Listen to your Heart

Listen to your Heart


By Mija


Disclaimer~Do not own Naruto and charactors. Thank You, Mija. Rated R for a bit of violence, a few cuss words and of course boy/boy inuendo. Pretty much based on a song called Listen to your heart, I saw a AMV with Sasu/Naru and that song and I so wish I knew the singer/artist cause I have alawys loved that song, anyway it sort of inspired this fic, anyhow, there is no way to show the emotions of the vid and the song that went with it, and although the song and the amv do NOT belong to me, I will be making some of the lines a bit diffrent then the original so that it will fit my fic better, sorry for any inconvineince. Btw for those who have seen the amv do you guys think it was as sad and heartbreaking as I did? I cried, lots of times as I watched it over and over. P.S I do have the link to said amv if you should want to see it before this fic or after it, maybe it shall inspire some of you to write some angsty boy love as well..hehe.


~He woke up sweating and breathing raggedly. His hair stuck to his face, his eyes were wide and trying hard to focus on his surroundings as his hand gripped his chest, trying fruitlessly to calm his rapidly beating heart. He was sure there had been a scream in his throat and if he hadn't woken up when he did, he was sure it would of come out. Lucky for him, he had woken up and not made such a racket or fuss. or made himself look like a fool. He was tired. So tired. After realizing where he was and knowing it was where he was supposed to be, he mentally smirked at that thought though, he put his shaky palms to his face and scrubbed at his weary face, taking with it sweat and what suspiciously could have been tears. But tears were impossible, he did not cry, and he did not cry over stupid dreams, now did he. But there was the rub. They were not just any sort of dreams, they were memories. Memories he wished to God he could wipe from his mind, his heart and his soul. But the dreams haunted him almost everynight, he couldn't remember a night when he hadn't been tormented by them. The same images flashing through his head, like rapidly moving pictures, a movie inside his mind, reminding him, telling him what his heart had denied. What he could of had, what he had given up so easily. But was it really that easy? His dreams begged to differ, at the time it had seemed like the only choice, but now? He wondered, he had regrets, he hurt. Yes he could still hurt. He showed the world the mask he used to cover the emotions he had deep inside, but he was human after all and he DID have them. Why did people just assume he didn't? Maybe that was one of the problems. Only one had ever been able to look past his masks, his words, and see the real him, see his soul, his dreams, his wants, his need. But he had pushed that one precious person away, he had to, that person was in his way of his dreams, his hearts desire, his needs. Or was he? He didn't know anymore. Somewhere along the way, his dreams had changed, his wants, his needs. They were not the same as they had been once upon a time, back before he had meet this person, got to know him, spent time with him, died for him.

~Sasuke jumped from his bed, which was damp with his sweat. He padded barefoot, in just a pair of boxers to his adjoining bathroom and flicked on the light. He went to the sink and turned on the water to cold and washed his face, palmed some water in his hands and scrubbed at his tussled dark locks. He feared looking into the mirror but he knew he would, he always did when the dreams haunted him this way. What he saw in the mirror always made him flinch. His skin was still pale as porcelain, his hair as dark as midnight and stuck up in the back in its usual spikey way, long bangs hanging in front of eyes that he no longer recognized. Red. There were red now, not the black they used to be once upon a time. They had changed to almost permanant after that night. Oh God. That night. It was still one of the worst part of his dreams, something he wished he could change, or erase completly from his mind. He looked tired, haggard and worn out. He detested the cursed seal laying so innocently upon his neck right now. The mark of the damned, the choosen ones, the souless ones. When he looked into the mirror and saw his eyes and the dark bags under them from lack of sleep and training he looked so damn much like HIM. Him who he hated, him who he swore vengence on, he who he had sacraficed all that was good and pure in his life for. Oh how he hated his brother Itachi, even his name was like poison on his tongue, in his mind, eating away at all the goodness that once resided in him. Even now Orochimaru was eating and beating away what Itachi hadn't yet wiped out. Niether of those bastards wanted to leave anything that was good and human in him. Things that he once loved and cared for were all gone now, some to Itachi's doing, some to Orochimaru's and some by his own hands. And those were the ones that hurt the most.

~He was so damn tired of this crap. He hated these dreams, the nightmares in guise of memories. He had done all he could to stop them but nothing had worked so far. He had thought at one point if he trained all day and all night, pushed his body to and beyond its limits, to where he couldn't move or think he would fall into a dreamless sleep, getting the rest he so dearly needed, But it had been in vain. He found that on those nights, the dreams were worse, everything came back so clear and vivid, that he could swear he could even smell the blood and sweat, and rain. On those nights his mind whispered a mantra like thing to him, making him hear it over and over again, questioning his decisions over and over till Sasuke was sure he would go mad.

