Requiem for a Butterfly

Requiem for a Butterfly

AN- These are vignettes chronicling the relationships of various Naruto couples, het, yaoi, and yuri. None of them are longer than 200 words in length. Also known as drabbles, but I think vignette is a better description. Or maybe I just like the word vignette better. ^_^

Rating: R for crude language and sexual situations. Sorry, no real lemons.

The song lyrics in this fic are courtesy of Billy Joel from the song Innocent Man. They are not mine.

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Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the outside hall
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

I know you're only protecting yourself
I know you're thinking of somebody else
Someone who hurt you
But I'm not above
Making up for the love
You've been denying you ever could feel.


******


Iruka knows that Kakashi won't stay until morning. He never does.

Iruka also knows that Kakashi only takes down the mask in the pitch dark of the bedroom, where not even he can really see. He can trace the curves of what he thinks are an angular chin and thin lips, but Kakashi doesn't let him touch for long.

Despite all the idiosyncracies of their sort-of-relationship, Iruka grips Kakashi tightly around the waist at night and hopes his arms are strong enough to keep him there. Just for one night.

Kakashi runs long fingers over Iruka's shoulder blades, tracing little circles and spirals on the caramel colored skin. The arms around his body slacken in sleep, just like always, and Kakashi slips out of bed and gets dressed. Iruka sleeps on in oblivion. Kakashi's pretty sure that in Iruka's dreams, he stays the night.

Kakashi's pretty sure he could fall in love with Iruka.

He pulls up his mask and shuts the door.

******

Itachi only drank sake once.

Kisame doesn't know why his partner bought himself a bottle of rice-wine. Maybe it was teenage curiosity; no matter how many deaths dye Itachi's hands crimson, without the cloak he still looks fifteen. His hands, Kisame, notes curiously, are small around the neck of the bottle.

The Sharingan doesn't hold when alcohol is in Itachi's system. It slips in and out, red to black to red again, and Kisame sees glimpses of what Itachi almost is. Almost guilty, almost scared, almost regretful, almost a demon, almost a god.

Almost an adult.

Kisame likes Itachi better drunk.


******


Kiba wonders if meeting in alleyways constitutes a clandestine romance. He's guessing not.

As Neji's hands travel up and down his sides, Kiba closes his eyes and pretends that they aren't in an alleyway surrounded by garbage cans with rats gnawing away at the rotting food and soiled boxes. He pretends that the brick wall scratching his skin is actually Neji's bed, soft and clean.

The lips on his neck, he decides not for the first time, would feel better if they didn't have to do this in a hurry before Neji goes home for dinner with his family. Neji won't sneak out of the house later at night to come to Kiba’s because Neji has too much pride to fuck among the dogs.

Neji is a bastard

Kiba is Neji's best-kept secret.


******


Genma isn't allowed to smoke in front of Raido.

To Raido, the crackle of wood being devoured by flames is the sound of skin melting, hissing, popping open. The smell of cigarette smoke is the acrid stench of flesh burning off the bone. Raido nearly vomits when he smells smoke.

Sometimes Genma wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming in his throat and clenching his teeth so viciously that Raido fears he'll bite straight through his tongue, straight through his gums. He fishes the cigarettes from Genma’s bedside drawer and forces one into his mouth, lights it himself because he knows it's the only way to make Genma stop keening like a dying thing.

The smell makes him want to vomit.


******


Ino and Sakura make love in Sakura's room when her parents are out for the night. Ino's hands are rough on Sakura's smooth stomach. She can almost imagine they belong to a man instead of a woman.

Ino always smells like flowers: jasmine, lilac, rose. Sakura smells faintly of anti-septic and blood and pain from the hospital. Among the sweat and salt of their intimacy, jasmines are bleeding in the air.

Neither one of them remembers who kissed who first, but they remember why. They were tired of crying. Now they gasp breathlessly together on Sakura's sheets, a moan here and there, trying to recall whose idea this was in the first place.

Sakura isn't Shikamaru and Ino isn't Sasuke and no one is fooling anyone.


******


Shikamaru watches the clouds when it rains, too.

