Understandable

UNDERSTANDABLE


It was understandable.

His brother had slaughtered his parents before his very eyes. So he had every right to hate him, to want to kill him, to want revenge.

It was understandable.

He wanted to join his parents in heaven. So he’d tried to kill himself.

It was understandable.

He felt like a failure for not being able to avenge their deaths, he felt numb, he was punishing himself. So he cut his own skin to apologize, to feel.

It was all completely understandable.

But it still was more than enough to have the boy committed to the mental hospital for a good long while. Iruka knew that the boy standing before him had every right to be the way he was, but it didn’t stop society and a judge from deeming him clinically insane with at least a year’s mandatory institutionalization that could be extended by the recommendation of his psychiatrist. Iruka’s overly large heart went out to the solemn boy. It was understandable, but Sasuke looked like the type that didn’t want to be understood. He looked like the type that wanted nothing more then to be left to his own devices with a razor blade. But because of his masochistic and suicidal tendencies he would be required to share a room. The boy was also homicidal but so far those tendencies only surfaced in the presence of his brother.

Iruka didn’t want Sasuke to be anymore averse to having to stay at the institution then he already was, so he set up Sasuke with someone who was sure not to bother him very much.

Naruto Uzumaki, was a young blonde boy with a smile handed down from angels. The patients generally liked him because it was the consensus that he was a healing type of person, even the orderlies agreed that everyone was a little bit better when Naruto was around. But recently Naruto was falling into a near catatonic state. Naruto was in the mental hospital because he had the delusion that he was a ninja in some place called Konoha, and he wanted to be something called Hokage and that he had a demon sealed inside of him. But that was only one half of Naruto, the other half of him knew exactly what was going on in the real world but insisted that Konoha and all the stories he told were real. The only weird thing is that while some details were off Naruto already knew your name and what your personality was like before you were ever introduced.

Apparently something had happened within Naruto’s delusion that had devastated him a little more then a year ago. He didn’t smile or talk anymore and barely reacted to anything, a shell of the glowing boy that used to go bounding up and down the halls before his meds kicked in to put him under. Lately Naruto had lost the will for independent movement. Sasuke didn’t seem to have sadistic tendencies so it was unlikely he would make Naruto worse; that was good. Because Iruka was sure that if you gave him one more push, Naruto would shatter. Iruka sighed and unlocked one of the many drawers in the desk he was standing next to, fishing around the little sub-compartments he pulled out several different colored rubber bracelets, black, red, dark green, and white. “You’re required to wear these. It doesn’t matter which wrist you wear them or both wrists but you have to wear them at all times, no trading with the other patients. You’ll be put in solitary confinement for a week if you’re caught without your proper bracelets.” He watched Sasuke put them on with only a curious look on his face.

“You’re going to be put in a room with someone else,” Iruka continued, “please don’t argue.” He added at the look of frustrated disgust that appeared on the pale boy’s face. “With your tendencies you left us no choice. He’s been very quiet recently so he shouldn’t bother you very much. Don’t cause trouble and you get more privileges, misbehave and you’ll be accordingly dealt with, it’s as simple as that. Oh, and watch your mouth, some of our patients are sensitive and others can grow extremely violent when pushed. I’m busy and your psychiatrist is running late with a session so Kurenai will take you to your room.” A brunette woman not far off finished filling out the paperwork she was doing and stood up. “C’mon kid, you’ve got to be escorted until we know we can trust you. I’m going to take you to your room where you can unpack, your roommate needs a wheel chair so someone will come to take the two of you to dinner.” She said turning away from him and gesturing that he should follow.

He did so shifting the shoulder bag he was carrying and shutting his eyes. He didn’t want to be there. He didn’t need to open his eyes to follow this woman called Kurenai. There were very few people in the hall and he followed the sounds of her footfalls. The facility smelled very clean and of bleach, Sasuke grimaced, he hated bleach. The carpet underneath his shoes was unusually soft and easy to walk on, probably for the patients that couldn’t or wouldn’t put on shoes. It was mostly quiet. But in some rooms there were loud noises; Sasuke didn’t want to know why. Kurenai opened a door into a place that there were loud echoes, her footfalls were heavier now and sounded like they were getting higher, a staircase. Sasuke was careful to step higher until he felt the first step beneath his foot. And they climbed up two flights of stairs. There was another opened door, Sasuke stuck his hand out when he heard the squeak of it beginning to close on him from his right. They were in another hallway, of that he was sure, and they kept walking until Kurenai stopped. Sasuke stopped, she was turning around, Sasuke opened his eyes to stare at the floor.

She wasn’t wearing pointed toed shoes like his mother wore, he observed. They were simple and definitely had no heel on them. The kind of shoes that were comfortable to walk in. This woman was practical more then she was worried about her looks, though from the glimpse of her face he knew what she was prettier then average.

