age with tousled brown hair and slanted eyes. He pounced on the furry thing (some kind of small dog), then held it under one arm while studying the newcomer. After a second or two, he turned back to Lee.
“Hey, what happened to Shikamaru?”
Shrugging, Lee replied, “Oh, narcalepsy again. I’ll let him sleep it off in the other apartment.” At this, he turned back to Naruto, somehow not noticing that he still had a deathgrip on the boy’s wrist. Was he a fricking Jackie Chan under all that spandex?
“This is Inuzuka Kiba, our bassist. Kiba, meet Uzumaki Naruto. Shake, boy.”
“Jeez, what’s with everyone and the fucking dog jokes?” Dog-guy (as Naruto would now forever know him) growled. But he took Naruto’s free hand and grunted some kind of hello.
“Good Kiba,” Lee-Eyebrows said, patting the musician on the head and moving away too quickly for him to bite back. “Now, go tell Sakura and the rest of Scroll that we have our man.”
“Yeah, yeah. Make me the goddamn messenger puppy…”
Less than a minute later, a pink-haired girl and your generic fat guy came out of the kitchen at Kiba’s summons.
Here was the moment that Naruto wanted to pause, rewind, and play in slow motion over and over again until he could think no longer.
Pink Hair was every guy’s dream. Just cute enough to be on the edge of beauty, with these BIG eyes the color of a green sea-sky. She knew how to dress, too. Pink spaghetti strap top with a black skirt that showed more than enough leg, plus a pair of high-heeled boots. And now she was looking at him, parting a pair of rosy-glossed lips to say…
“Who’s he?”
Cue end of daydream sequence.
Before Lee could explain, Naruto stepped up to the plate. “The name’s Uzumaki Naruto, and I’m gonna be something one day!” he told the world and its mother. Yes, with an awesome pose to boot.
But that wasn’t scoring him any points. So he stuffed his hands (both freed from the announcement) into his pockets and tried to look cool. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Lee look at Pink Hair the way a vassal would gaze upon his Queen. Looked like he wasn’t the only one with a massive crush.
Then Fat Guy looked at Lee, asking, “Shikamaru’s out again, isn’t he?”
“Must you ask?”
A sigh. “Thought so.”
Lee gestured toward Pink Hair and Fat Guy. “Miss Haruno Sakura, our lead singer, and Akimichi Chouji, the drums expert.”
Chouji held out his hand good-naturedly. “Nice to meet you, Naruto.”
“Same,” the yellow-haired boy answered, shaking his hand. Inwardly, he assumed that this was probably the only sane guy in the band.
Grinning proudly, Lee swept an arm out over his three fellows. “And we are… FORBIDDEN SCROLL!”
Needless to say, that was accompanied by dramatic posing that Naruto could not ever hope to equal.
It was time for Naruto to reallywonder what the hell he had gotten himself into.
“Now, because we have a guest, why don’t we do a song or two, eh?” Eyebrows suggested/ordered. “Naruto, please have a seat.”
The band muttered amongst themselves while Naruto found a folding chair and planted his rear in it. Eventually they picked their way to the instruments, leaving only the keyboard without a companion. Sakura grabbed her microphone in one hand, signaling Forbidden Scroll with the other.
“One, two, three GO!”
What followed, Naruto was at loss as to how to describe it.
“I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing through the melting walls
Who will be the first to begin their fall?
Or will we become one?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing bright before descent
And in the morning, there is nothing left, but what's inside of me
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?”
Sure, Naruto had seen the rise and fall of crappy high school bands with names like Sexy no Jutsu and Ninja Squirrel.
But this dysfunctional crew called Forbidden Scroll was something else altogether. A simple bond of melody wove spells upon the four individuals, consuming them until all that was left was unable for Naruto to comprehend. Each person seemed so different from the rest on their own, with vibrant Lee, canine Kiba, and delicate Sakura clashing against one another like the colors of Naruto’s own wardobe. But, when pulled close by even one song, there came a sense of understanding between them all. But whatever that understanding was, Naruto couldn’t quite figure it out. He didn’t feel white knuckles on his hands popping as his nails dug into the flesh of his palm. And when, later that night, he saw thin red crescents there, he didn’t remember where they came from.
”And I don't want to, die tonight will you believe in me
And I don't, want to fall into the light
Will you wish upon, will you walk upon me?
I don't wanna die tonight
Will you believe in me tonight?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?”
