Bidet Jutsu

NOTES: Obviously, Kisame's good in this, hence an AU. Also, I described the Mist Village in my own way.

* * *

Kiba swayed back and forth in the boat, gazing around at the vast lagoon. This was the Mist Village? Where was all the carnage his teachers had always warned him about? Much less the bloody mist? As far as he could tell, the mist surrounding this place was just like any other old mist: foggy and white-ish. Exotic birds were cheerfully chirping amongst the tropical forest of palm trees that lined the lagoon, oddly contrasting the dense wall of mist enveloping the village, and he could hear natives laughing as they made their purchases in the marketplace and chattered about this and that; that and this.

“Place sure has changed since we were little,” Naruto said, bending over the side of the boat. “Hasn’t it?”

Kiba glanced at his partner. “How would you know? You’ve never been here before either.”

Naruto shrugged, wiggling his butt around as he leaned over to touch the water below. Straw and vine-woven huts were floating around on giant rafts all throughout the lagoon, and Kiba could hear splashes as Mist children happily hopped into the water over and over again.

“Here,” their female guide said, chucking an odd contraption at both of them. “These’re gasmasks. Most of the village is underwater, so you’ll need ’em to get around. They’ve got special chakra devices in ’em, too, to absorb the pressure underwater. Couldn’t swim down much more than ten feet without ’em.”

“Right,” Kiba said, sliding the thing on. He took a drag on the crisp rubber scent with a pleased grin. “Wonder if these’d work for Akamaru. . . .”

“Your dog?” the woman asked. “Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine back at the gate house. Your friend’s a guest of honor, after all.” She glanced over at Naruto, scanning him curiously. “Apparently, the Sixth is pleased to have him over for business and trade relations.”

“Yeah, Kisame and I are cool,” Naruto said. “And don’t worry about Akamaru, Kiba. They’re not gonna turn him into a hot dog while you’re gone. They like fish here.”

Kiba stifled a gasp. “Shut up, Naruto! That’s not funny at all!”

“I thought it had hilarious written all over it.”

Kiba growled and shoved Naruto’s ass overboard. The guy gave a yelp, followed by a crash of water. Kiba grinned and leaned over the edge, but ended up ignoring his flailing partner altogether. For the first time, he caught sight of the incredible Mist Village submerged beneath these crystalline waters. He could see thick wooden trunks linking all those floating rafts to the lagoon’s sandy floor. Circular doors dotted them like the keys of a flute. Natives were swimming around like dolphins, entering and exiting these aquatic structures, swirling around the underwater architecture.

Something floppy slapped against his butt from behind. He turned back around.

“You’ll need this, too,” the woman said. “So you can swim a little faster.”

He glanced down at his feet and saw a pair of black boots. He squatted down on the boat’s bench then slipped them on. They fit snugly over his battle sandals.

“Just focus your chakra to your feet and they’ll turn into flippers.”

As Naruto climbed over the edge of the boat, tilting it to one side then spilling upon the wooden floor in a black-orange pile, Kiba started channeling chakra to his feet. Sure enough, the toes of the boots sprouted out webs of rubber flesh.

“Hey, these’re pretty neat,” he said, wiggling his toes. “Hurry up and put yours on, idiot. I wanna go swimming already.”

Naruto grumbled something about wet dog stink, but did as he was told nonetheless; and while he was doing that, the boat neared the middle of the lagoon, now far past the invisible chakra nets which held out all the hostile sea-life constantly patrolling the mouth of the lagoon. Good thing Kiba’d pushed Naruto after they’d already passed the danger zone; otherwise, his lover might’ve been shark food by now.

“Can’t make out with these stupid things on,” Naruto said, his voice muffled now. “Dammit.”

Kiba stood up, walked over to Naruto, and groped his ass. “We can still do this.”

“Mmm, yeah.” Naruto started fondling right back, massaging and kneading Kiba’s ass as he came in close for a kiss—and ended up clanging the snout-thing of his gasmask against Kiba’s.

