Finding You

Finding You

*****

In the dark cave, the brothers stared at each other in silence for what seemed like an endless moment, Sasuke struggling to maintain the cold demeanor that would help him control this situation, trying to read Itachi’s fathomless expression for some time as the only sounds either could hear were the faint dripping of water in a nearby pool within the damp cavern. Just as Sasuke had decided to skip the small talk and launch an attack, Itachi’s spoke, his voice echoing ominously in their surroundings.

“Did you get a little taller?” he asked, and Sasuke would have laughed at the ridiculousness of the question if he wasn’t battling with a rage so strong it felt as though his veins were coursing with fire.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Sasuke answered back, his tone clipped as he pushed his anger aside just enough that it was still fueling him, but not overpowering him into making a stupid mistake like the last time they’d met. This time it will be different. He’ll learn to recognize that I am not the same person as the crying child he left behind on that day. I am an avenger, and I will prevail. “Especially those cold, merciless eyes.” Itachi didn’t laugh at this, but his brother’s laugh was a sound he could hardly remember having ever heard, even before the massacre. He could tell that his brother still found the situation to be merely an amusement, however. His overconfidence will cost him everything.

“Aren’t you going to scream out and charge straight at me, like last time?” Itachi taunted, his voice still carrying the same cold tone it always embodied whether talking about the mundane or discussing the slaughter of his own clan.

“Hmph.” Sasuke almost wanted to laugh. This was surprisingly anticlimactic. He could feel Itachi’s power, and he knew that his own was finally a match for it. He would win this time. “You know nothing about me,” And he lunged forward, feeling jubilant, feeling sure that this time, he would walk away the victor. He had barely to think of it before a knife of chakra formed in his hand and shot forward, impaling his brother with no trouble and lifting him bodily into the air. Surely it couldn’t be as simple as this? All this time, he had feared that he might never be a match for the formidable possessor of the Mangekyou Sharingan, but in the end, it wasn’t genjutsu that he would need to use to win, it was as easy as a blade made not of chakra, but of rage and vengeance, and every other thing that filled his being whenever his thoughts had turned to Itachi in the past. “How much hate has filled and enveloped my heart, how much stronger I’ve grown because of it…”

“You know nothing.” Itachi was mocking him, even as blood dribbled from his lips down his chin, and Sasuke, sick of letting this man, this bastard demean him at every turn no matter how hard he fought, no matter how much strength he possessed, saw rather than felt himself form several more spears of chakra and quicker than he could have possibly thought of it, shooting them through his brother’s immobilized form like a morbid pincushion before letting the blades dissolve, dropping the bleeding form to the ground at his feet where he watched him with no small amount of disgust and disappointment.

“You’ve gotten much stronger.” He sounded cold and collected and almost satisfied as he rasped out the words, blood bubbling over his lips and pooling around him from the dozens of wounds Sasuke had inflicted. He wanted to be surprised when the dying body exploded into a cloud of crows, flying upward and dissolving, letting Sasuke know that no, it wouldn’t be that easy. A shadow clone. Of course. “Come to the Uchiha’s hideout alone. We’ll end this there.” Itachi’s voice faded away as Sasuke watched the last of the crows dissolve into the dank air of the cave.

A small part of him was infuriated that he’d believed for even a split second that he could end it so swiftly, but another, darker part of him was looking forward to a real battle, something to challenge him and strengthen him than much more, a battle that he would win, he was sure, but something that he could feel satisfied with, something like…no, don’t think of Naruto here. There’s no point in that. I may not have killed him, but that day…in the Valley of the End, I turned forever from the path of someone who could live such a simple life and take joy in such a worthy companion. It’s better this way. Naruto’s safe from me, and from Itachi if I leave that part of me behind. I’d rather be alone the rest of my life than face that decision again. Briefly, he allowed himself the private pleasure of reminiscing, as he rarely did lest he lose the strength of his resolve to sever all his old ties and live only for the death of Itachi, and he saw a familiar face in his mind. Somehow, when he thought of Naruto, he always saw him as he had been before Sasuke had abandoned the Leaf. Younger, shorter, his face slightly rounder, the overwhelming strength of a smile that had not been crushed by any of the pain he’d lived through, whiskered cheeks rising up so that his brilliantly blue eyes nearly disappeared in happy slits. Part of him would always wonder at Naruto’s ability to be cheerful and happy after living the way he had, an outcast, hated for circumstances entirely beyond his control, always striving to bring joy to everyone around him and to be recognized as someone worthy of them, winning the love of anyone whose life he touched.

That’s Naruto’s power. Not the power of the Kyuubi, the power of his heart. I wish I could forget him, but he’ll always haunt me, I think. Sasuke walked out of the cave as calmly as if he hadn’t just confronted his brother and nearly fulfilled his lifelong mission. What he never realized was that he doesn’t have to try to be worthy. No one I’ve ever known is worthy of him, but he embraces everyone he meets and finds goodness even in me. I wish I could see what he does, maybe then I would see a purpose beyond vengeance in my future. He wastes his energy trying to save me, when he’s so much greater. When I finally end this, maybe he’ll be able to gain everything he deserves. Staring at the sky momentarily, Sasuke sighed, shaking his head slightly as though trying to dislodge pointless thoughts of his past, of what could have been, of what might still be if he just lay down in the grass now, letting the sunlight soak into his skin, letting Naruto find him and take him back and this time staying. Forgetting Itachi, forgetting his pain, and letting the warmth fill him. It’s too late for that. I can never go back now. I made this choice when I left the Leaf and joined Orochimaru. Not even Naruto can save me now. Ignoring his regret, Sasuke leapt to the trees, moving with boundless speed toward the Uchiha hideout, wondering if it would be a trap that awaited him, and finding that he didn’t care, that he just wanted this chance to end it, and wondering vaguely at how little he cared if it ended with his death or Itachi’s.

----------

Naruto felt groggy and confused as he opened his eyes and saw Itachi standing before him, his unreadable expression fixed and his Mangekyou Sharingan swirling almost lazily. He could feel that he was tied to something, immobilized like he had been other times he had been drawn into Itachi’s illusions “Wh…what’s going on?” he remembered running into Itachi when he was trying to find Sasuke’s trail. He remembered discussing his bond with Sasuke, and then being trapped in the genjutsu. But hadn’t Itachi released it and left? He had said he had something to attend to, and Naruto had collapsed from the wear of being inside the illusions Itachi created, passing out, unable to stand or maintain the hundreds of kage bunshin he’d formed to help track his best friend, and too exhausted to even care at the moment.

“Did you think I would capture you and simply let you go?” Itachi did not grin. He never smiled, it seemed, but Naruto could sense that he found this situation to be endlessly amusing. “Honestly, just because I am a missing nin does not mean I haven’t the ability to accomplish a mission, whatever…ah, complications might arise.”

“You’re going to extract Kyuubi.” It wasn’t a question, just a statement. He knew what Akatsuki wanted from him, and he knew that in removing the Nine-tails, they would kill him. He was distantly surprised to realize that while he didn’t want to die, he was more upset that he’d lost his chance to meet Sasuke again than he was angry at letting himself be captured.

“Yes, once I have time, but the procedure can take days, and with someone as stubborn as you, I’m sure it will be endlessly tedious.” Itachi told him. “And I am in the middle of something just now, so I’ll have to postpone calling on my comrades until I have ended things with Sasuke once and for all. I tire of him following me, and I wish to draw things to a conclusion.”

“Sasuke?” even though Naruto knew he was in an almost hopeless situation, knowing his chronic inability to break out of genjutsu such as the one he was undoubtedly trapped in at the moment to make his physical body more manageable, he couldn’t quell the wave of happy excitement that broke over him to know that despite his own failings, he would have another chance to see Sasuke. And if Itachi was defeated…Sasuke killed Orochimaru, after all. He must be amazingly powerful to have done that. He’ll win for sure this time! It struck Naruto as funny that despite his desire to save his best friend, if things continued down the path he was on right now, it could end up the other way around, with Sasuke inadvertently saving him. If he does win, there would be nothing keeping him from returning to the Leaf anymore, and we could finally return! I might be able to fulfill my promise to Sakura-chan finally, though I never thought of it ending this way, definitely. His hope returned, and Naruto found himself thinking that maybe he could break the genjutsu on his own…maybe while Itachi was distracted with his brother, he could help Sasuke! Together, the two of them were sure to overpower Itachi. Happiness and relief filled him so completely and so swiftly at these thought that he found himself laughing, Itachi scowling at him in vague disapproval of his obvious lack of terror at the situation he was in.

“You find this funny?” Itachi asked, clearly prepared to start some serious mental torture if just knowing he was going to die, knowing that Sasuke was going to die as well, was not enough to break Naruto’s will down. He should be begging Itachi to spare his precious friend, not laughing in his face as though he thought the whole situation some great joke. “Maybe you’re happy you’ll be seeing your dear friend again in the afterlife?”

“Like you can defeat Sasuke!” Naruto was still smiling, unable to repress his joy. “He’ll kill you, and I’ll help him. And when we’re done, things can go back to how they were. I should thank you, I was trying to find Sasuke, and you’re making sure that not only will I meet him again, but that we’ll be able to return home finally.”

“Ridiculous,” Itachi felt rage build inside him, fuelled by the tiniest thread of doubt. What if Sasuke was able to destroy him? What if he had misjudged? No…Itachi had been careful. When he realized Sasuke might begin to be a threat to him, he had decided that as entertaining as his raging and futile attempts to gain vengeance had been, it was time to finish things. Sasuke had never been exemplary, like him. He was younger and weaker, and he always would be. Itachi had been amazingly strong when Sasuke was still a baby, and they had both grown stronger since then, but Sasuke could never in his wildest dreams hope to surpass the number one genius of the Uchiha family. But still…the nine-tails brat seemed so sure, so confident in him, Itachi couldn’t help feeling like he must crush that hope, to see both young ninja die in the depths of despair…now that would be something beautiful. “Neither you, nor my brother could ever hope to best me, even working together, I could easily defeat you both. You seem to have forgotten how easily I captured you, Naruto Uzumaki. And let me tell you a secret,” Itachi floated forward, master of this world of illusion, his face moving past Naruto’s as he whispered his next words into his victim’s ear. “That monster inside of you makes you more of a threat to me than Sasuke can ever hope to be in his wildest dreams. If I can capture you with so little effort, how do you expect your dear Sasuke to defeat me? If he were to reach his fullest potential, he would still never be as strong as you. And neither of you will ever be stronger than me.”

“You underestimate us, Itachi.” Naruto laughed again, but it sounded colder than before. “I’m not defeated yet. I can break out of this genjutsu if I try, and behind your bad-ass act, I think you know that if it came down to a hand-to-hand fight between us, I’d kick your ass in no time. I might have a hard time with genjutsu, but Sasuke doesn’t have any problem with it at all, since that’s one of his weapons. And if I’m really so much better than Sasuke, than how did he ever win when we sparred? You should know that strength doesn’t decide a fight. If it did, I’d have killed you the first time I met you. You’re such a joke. You can’t see past your ego and you’ll die thinking that it’s impossible for anyone to beat you.”

“You’re the joke, trying to intimidate me here, in my world, a world you know you can’t escape.” Itachi’s eyes were cold and cruel as he pulled back enough to see Naruto’s defiant glare. “Anyone with half a brain would know I’ve won, would know they can’t hope to escape me now. Your only hope would be to have some of those companions you put so much faith in come to rescue you. Maybe they could break you from this illusion and you could run away like you always do, but do you really think they’ll come?” Itachi floated back and figures materialized between them, Naruto’s companions, none of them even looking at their captured comrade, talking amongst themselves.

“Naruto’s missing,” Kiba told Sakura, who laughed, high and cold and cruel. “Should I try to locate him?”

“What for? Think how much better things are without him here!” She exclaimed.

“I tire of his obsession with the Uchiha,” Sai added, “he whines and complains until we come along with him, as though anyone in the Leaf will ever welcome that traitor back.

“It’s a pointless mission,” Yamato-sensei agreed. “Although, even with all that he has done, he will be missed much more than Naruto.”

“He was a burden on all of us, on the whole village.” Kakashi-sensei agreed, “It would have been better if we’d tossed that infant off a cliff, getting rid of that monster once and for all.”

“The only question is whether Kyuubi or Naruto himself was more of a monster.” Shino added in his typically emotionless tone.

“He hurts everyone he knows.” Hinata spoke up, sounded vaguely guilty to be voicing the words. “He tries to save them, but he c-can’t do anything good.”

“He’s cursed.” Sakura nodded sharply. “If it hadn’t been for him, Itachi would have never come to the Leaf, and Sasuke would still be happy.”

“He can’t help being such an idiot,” Sai explained, “but everything he does makes things worse.”

“He kills everything he touches.” Kiba noted, “Even his parents are dead, but he doesn’t miss them.”

“Monster.” Sakura said with hatred in her voice, and they began to dissolve into the air, “I’m glad he’s gone.”

“Why are you alive?” Naruto had been prepared for Itachi’s taunting and torture, and though it hurt to hear his friends say those things, he knew in his heart they wouldn’t think those things…surely they wouldn’t say those things…surely. But when he heard Sasuke’s voice, the tone cold, Naruto felt his body go stiff. He wanted to close his eyes so he wouldn’t have to face this thing, his greatest fear, his greatest doubt. However, even knowing it was an illusion, there was an inescapable hunger that Naruto felt deep inside to see that face, to drink in the sound of his voice, even if it was full of hate, even if it said everything that he feared it might. Knowing it was a false image had kept him from sinking into despair with the others…but this was his greatest weakness, he knew. Itachi clearly knew that as well. “I should have killed you in the Valley of the End, but I didn’t. Do you want to know why, Naruto?”

“No…” Naruto didn’t want to acknowledge that low moan had come from him, as though he could keep his strength if he refused to believe that what Itachi was doing was getting to him. He felt the prick of a kunai against his throat and knew that if he could turn from this cross he was bound to, he would see fathomless dark eyes set in a pale porcelain face framed with gleaming black hair. Sasuke.

“Itachi told me long ago that there was a way for me to beat him, a way for me to gain the Mangekyou Sharingan.” Sasuke’s breath was hot against the side of his face and he felt the rustle of his hair tickling against his cheek. He could even smell him…Naruto could feel his tensile grasp on the truth of this situation, of the logic behind what was really happening, slipping away as he felt his heart speed up, feeling a tightness in his chest and an irrepressible desire to hide as well as to turn and face him at the same time. Naruto knew logic was not his strong point, but what he did have fled in the face of this…this pain. This joy. This fear. “All I had to do was kill the most precious person in my life. I thought it was you, but it wasn’t. That is the true reason I left you alive. What was there to gain in killing you? Nothing. But if I let you live, Itachi would come for you, I knew that. You were my quickest and easiest path to finding him. That’s all you ever were to me, a tool to help me gain my vengeance. When I realized that, I saw that I hadn’t ever cared about you as a friend, as a person. You follow me, and Itachi follows you. If I want Itachi to come to me, this is the best way.” And then Sasuke suddenly was in front of Naruto, and for a moment, he almost remembered that this was an illusion, how else could he suddenly disappear and reappear like that? But he couldn’t hold onto his thoughts when he was faced with those eyes. Sasuke didn’t have his Sharingan activated. Otherwise, he was as Naruto had last seen him, still wearing that outfit that reminded Naruto forcibly that between the two of them, Sasuke had chosen Orochimaru. He’d chosen to die, to lose his soul, rather than believe in Naruto. Knowing that had always caused Naruto more pain than anything else. He wanted to believe that Sasuke had some great strategy, but deep in the corners of his heart, he feared that Sasuke would rather suffer a fate worse than death than go on being Naruto’s comrade. Why? How could he despise him so much? What had he done to anyone to make them turn him aside without fail, since he was only a child.

“After all,” Sasuke finished, his pale hand coming up to brush against Naruto’s whiskered cheek, “who could ever love a monster? Orochimaru’s practically an innocent when compared to that…thing inside you. You think that you aren’t the Kyuubi, but you’re wrong. You think that people can forgive you and care about you? That we can see you as a person? Everything you do makes me sick. You should have killed yourself when you found out the truth, to save the village from Kyuubi once and for all. But you can’t do it, can you? You pretend to care about everyone, you say you want to protect everyone and be the Hokage someday? You must be kidding. You’re just a selfish beast, and everyone you think of as a friend is just waiting for you to leave so that they can live in peace. You’ll never have your dream, Naruto, but at least you can give me my dream. That’s all you’re good for, it seems.”

Tears were pouring down his cheeks, he knew, but at those last words, Naruto smiled, and he felt a bit of himself return. “Good,” he chuckled weakly, uncaring about how silly and weak he must look to Sasuke. After all, no one knew him as well as this person, and if he couldn’t bare his soul and all his fears to him, than who could he ever share himself with, truly? “Even if I’ve been a burden to everyone, even if they despise me…even if you despise me, I’m happy knowing that I could help you get your wish. You’re my best friend, Sasuke, and even if I don’t mean anything to you or anyone else, I want to do anything I can to support you. That’s what it means to care about someone, I know.”

“Idiot!” Sasuke laughed long and hard and cruel. “You think that will make me care about you? Do you imagine this ending with you and me going back to the Leaf, great friends for the rest of our lives? If you even live to see how this ends, you’ll see that I have no interest in you past this. I could care less what you do with your life.”

“Then I’ll spend it next to you.” Naruto was still smiling, and Itachi flailed about desperately for something to make his Sasuke image say or do that would wipe that aggravating smile off the blonde’s face. “I’ll always be at your side if you need me.”

“There’s no room next to me, dobe.” Sasuke replied in a cold tone and Sakura materialized at his side. “I’ll be with her, because she’s always loved me, never looked twice at you, and I can have anything I want. It’s too bad, I know you wanted her, but I need someone to bear my children so I can continue the Uchiha line. Not that I care who…but it’s funny to see how jealous you’ll be, when nothing you could do could make her love something so filthy as you.” Then Sasuke and Sakura kissed, long and deep, and Itachi was satisfied a bit to see Naruto’s eyes narrow, his irises suddenly red, his pupils slitted. “She’s too good for you,” Sasuke laughed as he broke away. “But she means nothing to me. I’d let anyone have her, anyone at all, just to laugh at your pain. That’s how much I despise you.” And he evaporated, leaving the Sakura behind, her green eyes cold and full of hate as she laughed at Naruto.

“That was cold of him, wasn’t it?” Itachi appeared next to Naruto, so he could just make out his image at the corner of his eyes, and suddenly Sakura found herself tied as Naruto was tied to a stone cross of Itachi’s creation. “It was an interesting reaction from you, though.” And he floated over to the Sakura image and kissed her as well to add to Naruto’s anger. Without looking back at his victim, Itachi’s manifestation pulled out a kunai and cut open her clothes, letting the rags fall to the ground as he began molesting her, cutting her and groping her just to torture Naruto, waiting to hear him scream out to stop, making his Sakura cry out for help in the hopes that it would make things even worse for the Jinchuuriki.

“You’ve got her all wrong,” Naruto said suddenly, and Itachi froze, his kunai still forming a long slice across her abdomen. “I mean, I’ve spied on Sakura bathing probably more than anyone else, and that’s not what she looks like at all.” He turned to see the blonde watching him with very little concern. “She’s got a little mole right…up a little from your left hand, yeah, right there. And her boobs are way bigger than that. She straps them down so they don’t get in the way when she fights. Honestly, she’d be pissed if she could see how much you messed it up.” Itachi was furious, but he refused to let the anger get the better of him. He thought over the situation and suddenly, he realized something.

“So that’s how it is.” Sakura disappeared, and so did Itachi, and suddenly Sasuke was back, his face inches from Naruto’s. “This whole time, I thought you loved her, that you wanted her more than anything…but that’s not true, is it?” Sasuke smiled wickedly, his hand trailing up the front of Naruto’s jacket, and slowly unzipping the front, his fingers moving slowly. “All this time, you wanted to be with me. You say that I’m like a brother to you…but even brother’s will give up after what I’ve done to you. There’s something you want from me, isn’t there?” and his hand found the front of Naruto’s pants, causing the other boy to yelp in surprise as he squeezed the semi-hard heat centered between his legs. “I should have expected…” and he leaned in, his lips brushing against Naruto’s lightly, and even through his shock and horror at the sudden realization that he was aroused by this, Naruto couldn’t stop the sudden desire that flooded through him at the intimate contact. He leaned in, eyes drooping closed, and just as he did, the soft lips pulled away, and when he opened his eyes, still shocked at this truth that Naruto had never even suspected in himself, he was horrified to see that he was not looking at Sasuke, but at Itachi, who was laughing, openly laughing. It was bizarre; some part of Naruto had never thought him capable of such an act, but here was Itachi Uchiha, laughing uncontrollably as though he had just reached the punch line of the world’s greatest joke. Naruto felt like an idiot, as he realized that he had just unwittingly handed Itachi a horribly powerful weapon, and he wished he could, for once, have hidden his feelings. After all, if he really…thought things like that about Sasuke, then why had he never realized it before? Was this just one of Itachi’s tricks? Had he forced Naruto to feel that way? Could genjutsu do that? He didn’t know, but he felt a panicky confusion building up in him. Why…why did he think things like that about Sasuke? What was wrong with him? Sasuke wasn’t a girl, Sasuke was his friend, and it was wrong, just wrong to want to kiss him, to think of him like that was…wrong. Naruto could feel something in him breaking, could feel himself giving in to the genjutsu fully, could tell that Itachi had completely subjugated him, and he couldn’t make himself care. All he could think of was how if this was really how he felt, then everyone was right when they called him a monster. Why else would he do something like that to Sasuke?

