Spiraling Sharks

NOTES: Once again, Akatsuki no longer exists because they gang-raped their leader to death. They thought he was stupid and full of cliché for wanting to do the same thing as every other villain.

Anyway, I realize the word kisama does not mean “bastard” and is simply a vulgar form of “you.” I just always thought that sounded funny.

And as usual, I’ve taken liberties in describing the Cloud Village in my own way.

* * *

Business missions. Such a drag . . . shoot, Naruto thought. I’m starting to sound like Shikamaru . . . and speaking of Shikamaru, he’d love this place. Clouds everywhere.

Naruto stared at all those ivory boulders piling upon each other. Some of the natives could focus their chakra so well that they used these clouds as transportation throughout the village. Spherical houses sprouted out the honeycomb tunnels in the surrounding mountains, bridges interlinking them. Overall, this place looked a lot like home, the Leaf Village. Just take away the trees, add a couple clouds here and there, and you’ve got the Cloud Village.

Gazing about, leaning on a rail overlooking the marketplace, bored, Naruto spotted someone he knew.

But what the heck would the Sixth Mizukage be doing out here in the Cloud Village? Shouldn’t he be at home, protecting the Mist Village? Scanning the silver-blue man up and down, trying to make sense of his presence, Naruto squinted. The former maniac was staring into the sky as waves of drizzle hit him right smack in the face. He smiled into the moisture. Maybe he was on vacation? He probably enjoyed the humidity here from the looks of things, or maybe he was also here on business . . . hopefully not to sabotage anyone—either way, Naruto was curious!

“KISAME!” he hollered, trotting up a ramp of concrete to where the man stood.

“You actually remembered my name, eh? Uzumaki Naruto?” Kisame turned around, smirking. Rows of razors gleamed, slashing off sunlight in all directions.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “’Course I remember! How could I forget? It sounds like ‘bastard’ in Japanese!”

All ninjas knew a little bit of the language of the ancients—and Kisame frowned, an aquatic gurgle glugging in the back of his throat.

“You don’t remember my blade’s name, do you?”

“Nope! Not a clue!”

The gill-like slits upon his cheeks flared. “. . . And what about my family name?”

“What’re you doing here?” Naruto asked, unconcerned with silly things like names and formalities.

In response, Kisame started blaring about disrespect and such, but Naruto didn’t pay him any heed. Instead, he watched with interest as those weird gills opened widely and shut tightly with each word. He wondered if Kisame could breathe underwater with those things.

After the Mizukage finished his spiel about whatever, he answered Naruto’s earlier question: “I’m here because I felt like getting out of that waterhole for a little while. It’s a peaceful time, and they can take care of themselves—what’s it to you?”

“Damn, it’s wet here,” Naruto said, ignoring Kisame’s question. He unzipped his jacket with a buzz then slipped it off, sweat sloshing as he bundled it up and stuffed it under his armpit. Shirtless, he stood there with a grin.

“What are you talking about?” Kisame asked, brow folded. “The weather’s just right, here. The moisture keeps my skin cool.”

“Yeah, but you’re a fish,” Naruto said. “For me, this weather would only be good for sex. The air’s like lube.”

“Sex?” Kisame’s eyes narrowed. “How old are you, boy?”

Naruto frowned. “I’m twenty-two. Not a boy anymore—what’s it to you?”

“Just wondering—but I’m not just any old fish, for your information.” Kisame flashed his teeth, jaws snapping in a proud grin. Tiny triangles lined each tooth, teeth upon teeth. “I’m more of a shark.”

“. . . Wonder what it’d be like to have sex with a shark,” Naruto mused—out loud.

Kisame flicked his silver robes as though he were scoffing at such an uncouth remark.

“What?” Naruto asked.

“You’d get torn up. That’s what it’d be like.”

Naruto pondered on that. “So—does that mean you’ve never had sex with anyone? Or did you kill ’em in the process?”

Kisame’s grin melted. “I can only mate with my own kind, you imbecile. No human would survive my skin.”

“Your skin?”

Nodding his head, Kisame withdrew the sleeve on his arm and rubbed his flesh forwards and backwards; then he beckoned Naruto to give it a go, grinning as if this were some locker room competition to see who had the bigger cock. Strutting over, Naruto placed his palm on Kisame’s forearm. There were no hairs, and it felt slimy. Soft and rubbery—interesting texture. He slid his hand towards Kisame. Liquid-smooth. He dragged it back—and yelped.

“Hey, what the hell was that?!” he asked, twisting his hand over. Blood trickled from it.

