Breaking Apart

Breaking Apart

Warnings: DARK FIC. RAPE. Yaoi. I am writing this as a stress reliever. It is twisted and morbid with disturbing images. I do not have a beta, so this is unbetaed- read at your own risk.

'...' = Sasuke Thinking
"..." = Talking


Prologue: Before the Beginning

‘I know he is breaking apart. I know he placed all his hope in me.’ I think as I sit in my hiding space watching him crumble. ‘I can’t be your hero, Naruto. But I won’t let you go either. You are mine. That IS something you can believe.’

****Previously****

“You sure, dobe?” I whisper into his neck. I lift my head to stare into his eyes, letting my eyes trail over his well-defined stomach and chest. I suppress a shudder of desire. ‘Goddamn, I want this man!’

Glancing down at his body I sincerely hope he will say, yes. ‘Please, say yes.’ I wish to myself as I look into his eyes with concern. I don’t think I can walk away from him tonight, but I will try to if he asks.

I see the indecision in his eyes. The moonlight streaming into his room makes him almost completely visible to me.

Naruto and I had been together for 2 years and I have never pressured him to have sex. But I have my limits. We are 22 years old now. I need him. I have needed him for the past 4 years. I have wanted him during the two years I spent helping him heal after our return from the Sound. And I've wanted him for the last two years as I have been coaxing him to trust me. I almost wince as I watch the trust and indecision pass over Naruto’s face. ‘Trust.’ I am not trustworthy. And for you Naruto, I will never be trustworthy.

I would be lying if I said I was a virgin. I would be lying if I said that I was celibate while I waited for Naruto. I have slept with so many people it would be impossible to for me to name them all. He doesn’t know that though. But then why should he? I have an agreement with my partners; I would kill them if they ever told anyone. I would kill them if Naruto ever found out. And I do not issue idle threats. No one’s life is more important than Naruto’s and my relationship. No one’s life. I will kill anyone who threatens us.

“I-“ Naruto begins and breaks off. I already know. I can barely conceal my disappointment. ‘He’s going to turn me down again.’ I feel my breath release in a huff, as I avert my eyes so Naruto does not see the disappointment in them. “I’m sorry, Sasuke,” Naruto continues sadly.

I lay my head on his shoulder attempting to gain control of my desire. “Why don’t you trust me, dobe?” I whisper more to myself than to Naruto. 'How much longer do you expect me to wait, dobe?'

I feel Naruto raise my head with both hands. Looking into my eyes, “I do trust you, Sasuke. You’re my hero after all. I just- I can’t let it go.” With that I lower my head back to his shoulder and rest. I know we can stay like this all night. We have in the past. Naruto is comfortable with this; he just can’t seem to proceed beyond this.

I shudder sadly as I process Naruto’s rejection. He's simply telling me again what I have known- what I have always known. I never intended to return from the Sound. But somehow Orochimaru captured Naruto. He was kept in one of Orochimaru’s cells for 3 weeks before I found out. I remember Kabuto's laughter as he described some of what Naruto was put through.

Orochimaru used him like a dog. Kabuto treated him like a lab experiment. And the rest of the inmates used him like a playmate. By the time I found him he was out of his mind. His eyes stared off into space. He was naked, filthy and covered in blood and semen. He even had dried semen caked on his face, as if he had grown tired of wiping it off with his hands so he let it remain there.

He didn't recognize me, and he did not attempt to fight me when I lifted him out of the bloody grime that surrounded him on the stone floor. I thought I heard a faint whimper, but I suspect that was my imagination. I would have given my soul for one sound from Naruto at that moment. Some sign of sanity.

I killed Orochimaru. I killed him after I fucked the life out of him. I made him feel some of what Naruto felt as I induced my thrusts with chakra to make him feel like I was pounding into him with the force of one thousand pounds. I almost tore his body in half. Almost…such a quick death was too good for him. When I trapped him in an alternative universe that made him experience me raping him over and over for 24 hours, I laughed joyously at his screams. I laughed the entire time all the while preparing to slowly take his life.

Raping him was just for fun, not vengeance. Vengeance is a much more painstaking and gut-wrenching process. Vengeance ceases to be fun the minute after it starts and all one is left with to complete the task is one’s desire for vengeance. It is a crime of desire, not pleasure. Vengeance is as disgusting as it is time-consuming. There is no pleasure to be had in it- only justice.

I killed Orochimaru by puncturing him to death. I used Kabuto's surgical needles to tear away his flesh one microscopic hole at a time. I refused to let him die quickly like I killed Kabuto and the other prison inmates. It took me 5 days of constant puncturing to kill Orochimaru. Near the end, Orochimaru had lost the will to survive. Just like Naruto. The only thing I left recognizable of Orochimaru’s bloody mangled corpse was his face, which was covered with dried semen. Just like Naruto. The only difference was Orochimaru was dead. Unlike Naruto who wished he was dead. And, for Naruto, death was not an option.