“N-no.” he whimpered lightly and Itachi regained his composure, reeling in joy at having won this battle at last with such an unexpected weapon.

“My brother is a very beautiful man,” Itachi couldn’t stop himself from grinding his heel in deeper now that he had Naruto almost completely crushed. “It’s natural that you should desire him. I look very much like him. Do you want me as well?” and Itachi leaned in again to kiss Naruto who took a moment to register what was happening before he tried to move his head away, but Itachi clung to the sides of his face with cold, hard fingers, and instead of getting away from the unwanted kiss, he found his mouth being forced open by a horrible, slimy tongue. He tried to bite it, but it slipped away from his teeth, and Itachi retaliated by biting his lower lip so hard that it bled, the coppery taste filling his mouth as his eyes blurred with tears at the sudden pain and at the horror of the situation he was in.

“Let me see,” Itachi had his hand down Naruto’s pants, and the blonde boy was horrified to realize that he was responding to the touch, his length growing hard and hot under Itachi’s fingers, “it seems that any Uchiha at all is enough to spur you on. I’ve heard that animals will rut with anything at all, and I see that it’s true for you as well.” Suddenly Naruto found himself no longer bound to the stone cross, but crushed under Itachi’s body, in a cold, dark cave. Disoriented by the sudden change, Naruto almost forgot to attempt to escape, but found that his arms were painfully bound behind his back with what must have been chakra ropes, as he could not break them, no matter how he struggled, and he found himself unable to fight, unable to concentrate on anything other than disgust at his own response to the touches and caresses. “It’s dark, isn’t it?” Itachi asked, slicing through Naruto’s pants carelessly enough that he left a painful gash down his right thigh. “In here, it could be either one of us, and you wouldn’t know.” There was a rustling, and Naruto’s mind couldn’t figure out what it was until he felt a naked thigh brush against his own leg before he was flipped over so swiftly and roughly that he was sure he’d have scrapes and bruises all over his face and chest, but nothing as painful as the feeling of his still-hard length being slammed against the wet stone ground. He thought he could hear someone crying, and he wondered who it was, completely unable to comprehend that it was his own voice, so senseless was he at that point. Was this still the genjutsu? It had to be. There was no way Itachi’s hands could make him hard like that in real life. Surely…

“It will be interesting to see whose name you scream when you finish, won’t it?” Itachi’s icy fingers pulled Naruto’s hips upward so that his naked ass was exposed and raised into the air, but he didn’t fully understand what was going to happen even when he felt a pain like having a knife rammed into him, splitting him in two. Naruto thought dully that Itachi was sodomizing him with a kunai before he realized that it was hot, and round, and while it hurt in a way he’d never felt before, and he knew dimly that he was bleeding from the slick, horrible feeling of it, he could hear Itachi grunting, he could feel his icy fingers clutching his hips, and could feel a body slamming against his. And with a realization made sluggish by the shock of what had happened with the Sasuke-image, by his own disgust with his feelings for his best friend, real or illusionary, Naruto realized that was not a kunai, and realized that he knew what it was, and could see in his mind’s eye what was happening to him, and despite his revulsion and horror at what was happening, he knew that he was still hard, still achingly hard. Some part of him must be enjoying this, some part of him loved that feeling, and didn’t care whether it was Sasuke or Itachi giving it to him. He felt completely numbed to what was going on. This had to be an illusion, nothing real could feel so unreal. He realized with a detached sort of horror that there was a hot feeling building up in his stomach, and before he could stop it, he felt his orgasm, felt Itachi continue to pound into him, heard himself sobbing brokenly as if from a great distance, and then suddenly, overwhelmed, he passed out completely as Itachi went on, not at all concerned with whether his partner was awake or not, whether he was dead or alive, continuing to ram into the unbelievable tightness until he finally reached his own climax, squirting into Naruto and sighing contentedly as he pulled out and rubbed his length, milking out the last of his juices onto the still form that had fallen down as soon as he released his grip. Itachi rarely found so much satisfaction in breaking a victim, but there was something so sweet about destroying the joy of someone so persistently full of cheer. To rape him in the real world had been a great risk, as Naruto was unbelievably powerful, and if he hadn’t been so completely terrified, Itachi was sure he would have broken his bonds and possibly even escaped, but this way…this way he knew that for the rest of his short life, Naruto would be completely traumatized, broken beyond hope of any repair.

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“Oi!” Naruto felt like his head was full of cotton, and it was impossible for him to concentrate on anything at all. “Oi! Brat, wake up!” Feeling horribly groggy, Naruto forced eyes open the faintest bit, and saw that he was inside of himself, at that part of him where the Kyuubi was trapped behind an impassable cage sealed tight. It took him a while to connect the pieces and realize that was the voice he was hearing. “Wake up for fuck’s sake!”

“Nngh…” Naruto let his eyes droop closed again, wanting just to sleep, to sink away into nothingness.

“Dammit! Wake the hell up, you idiot!” Kyuubi was not giving up, and Naruto thought maybe he had something important to say, so he forced himself to open his eyes, to sit up, but somehow, he found he was too weak to stand. “Finally! I’ve been yelling at you for ages! I’d rip you apart if I weren’t trapped in here.”

“What is it? I’m tired.” Naruto grumbled in annoyance.

“No shit! You’ve been here for ages!” Kyuubi was clearly aggravated. “When you first got here I thought, ‘finally, he’s going to release me to get him out of his biggest fuck-up yet,’ but no, you just fall over like you’re dead. I would have thought you were, except then I wouldn’t be trapped in this fucking cage.”

“Is there a point here?” Naruto asked, trying to ignore the weird niggling sensation in the back of his fuzzy mind that there was a reason he was hidden deep inside his mind instead of awake. He felt for some reason that he shouldn’t try to remember what had happened.

“Point is, you got fucking captured by some crazy fuck who raped you bloody!” Kyuubi growled in obvious frustration, not the least bit concerned what this knowledge might do to his container’s fragile emotional state. “First, like a damn idiot, you get trapped in his fucking genjutsu, then he releases it, and I thought for sure, you’d call on me, or even just kick his ass on your own, ‘cause without his weirdo eye tricks he’s not really that tough, but no, you lay there like a bitch in heat and let him completely own you. Now what will your precious Uchiha think of you when he finds out how his brother used you? You are the most pathetic excuse for a ninja ever. Why I have to be trapped in such an idiot is beyond me. Next time you get a chance like that let me out, see? Then I’ll rip his perverted ass to shreds, and we can have some real fun!”

“I…what?” Naruto felt like he was going to pass out again. His ears were buzzing, his vision was going white, and he felt numb all over. “He…what happened?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you any plainer? He fucking bent you over and made you his bitch!” Kyuubi growled angrily. “He stuck his dick in your—“

“Okay, okay!” Naruto regained himself enough to stop a more graphic explanation. “I know what it means! I’m not a kid!” But he could feel the tears coming, here, where he hated to show his vulnerabilities most, which was funny, really, because when it came down to it, no one knew him better than Kyuubi, except maybe… “Oh…no...”

“What’s your problem now?” Kyuubi affected disinterest.

“I…I kissed Sasuke! On purpose!” Naruto was overwhelmed with all that happened to him, all he had done, all that had been done to him, and felt himself keel over onto his hands and knees, vomiting forcefully, but of course, nothing was real here, and nothing came out. That didn’t stop him from heaving and retching.

“I don’t see why you’re getting sick if you liked it so much.” Kyuubi settled back on his haunches. “Wait till he finds out what happened with you and his brother! That should be interesting!”

“I don’t want Sasuke to ever know that!” Naruto yelled furiously, finding the strength in him to stand, pointing angrily at Kyuubi. “Don’t you tell him! Don’t you ever tell him!”

“How the hell am I going to tell him anyway!?” Kyuubi laughed at him, a horrible, grating sound that Naruto was so used to that it didn’t hurt his ears or even sound that evil to him anymore. “Were you planning to release me? Cause if you were, I can tell you my last fucking concern is if your boyfriend knows you’ve been letting his brother fuck you silly. I’m not really worried about your crazy shit love life, brat.”

“Just…just don’t!” Naruto fell backwards, sitting down hard and letting his hands scrub furiously at eyes that refused to stay dry. “If he knew…if he knew…and he’s not my boyfriend, you pervert!”

“You’re the one who likes kissing him so much!” Kyuubi laughed again. “Do you think everyone wants to rip their best friend’s clothes off and ram it into—“

“I don’t want that! Don’t fucking say that!” Naruto covered his ears, terrified. “It was the genjutsu! He made me do it! I don’t want…I don’t!”

“He can’t make you get turned on like that just with genjutsu, idiot!” Kyuubi was clearly disgusted and had no patience for Naruto’s sense of denial. “He used his hands for that, remember?”

“Stop talking about it!” Naruto screamed, and part of him realized how much he sounded like a child, but he didn’t care enough to control himself. “It never…it never happened!”

“Yeah, then why’s your ass so fucking sore?” Kyuubi taunted. “You’ll know when you wake up, he fucked you hard. You were screaming the whole time, too! Crying like a bitch, but you still got off, didn’t you!?”

“I…I hate you.” Naruto wanted to yell and scream and rage, but he felt all the fight drain from him. “I…what’s wrong with me?”

“You’re an idiot, and you’re weak.” Kyuubi answered, but Naruto wasn’t listening anymore. He slumped over again, and closed his eyes, crying silently as he sunk deeper into his consciousness. “Yeah, fine, just fucking sleep until it goes away. Like that works. Fucking idiot.”

----------

Sasuke was feeling impatient and paranoid and very anxious. He had been at the Uchiha hideout for two days, and he knew that it wouldn’t be long before the rest of Hebi located him. It wasn’t as if he’d gone out of his way to conceal his trail. For that matter, if the teams from Konoha were still looking for him, they would eventually be able to make their way through all the false trails and pinpoint his current location. He hated sitting here, waiting on Itachi. He felt young and foolish and was beginning to believe that Itachi was never going to come here, and this was all his idea of a hilarious joke. Another part of him couldn’t help but admire Itachi’s strategy, forcing him to come to this place alone, and then making him wait for days. Itachi was probably enjoying rest and building up his energy, while Sasuke stayed awake at all hours, sure that if he fell asleep, he’d never wake up again.

Alone, truly alone, for the first time in what seemed like forever, as he’d never really felt like he was free from surveillance while staying with Orochimaru, and with Hebi there was constantly company as well, Sasuke felt his thoughts wander freely. He thought of Itachi, and of finally killing him. He thought of how he would feel killing someone who had once been the center of his universe, and he realized that in some ways, Itachi was still the center of his world. Everything he did, every moment he spent training, every skill he learned, and every plan he formed was all to one end. Killing Itachi.

When he realized how single-minded he truly was, Sasuke felt himself consider what his life would be like once Itachi was dead. He had never before let himself think about what he would do after completing that task. He had no other goals, no other dreams that he could easily think of taking the place of his mission to kill his brother once he succeeded.

Part of me never thought I’d be strong enough, he realized. I tell people that it’s my goal, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly believed I could surpass his level. I’ve always looked up to him, and wanted to be as strong as him, from before the massacre. It’s hard to think that I could stand a chance of living through this.

Maybe he would die, and then there’d really be nothing to think about, obviously. But if he did succeed…if he killed Itachi, what then? Where would he go, what would he do? He let his eyes close, and he could see himself, not a younger Sasuke, but himself as he was today, standing alone, not on a road, with no one and nothing around him, nothing but flat, featureless land for miles around. No direction to go, nothing appealed to him. Should he stay here, and see if something happened, or should he go in search of his own destiny. Breathing deeply, he felt himself tugged slightly in one direction and let his feet start moving forward, slowly at first, but then he was running, feeling as though there was something, something that would give his life meaning in this direction, something other than the death of his brother. There had to be something beyond that.

He could hear something, tantalizingly close, but he couldn’t see the source. It sounded like talking, or laughing, or…he wasn’t sure. He kept moving, noticing as the featureless land gained definition, and suddenly he was in a forest. There was something past these trees, he knew, the same way he knew his name. It just was.

He heard laughter, weird and alien and alarmingly nearby, and he was looking about in alarm for the source, thinking he’d passed by his goal when it sounded again and he realized he was laughing. Really laughing, as he hadn’t done since he’d left Konoha. Feeling the joy that was growing within him bursting out of his lips, Sasuke felt he couldn’t stop this wave of happiness, and found he didn’t care if someone heard, or saw him and thought he was crazy or weird or silly. Because when he got there, it wouldn’t matter. He wouldn’t be judged, he would be complete.

Suddenly, a high, girlish giggle sounded, and he heard a familiar voice talking, but couldn’t make out the words, and couldn’t recognize it. He felt sure he should know who this was, where he was headed, but it felt like it was a memory from a lifetime ago. And then he heard another voice, younger than the first, but more masculine than the laughter, and he knew without having to think, who that was, and suddenly, he leapt through the trees in front of him, his heart racing as he landed so hard his knees almost buckled, and he saw he was in front of a massive locked gate. He knew these gates, but in his memory, they were always open, and these were closed tight.

Konoha. And he was a missing nin. He couldn’t go back there, not now. They’d have him killed before they’d accept him back, he was sure. Part of him wanted to cry out at the cruelty of this dream. Why should his mind tell him to go here when it knew he wasn’t allowed? It was off limits. Sasuke turned to go back the way he’d come, feeling idiotic for having let himself feel such a sense of hope. There was no hope for someone like him. Once he killed Itachi…there was nothing else for him in this world but to wait for the next.

“Hey! You’re late!” the voice froze Sasuke mid-step, and he turned to see a figure emerge from the small gatehouse door next to the massive doors that stood locked tight. As soon as he’d heard that voice, he knew the face it belonged to. It was a voice he heard more than any others when he slept, when he couldn’t force down ‘pointless’ memories. It was a voice that, to him, meant home, in a way that Itachi’s and even his parents’ voices had never fully done. Maybe because in those days he’d never thought of the possibility of not having a home. These days…

“Naruto.” He realized with some amount of embarrassment that the way he said the name, the way he must be staring at the other young man had to make it obvious that he had missed him more than anything else about the village he had grown up in. After the massacre, nothing had ever really mattered to Sasuke besides revenge. That changed when he was put on a three-man team with Naruto Uzumaki.

“Finally, Sasuke!” Naruto did not seem fazed by the sorrow in Sasuke’s tone, or the greed, the hunger for something he had been missing for what seemed like forever. “Even Kakashi-sensei was here before you!”

“He’s here?” Sakura appeared out of nowhere then, and ran up to Sasuke, hugging him excitedly and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Sasuke-kun, are you okay? I was worried, you’re never late!”

“Hey, get off him!” Naruto ordered her teasingly and the two got into a brief tussle. Sasuke watched them with amazed happiness. He never thought he’d be happy to see Sakura, but he found…she was a friend to him. Not as dear to him as Naruto, but someone he missed. Odd. Then there was a hand on his shoulder, and he knew without having to look it would be Kakashi-sensei. Part of him felt foolish, but he could feel the stinging prick of tears in his eyes. He wouldn’t cry, of course. He never cried, not since…that day. But it was…so good to see them all, and he knew that if he lived, if he had the chance, he would want to return to the Leaf. That’s what his heart longed for most of all, he knew, as amazing as it seemed that he could feel such nostalgic sentiment, it was true.

“Naruto was unbearable when you left.” Kakashi’s tone was calm and cool as usual. “Did you really think he’d rest until you returned?”

“I…but I can’t come back now.” Sasuke voiced his fears, and suddenly Sakura and Naruto halted their play fight, looking at him with concern.

“Is there somewhere you need to go?” Sakura asked, her hands clasped over her heart. “We can go with you if you like.”

“Let’s go on a mission, like old times!” Naruto exclaimed excitedly. “Team Seven, the elite ninjas of Konoha! One day, the Sannin will be like a footnote compared to us!”

“Naruto, spirited as ever…” Kakashi smiled brightly as he punched the air in exuberance.

“No…it’s not that.” Sasuke felt he was being torn in half with this pain, but he had to be honest with them, with himself. “I’m a missing nin. I left to join Orochimaru. They’ll never let me come back to Konoha.”

“Stupid,” Naruto snorted and pointed to the gates that were slowly opening. “If you want something, you don’t give up just because it’s hard. You fight for it until you have it in your hands! That’s my way of the ninja!”

“Come home, Sasuke.” Sakura beckoned him, and he felt fingers envelop his left hand, but it wasn’t her hand, it was Naruto pulling him forward. “Come back to us.” And then everything went white, and Sasuke felt a sharp pain on his forehead.

“Shit.” Sasuke felt extremely stupid when he realized he’d fallen asleep, but then he realized that a sound had awakened him. Fully alert now that the situation was at hand, Sasuke activated his Sharingan to locate the disturbance, and found what he was looking for almost at once. Frozen by his sudden return to consciousness, Itachi stood just outside the room Sasuke was waiting in, on the other side of the wall. “You’re late, Itachi. I’ve been waiting for days.”

“Sorry to keep you waiting, brother.” Itachi entered the room smoothly as if he hadn’t just hidden from his half-asleep brother. “Something important came up, and I found that I had to delay our visit.”

“Always putting family second to your own selfish concerns, I see.” Sasuke stood smoothly as if he hadn’t been sleeping only moments ago. “No matter. Let’s get this over with.”

“Yes, I have put this off long enough, allowing you to gain what strength you could,” Itachi’s tone was bored. “But you will never be better than me, it turns out. You see, Sasuke, hatred isn’t really giving you strength. It just fills you with anger, and your anger makes you take foolish risks. That is why you can never win against me, no matter how strong you become. Your Sharingan will never be as powerful as mine, and because of that, you will never be able to defeat me with genjutsu either. It’s sad to see, honestly, the way you keep striving for an impossible goal.”

“Impossible?” Sasuke laughed then, as though Itachi had told a great joke. “The only thing that is impossible between us is that you will find—“ and though he didn’t move, Itachi knew, he had his Sharingan locked on the younger man, a horrible sharp pain cut into his eyes as though…as though…

“It’s impossible to defeat someone with your ‘superior genjutsu’ if your eyes are disabled, isn’t it, brother?” this was Sasuke’s voice, but it was behind him, and there was a hand on his shoulder, but the other Sasuke hadn’t moved! How…how could this be? Itachi tried to open his eyes despite the pain, but he saw nothing. Nothing! Even in the darkest corners, his Sharingan had never failed to spot everything.

“What…what did you…” but Itachi reached upward, and when he felt the sticky wetness pouring from his eyes like thick tears, he knew what had happened. He had felt the slice of metal against his eyes, but he hadn’t wanted to believe he could be disarmed so completely, so swiftly, so easily.

“Did you think I wouldn’t put some clones around to keep me safe in case I drifted off waiting for you here? I had them come in first, to see if this was a trap. It wasn’t.” This was coming from the first Sasuke, Itachi knew that must be the real one. Two others held his arms immobile as the one in front of him walked forward, as best Itachi could tell from his other senses. “And I knew all along your Sharingan was more powerful. Was it worth it, Itachi? Was it worth killing your most important person? When I was a child, I idolized you, but what I didn’t realize was that you are a selfish, petty child. You killed your best friend. You killed your entire family, everyone but me. For years…I wondered why. Why leave me? Why tell me that I should become stronger, feed off my hatred and anger, and someday avenge our family. I could never decide whether you regretted what you’d done and truly wanted to atone for your sins, or if you simply took pleasure in my misery because you were a sick bastard. But I had a chance to do what you’d done. Not as completely, obviously, but I had an opportunity to kill the person that most matters to me. He was nearly dead, it would have been so easy to finish him off. Do you know why I spared him?”

“Because you’re too weak to seek true power.” Itachi wanted Sasuke to keep talking. He had a plan to win, but he needed a minute or two to prepare if he didn’t want to be noticed.

“No.” Sasuke answered, and Itachi found a part of him was curious. Clearly he wasn’t joking about having this ‘chance.’ The question plagued Naruto, he knew that well enough to know that Sasuke certainly did choose to leave Naruto alive for his own reasons. “Because I realized that there’s a difference between you and I. You think that you became stronger that day, but I know that at the Valley of the End, when I turned away from the path you had shown me, I grew stronger than you ever would be, but in a way you’ll never understand. To you, there’s nothing greater than gaining power by any means, by gaining more powerful techniques, by sacrificing everything you care about for that one goal. I used to think you were right. But Naruto taught me there are more important things than having endless amounts of power. He has more power…more chakra than anyone I’ve ever known. More than you and me and Orochimaru combined. He can’t really control it, but it’s there when he needs it. If you were right about what mattered, he would have nothing to worry about, his life would be perfect. But he’s suffered…endlessly, at the hands of everyone he’s ever known…even at my hands. But no matter what he has to go through, he always comes out on top, and it has nothing to do with his power. He has something you’ll never have, something you could never understand, and something that might have saved you from coming to this end.”