* * *
“But Sakuraaaa… This is our fourth fucking cover!” Inuzuka Kiba growled irritably. He plucked at a string or two on the bass guitar, a loud fire-truck red that more than suited him.
The pink-haired girl he was speaking to, Haruno Sakura, sighed with the kind of tone normally reserved for children who ask too much and know too little. She explained for the umpteenth time.
“Kiba, can you honestly think of anyone who doesn’t like the Goo Goo Dolls? We need this song! Besides,” she tossed her hair back loftily, “I’m still not done editing our original stuff.”
“You mean your original crap,” Kiba said.
“Well excuse me for having any lyrical talent!” Sakura snapped. “If you’re unhappy with my work, then go write some songs yourself!”
This had Kiba trapped. He knew that he didn’t have the capacity for creating anything more complicated than warm-ups. But then again, pride wouldn’t let him show his belly.
Naruto looked on uncomfortably. He could’ve taken sides in a heartbeat – Kiba had a good point – but since he couldn’t call himself a real member of Forbidden Scroll, it would just look stupid to join in an argument like that.
Two months was enough for him to learn a little bit about the workings of a band. Lee was teaching him a bit of guitar when the chance arose, and Kiba usually was willing to show off whatever he knew. Anything else Naruto picked up from just hanging around. No one seemed to mind his presence yet; a very good thing. The boy used this to his advantage by taking every oppurtunity to run errands if they were needed. Usually it was just to run down to the local Dunkin’ Donuts for Sakura’s midnight espressos; “Inspiration!” she called them.
Naruto had been pressing himself lately to think more about that dreaded issue – a job. He had enough savings left to pay off next month’s rent and about two weeks of food, though the latter would have to be instant ramen. Newspapers lay strewn recklessly across his kitchen table with possible employments circled in orange hilighter. But despite the preparation, his involvement with Forbidden Scroll was putting off needed phone calls and interviews. Naruto didn’t like worrying about the future. However, as days ticked by, he was finding himself forced to do just that.
“Fuck, I don’t have time for this. I’m going out to get Chinese. Naruto, Chouji, wanna come?”
Kiba’s mention of food brought Naruto back into the present.
“Eh, no thanks. Just bring me back something noodle-y and I’ll pay you back,” he said, leaning back on the limp-cushioned chair.
Akimichi Chouji perked up. He nudged the resident narcaleptic awake. “Hey, Shikamaru. Wanna go get dinner with Kiba?”
The keyboardist yawned, looking at them both with disinterest. “Not particularly,” he drawled, “But I’ll do it anyway.”
“It’s appreciated,” Chouji replied. He fished out a car key and tossed it to Kiba. “You get the Jeep tonight. We’ll be down right after you to make sure that Shikamaru’s not gonna fall asleep again.”
“Alright.” Catching the keys one-handed, the brunette headed down to the garage. He didn’t comment about the candy cane keychain.
Naruto glanced at Sakura as the other two band members left. “You don’t want Chinese?” he asked incredulously.
The singer snorted, her cutesy façade slipping even further. “Of course I don’t! Do you have any idea of what goes into those sauces? Not to mention the pork and duck!” She shuddered. “It’s so fattening, ugh!”
Blue eyes widened. For someone to not like Chinese… That was nearly impossible! He opened his mouth to argue, but then reconsidered. Girls have weird habits; it took him some bad experiences in eight grade to learn this the hard way. A good idea was not to ask.
“Anyway,” Sakura continued, “I’m going to treat myself to Starbucks. Later!”
Before Naruto had time to ask why a cookie and frappuccino was better than General Tsao’s chicken, she had grabbed her purse and was out the door.
Tentatively, the boy spoke into a hollow silence. “Lee?”
….
“Lee?”
….
“LEE—oh.”
The calendar on the wall said it was Thursday. Lee worked Tuesdays, Thursday, and Saturdays. Naruto let his head thud onto the back of the chair. And since Eyebrows wasn’t back yet, it probably meant he was on overtime for extra money. Dammit.
This looked like his cue to trudge back into his apartment, where glorious wanted ads awaited him. Really fucking fun.
As he threw on his orange jacket – “artistically” graffitied in red, black, and blue – and turned off the lights, a glint on Sakura’s microphone caught his eye. Sure, it was just from the streetlamp outside, and maybe watered down moonlight. But for this second, Uzumaki Naruto could not resist his vision of the Holy Grail.