“Why did you walk all the way here with your eyes closed? You can’t get out of your room, we have motion detectors throughout the hallway activated at night.” She asked him in a voice that wasn’t stern but mostly curious. Sasuke shrugged, “If I can’t see that I’m here I can ignore that I am.” Kurenai looked as though she didn’t quite understand but it didn’t deter her. She put her hand on the door knob that was most likely to his new room, then she hesitated, “Listen, be nice to him. One more little bad thing and we may not get him back.” Her face was stern now. Sasuke nodded, catching her drift.

Kurenai opened the door. “Naruto! I came to visit, and I brought you a roommate with me so you won’t get so lonely all the time.” Kurenai stepped into the room, looking off to the right the smile she had tried to wear was slipping off her face. She walked further in and Sasuke silently followed. “C’mon Kiddo, at least turn and look at your new roommate.”

Sasuke was finally at an angle that he could see part of Naruto’s face. He had blonde hair and tan skin but looked completely inert. At Kurenai’s continued urging Naruto slowly turned to face them both. His blue eyes were lifeless and grayish as he looked at Kurenai as though she was part of the wall. Kurenai seemed heartened that Naruto had turned to look at them, “This is your new roommate, Naruto. He’s-” but Kurenai stopped speaking.

Naruto had taken one look at Sasuke and tears immediately started flowing down his cheeks. His lack of facial expression contorted into a look of purest shock. Kurenai was beside herself, she rushed to Naruto asking him questions that neither boy heard. Naruto’s lips began to move for the first time in too long. “Sasuke.” Naruto’s voice was hoarse, small and very faint. Like he hadn’t used his vocal cords in a very long time.

Sasuke was unnerved to say the least. He was sure he had never seen this boy before in his life, yet this boy knew his name. Sasuke was suddenly unsure if he wanted to be this boy’s roommate, crying unexpectedly, knowing his name before he was told, he was very weird. Kurenai looked like she was having kittens, “Oh, Naruto! That’s the first time you’ve spoken in months! This is great, I’m going to make you any flavor of ramen you want.”

“Ruka.” He said quietly.

Kurenai stopped, “Ruka? What’s ‘ruka’? Do you mean you want to see Iruka? Where’s a wheelchair?” Kurenai looked around and out in the hallway, “Oh, forget the wheelchair, come here Naruto.” Kurenai stooped and picked the blonde boy up from where he was sitting on the bed. She cradled him gently in her arms and rested his head on her shoulder. “Naruto I’ll be glad when you get your appetite back, you’re too light.” Naruto made no response other then to repeat, “Ruka... Ruka.” All the while tears were running down his cheeks creating a wet patch on his shirt and Kurenai’s scrubs.

“Alright Naruto, alright, we’re off to see Iruka right now.”

Sasuke had the fleeting thought that Kurenai forgot that he was even there. But before she left she turned to him, “Unpack your things and don’t leave your room. If I don’t come back just sit tight, you’re not allowed to go off on your own.” Then she left, Sasuke was, in his opinion, rather tolerant of these stupid rules, but he was tired of being told the same thing over and over again like he was some stupid kid and not the number one student in his class. But he didn’t have much time to dwell on this however, as soon as Kurenai had turned the corner Naruto burst out wailing and sobbing loudly. The anguished noises that tore from that blonde boy’s throat echoed down the hall and echoed in Sasuke’s mind. He had sobbed like that too... once...

Sasuke stood there, just watching the doorway almost in a trance. But he shook his head after a while and turned to the empty bed and walked up to it. He let the bag hanging off his shoulder fall onto it as he unzipped the largest zipper and began to put cloths in the drawers of the dresser that didn’t look used. He didn’t really care if he unpacked, he just wanted something to do with his hands more then anything else at the moment.

“Hey.” Sasuke looked over his shoulder at a boy with red hair and jade eyes that appeared in his doorway. Sasuke had no response, he didn’t know this boy either so he wasn’t going to say ‘hey’ back. But he was spared the need of responding because as soon as he turned to face the redhead he stated talking again. “Naruto’s crying. You have anything to do with that?”

Sasuke bristled, “No. well, I guess yes. I don’t know, maybe.” The redhead was not amused, he scowled and strode into the room and walked right up into Sasuke’s face, “What the hell did you do to Naruto?” he said quietly, but dangerously. Sasuke then realized why that man Iruka told him to watch his mouth; this boy was one of those who would get violent if you pushed him. “I don’t know what happened. Honestly, all I did was walk into the room, he took one look at me and the tears just started flowing. Then he said my name, then he said ‘ruka’ or something and Kurenai took him away. And as soon as he was out the door he started wailing like his heart was wrenched out.”

The red head backed off. “Gaara.” He said. Sasuke blinked, “Sorry?” Gaara sighed, “My name,” he said stressing the second word, “is Gaara.”