“What’s that?” Itachi asked, ready for Sasuke to strike. He was prepared for escape, and if he was lucky, he’d kill his arrogant little brother for the damage he’d done to his precious eyes.

“A heart.” Sasuke answered, and he lunged forward, Itachi could feel he had seconds to act, and he performed the final hand seal, and Sasuke found his kunai imbedded three inches into a log.

“Even like this, you couldn’t win, Sasuke.” Itachi had to struggle to keep from laughing at the triumph of it all as he plunged his own kunai into the startled ninja’s back, pleased at the accuracy of his hearing. “Though I will praise you on the opening move. Ingenious, I must say, even though some might see it as cheating.”

“And a replacement jutsu is straightforward fighting?” Itachi swiveled his head in a panic as the body he held disappeared in a puff of smoke. He had assumed Sasuke would leave the killing blow for his true self, not a clone, but he found his little brother was full of surprises. “Honestly, I’m disappointed in you, Itachi. I think I over-prepared for this. What a waste of years of training.”

Not knowing for sure where Sasuke was, Itachi performed a replacement jutsu as hurriedly as he could, because he knew that the other Uchiha must be moving toward him to make the killing blow any moment, and without his eyes, he found himself feeling strangely helpless, desperate, and weak. It was too ambitious to think he could kill Sasuke swiftly before leaving with this serious of an injury. He’d leave, recover, and next time he met Sasuke, the other wouldn’t know he was there until it was too late.

Where am I? Itachi knew he was outside the compound, but he had little hope of knowing where he was more exactly than that without his vision. He concentrated on trying to locate Naruto’s chakra signature, because his prisoner was hidden in a deep cave that was surrounded in complex wards keeping the Jinchuuriki in, even if he woke from his near comatose state, and keeping anyone but himself out. He’d spent the last two days preparing it in case something went wrong. He was glad he’d had the foresight to do that, though he’d been more concerned Naruto would break out of the chakra bonds that held him and escape, or that one of his teammates would locate him, then try to rescue him and cause Itachi a lot of annoying hassle recapturing the Jinchuuriki he’d been tracking so long. Locating the faint signature at last, Itachi moved as stealthily as a blinded ninja could manage in that direction.

It seemed as though it took ages to find the cave, and Itachi couldn’t wait to get inside and summon one of Pain’s medic nin to come and fix his eyes so he could put this whole troublesome debacle behind him. At the entrance, he hesitated a moment, trying to sense if he’d been followed, but he didn’t sense anyone in the immediate vicinity besides his prisoner. He was exhausted, he was annoyed, and his eyes felt like they were on fire. Disarming his wards, Itachi entered and then quickly reactivated them. There, he knew now that even if Sasuke found his trail, it would be impossible for him to enter.

Performing a familiar set of seals, Itachi summoned Pain’s image. Not that he could see it. But Pain saw him clearly, from the vaguely surprised noise he made upon appearing. “Itachi,” his leader did not sound concerned, just curious. “Who was able to do such a thing to you?”

“Never mind that,” Itachi hated to think of losing, to think that what had just happened was, technically, a loss, seemed impossible to him. It wasn’t over, of that he was positive. “I have captured the Kyuubi, but I require a medic nin before I will be able to assist in the extraction.”

“That seems reasonable. Is he well restrained?” Pain asked. “I would hate for you to let him escape in your…ah, state.”

“He’s secure, do not trouble yourself over that.” Itachi tried to keep the temper out of his tone. “How long before a medic can be here?”

“In the circumstances, speed is of the essence. I do not want to lose this Jinchuuriki” Pain answered. “Expect someone in three days. Perhaps sooner.” Silence followed, and Itachi knew the image had dissolved. He felt his way to where Naruto was bound, and let his fingers tell him what his eyes could not. The chakra ropes were secure, his breathing was normal, and his eyes were shut fast. Either he was feigning sleep, or he was still in his self-induced state of hibernation. Good.

Itachi was full of rage, and he was sad that with his eyes in such a state, there was no way to trap Naruto in the world of illusion. No matter. There were more ways to get what he wanted, but first, to do something about the bleeding. He felt around him for a bit and located the scraps of the pants he had cut off the sleeping young man during their…encounter, and fumbled with them until he located what his memory told him would be located on one of the legs. A long strip of white cloth that Naruto liked to keep spare weapons in, wrapped around the pants firmly enough to stay secure even when the article of clothing was discarded. Working with deft fingers, he unwrapped this strip of cloth and formed a serviceable binding around his eyes, making sure there was enough pressure to stop the bleeding, but not so much that he would cause more damage. For one horrifying moment, he wondered if this wound would rob him of the Sharingan forever, but he shoved it aside, cutting the long tail of cloth remaining and using it to clumsily blindfold Naruto. It was dark in here, but he couldn’t conceive of letting his victim see him in this state, not least of all because it might encourage him to make an escape attempt.

“Time to wake up, Uzumaki.” Itachi felt a sharp sense of pleasure as he dealt the unconscious man a sharp blow to the side of his face. At first, there was no response, but after Itachi slapped him a few more times, the blonde began to squirm and make confused noises as he clearly found himself, still bound, half naked, freezing, and now blindfolded. From the smells and sounds, Naruto hazily deduced he was still in that horrible cave and tried not to think of what might happen now. “Hey, you’ve been asleep long enough, it’s time for you to work.”

“W…what?” Naruto’s voice was thick with panic, and Itachi found that to be most satisfying. Whatever took place at the Uchiha hideout, he still had power. Without even using his favorite weapon, Itachi found he could control someone, and that was wonderful to him. “What’s going on?” the tremor in his voice spoke heavily of fear, and Itachi could feel himself getting excited already at the thought of dominating the boy again. He felt a twinge of alarm and dismissed it. There was nothing wrong with what he was doing. This was just another way to dominate his prey.

“I think you know, Naruto.” Itachi told him, reaching over to stroke his cheek, letting a small laugh bubble up at the way the boy trembled. He was terrified! This was too good to pass up, and Itachi spoke sharply. “Here you are,” he helped the immobilized boy to his knees and stood up, opening his pants and letting his semi-hard dick slap lightly against his whiskered cheek. “Now open up like a good boy and maybe I’ll let you live a little longer.”

Silence greeted him. Assuming that he had complied with the order, Itachi moved his member and was a bit surprised to find the lips firmly shut. “Did you not hear me, Kyuubi?”

“My name,” came the gritted reply, “is Naruto. And if you stick that thing in my mouth, you better say goodbye to it right now, cause I’m going to bite it right off.”

“Still resistant?” Itachi found he was vaguely surprised, but he still felt confident that if Naruto wasn’t completely destroyed yet, it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge. “That’s fine. I was being nice, you know. I’m sure your ass is still sore as hell, but if you’d rather I put it in there, I will.” He heard something muttered so low it sounded more growl than anything else, and he kicked the blonde down to the ground, holding down his anger as best he could, sitting so that he was straddling his prisoner’s hips, his hands going to the other man’s throat where he held on, just as a warning of how easily he could choke the life out of him.

“What was that? I didn’t hear you.” He hissed, trying not to grind his teeth in rage.

“I said, I’m going to kill you.” Naruto repeated, and with a detached sense of alarm, Itachi noticed that it felt as though there was someone else in the cave. Was this the power of Kyuubi?

“And I said I’m going to fuck you,” Itachi shifted, lifting Naruto’s legs up farther and swifter than could possibly be comfortable and fumbled a brief moment before he found what he was seeking and plunged himself into the still-tight hole, feeling Naruto’s body tense at the pain of the sudden invasion. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it, Uzumaki. You’re already getting hard.” Itachi’s hand was working his length already, and it was half-hard under his fingers. “If you want, you can call me Sasuke.”

“You…I’m going…” Naruto sounded as though his voice was somehow muffled, and it struck Itachi as odd, but he supposed it might be hard for him to breathe in this position. Then there was an odd snapping noise that he couldn’t identify, and from the entrance of the cave, Itachi heard a horribly familiar voice cry out in shock.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Sasuke’s voice was probably the most terrifying sound Itachi could ever remember hearing, and he froze, his shaft still lodged deep in Naruto.

Several things happened at once.

The snapping noise, Itachi learned to his immediate detriment, had been Naruto breaking the chakra ropes, and now that he was free, his hands clawed from the amount of Kyuubi’s chakra he was allowing to leak to the surface, his teeth having lengthened into fangs, he pushed up with his arms and flipped their positions, not even registering the tearing sensation of having Itachi’s member forcibly evicted from it’s erstwhile location. He immediately allowed murderous instinct to take over and clamped his clawed hands over Itachi’s throat, hoping that the claws were really, really hurting him as he throttled the other man.

Sasuke, upon seeing what appeared, most accurately, to be Itachi having his way with a bound and unwilling Naruto, immediately lost whatever semblance of calm calculating battle logic he possessed, and let out an inhuman yell of rage, pulling out two kunai and running in without feeling the need to do any further analysis of the situation except for the analysis of where it would hurt most for him to stab on the immobilized man.

Itachi had time to think that the twinge of alarm he’d felt before had been Sasuke encountering his wards and attempting to break them. Clearly, that third presence had been, again, Sasuke. Itachi briefly thought that he was having a very bad day before his world went black.

It was over almost as quickly as it had started. Well, it was over in the sense that Itachi was dead. Naruto felt him die, and as his blood cooled slightly, he was shoved aside, and he finally removed his blindfold, noticing that Sasuke was growling incoherently and stabbing Itachi repeatedly, and, Naruto noted in a detached way, rather pointlessly. It struck him then that Sasuke was probably annoyed that Naruto had killed Itachi before he got the chance, and he was about to apologize when he tore the bindings off his ankles and noted with a small trace of steadily growing alarm that he had no pants on. Then he suddenly backtracked to what had been happening when he heard Sasuke enter the cave and realized with a dawning sense of horror that he had seen, and it didn’t matter if no one said anything, because Sasuke knew what had happened, and Naruto could imagine how disgusted he must be, how utterly he must now despise the young man who had once been his best friend. And he had to get away. He didn’t know anything but that. He had to get away. Now.

He fled, cursing the difficulty of running when someone had all too recently been abusing certain parts of your body that didn’t really seem that necessary to moving until you tried to do it when those parts of your body were torn and bleeding and hurt very badly.

It doesn’t matter. I can get away, and by morning Kyuubi will heal it, and I can try to…try to forget this ever happened. He felt tears sliding down his cheeks and knew that he was sad to have lost the chance to be with Sasuke now that Itachi was finally dead. At least that time…I fought back. If he knew about the first time…if he knew what kind of person I was…

But it was already too late. Realizing how silly he must look running around in a forest with no pants on, Naruto did a transformation jutsu, but transformed into himself. Except with pants on, of course. And shoes. Much better. He knew that this would not be a sensible solution for most ninja, but most ninja didn’t have the amount of chakra he did.

Where should I go? He realized suddenly that of course, now that everything was over, Sasuke was sure to return to Konoha, where they would praise him for killing a top member of Akatsuki as well as Orochimaru himself and welcome him back with open arms. That’s good…maybe he can even settle down with…someone and start to restore his clan. But if he goes there…I can’t. I can’t go back. He’ll tell everyone, and they’ll find out…all of it. It was hard enough before. But now…I can’t go back. Ever. Naruto could feel his old dreams of being Hokage slipping through his fingers, and he knew that was what some of his tears were for. That had always been his dream, his goal. It was impossible now. What would he do? I bet Sasuke’s thinking the same thing, now that Itachi’s dead.

Trying to think of what he could do, Naruto’s mind lit upon an idea. Gaara. I can go to stay in Suna. Maybe…maybe I can even get Tsunade’s permission to be an official Hidden Sand ninja. If I can’t be Hokage, if I can’t ever return to Konoha, I think I’d like to live there. Gaara told me I would always be welcome…hopefully he doesn’t find out about…about that. His panicked mind thought of how easy it would be for Gaara to learn of what Itachi had done to him. If Sasuke told everyone in Konoha, it would only be a matter of time before Temari found out when visiting, as she did so frequently. From there, she would surely tell her brother the truth about his old friend, staying as a member of the village.

Maybe I should go somewhere further away…I wonder what’s on the other side of the ocean? This idea held a sudden great appeal for him. Crossing the Great Ocean was rare, and he knew of only one or two people who had ever made the voyage, or claimed to. Over there…no one’s heard of Jinchuuriki, or Kyuubi, or Akatsuki, or the Uchiha clan, or Konoha, or Naruto Uzumaki. I could start a new life. Stopping suddenly, Naruto tried to embrace this plan as he stood on a thick tree limb and looked out at the setting sun, but he kept thinking of his life in Konoha, of everyone he knew, of all the friends he had made, who he would miss every day he was away from them. It’s been so hard to not see Sasuke for this long…even if it meant being despised, could I really imagine being happy anywhere but at his side? He remembered suddenly something that had happened inside of Itachi’s genjutsu.

“Even if I’ve been a burden to everyone, even if they despise me…even if you despise me, I’m happy knowing that I could help you get your wish. You’re my best friend, Sasuke, and even if I don’t mean anything to you or anyone else, I want to do anything I can to support you. That’s what it means to care about someone, I know.”

“Idiot! You think that will make me care about you? Do you imagine this ending with you and me going back to the Leaf, great friends for the rest of our lives? If you even live to see how this ends, you’ll see that I have no interest in you past this. I could care less what you do with your life.”

“Then I’ll spend it next to you. I’ll always be at your side if you need me.”

Sighing deeply, Naruto knew that those words were still true. He had grown up being despised by everyone. It had taken years for him to get even one friend, and suddenly he had so many, it was hard to count. He would probably lose them all now, but he would rather be at Sasuke’s side, being despised even by that person he cared about more than any others than making a hundred new friends in a different place, a place where he’d never see Sasuke again.

He wished he could erase the last week, and go back to being the happy Naruto who was sure that they would find Sasuke, help him defeat Itachi, and return to being best friends as if he had never left Konoha in the first place. Like it could have gone back to that. It never will now…but even then…it was always hopeless. I’ve always cared about him more than anything. He always cared about Itachi more than anything. I can’t force him to see me as anything better than what I am…especially now. And if he knew…

His mind went back to that moment in the genjutsu where he had leaned into Sasuke’s kiss, where he had known for one startling moment before horror overwhelmed instincts that he wanted him the way he had always thought he wanted Sakura. No wonder I got turned on when Itachi did those things to me…what’s wrong with me? I’m supposed to like girls, not guys. He wondered for a brief moment if there were other guys who liked guys, but the idea seemed very strange. He thought Jiraiya had once made an allusion to something like that, but at the time, he hadn’t been sure what the old monk meant, and had definitely not thought there could be a relationship like that. Not that anyone’s ever really explained these things to me, since I don’t have any parents. He quelled the regrets easily, but it was harder to stop the tears, and it wasn’t too long before he was sitting on the branch, leaning against the trunk of the tree, letting the wind wipe his tears away, his eyes closed, and imagining what it would be like to have someone who loved you catch your tears. If he’d ever known his mother…

“Naruto!” it was Sasuke’s voice, but it took him a moment to recognize, as it was more out of control than he’d ever heard the other young man before. Hurriedly, he scrubbed away the wetness, not wanting Sasuke to make fun of him for crying, and belatedly realizing that crying probably seemed like nothing after what Sasuke had just seen. “There you are.” He looked different to Naruto, strange somehow. Maybe his eyes were just blurry from crying so much. Maybe it was the blood all over his clothing, or maybe he still wasn’t used to these clothes that looked so much like what Orochimaru had worn, but somehow he looked…worn out. Older, tired, and almost…

“Sorry,” he didn’t think of the words before they came bubbling out of his mouth. “I know you wanted to kill him yourself…I should have waited for you.”

“Idiot!” Sasuke’s expression was murderous, and Naruto was sure he was about to be attacked, but when Sasuke lunged forward, he couldn’t find it in him to dodge, and he was so surprised to feel himself in a tight embrace that he almost lost his balance, but Sasuke was holding him, and he knew with a sudden clarity that Sasuke wouldn’t let him fall, no matter what. “I can’t believe…how stupid…” Sasuke’s voice sounded thick, and strange, and it wavered weirdly, and Naruto thought maybe he was hugging him back too hard, but then he felt a wetness against his cheek. He thought he’d started crying again, and then he realized with an overwhelming sense of surprise that Sasuke Uchiha was crying. The same Sasuke who he had never ever seen show more emotion than the slightest smile, or the rare, sharp laugh, cut short as though he was afraid he’d run out of mirth if he let out too much at once, or even the occasional burst of anger…but never…never had he even thought of what it might be like to see the legendary Ice Prince actually cry.

“Are…are you hurt?” Naruto was searching for a solution, but even this didn’t make sense. He’d seen Sasuke hurt so badly he nearly died, and he’d never cried then either. He pulled back to verify his suspicions, and he witnessed with a surreal sense of confusion twin tear tracks cutting through dirt and blood and showing the clean, white skin underneath all the filth. “You’re crying.” He stated this matter-of-factly, as though the situation would make more sense if he said what was happening. Naruto wondered how he must look if Sasuke had reached such a level of dirtiness, and suddenly, he felt an overwhelming need to be clean, and he nearly pushed Sasuke off the branch, wanting so badly to get to a lake, a pond, a river, anything, and fearing that Sasuke could smell what Naruto could, the stink of blood and sex all over him, now having been present so long that he almost didn’t notice it. But he needed to be clean. He needed it more than anything else. He was dimly aware Sasuke was behind him, following him, yelling something or other. He wasn’t sure.

He saw a tell-tale glimmer and fell off the branch in his hurried, sloppy stop. He felt a sharp pain as he tumbled down against one branch, and he expected more, but suddenly, he felt as though he were floating.

“Idiot.” The voice brought him to his senses as he realized he wasn’t actually floating. Sasuke had been right behind him when he fell, and when he saw Naruto lose his footing, he darted forward to catch him. He was surprised at the warmth of the arms holding him up as they fell in a more controlled fashion to the ground. Somehow, he hadn’t noticed that before, and he always imagined that Sasuke would be as cold as his demeanor. “Where are you going?”

“I needed to be clean.” He answered, flushing with embarrassment as he realized how that must sound. I’ll never look clean to him again. Not after that. Suddenly, without any warning, he was crying, and Sasuke looked like he had no idea what to do. He licked his lips as he set Naruto down.

“Um…is your head okay? You hit that branch hard going down.” He said the first thing that struck him and felt like an idiot. His head is probably the last of his concerns now. Flailing desperately for something more helpful to say, he looked from the small pond to Naruto and then took in his surroundings, getting his bearings. “There’s a town about four hours in that direction.” He pointed to the left. “It’s small, but I bet you could get a hot bath there.”

“No…I can’t go anywhere like this.” Naruto stumbled in his rush to reach the cold water a few feet away, pulling his shirt off and dispelling his jutsu before splashing into the small, shallow pool. Even at the center, it barely reached his chest. Naruto dunked his entire body underneath and scrubbed at his face while holding his breath. Sasuke looked on in alarm. When Naruto had been briefly exposed before submerging his body, he had seen smears of what was almost certainly blood all over his ass, and he felt his mind swirling in a jumble of guilt and rage and pain and concern and he had to forcibly deactivate the Sharingan.

Naruto was in the pool for another thirty minutes before Sasuke started to wonder how cold that water was, and noticed with alarm that Naruto, having no wash cloth and finding his hands to be insufficiently able to scrub away whatever dirt Sasuke could no longer actually see, had located a rock near his feet and about ten seconds from having a big raw patch across his chest, where he was rubbing it vigorously.

“Naruto!” he called out, “you look clean. I think you can stop.”

“No!” he yelled back, turning so Sasuke could see his lips, a quivering blue, tears mingling with the water dripping from his hair over his face. “It’s still…I can smell it!”

Grumbling to himself and trying to ignore the way his hands kept shaking, Sasuke stripped himself bare and after a moment of consideration, picked up the dark sash that he wore between his pants and the thick rope tied around his waist, and tromped into the pool with no small amount of determination. Naruto turned as soon as he heard the splashes and looked at Sasuke in frozen terror.

“Like we’ve never been in the bath house together, idiot.” Sasuke chided, but still hurried to submerge himself at least to the waist so that Naruto would stop staring at his penis as though it were a rabid monster. “You’ve seen it before, it’s just the same as it was then.”

“It’s bigger.” Naruto blurted out, going a fabulous shade of red as Sasuke reached him and pulled the stone away, tossing it out of Naruto’s reach. “I mean than it was…not that I…I didn’t mean…”

“Well, of course next to yours,” Sasuke fell back into the old banter so easily he didn’t think of what he’d said until he heard Naruto make an odd sound and submerge his head again. “Okay, no need to drown yourself, come on,” Sasuke was only half joking as he put his hands under Naruto’s arms and yanked up, pulling the blonde head out of the water. “Come on, I didn’t mean it, I was just…”

“It’s okay,” Naruto shook his head vigorously, trying to stop the tears leaking from his eyes. “I don’t mean to be such a crybaby. You must think I’m such a woman after all…all this.” He choked on the last words and nearly submerged himself again to hide, but Sasuke held him up.