He walked to the middle of the room and touched it. The gesture was uncertain, but as soon as flesh met metal…
“Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it.”
Fall Out Boy. A random song pulled off the top of his head. Naruto couldn’t call it magic. Magic was what dimestore magicians used to hold the attention spans of five-year-olds.
But this… this was a feeling that he called right because that’s what it was. The mic and the stage and the music and the fans that were going to be screaming hoarse for him.
“Down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it.
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down
Down, down
We're going down, down
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it.”
Naruto didn’t know how to sing. He heard the bands, liked how they sounded, but never went and grabbed a bar of soap in the shower, pretending that it was a mic while he belted out the latest from the Gorrillaz. Hell, he usually made a point of not singing.
And now there was the shiny in the moonstreetlight and the song-words from off the top of his head and maybe he got them from a fey drunken party or maybe not…
“Caught you in the photo flash
From the rave, lost the hard cash
Bending like a cat
Landing on my side
Gave you booze and beer cups
Then I saw the D-cups
On someone, maybe her
You know the girl next door
Call me a used, chemical romance
But I know I know
Taking back a Sunday leaves no room for Monday
Or the green days that’ll come on after
I know I know
You wanted a reliant, goo-eyed doll
But they’re falling out of those
Net you 29 butterflies
Now my mind in the gutter flies
Wanna call it hope
Gonna say it’s hell
The hurt starts to go in fast
Crash the present on the past
Like a photograph
One I took of you
Call me a used, chemical romance
But I know I know
Taking back a Sunday leaves no room for Monday
Or the green days that’ll come on after
I know I know
You wanted a reliant, goo-eyed doll
But they’re falling out of those
I’m falling out of those…
No good with flowers when I took a rose
It’s slowly dying by my computer.”
Somewhere between the song, one that he’d never figure out where it came from, and the fading note on his lips, Naruto got an audience.
“Holy… fucking… SHIT, Naruto!”
For once, Kiba did an apt job of voicing everyone’s thoughts.
Lee looked just about orgasmic.
* * *
Naruto shifted nervously in place, hands slick with sweat.
“Well?” came the bored question.
The boy looked back at Shikamaru. “R-right now? This second?”
“Of COARSE this second!” Lee roared. His bottle of Green Beast, still a third full, sprayed them all as he flailed around. The man looked pretty damn happy, even for Lee.
This was doing a good job of disturbing the rest of Forbidden Scroll.
But, pinned by five pairs of eyes (six, if you wanted to count Kiba’s dog that randomly appeared out of nowhere), Naruto had no choice but to submit. Screwing shut his own eyes, he found the beat in the air and began Scroll’s cover of “Iris”.
The song’s lullaby tones erased him, then filled in the lines with glaring sensation; eager and numbing as an epiphany.
“And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now…”
Sakura was livid. Pink-hair-against-red-face-so-it-looks-like-a-Valentine’s-Day-card livid.
“Stop it! I can’t work with you people anymore!” she cried halfway through the second verse. Tears glittering dramatically at the corners of her eyes, the girl ranted, “Forbidden Scroll doesn’t need me anymore now that you have him and hisgorgeous voice. You all never liked my songs, anyway!”
“But Sakura—”
“Hey—“
“Wha—“
“Crap—“
No amount of unfinished pleas could change her mind. Before Lee could pull off something gallant, Haruno Sakura had grabbed her lyric sheets and was out the door for good.
Five seconds later, Haruno Sakura burst back in to get her coat. Then she was out the door for good.
In the end, it was Green Beast that saved Naruto and Lee from going into depression.
* * *
Two weeks later, no one was very surprised when Rock Lee came back from work, singing Spanish pop with his new bottle of Grean Beast.
“DRINKS ALL AROUND!! I GOT SCROLL A PRODUCEEEEEEER!!”
Now they were surprised.
“Hnng?”
“Are you serious, Lee?”
“You’ve gotta be shitting me!”
Awesome!”
“PAPA SAID DRIIIIIIINNNKKSS AAAALLLLLL AROOOOOOOOUNNNDDD!!”
Who could object to that? Within minutes, everyone had a shotglass of Green Beast that was more or less empty. Except for Shikamaru, who went unconscious before he cound finish his.
“Heyy Nahruudo…” Lee slurred. He flung an arm around Naruto’s shoulder in a brotherly fashion.
“Not now, Eyebrows! I wanna watch Gai, the Green Fairy!” the boy whined.
“Gasp! You can see him, too?”
