Stop Me If You Can

Disclaimer: Naruto does NOT belong to me. Thank-you-very-much.

Warnings: Hurm… the NC-17 thing is a little exaggerated. I don’t think its that bad. Though there is rape, but it’s not like all angsty and stuff (or at least its not in MY opinion…). Ah well, see for yourself. The NC-17 is there for my protection though, so don’t say you weren’t warned.


Stop Me If You Can—


“If you think I’m going to let you get away; then you’ve really gone as insane as they say,” Jiraiya hissed. He was tired; he’d been fighting off Orochimaru's pawns single handedly for about three hours now. Kabuto had left the most damage; the silver haired man had actually managed to wound his right hand— much to his surprise. Of course Kabuto was only as good as Kakashi, or maybe a little higher above the scale. The only reason he had managed to inflict such damage was because Jiraiya was tired. And that was the simple truth. He was tired and old— too old for this.

“Leave now, and I will spare you.” Orochimaru cooed, his silky voice sending an awkward shiver down Jiraiya’s spine. He really was too old for this. He could feel the sweat trickling down his forehead onto his cheeks, he could feel his body going numb, a tingling sensation— what the hell was wrong with him?!

This wasn’t right…

“What did you do?!” Jiraiya hissed, his vision starting to blur. He hadn’t felt any needles; he hadn’t smelt or seen any gas. No one had been wearing masks… So how the hell did he end up getting poisoned?! He was old, but not this old. And none of those stupid pawns that Orochimaru had sent to the hell hole were good enough to get one up on him…


“Kabuto managed, I see.” Orochimaru’s features were graced with a smile. “You are getting old, Jiraiya. Perhaps you will soon change your mind about joining me? I don’t see how anyone could just sit there and watch their bodies grow old, when they can clearly do something about it.” Orochimaru stated, his face showing nothing but pure disgust at the mere thought.

“What did you do to me?!?” Jiraiya leaned against an unsteady wall; he allowed his good hand to keep him steady; never once taking his eyes off of the enemy.

“Don’t worry. I ordered Kabuto not to kill you… Whenever that happens, it must be by my hands. But I’m sure he did something crafty; though I wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly what he put in the drug…” The snake answered truthfully. And Jiraiya was tempted to break the man’s head off right then and there. If only his body would let him move...

He growled in frustration. They were in the middle of the Stone Village. He had been merely passing by when he had heard some rumors that Orochimaru himself was there, planning something big. As soon as he heard the rumors, he began his research; sending word to Tsunade about his discovery at once.

The search for Orochimaru had been more desperate than ever— ever since the man had killed Uchiha Sasuke. He didn’t know much of the details; he was as much in the dark as Leaf was. But he knew that it had to be something big— nothing was ever small with Orochimaru— especially since he had killed his last obsession with no regret what so ever.

It had been a big shock to Konoha when Uchiha Sasuke’s body had been found just outside of the gates. And ever since then, any sign of Orochimaru was desperately wanted information for the Leaf Village. And what made it even worse, was that it had been almost two years since they had had any real contact with the snake man…

And that was plenty of time to come up with a ‘good’ plan to destroy Konoha… Or at least cause some major chaos!

Jiraiya had found Orochimaru’s hide out, and had sent a message to the Leaf ninja that had been placed in Stone for this very purpose. He called them to come to his aid as soon as they could. But he was seriously starting to doubt their appearance anytime soon… They should have been here at least two hours ago. And that fact only pointed to one thing: Orochimaru had known he was here, had expected an attack, and had fully been prepared. Which made him the idiot in this situation. Tsunade was going to kill him— if Orochimaru didn’t do it first.

The white haired man growled as he felt a sudden pain shoot through his upper body, making his working hand unsteady. He ended up on the floor and on his knees.

“My, my, the mighty Jiraiya on his knees before me,” Orochimaru smirked. “Just as it should be.”

“Fucking bastard; I’ll kill you!!” Jiraiya managed to get out before he fell forward before Orochimaru— now bowed. He heard a low heavy chuckle break the silence.

