Best Laid Plans

A/N: My stories aren't plot-driven enough to make it "necessary" to read them in order, but they'll definitely make more sense if you've been reading them all. Of course, making sense isn't the number one item of importance when reading ninja porn. Just putting it out there...

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Iruka had planned to wait until Kakashi fell asleep and then slip out, but that proved unnecessary. Kakashi didn't even wait a full ten minutes before pulling his clothes back on and murmuring excuses about where he had to be and why he couldn't stay.

Staring at the ceiling, still struggling to catch his breath after their lovema... no... after their fucking, Iruka literally bit his tongue to keep from making a snide comment about Genma and Raidou, and plans that had been made by eye contact when Iruka was standing no less than four feet away.

He ran through his options again as Kakashi dug around the floor for his shirt.

Break it off? He bit his tongue a little bit harder and was grateful for the flash of distracting pain. Unfortunately, breaking it off was not an option. Not at this point, as much as he wished he could.

Have a scene and insist Kakashi only be involved with... He couldn't even finish the thought, and would have laughed out loud if it weren't so painful. Kakashi was Kakashi, and had never pretended to be anything that he wasn't.

Keep putting up with Kakashi's increasingly frequent playtimes with other men? Not an option. Not...An...Option.

That left him with his plan.

He pretended to be drifting into sleep as Kakashi bent over him, pressing a kiss through the thin fabric of his mask. He listened for the sound of receding footsteps and the soft click of the shutting door.

He waited exactly five minutes, then carefully slid out of bed and re-dressed. He grabbed his already packed bag, and headed out the door himself.

Even though the bar he was headed for was in the opposite direction from Raidou's apartment, he kept an eye out for Kakashi. The whole point of staying at Ibiki's for awhile was that Kakashi would never think to look for him there.

He felt slightly ashamed when he thought of how distrustful he used to be of Ibiki. Lucky for Iruka, they happened to run into each other outside of the missions office last week and ended up having a great talk. Ibiki seemed so hurt by Iruka's typical Konoha opinion of him as cold and manipulative. Iruka couldn't believe he had misjudged such a kind man so badly.

He nodded at fellow chuunin, jounin he recognized from the missions office, and parents of academy students as he made his way to his meeting place with Ibiki. Usually he would have stopped to talk, but he wanted to keep his focus tonight. He couldn't believe he had finally come up with this plan, totally on his own. The plan to lay low at Ibiki's and gain some distance and perspective was so perfect. He couldn't remember exactly how he had thought of it, but for once he was finally taking an active step towards improving his gut wrenching relationship with Kakashi.

Iruka felt concerned for a moment when Ibiki wasn't outside as planned, but then he realized that he had arrived pretty early. He hesitated just outside the door. His preference would have been to wait outside, but an offhand remark of Kakashi's kept running through his mind. Through some odd coincidence Kakashi had just that afternoon mentioned how it was good that Iruka didn't hang out at seedy places where parents of academy students would see him and feel concerned. He wasn't sure he agreed with this comment, or that he completely understood what Kakashi had meant, but he couldn't shake the essence of that thought from his mind as he hovered outside the seedy bar. After a few uneasy minutes he took a deep breath and went inside.

Entering the bar, he felt a bit disoriented. He hadn't been spending much time socially with anybody besides Kakashi for awhile now. If you could call on-the-run fucks being social... He held his bag in front of him and started working his way through the crowd, nodding at people he knew and quickly moving past, searching for Ibiki.

As he neared the far wall he froze in place. He started to turn, but it was too late. Eye contact had been made. He had no choice but to acknowledge Izumo.

Izumo smiled, stepped forward, and offered Iruka one of the drinks in his hand. "I got this one for Ibiki, but I can't find him anywhere. Here... Take it... It's going to get warm."

"No, no thanks. Wait... You got that for Ibiki? I'm supposed to be meeting him here..."

Izumo continued holding the drink out to Iruka, looking confused. "Really? He made plans to meet me here, too. Weird. Well, let's grab a table and wait for him to come back from... wherever he went."

Without waiting for a response he started heading for a table, once again offering the drink to Iruka.

This time Iruka accepted, throwing back half of the horrid drink while he grudgingly followed his unwelcome companion.

Iruka barely acknowledged Izumo's polite small talk as they sat, crammed into a small table in the corner of the crowd, and quickly worked their way through a couple more rounds. Finally he stood, unsteadily reaching for his wallet.