“Gaara, my name is Sasuke.” Sasuke said holding a hand out on instinct. Gaara hesitated but took his hand. “If you got Naruto to finally show some emotion you’re either my newest best friend or my next murder victim.”

Sasuke blinked, this kid was crazy! Then Sasuke mentally smacked himself, he was in a mental hospital, everyone was crazy here. Even he was a bit crazy he’d admit, not everyone had to deal with what he had to, not everyone had his past...

“If I know anything about what’s going to happen next it’s that Naruto’s going to be in Iruka’s office for the next few hours. Then they’re probably going to give him a sedative to help him sleep. So you’re not going to be properly introduced till tomorrow at worst. But the old Naruto was very resilient to the sedatives so you never really know.”

Sasuke said nothing. He wanted to be left alone, he had two blades hidden away in the rubber of his shoe and he wanted to find a better hiding spot for them. Gaara turned around, Sasuke breathed a silent thanks, “You’re a cutter right? And you’re not allowed to be left on our own. C’mon, we’ll go to the lounge; there are plenty of people to watch you here and they have a TV.”

“How do you know that I’m not allowed to be on my own?” Sasuke asked, unnerved at how much this boy knew about him.

“Your bracelets. They’re color coded, black you’re suicidal, red you cut, white you have post traumatic stress disorder, and dark green you’re not to be out without supervision.” Sasuke immediately looked at Gaara’s wrists: black, blue, purple, and light green. “Then what’s blue, purple and, light green?” Gaara looked at his own bracelets, “Purple means I don’t sleep, blue means that I have homicidal tendencies, and light green is ... I’m allowed to go out by myself but I’m sort of on probation. They’ll get you a set of bracelets with your name on each of them in about a week. It’s so we can’t trade them off.”

Sasuke nodded, colors huh? That was interesting to know. He continued to follow Gaara and they turned into a room that had a plethora of what Sasuke liked to call ‘white noise’ issuing from it. Inside there were various people, mostly his age, some older, one definitely younger. Each one of them were wearing different colored bracelets, some only wearing two, some wearing many.

Gaara found two seats open of the sofa and led Sasuke to them; Gaara sat in the middle, forcing Sasuke to take the end. Sasuke looked around, there was a blonde girl braiding her long ponytail into tiny braids. A small girl sitting timidly in the corner on the floor twiddling with her fingers. A boy with brown hair and shades staring out the window. Another brunette clutching a small stuffed dog; a small kid, considerably the youngest, sitting in front of the TV but not enjoying himself very much. He had his head in his hands and Sasuke saw a white bracelet, a green, and a dark blue one, he wondered what the dark blue meant. A boy in green who was playing ping-pong against an older guy with lank dark hair and a look that Sasuke didn’t like. He noticed as the man swung his ping-pong paddle that he was wearing a dark green and a pink bracelet, what a combo Sasuke thought snidely.

Sasuke continued to survey the rooms’ occupants; there was a boy that looked like a college student with completely gray hair and glasses reading a book, upside down, a pink haired girl that was drawing on a piece of paper, and a well fed boy with a bag of chips. Sitting on the couch next to Gaara, two people who could have been boys or girls, both with long dark hair. One had pale eyes and the other had brown eyes. The television show was an object of complete disinterest to Sasuke. He vaguely recognized one of the women as a very talented actress and they were obviously watching reruns of the TV sitcom she had gotten her start in. What was this show called anyways? Pals? Buddies? Something stupid like that, then the logo came on, Friends. Sasuke hated sitcoms personally; his own life had more drama then a stupid sitcom or even a stupid soap opera!

Gaara leaned back into the seat cushion and shut his eyes to the commercials. The possible girl/boy sitting closest to him, the one with brown eyes, turned and smiled at him. “They took away your CD’s again, Gaara?” Gaara nodded grumpily, “You shouldn’t listen to them so loud at night. Then they’ll let you keep them.” Gaara nodded again.

The brown eyed Girl/boy leaned forward looking at Sasuke as a strange commercial for car insurance disguised as a cartoon with a woman with pink hair played on the TV. “You’re new friend? It’s unusual for you to warm up to a new one so fast.” Any hope that Sasuke had had of determining this person’s gender by listening to their voice was dashed, the sound was deep yet not extremely so, and softly melodic. It could have been either. But Sasuke still felt the heat rise in his face, not out of embarrassment but out of fury at being spoken about as though he wasn’t there.

“Stuff it Haku. Who’s warming up to anyone? He got Naruto to show an actual reaction just by standing there, I want my eye on him at all times.”