“Teeth.”

“Teeth?”

“Yes.” Kisame nodded as a satisfied smirk crept across his lips. “I have no hair, except on my head.” He rubbed a hand through the wild mass of silvery hair sprouting from his crown. “Instead, my skin is made up of teeth. They’re small, but powerful. If you hadn’t jerked your hand back so fast, it would have felt more like sandpaper.”

After a pause, Naruto said, “No hair on your cock either? Sounds sexy.”

Kisame looked flustered. He flicked his robes again.

“Anyway, this ain’t no big deal,” Naruto continued, reaching into his jacket. He pulled out a plastic jar. Unscrewing the lid, he dipped his fingers into the medicine cream inside then circled his palms together. Opening his hands, the wounds were gone; a pink mixture of medicine cream and blood remained.

Kisame’s eyes narrowed. “What’s this?”

“It’s just something I’ve always been able to do,” Naruto said. “That medicine helps, but I’ve got a lotta chakra. Combine the two, and it’s like magic.”

“You have a lot of chakra? . . . Yes, I do remember that, but you probably don’t have as much as I do.” Kisame’s eyes darkened as if this were yet another competition between them, and judging by Naruto’s response—

“I bet I’ve got way more than you!”

—it was.
* * *

The two of them stood before a hidden gorge in the Cloud Village outskirts. A waterfall cascaded into a river below. It was a long drop, too; but for ninjas like these, it was nothing.

“So what’s your plan?” Naruto asked, peeking over the edge.

“Well, it would take far too long to do a traditional chakra competition—and those are boring anyway—so instead, we’re simply going to see who can swim to the end of this river—”

“Hey! That ain’t fair! You’re a fucking shark, you said so yourself!”

“There’s more,” Kisame said, teeth grinding audibly. “After you reach the end of the gorge, you’ll come back here again.” He pointed at the waterfall below them. “Then whoever gets up this mountain first—wins.”

Naruto understood the directions just fine, but he wasn’t sure how this would prove who had the bigger chakra-penis. “You’re still gonna have the advantage,” he said. “You’ll get way ahead of me with the swimming bit, and I ain’t even all that fast to begin with.”

“Then I’ll give you a head-start,” Kisame said, the corner of his mouth rising. “One minute.”

“Screw that,” Naruto said. “The only way to tell who’s got more chakra is to see who lasts longer at something—and no one lasts longer than me. No one.”

“You’re afraid you’re going to lose, aren’t you?”

“Hell, no! You’re going down, but—I still say this ain’t gonna decide who’s got more chakra!”

“Then what do you suggest we do?”

There was a pause, water crashing into the river below, insects buzzing in the breeze.

“All right, let’s try your idea then.”

Kisame looked pleased. “All right, then. Since I’m giving you a head start, I’ll count off sixty seconds as soon as you hit the water—go.”

* * *

Wringing wet and lying on his back, Naruto felt like a loser for the first time in awhile. He also felt a little giddy. Probably just from all that running. He was clad only in his briefs, for he’d stripped at the start of the race in order to swim faster. The underwear clung to his skin, revealing everything to anyone who bothered to look. If you took a gander at his ass, you’d see that it was nice and firm, sculpted in two perfectly pert mounds. If you lollygagged at his frontal areas, you’d see that he had a large package. Yes, that’s right, Sai. I do have a penis, and I’m not afraid to use it.

But none of that mattered right now. Kisame towered above him, fully-clothed and staring down at him with a smile. The Mizukage had beaten him by such a wide margin it was insane. How did he move so fast in those robes underwater? They were soaked; that should have slowed him down!

“Dammit, this don’t mean nothing!”

“Oh, really?”

Naruto growled, his lower lip sticking out in his usual spoiled brat manner. “Yeah! I’m telling you this stupid race don’t prove a damn thing—”

“THEN WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST WE DO?!”

Naruto trembled, and the first thing that came to mind popped out: “Have sex till one of us passes out. That’ll decide it.”

“SEX?!” Kisame bellowed. “WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A GENIN?!”

“Uhh—chuunin, actually.” Naruto let his mind wander. “Let’s see . . . ’cause I’m hot?” He scratched his butt, looking for words that would be a little more enticing. “And ’cause you’ve never even had sex before, have you?”

Kisame’s brow stood tall. “What makes you think that?”

“That skin of yours and how big a deal you make about it.”

Kisame looked serious. “Well, I assure you—not that it’s any of your business—that I’ve mated with my own kind before . . . but I’ve definitely never mated with someone outside my clan; and I’ve certainly never mated with a male.”