“We all fucking can!” Kiba yelled, pouring himself another shot with a grin.
Lee truly couldn’t have looked happier.
Probably the most sober one in the house, Chouji contemplated the ceiling, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Gai is a very good dancer, “ he remarked gravely. This was his second refill.
Naruto, meanwhile, decided to give in and join Lee in singing the Macarena with Gai. The fact that he failed out of Spanish in eighth grade made absolutely no difference. It also gave him an excuse to dance out of Kiba’s way when the bassist got it into his head that running around and wearing red silk boxers on one’s head is the best thing in the world.
“I’M SUPERMAAAAANNNN!!”
“Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
HEEEYYY MACARENA!! (Break it down!)”
“Do you think Gai would join us for tea this afternoon, Shikamaru?”
Some snoring from Shikamaru’s end.
“Of course he doesn’t think I’m fat! Because if he did, then I’d have to kill him.”
“DANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP KIBA, OR I’LL SEND YOU TO THE GODDAMN VET!!”
A whimper from under the boxers.
“NUU!! RETREAT, ROBIN!! RETREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAATT!!”
“Arf arf!”
“Now, where were we, Gai?”
“Macarena tiene un novio que se llama
Que se llama apellido Vitorino,
Que en la jura de bandera el muchacho
SEEE LA DIO CON DOS AMIGOS!! (One more time!)”
---
And that's all for now, until I get off my lazy ass and finish up the second chapter. And if anyone had the balls to read this, much less review it, it'd be nice if you could check out my other stuff. It's mostly one-shots, not a huge thing like this is going to be.
Flames are worthless. Don't even bother trying 'em.
Fandom: Naruto
Genre: Humor/Drama/Angst/Romance/Pervertedness/Parody/Bandfic
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Sasuke/Naruto, Orochimaru/Sasuke, Gaara/Naruto, Lee/Sakura, Temari/Shikamaru, Zabuza/Haku, mild Kimimaro/Haku, Orochimaru/Kimimaro, Neji/Naruto
Summary: Every bandfic in the world meets Moulin Rouge. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into, have you?
Author's Note: Yes, I know that the title is a Fall Out Boy line. That's why I chose it for the title. First off, a fuckload of credit goes to my beta, Most flogged, for a) having me watch Moulin Rouge for the first time a few months ago, b) giving me the idea for a Gravitation fic with Naruto characters, and c) proofreading this chapter so that it hopefully doesn't suck as much. Credit also goes to Kaye, because she kicked ass over the summer by letting me listen to her Moulin Rouge soundtrack. The rest of the credit goes to the many many bands I listen to. Mostly Fall Out Boy right now. This fic started out with Most flogged's idea that Naruto should be a musical, (which it should) and I just randomly started writing in hopes that I'd be able to like it and continue. So here we are. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Naruto = not mine. Fucking Viz.
---
Naruto Uzumaki was not one to think much about suicide. Of course, it was not like he thought much about anything. Life is life, so why not make the best of of it and deal? And it was with this cheery outlook on the world that he flopped down on the bed of his new apartment in Konoha.
In terms of looks, at twenty-one years old he had nothing to be ashamed of. His hair was a bright yellow (not even blond, just yellow) and his eyes had the sort of blue glow found only in the purer – or dimmer – of mind and heart. Similarly, the rest of his features seemed to bear a perpetually youthful touch. This was based mostly on six scars, three on each cheek, that were arranged in such a way that it gave one the distinct impression of a fox. And as far as height went, Naruto tended to lack it. His growth spurt had been a quick and short one, thus leaving the boy only a little taller than the average girl. Often in the past he would bemoan this, but after a few years of simply not growing, he gave up and devised ways to use his shortness to his advantage. Mainly they involved stairs and “accidentally” looking up girls’ skirts. Good times.
But the days of pranks were now over. Here, he had a new start on life. A new living space, new neighbors, a new chance at fame and fortune. It did not matter where it came from, as long as he was able to find his calling and—
CRASH!
Just then, an unconscious narcaleptic and a green spandex-clad Bruce Lee rip-off crashed through the flimsy ceiling.
No lie.
Naruto promptly delivered a yell/screech hybrid to break all sound barriers, jumping up to cling to the bedpost.
“UWAAAAAAGH!! Who the hell are you and what do you want?”
Bruce Lee got up, brushed himself off, and bowed over-elegantly. “Ah, my apologies! I am your new landlord. We discussed your living accomodations over the phone? My name is Rock Lee, how do you do?”