“Hey, no!” Sasuke wanted to slap Naruto, but had an inkling that might not help matters. “You’re not…there’s nothing wrong with you! Except its fucking freezing in here and you’re an idiot. I can’t do anything about that last one, but…give me a second, I know this trick…” he made hand seals that Naruto recognized, most of them being from his fire-breathing jutsu, but instead of burning him to a crisp, he produced a ball of what looked like liquid fire and put it into the water, which immediately began heating up until it was steaming. “Look, just like a hot spring! Now, come and get out of here, you’re clean already. I can’t see any dirt on you anywhere.” He pulled at Naruto’s arm, but he shook his head vigorously.

“No I’m not!” he insisted rather hysterically. “I can smell it! I have a really good nose, you know!”

“From Kyuubi,” Sasuke tilted his head to one side as though it was perfectly normal for people to be containers for giant chakra demons. “You know, that wasn’t very fair, all that time we were on Team 7, you knew, didn’t you? And you didn’t tell me or anything. That’s called an unfair advantage.” As he spoke, Naruto calmed down slightly and found himself placidly allowing Sasuke to lapse into silence as he scrubbed his limbs with the sopping wet sash, working over his arms, scrubbing at his chest and frowning at the big pink streak from where he’d tried to scrub with the round stone. Very gently, he turned the younger man around, and rubbed the steaming hot, wet sash over his back in slow, soothing circles. Finally, he rubbed it over Naruto’s face tenderly, wiping away the moisture ineffectually with one damp hand, meant more as a comfort to Sasuke and to Naruto than to be a towel of any sort. Sasuke had allowed a few more tears to fall when he’d spent more time than could possibly be necessary on Naruto’s back so that the other wouldn’t see this time, and when he came back around, he saw the other young man’s eyes were shut, and while his face looked expressionless, he was mostly happy to see that it was devoid of terror or panic.

“Feels good,” Naruto mumbled as Sasuke found he was out of bits to scrub that weren’t underwater, and did his chest again.

“Can you float on your back? I’ll do your legs and your hair.” He almost added something about bits he’d avoid, but thought that it would make matters words if he said it, and he hoped that Naruto trusted him.

He did. “Thanks.” He mumbled as he fell back and his toes poked up over the water. Sasuke had his hand under Naruto until he felt sure the other boy wasn’t about to just sink, and then went to stand near his head, not really scrubbing at all, just working his fingers into the blonde locks that seemed shorter and more manageable than his own stubborn hair. Naruto kept letting out little sighs as he massaged his scalp, and Sasuke began to feel like he was doing something inappropriate, so he decided to move on. After that, he carefully worked the sash over his well-muscled legs. Sasuke noticed that they were thicker than his own, and he thought that they looked more powerful because of that. They were also slightly shorter, and were covered in a fine down of blonde hair that continued up to an area he studiously avoided looking at too carefully, and he thought that looked much nicer than the ugly black hairs that grew on his legs. He wondered if it was softer and without thinking about how it would seem, ran his bare hand down Naruto’s thigh, causing the man to suddenly stiffen and sink, coming up in a spluttering, coughing fit of surprise.

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke immediately apologized, hoping his cheeks didn’t look as red as they felt, “your legs are different and I wanted to know if the blonde hair was any…I’m sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t mean anything.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Naruto’s eyes had that panicked look again, and Sasuke knew it wasn’t fine. “I’m clean, anyway.” He felt his stomach sink through his feet as Naruto, trembling like he was cold in the still steaming water, tromped toward the shore and then suddenly realized he was naked and that Sasuke could see all of his skin, even though the sun had long ago disappeared, and with a panicked flurry, he put his shirt back on and then did the jutsu for his pants and shoes again. By the time he’d finished, Sasuke was feeling like the world’s biggest asshole as he put his own clothes back on. They were disgustingly dirty, and they smelled horrible to him. He wanted to wash them, but he knew if he sat around naked waiting for them to dry over a fire, Naruto would probably never calm back down.

What kind of person gropes his best friend who just got raped by his crazy brother? Sasuke looked around, judging the time, before trying to lighten the subject. “Did you want to go to that town so we could stay in an inn, or would you rather sleep out here? I don’t know if I can find some food, but I think I have some rations in my pack…”

“Four hours, you said, right?” Naruto looked around at the trees in an odd way that reminded Sasuke of a scared rabbit. “I can probably do that.”

“You don’t have to force yourself if you’re tired.” Sasuke knew he must be exhausted, emotionally and physically, and he’d seen that he had trouble moving naturally. He thought he could guess why, but couldn’t think of any way to mention it without making Naruto upset.

“No, after…I was sleeping for almost two days straight before…before I escaped.” He glossed over, but he looked distinctly haunted. Sasuke had a suddenly horrible feeling.

Why was he sleeping for so long? Was he hurt? Did…did Itachi do that with him before? How can I even ask that? Sasuke felt like he was going to be sick as he returned his emergency rations pack to underneath the rope-like belt that felt much rougher without the sash he had folded up and clasped in one hand to keep from walking around half soaked. “What happened to your pants?” he asked, suddenly voicing a question that had occurred to him several times that day, but now that he could hear it, it seemed the worst possible question to ask.

“He…he cut them…they’re not…they’re ruined now.” His voice was trembling, and Sasuke felt the now-familiar drag of guilt on his insides.

“I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.” He apologized as they both headed toward the town. Sasuke tried to set a slower pace to help Naruto manage, but the other man seemed determined to prove he was just fine, and he moved so fast they were there in only three hours. Still, when they knocked on the inn door, Sasuke wasn’t surprised to see the woman look at them both with surprise and suspicion. He wondered how obvious it was that he had blood stains on his clothes. Suddenly, he missed his old black outfit. When he got a chance, Sasuke thought he’d burn these clothes. Except maybe the sash. “Please, I know it’s late, but do you have any rooms? My friend and I are ninjas on our way home, and we’ve been traveling all day.” Well, it wasn’t all a lie, and people were just afraid enough of ninjas that they typically helped them with anything they asked for.

“Come in, then,” she answered after a long pause. “It’s long past dinner, but I could heat up some stew for you.”

“That would be great.” Naruto told her gratefully. “Is there any way we can get separate rooms?”

“I think I might be able to do that,” she considered. “I’ll have to check. But I think I have a room left with two beds, and that’d be cheaper.”

“No, separate rooms, if that’s at all possible.” Naruto countered with a hint of desperation in his voice. Sasuke felt his heart sink. Naruto was afraid to sleep in the same room as him. She nodded and led them to the dim dining room, ladling them two bowls of lukewarm stew and leaving to check on the rooms. Sasuke tried to think of something to say to repair the damage he’d done, but he realized with a sudden cold clarity the source of the problem. Itachi had raped Naruto, possibly more than once. Sasuke knew for a fact that he looked a great deal like his brother. When Naruto looked at him, he was probably struggling with all the fear and rage that Itachi had instilled in him with his cruel treatment. Sasuke suddenly felt like all of this was his fault. From what he’d figured out, it sounded like Itachi had caught Naruto either right before or immediately after Sasuke met him in the cave. Without a doubt, Naruto was only on his own because he was trying to follow the hundreds of extra trails Hebi had set, and if he’d just…involved Naruto in his plans, or been more clear about what he was doing, and the hopelessness of trying to return him to Konoha while he still hadn’t caught his brother, then maybe none of this would have happened. If he’d killed Itachi at the Uchiha hideout, he would have never done that with Naruto. All of this was his fault.

“Good news, I have two single rooms left. They aren’t right next to each other, but they should do just fine.” The innkeeper had returned, looking pleased with herself, and Sasuke nodded, following Naruto’s lead when the other man stood to follow her to the rooms. He noticed as they were leaving the room that Naruto had barely touched his stew, but then, it hadn’t been very good. He wondered when Naruto had last eaten, but could think of no good way to ask. In no time, he paid the woman for both rooms and was tucking himself in, wondering if Naruto would be fine by himself.

Of course he’s fine. He’s a ninja, not a baby.

Almost on cue, there came a knock on his door, and he opened it to see Naruto standing there rather sheepishly and clutching a pillow. Without question, he opened the door fully and gestured to the bed. He felt suddenly jubilant knowing that Naruto did trust him, after all, and was determined not to ask him why he was there or force him to admit that he’d been frightened. He knew if he did, Naruto would probably leave and spend a night in his room with the door locked and all the lights on, not sleeping at all. He felt responsible for what had happened and wanted to make it up to him, he wanted to show Naruto he could be trusted to take care of him and not do anything…anything that might upset him again. He made a great deal of pulling back the covers and tucking him in and then pulled down his own pillow and settled himself on the floor, leaving the lamp on so that Naruto could choose what to do next. He turned it off, and then leaned over the bed, his face looking happier than it had during dinner.

“You can sleep up here if you want.” He offered, sounding sure that Sasuke didn’t want to, and so Sasuke didn’t think about it and climbed into the bed next to him. It was not very spacious, but there was enough room for two people to be comfortable. Naruto made a big show of fluffing his pillow and moving around much more than was necessary before he found a good position that Sasuke noted with a small bit of alarm had his body pressed almost flush against Sasuke’s as he lay facing the wall, determined not to think anything inappropriate. “Is this okay?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke could feel his breath against the side of his face. “I’ve never been in a bed with someone before, I don’t know how to do it.”

“I used to…climb in bed with someone when I had bad dreams.” Sasuke admitted, omitting the name of the person he’d slept with, because he was pretty sure Naruto wasn’t in the mood for talk about Itachi. He’d been too afraid of his father to ever sleep with him and his mother. “It’s warm.” He couldn’t think of another way to describe how this felt without causing trouble.

“You used to have bad dreams?” Naruto seemed shocked at this, and Sasuke chuckled slightly.

“I still do, sometimes. I just didn’t find Orochimaru to be the nurturing sort, so I kept them to myself, mostly.” He offered, and Naruto laughed at that, much to Sasuke’s secret delight.

“Really? I sometimes do to, but I thought you’d think I was a scaredy-cat if I said.” He told the pale man. “I always have this one where I go to Ichiraku and they don’t serve ramen anymore, just fruit salad. It’s horrible.” They both laughed then, and Sasuke reveled in the sound of their mingled laughs. “What do you dream about?”

Seeing Itachi slaughter my family, but I bet you can guess that. Sasuke paused as he thought over his dreams for one that wouldn’t ruin the camaraderie between them at the moment. “I dream I’m married to Sakura and Ino and they nag me all day long.” He joked, but from Naruto’s harsh laugh, he could tell there was something about that that bothered him, so he turned to a less funny dream he actually did have sometimes. “I dream sometimes that I kill you in the Valley of the End.”

“Can…can I ask you something?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke felt a heaviness settle over them as he knew what the question would be.

“Go ahead.” He answered, turning to face the other man and finding that Naruto was much closer to him than he’d imagined. Their noses were practically touching, and it struck him as odd that Naruto didn’t look worried about this. “If I can ask you a question and you promise not to get upset.”

“Umm…” Naruto realized right away what his question would be about, and he seemed to spend a long time considering this before he went forward with his question. “Why didn’t you kill me that time?”

“It’s hard to explain.” He licked his lips, thinking of how he could answer without saying the taboo name. Not that it would matter after he asked his question, really. “I thought I could gain something if I killed you, so I was going to…but I think when I looked down at you and I thought about what would happen, what it would mean, I realized that I couldn’t kill you. Because no matter how powerful a jutsu is, no matter how great it will make you…It wasn’t a price I could afford to pay. I would rather still be no stronger now than I was that day, and you as strong as you are now, and…everyone else leaving me behind, then to live every day knowing that I’ll never see you again, knowing that I killed you. I realized those things that day, and I knew that even if I never did see you again, I’d rather it be because you didn’t want to see me than because I killed you, no matter what I’d get in exchange.”

“What if it had been someone else?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke smiled slightly.

“You already had one question. You can have another after I get mine. Okay?” he arched an eyebrow and Naruto did a little nod that made their noses bump. “Remember, you can’t get upset, right.” Another little node. “Okay then. I just have to ask…” his voice cracked slightly and he cleared his throat. “When you look at me…I mean, I know that I look like…well, I know that I look a lot like…him. And I wanted to know if that makes you…er, nervous of me?”

“You think I’m afraid of you?” Naruto let out a short laugh to show he thought it was ridiculous, but Sasuke had been watching him closely all night and knew it wasn’t that far off base. “Okay, I guess…I know what you’re talking about, but you don’t really look that much alike. I mean, he looks a lot older, and his face is too narrow, and yours is just right, and your skin is a little lighter, and he’s always got those red eyes, and you only do yours when you’re fighting or when you get angry and don’t notice they just switch on. And also, his hair is different. Not the color, I mean, just the way it is. And you dress differently, and your voices are a lot different, too.” He pointed out. Sasuke stared at him in shock. “And…when he had me in that cave…I couldn’t really see him, it was so dark, I could kind of see his silhouette, except when he blindfolded me, and so really it would only be weird if your voices were the same because that’s really…the main thing I remember.” He did a full body shudder, his eyelashes lowering slightly, and Sasuke noticed they were darker than his hair, and showed up against his cheeks when he did that. “So it’s my turn now, right?”

“Right,” Sasuke smiled bracingly. “And thanks…for that. I was really afraid you were reminded of him when you saw me. And I don’t want you to…worry about anything from me.”

“No…no problem.” Naruto made a weird twisted face Sasuke remembered from when they were younger as his I’m-Not-Going-To-Cry-Right-Now face. He decided to let it slide. He didn’t particularly want to see him cry, but he also didn’t think he should bottle everything up after what had happened. “So my question is like I said before. In the Valley of the End, if you could have killed just anyone to get the Mangekyou Sharingan, would you have done it?”

“Naruto, that’s kind of a stupid question, no offense.” He told the other man with a flat expression. “I’m a ninja. I kill people for less than getting a great new jutsu.”

“Okay, well if it was Kakashi-sensei, or Sakura-chan, or someone else you know well. Like Neji or Kiba or Ino or Shikamaru or something.” Naruto amended.

“Well…I think that it’s hard to say what I would have done then. I was pretty stupid. I didn’t think things through a lot before I did them. I just thought of it without attaching any emotion, so it seemed like a good idea. I thought, kill just one person to gain all this power, that sounds really easy. I didn’t think about how hard it is…how wrong it is to kill that person. If it was now…I don’t really think I could kill any of those people just for that. Except maybe Ino, but that would be self defense.” He joked, and was again rewarded with a harsh fake-laugh. He wondered if Naruto knew he could tell the difference.

“Okay, you can ask me one now.” Naruto nodded, “Cause I want to ask you another one.”

“All right.” Sasuke thought about it, and found his thoughts all centered on the subject he thought was the most sensitive, but Naruto seemed fine right now, and he’d already asked about it once. “About…Itachi. You don’t have to, but can you…can you tell me how it all happened. You don’t have to…get graphic or anything, I just…like, when he found you and how long…and how…how…”

“Often?” Naruto sounded vaguely surprised that he was volunteering the words. “I’m going to have to ask you a way harder question, you’ve gotten just easy stuff so far and you want to know…about that.” He looked like he was going to cry again. “There’s…there’s things I don’t want you to know about right now. Or maybe ever. Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke reached forward and sunk his fingers into Naruto’s hair, marveling at how soft it was. “But, Naruto, I want you to feel like you don’t have to keep any secrets from me. I…I want to know all about it because it seems to me like when something…really bad happens, and no one really know about it besides you, it’s like you’re carrying the burden all by yourself, and I don’t want that to happen. After I told you about my family…all about what really happened…I felt better about it. I think…less alone? I don’t know if that makes sense. And I still thought Itachi should die, but I think we agree on that.” This time Naruto’s laugh was nervous, and Sasuke suddenly knew with a deep thrill of privilege that he was going to tell him everything. He continued stroking Naruto’s hair because he liked to and it seemed to make him a little more comfortable.

“Okay, but if I’m going to tell you all of this, will you promise me something first?” Naruto sounded like a child, like he was ten years younger, and Sasuke knew, he’d agree to whatever the other wanted. “Whatever happened back then, promise me we’ll still be best friends, and promise me you won’t be disgusted with me.”

“Uh, yes, of course.” Sasuke was a bit taken aback by these terms, and he felt a bit afraid. Did he really want to know? It wasn’t like he could kill Itachi again if it was really horrible. “I promise.”

Okay then,” Naruto snuggled against his chest, ostensibly so he didn’t have to look him in the eye while he recounted this, and wrapped an arm around Sasuke’s waist. He felt a strange thrill at the weight of the arm, but ignored it. “Itachi found me…well, I found him, when I was trying to find you. And someone took one of your shirts and ripped it up and had a bunch of birds carrying it everywhere, so I made a bunch of clones and everyone split up to follow them, saying we’d come back when we found you. And the one I went after took me straight to him, and he trapped me in his genjutsu before I knew it, but he just wanted to ask me questions about you, about why I kept trying to come after you, and I said it was because we were like brothers. And he left suddenly, and dispelled the genjutsu, saying he had something to do and he’d be back another day, and I thought that was weird, but I just passed out because of how genjutsu is, you know.”

“That’s probably when he came to me. It was two days ago, right?” Sasuke asked, and Naruto shrugged before continuing.

“When I woke up, I was back in a genjutsu, and I realized that he’d probably moved me, and that even if the others were looking for me, by the time they found me it’d probably be too late, because I thought they were going to do the extraction right away, and that kills you…I mean, well, it kills Jinchuuriki. Like me.” Naruto shook his head slightly and made a happy humming noise as Sasuke began massaging his scalp. “In there, he did the normal crazy stuff, you know. Had all my friends say how much they hated me and how I was a waste of time, all that. I’m so used to him doing this, I usually can just kind of ignore it, but then he had you come…and you told me that you left me alive at the Valley of the End because you realized I wasn’t important enough to give you the Mangekyou, so it’d be a waste, and since I would follow you, and Itachi would follow me, it’d be convenient for later to leave me alive…”

Sasuke suspected from the pause as well as the odd hiccup noise he made that Naruto was crying, and he nuzzled his nose into Naruto’s hair, the way his mother used to when he was really upset, and kissed him on the top of his head while continuing to stroke his hair. Naruto made a weird half-laugh that sounded like the words “I’m sorry,” and Sasuke clicked his tongue at the other boy.

“You’re allowed to cry, you know.” He whispered, tilting his chin up and wiping the tears away with his thumb. “As much as you want.” For some reason, this made Naruto let out a great big sob, but he seemed to feel better after that, and he continued on.

“So then, because he saw that your image was causing me more…trouble, he had you talk about how you didn’t matter to me, and I said I’d always be beside you no matter…no matter what,” Naruto buried his face back in Sasuke’s chest. “And you said there wasn’t room because you were going to marry Sakura and repopulate your clan with her, and then you two started…well, kissing, and I got pretty upset, so he took you away and started trying to torture the Sakura in front of me, but he made her all wrong looking when she was naked, and I told him, and he thought that was funny, and suddenly you were back, and you were…saying things about us…and um…you were…not a lot, but you were touching me…in places, and you kissed me. But it wasn’t a real kiss, really, so it was okay, but because of what he was having you do…I was kind of…well, and so he thought that I wanted…wanted to…do things with you.” Naruto swallowed deeply, and Sasuke could feel him trembling, “Sasuke?”

“Yeah?” he answered automatically, wondering at how Naruto could possibly not be uncomfortable around him if Itachi was using his image to grope Naruto, to kiss Naruto, and to say who-knows-what to him.

“Do you think…if I ask you a question, will you not laugh at me or get weird or anything?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke forgot that they were doing questions in turns.

“Sure.”

“Do…do sometimes, do you think that some guys like to…well, that they like to…like maybe they wouldn’t want to have a girlfriend and instead they’d want to maybe do those things with a guy?” Naruto sounded so terrified of even asking the question, Sasuke knew he couldn’t laugh even if he’d found it funny, but his stomach seemed to be in his throat, so he cleared it to let him speak.

“Yeah, that happens a lot, actually.” Sasuke tried to think of a couple that would make this seem okay to Naruto, because obviously the example of Itachi wanting to have sex with him was not a positive example. “It’s just that usually people don’t really notice because some people think it’s bad. But it really isn’t. It’s called being gay, and it happens with girls too, sometimes.”

“Oh, that’s what that meant.” There was a long pause with a grumble that sounded something like “Fucking Kiba,” before he ventured again, “So do you know anyone like that?”

“Some people.” He paused a moment and then excitedly spoke “You remember Haku and Zabuza, right?”

“I thought they were just really good friends.” Naruto sounded vaguely cheated. “I guess I didn’t realize it could be both ways.”

“And don’t say anything, because I know it’s supposed to be secret, but Kakashi and Iruka have been together a really long time. I think they still are, but I haven’t been in Konoha, so I don’t know.” Sasuke felt this was a much better example.

“That’s not funny, they are not sleeping together!” Naruto clearly thought Sasuke was teasing him.

“No, they are. I walked in on them once.” Sasuke assured him. “It was really…weird.”

“That would be weird.” There was a long silence and they both started laughing nervously. “But they’re both really normal. Well, Iruka-sensei is.”

“Yeah, I don’t see how he puts up with Kakashi-sensei.” Sasuke laughed, enjoying this more than he thought he should.