The person called Haku stared wide eyed and open mouthed at Sasuke, then sticking out a hand for Sasuke to shake he said, “Thank you so much, hopefully you didn’t do more harm then good. We all rely on Naruto.” Sasuke shook his hand slightly warily, “Well regardless, my name is Haku, Yuki Haku. And you are?” Sasuke ventured that by the firm almost blistering handshake he was receiving that this person, however effeminate, was male. But he didn’t want to make any verbal testimonies just yet. “Uchiha, Sasuke.”

“We watched your brother’s trial. It was highly televised.” Said the pale eyed person, whose voice unmistakablely denoted that the speaker was male. He shifted his eyes but did not turn his head to look at Sasuke. “Hyuuga, Neji. In the corner is my cousin Hyuuga Hinata, if you must approach her do so slowly and softly.”

Haku leaned just right to block Neji from Sasuke’s line of sight, “She’s very sensitive and easily scared, poor little Hime-chan.”

Sasuke tilted his head to the side, “Hime?” Neji used his right hand to move Haku out of the way, “Hinata-sama is my family’s heir. That is why Haku gave her such a nickname; however I would prefer you to refer to her by her actual name.”

Sasuke was brought forcibly back to a time long before his brother snapped, his brother had liked a series called ‘Star Trek’ and Neji reminded Sasuke of every Vulcan depicted in that series, ever. He looked at Neji’s bracelets, purple, pink and gray. So at the very least Sasuke knew that Neji didn’t sleep well. But what on earth did pink mean?

“Hinata-san then.” Sasuke said at last.

“That is acceptable.” Neji said stiffly. Sasuke snorted haughtily, “Spock.”

“Excuse me?” Neji said, raising one eyebrow and looking even more like a vulcan by the second.

“Oh, nothing. ...Tuvoc.” Sasuke said through suppressed snickers, this was actually kind of funny, and a good way to forget about the person his brother once was.

“What did you just say and in what language was it in?” Neji said confusedly.

Haku giggled. “You wouldn’t understand Vulcan-sama.”

“I am invoking my right to completely ignore idiots.” Neji stated flatly turning to the TV. Haku shrugged it off, “You a Trekie?” Haku asked turning back to Sasuke.

“My brother, pre-snapping.” Sasuke replied, shaking his head, with an ease he didn’t feel.

“Interesting terminology.” Gaara remarked.

“If it fits.” Sasuke said with a highly practiced façade of calm, he even shrugged nonchalantly; what he wouldn’t give for a change of subject.

“So what happened with Naruto anyways? What kind of reaction did you manage to get out of him?” Haku asked, slightly more serious now. Sasuke retold his story. He was careful to be as accurate as possible, it couldn’t have been plainer by his hard glare that Gaara was studying him intensely for signs that he was lying. The "white noise" level suddenly dropped, there were several people eavesdropping on them now, even the patter of the ping-pong ball faded away, someone had obviously missed the ball. What was it with this Naruto person?

“And he didn’t start really crying till after he left the room?” Haku said at the end of his story. Sasuke shook his head, “After he and I left each other’s line of sight. When he couldn’t see me anymore and I couldn’t see him, that’s when he started crying.”

Haku nodded, “Congratulations. You are officially my hero. You got Naruto to show some real emotion.”
Sasuke didn’t know what to say. But his curiosity about who this Naruto was mounted. After watching the sitcom rerun half heartedly for ten minutes he gave up and got up to see what else there was to do. He found a deck of cards lying idly on a table no one was sitting at. He smiled, there was something to do. He took the cards out of their card box and began shuffling expertly; he dealt the cards out swiftly for a game of solitaire and began playing.

His first game was no good, he got stuck. He checked all the unturned cards and found that 4 of clubs he had needed under the jack of hearts he couldn’t move. He dealt again. He won. He was just dealing the cards for his third game when Kurenai came into the room in what was unmistakably a bad mood.

“Sasuke! I thought I made it clear that you aren’t allowed in the halls on your own!” Sasuke looked up at her. “I didn’t get here on my own. I mean, how would I have known how to get here?” Kurenai looked at him. “Which of the doctors or nurses escorted you here?” she asked with her brow raised. Sasuke shrugged, “I don’t know everyone’s name yet.” Sasuke decided he wasn’t going to mention that it was Gaara who brought him here, he wasn’t a snitch and he didn’t want to get on the wrong side of someone who exuded such a murderous aura when angered. He had the feeling that this Kurenai woman would yell at Gaara for it, it was just better to keep it vague.

Kurenai gave him a long severe look. Sasuke was used to looks such as these. His father had… Sasuke blinked, he turned away from Kurenai he put his head in his hands and tried hard to breathe calmly. He wasn't ready to face the memories of his family. After a few moments he brought his head up, suddenly very aware of the sounds around him, the patter of the ping-pong ball was back, the white noise level was back up but it wasn't as loud as it used to be. There were people that had been watching him. He hated this, hated being forced to be around people when he showed the occasional flicker of weakness. He hated that he would be monitored at all times, that there would always be at least one person in the room with him. He thought again of the blades tucked away in the pealing rubber of his old sneakers, what he wouldn't give to be alone somewhere, anywhere. If not to use them then at least to hide them.