Eyebrows. Naruto’s first thought was Eyebrows.
Then he remembered. Landlord! Right! The guy who rented out this (really fucking cheap!) apartment to him and, if Naruto remembered correctly, played for the band occupying the other half of the two-apartment complex.
Lee-Eyebrows extended a hand. For all anyone knew, he might be falling through the floor into someone else’s room on a daily basis.
“I’m Uzumaki Naruto,” Naruto answered, un-attaching himself from the bedpost and hesitantly accepting the gesture. “Who’s the dead guy?”
While shaking Naruto’s hand a bit too enthusiastically, Lee swept his other arm out over the body. “Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Uzumaki. This is Nara Shikamaru. He’s not dead; I’m afraid that he suffers from narcalepsy. We were just going over a song and he was fine one moment, knocked out the next!”
The word “narcalepsy” was not part of Naruto’s vocabulary. It sounded like one of those words he would have learned in biology if that class didn’t qualify as naptime. Nonetheless, he nodded as if he knew what Lee was talking about. The man went on.
“Oh, he’ll wake up when the mood strikes him. Now, we do need an outsider’s opinion on our work—“
Naruto barely let Lee finish his own sentence.
“I’ll do it!” he yelled, and then he could have sworn that Lee’s smile gave off a “ping!” of light before the man pulled him up to the band’s apartment.
Still disoriented from the crash, Naruto was able to pull together his thoughts when they got inside a place that looked like the recording studio/practice area from hell.
Well, maybe not hell. But at least an ungodly garbage dump.
It was the average three bedroom, one bathroom deal. From his angle at the doorstep, Naruto could catch a glimpse of a kitchen beyond what was meant to be a modest living room. But it had all been turned into a jungle of wires and recording equipment, with every kind of trash strewn across the floor. A decent-sized TV (complete with video/DVD player, PS2, Xbox, and Gamecube) crouched on the carpet by a scuffed table, barely visible under enough folders and paper to make a tree-lover’s knees buckle. Half-finished cartons of Chinese take-out teetered on the edge with week-old zen balance, giving the air an ancient sesame noodle sort of smell. Near one of the table legs was a red dog bowl, but the scribble on it was impossible to decipher. On the other side of the room, where cables and technology sat in their nest, lay what had to be the band’s instruments. Some were in cases, but Naruto made out a guitar, bass guitar, keyboard, drum set, and three microphones. Four speakers towered nobly around it all, two on each side.
Naruto wondered whether he had landed in heaven or hell.
“ARF ARF ARF!!”
Lee was suddenly tackled by a ball of whitish fur and noise. Right after it came the owner, a boy around Naruto’s age with tousled brown hair and slanted eyes. He pounced on the furry thing (some kind of small dog), then held it under one arm while studying the newcomer. After a second or two, he turned back to Lee.
“Hey, what happened to Shikamaru?”
Shrugging, Lee replied, “Oh, narcalepsy again. I’ll let him sleep it off in the other apartment.” At this, he turned back to Naruto, somehow not noticing that he still had a deathgrip on the boy’s wrist. Was he a fricking Jackie Chan under all that spandex?
“This is Inuzuka Kiba, our bassist. Kiba, meet Uzumaki Naruto. Shake, boy.”
“Jeez, what’s with everyone and the fucking dog jokes?” Dog-guy (as Naruto would now forever know him) growled. But he took Naruto’s free hand and grunted some kind of hello.
“Good Kiba,” Lee-Eyebrows said, patting the musician on the head and moving away too quickly for him to bite back. “Now, go tell Sakura and the rest of Scroll that we have our man.”
“Yeah, yeah. Make me the goddamn messenger puppy…”
Less than a minute later, a pink-haired girl and your generic fat guy came out of the kitchen at Kiba’s summons.
Here was the moment that Naruto wanted to pause, rewind, and play in slow motion over and over again until he could think no longer.
Pink Hair was every guy’s dream. Just cute enough to be on the edge of beauty, with these BIG eyes the color of a green sea-sky. She knew how to dress, too. Pink spaghetti strap top with a black skirt that showed more than enough leg, plus a pair of high-heeled boots. And now she was looking at him, parting a pair of rosy-glossed lips to say…
“Who’s he?”
Cue end of daydream sequence.