“So…well, thanks, I just…wanted to know about that, because it seemed weird he would just think that out of nowhere. He kept saying things like how it would be…funny to see who…whose name I said when I…well, you know.” Naruto’s face was hidden again, and Sasuke was pretty sure he was crying a little. “Well, after he made fun of me, he turned back into himself, you know, Itachi. And he was really rough, and he bit my lip when he kissed me, and it bled, and he was…it wasn’t good.” There was a long, sad sniffle, and Sasuke kissed the top of his head again. “And then I was really confused because of everything he was saying and doing, and I didn’t really know what he was doing to me, but he released the genjutsu…I don’t know why, but then he cut my pants off, and he flipped me over and pulled me up like…so my butt was in the air, you know,” he made a triangle with one hand. “And it hurt and it was cold, and then he…well, I thought he’d put a knife in me, and I kept thinking that was a really weird place to stab someone, and then…well, he kept…doing it, and I figured out that it…that it wasn’t a knife, and…and it was horrible, Sasuke, you have to believe me,” he looked up at the other man who was brushing the hair out of his face delicately. “And I didn’t like it at all.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Sasuke felt that he was supposed to say something, and that seemed safe enough.

“But, even though I really hated it, at the end, I…well, I finished, I guess. And I don’t really know what happened after that. I just…I was so ashamed. I think part of me liked it. Because if I hadn’t liked it why would I have…you know? And then nothing else happened until…today, what you saw.” Naruto’s eyes were desperate for comfort, and Sasuke suddenly wished he knew a lot more about sex. He barely even masturbated. He snatched onto that, vaguely aware of how embarrassing this would be to talk about, but finding the odd inner logic that they’d be even then, because of everything Sasuke knew now about Naruto.

“Well…I don’t really like to masturbate.” He offered, and Naruto was so shocked to hear that word out of Sasuke’s mouth his eyes went very wide. “But sometimes…you know, it’ll get hard and just stay that way until you can get it to go away. So I’ll do it, really fast, you know, because it seems weird to me, doing that by yourself, and then it’s done, and I try not to think about it, but I still finish, don’t I?”

“You don’t like to?” Naruto was fascinated. “Although…after this I might not ever want to look at another penis again…including mine. But that seems…well, no offense, but every guy masturbates. And usually they like it.”

“I know, I just think it’s sad to do it alone.” Sasuke shrugged.

“If I tell you something…will you promise not to tell anyone?” Naruto had that bright smile on his face that meant he wanted desperately to laugh.

“You better not tell anyone anything I told you tonight.” Sasuke told him sternly. “This is just between us, all of this that you’re telling me and I’m telling you.”

“I know, I just had to say, you know.” Naruto chuckled and then whispered. “Do you think Shino masturbates? And if he does…do you think his bugs are involved?”

“That’s like asking if Kiba and Akamaru—“ Sasuke couldn’t finish, they both burst into laughter, and Sasuke felt suddenly, despite how upset he was over what they had been through to get here, that he was content in that moment, and that he was happier than he’d ever been in his memory.

“Let me tell you a secret,” he said, high on the wave of joy as he leaned over and whispered right in Naruto’s ear. “I’m glad you’re here with me right now.” And he wrapped his harms around the other, and Naruto smiled brightly at him.

“Okay, I’ll tell you a secret.” Naruto laughed, “You’re much better than a stuffed animal.” Naruto made a big show of hugging him tight and Sasuke pretended to be having trouble breathing until they both collapsed in laughter again.

“And my secret is…” Sasuke looked around as though someone might be listening, just to hear Naruto laugh again. “this was well worth the price of two rooms.”

“Even counting the bad stew?”

“It might have been good when it was hot.” They both laughed again, and Naruto looked at him thoughtfully before saying anything.

“And my secret is,” he put his head in the crook of Sasuke’s neck and when he spoke, the way his breath felt sent tingles down to his toes. “I liked it when you kissed me.”

Sasuke had been ready for something silly, but this was different, and he felt his heart race. What was he supposed to say to that? What could he say that wouldn’t terrify Naruto? After great deliberation he licked his lips and feeling more terrified than he had in any battle he’d ever been in, he whispered, “Should I do it now?”

“Well,” Naruto was clearly trying to make light of his, but he was trembling again, and Sasuke knew that what happened here could change the way they were forever, even if it was only one kiss. It would be a real kiss, and there were excuses to hide behind. It was almost enough they were snuggling up to each other in bed, but this was just over the line from friends to maybe something else. “Maybe I should see what it’s like for real.”

“That seems reasonable.” Sasuke played along, and tilted Naruto’s head out of it’s burrow, and suddenly wished that he’d kissed some of those girls in his fan club so that he’d have any idea how he should do it. Wasn’t there something about tongue? Sasuke wasn’t sure about that, so he thought he’d stick with what seemed natural, and he leaned in letting his eyes close, pausing right before he reached Naruto’s lips, suddenly worried. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he breathed. And Sasuke hesitated another second, so Naruto decided to close the distance himself, pressing up into the soft mouth next to him, his lips moving slightly, a little hesitant this was how it was done, but wanting to give it his all. Because after all, this was Sasuke, and he wanted always to do his best with him so that Sasuke always recognized him.

Sasuke was shocked when Naruto initiated the kiss, but he regained his confidence a bit when it was clear they were just using lips here. He had been secretly worried Naruto knew more about it than him, and he didn’t want to be defeated, even at this.

“That…” he breathed heavily after they broke, and he found he couldn’t stop staring at Naruto for some reason.

“Much better than I expected.” Naruto seemed happy, relieved, and a little exuberant.

“If I say something, will you promise not to get upset?” Sasuke asked, and Naruto did his sharp little nod. “I haven’t kissed anyone but you before.”

“Me either.” Naruto replied.

“Can I tell you something else?” Sasuke asked, feeling really nervous now.

“Huh?” Naruto was still pretty pleased with how the kiss had gone.

“I…that is, I realized around the time I left Konoha that I didn’t really…well, I just don’t think the Uchiha clan is going to be repopulated.” Sasuke blurted out. “Because I do not like girls. At all. I thought maybe I just was annoyed at them for nagging me and following me, but then I started to worry when Kakashi started…well, he knew I knew about him and Iruka, obviously, and he made jokes about you and I, and I just ignored him, but then I realized that your Sexy no Jutsu had no effect on me.”

“Well, it doesn’t work on everyone.” Naruto shrugged slightly, he already knew that jutsu didn’t work on Sasuke.

“Yeah, but I started to notice that really no girls appealed to me, and I think what made me realize how I felt was that when I…well, when I have to masturbate, I’d always think of us sparring. And I thought that was normal, but then when I really thought about it, I realized that it was because I was attracted to you…and I didn’t really know how to deal with that, so it was almost a relief when Orochimaru wanted me and I left. I wanted to forget about you.” Sasuke admitted. “But at the Valley of the End, I realized that I could never let you go, not really.”

“You…” Naruto was at a loss as he slowly tried to put the pieces together. “You’re only attracted to…men?”

“Sort of,” Sasuke gave what passed for a sheepish smile. “I’m only attracted to you, Naruto.” The other man froze, and Sasuke realized he’d said too much, pushed too far, too fast

Idiot, now isn’t the time to tell him you think he’s hot, he was just raped. Sasuke searched desperately for some way to salvage the situation. Gently as he could, he trailed his fingers over the curve of Naruto’s cheek and brushed the stubborn locks of hair out of his face, clearly not concerned with the utter futility of this as the golden strands fell back as soon as his fingers were out of the way. “I shouldn’t have said that.” He sighed heavily, wishing Naruto would look up at him. “I know you don’t want to hear anything like that now…but I want you to believe in me. You can trust me, Naruto.”

“D—don’t say that,” Naruto’s voice broke and he burrowed his face in Sasuke’s chest furiously, possessively. “You’ll leave again…and I won’t be able to…I mean, what’s the point?” he looked up then, hot tears spilling down his cheeks. “If you want to be alone, why should I force you…”

“What are you saying?” Sasuke was utterly confounded. “I didn’t leave you. I didn’t mean it like that, anyway. And I won’t.”

“You just said you never left,” Naruto let out a gurgling laugh, “how can I believe anything you say to me? You were only thinking of Itachi when you left, but now that he’s gone, you can put me first? I don’t want that! I never—“

Sasuke knew he’d probably get punched upside the head and have to sleep on the floor, but kissing him seemed the only way to get his point across. He clutched with one hand at the back of Naruto’s head, the other pulling him close by pressing against the small of his back. He tasted like tears, and faintly of blood, and underneath all that, Sasuke realized that other flavor was Naruto. Indescribable, but obviously his essence. Their mouths hadn’t been crushed together last time, and it was surprising what extra insight he could gain from the added pressure. Naruto’s hands were tightening their grip on his arm and his shoulder, and Sasuke was encouraged, hesitantly poking his tongue forward, thinking he had an idea of what it was for, but before he could experiment with kissing any more, he found himself flying through the air, suddenly on the ground, his back hurting horribly.

“Naruto…” he didn’t know what had just happened. Everything had seemed fine, good even, and then he was being thrown across the room. “Are you okay?” he felt like he could guess, but he still raised himself up enough to crawl over to the bed, where the blonde was curled into a tight ball of trembling flesh. Realizing how it must have felt to be kissed so suddenly after everything he’d been through, Sasuke felt his body sag. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted…I’ll never leave you again, Naruto. I promise.”

“I can’t,” Naruto’s voice was muffled, and Sasuke wanted to climb onto the bed and hold him close again. “I can’t…let you just…just…”

“You don’t have to let me do anything, Naruto.” Sasuke chuckled slightly, climbing up to sink his fingers in the blonde hair, hoping to relax him. “You’re strong enough to stop me from doing anything.”

“Are you hurt?” Naruto’s eye peeked out of the nest of blanket and limbs.

“I’m fine.” Sasuke assured him, smiling softly. “Can I still…”

Naruto moved about, allowing Sasuke to climb under the blanket. “You surprised me,” he said apologetically. “I didn’t mean to…throw you.”

“Don’t be sorry, I love sparring with you, and that’s the closest I’ve been in years.” Sasuke teased, and Naruto let out a sheepish laugh.

“You really won’t leave?” he tried to make his tone light, but it was clearly an important question to Naruto.

“I’ll be beside you forever.” Sasuke nuzzled the crook of Naruto’s neck, sighing happily as the other man wrapped one arm over his form. “You don’t have to doubt.”

“Good.”

----------

Sasuke woke up alone, and he wasn’t sure for some time why this struck him as odd until he saw the second pillow and when he buried his face in it, found that it was thick with the smell of Naruto. Everything from the night before came back to him, and he suddenly felt concerned. When it was the two of them, in the dark, it had seemed fine to share all those things with his best friend, but now, finding himself alone, with time to reflect on everything he said and did, Sasuke felt extremely stupid.

We kissed…twice. He realized with a growing sense of dread. He’s probably left the inn already, now that he knows I’m just like my brother…I should have controlled myself. He needs his friend now, not someone to take advantage of him. Sasuke considered trying to chase the other boy down, but wondered if it was worth it. I’ll just mess everything up again, like I did before in the pond, and last night…

After a long time spent generally feeling regretful and sorry for himself, Sasuke finally stumbled out of bed and put on all his outer garments, cinching the rope tight and wondering if there might not be somewhere in town he could find new clothes. He didn’t usually think about what he was wearing very much as long as it was functional and he had a spot or two to conceal kunai and supplies, but this outfit was something pushed onto him by Orochimaru. That phase of his life was over, and he wished he could go back to the way things had been before. Last night, Naruto had seemed so sure that he would leave again, even when he had finally fallen asleep, Sasuke had a twinge of guilty feeling when he realized that Naruto’s hands clenched on his back were most likely less because he wanted a body close to him than they were because he was sure that as soon as he loosened his grip Sasuke would leave.

Is this some sort of pre-emptive strike, then? I told him he had no reason to doubt, but he had already told me he found it hard to believe anything I said. I wanted…I had hoped he’d let me prove that he could trust me, but before I could, I scared him away. He’ll go back to Konoha now, I’m sure, and I’ll never have the chance to see him again. For a moment, Sasuke pictured Naruto holding his hand, leading him through the opening gates of his home village, but shoved the hopeful dream away. No, they won’t ever take me back. Sighing heavily, Sasuke left the room to go downstairs and see if the innkeeper had anything for breakfast besides lukewarm stew.

“Sasuke!” the familiar voice made him freeze with his hand still on the railing of the stairs. “Finally, I thought you’d sleep until tomorrow or something.” Naruto was waiting for him at the base of the stairs, looking happy and excitable and just as Sasuke had remembered him.

Not quite how I remembered…he’s grown up a lot. And that outfit isn’t…

“What are you wearing?” Sasuke frowned vaguely. The orange and black jacket was gone, as were the orange pants. Naruto almost didn’t look like the same person without all that orange on him. In fact, other than the collar and sleeves of the predominately black shirt he was wearing, which were Naruto’s signature orange, there wasn’t any other orange that Sasuke could see on the other ninja. His pants were also a plain black, and he was wearing what seemed to be standard shoes rather than the toeless sandals all ninja favored. He looked…almost like he was just a civilian.

“Does it look stupid?” Naruto suddenly seemed worried. “I wanted something better, but there wasn’t a big selection and they don’t have anything a ninja would wear, really. I feel clumsy like this.” He pointed to his shoes. “And this is the only orange I could find. It looks weird, doesn’t it?”

“No, it’s fine,” Sasuke felt foolish for making Naruto self conscious again with his thoughtless words. “I’m sure you’re glad to get something new.” Sasuke snapped his mouth shut, not wanting to make matters worse.

“Well, I just wanted pants, really. And some shoes. But that jacket was all…messed up. I couldn’t get the stink out of it. I got you some stuff, too. I thought you might be sick of that…” Naruto faded away, flushing deeply as though he’d gone too far, and Sasuke forced himself to smile graciously.

“Thanks, my stuff all smells like something died.” He accepted the plain black shirt and white shorts Naruto handed him.

“I wasn’t sure what you’d want, so I just went with what you used to wear before, since they didn’t have a lot of stuff like you wear now.” Naruto was clearly looking for some sort of approval, so Sasuke nodded sharply.

“Perfect.” He offered another smile, trying not to think of the other people around who could see him showing emotion. Naruto was the only one who mattered, really. “I’m sick of that snake-bastard’s costume. In fact, if you don’t mind, I’ll go change now.” And feeling considerably better about the morning as a whole, Sasuke went back to the room and did just that. He tossed his old clothes, now rather rank with blood in any case, and ripped in several places, away before retrieving the sash and, after a moment of hesitation, carefully folding it and tucking it into his emergency ration pack. Finally ready to go, he came back downstairs, and saw Naruto in the dining room, tucking into what looked to be a reasonably well-prepared lunch. When the blonde spotted him in the clothes, his eyes lit up and a large smile dominated his face. Sasuke didn’t even realize he was smiling as well until he sat down next to him, and he swiftly schooled his features once more.

“It’s good to see you in those.” Naruto told him, offering a hunk of break which Sasuke accepted. “I feel like we’re going to spar after breakfast or go on a mission with Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan or something.”

“What do you want to do?” Sasuke asked, between bites of bread, helping himself to a piece of bacon as well. “I mean, after eating.”

“Well, we should head home. People will be worried about you.” Naruto explained as though this made perfect sense.

“They’re probably more worried about you,” Sasuke felt a pit form in his stomach. “And anyway…I’m not allowed back there.” Naruto’s fork clattered to his plate and he looked at Sasuke as though two seconds from total panic.

“What?” he asked in shock. “What do you mean?”

“I’m a missing nin,” Sasuke explained, feeling vaguely uncomfortable. “I left the village and joined Orochimaru. They won’t let me back now.”

“No way,” Naruto shook his head firmly. “They can’t give up one of their favorite sons, Sasuke! Anyway, I was sent on an official mission to retrieve you. Why would they want you brought back if they weren’t going to let you in the village?”

“To have me put to death as a traitor.” Sasuke offered, and Naruto snorted as though he found this patently ridiculous.

“You killed Orochimaru, and another member of Akatsuki is dead now, too. They’ll probably throw a parade for you.” He told the dark haired man who was pensively staring at the nearly empty breakfast plate. “Come on, we both know you didn’t leave for a bad reason. You had to avenge your family, one of Konoha’s best families, they’ll thank you for getting it done, if anything.”

“You killed him.” Sasuke answered somberly.

“Yeah,” Naruto’s voice was suddenly cold, distant, hurting, “I know, I was just trying to say…but if you don’t want to come back with me, its okay.”

“I want to go back,” Sasuke told him sincerely. “I want to see the others again, and it’s the only home I’ve ever had. I told you I wouldn’t go again, and you still doubt me. I was just trying to think of what I’d do if we got back and they wouldn’t let me in. I’d never really see you.”

“If they really wouldn’t let you back,” Naruto’s hand reached over on the bench, his fingers brushing against Sasuke’s, “I’ll become a missing nin together. We can go wherever we want together, and have whatever adventures we can. It’ll be great!”

“Naruto,” Sasuke was still serious, despite the enthusiasm on Naruto’s part. “I can’t…I can’t make you leave Konoha. You’d be giving up your biggest dream. For what?”

“To stay with you.” Naruto explained simply. “I’m not going to choose dreams over that.” Sasuke suddenly felt wretched. Naruto was telling him point-blank that if he was faced with the same decision that Sasuke had been through all those years ago, he would have turned away from his dreams, and lived for his best friend instead.

If I was more like him, none of this would have happened. If I’d never left him in the first place, he wouldn’t have followed me, and Itachi would have never…

Suddenly, he had to struggle against the impulse to hug the other ninja in front of the tenants of the inn, so instead, his shaky fingers wove through Naruto’s own, and he squeezed, offering a sad sort of grimace. “I’m sorry for all the pain I caused. If I’d known where it would lead…”

“It’s not your fault.” Naruto flushed slightly and stood up, still holding his hand. “Come on then! We should get moving. You slept so late, it’s almost tomorrow already.”

“You could have woken me.” Sasuke told him, “I didn’t know where you were when I woke up.”

“Are you kidding? I remember what a shitty morning person you are.” Naruto laughed and pulled him toward the door, their hands finally separating as they left the small inn, Naruto waving cheerfully to the landlady, and Sasuke staring in amazement at his companion. No one would look at him and guess what had happened to him just yesterday. Sasuke was used to having to ignore his feelings for the other man, but he was just so unbelievable. When they touched, or when he smiled, anything Naruto did seemed wonderful. How could he have chosen revenge over this? How could Naruto forgive him? He knew he’d never be worthy of this sunny youth, but he could at least do everything in his power to keep Naruto happy.

That night, they ended up at a small town again. Sasuke knew they would reach Konoha tomorrow, and he was worried. It was fine for Naruto to say that he would always stay with Sasuke, whether it meant letting go of his dreams or not, but Sasuke didn’t think he could live with himself if he cost Naruto that as well.

“Naruto,” Sasuke spoke decisively when the blonde ignored the second bed in the room and climbed in next to him. “I need to say something.”

“Yes?” Naruto seemed a bit tense at that, and Sasuke realized that in this situation, it could be almost anything that he wanted to talk about.

“When we get to Konoha,” Naruto relaxed at Sasuke’s first words, clearly relieved he wasn’t going to refer to Itachi and what had happened for now, “if they won’t let me in, for any reason, I don’t want you to come with me when I have to leave.” It hurt terribly to say the words, like twisting a knife buried deep in his flesh.

“Oh,” Naruto sounded dejected, and he edged away a little. “Okay.”

“Because even though I want to always be together, I want you to be happy.” Sasuke explained, hoping not to hurt Naruto’s feelings. “I’d rather wait alone in the sidelines to see you once in a while than have you give up on being Hokage forever. I couldn’t forgive myself if you lost that because of me.”

“Sasuke,” Naruto smiled softly as he understood the other man’s position. “I wouldn’t want to be the sort of leader who would choose power over his best friend. You couldn’t do that, and neither can I. I’m going with you, no matter what it means.”

“Oh,” Sasuke responded, and with their faces this close, it took him a moment to process that Naruto was talking about how he hadn’t killed his best friend to gain the Mangekyou Sharingan. I would forget that I’m a good person if I didn’t have him here to remind me. Sasuke realized, he makes me better than I could be otherwise.

“Now go to sleep,” Naruto told him softly, dropping a chaste kiss on Sasuke’s lips, as though they did that sort of thing all the time and it was totally normal. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to have you back, then you’ll see you worried on and on for nothing.”

“Thanks, Naruto.” Sasuke had a hard time falling asleep, because he was nervous about how things would turn out. Naruto said he’d rather be with Sasuke than be Hokage. What did that mean? Even for a friend, that was a lot to sacrifice. And Naruto had kissed him. I have to stop thinking weird things. After what happened…it doesn’t matter if I’m attracted to him or not. Naruto is in love with Sakura, anyway, isn’t he? And if I push myself on him, if I ask for too much, I’ll lose him forever. I’d rather watch him happy with her, not knowing how it hurts me to see. It may be too late to take back all those things I told him, but at least I can let him choose his own happiness. I’m not Itachi, I can’t force him, and it’s something he doesn’t want.

----------

What am I doing…they’ll never let me back. Sasuke felt as though he was inside one of his dreams, the one where he tried to return to Konoha and was faced with a firmly locked gate. Even with the doors wide open, he felt sure he wasn’t welcome here. And then he felt fingers twine through his, and he looked over, and there was Naruto, his face so sure and warm and happy. He wants this so bad. Even if I never wanted to return, I would try to be let back, just for his sake. He’s given up so much for me.