Kurenai had not walked away from him, she had waited for him to finish whatever it was he was doing. When she sensed he was done she gently touched his shoulder to get his attention. Sasuke flinched horribly and she drew her hand away. "You're psychiatrist has finished with the session that ran long. He will see you now." Sasuke nodded stiffly at her. He stood up to be escorted to his first session of therapy.

Therapy. Sasuke needed therapy. There were several boys at his high school who would have suffocated from their laughter if they found out that Sasuke was getting therapy. They had always joked that Sasuke needed therapy, he had no sense of humor and he was 'about as interesting as watching coal turn to diamonds.' All the girls said he needed an attitude adjustment and then he would date him, it was a very good reason to not improve his people skills.

Sasuke didn't need to close his eyes to ignore where Kurenai was taking him this time. He stopped when she stopped and she opened a door for him. Inside there was a man reading a book, this made Kurenai very angry. She stalked up to him, tore the book out of his hands, hit him up side the head with it and stalked out. Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

The man behind the desk rubbed at the spot Kurenai where had hit him, with his other hand he motioned to a chair in front of his desk. Sasuke was grateful that he hadn't pointed to the bed-like sofa to the side of his desk. Sasuke sat down and they sat in silence for several minutes.

The man finally cleared his throat, "My name is Kakashi. And according to your file yours is Sasuke. I can tell just from your posture and attitude that you don't really want to be here, and that you more then likely just want to be let to your own devices. And most of all I gather that you aren't the type to trust easily, nor one to bare your soul to a stranger, namely me. So we're going to work off of a simple system, if you feel like talking, talk; if not I'll make up some general noncommittal mumbo-jumbo to put in the records of our session until such time as you feel like talking."

Sasuke was a little taken aback at this Kakashi's lax system, but he was grateful. Kakashi was right, Sasuke didn’t feel comfortable talking about such personal matters with a stranger. But there were a few things he wanted to know, starting with his roommate.

"What's the story behind Naruto?" Sasuke asked, genuinely curious. Kakashi blinked, "Well, that didn't take long! I expected you to just clam up for at least a week before you and I would have to actually talk to one another. Is that a good thing?"

Sasuke shrugged, "I just want to know what's so special about him."

Kakashi ran a careful hand through his hair, "Naruto suffers from delusions, half of the time he insists that he is a ninja for something called a 'Konoha' and there's something hidden inside of him. But Naruto has been a rather interesting case, while his delusions would inhibit him from functioning in the real world there are times when he knows exactly what's going on. HE’s coherent, even mostly sane, if insistent on his delusions. He's known almost everyone's name before ever being introduced, he knew my favorite series of books, that Gaara was an insomniac, and that Sakura-chan's hair was naturally pink. And that's what strange about him. He's kind, if loud and he has a soft almost healing aura about him whenever he smiles. Even the doctors and nurses feel it.

"Naruto is good for healing, but lately there's been something bad that happened, someone left his life within his delusion. He just got more and more depressed until he lost the will for independent movement and speech. People have shattered plates behind him and he doesn't even flinch. It's been that way for nearly a year now. Dr. Iruka has been getting very worried."

"Oh." there was more silence between them, "Umm, I'm done now." Kakashi nodded his head and opened a drawer in his desk, another book, of the exact same shade of red and design as the one Kurenai had just confiscated was pulled out.

Sasuke sat there in silence, nothing more was said. Sasuke didn't try to start a conversation and Kakashi got absorbed in his book.

Saskue stood up and began to examine the various books lining a bookshelf in Kakashi's office. Some dealt with psychology, others romance, still others self-defense, but it was section of books that caught his eye. They were small, leather bound, and not that thick; they seemed oddly spaced out. When he drew one from the shelf he found a strange name embossed on the front.

"Those are diaries. They have pretty good locks on them, some of my patients would rather talk to the paper then me at first." Kakashi said glancing up at what Sasuke was holding onto. Sure enough there was a thick metal lock that connected the binding together inevitably, to try and break it wouldn't be so hard that it couldn't be done, but it would be so much trouble.

"What's the difference?" Sasuke said looking up from the book cover.

"One of my patients summed it up quite nicely, they said, 'Paper can't judge you.' a completely nonbiased listener of your darkest secrets, there is a certain appeal to that." Kakashi said with a far off air that said he was half in reality, half in his memories.

"What's with this name on the front then? 'Unseeing eyes' who was on what when they named their kid that?" Sasuke said looking at the cover again.