“Well, shit.”

“Disappointed?”

“Yeah,” Naruto said, smirking. “I was finally gonna prove who had more stamina: ME!”

Kisame sneered, flicking his robes. “You want to try again? We’ll just keep racing until one of us passes out. Of course, that would be you.”

“No, I don’t wanna try that stupid race again.”

“That’s because you’ll lose, and you know it.”

This was half the truth. Naruto might win in the long run, but he’d have to lose a lot first. It was bothersome when all he needed/wanted to prove himself was a nice, long night of hot sex—er, maybe slimy sex would be a better descriptor; so he approached the matter in a proper ninja-like manner that involved intense stealth, evasive questioning, and tedious subtlety: “You got water in your ears, you dumb bastard?! I wanna fuck!”

“Dammit, boy,” Kisame said. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”

“I’ll let you fuck me in the ass,” Naruto said, whirling around and yanking his underwear off.

“You’re sick,” Kisame said, jaw agape and sounding quite disturbed for a Mizukage. “I have no interest in doing that.”

“Oh! Then maybe you’d like me to fuck you in your ass,” Naruto said, wondering just how in the world he’d pull that one off without getting shredded like lettuce upon penetration.

Kisame’s brow split. “You disgust me.”

Naruto kicked off his underwear and rushed at Kisame, wrapping his arms around the abruptly timid man. Apparently, when sharks blush, they turn an interesting shade of silver, and thanks to those robes, Naruto did not encounter any shark scales in his humping session.

“Get off me!” Kisame yelled. He shoved the boy away, sending him straight off the edge of the cliff. Naruto dropped like a stone.

“SHIT! DAMMIT, BOY!” Kisame hollered, eyes glued on Naruto; the boy crashed into the river.

Great, I’ve killed him, Kisame thought. This is all I need. A vacation trip turning into an international incident. MIZUKAGE KILLS INNOCENT GENIN. I can see it now. Headlines. Front page. Everything. Stupid boy got intoxicated on the air around here. That’s not my fault.

Growling, he leaped off the cliff into the waters below. Peering through the mist that wisped across his face, he could see Naruto already doing the dreaded Dead Man’s Float, and he could just make out those buttocks bobbing upon the surface. Disgusted, he shook his head and smashed into the water. After the froth and foam cleared, he darted through the river and came up beside Naruto. With an underwater grunt, he gripped the boy by the hair then propelled for the riverbank. Dragging him out of the water and onto the sand, Kisame scanned him over, searching for vital signs. Naruto wasn’t breathing.

“Fuck,” Kisame mumbled, discarding his etiquette. Breathing oxygen into someone would normally be out of the question. His teeth would probably cause more harm than good—but if the boy was going to live, someone had to do it. Plugging Naruto’s nose, he bent down and blew some air into that annoying mouth.

No reaction.

He tried again—still nothing.

Sweating, he tried once more.

Nothing! One more time!

Then suddenly, it happened—

Naruto whipped his hands around Kisame’s neck, grappling him into a kiss and sucking as hard as he could, careful not to get his own tongue chomped off in the process—Kisame tasted like fish! Salmon, halibut, and anchovies.

“GAAAAARGH!!” Kisame roared, completely flabbergasted and bamboozled and many other big, funny-sounding words. He scraped Naruto’s hands aside and scrambled away, a scowl storming across his angry face. A face of doom.

“Are you gonna eat me now?” Naruto asked.

Snarling, Kisame raced to the river and plunged his face inside. Gulping and spitting sounds—the mouthwash of a lifetime. Water sizzled, rising off his robes in vapors. Coughing and sputtering, he lifted his head from the river, throat aquatically rumbling as he twisted around to face Naruto with a supremely-ticked glower, eyes bulging, razors glaring. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR GAMES!”

“Of course you have!” Naruto said, smiling. “That’s why you’re still standing there, staring at my ass!”

“WHAT?!”

“You’ve been looking me over ever since I got down to my underwear,” Naruto explained. He stood up and clapped his rear. “Don’t try and deny it!”

Kisame opened his mouth to say something and closed it shut. Then he opened it again. And closed it once more. Open. Close. Open. Close.

“Now you really look like a fish,” Naruto said, crossing his arms. “Anyway, I already told you. Sex is the easiest way to see who’s got more chakra—”

“SHUT UP, DAMN YOU!”

Naruto advanced, intent in his eyes, “—and I can tell you want it—”

“THAT’S IT!”