“Ready?” Naruto asked, his voice brimming with excitement, and Sasuke noted, no small amount of nervousness. So he’s worried, too. After all he said, he isn’t positive Konoha will want me back. “Don’t be nervous,” his tone belied the confidence of his words, and Sasuke felt he could do anything if only to reassure this person who meant so much to him, who did so many things for his sake, and who was standing there at his side at this moment full of doubt, pretending to be strong for him.

Some day, maybe I can be the one that’s strong for him. I try to be now, but it seems I always fail. Maybe if I can just do this, this thing he wants so badly…that will set me firmly beside him, and I will have years to give him everything I owe. At that thought, Sasuke steeled himself. He had to be let back in, it wasn’t a question of if they would or wouldn’t, he had to succeed here. This was a mission, just another mission, and whatever he had to do to complete it, he would. And for once, he wouldn’t think of his pride, he wouldn’t let his ego sabotage him. He would think only of eyes bluer than the skies and a smile that had come to mean home to him even more certainly than this village he was entering.

“Naruto!” Sasuke saw Sakura running toward them, and prepared to fend off an unwanted hug. He was taken by surprise when the pink-haired young woman embraced Naruto instead. “Are you okay? How did you find Sasuke? We were coming back for reinforcements, but Sai said that any day you’d walk back in with that…well, you know how he talks, and Kakashi and his group are still out there looking for you, but we can tell them to come back, because here you are! Where did you go?”

“Uh,” Naruto looked less than thrilled to have his arms full of wriggling Sakura. She looked at Sasuke, flushed, and let go of the blonde ninja. “Just, you know…”

“He was finding me.” Sasuke went to the rescue, trying not to glare at her. Sakura was his friend, he had to try and remember that. “See? He found me.”

“Sasuke, we all missed you so much!” she gushed, clasping her hands over her heart. “If you two aren’t too tired we can go straight to Tsunade.”

“I don’t know,” Sasuke turned to look at Naruto, who shook his head dismissively. “I guess we can go now.”

“Is everything…okay?” Naruto asked Sakura, and Sasuke almost laughed out loud as he realized the other ninja was trying to ask about the situation without upsetting him. As if he required careful handling.

“I think so,” Sakura nodded sharply and smiled brilliantly at Sasuke. “The council met before they sent us out after you just to clarify what would happen if we brought you back, and I think they want you back pretty badly, I mean, you’re an Uchiha. They’d be crazy to give up the Sharingan if it’s being handed to them like this.” Sasuke felt a weird chill run through him at the calculating nature of her words. Clearly, this was the student of the Fifth Hokage. She was so accustomed to such political talk that she had adopted it herself.

“See, everything’s fine!” Naruto slapped Sasuke’s shoulder enthusiastically, clearly relieved to hear this.

“Dickless,” Sasuke was vaguely shocked at the name used by his replacement on Team Seven. Sakura and Naruto seemed completely used to it, though. Sai was waiting for them outside the building where the Hokage resided. “I’m glad you’re alive and that you found your friend, even if he’s a traitorous asshole.”

“Sai, please,” Sakura seemed a bit weary. “Could you gather up a couple people and go track down Kakashi so his team isn’t out there forever.”

“Pointless.” Sai answered calmly as before. “Two of the members on that team are Konoha’s greatest trackers. They’ll be home soon, once they pick up on Naruto’s trail and follow it here.”

“Sai, would you just…something.” Sakura was clearly discombobulated. “I just want you to leave Sasuke alone, okay?”

“Oh, I see, you were being subtle.” He answered, seeming very interested in this. “I haven’t mastered that one yet. You’ve brought him to the Hokage, though. Why do we not all three go to Ichiraku for victory ramen?”

“Maybe later, Sai, I want to see Tsunade as well.” Naruto answered, and Sasuke could tell what he really meant was that he wanted to be there at his side when they found out once and for all whether Sasuke would be welcomed back. “Why don’t Sakura-chan and you go ahead?”

“I—okay, that sounds good.” Sakura looked defeated, but Sai looked pleased as they walked away.

“Sakura, I will pay for you, and then it will be like a date.” He was saying, and Naruto chuckled mischievously as they continued into the building.

“Poor Sakura,” he turned to look out a window at their progress and saw that Sai had managed to make Sakura attack him again. “Well, at least she’s not helpless. Come on, then.”

“Does Sai like…” Sasuke tried to take back the beginning of the question. Naruto was in love with Sakura, he wouldn’t want to talk about having a rival. Other than me, but it’s clear that while she likes to look at me, her thoughts have turned to him in the years since I left.

“Oh, you think he has a thing for Sakura?” Naruto seemed to find this funny, to Sasuke’s surprise. “That would be kind of funny. I hadn’t thought of that. He does look a bit like you, though. That would probably be good for her, since you only…I mean, you aren’t interested in her.”

“I was surprised when she hugged you like that,” Sasuke tried to subtly ask about Naruto’s own feelings, since he seemed less concerned at this possibility than he would have suspected.

“Yeah, remember she used to hate me?” Naruto chuckled.

“And you’d always ask her out on dates.” Sasuke pressed further.

“Well, that was long ago.” Naruto seemed so happy here, Sasuke was glad things were looking up for him and his chances of staying here, because he’d hate to force the man to choose. “Remember, I used to hate you, mostly because she thought you were so great.”

“It looks like Sakura’s given up on me, though.” Sasuke decided to be a little more obvious. “Maybe now you have a chance with her.”

“I don’t really want that anymore.” Naruto sounded suddenly solemn. “I just…she’s one of my greatest friends, but I think I always thought if I had someone like Sakura to love me, everyone else would love me, too.”

“Everyone loves you already.” Sasuke was surprised at the words, and wished he could take them back. He was letting out too much, he would scare Naruto away again. But instead of answering that comment, though it had clearly surprised Naruto as well, from the look on his face, he addressed the ninja stationed outside the doors they were approaching.

“Hey, is the old hag busy, or does she have time for my report?” Sasuke didn’t recognize the ninja, but could tell from his vest that he was at least a chuunin.

“She was notified that you had returned,” the guard answered. “I will just announce that you have arrived.” And he went into the room, shutting the door behind him and leaving Sasuke and Naruto alone in the hallway.

“Sasuke,” Naruto wasn’t meeting his eyes, but he was obviously concerned about something, so Sasuke turned his full attention on the other man. “When I report…I mean, we can just say…does she really need to know—“

“Itachi trapped you in genjutsu, thought you were too weak to escape, came after me and was critically injured before returning to you. Once he cam back, you overpowered him and killed him at about the same time I was able to track you both down.” Sasuke recited as though reading a summarized report.

“The rest of it—“

“Is your business, not hers.” Sasuke hissed firmly, and now Naruto met his eyes as he felt his shoulder being squeezed. “If you think I’m telling anyone what happened, you’re wrong. You don’t want anyone to know. I’m a ninja, I know how to edit the truth.”

“I didn’t want you to know.” Naruto admitted, his voice catching. “I thought you’d hate me if you knew.”

“Tsunade-sama will see you now.” Any response Sasuke might have given was cut off by the return of the chuunin, who ushered the returning ninjas in before shutting himself out.

“Naruto, I’m glad to see you’re well.” Tsunade set aside a stack of papers and went straight into a speech neither of them could hope to interrupt if they wanted everything to go well today. “Your friends were concerned that Akatsuki had captured you. Sakura wanted me to send half the ANBU to bring you back.” With only the barest of pauses, she turned to Naruto’s companion.

“And Uchiha Sasuke. I admit, I don’t know you very well. And when I heard you joined Orochimaru, I wrote off the clan as gone, and good riddance if they were going to keep causing Konoha so much trouble. However, I do know Naruto rather well, and he is rarely mistaken about people. He saw that I was Hokage when I couldn’t. And he sees you as his best friend and one of our greatest ninja, though you turned against us and sided with the man who killed Sandaime Hokage. The Council wants you back because of the Sharingan, which I’m sure you could have guessed. You are very lucky to be the last Uchiha in this village, or that would have done you no good. And you’re extremely luck you have Naruto and Sakura to vouch for you, or I’d have ignored all those old power-graspers. As it is, you are on probation. You will be allowed to return to Team Seven, but as you and Naruto are still genin, you will not receive missions above a C rank. Also, you may want to think about getting married. The Council is banking on you to repopulate the Uchiha clan, and as you are already sixteen, it is time you start thinking about doing that if you don’t want to lose their favor. I personally could care less, I still think your clan has severe stability issues, and I am not really eager to see more of them, but they wanted me to pass that on. Additionally, you will be restricted in your missions in that you must keep within one day’s walk of Konoha’s walls at all times for then next three months, at which time we will review your progress and decide whether to lift this restriction.” She sighed and leaned back in her chair, finally pausing for breath. Sasuke could tell she was used to being cut off by Naruto and had wanted to say what she needed to quickly to avoid this lasting too long. “Now then, Naruto, have you had a chance to write up a report?”

“Not yet, I was going to tonight.” Naruto told her, and at her expectant nod, felt an icy fear drench him. Would she realize he was cutting things out? Sasuke had sounded as though he were telling the whole truth when he gave his “report” out in the hall, but Naruto knew he was a horrible liar, usually. “Well…I was looking for Sasuke, and his trail split because he wasn’t wanting us to slow him down. And I sent some clones out, and then I ended up running into Itachi, and he trapped me in his genjutsu and took me prisoner.” He lowered his head in shame, but luckily, Tsunade assumed he was ashamed that he had been captured. “He thought…well, he thought I couldn’t escape, so he went to fight Sasuke, and when he got back he’d been hurt pretty badly. And then he…well, I escaped and Sasuke came, and I killed him and then we left.” He wouldn’t meet Tsunade’s eye, he knew she’d be able to tell he was hiding something, so he stared at his feet instead.

“Sasuke, I’ll be expecting a full report from you as well. Starting from when you left Konoha to join Orochimaru up until you returned.” Tsunade seemed not to have noticed anything odd, and Naruto felt his breathing ease up. “Naruto, you are dismissed. I’m sure you want to go see your other teammates.”

“Tsunade-baba,” he spoke up now, suddenly realizing something. “What about Sai?”

“He’ll return to elite missions. He was only filling in the extra spot, and he knew that his placement on your team might not be permanent.” She shrugged.

“Oh.” He nodded sadly, and turned, “Okay.” And he left the room, leaving Tsunade alone with Sasuke.

“Now,” she turned her full attention on the dark-eyed teenager. “Tell me what really happened.”

“How do you mean?” Sasuke was all innocence and confusion. Unlike Naruto, he was a very good liar, if he had to say so himself.

“Naruto’s hiding something, and I know that whatever it is, he’s probably told you, or perhaps it’s something you did.” She pressed. “I need to know what really happened. Naruto is not like other ninjas of this village. He’s young still, but one day I know he will be Hokage. I want to live to pass the title on to him, and I need to know if there’s anything wrong with him that needs to be brought to my attention.”

“You don’t need to know anything.” Sasuke stood firm. She knew they were hiding something, but he’d be damned if he’d tell her. If Naruto chose to share his secret with her, that was his decision, but it wasn’t his story to tell. “If you know he’s hiding something, why don’t you interrogate him instead of me?”

“Because I can see that whatever it is, he has no desire to talk about it.” She explained. “But it’s clearly hurting him, and I want to know if the village needs to act, or if something needs to be done. Naruto can become dangerous when he hides his emotions, because of the demon trapped inside him. When he becomes conflicted, it is harder for him to hold that seal strong and keep the chakra from leaking out.”

“Are you worried about Naruto’s welfare, or are you afraid of what he’s capable of?” Sasuke sneered as he asked the question.

“Both.” She answered honestly, and that surprised him. There was a long pause.

“I’ll tell you this.” He finally spoke again, his voice solemn. “I cannot tell you what happened. Only Naruto can. I’ve sworn never to tell anyone, and his trust means more to me than your favor or the Council’s favor or any other thing you can offer. I can tell you care about him, so I will say this: I won’t let anything happen to him ever again. What did happen requires no further action. The situation has been resolved, and it would be best if you do not bring it up again. If you really value Naruto so much, you’ll want him to be happy. That’s what I want for him as well, and if I feel like you knowing the truth will somehow help, I would tell you.”

“I see.” Tsunade frowned deeply and then gave Sasuke a very measuring look. “You missed him a great deal, didn’t you?”

“Yes.” Sasuke answered honestly again.

“Are you in love with him?” she took him by surprise with this question, and he was struck speechless, his mouth slightly ajar, his eyes wide. “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make you decide that right now. That’s your own business, whatever the Council wants from you. Please…don’t abandon him again. I think you’d break his heart.”

“I…I never will.” He answered now. “I promised him.”

“You may go,” she waved vaguely toward the door and he left, Tsunade staring after him. “I guess it really is the end of the Uchiha clan. The Council won’t be happy, but I could really care less what they think.”

----------

“Let’s go,” Naruto had been waiting outside, to Sasuke’s surprise. “I haven’t had ramen in ages.”

“Okay,” Sasuke followed him readily to Ichiraku, his mind a tangle of thoughts. He hadn’t told Tsunade anything specific, but he still felt he had betrayed Naruto just by admitting there were omissions in the briefing. At the same time, he thought he might be able to trust the Hokage to think of Naruto as a person rather than a tool. At least she’s not worried about me producing heirs, like the Council is. As though there’s any chance of that happening. He wasn’t sad to know that no one would be tempted by the Mangekyou again. And then there was something that troubled his thoughts more than the rest of what had taken place in that room.

“Are you in love with him?”

What had made her ask that? Why would she think…

“So, what did Tsunade say?” Naruto asked, sounding as casual as possible.

“She knows you’re hiding something.” Sasuke admitted, not wanting to lie to the other ninja. “I can see she cares about you, but I wouldn’t tell her anything.” He explained.

“Yeah, I figured she could tell something was wrong. I’m a horrible liar.” Naruto paused. They were just outside Ichiraku now, and Sasuke could catch a glimpse of pink hair inside that must belong to Sakura. “Thanks for not saying anything. It means a lot.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Sasuke assured him.

“I’m sorry about…back there,” he was clearly trying to get to something he didn’t want to talk about in front of Sai and Sakura, and Sasuke was content to let him find the destination on his own. “She put a lot of restrictions on you. She can seem like a real bitch sometimes, but she’s really…”

“I like her.” Sasuke told him. “The other elders in the Council say one thing and mean five others. She tells the truth.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Naruto nodded distractedly, and Sasuke could see he was ready to breach whatever subject it was that was troubling him. “She said the Council wants you to get married…and have kids. Right away.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Sasuke was confused as to why this would be bothering Naruto so much. Maybe he was concerned about Sasuke’s future being difficult? “I don’t care if it pisses off the Council. I don’t want to be miserable, and it wouldn’t be fair to the woman, either. Anyway, Tsunade said she doesn’t care, and she’s Hokage, after all.” A brief pause, Sasuke gathered his thoughts, and plunged on. “I think she knows about me. She asked if I was in love with you.”

“And…and you…what did you say?” Naruto’s voice was a croak. Clearly, he hadn’t expected that.

“Nothing.” Sasuke shrugged as though he hadn’t been flabbergasted at the question as well. “I was surprised she knew…how I feel about women and men. I’ve only told you, and you clearly didn’t let on. And I guess…I’d never thought of it before. I can’t really define this…” he gestured, a motion indicating both of them. “I’ve never tried. What does it matter, anyway? You love Sakura, and I want you to be happy.”

“She loves you, though.” Naruto sounded unsure, wrong-footed, confused.

“I don’t think so.” He replied. “Not anymore. When’s the last time you asked her on a date? Maybe you should try again. Feelings change, Naruto.”

“Yeah.” Naruto murmured. “They do.”

“Naruto, you’re late!” Sakura and Sai were leaving Ichiraku, and she spotted them at once, effectively ending their conversation. “I had to eat with Sai! He said it was a date and kept trying to hold my hand!”

“I read about dates.” Sai informed them helpfully. “There tends to be intimate contact, hand-holding and kissing and such. Sakura’s not very good at it.”

“What?!” Sakura went red and turned on Sai, who stared back at her placidly. “I am too good at it! This was not a date! I don’t want a date with you!”

“I paid,” Sai went on calmly. “Now you must offer me sexual favors in return.”

“Run!” Naruto, long-used to the warning signs, snatched Sasuke’s hand and got him out of the range of Sakura’s imminent explosion of rage and devastation.

----------

Sasuke latched his gate and turned down the path to the left without having to think of where he was going. He had eaten beef bowl with Naruto since Ichiraku became an extreme danger zone that afternoon. After that, they had parted and he had come back to the Uchiha compound for the first time in years. He had spent his evening cleaning, as dust was layered thick over every surface. Then he had decided to visit Naruto’s apartment, just to be sure the other ninja was all right on his own. Also, though it was hard to admit even to himself, Sasuke missed him horribly, even after only six hours apart.

How did I survive over three years with only my memories of him? He wondered idly as he turned down another street, following a map that was etched in his mind, from the Uchiha compound to Naruto’s apartment. I wonder if he missed me this badly. He turned and walked up the stairs to Naruto’s door and paused before knocking. If he did, this whole time, it’s no wonder he tried so hard to bring me back no matter how I acted…I’ll never be able to make it up to him, I know, but I can try.

He knocked.

There was a rustling sound, then a small crash, and stumbling footsteps. Sasuke had to fight the smirk off his face when Naruto finally opened the door, looking a little haggard. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I must have woken you up.”

“No,” Naruto responded. “I can’t get to sleep.” He blinked tiredly and then stepped aside. “Did you want to come in?”

“Uh…yes,” Sasuke could tell this might not be the best thing for him to do, but he had missed Naruto’s constant presence, and Naruto had invited him in, and he wasn’t able to sleep anyway, so it seemed a good idea to him. “I can leave if you were—“

“I told you I can’t sleep,” Naruto told him, closing the door, locking it, and shuffling toward his bedroom despite what he had just said. Sasuke stared after him until he disappeared through the door and then followed.

Inside the room was dark, and Naruto was clambering into the bed as though this was something normal to do when you had a guest over. Sasuke realized he must be half-asleep and not really thinking his actions or words through. “I’ll…just go then,” but as he was turning, Naruto called out to him.

“No!” Naruto scrambled off the bed and grabbed him around the waist, shocking Sasuke completely. “I can’t sleep without you. I slept fine before, but now…I try to close my eyes and all I can see…all I can feel…it’s him…” Naruto faded off, and gave a great shuddering sob. Sasuke melted.

“You just had to ask,” he turned quietly and hugged the blonde warmly, burying his lips in that soft, clean-smelling hair. “I missed you, you know. I saw you only for dinner, and I missed you. I needed to see you before I could get to sleep.”

“We both need each other, than.” Naruto sounded comforted by this, and together, they took off Sasuke’s shoes, his outer garments, and then they climbed into bed just as they had when traveling together. Together, they fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

----------

Sasuke woke up to a delicious smell. Eyes half-open, he stumbled out of bed, shuffled across the room and ran right into the wall.

He realized then that he wasn’t at home, he wasn’t a child, and that couldn’t be his mom cooking breakfast. Rubbing his head where it had been hit, he paid a bit more attention to his surroundings, and with a groggy slowness, realized that he was in Naruto’s apartment, remembered agreeing to stay with him the night before. Naruto said he couldn’t sleep without Sasuke, but he didn’t bother fooling himself that this was true. Any person laying beside him, holding him, would serve as well. Naruto couldn’t tell the difference, but he’d only ever slept with Sasuke, so he felt comforted by that presence.

That’s something I can do for him, but it can’t last. How awkward will it be if he’s dating Sakura and spending every night cuddling up to me? In any case, he’s a strong person. One day, he might not have the nightmares anymore, and then he won’t need me, but I’ll still want to be by him all the time…what’s wrong with me?

“Are you in love with him?”

“Morning!” Naruto’s voice was bright and happy as he noticed Sasuke standing at the entrance to the kitchen, looking thoroughly sleep-mussed and vaguely surprised to see Naruto cooking something that wasn’t instant ramen. “I thought you’d wake up pretty soon, so I started breakfast.” He indicated a plate of bacon and a pan busily frying eggs. As he did this, two pieces of toast popped out of his toaster and he whirled around to butter them.

“You made this?” Sasuke was impressed. He could cook, of course, but he’d been taught how to do these things. Who taught Naruto? It struck him once more how a boy given so little in his life could make so much of it. “Looks good.”

“Thanks!” Naruto smiled brilliantly, and Sasuke wondered if he’d ever cooked for anyone before. He was finished with the eggs and deftly went about portioning the food onto two separate plates before moving over to the table. “What did you want to drink? Coffee? Juice? Milk? Tea?”

“Coffee, please.” Sasuke sat down and had another sense of disturbing déjà vu. The last person to make him breakfast like this had been his mother, and that hadn’t been for years. No wonder he’d been confused by the smells when he woke up. “Thanks,” he accepted the hot cup Naruto handed him gratefully.

