Shakespeare Was Never So Hot

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I did win the internet the other day. I don't own Cymbeline or The Tempest, either.

A/N: okay, okay. inspiration just struck me, and i had to write this. i thought it was funny when we had a "shakespeare in song" concert and learned what a pervert he really was. so i thought i'd share. enjoy.


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Shakespeare Was Never So Hot
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“Tell me why I’m doing this again?”

“Because I’m forbidden from using my car until I’m passing English. Oh, and you love me.”

“And how did you come up with that conclusion?”

“That’s what you scream every night; a man’s gotta figure it’s true. And you’re, you know… sophisticated and shit.”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that. Uchiha Sasuke was indeed sophisticated, and he did indeed love one Uzumaki Naruto. That’s why he was taking his boyfriend to the theatre.

“What are we seeing, dobe?”

“Stop calling me that, and we’re going to see Cymbeline. My English teacher said that if I go and write a report on it, I have a good chance of passing the class by the next progress report. Then I can get my car back, and then maybe you and I can…”

Shit. Was he serious? Naruto and he had just taken their relationship to the next level last weekend after being together for one year. And they’d fucked like bunnies at least once every day since. Who could have known that the blonde would be so insatiable so soon after his first time?

“Are you trying to tell me that you want to go at it in your car?”

“Wherever the mood takes me, baby,” Naruto whispered huskily in his ear. Naruto grabbed his gearshift, suggestively running his hand up and down the hard plastic. “I just get this unbearable need to have you inside me at every. Fucking. Opportunity.”

And now Sasuke was thoroughly aroused. But the theatre house was in sight, and he turned into the entrance, driving up to the valet. Naruto got out after one last teasing caress of Sasuke’s gearshift, and Sasuke followed after giving said gearshift a jealous and thoughtful glare.

Throwing his keys to the valet and receiving his ticket, he quickly caught up to Naruto, and they entered the house. Sasuke had purchased their tickets online ahead of time, so he ran to get them while Naruto waited by the ticket-taker.

Now Sasuke, though sophisticated, wasn’t so fond of Shakespeare, but if his dobe had to sit through it, he’d sit through it too. But did Naruto really have to get him hard like this right before the play? It was kind of hard to walk.

“Uncomfortable?”

“You’re a sadist, Naruto.”

“Maybe you’re just oversexed. I hadn’t even finished my idea before you were moaning in anticipation.”

“You do that to me.” Pulling Naruto into an alcove sheltered from sight, he kissed his blonde dobe passionately, just to prove it. Releasing the dobe for breath, Sasuke smirked at the far off expression in blue eyes and moved his mouth to Naruto’s ear. “Curtain’s about to rise.”

The blonde moaned, but reluctantly backed away. The two made it to their seats inside the auditorium just as the lights were dimming. The curtain opened to reveal a garden as two men entered from off stage.

“You do not meet a man but frowns: our bloods/No more obey the heavens than our courtiers/Still seem as does the king.”

And Sasuke ignored the rest. By the time Act One was over, the Uchiha was almost asleep. Naruto nudged him and told him he was going to the restroom before the start of Act Two. Sasuke could see how close to sleep Naruto was and knew the blonde wasn’t blaming him for drifting off on what could be termed a date. At least his hard-on had completely subsided. That really didn’t say much for Shakespeare, in Sasuke’s opinion.

When Naruto came back, Sasuke leaned over and asked, “How many Acts does this thing have?”

“Five. Deal with it. Besides, by the time it’s over it just might be too late for me to go home.” Naruto looked at him pointedly, flames of lust banked in his eyes. And Sasuke was back to square one.

The theatre was quite a way’s from Naruto’s house near the outskirts of the city, but Sasuke lived on his own in an apartment uptown. If it was too late when they got out, Naruto would call his mom and tell her he was staying at Sasuke’s for the night. And then they’d have some fun. Sasuke’s thoughts ran rampant in his mind. Different scenarios and games came and went, all involving Naruto begging for him to fuck him fast, hard, and deep.

