A Million or Me?

“You want me?” Naruto blinked at the script, as if it would magically make sense.

“It’s a great idea.” Jiraiya said indignantly. “With all this interest in gay men, how could we not try to market it?”

“That doesn’t mean I want to market my gayness. What makes you even think that a bunch of guys would compete for me?”

“The million dollar prize.” Tsunade added.

Naruto crossed his arms in a pout, “You could have at least played on my vanity a little bit.”

“I think you’re sexy.” Jiraiya added helpfully.

He rolled his eyes. “This is stupid.”

“Why don’t you look at some pictures before you say no?” Jiraiya threw a folder towards Naruto, who caught it, cursing about the dangers of throwing things that could cause paper cuts.

Carefully he pulled a few pictures out of the folder, and read the first name. Last names had obviously been left off so that the men had some privacy. “Neji. Damn.” He stared down at the long haired…boy didn’t fit. But man didn’t seem accurate either. He looked more like a porcelain god, and the light eyes confirmed it. “Why on earth would this guy go on a show for a boyfriend?”

“The money. It seems Neji has some issues with his family, and he seems to think money is the only solution. He even spent a night in jail for…” Jiraiya stopped when Tsunade elbowed him.

Naruto thought of such a pretty creature in jail. The shower images that popped into his mind made the bulge in his pants swell. He put the picture down, scared that if he stared any longer he might have an embarrassing problem. He almost whimpered when he saw the next picture. Two gorgeous men…what were the odds that Jiraiya had been able to recruit two men who’s pictures was enough to make Naruto want to pull his pants down in front of his aunt and boss. This one had fiery red hair, eyes, that even just from the picture, made his pulse speed up, and such a unique look that Naruto was sure the image was etched into his mind for the rest of his life. “What’s this one’s story?”

“Gaara. He’s been living on his own since he was sixteen. He’s been living from paycheck to paycheck and wants the opportunity to get financially ahead.”

Naruto licked his lips and reluctantly dropped the picture on top of Neji’s.

With a glance from the third one, Naruto actually let out a whimper. Two men…he would chuck that up to coincidence. But three…that was just a cruel fate. “Sasuke.” The word dropped from his lips in a dry whisper. Black eyes that would have looked fake and dangerous on anyone else, just made him ooze with mystery and sexuality. It was as if he was looking into the eyes of a cornered animal. He shivered slightly. And the spiky black hair, so black it almost looked blue, framed his pale features perfectly. He threw the pictures down. He couldn’t look at any more.

“So?” Tsunade asked with a knowing look.

“If you make me pass out roses, I’ll quit.”

Jiraiya smirked, “Oh no, we’ve got something much more…interesting in mind. We’re going to give every man a long black box. They’ll all open it one at time, and the ones with dildos in them, are the losers. It will be like a consolation prize.”

Naruto thoughts combined dildos with the pictures swarming around in his head. He grabbed the folder and the script, “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Naruto, we’re going to use those pictures again, so please keep them clean!” Tsunade called after him.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The camera pulled back as Naruto sat down in the chair, and then tried zooming in on him.

Naruto looked at the overbearing camera, “Uh, hi, my name is Naruto. I am the prize on the show.” He had been warned not to mention the money. He wasn’t technically supposed to know that all the sexy guys on the show were after money and not him. “I’m really excited to get to meet all of the guys. I guess my dream guy…” Naruto scowled, “This is stupid.” He yelled off stage to the director, Kakashi.

“Cut.” Kakashi sighed. “Naruto, if you would just read the script.”

“But it makes me sound so gay.”

“You are gay.”

Naruto made a face, “Not that gay.”

“Just say the line.”

“You don’t force all the guys read a script.”

“And go.” Kakashi ignored Naruto’s little outburst.

Naruto plastered a smile onto his face, “I guess my dream guy is somebody who can make me laugh. Who is worth my tears but never makes me shed them. And he has to have a great ass.” Naruto controlled his eye-rolling.

“And cut.”

Naruto got out of the chair, “So when do I show up on the set and meet the guys?”

“After their social. We have to let them feel out the competition.”

“You mean create enemies so there’s more drama on the show.”

“And then we’ll have you drive up in a limo, and you’ll shake hands with every boy, get a quick introduction, and that will be it for the night. And then you’ll go up to the room and pick which two you want to let go.”

“No dates first?”

“Not worth the money. I’m sure you’ll know as soon as you meet them, which ones you’d give a chance in hell to, and which ones you wouldn’t.”

Naruto wanted to tell him that he wasn’t that vain. That he wasn’t going to judge on looks alone. But then he remembered this was a reality dating show. People wanted to watch as people were dejected and humiliated. They expected the “prize” to be vain, to eliminate everyone but the drop dead sexy. Naruto knew all that when he had agreed to this. “Fine,” Naruto agreed at the thought that audiences wanted to see sexual activity too, and as those three pictures rotated around in his mind constantly, he would be eager to comply with that one.


****Sai’s Interview*

Sai nodded towards the camera as he plastered a smiled on his face after already being prompted with the interview question.

“My name is Sai, I’m twenty one and I am an artist. I usually draw kinbaku-bi, which is a beautiful rope bondage style created by the Japanese. I’m good at doing it too. I hope this man we’re competing for is attractive. I brought this book with me.” And Sai held up a book, “It’s called 'Making an Impact'. It says in order to get someone to notice you sexually you have to be friendly and attentive. So that’s what I plan to do.”


****Neji’s Interview*

Neji gave the camera a look that could probably melt glass.

“My name is Neji. I’m a businessman. I’m here for the money. I don’t care about this guy, but I’ll win him over anyway.”

“Is that it?” The camera man asked.

Neji nodded.

****Lee’s Interview*

“My name is Rock Lee, and I am not currently working. I wanted to come on this show so I could impress my mentor. I will show him the romancing skills of the young. I will win this man!” Lee jumped out of his seat and gave the camera an intense thumb’s up.

“Uh, that’s good for now.” The camera man sighed.

****Sasuke’s Interview*

Sasuke sat down on the stool and crossed his arms.

“My name is Sasuke. What I do is nobody’s business. I have goals for this show, but I’m not going to share them.”


*****Choji’s interview*

Choji glared at the camera man as he was told to put down his club sandwich. He merely took another bite out of it, “Interviewing makes me hungry.”

“Fine, just don’t talk with your mouth full. Ready, start.”

Choji took another bite out of his sandwich, “My name is Choji. I am a cook. I don’t really care about the show, I only came because my friend begged me to come with him. But the free food is a nice bonus. Maybe after I get cut they’ll let me cater. I could definitely use the money.”

*****Shikamaru’s Interview*

“My name is Shikamaru. I help my friend run his restaurant. I figured the money could help the business out a little bit. The loan company was a being a fucking bitch, so this is pretty much our last chance. Otherwise I would never degrade myself to this. I hate reality T.V.”

“We might have to edit that a bit.”

****Gaara’s Interview*

“Just introduce yourself, Gaara. Tell us what you do. What you hope to accomplish by coming on this show. Okay, go.”

Gaara stared blankly at the camera.

“Say something.” The camera man hissed.

“Do cameras really add ten pounds?”

“Fuck it, that’s all I’m doing today.”

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A/N: Oh so many plot bunnies. Let me know what you think! Much appreciated.