It doesn't matter that raindrops land in his eyes. He blinks them away as steadily as they fall. He's hyper-aware of the absence of crinkling potato chips beside him and the loud munching of Chouji's enthusiastic chews. He misses the taste of salt on his tongue as he shivers in the cold. His nipples have tightened in retaliation and his skin has risen in little bumps, but Shikamaru doesn't move. His mind is telling him to move, but he's tired of doing the right thing.

Three years since Sasuke defected to Sound. The clouds haven't gone anywhere.

It doesn't matter that tears leak from the corners of his eyes. He blinks them away as steadily as they fall.


******


Marking out maps has become one of Naruto's favorite pastimes.

He circles and labels the areas where Orochimaru was last reported, or where there's even a whisper of a rumor of his whereabouts. Sometimes its in Land of Fire, sometimes its not. No matter where the rumors come from, Naruto makes a note of it.

Its been more than three years. There's no reason to believe that Sasuke is Sasuke.

Except Naruto does.

Marking out maps is Naruto's obsession, as fervent as the heavy ink circles and scrawling handwriting marring the wrinkled paper. Each of the four walls in his bedroom has a different map tacked up. He's memorized the names of all the villages in Earth, Fire, Lightning, Grass, Rain, Water, Wind, Rice, Snow.

He needs to see it to believe it.


******


I'm not above doing anything
To restore your faith if I can
Some people see through the eyes of the old
Before they ever get a look at the young
I'm only willing to hear you cry
Because I am an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am

Some people say they will never believe
Another promise they hear in the dark
Because they only remember too well
They heard somebody tell them before

Some people sleep all alone every night
Instead of taking a lover to bed
Some people find that its easier to hate
Than to wait anymore


******


Their first date wasn't really a date at all. Iruka just likes to call it that so he has something definite to put his finger on.

Kakashi was very abrupt about it. He set the plate of umeboshi onigiri next to Iruka in the missions room after hours, sat down and started reading Icha Icha. He didn't say anything.

Iruka stared at the onigiri, stared at Kakashi, stared at the onigiri again and didn't know what to say. They didn't know each other very well, then. He was the guy who lost all three of the students he passed on from the academy. He was Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Nin.

Kakashi looked at him over the rim of the book. "Those are for you," he informed him in a lazy drawl.

Iruka's stomach didn't protest.


******


Raido knows that Genma isn't always faithful to him. He can smell the different perfumes and colognes on him when he comes home at night.

Objects start flying across the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen. Genma says he's sorry and Raido doesn't believe him; he's done this before. Raido's sure the neighbors can hear the commotion they make, but anger is stronger than embarrassment.

After the yelling stops, mostly on Raido's part because Genma is too guilty to say much of anything, Raido tell him to get out, tells him to never come back, screams that he never wants to see the cheating bastard again. And Genma goes.

Two days later, Genma knocks on the front door. Genma says he's sorry and Raido's willing to believe him until it happens again.


******


Itachi swears he sees things that aren't there sometimes. Even with the Sharigan activated all the time, he's certain he's seeing things he shouldn't.

They aren't ghosts. Itachi knows better than to believe that the dead have any kind of hold over him. That's his calling; he's the ghost, the walking nightmare, the infamy of Konoha, the specter in his brother's fevered dreams. Itachi is haunted by nothing he's done.

The things he sees are here and now. A sliver of bare skin when Kisame scratches at his neck. A smile too soft to house all of Kisame's teeth. The barest hint of fatigue after dropping Samehada on the floor of a dirt encrusted, bug infested hotel room.

Itachi isn't haunted by the past. He's haunted by the here and the now, by the things he’s not supposed to feel.


******


"I saw Shikamaru today," Sakura says as she leans against the counter of the Yamanaka's flower shop.

Ino pauses in her flower arrangement, a lily posed a few inches above the bouquet she's putting together for a wedding banquet. "Oh?"

"Yeah." She swipes a sweaty thumb over the glass counter top. "He's back from his mission."

Ino nods briskly, pretending she cares less than she does. "Good. I'm glad he made it back."

Alive Sakura finishes for her. She feels a little vindictive for doing this to her girlfriend. Shikamaru will never want Ino, and both of the girls know it. Just like Sasuke will never want her, because by now he isn't Sasuke at all. Sasuke is dead.

Shikamaru might as well be dead for all the time he spends thinking about ghosts. And that makes Sakura feel a little bit better.


******


It's getting to be that Kiba can't stand the sight of Neji.