“—so now, I just wanna know one thing: do you want top—”

Kisame spun around, ignoring Naruto’s offer.

“—or bottom? . . . Hey, wait a minute, where you going?”

The Mizukage was already marching up the mountain, returning to the Cloud Village. Each footstep sent crags tumbling down, crashing into the waters below. That boy was full of shit, thinking Kisame had ever taken so much as an accidental glance at that rear. Blame the damn alcoholic air. Combine that with a slutty man-whore, and you’ve got a problem. Ah, a good platter of steaming salmon, some popcorn shrimp on the side with that marinara sauce he liked, and a couple of fish heads would do the trick to calm his nerves. If he stayed out here any longer, this boy was going to be dead. Deader than chum. That sounded good, too.

“I said where you going?! COME BACK HERE!”

Almost gone, Kisame sensed an immense heat radiating from behind—an unnatural source of chakra. Fiery hot. Blazing. And full of energy. It felt red. Orange and red. He knew exactly what that was, and that could be a problem for the Cloud Village. Not a problem for a Mizukage though, and certainly not a problem for Hoshigaki Kisame. Lifting his hand in a seal, he chanted as a calm, fluidic aura surrounded him. His blade, Samehada, arrived in his hand a split-second later. He spun around.

Naruto was crouched on his hands and feet like a beast, that demonic chakra crackling off him. Alas, it was not a problem, though. Not in the slightest.

Kisame lurched forward, zooming down the mountain, granite clouds trailing behind as he slammed into the ground, quaking the valley in his tranquil fury.

Naruto growled, but did not advance. Instead, he looked alert, ready to attack, a tail of boiling chakra whipping about behind him. Droplets of liquid-fire sizzled into the dirt below.

Kisame wasted no time—the bandages that clothed his blade stripped in spirals, drifting to the ground, revealing the blunt edge beneath. It looked like a 2x4 composed of coarse indigo hair. Shark scales. Samehada could shave the chakra off another ninja, and Naruto’s flaming jelly looked appetizing to say the least. Darting forward, Kisame slashed at that scrumptious aura, but the boy dodged, unscathed. His speed had increased, so Kisame feinted to the right with a water clone then sped to the left; as the clone distracted Naruto, Kisame attacked him from behind, hacking off the tail in a slush of blazing ooze. Liquid-fire dripped from his blade, and his lips curled into a sneer.

But another tail sprouted.

Kisame swung again, absorbing the chakra, gaining more power, but another tail grew in the felled one’s place. His water clone evaporated in the chakra’s heat, and Naruto spun around, eyes blazing. “I’ve got nine lives plus my own chakra,” he yelled. “There’s no way you’ve got more than me!”

Kisame set his blade across his shoulder. “Give it up, boy. I already told you I’m sick of this.”

“I’ll prove it to you!”

Naruto crawled towards him in an obvious attempt at seduction, one hand placed in front of the other, his back arched as that tail wisped about.

“How are you going to prove it?” Kisame asked, flicking his robes. “Don’t offer that idiotic sex idea again!”

“Well, if I can’t get you to have sex with me willingly. . . .”

Without a moment’s thought, Kisame drew his blade, ready to parry as the boy stood up and formed his hands in a cross-seal, yelling, “SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!”

Smoke exploded forth.

And suddenly, Naruto was everywhere. Shadow clones. Some hung on trees lining the valley. Others peeked from behind rocks with intent eyes. Most stood in plain sight, arms crossed. All were naked. Naruto himself was easy enough to spot though. He alone dripped with fiery chakra. He alone had a tail.

After a brief pause, the shadow clones started raping each other.

One performed fellatio on five other clones as though he were smoking a bundle of cigars. Two went at it doggy-style, pitcher slapping the ass of the catcher. Two more 69’d it, both letting out stifled moans—stifled by the stiff hunks of wood in their mouths, an orgy of shadow clones.

“HEY, YOU MORONS!” Naruto pointed at Kisame. “GET HIM!”

“Mmm, I’m busy, right now. Got a cock in my mouth here,” a shadow clone said in a muffled voice. “Mmm—make that five cocks.”

Most of the other shadow clones agreed with noises like “GRARARH” and “ERERELGH”; however, Naruto chastised them with threats of canceling the technique altogether, and with that, they edged towards Kisame, some still attempting to pleasure themselves while advancing: fondling each other; stroking oneself; the works. Kisame dashed at Naruto, hacking his way through the hundreds of hands grabbing at his garments, closing in on the boy bit by bit, swinging his blade to and fro.