“Ow—you dumb shit!”

“Sorry, heh.” Naruto clasped Kiba’s hungry hand in his own. “Let’s go already.”

“Er—the Mizukage’s tower’s in the middle of the lagoon, lovebirds,” the guide said. “Just FYI.”

Kiba and Naruto nodded at her then cannonballed into the water.

* * *

After exploring the depths of the Mist Village, they’d reached the Mizukage’s tower. It was cone-shaped, upside-down, and underwater. You had to enter it at the top, pass through a bizarre chakra shield that held out the water, and leave your flippers and gasmasks at the door. Not to mention all your ninja tools and clothes—but that was okay, mainly because they provided a wetsuit in return. A pleasurably skintight wetsuit. A deliciously sexy wetsuit. Sleek. Black. Rubber. Kiba was currently staring at Naruto’s ass in that thing, watching the fluorescents from above gleam off those two firm mounds of muscle as they shifted back and forth with each step.

“All right, Kiba,” Naruto said as they neared the Mizukage’s door. “Let me do the talking. He doesn’t know you.”

“And how do you know this guy anyway?”

“We crossed paths in the Cloud Village, that’s all.”

“That’s all?”

“Yeah, pretty much. All we did was hit it off over a nice bowl of seafood ramen.” Naruto’s voice quieted down to a whisper. “And we both fucking loved those bidets I was talking about.”

Kiba dug at the corner of his eye with his forefinger, brow folded. “So basically you shared a good shit with the Mizukage?”

Naruto grinned toothily. “Uh-huh.”

“Whatever, we’re only here on business, so let’s get this crap over with. Wanna fuck you in that wetsuit later. Wanna fuck you with it hanging just below your ass.”

“Then let’s buy a few for souvenirs on the way back home.”

“Great idea.”

Naruto smirked, spun around, flaunting his ass at Kiba as he knocked on the door.

“Yes, yes, what is it?” came a gargling, grumbling voice.

“Uzumaki Naruto and Inuzuka Kiba of the Leaf.”

Sir, Kiba mentally added. Naruto needed to learn some respect for his superiors, even if Kiba secretly respected no one—well, no one except maybe Akamaru. Just let these high and mighty types think you respected them, suck up a little, and poof, that’s how you got promoted.

A few more seconds of silence passed, then: “Ah, yes. Please enter.”

Naruto threw open the door, and Kiba instantly scanned the Mizukage’s room. There was a pool to the side with sandy banks and everything, including three shark fins lurking about the surface of the water, slowly carving through its aquamarine depths—but other than this little addition, the office was pretty similar to their Hokage’s.

The Mizukage was scribbling notes on various rolls of parchment. “Uzumaki Naruto,” he said. “How are you?”

Naruto stepped into the room. “Doing good, Kisame.”

“Still don’t recall my family name, do you?”

“What’re you working on?”

Kiba could hear the scribbles on the parchment turn to scratches.

“Paperwork, eh?” Naruto continued. “I’d be in a bad mood, too.”

Kisame glanced up for a second, then back at his work. “Who is this gentleman accompanying you again?”

Kiba made to answer, but Naruto butted in first: “Inuzuka Kiba.”

“Inuzuka Kiba,” the Mizukage repeated. “A comrade, I presume?”

“Not quite,” Kiba said, finally stepping into the room. “We’re—”

“Fuck buddies,” Naruto finished.

Kisame stopped his writing altogether, then looked up. “Come again?”

“He’s my fuck buddy.” Naruto clapped Kiba’s rear. “Right?”

Kiba shook his head. “Lovers, idiot. We’re lovers. Meaning we make love to each other . . . not just sex for the hell of it.”

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, that too.”

“So you’re here to discuss relations between the Leaf and the Mist Villages, correct?” Kisame asked. “Then let’s get down to business. I haven’t the time of day to deal with two males arguing the different styles of mating with one another.”