Before Lee could explain, Naruto stepped up to the plate. “The name’s Uzumaki Naruto, and I’m gonna be something one day!” he told the world and its mother. Yes, with an awesome pose to boot.
But that wasn’t scoring him any points. So he stuffed his hands (both freed from the announcement) into his pockets and tried to look cool. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Lee look at Pink Hair the way a vassal would gaze upon his Queen. Looked like he wasn’t the only one with a massive crush.
Then Fat Guy looked at Lee, asking, “Shikamaru’s out again, isn’t he?”
“Must you ask?”
A sigh. “Thought so.”
Lee gestured toward Pink Hair and Fat Guy. “Miss Haruno Sakura, our lead singer, and Akimichi Chouji, the drums expert.”
Chouji held out his hand good-naturedly. “Nice to meet you, Naruto.”
“Same,” the yellow-haired boy answered, shaking his hand. Inwardly, he assumed that this was probably the only sane guy in the band.
Grinning proudly, Lee swept an arm out over his three fellows. “And we are… FORBIDDEN SCROLL!”
Needless to say, that was accompanied by dramatic posing that Naruto could not ever hope to equal.
It was time for Naruto to reallywonder what the hell he had gotten himself into.
“Now, because we have a guest, why don’t we do a song or two, eh?” Eyebrows suggested/ordered. “Naruto, please have a seat.”
The band muttered amongst themselves while Naruto found a folding chair and planted his rear in it. Eventually they picked their way to the instruments, leaving only the keyboard without a companion. Sakura grabbed her microphone in one hand, signaling Forbidden Scroll with the other.
“One, two, three GO!”
What followed, Naruto was at loss as to how to describe it.
“I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing through the melting walls
Who will be the first to begin their fall?
Or will we become one?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
I saw a star beneath the stairs
Glowing bright before descent
And in the morning, there is nothing left, but what's inside of me
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?”
Sure, Naruto had seen the rise and fall of crappy high school bands with names like Sexy no Jutsu and Ninja Squirrel.
But this dysfunctional crew called Forbidden Scroll was something else altogether. A simple bond of melody wove spells upon the four individuals, consuming them until all that was left was unable for Naruto to comprehend. Each person seemed so different from the rest on their own, with vibrant Lee, canine Kiba, and delicate Sakura clashing against one another like the colors of Naruto’s own wardobe. But, when pulled close by even one song, there came a sense of understanding between them all. But whatever that understanding was, Naruto couldn’t quite figure it out. He didn’t feel white knuckles on his hands popping as his nails dug into the flesh of his palm. And when, later that night, he saw thin red crescents there, he didn’t remember where they came from.
”And I don't want to, die tonight will you believe in me
And I don't, want to fall into the light
Will you wish upon, will you walk upon me?
I don't wanna die tonight
Will you believe in me tonight?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?
Am I the star beneath the stairs?
Am I the ghost upon the stage, am I your anything?”
* * *
“But Sakuraaaa… This is our fourth fucking cover!” Inuzuka Kiba growled irritably. He plucked at a string or two on the bass guitar, a loud fire-truck red that more than suited him.
The pink-haired girl he was speaking to, Haruno Sakura, sighed with the kind of tone normally reserved for children who ask too much and know too little. She explained for the umpteenth time.
“Kiba, can you honestly think of anyone who doesn’t like the Goo Goo Dolls? We need this song! Besides,” she tossed her hair back loftily, “I’m still not done editing our original stuff.”
“You mean your original crap,” Kiba said.
“Well excuse me for having any lyrical talent!” Sakura snapped. “If you’re unhappy with my work, then go write some songs yourself!”
This had Kiba trapped. He knew that he didn’t have the capacity for creating anything more complicated than warm-ups. But then again, pride wouldn’t let him show his belly.
Naruto looked on uncomfortably. He could’ve taken sides in a heartbeat – Kiba had a good point – but since he couldn’t call himself a real member of Forbidden Scroll, it would just look stupid to join in an argument like that.
Two months was enough for him to learn a little bit about the workings of a band. Lee was teaching him a bit of guitar when the chance arose, and Kiba usually was willing to show off whatever he knew. Anything else Naruto picked up from just hanging around. No one seemed to mind his presence yet; a very good thing. The boy used this to his advantage by taking every oppurtunity to run errands if they were needed. Usually it was just to run down to the local Dunkin’ Donuts for Sakura’s midnight espressos; “Inspiration!” she called them.
