Square the circle

Rating: NC-17 (at least it'll be)
Author: sris
Warnings: yaoi, oral, anal
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters or affiliates.

AN: REVIEW!
Special thanks to Juxtathought who did magnificent job beta reading this!

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The desk was a mess. If papers kept on mounting, the piles would be high enough to touch the roof. Report after report, scroll after scroll.

Iruka sighed.

It was time for the annual profit and loss statement and summation. While Iruka didn't mind the work, it would have been much easier to do it in pieces during the year, he knew the godaime and she didn't appreciate paperwork. Sorting, reading, checking and filing was all he had done for the last week or two, the work even followed him home. Not that he had anything better to do in the evenings. Holidays were drawing nearer and he would prefer the paperwork over pathetic nights alone watching sad movies and eating chocolate. Even though he didn't have family he wasn't exactly lonely, he had many friends and he was well liked.

And of course he had Naruto. That blue-eyed, blond loudmouth who always managed to lift Iruka's spirits. He usually spent Christmas holidays with Naruto, but now the boy was with Jiraiya—training, getting stronger, growing up. Soon he would start his own life, go for longer missions, start dating...

Iruka knew he shouldn't be so attached to the boy, but they both had been alone for so long and no one should have to experience that. Naruto was like his little brother who was soon leaving him. And now Iruka was feeling, once again, a void in his life. The void that Naruto had managed to mask for a while, but which had always been there. It was like a small black hole in which he tried to hide, even from himself. It was a sore, nagging feeling that crawled out from its hiding place at the hour of the wolf. It ate its way to his heart, making it bleed the tears of loneliness. Damn holidays, everyone would be busy with their relatives and loved ones.

"Penny for your thoughts." said Tsunade snapping Iruka out of his mental stewing.

"Oh, sorry. Its nothing." Iruka responded, almost whispering.

"You've been working too hard. Take the rest of the day off." Tsunade's voice was demanding.

"No, it's okay. I like working. It keeps my mind occupied."

"Suit yourself." said Tsunade continuing "Oh, and if you see that Hatake, send him to my office. His reports are late as usual."

"I will." answered Iruka, smiling.

Iruka watched Tsunade walk to her office. She didn't care too much for the deadline, otherwise she wouldn't have suggested that he take the rest of the day off. Or she could just be worried about him—not that there was anything to be worried about. The holidays just made him unhappy. He had been alone for so long that he had become used to it. Then came Naruto and his holidays were filled with laughter and joy. It was hard to be alone again. Iruka shook his head. I have to stop this self-pity and get a grip. These papers won't file themselves, and it's no good to dwell on things you can't change. Maybe this year I’ll go and rent something not so depressing, maybe an action movie or a thriller... A file dropped just under his nose making a loud clap. Iruka was snapped from his thoughts, again, and wasn't appreciating the scare.

"You know, you should be more aware of your surroundings. You're a ninja, after all." said Hatake Kakashi in his teasing voice. Iruka blushed from the remark and quickly lifted the file and examined it.

"This mission was completed three weeks ago! You know, you're supposed to turn in mission reports as soon as possible." Iruka said, using his best teacher voice.

"Well, this was ’as soon as possible’ for me." Kakashi responded with his usual smirk. The reddening of Iruka's face was getting deeper.

"Tsunade wanted to see you in her office." Iruka said, stressing that the conversation was over. He shifted his eyes to the file Kakashi had dropped on his table and pretended to be reading it. He could feel the other man's smirking gaze on him, but he kept his eyes on the file. After a minute, which felt like eternity, Kakashi turned and walked to Tsunade's office.

When the door closed Iruka leaned back in his chair and sighed. He hated the fact that Kakashi could make him so furious with so little effort. He was usually really cool tempered and kept his nerves in check, but that man could really get under his skin. It was almost as if Kakashi got off by having him blush and stutter. He always made sarcastic remarks, questioned his judgment, and altogether made fun of him. Kakashi had even used his affection for Naruto to humiliate him.