"They chose that name, ambiguous, accurate and most importantly different and that's what they wanted. You can eventually name your own diary, if you want one. And when you're ready, you can give it to me, but you don’t have to." Kakashi said looking back down at his own book but with one hand he began fishing threw another one of his desk drawers. His hand came up out of the drawer with a book tightly wrapped in cellophane and a set of two complex looking keys, the book chosen had a blue tint to it, and a gray, dulled gray lock with matching colored keys.

Kakashi set the book down on the desk and Sasuke had the urge to go to the desk and take it. Then he stopped himself, he had to smile a bit. Kakashi was really good at his job. He realized that Sasuke wanted his own space, gave it to him and then gave him a means of Sasuke doing all his work for him. All this without Sasuke realizing want was going on until it was too late. But the diary held appeal for Sasuke too, he took the book from the desk and removed the cellophane.

He took the two keys and undid one from the frail key ring they came with, he placed it on Kakashi's desk. "Lose it and we'll see if my homicidal tendencies are just limited to my brother."

"Dually noted." Kakashi said smiling into his book. "You're almost done with your session, wow, this is the first time I've ever been finished early." he added, checking his wristwatch.

There was a knock at the door, but the person at the other side of it didn’t bother to wait for an answer, Iruka barged into the office.

“Kakashi! We have to talk. Right now.” Iruka was unmistakably out of breath and Kakashi immediately shut his book and left the room with Iruka. Sasuke didn’t care what they were talking about. He was looking for a pen on Kakashi’s desk that he could use but there weren’t any. He found pencils, and he chose the only one he found that wasn’t an eagle pencil and wouldn’t write well.

He sat down on the sofa bed, leaned against the wall, and opened the book with the key that’d come with it the metal clasp released with a metallic ‘clink!’ as he opened to the first page and began to write.

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August 29th, Day 1 Of Institutionalization:

I arrive here with every desire to run away and hide in the woods until I find a good place for them to find my body.

I know exactly what I’m doing here though; I’m torn with wanting to join my parents and hanging on at least until I have killed Itachi with my own two hands. I know that my parents wouldn’t want something like avenging them to consume my life and that they would want me to live life and slowly move on. But I feel like I can’t do that unless I take the life of their killer. My purpose is a paradox, my life is confused, my memories are painful, my parents are dead, I’m a ward of the state, and it’s all Itachi’s fault.

I would have just lived in my parents’ large house with the housekeepers (they’re more like maids and butlers) torturing myself but surrounding myself with their things. But even that torture wasn’t enough, I began to cut my arms, my legs, and every so often, my wrists. I forbade every maid that caught me at it from talking but when my social worker came to call she saw a flash of red from where one of my long sleeves had ridden up. But it was rather obvious, no one wears long sleeves in the summer. Then there came the hearing where pictures of my cuts were shown. Well, my arms, to show the ones on my legs was a bit dangerous because I only cut my thighs where it could be easily covered, and my defense attorney argued that they were getting dangerously close to child pornography.

Quite a few maids testified against me, one or two didn’t, and as each stepped off the witness stand I had my attorney inform them of their dismissal. The third maid that heard this ran from the courtroom in tears.

It was almost the exact same thing every time the maids were interviewed. They are sworn in, asked their name, asked their place of employ fro the record of the courtroom, and then:

“Is it true, that on more then one occasion since the defendant’s parents, unfortunately, were killed, you bore witness to the defendant cutting his own skin with such things as, exhibit A this razor blade, or exhibit B this piece of broken glass?”

“Yes.”

“And, is it not also true, that he forbade you from speaking about this incident ever again?”

“Yes.”

“No more questions your honor.”

“Would the defense care to cross examine?”

I would whisper my instructions into my attorney’s ear, the first time I said them he looked at me, shocked. The last time it happened he didn’t even need me to tell him. He would stand and say, “No, your honor. But Mr. Uchiha would wish to inform the witness of her immediate dismissal from his employ for insubordination. Also, he asks her to remove her things from his place of residence and return her uniforms as soon as physically possible, dry cleaned. He will reimburse her.”

The first time it happened there was about a minute where no one did anything. Even that person who types everything that is said and everything that goes on stopped typing.

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The door reopened, and Sasuke stopped writing. Sasuke laid the pencil down to rest in the middle of the diary and use his arm to obstruct what he had written as best he could.

“Sasuke, we have a very big request of you.” Iruka began but he stopped. Kakashi gestured to the chair he’d offered Sasuke not too long ago. Kakashi himself sat behind his desk and looked at Sasuke with his gray eyes.

“Sasuke, Naruto has made astounding progress with just a few moments in your presence. If you can help get Naruto back...” Iruka broke off. “Naruto himself is a healing presence so maybe you can even heal each other.” Kakashi said when Iruka didn’t continue.

Sasuke raised a brow. “And this is the big request?”