He would kill Orochimaru, if it was the last thing he did!


“Leave.” Orochimaru looked over his shoulder, to the useless pawn he placed there for his protection. And Jiraiya couldn’t help but feel his anger rise to the surface once again. How could those idiots let themselves be used by that fucking bastard?!?

“You’ve always been an open book, Jiraiya. You should learn how to control your anger a bit. Especially in situations like these…” The snake cooed, amusement latched onto his silky voice.

“I’ll kill you!”

“I highly doubt that my life will be taken by an imbecile like you. Not even the Third was able to do it.” Orochimaru stated in a matter of fact tone.

He watched as the snake man walked over to him, kneeling down so that they could be eye to eye. Their faces merely inches away, a faint hot breath tickling his cheek…

“The drug will knock you out in about thirty more minutes. I told Kabuto that I would enjoy a conversation with an old friend… I don’t know what effects it will have, aside from taking away all feeling, but I have the cure right here.” Orochimaru took out a red pill and waved it in front of his eyes.

“If you want it, then you will leave the Stone Village and let that money addicted bitch come after me on her own.” The snake man said in a stern voice.


“Why the hell should I care? Like you said, it’s not going to kill me. Unless you lied…” Jiraiya said in between breaths; it was getting more difficult to breathe; and he was starting to loose all feeling above his waist.

“Hn. But I wont go through the trouble of taking you with me, you idiot. And I doubt the bitch will find this place as quickly as you did. You’ll be knocked out for at least two weeks if you don’t receive treatment. And there are plenty of animals, that don’t get fed nearly as much as they would want to, lurking around in this place… So, old friend, what do you say?”

The white haired man looked away from the cause of his troubles. He felt as if though little by little, part by part, his body was shutting off on him. He didn’t feel his upper body anymore, and the pain was slowly starting to dissipate; but that didn’t make the situation any better…

He knew Orochimaru would keep his word and give him the pill if he agreed, but he couldn’t betray Tsunade like that. He knew how it felt to get betrayed; and the scary old woman was his friend; he didn’t want to do that to her.

But on the other hand... Orochimaru was right. If he was left here, underground, they probably wouldn’t find the place for at least three or four weeks. He’d be REALLY lucky if it took them less than that. The ninja he had sent word to, were probably already dead…

There was no hope of Leaf finding his location without searching; but before they searched, they'd have to find out he was missing. And it would take a while for that to happen. But even then, once they started searching, he doubted that they would find this place so easily. And according to the snake, he'd be paralyzed for at least two weeks. And even once it went away, he didn't know if he'd have the strength to get himself out of here. He didn't know what sort of side affects the drug might have on him...

And then there were the animals that the snake had mentioned. His old ‘friend’ was right. Plenty of ‘snakes’ and ‘spiders’ would be more than willing to devour his body. No doubt Orochimaru had planted his own…

“Look at me.” The wanted sanin allowed his cold hand to caress the toad’s bloodied cheek. And when Jiraiya didn’t comply, he grabbed his chin, and forced him to look into those cold, hurtful eyes.

He hated…

“Answer me; I don’t have your time.” The snake ordered, annoyance lacing itself in his voice.

“Fuck you.” The white haired man hissed. He couldn’t betray Leaf; he couldn’t betray Tsunade…Naruto…Konoha. And Orochimaru knew this. He would not leave like a coward. He wouldn’t do that. He couldn’t do that…

“Maybe I will take you up on that offer sooner than you think...” The black haired man mocked, allowing his fingers to gently trace Jiraiya’s chapped lips. And in an anger fit, the white haired man couldn’t help himself— he bit the snake’s fingers. Earning himself a heated punch to the nose…

“Fucking no-brain imbecile; I should have killed you long ago, baka.” Orochimaru growled.

