Imprints on my Skin

Most of Naruto's clients wanted sex, and that was it. He was fine with that, that was the business after all. Sometimes, though, there would be something else, usually something weird, something sick. In this respect, Sai was probably better than most. Still, Naruto always shivered slightly, skin slick with cooling sweat as he lay still, stretched out on his stomach, head turned away, hands bound behind his back.

Sai always tied him up. It wasn't something he normally did, but Sai was a regular and he could be trusted. It always scared him a little though, when the first loops were made, his wrists drawn across his back, each to the opposite elbow. He couldn't fight like this, couldn't defend himself. Not that he could take down Sai if he wasn't tied, Naruto wasn't very muscular, wiry and thin from years of self denial and angst.

That was the way Sai fucked him, tied up and helpless, though he used a new position every time, a new alignment, always some new way to hold him, new knots to practice. He couldn't really complain about that part either, at least Sai always made sure he came, which was more than he could say for some of his clients. No, the part that always made him uncomfortable was the afterwards, lying there, tied up and still sticky. The boy always started out just watching, waiting. It made his shift awkwardly, he could feel the eyes on him and it made him want to disappear.

Then Sai would get up, walk around until he found some angle he liked, and settle down, sketchbook in his lap. He always drew Naruto, bound and spread out and still wet with the sweat and messy things of their sex. It always made Naruto nervous, blushing and ashamed, because he'd never looked in a mirror and liked what he saw. He was just some whore, stuck in some little town. He had had dreams once, and places he wanted to go, but not anymore. He'd lost them all and now he was here, with nothing really. The problem with having almost nothing though, was that he was afraid to lose it. He'd worked hard for everything, and he knew it could be taken away in a second.

But he sat still, or as still as he could with the tingling unpleasantness of eyes upon him, shutting his eyes tightly, curling away. He sat still because Sai paid well, and as much as he hated this, he needed the money, he always needed the money.

He'd asked Sai why once, and they boy had smiled, pale and gorgeous, and he'd said, because
you're beautiful. Naruto had smiled, he'd blushed, and he'd taken the compliment at it's value. It was worth nothing to him though, words spoken in that little space between proposition and payment rarely were worth much to him. They were all just johns, caught up in the moment, in some fantasy.

But Sai always said it, kept coming back, kept telling him, because you're beautiful, and he kept nodding, he kept blushing, kept not believing him. Only now things were different, he looked at the familiar face and he saw another, same pale skin, same dark eyes, same black hair, messy from sweat and fingers tangled through. Sai was beautiful, by himself, only he was more so now, with the echoes of another on top of him. And for some reason, from that mouth, those simple words, repeated so often, regained some meaning.

Because you're beautiful, thats why he was still there. Every time he heard it it warmed him a little, something in the back of his mind telling him it was true, if only to them, and it would keep them coming back, keep him coming back. He waited in the darkness, behind closed eyes like always, for the tingling of that gaze to fade, for warm hands to touch his cold skin, loosen the knots and let the ropes slip away, rubbing the signature scaling they left on his skin lightly, in little caring circles.

He kept his eyes closed though, imagining those fingers were on someone else's hands, imagining the smile he wouldn't see there if he opened his eyes, small and smirking, playing around a scarred face. He felt safe with him, safer than he'd ever felt with any regular, not Sai not anyone.

He sighed, keeping his eyes closed, relaxing into familiar arms, letting Sai kiss him with someone else's lips, even if the pressure wasn't right, the angle, the line, the thickness. He could fix it all, inside his head, escape to somewhere that isn't here. He could have this, for that moment he could be beautiful again, until he opened his eyes, and broke the spell.

Then things went back to the same. It was Sai above him, Sai shutting the door to his crappy little apartment, leaving the envelope on the table, the usual fees and the usual tips. He was back to being alone then, back to being ugly and small and broken and alone. Until the next time. But until then, he could always close his eyes and remember. He could remember, and hope that maybe the next time could be real.