He thinks about him all the time. Shino notices Kiba's mind wondering during mission, pokes him in the arm to get his attention after he misses something. Kiba wants to tell Shino about his relationship, but he knows Neji would be mad if he found out.

Kiba stays quiet, lets Shino think he's a bad shinobi for his inattention. Lately, he's finding it hard to disagree. No good shinobi would let someone abuse him like Neji abuses Kiba. If only his cock didn't feel so damn good thrusting inside of him, his lips so addictive a drug.

Neji is probably killing him, but Kiba can't stop.


******


Naruto doesn't get exactly what it is that Shikamaru is looking at when he stares at the sky. Clouds really aren't that interested. All they are is condensed water.

They make shapes. Sometimes. Other times, they are just a stark, amorphic expanse of white.

As he lies down next to Shikamaru in the grass, he tries guessing what kind of shapes Shikamaru is seeing. He sees a hammer and a lion, a guitar not far away, something that looks like it could be a ship if he squints. The ship is departing from harbor, Naruto imagines, sailing into waters uncharted by any map.

Naruto sees Sasuke in the clouds. Shikamaru sees Chouji.

The funny thing about clouds: they don't stay in one place forever, or even for long. They shift, rearrange, dissipate, change.

The clouds make shapes sometimes.


******


I know you don't want to hear what I say
I know you're gonna keep turning away
But I've been there and if I can survive
I can keep you alive
I'm not above going through it again
I'm not above being cool for a while
If you're cruel to me I'll understand


Some people run from a possible fight
Some people figure they can never win
And although this is a fight I can lose
The accused is an innocent man
I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man


******


He doesn't touch Itachi anymore when they have sex. When he tried, the commas in his eyes swirled in dire warning. He hasn't made an attempt in years.

Each time is just like the first time. Itachi is always the one who makes the first advance, his hands still too small around Kisame's thick wrist. Just like the first time, when Itachi was barely sixteen.

They make nice in motel rooms, sleazy motels where men take whores for a petty hour of carnal playtime. The beds squeak and groan under the weight of a man and an-almost-god indulging in sins of the flesh, the kind that makes virgins blush in shades of scarlet.

Itachi fucks himself on Kisame's cock as he straddles the shark-man's waist just like one of the whores in the next room. Kisame isn't allowed to touch him, though, not even to help him along. Itachi doesn't need help. Ever.

All Kisame does is lay back and marvel at the hands of the nineteen year old impaling himself on his length. His hands are still so small compared to his.

Just like the first time.


******


Neji knows better. Really, he does. If he were a lesser man, he'd be willing to admit that he's nothing short of a coward when it comes to Kiba.

Kiba means giving up everything he's gained since the chuunin exams: his uncle's respect, Hinata's friendship, the Hyuuga family honor. Everything he's wanted since birth he finally has at his fingertips. He even has a lover. Not that he can tell anyone.

But, he wants to be with Kiba. Really, he does. But telling his family would send him right back to the beginning, far from grace. Kiba is wild, lean, vivacious- all the things Neji is not. He's the storm you stand out in, just to see if you'll get struck by lightning. He could be the ruin of Neji.

If he were a better man, he'd admit that he's scared.


******


"Five seconds," Kakashi says before he flicking the lamp on.

The darkness dissipates in a reverse flash. Iruka blinks rapidly to adjust his vision. The face in front of him is thin and angular, just like his fingers told him in the dark. His eyebrows are thin and arched. His lips are pale from being obscured from the sun for so long.

The most startling aspect of his face is the eyes. They look out of context like this, with no enemy in sight. He wonders where Copy-nin Kakashi has gone. This man before him is a stranger.

Kakashi flicks the lights off again and the world is plunged into darkness. "There," he says in quiet anxiety. "No more faceless man."

Iruka rubs the corners of his own eyes and lays back down again. Copy Ninja Kakashi is back when the lights go out. He had five whole seconds to memorize the features of a man he’s been almost dating for two years.

He knows less about Kakashi now than he did five seconds ago.


******


Sakura lets out one last little moan as Ino brings her to completion with her tongue. The sex in their relationship is good, better than she ever thought sex with another girl could be.

The thing is, some nights Sakura pretends that Ino's fingers and tongue belong to someone else.