“Kill me now, if you really dare.” Jiraiya taunted. He knew the snake wouldn’t do it. He knew the reasons— same reasons why Jiraiya had never killed the snake. As much as Orochimaru would never admit or accept it, and as much as he HATED, to admit and accept it— they had a bond, they knew each other like no one else. They had been best friends... They shared more together than they would ever share with anyone else in a life time. Sure, the bastard would leave him to die and might even feel a little guilty afterwards… But he knew that the wanted sanin would never kill him with his bare hands…

He knew…

“Don’t tempt me.” Orochimaru growled. “Don’t be too sure of yourself Jiraiya. I’ve disappointed you before…”

“And I doubt you can really inflict much more damage than you did then…”

“You don’t really expect me to let you get out of this with out getting something in return, do you?” The snake narrowed his eyes.

“Of course not, I’ve just accepted my fate.”

“I’ve never understood you, idiot.” Orochimaru shook his head, annoyance visible in his eyes.

“I’m too complex to understand, and besides, it’s not like you really care. If you’re going to leave me here, than go, I have nothing else to say to you…”

“Stupid toad.”

“Fucking snake.”

“I ought to feed you to my snakes.” The wanted sanin threatened.

“Fucking try, and I’ll cut your head off. Then I'll piss in your mouth for fun.”

Jiraiya grunted as he found his lips being crushed harshly by his old friend's cruel mouth. He tried to turn his head to the side, but it was to no avail; Orochimaru’s firm hand kept him in place. This was not good. He hadn’t kissed the snake since the wanted man had left Konoha and became a missing nin. Or rather, the snake hadn’t kissed him…

This brought back way too many un-welcomed memories.

Thankfully though, Orochimaru still had a weakness, and he didn’t think he’d get rid of that weakness anytime soon— the snake still needed to breathe. Which resulted in the kiss breaking, and Jiraiya managing to spit in the wanted man's face. Though the blow that was aimed to his stomach made him regret it. It wasn’t that it was painful (he really couldn’t feel anything above his waist anymore) but the blow sent him flying back a few feet, making him land on the floor, on his back, with a thump.

“Maybe I should take advantage of the situation. Perhaps I’d enjoy a few memorable moments with you, old friend.” Orochimaru smirked. And hidden within his voice, was a low laugh— one that made Jiraiya’s anger rise to the surface.

The hell if HE, was going to get raped…!

He watched; unable to do anything as the snake came closer, never once breaking eye contact. He couldn't believe this was happening to him…

“Did you miss me, Jiraiya?” Orochimaru asked; face actually showing some seriousness, as he straddled the toad’s lower body.

“Orochimaru, fucking bastard! Don’t you dare!” Jiraiya hissed, completely shocked at what his old friend was doing…

“Stop me, if you can…” The snake taunted, lowering his lips onto Jiraiya’s neck, licking and kissing.

“Fucking bastard! Don’t do this to me!” His voice was shaking; it was weak because he knew that he couldn’t do anything to change the situation to his advantage. If Orochimaru wanted to rape him, then the snake could very well do it. And as much as he would have wanted this to happen, once, a long time ago, the very idea made him sick now. The very idea that he would be forced into such an act, against his will.

HIM, of all people…

“Don’t tell me that you don’t want this, you arrogant toad. You’re the pervert here, not I.”

“I’ll never forgive you…” He was scared now. And everything coming out of his mouth was sounding more and more like a desperate plea. But the panic hit full force as Jiraiya watched Orochimaru lift his robe— the snake was hard!

And he wasn’t supposed to be seeing this!! Why the hell was this happening to him?!?

“I never asked for forgiveness. That’s only done when one repents; I have no regrets.” The snake lifted Jiraiya’s robe, and pulled down his undergarments.

This was NOT, happening to him…

“So you’ve never had any regrets, about anything?” He couldn’t help but ask. It was the most inappropriate thing to say— he should be threatening the snake with mass murder if he didn’t take his hands off of him. But he wanted to know, because the snake had never talked about this with him before...

“Well, I did have one regret, and sometimes I still wonder. But I guess I’m about to find out, hm?”