“You take it black, right?” he asked, and Sasuke nodded, wondering how it was that Naruto knew how he took his coffee. We’ve known each other a long time, and I know he takes his with extra cream and sugar, so it isn’t that odd, really. I just never thought he paid that much attention to me.

“My mother used to make me breakfast.” Sasuke said the words that had been tumbling through his mind as he swallowed a forkful of eggs.

“That must have been nice.” Naruto managed to keep most of the wistfulness out of his tone. “I’ve never had breakfast with anyone before, but sometimes Iruka-sensei comes over for lunch. And I’ve eaten out with Sakura and Kakashi-sensei and a lot of my other friends before.”

“You’re good at it, though.” Sasuke told him, munching on a bite of toast. “I didn’t know you could make anything but ramen.”

“Well, I love ramen,” Naruto admitted, “but even I can get tired of it sometimes. And I know that you only eat so much of it because you know I like it, and I wanted to thank you for spending the night.”

“I don’t mind, you didn’t have to do all this.” Sasuke had a hot sip of coffee before returning his attention to his rapidly diminishing plate of food.

“Oh,” Naruto looked a little disappointed, and Sasuke couldn’t understand why. Was he trying to bribe him with food? He didn’t need to be bribed. “What are you planning to do today?”

“Um,” Sasuke was a bit surprised at the shift of subject, but realized Naruto didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so he went along with it. “I was going to spend the day cleaning up at the Uchiha compound. I got a couple rooms pretty clean yesterday, but there’s dust on everything and some places animals have gotten in…yeah, not really exciting, but it needs to be done.”

“I could come help you.” Naruto offered. “This place doesn’t take a lot of work to clean, and I was only gone a couple weeks, so it wasn’t a big deal tidying up when I got back.”

“Yeah, okay, that’d be nice.” Sasuke reached up and touched his hair, feeling the messy locks all out of place. “Before we go, do you mind if I use your bathroom? My hair looks horrible.”

“Like you ever look horrible,” Naruto teased, and Sasuke wasn’t sure how to take that, “go ahead, use whatever you need.”

“Thanks.” Setting down his napkin and downing the last of his coffee, Sasuke stood to do just that.

“Sasuke,” Naruto’s voice made him pause just outside the room, his hand already on the bathroom door. “Do you still think…” he trailed off and Sasuke went back to the kitchen to find him with his head in his hands, shaking slightly.

“Naruto, what is it?” Sasuke placed a hand on the other man’s head, fingers sinking into the blonde hair, and he bent down as Naruto let out a great sniffle.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was muffled. “Go fix your hair, I’ll get this under control.”

“Fuck my hair,” Sasuke hissed. “Did you need something? What do you want from me?”

“I…I just want…” Naruto looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and wet. “Do you still…think I’m attractive?”

“Did you think I’d see you differently because of what happened?” Sasuke brushed away a stray tear and brushed his knuckle over the curve of Naruto’s cheek. “I think you’re beautiful.”

“B—but why?” Naruto hiccupped, and Sasuke knelt down so he was looking up at Naruto instead of the other way around.

“I don’t know, I just like the way you look. The color of your eyes, the way you smile, your hair, your whole body, everything about you. Even these,” and he traced the whisker marks on Naruto’s left cheek with his fingers. “You’re just…when I look at you, I feel happy. No one else can make me feel that way. You’re perfect to me, no matter what happens.”

“Th—thanks.” Naruto scrubbed at one eye and gave a quivering smile. “Sorry to get so soppy.”

“You can cry as much as you like.” Sasuke assured him, moving to kiss his forehead, but Naruto anticipated his approach and cut him off by intercepting Sasuke’s lips with his own. The kiss was soft, slow, and tasted like breakfast and tears, but it felt wonderful.

“Don’t leave.” Naruto breathed as they broke.

“I won’t.” Sasuke reiterated, trying not to think too much about why Naruto would want to kiss him, just enjoying the memory of it.

“Now go fix your hair so we can go.” Naruto smiled softly and Sasuke, daringly, kissed the corner of his mouth swiftly before getting up to return to the bathroom.

----------

“Where does this go?”

“Don’t touch that. It’s an heirloom.”

“Look, I found more towels…oh, no this is underwear.”

“Let me see!”

“Get out of there!” Sasuke shooed Ino and Chouji out of his bedroom and let out a long-suffering sigh. He had looked forward to a day spent doing housework with Naruto. The idea seemed domestic and comfortable, as if they were living together.

Then, on the way to the Uchiha compound, they had run into Sakura and Ino. Naruto had explained their plans when asked, and both ladies had insisted on helping out. They had something about recruiting and left. Sasuke had assumed they didn’t really want to spend all day dusting and had simply skipped out. That was fine with him.

But after a leisurely hour spent washing and rinsing dusty dishes, joking and making excuses to splash each other, the two girls returned, as promised, with several ninja in tow. Ino’s teammates, as well as Gai-sensei’s team (including Gai himself, who swore nothing invigored a youthful soul like removing the dust of the ages) and Sai had shown up in what Sasuke thought of as the First Wave.

At first, it was alright. Sasuke admired Sakura’s ability to organize the troops, as well as Naruto’s ability to make any task seem fun. It was also nice to see all these people again, he supposed.

Then Kakashi-sensei returned from the search for Naruto with Hinata, Shino, and Kiba, and while Sasuke was pleased to see his old mentor, he noticed that Kakashi didn’t work so much as he leaned against the wall reading Icha Icha Paradise. Kiba kept making messes worse, and Hinata kept getting nervous and breaking things.

Then Iruka-sensei dropped by and Kakashi and him disappeared so fast it was as though they had performed a teleportation jutsu. Gai-sensei was disappointed that he couldn’t challenge Kakashi to any cleaning contests after that, and he left. Then Sakura left, apologizing and saying that she had a shift to work at the hospital. After she left, Kiba, who had briefly gone missing, reappeared with about ten girls Sasuke thought he went to school with and several bottles of alcohol.

Now the cleaning was gradually turning into a party. Most people who had openly stopped cleaning were gathered in the main building, and Sasuke himself was now less concerned with making the compound clean and more worried about getting all these people out of his house before they destroyed it. He was slowly herding out the strays, right now.

“Hey!” he yelped as he was ambushed by three girls, who pulled him into a room and proceeded to try and take his clothes off. “Stop it!” he pushed them away and fled the room before calling out loudly. “Ino!”

“Sasuke?” she appeared almost instantly, panting and looking ecstatic that he had called for her. He was vaguely perturbed that she had actually come when he called.

“Three girls in there attempted to violate me.” He pointed imperiously at the room he’d just escaped. “Can I trust you to handle the situation?”

Her eyes took on a manic gleam and she cracked her knuckles pointedly. Sasuke took that as a yes and moved on. He was headed toward the main building when he heard a giggle, followed by a whimper. He went toward the noise and found Naruto cornered by two girls who were running hands over him in a caressing fashion, one whispering something, the other kissing him on the neck. He looked like he was frozen.

Sasuke saw red.

“You,” he forcibly yanked both girls off of his friend. “Get out. Now!” he dropped the two girls who shrieked and fled.

“They…they wanted to…do things.” Naruto shuddered, but Sasuke was glad to see he wasn’t shaking or crying. He hugged the other young man fiercely. “Asked if I…if I’d get them dates with you.”

“I’m sorry.” Sasuke sighed, brushing Naruto’s hair out of his face. “Are you hurt?”

“What?!” Naruto scoffed, snapping back to his normal self. “Those two? No way! I could’ve overpowered them. Just…didn’t want to hurt them.”

“Well, good thing I came along.” Sasuke smiled grimly and Naruto laughed. “Let’s get these people out of here.” He stepped forward and then froze, pushing Naruto and himself back against the wall as three girls ran by screaming, Ino in hot pursuit, kunai clutched in both hands. “Okay, go ahead.”

----------

“Sorry about all this, Sasuke,” Tenten apologized as Neji left, an unconscious Rock Lee draped over his shoulders. “We really just mean to help you out.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sasuke waved her away and grimaced as he looked around at the mess they had made of the main building. There were puddles of alcohol, broken glass, and Rock Lee, in a brief fit of energy after starting to drink, had broken down almost an entire wall. Oh well, they would worry about repairs tomorrow. At least Neji had subdued the other ninja before more damage could be done.

“I think your house is now messier than it was.” Naruto smiled apologetically. He was the only one that Sasuke hadn’t told to leave. “I’m really sorry about all this. I’ll help put it right tomorrow.”

“I’ll mop all that up before I go to bed so it doesn’t damage the floor, soaking all night.” Sasuke indicated a couple puddles of spilled beverages.

“I can pick up the glass, so you don’t accidentally walk across it when you wake up.” Naruto offered, rushing to do just that.

“I was glad to see the others,” Sasuke spoke as they worked, “but what I really wanted today was to spend the day alone with you.”

“Oh.” Naruto flushed and bent to his task ever more diligently. “I…I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have said anything to Sakura and Ino.”

“You were being polite,” Sasuke assured him. “I’m sorry my fangirls accosted you.”

“Yeah…that was weird.” He laughed sharply. “I never had a girl hit on me before like that. Of course, it wasn’t because they liked me, it was because they were after you.”

“Don’t you think someone would like you just for you?” Sasuke asked, gathering up his towels and tossing them easily into the kitchen sink all the way in the other room before returning to help Naruto pick up glass bits. “I don’t understand how you can’t see what I see.”

“What do you mean?” Naruto frowned, wincing as he accidentally impaled a bit of glass on his finger. Sasuke reached over and delicately removed it, placing a light kiss on the bead of blood forming on his fingertip.

“Do you want a bandage?” he asked, while Naruto stared at him, vaguely embarrassed.

“No, this is nothing.” He said. “It’ll be healed in under an hour.”

“Thanks for helping me clean up.” Sasuke smiled slightly as they swept up the last few bits of glass and took them to the garbage. “Without you here, I would have been miserable all day.”

“But most of those people are our friends.” Naruto was surprised to hear Sasuke say that.

“I don’t like big crowds or parties.” Sasuke shook his head slightly. “And I said I only wanted to spend today with you.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Naruto flushed again as they stood together in the kitchen. He could see there was something the blonde wanted to say, but he had no idea what it was. “Should we clean up a bit more?”

“We can leave it for tomorrow.” Sasuke told him, and Naruto nodded. “Will you come over?”

“Ah,” Naruto fidgeted slightly, and Sasuke wondered what was wrong with that question.

“Did you have plans?” he asked, and suddenly, Naruto lunged forward and kissed him.

“I wanted to know if I could spend the night.” He asked in a whisper as he pulled away, and Sasuke tried to slow down his racing heartbeat. “Just…you know I can’t really…you know.”

“That…that would be great.” Sasuke felt wonderful. Naruto had kissed him of his own volition twice that day. Maybe…maybe Naruto wanted him the way Sasuke wanted Naruto. It seemed ridiculous, unbelievable. Didn’t he love Sakura? Maybe he didn’t realize the way these kisses would excite Sasuke, and he was just being friendly…though friends didn’t really kiss all the time, did they? It would take some thinking about, Sasuke decided. After all, he still wasn’t sure he had figured out whether he was in love with Naruto, or if what he felt was just lust mixed with friendship.

----------

Sasuke smiled slightly as he woke up to the faint sound of noise in the kitchen. Naruto. Still half asleep, he stumbled into the bathroom for a quick shower, brushing his teeth and running fingers through his hair before walking down the hall to see what was going on.

“You had no food in here!” Naruto told him in aggravation. Sasuke was not surprised. Going through the stores and throwing out everything that was past its prime (which was everything) had been one of his first housekeeping tasks, so he was well aware of the bareness of his cupboards. “So I got you take-out.” He indicated the bowls waiting at the table.

“Ramen?” Sasuke wished he could be surprised, but he really wasn’t. He chuckled lightly. “Is that really an appropriate breakfast food?”

“Of course it is!” Naruto sounded scandalized that Sasuke could even call this into question. “Oh! And Kakashi-sensei came by this morning to bring you a new hitai-ate. He said he’s got a few days off, but after that we’ll be getting a mission, so be prepared.”

“Oh, good, I hadn’t thought of that.” Sasuke felt a bit foolish. “I wonder what ever happened to that other one…I remember I ruined it, didn’t I?”

“You left it for me,” Naruto answered solemnly, not looking up from his bowl of ramen. “In the Valley of the End. It was scratched like a missing nin’s hitai-ate would be.” There was a moment of silence. “I still have it.”

“What?” Sasuke was surprised. “You kept it?” he asked. “All this time?”

“It was a reminder for me, that I had something I had to do before I could be Hokage.” He swirled his noodles about before scooping up a large amount and giving Sasuke his brightest smile. “Besides, I thought you might want it back someday! I’d be pissed if I left my hitai-ate with you and you threw it away.”

“Oh.” Sasuke felt a lump form in his throat and could feel himself being overwhelmed with guilt again. Why does Naruto even want someone like me as a friend, after all that I’ve put him through? All this time, he never stopped believing I’d come back someday. He sat there, watching Naruto cheerfully slurp down his ramen and realized with a sudden sickening lurch that he did love him. He had loved him for a long time, he just hadn’t realized what it was he was feeling. He had so few friends, it was hard to know what qualified as normal friendly feelings and what crossed that line. However, it was easy now, so completely simple to him. Why had he never seen this before? Naruto was the one who made him want to be a better person. Naruto was the only one who could always make him smile, who could ever make him cry, who held his heart so completely.

“Are you in love with him?”

Yes. I guess I am. And even if he never feels the same way…just being here with him like this, knowing that tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, he’ll be a part of my life, that is what I want. So I’m happy.

Unbidden, mirth bubbled to his lips and escaped, and he was laughing brightly and sharply, and it was only after a while that he finally noticed that Naruto was looking at him as though he were crazy, but he found he couldn’t stop, and eventually, Naruto smiled and began to laugh as well, not sure of the joke, but knowing that he couldn’t contain himself.

“Good joke?” Naruto asked after Sasuke finally recovered himself, feeling weirdly elated and terrified all at once.

“I just needed to laugh right then.” He replied, and the blonde chuckled before polishing off his ramen.

“You are weird, no doubt about that, Sasuke.” He picked up his bowl and tossed it in the sink. “I’m borrowing your shower.”

“Okay,” Sasuke watched him leave the room and after a few more mouthfuls, he threw out what was left. He couldn’t handle ramen that early in the morning. Maybe it was time to go grocery shopping. He hated shopping, but thinking of doing it with Naruto made it suddenly appealing. He waited for Naruto to return, freshly scrubbed, wearing one of Sasuke’s own shirts, his hair still damp. “Ready?” he tossed the other boy his sandals and he put them on, a bit confused.

“For what?” he asked as he joined Sasuke, who was waiting at the door.

“You said I’m out of food. Let’s get more.” He suggested.

“Okay,” Naruto’s face lit up. Sasuke wasn’t too surprised. He knew Naruto loved almost anything to do with food. Together, they left and Sasuke felt strangely content as he walked beside Naruto, who was talking about different foods he had noticed that Sasuke liked, and foods that he himself liked. Sasuke was barely listening, he was just watching Naruto. The way he looked so happy, as if none of these past years had ever happened. Sasuke felt that he hadn’t really understood that Naruto forgave him for the past until that moment, when he saw how perfectly happy they could be together, just the two of them.

I wish it could always be like this. I wish there was some way Naruto could feel for me just a fraction of what I feel for him. But he deserves someone better, and I know that. I must remember that.

When they reached the store, Sasuke let his mind wander from these happy, yet painful thoughts, and focused on the simple task of shopping for food with Naruto. He found himself having a good time, enjoying Naruto’s jokes and comments, going along with whatever the blonde suggested, and finding as he paid that he had purchased quite a lot of ramen. There was other food, but he didn’t have a problem with this. Maybe Naruto would spend more time at his house if there was plenty of his favorite food waiting to tempt him. Naruto wanted to make sandwiches for lunch, and Sasuke wasn’t about to argue with a reason to have them spend more time together.

“You know what we should do after this?” Naruto asked after swallowing a mouthful of the obscenely large sandwiches he had sworn to Sasuke were one of his ”specialties.”

“After all this food? Take a nap, maybe.” Sasuke quipped, and Naruto laughed at him.

“Hey, no wonder you’re so skinny and pale.” He told the dark-haired ninja. “Let me keep feeding you for a while and you’ll be twice as big,” he flexed his arms to illustrate what he meant, but then frowned. “Turns out you weren’t really as pretty as everyone thought. You’re just underfed.”

“Hilarious.” Sasuke snorted slightly. “If it will make those crazy fan-girls leave me alone, maybe I should gain weight.”

“Like you really would.” Naruto did a little imitation of primping his own hair. “You’re too vain. I bet your eyelashes aren’t even that long, you probably wear mascara.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Sasuke, rather full anyway, opened his sandwich and smashed both halves on Naruto’s cheeks. The other ninja yelped in surprise and attempted to retaliate with a nearby jar of mustard, but Sasuke let go of one piece of bread to ward off the condiment.

“I can’t believe you’d waste food like that!” Naruto was mortally offended, and in the struggle, most of one half of the sandwich fell to the floor while the boys both tried to get the upper hand. “I worked hard on that sandwich, you ass!”

“Just trying to get me fat like you,” Sasuke retaliated, and Naruto, well aware that he had no pudginess anywhere on his body, laughed at this, landing a big splash of mustard in Sasuke’s hair.

“Now I’ve got your hair yellow like mine! Might as well finish the job.” Naruto attempted to smear it around, stepped on the fallen sandwich, and fell to the ground, bringing Sasuke down on top of him. “Looks good, you should bleach it like that.”

“I can’t believe you,” Sasuke was laughing while trying to act offended, so he wasn’t coming off quite as threateningly as he hoped. “Ugh, it’s getting on my face,” he reached up to swipe the yellow goop off his forehead, and Naruto took advantage of the distraction to roll, switching their positions so he was on top.

“Now I’m in control,” he gave what he thought was an evil smile, and peeled the piece of meat off his face and put it in Sasuke’s hair with great satisfaction. “I’ve never made a Sasuke sandwich before.”

“Stop it! That’ll never come out of my hair!” Sasuke was alarmed now, as Naruto located another piece of sandwich and mushed it into the mess already tangled in Sasuke’s raven locks.

“Looks pretty good,” Naruto seemed pleased with his handiwork, and licked a long smear of mustard off of Sasuke’s cheek. Suddenly, the dark-haired ninja realized how this position might look to anyone who could possibly see them. No one was there, but just knowing how provocative it might look changed his mood about the situation. He moved a bit and raised his mouth, capturing Naruto’s lips with his own. There was a thick warmth that seeped into him at the feel of the kiss, and though he knew he probably shouldn’t be forcing himself on the other man, he couldn’t resist. It felt so good, and he tasted wonderful, and all Sasuke wanted was to get closer to Naruto. He let out a low moan and felt his hips grind upward of their own volition, and then, suddenly, Naruto pulled away, looking alarmed.

“I…I didn’t mean…” Sasuke flushed deeply, but Naruto was already up and off of him, walking across the kitchen.

“We should clean up.” He spoke in a voice that trembled only slightly, but Sasuke knew that he was afraid, he knew why, and he felt sick to his stomach.

What’s wrong with me? Why did I have to do that? We were having fun, and I took it too far, and now he’s terrified that I’m going to treat him just the way Itachi did. I wish I could take it back, no matter how wonderful it felt…it’s not worth seeing him like that.

“I’m sorry, Naruto,” he pressed, getting up and picking bits of sandwich out of his hair. The other ninja didn’t look up from the kitchen sink where he was taking an inordinate amount of time to wash his hands. “Please, Naruto, just look at me,” he reached over and touched Naruto’s shoulder, but the blonde man froze, stiffening and turning in the opposite direction, leaving the water on while he made a great production of drying his hand.

“Look at this mess,” he laughed nervously, pointedly avoiding Sasuke and going to wipe up the smears of sandwich that marked the center of their battle. “I was going to suggest we go spar so we’d be ready for our next mission, but I didn’t mean to do it inside.”

“We can go spar,” Sasuke was feeling desperate to make amends for what had just happened, but didn’t see how he could hope to make up for it if Naruto was going to ignore him this way. “We can do anything you want. We could go to the old training grounds. Remember when we first went there?”

“Y—yeah,” Naruto’s towel was dry, so it wasn’t really effective at wiping up some of the mess. He was mostly smearing it around at this point, but as soon as Sasuke came close, he got up, tossing out what bits of sandwich he’d gathered and moving to wet the towel under the running water. This time he turned it off, and in that moment, Sasuke moved to intercept him, grabbing the wrist that held the towel. He was trembling, Sasuke noticed that right away, and tried to make his grip as gentle as possible without losing control, pulling so that Naruto had to turn toward him. He reached with his other hand to tilt Naruto’s chin up to face him.

“Just look at me, please.” Sasuke whispered, and Naruto cringed slightly as their eyes finally met. Confusion and fear swirled in those brilliant blue orbs, and Sasuke cursed himself for causing this. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

“It…didn’t hurt.” Naruto offered, his voice cracking slightly.

“I forced myself on you, and after what happened…it was the worst thing I could do.” Sasuke’s hand strayed from Naruto’s chin, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind his ear. “I want you to know that I would never…would never hurt you like that. I love you, Naruto.”