"Oh, no.. Don't worry about it. Ibiki said he has some kind of running bill here and that he'd cover tonight, regardless of the expense." Izumo clumsily waved away the offered money and continued, "I have no idea why. I hardly know him, and before yesterday he gave me the serious creeps. I had no idea he was so kind, though. We got to talking about how Kotetsu was leaving on an overnight errand for the Hokage, and somehow I found myself inviting him out for drinks. It's so great that you could join us! Come on, 'Ruka. Sit..." He reached for Iruka's arm to pull him back into his chair.

Iruka snatched his arm away, stumbling backwards in his haste to get away. "Don't fucking touch me, Izumo. Don't even get near me." He righted himself by grabbing the edge of the table while Izumo blinked and looked back at him, eyes wide with confusion.

Iruka reached around under the table for his bag and continued, "Is that how Kakashi likes to be touched? Maybe he takes his mask off first. I bet he does. For you."

Izumo reached out for Iruka's arm again, this time closing his hand firmly around Iruka's wrist and holding him in place.

"I swear to you, Iruka. I've never touched Kakashi, and he's never touched me. Kotetsu either. We've seen a video tape of him, and once Kotetsu watched him and Gai... Well, it's kind of hard to explain. But I swear to you- Neither one of us has ever...um... slept with Kakashi. Ever. That's something Genma and Raidou keep separate from us.

"Yeah. Kakashi doesn't like 'sleeping' with anybody." Iruka grumbled, but he could see the honesty in Izumo's face and hear the genuine concern in his voice. He cautiously sat back down, put his bag back under the table, and started sipping from a new drink that had miraculously appeared.

A companionable silence stretched between the two of them as they both felt the awkward relief of narrowly avoided disaster. Occasionally they made eye contact and smiled friendly smiles as they worked their way though another round of drinks, yet again set down by a lightning fast server who seemed to have a psychic connection to their emptying glasses.

Iruka spent a minute or two thinking about what Izumo had said. At first he felt a flash of anger thinking about Genma and Raidou, but he was tired of feeling angry. He was in the mood to feel good. Ahhh, nice. More liquor. He sipped this new drink and let himself drift on to feeling slightly queasy confusion over what Kakashi and Gai could possibly have done with Kotetsu watching. Kakashi and Gai? He decided to file that away with the many other things about Kakashi that he really didn't want to know about.

He finished this latest drink and forced mental images of Kakashi and Gai out his mind by wondering about the video that Izumo had mentioned having seen Kakashi in. Kakashi had boxes full of videos, some out in the open and some tucked away. Iruka didn't like to think or know about the ones that even Kakashi considered "private."

As he and Izumo smiled, small-talked, and sipped their way though another short stretch of time he found his mind slipping back to one certain video. Not one starring Kakashi, but one that he had secretly made... One that Iruka himself had picked up and delivered to Kakashi, that fateful day that Uchiha Sasuke had left Konoha.

Ahhh... Good. More drinks. Iruka finished this one before Izumo had even picked his up from the table. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand again as he pushed complicated thoughts of Sasuke to the back of his mind.

He let thoughts of that particular video float to the front of his mind. He blushed slightly as he glanced over at Izumo, not seeing the man as he looked sitting across the table but seeing him naked with Kotetsu, on his back tied to the bed, on all fours with Genma...

Iruka wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and pressed a fresh, cool drink... where did that come from?... against the side of his neck for a moment. What rotten luck that Kakashi had decided to share the Izumo video with him last night of all nights. Figures. To make matters worse, through some fluke of timing, Iruka had reached his orgasm with Kakashi last night roughly at the same time Izumo had reached his taped orgasm with Genma.

Iruka looked up to find Izumo looking at him expectantly, as though he had just asked Iruka a question.

Taking a chance, he answered, "Mmm..." and quickly took a long drink. Ah, that worked all right. Izumo smiled at him, excused himself and walked off towards the men's room. Iruka willed down the growing arousal in his pants and tried not to ogle Izumo's backside too blatantly.

He wasn't like Kakashi. He may be guilty of the stray look or thought, but everyone did that sometimes.

Where was Ibiki? He must have agreed to have drinks with Izumo while waiting for Iruka, but apparently he had disappeared before the first round. Strange. Iruka finished the drink that seemed more delicious than strong at this point, and glanced up at the wall clock. This was right about the time they had tentatively agreed to meet.

He hadn't completely finished forming that thought before Izumo arrived back at the table from one direction, and Ibiki thumped down into a backwards chair on Iruka's other side.