Listen to your heart
When he's calling to you
Listen to your heart
Theres nothing else you can do
I don't know where I'm going
And I don't know why
But listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye

~Sometimes Sasuke wondered if this fight was worth wile, all his precious moments were all lost in the tides, they drift away and nothing is what is seems, a feeling of not really belonging, a feeling of being lost in your dreams. Nothing felt real, yet did. He questioned wether the fight he was fighting was worth all he had given up. Was vengence and hatred that much more important than what he had given up? He had been so sure of it back then, but now? Oh God. Now all he could do was remember, those stupid dreams and memories haunting his mind, never letting him forget what he once had, what he had carelessly thrown away, what he had given up. In his head there were voices that wanted to be heard, so many voices yet he couldn't find the words. They wouldn't shut up or leave him alone, those voices begged him not to leave, told him that he was wanted, needed, loved. They spoke of dreams, of friendship of love that was forbidden. Love that no one spoke of but all knew was there. His head hurt, his heart ached and his soul cried out. What have I done? What have I done?

~Sasuke closed his eyes, and let some of those voices and damn dreams come to his mind. The day that stupid dobe accidently kissed him in class and had gotten beaten up by his fanclub. Sasuke would never admit it, but he had been shocked, but rather liked the way it had felt to have those soft lips on his. He saw the dobe rushing at Kakashi Sensei trying to get the bells, not even trying to be subtle, he was never subtle, when Naruto wanted something he went after it like a dog in heat, and as loud as a stampeding heard of elephants. He saw his blonde being hung from his leg while Kakashi went after Sakura and them himself. He could still see his dobe's face all red and angry at being caught so easily. Then the pouting face when he was tied to the stump and they were ordered not to feed him, although his stomache growled in protest to this order and he declared that he wasn't hungry, that he was fine. Stupid dobe. Why he had offered his food to the blonde wasn't really that much of a mystery anymore. They were teammates. And Naruto was human, they all were. How could another human being sit by and eat in front of another who was hungry and NOT offer him some food? He wanted to so badly smile at the watery eyes the dobe had tried to hide when he had offered him some of his lunch, even knowing that Kakashi was likely to toss them all on thier asses and send them packing with no hope of ever becoming shinobi.

~There was the first mission, the stupid fire Lords wifes cat, it hadn't liked Naruto much, in fact the little beast had scratched his dobe up pretty good. Sasuke had been torn between laughing and killing the cat. In the end he just played stoic as par for the course. The day they left to escort Tazuna his dobe had been all excited and let it be known that he had never been outside of Konoha before, that little bit of information had somehow made Sasuke's heart ache. Such little pleasures could make his dobe so happy at times, its a wonder he even survived. Tazuna hadn't been nice to Naruto at first, and Sasuke would still internally smile at the proclamation Naruto had made that he would be Hokage someday and that everyone would have to respect him that day. When Tazuna had said if he ever did become Hokage he would still not respect him, it had not only made the dobe mad, but inside it had pissed of Sasuke as well. Who was this man to squash and belittle Naruto's dreams? Everyone had them, wether they could make them come true or not was beside the point, if you didn't have them and didnt try, then what was there to fight for? To live for? Then things had changed fast. Those mist nins had come after them, the stupid dobe had frozen. Sasuke had been scared too, shit, it was his first real mission and he could die any moment without his own dreams having been realized. Thats what had spurred him on, what helped him to fight the nins and protects Tazuna and Sakura, but it had been something else that had made him save the dobe. Just the thought of someone hurting him had made his stomache hurt. At the time he couldnt really explain it. He just knew that without Naruto there, things would not be the same anymore and he was liking the way things were right now.

~Sasuke shook his head as he remembered Naruto sticking the kunei in his hand and making that stupid promise, then when Kakashi told him he was loosing blood and might die, he panicked and the dobe started running around and freaking out. Sometimes the blonde was just to much, but then again, its one of the things Sasuke liked most about him. Naruto was loud, he was proud, he never gives up, he fights with all his might and his heart, which is rare for ninja to do, ninja are not supposed to show emotions in a battle, but Naruto could never seem to get that through his thick head. Funny how Naruto always came through though, and it was usually BECAUSE of his emotions that made him strong enough to defeat all odds. He could still picture thier little contest to see who could reach the top of the tree using chakra only. They had gone on and on till they were both too tired to move but neither wanted to quit first, so they called it a draw and helped each other back to Tazuna's, both battered and worn out, but content. They seemed to battle and fight over everything, each trying to best the other. Like eating more. Nothing they ever did with each other was simple, so why had Sasuke been surprised to find out his feelings for Naruto were not as simple as he first thought? He had known it that day, the day at the bridge. That was the first time he knew in his heart that Naruto was more than just a dobe, more than a teammate, a rival, a friend, Naruto was HIS dobe and he would NOT let anything hurt him. Thats why he had gotten in the way of Haku's needles, why he had died for the dobe. Why he had thrown away his quest for vengence and his dream of reviving his clan. He could not let Naruto die, it was not an option. Naruto was light, he was warmth and laughter, he was the sun. Without him, there was no life at all, and Sasuke would of done anything then to keep that light alive. So he had. Of course he had spouted some nonesense of how he hated Naruto, at one time it had been true, but not at that moment, but he had let Naruto believe it then. He could still hear Naruto's sobs as he cried over what he asssumed was his dead body, he could feel the boiling rage deep down in his unconscience soul when he went afte Haku to avenge him. His dobe had cried for him. For HIM, his rival. Sasuke would never forget that.