Iruka shook his head, “Oh no! You would spend a lot of time together anyways, you’re roommates. No, the big request of you is that in Naruto’s delusion you have left him somehow. He won’t say how but he has told me what you were to him before you left him.”

“And what was that?” Sasuke asked his inner bells and whistles blaring in his ears.

Iruka seemed to have lost his track again. He looked to Kakashi for help. Kakashi cleared his throat. “He says that the two of you were lovers. And that you tried to kill him right before you left him.”

“What the hell kind of messed up lover tries that?" he asked before he could stop himself. "I pass, I may hate girls but I'm not going to pity date a lunatic who thinks he knows me.”

"He says your favorite color is dark blue; that you dislike the company of others, and that girls go crazy for you even though you act like a jerk all the time. And that until he went insane you really looked up to your brother as a role model because he was always better then you at everything. That your father played extreme favorites and ignored you if you weren’t perfect. That your mother tried to make up for his lack of love for you. That your brother, before the incident, your brother slowly started acting weird and he started shutting you out and you didn't like that." Iruka’s voice was flat sounding as he recited the details of Uchiha Sasuke that Naruto had told him.

Accurate.

Personal.

Way too personal, way too true to be a coincidence, like he had told this boy he'd never met everything in his heart. Some things he wasn't even planning to tell his therapist.

"I'm interested. How does he know all that?"

"That's the hard part of his condition, all this information is purely from his delusion." Iruka said shaking his head in confusion. "We're not asking you to engage in sexual relations," Kakashi said when it was evident that Iruka wasn't going to speak again. "We don't particularly condone that behavior. Just, humor him a little, make him feel like he's loved, and maybe in return you can learn there is more to life then your brother's death."

What his parents would want…

"Fine. He's intriguing anyways." Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him, "Don't treat it so lightly, if you hurt him half the patients will be after your blood."

"I'll play nice." Sasuke promised. Iruka stood up, "I'll take you to your room, Naruto is there. Be gentle, let him do a lot of the talking."

"I'm famed for my taciturnity, that shouldn't be much problem." Sasuke said easily, it was true that he disliked the company of others, but he'd spent so long around others he just acted how they thought he should act. He could be funny, helpful, cold or sarcastic no matter what he felt. He could act the part of lover too. Sasuke stood, returned Kakashi’s pencil, and locked his new diary.

Iruka escorted him to his room, and when he reached the door he took several deep breaths before opening it for Sasuke. Naruto sat in a wheel chair by his bed, he turned when the door opened, he took one look at Sasuke and he was crying happy tears, had he the strength to stand he would have run into Sasuke’s arms. As it was, Sasuke recognized Naruto’s desire and wrapped his arms around the blonde.

"Sasuke! Sasuke! I wasn't dreaming! You are back! Your really back!" Naruto cried into Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke was ready for this. He chuckled just a bit and said, "Back? When did I leave? Have you been having nightmares?"

Naruto pulled away from Sasuke and tugged hard on the front of his shirt. "It wasn't a nightmare! You really did leave! I was so scared Orochimaru was going to get you!"

Sasuke looked into the blonde's eyes and tried to hide his confusion, Who the hell was Orochimaru? "Now why would I go to Orochimaru?" Sasuke asked, trying to keep his face as free from confusion as possible.

"Because he told you he'd give you the power to beat your brother so you could kill him! But I'm so glad you didn't go! He just wanted your body so he wouldn’t have to die. We've got to tell Tsunade Baa-chan. You've come back. You came back to me. I thought I was going to die!" Naruto buried his face in Sasuke's shirt again. Sasuke began to wonder if the boy would ever let go.

Who was Tsunade? "Didn't I just ask you if you've been having nightmares? I'm not going to go to Orochimaru. The first chance I get I'm going to kill my bother but it'll be just me who does it." Sasuke said trying to not to get himself caught in a web of lies later. Unbeknownst to the two boys Iruka, satisfied that Sasuke was not going to make matters worse, left.

"Oh Sasuke, have I really just been dreaming? It was such a bad dream, what if I have it again?" Naruto asked his Sasuke's now quite wet shirt.

"Would you like me to sleep beside you and scare away your nightmares then, bibiri-kun?" Sasuke asked in a mocking tone. Pulling Naruto away from his shirt and tilting his face up so Sasuke could look him in the face. It just dawned on him how petite Naruto was.

"Sasuke! Sasuke, it is you! Sasuke don't leave me! You can't, you can't!" Naruto said clutching at Sasuke still tighter.

Sasuke gave a small laugh, "Well, if I really can't then I guess I won't be going anywhere. But I do need to breathe Naruto." Naruto loosened his grip on Sasuke and looked at him tearfully.

Before Sasuke could react Naruto kissed him full on the mouth, switching fast Sasuke raced to throw aside his impulse to push the boy away, he kept reminding himself to play along, that Naruto thought he was his lover. Iruka wasn't at the doorway when Sasuke looked. That was good, he seemed the type that would freak out about this sort of thing.