Surely everyone knew how important the boy was to Iruka and how much he wanted to protect him, but no one had ever made him back off or told him that he was being over-protective—until Kakashi. He cared for Naruto, but he didn't want to smother him. Did Kakashi actually have a point in his remarks? No, that couldn't be. All he ever wanted was the best for the boy. But Naruto had grown so much and his skills had developed nicely as well. He would soon surpass Iruka, if he hadn't already.

Iruka turned his eyes back to Kakashi's report. It wasn't tidy, nor was it well written, but it was very clear that the S-rank mission had been completed successfully and efficiently. After all, Kakashi was a brilliant ninja—an actual genius. Iruka was well aware of Kakashi's accomplishments. He had been very young when he made it into the Anbu. It must have been hard for a boy of that age to be in dangerous missions with older, much more experienced ninja. Kakashi had seen missions, battles, and even wars in his years—which weren't that many. He had lost his family and friends. Not that it was uncommon in a life of ninja, but he had seen so much pain and misery.

The door to Tsunade's office opened again. Kakashi, with his hands in his trousers’ pockets, stepped in. "Why such a long face, Iruka?" he asked.

Iruka didn't detect a slightest hint of teasing from his voice, so he responded "It's nothing, just a bit of holiday blues."

"Oh. And the fact that Naruto is away, training with Jiraiya, would have nothing to do with it?" Kakashi continued. Iruka was starting to boil again.

"Well, it is true that I miss him, but he's growing up and doesn't need me anymore." Iruka said, his words were starting to sink in. The distress pressed his heart and it started to show readily.

Kakashi hummed nervously and tried to smile, then he changed his weight from one foot to another and scratched his head. Seemingly, he didn't know what to do and half laughingly, half seriously said "We could eat dinner together, you know, on Christmas day."

Iruka saw his chance to get back at Kakashi and answered slyly "Apology accepted. But you have to cook too. You could bring the food to my place...hmm...let's say at five o'clock on Christmas day, and I'll see to everything else."

As soon as Iruka had said it, he realized that it meant spending a whole evening with Kakashi, but Kakashi's expression was worth it. Kakashi's jaw dropped and the one eye that was visible was wide open.

"Okay, five o'clock it is then." Kakashi said as he survived from the shock. He smirked and walked out, waving his hand in his usual manner.

Now it was Iruka's turn to be shocked. Kakshi had asked him to have dinner with him—not that it would be anything else than a friendly dinner. Or to be precise, it would be an uncomfortable dinner, with two people who did nothing but quarrel and argue. He couldn't believe they were going to go through with this. But then again, he couldn't cancel; he would never hear the end of it. Iruka turned his eyes back to the files.

Kakashi must be lonely too. He didn't have anyone close in his life—at least, no one that Iruka knew of. Now that he thought about it, he seldom saw Kakashi with anybody. Surely he had many friends, or at least people he was in good terms with, but Iruka had never seen him really talk to anyone. Chat, sure, but not in a deep conversation or situation that showed more than a superficial buddy-relationship. Maybe it was good to have dinner with Kakashi. Maybe Kakashi could show him a more sociable side. Maybe they could be friends.

What is this? Iruka thought. I can't be feeling sorry for him. No, Hatake Kakashi would never want anyone to feel sorry for him. And what am I thinking? Kakashi in a sharing mode—dream on. Feeling even more dejected, Iruka turned once again back to his papers.

Iruka stretched his back and looked at the piles of files. They had dropped one third in height, but there was still too many of them. It was almost six in the evening and he wasn't satisfied. A low growl from his stomach told him it was about time to get something to eat. He took his bag, filled it with files and stood up. He had arranged his pens and pencils into a tidy row and everything looked fine, except the towers of paperwork.

He turned the lights off and locked the doors after him. The building looked dark and peaceful from outside. He was the last one to leave as usual. It was already the night before Christmas Eve and most of the employees had started their vacations already.

December twenty-third, oh no! It hit Iruka. He had only two days to clean up and have everything ready. He hadn't done anything at home, except work, for so long. He hadn't cared because he thought he was going to be alone for Christmas, but now the plans had changed. There wasn't enough time to do all the cleaning, he didn't have time to wash windows and change curtains... Fortunately he didn't let his laundry and dishes pile up. And of course he should go to the store, buy something for dessert and to drink and... There's not enough time!


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