And then he felt a breeze. He stopped and gazed down. He was standing there, Full Monty, legs spread wide apart, his cornflower-blue cock pointing straight up at the sky for all the shadow clones to see, hard.

“Oh, you’ve got a big one!” Naruto said. “I wonder if you’ve really got any experience like you say you do . . . other than that clammy hand of yours.”

The Mizukage glared, skin flushing silver.

Naruto licked his lips, eyes devouring the white flesh of Kisame’s smoothly-carved abs and pectorals. Silky with water. Now to just catch a glimpse of that glistening ass.

Kisame lunged, jaws snapping and chomping, but shadow clones tackled him to the ground, some still grappling his feet from below. They tried to hump him in the process, but vanished in a puff of smoke; those shark scales protected him like a suit of armor. Naruto ordered the shadow clones to hold Kisame down rather than rape him. After seeing their brethren vanish in the act, they followed his command. Then he told them to get rid of that blade, but all Kisame had to do to get it back was call for it; so, fresh out of ideas, Naruto strolled behind the pile of shadow clones to stare at Kisame’s navy butt twitching about, legs widespread, package in clear view from behind.

Water glazed his ass. It looked incredibly smooth, free of shark scales and hair, begging to be explored; a tight, silvery hole of puckered flesh beckoned Naruto. Jaw dropping, tongue hanging out of his head, he was about to give that butt a squeeze when a shadow clone dove onto it first.

“GAAAAARGH!” Kisame roared.

Unperturbed, Naruto lifted his hand, canceling the shadow clone. In an instant, he felt what it had felt: Kisame’s ass; sliding his fingers into that slippery crevice; hard and deep. It was wet. Wetter than most asses he’d come across in his time. Nice textures. Not at all like sticking his finger into a grinder as he’d expected. It felt like lubrication drenched Kisame’s inner walls. Too good to be true. Naruto raced for that prized entrance before any of his stupid clones could have a taste, but Kisame’s blade finally came zooming back, slicing through shadow clones, most of which were in the middle of climaxing.

The Mizukage grasped the blade and flung all the rapists off him in a cloud of smoke. He rose, muscles flexing in his shoulders and calves, blade perched upon his shoulder, ass gleaming in the sun.

But Naruto was unaware of all this. His body buzzed, sensations of sex crashing into him. He moaned and writhed on the ground as the experiences of his felled shadow clones came warping back to him—and quite a few shadow clones were still having sex in the background. He had more to look forward to as he lay upon the ground, twisting about, spazzing in pleasure, staring at Kisame’s backside, mental fingers already groping that tight, perfectly-round ass—dreamy.

And then Kisame spun around with a face so angry, so enraged, so wrathful, it revolved all the way around the emotional spectrum and came out looking nice instead.

“YOU!” he said, stomping forward, Samehada perched on his shoulder. “YOU!”

His footsteps jolted the earth as he marched over to Naruto, eyes twitching, package flailing—and still quite hard. Suddenly, Naruto saw one Kisame, two Kisame, three Kisame, four; the Mizukage had summoned water clones, each one a statue of crystal jelly.

Kisame pointed his blade at Naruto. “I’LL SHOW YOU HOW TO PROPERLY RAPE SOMEONE!”

The Mizukage flicked his robes, and a water clone advanced, its crystalline abs sparkling as it raced towards Naruto. It slid to a halt, towering above him, hands on its hips, its diamond cock jutting towards the heavens—and Naruto’s mouth. He’d already gotten on his knees and was grinning devilishly. He clasped the thing in his hand and started sucking on it, licking it, bobbing up and down on it, thrusting it in his mouth, swirling his tongue all over the liquid-flesh. It was hot jelly in his throat, like downing a cup of noodles. Tasted like pure hydro, too. He fondled the erection, massaging the crystal balls beneath, and he heard more footsteps swiftly approaching him from behind. Suddenly, a warm pressure dug into his underside, swabbing up and down the alley, traveling from the cleft of his ass to the back of his package. This pressure, it felt thin, slithering about his crevice to and fro, and that thinness drove him wild, almost tickling him as it brushed across his ass, orgasmic tinglings sliding along his entrance, building his zeal. He glanced down between his legs. Silver hair was pumping back and forth beneath him.

So that’s a tongue, Naruto thought. Nice. This bastard has had some sex in his time after all.

He clutched the water clone’s supple ass, dragging that cock in farther—and more wet footsteps approached.