I refused to let Naruto die. I carried him back to Konoha and left him with Tsunade before returning to the Sound to finish Orochimaru. The fool waited for me. He had no idea how strong I had become. By the time I got back to Konoha, Naruto had already tried to kill himself 4 times.

I was briefly tried before Konoha’s council for my crimes. But upon returning with Orochimaru’s head, no matter what state it was in, I was pardoned. Tsunade has never looked at me quite the same again after seeing Orochimaru’s head. As a medic-nin, she knew exactly how I killed him. And she knew exactly how long it took for me to remove his flesh with needles and for how he was dead during the process. If she cared to date the semen on his face, she would have found that I masturbated on his head every day I held him captive even long after he was dead. That’s right, it took me 12 days to return from the Sound with Orochimaru’s head. Like I said, vengeance is disgusting and time-consuming, but it is also justice.

Shikamaru realized my so-called sickness right away after looking at the head. I requested that he take care of Naruto. And he immediately objected. But soon, he backed down, especially when I turned my glare on him. I would kill him and he knew it.

Still, for that little unexpected rebellion Shikamaru was my first sexual partner in Konoha. I've always been attracted to willfulness. He resisted me at first, but he came to love my visits. I can still remember how tight his ass was and how wet his mouth... He still invites me over to his house for ‘visits’, but Shikamaru’s old news. I knew just when he had grown too attached. I left him because as intelligent as he is, he might have done something stupid like tell Naruto. And I would have to kill him. And that would be a waste of a good piece of ass. ‘Want not; waste not, I always say.’ Besides, I am sure that Neji is grateful for all the things I taught Shika.

All the while, I took care of Naruto. I coaxed him back to reality. I coaxed him back to language. I coaxed him back to me. And slowly he began to respond. His first word was “Sasuke”. I remember that day. I felt like a proud father. But I knew I wanted to be anything but a father to Naruto.

Even then I was not to be trusted. It took me seeing Naruto broken and used on the floor in Orochimaru’s cell for me to start feeling any desire for him at all. At the time, my anger swallowed up my desire. But I have always been honest with myself, if I was the one who had left Naruto in such a state, I would have raped him again just because of the look on his face. He was beautiful in his insanity. He was beautiful. If it were my dried semen on his face, he would have been a work of art. And I would have worshiped him as such. So, no, my anger was not because Naruto was broken and used, but because someone had broken what was only mine to break. Naruto was mine to break. Or so I thought.

It took months after his first word for all of his damaged organs to heal. Between Kabuto, Orochimaru, and the prison inmates Naruto’s body had been internally mangled beyond recognition. The only thing keeping Naruto alive was Kyuubi, who simply refused to die like that (or so he told me).

It was hard when we found out that he had actually developed at some point female organs that were fully functional. After Kabuto’s experiments and the multiple and brutal rapes he suffered, he was unable to have children any longer. It was when I held him while he cried for all of the children he would not have, that something in me broke. I began to cry. I began to cry for all of the children I would not have with Naruto. That something of mine could have been so damaged; while I could have been in striking distance almost killed me. My remorse turned my desire to fix him so I could break him again into a desire to fix him so I could protect him. To protect him from everyone, from the village, from his friends, from himself, from me…everyone.

'I am afraid I am going to fail in protecting him from me,' I think calmly with very little remorse. 'That's life, I suppose.

As I lay with my head on his shoulder, listening to his even breathing. I know he has fallen asleep. My desire is somewhat calmer, but I still need to visit Shino, if I am to spend the night with Naruto. And I know the dobe would be hurt if I don't stay. As I lift myself off of his sleeping figure, carefully, so as not to disturb him, I look down at Naruto’s body- the body I helped to put back together. I look down at his wide chest that is increasing in bulk since he has started training again. I let my gaze trail down his six-pack that he worked so hard to get back after the surgeries. I let my eyes rest on his cock, which is still semi-hard, arising out of blond curls. I close my eyes and groan to myself as I continue to lift myself off of him before I change my mind about Shino. ‘I know he wants me, Damn it. Why doesn’t he just take what he wants?’

I have offered to play uke to his seme, but even this is unacceptable to Naruto. “He doesn’t want to hurt me,” he says. ‘I wish he would. I wish he would.’

As I move towards the door, I look back at him. When he sleeps he is beautiful, he is everything I have ever wanted him to be. With a sigh, I turn to leave. ‘I do not know how much longer I can pretend to be a better person than I am. I am sorry, Naruto. But pretty soon, I am going to have to force you.’

-TBC-

Next Chapter: Naruto finds out about Shino. Sasuke gets more sadistic.