And just like that, Jiraiya felt Orochimaru in him. Though he couldn’t really feel anything. He felt numb; the drug that Kabuto had given him was having its affects. He felt the movements, but it inflicted no pain, or pleasure. It was hollow, it was empty.

Yet the odd thing was, though he couldn’t feel much of it, the pain was still inside of him— in his chest. He kept eye contact with the snake, trying to appear unaffected; but he knew that Orochimaru could read him; the snake had always been able to. He gave up on trying to appear tuff when the silent tears strolled down his cheeks.

His pride forced him to look away.

He felt the snake’s tongue latch out to catch the wetness, observing it, savoring it. He knew that Orochimaru was evil, he knew it, and he hated the man for it. But he had never thought that the wanted sanin would disrespect their friendship like this.

Their love…

He felt the man shudder in bliss— grunt and moan. He had to close his eyes, he had to block away the feelings that he had long ago buried. His weakness. And with one last kiss, he felt Orochimaru pull out slowly, grunting as he did so.

“Don’t look so down, Jiraiya. Maybe next time I’ll let you get some pleasure in return.” The snake grinned maliciously.

“I’ll kill you before I let you lay your hands on me again!” He couldn’t move any parts of his body anymore— he was completely paralyzed; the only movement he could make was from his neck and up.

“I must leave you now, Jiraiya. You showed me a good time old friend. So I guess, in the end, this wasn’t a complete waste…” Orochimaru stood, cleaning himself with Jiraiya’s robe.

The white haired man watched as the snake stood there, silently watching him. Those eyes trying to read him; as if though suddenly it had become a difficult task. Which was weird, because the snake had always been able to read him…

“Do you hate me?” The wanted man asked, narrowing his eyes in concentration.

What the hell kind of question was that? Of course he…!!

Didn’t?


After all the years that had gone by, after all the things that the snake had done to him— even after this. He still didn’t hate the evil bastard. He didn’t understand him; comprehension was a problem that he’d never be able to solve, and acceptance was way out of his reach. But he didn’t hate him.

It was still there. The bond. The friendship that they had shared many years ago…

The love...

“Leave me.” Jiraiya whispered, the use of his tongue becoming very difficult. He watched as Orochimaru stood there for long moments, studying his face. Then, as if though he had just solved the mystery, the snake let out a sigh of relief and contentment.

Smiling, the snake nodded to him and said, “I’ll send someone to find you, Love.”

And with that, he left Jiraiya alone, paralyzed, and hurt.


---End---


Note: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I suck. Yes, I know. Oh well. It was very fun, and not to mention HARD, writing this. Especially since it was like one in the morning when I started, and finished around four. Well, I beta' checked it twice, so if you find any mistakes in there that are NOT acceptable, too bad! I ain't doing it again. It was a stupid one-shot. One that pleased me to no end. Hahaha... I swear, there are not enough Jiraiya and Orochumaru fic's around!! And I really wonder why. =/ Anyways, I just wanted to see some sort of affection between the two (cause I mean... they have to be 'something' like Naruto and Sasuke, right?). So that’s why I wrote this... The rape thing (or rather, the 'sex' thing), wasn't really supposed to be the main issue... I just wanted to bother their relationship, and see what I could come up with. The reason why I didn't become more detailish on the 'sex' scene, was because I suck at lemon shit. Lmao. Sorry, but it's true— and then, I figured that since it was Jiraiya's POW, he couldn't really feel anything... So what was the point? And it finished fast, because lets face it, they're old men. Old men that used to like each other a lot; hardly EVER get laid; and when they do, sorry to say so, but THEY ARENT GOING TO LAST VERY LONG! As Orochumaru showed us here today... haha... Oh well. Leave a comment, tell me what ya think. I'd like to know. I’m thinking of writing another One-shot (nothing to do with this one), but with the same pairs, only this time it will be Orochumaru's POW. Though I’m sure that will prove more difficult... *sigh* Ah well.... I’m out... Don't forget to say: Hi!