~Sasuke would never forget Naruto's new nindo, his way of the ninja, and how sad he was when they buried Haku and Zabuza. It had been wierd to be crying over the graves of the people who tried to kill you, but thats how Naruto was, he was diffrent, and he was showing them something they had never been taught. It was okay to hurt, to love, to cry, to feel. He proved this at the chuunin exams, he had shown rage, anger and hurt. He had vowed to change Neji's destiny when he became Hokage, and when he beat Neji's smug little arse, Neje believed him Sasuke thought. Sasuke did. Then he fought Gaara and won, and he won because he was protecting Sakura, one of his precious people, that fight too ended with Gaara learning something new. Everyone Naruto met he made an impact in thier lives. How could one who the whole village seemed to despise change so many lives? His dobe had changed his. But Sasuke had fought it. And fought him.

~Again he let his mind go back to the last memory he had with Naruto, the one that haunted him the most, the one that made him scream in his mind, his soul. The one that made him wonder if he would go mad with the images and the feelings that went with it. For Sasuke, who had made himself become a loner, who had proclaimed to have no emotions no feelings, who vowed vengence and death, Naruto had been a threat to that and Sasuke had fought it, fought it hard, so hard that he left all that he knew to get away, to forget his dobe and what the blonde was doing to his heart and mind. But the stupid dobe couldn't let it be. Why had Sasuke been suprised at that? Of course the blonde would come after him. That was just who Naruto was. He wouldn't just let go, he wouldn't just let him walk away like nothing had ever happened. Naruto had listened to his heart, he had come after him. He knew why Sasuke was leaving and to where he was going, but he hadn't been ready to say goodbye yet, and maybe never. But Sasuke had to, he couldn't complete HIS dream if he stayed with Naruto and the others. He had to leave, to get stronger, to beat and kill Itachi. Only then could he let go of all he once knew and once was and let his dobe change him like he changed everyone he came into contact with. But it had been hard. It had been so hard. Even now he gripped his chest at the thoughts at the images that flashed through his head as he and Naruto fought at the valley of the end. He had pushed all that he felt for Naruto way back into his soul, he had fought to kill Naruto. The only admittance he had willingly made was to tell Naruto that he was Sasuke's best friend and to do what he had to do, he would kill Naruto. And he had tried. Even now as the memories of thier fierce battle raged through his mind his body shook and his heart ached. He really meant to kill his dobe, he went all out on him, he could feel the power of the cursed seal flowing through his viens, clouding his mind with darkness, even as his soul screamed in agony when he put his fist through Naruto's chest with the chidori.

~He watched Naruto fall to the ground, blood everywhere, a hole in his chest that he made with his own hand. Blood on his fingers that Sasuke could swear would never wash away, he could still smell it even now. Naruto had laid there dying, but not dead and Sasuke had looked at him, he was going to kill him, then that stupid voice flooded his mind and the mantra came back.

Listen to your heart
When hes calling for you
Listen to your heart
Theres nothing else you can do
He knows where your going
And he knows why
But please listen to your heart
Before you tell him goodbye..........forever.

~So Sasuke had let his headband fall off, his own way of saying goodbye, but it was not forever. No matter how much he had wanted to, needed to, he couldn't do it. He coudn't kill his dobe. Naruto was life, he was everything and when all was said and done, Sasuke loved him. He had already caused enough damage, he wouldn't blow out the only light in his life forever. So Sasuke walked away as he looked back once more he shed a tear, hidden by the rain and whispered one last time to his dobe....Goodbye.


A/N~okay it probably sucked rocks but this is how it came out. As I said I changed some of the lyrics of the song and such so dont go all postal on me because its wrong lol, I changed them to fit my fic better, so dont be mad k? Anyhow Im thinking of doing a Naruto POV, but not sure. It was supposed to be both of their thoughts but somehow this came out, I never know what I am typing till its done. Sigh. Anyhow not much action, not much lovin and or smut at all, but I hope you enjoy it on some small level. Huggles and smiles Mija..:-)