Ibiki nodded quick hellos then explained, "Sorry... Anko was out back. We got to talking..."

The other men nodded their understanding of what a "talk" with Anko out back involved.

Iruka looked over at Ibiki and thought about how fitting it was that Anko... or anybody, really... had felt compelled to show this great man some affection. Iruka felt overcome with affectionate regard for his new friend. He just didn't tell Ibiki enough how much he valued their friendship. Hell.. Why not tell him now?

"Ibiki... I just want you to know that you are the best friend a guy could have. For real, man. The best." He looked from Ibiki's inscrutable face to Izumo's smiling one and amended, "Well, except for Izumo here, of course. Izumo, chuunin extraordinaire, filer of papers and maker of syrup fields, who has never in his lifetime fucked Kakashithole the copy nin."

He double checked Izumo's face for any trace of guilt or evidence that this information may be erroneous, but Izumo had such a friendly, laughing face that Iruka was convinced his great friend had been telling the truth. He reached for his latest frosty drink, then suddenly stopped as a terrible idea crowded into his brain. Seeing as how there were no secrets between himself and his wonderful friend Ibiki, Iruka decided to just go right ahead and clear up the nasty suspicion that had just occurred to him.

He looked directly into Ibiki's steely eyes and asked, "You've never fucked Kakashi, have you?"

Ibiki quickly threw back the shot he had been holding then answered, "Can't say that I have."

Iruka glanced at Izumo for a clue how to read that answer, but Izumo was distracted by the view of Shikaku Nara's backside as he walked unsteadily past their table.

Well... Close friends like Iruka and Ibiki could ask each other anything. Just to clarify, Iruka continued, "You can't say as in 'If I told you about my buttsex with Kakashi I'd have to kill you ANBU-style' or you can't say as in 'No, I've never fucked Kakashi'?"

Ibiki distributed the three shots the server had just delivered and answered, "I'm not into the cock. I've never fucked Kakashi, or any other man."

Iruka and Izumo exchanged wide smiles at this news. Iruka suspected Izumo's pleasure was caused by Ibiki having said "cock" and "fucked," but Iruka himself felt overwhelmed by what a kind, compassionate, caring.... Whoops! Half of that shot went down Iruka's chin... Anyways,Ibiki had to be the sweetest, gentlest, friendliest man Iruka had ever met.

Izumo set his empty shot glass down on the table, brushed a quick hand over his eyes in an attempt to settle his vision a bit, then took in Iruka's sappy-smiled, unsteady appearance. "Ummm, Iruka? Maybe I should walk you home..."

Iruka sat up straight and wiped at his his chin with his fingertips. "I don't want to go home. Kakashi could find me there. Find me. Fuck me. Leave me. I decided to stay at Ibiki's for awhile. It's my plan, that I planned." He smiled at Ibiki and felt warmed by the open, friendly smile he received in return. What great, great guy...

Izumo raised his eyebrows. "The plan that you planned?"

"Yes. I planned a plan where Kakashi can't stop by whenever he wants and put his dick in me. He can't fuck me if he can't find me. Going to Ibiki's." Iruka started fishing around under the table for his bag again.

Izumo reached under the table to nudge the bag closer to Iruka. He frowned a little as he thought through Iruka's plan. "But couldn't Kakashi just have Pakkun..."

Ibiki interrupted, "I know how to contain scents and chakra signatures. We should respect Iruka's decisions. It will be difficult to take him home in the state he's in, though..." He pushed back from his chair and stood up.

Izumo stood up a little too quickly and reached one arm out to steady himself on the table. "I'll walk you guys there. It's on my way."

Iruka picked up his bag and made it to his feet, fully feeling the effects of all those drinks.

Izumo gently took the bag from his hands and Ibiki firmly steered him through the crowd, pushing him through the door.

Izumo put one arm around staggering Iruka. The two of them stumbled a bit, laughing at some nonsense that seemed really hilarious at the time, and completely missed the subtle look and quick nod that Ibiki directed towards the treetops just before he walked around to support Iruka's other side for the walk home.

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anon food: Thank you so much for adding another review to Private Conversations. I had written a long, chatty response to your first review, but then removed it later. Apparently before you had a chance to read it! Oops... Thank you so much for writing your responses and comments in a constructive way, and for thinking underneath the underneath of what I write. ^___^

Sincerest thanks to anyone else who ever has, or is about to, review and/or rate.