And so they did; and after a mere thirty minute discussion, they’d exchanged scrolls, signed treaties, and taken care of business just as the Mizukage’d ordered. Now that their assignment in the Mist Village was already complete they could do some exploring.

“Naruto,” Kisame said, already back to his work. “I believe you might be interested in checking out any local village lavatory in light of your recent trip to the Cloud Village.”

Naruto looked over at Kiba. “What the hell’s a lavatory?”

“He means the bathrooms.”

“Oh.” Naruto looked blank a second, then: “OHHH!”

Kisame chuckled aquatically. “Indeed.”

“You’ve got those fountain things in the toilets here?! The ones that shoot the water up your ass?!”

“Bidets, Naruto,” Kiba said. “You knew what they were called like half an hour ago.”

“He’s merely excited, I believe,” Kisame said, nodding. “They’re all over the village—however, there are some particularly special ones just down the hall from here that I think the two of you would rather enjoy.”

Naruto looked pleadingly at Kiba. “Come on! We gotta do it!”

Kiba smiled smugly, folding his arms. “Needed to take a piss anyway.”

“Hey, Kisame!” Naruto squeezed Kiba’s hand, fidgeting around. “You wanna join us?!”

“As you can see, I’m a trifle busy.” Kisame started slashing through his paperwork with a pen. “I’m afraid I’ll be unable to join you; however, take all the time you want in them. No one shall bother you, and you’re always welcome in the Mist Village, Naruto—and this Inuzuka fellow as well.”

“All right, no problem, Kisame!” Naruto made for the door, dragging Kiba along. “Let’s go!”

“I think you’re going to love them,” Kisame said. “I really do.”

Together, they raced down the hall until they came to a doorway leading into a bathroom with the generic blue stick-figure male sign. Naruto tore open the door, tossed Kiba inside, then slammed it shut behind him.

“Hey, they’ve even got locks!” he said as he clicked it shut.

Kiba glanced around the bathroom. There was a sink and two toilets, both without stalls. Convenient. The ceiling, walls, and floors were all composed of yellow ceramic tiles.

“Now what were you saying about fucking me in this wetsuit?” Naruto asked, his legs slowly spreading apart.

Kiba could see the back of Naruto’s package these wetsuits were so tight. He could see the curvature of those balls and the cleft of that pert ass as the guy’s smooth thighs continued to slowly part. Naruto slid his hands down his sides, undid the belt joining the bottom of the suit to the top, and began to seductively drag the pants down his hips, slipping them down only a few inches until he let them go with a snap. He started rubbing his ass cheeks with both hands, the taut rubber squeezing them up into two deliciously fat curves.

Kiba couldn’t stand it much longer. He squeezed a glob of soap from the nearby dispenser, rushed across the room, unbuckling his wetsuit pants and lathering himself along the way, then took Naruto’s waist in his grip. He breathed in the clean rubber scent of the wetsuit, lightly dragging his nose up Naruto’s back then burrowing into the nape of the guy’s neck, panting with control as he nibbled into the tanned skin.

“Fucking love fucking you,” he said, two soapy fingers loosening Naruto’s entrance. “Hope soap doesn’t bother you too much—it’s all they got. . . .”

“Mmm . . . just do it already. . . .”

Kiba grinned and set his cock up in the heat of Naruto’s ass, now holding the guy’s shoulders as he slid inside.

“Ah, fuck,” Naruto said, the walls of his ass clenching around Kiba’s cock. “That kinda burns . . . couldn’t you of used some real lube?”

“Sorry.” Kiba dug into him a little more, savoring that fiery ring squeezing around on his cock. “Your ass is all stretched out like bubblegum anyway. We don’t even need lube.”

“Shit.” Naruto lifted his butt some, settling back into Kiba’s pelvis. “Yes we do, cocksucker—you’re gonna have to fuck me with some of Hinata’s medicine cream after this. It fucking burns!”