Naruto had been pressing himself lately to think more about that dreaded issue – a job. He had enough savings left to pay off next month’s rent and about two weeks of food, though the latter would have to be instant ramen. Newspapers lay strewn recklessly across his kitchen table with possible employments circled in orange hilighter. But despite the preparation, his involvement with Forbidden Scroll was putting off needed phone calls and interviews. Naruto didn’t like worrying about the future. However, as days ticked by, he was finding himself forced to do just that.
“Fuck, I don’t have time for this. I’m going out to get Chinese. Naruto, Chouji, wanna come?”
Kiba’s mention of food brought Naruto back into the present.
“Eh, no thanks. Just bring me back something noodle-y and I’ll pay you back,” he said, leaning back on the limp-cushioned chair.
Akimichi Chouji perked up. He nudged the resident narcaleptic awake. “Hey, Shikamaru. Wanna go get dinner with Kiba?”
The keyboardist yawned, looking at them both with disinterest. “Not particularly,” he drawled, “But I’ll do it anyway.”
“It’s appreciated,” Chouji replied. He fished out a car key and tossed it to Kiba. “You get the Jeep tonight. We’ll be down right after you to make sure that Shikamaru’s not gonna fall asleep again.”
“Alright.” Catching the keys one-handed, the brunette headed down to the garage. He didn’t comment about the candy cane keychain.
Naruto glanced at Sakura as the other two band members left. “You don’t want Chinese?” he asked incredulously.
The singer snorted, her cutesy façade slipping even further. “Of course I don’t! Do you have any idea of what goes into those sauces? Not to mention the pork and duck!” She shuddered. “It’s so fattening, ugh!”
Blue eyes widened. For someone to not like Chinese… That was nearly impossible! He opened his mouth to argue, but then reconsidered. Girls have weird habits; it took him some bad experiences in eight grade to learn this the hard way. A good idea was not to ask.
“Anyway,” Sakura continued, “I’m going to treat myself to Starbucks. Later!”
Before Naruto had time to ask why a cookie and frappuccino was better than General Tsao’s chicken, she had grabbed her purse and was out the door.
Tentatively, the boy spoke into a hollow silence. “Lee?”
….
“Lee?”
….
“LEE—oh.”
The calendar on the wall said it was Thursday. Lee worked Tuesdays, Thursday, and Saturdays. Naruto let his head thud onto the back of the chair. And since Eyebrows wasn’t back yet, it probably meant he was on overtime for extra money. Dammit.
This looked like his cue to trudge back into his apartment, where glorious wanted ads awaited him. Really fucking fun.
As he threw on his orange jacket – “artistically” graffitied in red, black, and blue – and turned off the lights, a glint on Sakura’s microphone caught his eye. Sure, it was just from the streetlamp outside, and maybe watered down moonlight. But for this second, Uzumaki Naruto could not resist his vision of the Holy Grail.
He walked to the middle of the room and touched it. The gesture was uncertain, but as soon as flesh met metal…
“Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it.”
Fall Out Boy. A random song pulled off the top of his head. Naruto couldn’t call it magic. Magic was what dimestore magicians used to hold the attention spans of five-year-olds.
But this… this was a feeling that he called right because that’s what it was. The mic and the stage and the music and the fans that were going to be screaming hoarse for him.
“Down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it.
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down
Down, down
We're going down, down
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it.”
Naruto didn’t know how to sing. He heard the bands, liked how they sounded, but never went and grabbed a bar of soap in the shower, pretending that it was a mic while he belted out the latest from the Gorrillaz. Hell, he usually made a point of not singing.
And now there was the shiny in the moonstreetlight and the song-words from off the top of his head and maybe he got them from a fey drunken party or maybe not…
“Caught you in the photo flash
From the rave, lost the hard cash
Bending like a cat
Landing on my side
Gave you booze and beer cups
Then I saw the D-cups
On someone, maybe her
You know the girl next door
Call me a used, chemical romance
But I know I know
Taking back a Sunday leaves no room for Monday
Or the green days that’ll come on after
I know I know
You wanted a reliant, goo-eyed doll
But they’re falling out of those
Net you 29 butterflies
Now my mind in the gutter flies
Wanna call it hope
Gonna say it’s hell
The hurt starts to go in fast
Crash the present on the past
Like a photograph
One I took of you
Call me a used, chemical romance
But I know I know
Taking back a Sunday leaves no room for Monday
Or the green days that’ll come on after
I know I know
You wanted a reliant, goo-eyed doll
But they’re falling out of those
I’m falling out of those…
No good with flowers when I took a rose
It’s slowly dying by my computer.”