They lay together afterward, pressed as close as they can. Sakura flutters kisses across Ino's forehead, cheeks, lips, chin, and throat in apology for wayward thoughts. She can't figure out why she has so much trouble focusing on what's right in front of her. Ino is gorgeous. Ino is full of life and laughter and smirks. Ino is warm in her arms

Ino is here.

Sakura is guilty.


******


Anko's passage is tight and hot and wet around Genma's throbbing cock. He slips out slowly and slams in hard. She groans, moans, gasps, and says his name until he thinks his ears will explode with the sound.

Raido says his name, too, says it like he's reaching out for something solid to keep him from falling off the face of the earth. He throws it out like a grapple.

Anko likes being fucked from behind with her hands braced on the headboard. Her breasts heave and bounce from the forward, backward, forward motion.

Genma takes Raido from the front. He can see his eyes while they're fucking because that's what Radio likes. His brown eyes beg the same way his voice does. Genma's name on his tongue is a plea disguised in ecstacy. "Don't do it again," he's really saying. "Don't fuck her again. Please don't fuck her again."

That's how Genma keeps ending up surging into Anko from behind. He can't stand the sound of desperation.


******


Shikamaru and Naruto have begun a routine. Every free afternoon at four o'clock they lay side by side on Naruto's roof and cloud gaze. They stay in the same spot for hours, often until the clouds sport heavy grey underbellies and the sky is littered with the first, faint stars of the evening.

Naruto doesn't know why he suddenly leans over and captures Shikamaru's lips in his own. When was the last time he kissed anyone? Certainly that one time with Sasuke, but that was an accident.

Startled, Shikamaru does the only logical thing he can come up with. He kisses back. He can think of one hundred different reasons why this should be wrong, but the way Naruto's body curls into his tells him that maybe he should learn to stop thinking so much.

It's not like he ever kissed Chouji.


******


You know you only hurt yourself out of spite
I guess you'd rather be a martyr tonight
That's your decision
But I'm not below
Anybody I know
If there's a chance of resurrecting a love
I'm not above going back to the start
To find out where the heartache began


******


A bad infection, Tsunade announced to crowd in the hospital waiting room. An unforseen complication in what should have been a simple surgery.

Naruto is crying like he hasn't cried since Sasuke left three years ago. Shikamaru holds him close and lets him wet his shirt with tears. He remembers all too well what its like to lose someone.

Sakura is too shocked to do or say anything. She just pats Naruto on the shoulder absently, wondering how something so routine could go so wrong. It was only a C-ranked escort mission. A genin could have handled it.

Kakashi sits in the chair next to Iruka's bed, fingers tracing circles and spirals on his skin. He's cold. Rigor mortis is starting to set in on Iruka's muscles. Kakashi's seen more than enough death to know how this works by now.

It's a good thing Kakashi didn't fall in love with Iruka. Otherwise this might really hurt.


******


"Two funerals in three days," Sakura mumbles to the sky. Ino, Naruto, and Shikamaru stand behind her, Ino with her hand on the small of her back. Her eyes haven't been dry since Tsunade gathered the remnants of Team Seven and reported Kakashi's death at the hands of an enemy. "That has to be some kind of record."

"A kunai to the neck," Naruto says bitterly. "I never thought he'd be the type to go down like that."

Sakura never thought he'd be the type either. He'd seemed so much more resilient than the rest of them. Stronger for all he'd survived.

"First Sasuke goes down, now Kakashi." He looks at Sakura, blue eyes burning overly brightly with a degree of pain she's never seen before. "Which one of us do you think is going next, Sakura?"

She shrugs weakly. Ino's hand convulses on her back.


******


Neji knocks on the door of Kiba's house. Dogs bark excitedly inside, anxious to sniff the new visitor to the Inuzuka compound. He swallows back nerves.

Kiba flings the door open. Like Neji, he's still dressed in the black of Kakashi's funeral. "I told you to leave me alone, Hyuuga." The normally heated tone of his voice is frigid. Its been three weeks since Kiba punched Neji in the jaw in the alley between the bookstore and the flower shop. His jaw hurts at the mere memory.

"My family knows." He tries hard not to shuffle nervously. Falling is even harder than he imagined.

"Oh?" Kiba scratches indolently at an itch on his neck. "Did you tell them about me, or did they find out on their own?" The cynicism in his voice isn't masked at all.