Kiba replied with a playful thrust, earning a groan and equally-playful thrust in reply. He lodged himself in farther and felt Naruto’s inner muscles spilling upon his cock, their intense warmth piling up around him, squeezing his shaft in their wet grip as he began to pump in and out; out and in; his hands traveling up and down the slick materials of Naruto’s wetsuit, groping those pectorals, sliding his hands down to his waist and holding him there, pulling him back along the length of his cock. He felt Naruto suddenly tense up—that ass swallowing his hungry erection—a little bit harsher than usual.

“Hey, w-wait a minute,” Naruto said.

“Mmm, what is it?”

“Didn’t Kisame just say these bidets were ‘special’?”

“. . . So?”

“So what if they do something perverted?” Naruto moaned as Kiba hit him with another smooth thrust. “Ahh—I, I mean, I don’t wanna be all spent if something like that’s gonna happen in a minute.”

“But you’re the one who just offered up your ass to me . . . why the hell’re you giving me blue balls all of a sudden?”

“Dammit, Kiba, I just don’t wanna be—ahh—unable to enjoy it in a minute. . . .”

Kiba paused, gave one more powerful thrust, then: “All right, you whiny bastard.” He pulled out, slipped the pants of his wetsuit back up. “You’ve got a point, I guess, since those control freaks took all my soldier pills and Hinata’s medicine cream—as if that were some kinda threat. Morons.”

Naruto turned around, looking slightly concerned. “Hey, if these toilets don’t do anything worthwhile, I’ll let you fuck me just like we were about to, all right?”

“I’m still gonna fuck you like we were about to, whether you want me to or not—and damn, I fucking love wetsuits now.”

Naruto laughed, then strolled over to the toilet. “Well let’s hurry up and try these things out so we can get back to the fucking. I promise they’re awesome, even if they don’t do anything weird.”

Kiba watched Naruto slide out of the rest of his suit, leaving only the top half on.

“How do you use ’em anyway?”

“Like this,” Naruto said, demonstrating. He gave a groan and scrunched up his face—

“Ah, fuck, Naruto!” Kiba grabbed his nose. “I know how to use a toilet, you idiot! You don’t gotta do that in front of me!”

Naruto just grinned at him, his thighs spreading apart as he continued to push. “Gotta get rid of all that soap you just shoved up my ass, stupid. It hurts.” He grabbed for some toilet paper, then: “Oh, sorry—outta habit.”

Kiba rolled his eyes at him, still plugging his nose just in case something other than soap came out.

“All you gotta do is push a button around here somewhere to clean your ass off.” Naruto shuffled around on the toilet, looking from side to side. “Here it is.” He pressed it with his thumb then stared down between his legs. First there was a flush—“A courtesy flush,” he said—then Kiba heard an electronic whirring sound followed by the aquatic ambience of water fountaining beneath Naruto.

“Mmm—yeah,” Naruto said, both hands on his ass, pulling himself apart. “Feels good getting rid of all that soap. For serious. What the hell were you thinking about?”

“Well at least you’re all squeaky clean now,” Kiba said, frowning and feeling his suit uncomfortably tighten around his crotch again as he watched his lover pleasuring himself on the toilet. Naruto started sliding back and forth, circling his butt around on the seat.

“Wanna try it?” He patted the toilet sitting next to him. “Come take a seat right here.”

Kiba pulled off all his clothes and did so. Still needed to piss, even after that half-fuck, so he released his bladder into the commode then scanned the bidet controls up and down. There were three buttons, each fairly clear what they did—except one.

“What’s this button do?” he asked, pointing.

Naruto squinted at it. “Don’t know.”

“Bet it’s that ‘special’ one. . . .”

“Do it,” Naruto said, grinning.

So Kiba pressed it.