Ain’t no more holes left, buddy, he thought, almost swallowing both cock and tongue with his body.

But then a splash of crystal foam enveloped him, lifting him off his feet, tearing the tongue from his ass, ripping the cock out his mouth. He blinked and looked around. It was hot, this water he was in, and it was irritating his eyes. Looking up and down, glancing from side to side, he figured out what was going on. He was floating inside a clear blob, and he could see two water clones standing on either side, holding it up in the air, their arms whipping about in bundles of tentacles. He clawed for the top of the thing, poked his head out, and caught a breath of air. This strange soup he was in, was this the third water clone? Bizarre, whatever it was. Now what?

All of a sudden, tentacles were entering him in waves, sliding into his gut. He started thrashing about, flailing as they searched his insides, filling him entirely.

He clutched his stomach. It felt heavy and bloated, yet those aqua-fingers thoroughly stimulated his entrance, pulsating and stretching it apart as he rolled and tumbled in the grip of the water clones. He could see Kisame, a blur through the glassy water, standing with his arms crossed and sneering as the water clones lashed Naruto’s attention back to them. They started stroking him inside and out, wrapping about his excitement, pumping up and down his shaft. He felt both pain and pleasure crescendoing in his stomach, roaring through his loins—but before he could climax, something hot exploded within him, and he fell to the ground, drenched in water, panting, his entrance still tingling with desire as the water clones splashed to the sand.

Still caught up in the sex, mind whirling with desire, erection lusting for release, he stood there on his hands and knees, water dripping from his body to the ground below—then the breeze brought him back to reality. He started trembling in its chill, hugging himself as his stomach began to gurgle, swollen with all that water.

He looked over at Kisame.

The Mizukage had his arms crossed and was smiling triumphantly.

Naruto stood up, rubbing his abs. Water drained from his gut, puddling up behind him.

Kisame chuckled—a little sinisterly.

“What?” Naruto asked, stroking his stomach.

“Looks like I win our little chakra competition,” Kisame said. “And I’m just getting started.”

Naruto suddenly grinned. “Now you’re talking!” He spun around and shoved his ass up in the air. “Fuck me hard!”

Something wet tackled him to the ground—and did just that.

* * *

It was already three days later, and Naruto’s butt was still sore. He’d obviously been fucked a few times in the past, but that was brutal. As a result, he was probably about 98% in love with Kisame.

Now they both stood facing the one-way ticket out of the Cloud Village: a river. It was time to return to reality, to go home; and a bit of a one-sided tension cloud hung in the air, boiling primarily around Kisame. Anyone could sense it. Why, if you walked by, you could cleave right into it with a kunai.

Kisame coughed and lifted his hand in a seal. “Let me lend you a water clone,” he said. “It can travel all the way to the Leaf Village with you, and it will shorten your trip.”

“Why’re you acting all nice all of a sudden?” Naruto asked. “Trying to make up for raping me?”

Kisame put his hand on Samehada.

“Sheesh, I’m just kidding, Kisame.” Naruto lifted his hand in a cross-seal. “Shadow Clone jutsu.” After the smoke cleared, his summoned clone transformed into Kisame. “I’ve got you numbered, anyway. You just wanna get your hands on my ass a little more. Not that I’d be complaining.”

Kisame scoffed, his grip on his blade loosening as his voice dipped down to a watery whisper: “I didn’t even touch you. It was all my clones.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Naruto clapped his rear. “You fucking loved it.”

Kisame growled.

“Gotta give you some credit, too, for coming up with a new way to fuck and all,” Naruto said. “Man, all those water clones . . . so smooth and wet and—”

“All right, all right—keep it down, will you?”

Naruto smirked. “Sure.”

Kisame sighed, eyes shifting about.

“Anyway, you’d better start saving up your chakra for next time,” Naruto said. “’Cause the war sure as hell ain’t over yet. I’m still gonna prove I’ve got more chakra than you, and we’ll have a real fight next time, now that you’re outta the closet. A fair fight. No rules. No trying to play fair.”

“What, you still think that you can defeat me?”

“You catch on quick.”

“Ha!” Kisame flicked his robes. “You? A mere genin?”

“Dammit, I’m a CHUUNIN! you idiot!”

“You’ll never beat me, you idiot.”

“Actually, you’ve got it all wrong,” Naruto said. “I don’t really give a damn about fighting you again.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?”

That was Naruto’s cue.

“Next time, let’s just fuck!”

“SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!”

Naruto dove into the river with a grin, riding home upon his shark’s fin.