Somewhere between the song, one that he’d never figure out where it came from, and the fading note on his lips, Naruto got an audience.
“Holy… fucking… SHIT, Naruto!”
For once, Kiba did an apt job of voicing everyone’s thoughts.
Lee looked just about orgasmic.
* * *
Naruto shifted nervously in place, hands slick with sweat.
“Well?” came the bored question.
The boy looked back at Shikamaru. “R-right now? This second?”
“Of COARSE this second!” Lee roared. His bottle of Green Beast, still a third full, sprayed them all as he flailed around. The man looked pretty damn happy, even for Lee.
This was doing a good job of disturbing the rest of Forbidden Scroll.
But, pinned by five pairs of eyes (six, if you wanted to count Kiba’s dog that randomly appeared out of nowhere), Naruto had no choice but to submit. Screwing shut his own eyes, he found the beat in the air and began Scroll’s cover of “Iris”.
The song’s lullaby tones erased him, then filled in the lines with glaring sensation; eager and numbing as an epiphany.
“And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now…”
Sakura was livid. Pink-hair-against-red-face-so-it-looks-like-a-Valentine’s-Day-card livid.
“Stop it! I can’t work with you people anymore!” she cried halfway through the second verse. Tears glittering dramatically at the corners of her eyes, the girl ranted, “Forbidden Scroll doesn’t need me anymore now that you have him and hisgorgeous voice. You all never liked my songs, anyway!”
“But Sakura—”
“Hey—“
“Wha—“
“Crap—“
No amount of unfinished pleas could change her mind. Before Lee could pull off something gallant, Haruno Sakura had grabbed her lyric sheets and was out the door for good.
Five seconds later, Haruno Sakura burst back in to get her coat. Then she was out the door for good.
In the end, it was Green Beast that saved Naruto and Lee from going into depression.
* * *
Two weeks later, no one was very surprised when Rock Lee came back from work, singing Spanish pop with his new bottle of Grean Beast.
“DRINKS ALL AROUND!! I GOT SCROLL A PRODUCEEEEEEER!!”
Now they were surprised.
“Hnng?”
“Are you serious, Lee?”
“You’ve gotta be shitting me!”
Awesome!”
“PAPA SAID DRIIIIIIINNNKKSS AAAALLLLLL AROOOOOOOOUNNNDDD!!”
Who could object to that? Within minutes, everyone had a shotglass of Green Beast that was more or less empty. Except for Shikamaru, who went unconscious before he cound finish his.
“Heyy Nahruudo…” Lee slurred. He flung an arm around Naruto’s shoulder in a brotherly fashion.
“Not now, Eyebrows! I wanna watch Gai, the Green Fairy!” the boy whined.
“Gasp! You can see him, too?”
“We all fucking can!” Kiba yelled, pouring himself another shot with a grin.
Lee truly couldn’t have looked happier.
Probably the most sober one in the house, Chouji contemplated the ceiling, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Gai is a very good dancer, “ he remarked gravely. This was his second refill.
Naruto, meanwhile, decided to give in and join Lee in singing the Macarena with Gai. The fact that he failed out of Spanish in eighth grade made absolutely no difference. It also gave him an excuse to dance out of Kiba’s way when the bassist got it into his head that running around and wearing red silk boxers on one’s head is the best thing in the world.
“I’M SUPERMAAAAANNNN!!”
“Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
HEEEYYY MACARENA!! (Break it down!)”
“Do you think Gai would join us for tea this afternoon, Shikamaru?”
Some snoring from Shikamaru’s end.
“Of course he doesn’t think I’m fat! Because if he did, then I’d have to kill him.”
“DANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP KIBA, OR I’LL SEND YOU TO THE GODDAMN VET!!”
A whimper from under the boxers.
“NUU!! RETREAT, ROBIN!! RETREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAATT!!”
“Arf arf!”
“Now, where were we, Gai?”
“Macarena tiene un novio que se llama
Que se llama apellido Vitorino,
Que en la jura de bandera el muchacho
SEEE LA DIO CON DOS AMIGOS!! (One more time!)”
---
And that's all for now, until I get off my lazy ass and finish up the second chapter. And if anyone had the balls to read this, much less review it, it'd be nice if you could check out my other stuff. It's mostly one-shots, not a huge thing like this is going to be.
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