Immediately, there was a loud clang, followed by the buzz and whir of mechanical devices. Kiba felt something cold clasp around his ankles, pulling them back to the throat of the toilet. He made to stand up, but his wrists were soon bound by more cold rings, yanking him back down into a sitting position on the toilet, tying his hands back around the long ceramic stem sprouting from behind the commode.

He glanced over at Naruto, also caught in the same contraption. “What the hell’s this?”

“It’s a trap!” Naruto sounded serious—and then he chuckled. “Nah, Kisame just loves bondage. He told me so. I’m actually not surprised at all . . . so hang onto your butt Kiba, ’cause who knows what’s gonna happen next!”

Kiba was about to question what led to Naruto bonding on such a personal level with an uptight (judging from the previous meeting they’d shared) Mizukage like Kisame—however, he felt something warm and slimy slide up along his inner thighs. It caught his attention instantly, and he stared at it, relaxing a tad in light of Naruto’s casualness over this ordeal so far. The thing looked like a snake made out of water as it slid up and stared right back at him. It was clear as crystal and had no features other than the usual shimmering ripples of water flowing along its aqua-flesh—but Kiba could swear the thing was licking its serpentine lips just before it dove onto his erection.

“Ah, fuck!” he said, straining to pump into that jelly mouth. “What the hell is this?!”

Naruto was moaning to his left, and Kiba caught a glimpse of his lover sucking down a thick tentacle of hydro, no longer wearing the top half of his wetsuit, those whisker-streaked cheeks of his flushing a hot red in the steam.

Then he felt something teasing around the cleft of his ass. It was smooth and wet, warm just like this snake-head currently blowing his cock like a champion. He could feel fleshy fingers groping his ass cheeks, and he heard another electronic whir buzzing beneath him as his feet began to slowly slide along the floor, those cold, unseen shackles below dragging his legs apart, opening his ass up a little more for acceptance. He lurched forward as far as he could, catching glimpses of those water-fingers massaging his alley up and down until his legs were spread wide—then he felt something fold out under his soles with a click and a hiss, another cold metallic surface. Each platform lifted his feet slowly off the ground, forcing him into an erotic squatting position upon the commode, opening up his entrance even wider. The sensation of that hand groping his butt grew far more intense as his tight hole stretched open just a little, ready to take whatever punishment was coming.

“Ah—ahhhh,” he moaned, struggling about in the iron grip of this monster bidet. “Hurry up and fuck me if you’re gonna fuck me . . . dammit. . . .”

A bundle of tentacles sprouted up from between his legs, whipping about, their heat splashing upon him, fogging up the room in steam, each and every one of them pointing their snake-like heads at him. A few infinite seconds passed by, Kiba craving their touch so much he could hardly bear it, then one of them suddenly darted forward and plunged down his throat, molding into the familiar shape of a massive erection on his tongue as it started digging around his cheeks, oddly tasting like some sort of seafood ramen. Delicious, really. Kiba closed his eyes and sucked on it, swallowing the flavors in great big gulps, only to be force-fed more, catching a quick breath every chance he got.

Another two tentacles morphed into hands then shot forward, grasping him in all the right places, the metal rings around his wrists jerking his hands up over his head as those hands slithered around each and every crevice and curvature of his body, feeling him thoroughly, tickling him in some spots even, occasionally flickering into ravenous mouths to bite into his nipples and earlobes.

“Mmm. . . .”

His cock roared in suspense, anxious for that final act that would seal the deal for him.

And that’s when it happened. The last tentacle dove between his legs then ripped into his asshole, flooding up his rectum in no time, stretching his butt apart as he felt a burning warmth flow into him then harden into a solid shaft, already pumping in and out of him, striking his inner walls continuously, both painfully and pleasurably. He stared up at the ceiling, moaning through a mouthful of flavorful tentacles as they all felt him, bit him, licked him, sucked him, fucked him.

Now he loved something else next to wetsuits. Tentacles. Especially of the raping persuasion.