When Naruto broke away from him he did so suddenly, he blushed and looked away. Sasuke raised an eyebrow, he wasn't going to complain; the boy hadn't been a bad kisser.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take your first kiss again." he said looking at the head of his bed, his face going steadily redder.

"Again?" Sasuke asked. Naruto nodded, "Thank you for not contradicting him, it's been hard enough with most people telling him that the only thing he knows is real isn't. I'm sorry he kissed you."

"So you know.." what did this new Naruto know? "I know that you're Sasuke Uchiha, that your brother killed your family and that you want to return the favor. I know that in another life you left to Orochimaru to gain the power to kill your brother. I know you tried to kill me then, and I know that before today we have never met."

Sasuke nodded, "Alright." Sasuke said evenly, at least he wouldn't have to act with Naruto all the time. "But Sasuke? Can I still kiss you? I know you don't know me but I do know you. And I do love you."

The words offset Sasuke, he should have realized that the feeling was the barrier around his heart developing a large crack.

Naruto didn't slip into what Sasuke dubbed, "full delusion" for the rest of the day. He even helped Sasuke unpack. Naruto tried and failed miserably to hide his shock and horror when Sasuke finally removed the blades from his shoe. Sasuke slipped them into a crack in the wood border at the bottom of the wall.

After hiding them Sasuke felt strangely better, he let out a sigh and finished unpacking his things. Naruto watched him all the while with a strange little smile on his face. Different, but the soul was the same, Sasuke seemed a bit nicer then last time. He wasn't so wrapped around his parents deaths, but from what Naruto understood it had happened not too long ago this time. He was probably suppressing it a bit.

Naruto sighed heavily, he'd hoped that with the absence of the Sharingan that Itachi wouldn't be driven to murder but he was wrong. Maybe the whole thing ran deeper then he had first thought.

“Well, they’re going to take me off the catatonic list but they insist that I have a wheel chair take me from place to place. So we have to wait here until someone gets us; man, I’m hungry too.” Naruto said sitting on his bed where Sasuke had put him, his slightly fidgeting foot belying his seemingly calm air.

“I would imagine they would insist on you using a wheelchair.” Sasuke said, a little more condescending then he originally had meant it to sound. “How long has it been since you’ve walked up and down these halls on your own power? From what I hear it was months. You need to get used to using your muscles before you try something stupid and end up falling headfirst down a flight of stairs or something.”

“Iruka-sensei said something like that. Only he didn’t sound quite so convincing. Probably because he didn’t point out the ’falling down stairs’ thing.” Naruto said looking up at the ceiling, his foot stopping. His eyebrows jumped up, trying to hide in his all-over-the-place blonde hair. “Oh! That was really nice Sasuke. You’re nicer then his Sasuke.”

Sasuke struggled a bit to keep up with Naruto, “And ‘he’ would be?” he said with a small frown.

Naruto looked down at his bracelets, then sighed, “I still have dark green and dark red.” He fiddled with the bracelets irritably, like they had wronged him somehow. “I used to wear, green, orange, and light blue.” At the look of nonplussed agitation on Sasuke’s face he elaborated, “Orange means I suffer from delusions, light blue means I have multiple personality disorder. Dark red means I was catatonic. The green ones refer to your hallway status.”

Sasuke nodded, so when Naruto said things like ‘last time’ and ‘in another life’ he meant his other personality. It was starting to make some sort of sense. “Does he have a name?” Sasuke asked, Naruto chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, but it’ll do you no good. His name is Uzumaki Naruto, just like me.”

“That is a bit of a problem.” Sasuke mused aloud. “How do I tell the two of you apart?”

Naruto stopped for a little while. His gaze fell on a spot that was nowhere in particular as he was silent for several minutes. “I think that if you’re really good you’ll be able to tell by my eyes.”

Sasuke snickered, “What? Will your eyes change color?” Naruto looked at him with such intensity that Sasuke almost recoiled, “If you make me mad, maybe.”

Sasuke walked up to Naruto, “Alright, no making you upset. Got it. Besides at least one part of you firmly believes I’m your lover or something right?” he placed his hand on Naruto’s head in a rather brotherly expression of affection. When Sasuke realized this his body tensed, a sudden wave of inexplicable nausea crashed over him; no matter how hard he fought to keep his face calm he felt it contort. Naruto was not oblivious to the sudden change in the boy, he wrapped his arms around Sasuke and whispered in his ear, “You are not him, I wouldn’t love you if you were. You’re not your brother. You, you are Sasuke.”

It hurt, it hurt to hear it. But at the same time it felt so good to hear those words.

He should have realized then that he was in way over his head, and that there was no way out.

Naruto should have realized something important too.