Two scenes of Act Two had passed. He’d never last five acts if he didn’t stop thinking about his sexy dobe writhing in pleasure, so Sasuke focused his attention to the stage.

“Your lordship is the most patient man in loss, the/most coldest that ever turned up ace.”

“It would make any man cold to lose.”

“But not every man patient after the noble temper of/your lordship. You are most hot and furious when you win.”

“Winning will put any man into courage. If I could/get this foolish Imogen, I should have gold enough./It's almost morning, is't not?”

“Day, my lord.”

“I would this music would come: I am advised to give/her music o' mornings; they say it will penetrate.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched.

“Come on; tune: if you can penetrate her with your/fingering, so; we'll try with tongue too: if none/will do, let her remain; but I'll never give o'er./First, a very excellent good-conceited thing;/after, a wonderful sweet air, with admirable rich/words to it: and then let her consider.”

Sasuke was unbelievably hard. That entire speech had him picturing doing what the speech suggested to Naruto. God, he needed release, and he needed it now. But Naruto needed to see this play. And the song the musicians were singing at the moment had no innuendo whatsoever, so Sasuke managed to keep from dragging Naruto out of the theatre and to his apartment.

“So, get you gone. If this penetrate…”

Sasuke snapped. Ignoring Naruto’s whispered questions and protests, the Uchiha pulled the blonde from his seat and exited the theatre. They weren’t going to make it to his car, let alone his apartment before he ravished his lover, so Sasuke pulled Naruto into the nearest bathroom. He pushed Naruto up against the door as it swung closed.

“Sasuke, what the hell is wrong with you?”

“This.” Sasuke thrust his hips into Naruto’s, gasping at the intense pleasure. Naruto moaned out an ‘oh’ in acknowledgement and responded to Sasuke’s movement in like. There was a moment of rubbing and heated kisses before Sasuke tore his lips away and pulled Naruto in front of the sink counter.

He deftly undid the dobe’s belt and slid his pants and boxers to the floor. He slapped the backs of Naruto’s thighs lightly, encouraging the blonde to hop up onto the counter. Naruto complied, spreading his legs as wide as they would go. Sasuke went down on his knees and eagerly sucked his lover’s hard cock into his mouth.

Naruto let out a half-yell that echoed through the tiny room, punctuated by pants and moans as Sasuke expertly worked him. His tongue flowed along the length, straying momentarily to lick Naruto’s balls. Returning to the base of the blonde’s cock, Sasuke bent a little more to nibble the root of the shaft, making Naruto’s hips rise slightly off the countertop.

“Oh, God, Sasuke… more.”

The Uchiha smirked, but complied. Returning to the tip and giving it a light kiss, his tongue flicked out and dove inside the slit, lapping at the pre-cum flowing out of his lover. Naruto moaned loudly, which turned into a scream he had to stifle when Sasuke suddenly deep-throated him.

Sasuke looked up through his bangs as Naruto threw his head back, smacking it against the mirror. One of his arms was flung out, pressing hard into the glass, while the other was caught between Naruto’s teeth, muffling his sounds of ecstasy.

Sasuke inwardly pouted. One of the best parts was hearing the dobe scream. So, he swallowed. Ah, there it was. Now, as long as no one came in after that initial scream, he could seriously get down to business. Sasuke backed off some, going back to small licks and nibbles, waiting for the sound of the door opening. Nothing happened, and Sasuke smiled evilly.

He reached up to the soap dispenser and squirted a generous amount onto his fingers. His other hand gently began to lift Naruto’s right leg until the blonde got the message and raised his legs himself. Sasuke waited until Naruto had found purchase on the slick counter before standing up and leaning in for a kiss. His tongue delved into his lover’s mouth, allowing Naruto to taste himself, while his slippery fingers moved to the blonde’s exposed entrance.