Neji doesn't need to say anything for Kiba to see the truth. The scent of his guilt is proof enough. Kiba's nose is as insightful as Neji's Byakuugan. Neji feels distinctly naked standing under Kiba's judgement, waiting for the lightning to strike.

He shuts the door without a word.


******


Genma's fingers are trembling too severely to light his cigarette properly. This funeral is hell on his nerves. Kakashi was sort of a friend, and anyway, he's reminded of Hayate's burial a few years ago.

A steady hand snags the lighter from his shaking hands and the flame clicks to life. Genma inhales gratefully.

Raido slips the lighter into his boyfriend's pocket, standing close even though the smoke is turning his stomach. They haven't talked for a week. Genma fucked Anko again. Raido doesn't understand why he does it any more than he understands why he continually forgives him.

Genma blows the smoke out of the side of his mouth, away from Raido's nose. Sorry isn't enough now. Sorry was never really enough. Genma is an idiot. A scared idiot blowing smoke, hoping it isn't too late.

He touches his free hand to Raido's neck, the other one holding the cigarette. "I love you," he says softly. Desperately.

Raido's eyes widen before melting. "I love you too," he returns right before Genma kisses him like they're about to make love for the first time.

He flicks the cigarette to the dirt.


******


Ino sits next to Sakura on the bench. She doesn't drape her arm around her girlfriend because Sakura looks like she needs space.

The air is heavy for spring. The black of her dress is pooling all of the heat on her shoulders.

Sakura clasps and unclasps her hands a few times before speaking. "This isn't working Ino," she tells her honestly, feeling that the girl deserves to hear it even though she already knows.

Ino just nods in response. Ino knows that they don't need anymore heartbreak. "Still friends, forehead?"

In spite of the somber aura of the day, Sakura laughs. It's been a long time since she heard that nickname. "Still friends, Ino-pig," she agrees.

Ino smiles back, ignoring the tiny tear that slips down Sakura's cheek. She drapes her arm around her best friend, squeezing gently. Her arm is cool on the back of Sakura's hot neck.


******


Kisame thinks about kissing Itachi while he sleeps. Really quickly and just on the cheek. He'd like to kiss him on the lips, but he knows Itachi would kill him.

He doesn't look anywhere near as dangerous asleep as he does awake. The lines under his eyes aren't as defined, the harshness erased. His lips aren't schooled into their customary half-frown. They are rather slack, and Kisame thinks he sees drool in the corner of his mouth. He looks relaxed for once. Itachi is a person instead of a deity when he sleeps.

Gently, like a ghost, Kisame brushes a lone finger down Itachi's pale cheek from eyelashes to mouth. His eyes snap open almost immediately. The Sharigan swirls, but not in anger. In calculation. Kisame brushes his skin again, cool and smooth, feeling brave.

Itachi lets him. His eyes flutter shut again.

Itachi is just another person to Kisame.


******


They are back on Naruto's roof. Shikamaru dragged a metal barrel up three flights of stairs and settled it near the ledge of the building, stoking it with kindling and a few drops of sake. In the old days, Shikamaru would have said that it was troublesome.

Naruto approaches from the stairs carrying an armload of papers. Maps, Shikamaru realizes.

Slowly, deliberately, Naruto rips a section from each map and lets the serrated pieces drift into the barrel to settle among the twigs. One by one. Shikamaru takes note of the circles around certain cities, sees a few glimpses of Sasuke's name.

When he's done tearing up the maps that have decorated his bedroom for years, he lights a match. With a deep exhale, Naruto tosses the match into the barrel. The alcohol flares the fire so strongly that Shikamaru can feel the heat in his blood. They stand next to each other and watch the paper burn.

They're done with the old days.


******


Some people hope for a miracle cure
Some people just accept the world as it is
But I'm not willing to lay down and die
Because I am an innocent man

I am an innocent man
Oh yes I am
An innocent man


Fin

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OMG, I killed Iruka and Kakashi. How could I do such a thing to them?

Actually, this whole fic was inspired by a singe line: "It's a good thing Kakashi didn't fall in love with Iruka. Otherwise this might really hurt." My muses fated them to die from the beginning.

Let me know what you think. I've never done drabbles before, much less string them together in a storyline.