“God, yes, Sasuke!” Naruto exclaimed as one finger pushed past his opening. Sasuke dropped his head to Naruto’s shoulder as the blonde’s arms came about his neck, pushing his jacket to the floor, and he nipped and licked at his lover’s sensitive neck. He added another finger to his lover and moved them around until he found that certain spot.

“AHHHH!” Naruto was moving his hips down as much as he could, so Sasuke added one last finger for a moment then pulled them out. He smiled when Naruto whimpered, and he kissed the blonde lightly in apology.

“Why don’t you get me ready?”

Naruto’s arms quickly fell from his neck, and hands began frantically pulling at his belt and pants. Those and his boxers quickly fell to the floor, and Naruto reached over to the soap dispenser. Gathering some soap, his hand returned to Sasuke and stroked along his rock hard erection, pulling a gasp from the Uchiha.

“Mm, much better than a gearshift.”

Sasuke growled and kissed Naruto possessively. God, he loved this man. Sasuke moved his hands to Naruto’s ass and pulled him forward, to the edge of the counter. Arms came around his neck, and he thrust forcefully into his lover. He stifled Naruto’s pleasured scream with his own mouth, and Naruto’s legs wrapped around his waist.

The tight heat of his lover was addicting. He almost regretted each time he slowly pulled out, but he slammed back in soon after. Over and over, slowly out, then forcefully in, until Naruto’s blunt nails bit through his skin even through his shirt.

“Faster and harder, teme!”

“Naruto…” Sasuke moaned, squeezing Naruto’s ass as his speed increased. In and out, in and out, harder, faster, deeper, hitting his lover’s sweet spot with each deliciously brutal thrust. Reaching between them, Sasuke grasped Naruto’s neglected cock and stroked it in time with his thrusts. It wasn’t long before Naruto tensed and his muscles contracted around Sasuke as he buried himself deep inside his lover.

Both screamed as Sasuke came inside Naruto, the pale boy thrusting frantically until he was spent. The blonde collapsed against the mirror, taking Sasuke with him, and they stayed that way until their breathing evened out. When the Uchiha lifted his head, he laughed aloud, motioning Naruto to look behind him after a confused glance.

“Looks like we were hot enough to fog the mirror.”

“Well, this is a very tiny bathroom, teme.”

“Whatever.” He leaned in for a soft kiss. Then Sasuke got up from atop Naruto, and they cleaned and dressed themselves. Sasuke’s shirt had a stain from Naruto’s come, which the blonde blushingly apologized for, but Sasuke laughed it off and pulled on his coat. He buttoned it, effectively hiding any evidence.

“Now, I say we blow this place and head to your apartment. We can come again later in the weekend, maybe when we’re too tired to do anything else.”

“That sounds like a plan, Sasuke.”

They shared another kiss, and walked out of the bathroom. Turning towards the entrance to head to the valet, they never saw the beet red young man exit the bathroom silently after them and return to the auditorium.

As Sasuke’s car pulled out onto the busy street, he saw Naruto’s hand reach for his gearshift for the second time that night.

“Well, I don’t think I’ll ever see Shakespeare in the same light.”

“You said it, dobe. To think Shakespeare had such suggestive language in his plays.”

Naruto was silent for a moment, obviously trying to think of something. “You know, I never thought Shakespeare had music in his plays either. But I do remember seeing some performers act out a scene or two from The Tempest. I thought they were just making it up, you know, ‘cause Ariel’s a sprite and all.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow rose as Naruto began to move his hand up and down the gearshift.

Naruto began to sing softly, “Where the bee sucks, there suck I…”

Insatiable, but Sasuke’s foot pressed harder on the gas nonetheless.


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yes, those are actual lines from shakespeare. the song from cymbeline is "hark, hark the lark" and that song naruto sings is "where the bee sucks" from the tempest. yeah, ol' shakey was a perv.

i just felt like writing this. tell me what you think.