Naruto clearly had no idea what to say to this, and he stared up at Sasuke, still looking slightly panicky. Sasuke realized that was probably the worst way he could have chosen to share his feelings and tried to fix the damage once more.

“I don’t mean…you don’t have to give me anything.” He explained, “I know that you don’t feel that way, and that’s…it’s fine. I just wanted you to know why you shouldn’t be afraid of me. I want you, but I care about you too much to just use you like…like Itachi did. I want you to be happy, that’s all. Please don’t hate me.”

A tear suddenly rolled down Naruto’s cheek and Sasuke felt his stomach sink in despair. He’d destroyed everything they had. Naruto was terrified of him now, and probably full of disgust that his best friend was another person he would have to protect himself against. Nothing Sasuke could say at this point would make it better, and he felt he might cry himself at how badly wrong everything had gone.

“I shouldn’t have said all that, I’m sorry,” Sasuke let go of Naruto and turned away. “I’m going to clean myself up. You can leave if you want.” With determination, he resisted the urge to turn around and see if Naruto was still watching him, if he was crying, if he was fleeing the house. It hurt enough to think about without having to see it.

----------

He loves me…he wants to…he wants to do those things…all those things Itachi did. Naruto felt so much he wasn’t sure he could possibly sort it out. But he loves me, so he wants me to leave so that he isn’t tempted to hurt me that way. I don’t know what to do anymore. I should have run away as soon as he kissed me, but I want to stay. Why do I want to stay? What’s wrong with me? It’s like Itachi broke something in me. I used to just want to be with Sakura, to take her on dates and things. Now I keep thinking about Sasuke, about living with him, about us…together, in a way I shouldn’t…shouldn’t think of my best friend. He knows…maybe his Sharingan can read my mind, and he knows that if he tried to…if he tried to do those things, I’d let him.

Maybe he doesn’t really love me that way. He just wants to protect me, and then he wants to see what it would be like to…do those things, and it’s my fault for thinking weird thoughts, and he doesn’t know what to think about all that, so he told himself he must be in love with me to want that from me.

But he did say he only likes men…maybe he really is in love with me. Naruto felt a brief moment of euphoric hope as he scrubbed up the mustard on the floor. No…no, there’s no way he could. He knows what happened to me, how could he love me after that? And now he wants me to leave. No wonder, he probably wants his life to be normal again, and I’m not helping. He must hate me. I wouldn’t even give him what he wanted…there on the floor, I wonder…if I hadn’t stopped him, what would have happened? Would he have done all those things Itachi did? I remember how much it hurt…and I was afraid, so I stopped him. I shouldn’t have. He’s putting up with me when I keep bugging him. He’s been protecting my secret. If I make him angry, he’ll never let me near him again. I should just do what he wants and stop acting stupid.

With this resolution in mind, Naruto hurriedly washed his face in the sink, and left. If Sasuke wanted him to leave, even if it was the last thing Naruto wanted, he’d do it. He’d already refused Sasuke once today, and he didn’t want to make things worse. If I leave now, like he wanted, he might forgive me and come to me tonight. If he doesn’t, I won’t be able to sleep, I know.

His heart beating a painful tattoo against his ribcage, Naruto returned to his apartment and tried not to think of the possibility that Sasuke would never want to see him now that Naruto had refused his advances. He’d just have to hope.

----------

Sasuke had been devastated when the house was empty after he got out of the shower. He’d told Naruto to go if he wanted, and he couldn’t really be surprised that the terrified ninja had taken the opportunity to run away. He kept hoping that Naruto would come back at night, when he found sleeping alone difficult, as Sasuke suspected he still might. He felt terrible thinking that he was almost happy Naruto had nightmares when he was alone, because it meant that the blonde would come back to him, and maybe give him a chance to make things up to him.

But that night, Sasuke fell asleep, still half expecting Naruto to come to him, and then woke up alone. He had woken up alone those other days, but he had known Naruto was nearby. Not this time. He had destroyed everything between them, and now he would probably only see Naruto during missions. He wondered how well Naruto had slept, but thought that probably he would rather have nightmares of a past terror than have to face the real possibility of Sasuke forcing himself on him again.

But still, that night he found himself expecting Naruto to turn up on his doorstep. He held a silent, internal debate for nearly two hours before going to bed about whether he should go to Naruto’s apartment or not, but the memory of Naruto’s fear was enough to stop him. He would either be too terrified to open the door, or he would get upset once Sasuke insisted on spending the night.

I tell him I love him, and look at how badly I treat him. What must he think of me?

Sasuke went to bed alone that night as well. The next morning, he woke up, despairing of his loneliness and wondered how he had lived like this for so many years. It was unbearable. At least today, Team Seven was to receive a mission. Sasuke spent extra time making sure he looked just right, and wondered how Naruto would react to seeing the new hitai-ate tied around his forehead. It would be nostalgic, and maybe it would inspire Naruto to forgive him, for old times’ sake. Maybe…

It worried him to realize how he hungered just to see Naruto’s face again. He felt as though love must be some sort of incurable condition that only grew worse and more dominating, more painful, as time went on. Certainly I never needed him this badly before. I wonder if we’ll ever be able to just be friends again…if I can’t get this under control, I don’t know how I’ll be able to treat him normally. All I can think of is seeing him, of feeling his skin, kissing him, smelling him, being near him. I can’t do all those things, though. I have to be satisfied just seeing him, he reminded himself as he left the house and approached their old meeting place.

Sakura was already there, and she greeted him with some excitement, giggling and asking about how things had gone with cleaning up after she left, talking about what she had heard from Ino about it turning into more of a party than anything else. “I wish I could have been there, it would have been fun just to be with my two teammates again.”

He realized when she said it that Sakura’s feelings really had changed. She might have a crush on him still, but her affection for him was certainly either faded, or at least completely under control. But her affection for Naruto had grown, so that it was almost as though she saw them both with the same level of warmth. But when we came back, it was Naruto she hugged, not me. She’s given up on me, I’m glad of that. I didn’t want to hurt her. And I think…Naruto and her would be a good match, after all. I’ve always been the odd one out in this group. It just took time for her to realize that I wasn’t going to change.

“You were there, for a while.” Sasuke reminded her.

“But we were working, then.” She pointed out. “I feel sometimes like I never have time for fun, these days. I’m always with Tsunade-sama, or on a mission, or at the hospital…”

“You’re the apprentice of the Hokage.” Sasuke told her, “And a powerful medic-nin. People are going to make demands of your time if you’re that useful.”

“Ah…I guess you’re right.” Sakura blushed, and Sasuke realized that he rarely complimented her, and she was surprised to hear kind words from him. Why would she have chased after me so long if I treated her like that? I don’t understand women at all. Although…I wish Naruto could be as forgiving…

“Just like the old days,” she leaned against the railing of the bridge, “those two are always last to arrive…oh!” she waved excitedly at the blonde walking toward them. “Morning, Naruto! We were just…” she trailed off as he gave her a weary wave, pointedly not meeting Sasuke’s eyes.

“Morning, Sakura-chan.” He yawned widely, and she approached him, looking concerned. It was no wonder. Sasuke knew without having to ask that Naruto hadn’t really slept since that night at the Uchiha compound. “Kakashi-sensei late again?”

“You look horrible, Naruto!” she chided him. “Were you up all night or something?”

“I…stayed up too late, yeah,” he rubbed the back of his head and gave her a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I was excited for us to go on a mission again, I guess.”

“A fat lot of good you’ll be to anyone in that state.” She scolded. “You should go back home and go to sleep. You shouldn’t be on a mission like that.”

“I’ll be fine,” Naruto waved her concern away. “Tsunade-baba already said that until there’s a review, we’re only going to get level C or D missions. I could do those in my sleep.”

“I’d rather you did do them in your sleep, it’d be killing two birds with one stone.” She continued, her hands on her hips. “Look, you have to go home! There’ll be other missions.”

“I would rather be doing something than taking a nap.” He grumbled. “Stop acting like you’re my mom. I like you better when you’re just Sakura-chan.”

Her face lit up with inspiration and she leaned forward, whispering something in his ear. Naruto’s face looked suddenly shocked, and he shot a surprised glance at an instantly curious Sasuke before nodding sharply and turning around to go back home.

“Okay, okay,” he muttered. “I’ll go back home, then.”

“What did you say?” Sasuke asked her as soon as Naruto had disappeared.

“I told him that if he went back home for today, I’d go on a date with him tonight.” Sakura giggled. “I just suddenly thought of it! He’s been asking me out forever, it seemed like a good way to get him to do what I wanted…oh no, that sounds like I’m bribing him.”

“No…you’re just concerned.” Sasuke felt oddly angry, and he didn’t know why. It was a good thing that Sakura had gotten Naruto to go home. He was in no shape for a mission, that was for sure. And he’d been thinking lately how well suited those two were for each other. If he had no hope of being with Naruto, he would want Sakura to have him instead. He realized that he trusted her to take care of him…as much as she could, that was.

At least she won’t push herself on him like I did. This is for the best.

----------

The mission ended up being overly simple and slightly irritating, as most D-level missions were. They were finished before noon, and Sasuke went home, feeling unaccountably anxious, and angry. I’m just worried about Naruto, he’s not taking care of himself. And that mission was a waste of my time.

After a long time spent half-heartedly cleaning, Sasuke felt he needed to go visit Naruto, to make sure that he was looking any better than he had that morning. Surely if he looked half-dead when Sakura came for their date, she’d postpone and say he needed to go back to bed, or maybe even cancel. Not that he wanted that, he just wanted Naruto to be happy, so he had to make sure the blonde would be ready for his date. Yes, Naruto had been asking her out forever, so it would be horrible if he missed their date because he couldn’t sleep.

He realized as he knocked on Naruto’s door that he felt horribly worried that the other ninja just wouldn’t let him, or would ignore him the way he had that morning. He hadn’t even acknowledged Sasuke’s presence. Maybe that was why he was so angry, even though in his heart, he felt that being ignored was no more than what he deserved after the way he had acted.

“Hello?” Naruto opened the door and looked momentarily stunned to see Sasuke standing there. He seemed not to know what to say or do, so the other ninja spoke up.

“Can…can I come in?” Sasuke asked, hoping he wouldn’t be refused. Naruto opened the door all the way and Sasuke entered, feeling guilty for even having come over here, forcing Naruto to see him when he so clearly wanted nothing less. “I wanted to apolo—“

“I’m sorry!” Naruto leapt at him as soon as the door was closed and embraced him tightly. “I’m sorry I freaked out! Stop being mad at me, and I’ll do…I’ll do anything, I just…I’m sorry.”

Sasuke noted with a distant sense of bewilderment that Naruto was crying, and found that all he could do was hold the other man, the fingers of his right hand sinking into the hair he had missed so much, his left hand clutching the small of Naruto’s back. “Why are you sorry,” he breathed into Naruto’s hair, “when I’m the one who caused all this trouble?”

“Please…don’t go.” Naruto pleaded, and Sasuke wondered whether he had heard or understood his words. “Please.”

“I won’t go,” Sasuke assured him. “Calm down, Naruto. I swore I’d never leave you again, and I won’t. What can I do to make you trust me again?”

“I do…I’m just afraid sometimes.” He answered, looking up at Sasuke, who tenderly dried his eyes.

“You look exhausted,” Sasuke sighed heavily.

“I couldn’t sleep by myself…I tried.” Naruto explained with a deep sniffle. “I just kept having nightmares, and I’d wake up and you weren’t there…I didn’t know what to do with myself. I kept hoping you’d come.”

“I should have…but I thought you wouldn’t want me here.” Sasuke smiled slightly. “I thought you’d come to me.”

“I didn’t think you wanted me there.” Naruto admitted, a small smile forming on his blotchy face.

“Come on, let’s take a nap, then.” Sasuke kissed Naruto’s forehead, stopping himself from doing anything more. He didn’t want things to be ruined again like last time. They walked to Naruto’s bedroom and climbed into bed, where Naruto promptly burrowed against Sasuke’s body, sighing happily as Sasuke wrapped his arms around him, and fell asleep almost at once.

Sasuke wasn’t tired at all, but he felt his heart was full and happy as he watched Naruto sleep, stroked his hair lovingly, and enjoyed the simple contentedness that stemmed from the feeling of that warm body lying next to him, the scent of Naruto filling his senses. He couldn’t help but feel a certain pride in the idea that he was helping Naruto, that Naruto couldn’t sleep without him here, and that in a way, Naruto needed him, just as he would always need Naruto.

Someday, though, I’m sure he’ll be able to sleep on his own. Then he’ll have no need of me. But in the mean time, I’ll enjoy this. It’s almost as if we’re lovers, lying like this together. I wish that he had a place for me in his heart…if I could be with him like this forever, I would give anything I had to make him happy.

At some point, lulled by the rhythmic sound of Naruto’s breathing, by the warmth and happiness of the situation, Sasuke drifted off as well, and before he felt any time had passed, he woke up to the sound of knocking on the door. Naruto still slept soundly, despite the insistent knocking, and Sasuke considered just ignoring it, letting the person go away, whoever they were, and giving Naruto his chance to catch up on all that sleep he’d missed, but he knew that it could be important, so he decided to try and sneak out of the bed to check who it was. However, as soon as he managed to disentangle his limbs from Naruto’s, the other boy stirred and pulled him back, muttering under his breath.

“Still sleepy…don’t go.” His eyes briefly cracked open and he leaned in, pressing a sleepy kiss to Sasuke’s mouth, causing the dark-haired ninja to freeze, unsure of how he should proceed.

“Someone’s at the door, let me just check who it is and I’ll come back, I swear.” Sasuke assured the exhausted ninja.

“No…they’ll go away if you ignore them.” Naruto didn’t open his eyes this time, and Sasuke debated silently with himself about whether he should just follow Naruto’s advice or not.

“But what if it’s important?” he asked, and Naruto let out a long, dramatic sigh, blinking his eyes wearily open.

“If it’s important why are they even knocking?” Naruto yawned hugely. “They could just come in, the door isn’t locked.”

As if on cue, they heard the door open, and Naruto’s eyes suddenly widened in worry. “Naruto?” the voice was female, and after a second, Sasuke recognized it as belonging to Sakura. “Naruto, are you here?”

“Shit,” Naruto stumbled out of bed, looking around for pants, since he was wearing underwear and a shirt. “That’s right…I’ve got a date with Sakura…”

“I thought you were still tired.” Sasuke climbed out of the bed and stood against the wall, suddenly feeling very irritable. “You could tell her to come back tomorrow. Tell her you’re trying to get some sleep. She’ll understand.”

“No…no, I can go.” Naruto ran his fingers swiftly through his hair and grabbed a jacket just as Sakura knocked on the bedroom door. “Do I like alright?”

“You look great.” Sasuke answered sullenly. “I’ll just go then.” And without waiting for a response, he swung himself up onto Naruto’s window sill and out onto the roof. Instead of returning home, he sat there moping and feeling extremely irate. He could faintly hear Naruto and Sakura talking, and after a few moments, he could hear the sound of them leaving the apartment, still discussing where they should go. Sasuke thought it was ridiculously thoughtless of Sakura to demand Naruto get some sleep and then come over, waking him up and making him go out with her as though he wasn’t perfectly happy ten minutes ago, wrapped in Sasuke’s arms, sleeping. He had a sudden brutal desire to know what Sakura would have thought if she’d burst into the room with them still both in bed. How would she feel to know that the boy she was on a date with and the one she used to have a crush on were sleeping together? Or that they had kissed? She knew nothing about Naruto, really. Certainly, she’d been there when Sasuke hadn’t, but did she know about Itachi? How could she hope to make him happy if she didn’t even know about the things that plagued him? He briefly wondered whether she even knew about Kyuubi, and snorted to himself. She only knew one side of Naruto, the side he showed everyone. She’d never seen him vulnerable, and she wouldn’t know what to do if she did. The Naruto she knew was only the top layer of something so much deeper than she could ever fathom, and she was really such a silly girl, she would never…

Sakura’s my friend, too. Why am I thinking these things? Sasuke looked up into the darkening sky and realized he’d been here for over two hours, just thinking and cursing Sakura and missing Naruto, and wondering what they were doing and if Naruto had more fun with Sakura than he did with Sasuke. I’m jealous…I’m jealous that she’s with him. I want him to be happy, and I told myself that even if it was with someone else, I wouldn’t mind, but now I see. I want him to be happy with me, more than anything else. I’d do anything to make him love me. But I can’t hope to do that, so I’m forced to sit here like a fool, thinking useless things.

Suddenly, he noticed that he could hear two people laughing, and realized that it was Naruto and Sakura, returning from their date. He couldn’t quell his curiosity, and he traveled stealthily over the roof until he was over the doorway, concealing himself easily in the dark, but desperate to catch at least a snatch of their conversation, to know something of how things had gone.

“I had a lot of fun, Naruto,” she was saying, and Sasuke rolled his eyes. He knew he was just being petty, but he thought she sounded generic, and hoped Naruto thought so too. “We waited too long to do this. We should go out again some time.”

“Oh…yeah, we could do that, I guess.” Naruto sounded vaguely uncomfortable, and Sasuke couldn’t help but feel supremely pleased that it seemed like Naruto wasn’t enjoying himself as much as Sakura had. “It’s weird, though. Us going on a date after so long, it’s almost like—“

“Naruto,” she cut him off. “I know you think I’m still in love with Sasuke, but I’m not. Feelings change, and I think…I think this could really work. I’m glad I went with you tonight.” She leaned forward, and Sasuke had to repress a sudden homicidal rage that blossomed within him as her lips brushed over his.

“I…yes, a lot of fun…really I’m tired…should probably later…see you maybe…” Naruto made almost no sense as he attempted to open his door, which was apparently locked, now, and searched for his keys with little success. Sasuke was struck with a sudden idea, and he turned away and went back the way he’d come, going in through the window and hurrying to open the front door.

“You’re home,” Sasuke’s tone was flat as Sakura’s mouth fell open in confused surprise. “I expected you to be back later. Guess it wasn’t that exciting.” He gave Sakura a smug look as Naruto stumbled inside, not sure of what to do or say. “Good night, Sakura.” And he slammed the door on her face, feeling only slightly guilty.

“You waited for me to come back?” Naruto asked, a bit off kilter. “You…didn’t have to.”

“Do you want me to go?” Sasuke raised a dark eyebrow, and Naruto shook his head wearily.

“No, please don’t.” and he embraced Sasuke, planting a small kiss on his lips. “Stay here, I’m exhausted.”

“She kissed you,” he stated matter-of-factly, leading Naruto to the bedroom.

“Yeah.” Naruto didn’t seem to know what else to say to this.

“How was it?” Sasuke wasn’t sure whether he meant the kiss or the date, but Naruto answered anyway.

“The date was fine. It wasn’t like…it just seemed like normal spending time with Sakura. I think I’ve known her too long or something, I don’t really…it’s not like I would think a date would be. I was kind of surprised when she kissed me. It didn’t feel…like it feels with you.”

“Better or worse?” Sasuke affected a casual tone, but his eyes were watching Naruto take off his outer garments very closely, as if waiting to spot a lie or an omission.

“I…maybe I’m just not used to it, or something. It feels more natural with you.” Naruto explained. “I think…you might be right, what you said about her maybe liking me instead. She basically told me that she did.”

“What are you going to do?” Sasuke asked, taking off his own outer garments and climbing into bed with the young man.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I mean, I always wanted to be with her, right? But now I don’t know if I want that anymore. And then I don’t want to hurt her, after…well, you broke her heart, in case you didn’t know. You’ve always been too rough with her. I’m comfortable with her, I guess. I could try it for a while, see if I start to feel more…I don’t know. I guess…I know she’s attractive, and I like to look at her, but I don’t feel the way with her that I do when…”

“When?” Sasuke prompted, switching off the lamp and encircling Naruto’s form with his arms.

“Do you think…” he began after a long silence, during which Sasuke had suspected he had fallen asleep completely, “when you’re with someone that you’re…interested in, do you think that you’re not just interested in what they have to say, or what made them the person they are, but in other things too? Like…the way they might…you know…”

“How they taste?” Sasuke whispered huskily, “Or the color of their skin…how it would look against yours? Or the exact color of their eyes, the way they smell, or the way they feel next to you? What they would sound like if…if you were together?”

“Yeah…” Naruto sighed softly, contentedly, as Sasuke ran his fingers through his thick blonde locks. “That sort of stuff. I think that if you aren’t at all curious about that, then even if you think the person’s a lot of fun, you’ll never really be a good match. You need…the attraction thing, I guess.”

“I think so,” Sasuke breathed, his lips brushing against the heat of Naruto’s throat, causing the other boy to gasp quietly.

“Sasuke…can I ask you a weird question?” Naruto’s voice was soft and low, and Sasuke was surprised at how easily it turned his thoughts to an inappropriate path.

“Mmm,” Sasuke didn’t know why, but he couldn’t stop himself from kissing Naruto’s neck, sucking at the skin lightly. Naruto didn’t pull away, though, so he didn’t bother behaving himself. He had an inescapable need to remind Naruto of their relationship, to make him feel like the kisses he got from Sasuke were not only more familiar, but superior in every way. He could feel Naruto’s pulse speeding up as he continued to lavish attention on the juncture of his neck. Naruto let out a low moan and Sasuke shifted his body so that Naruto wouldn’t notice his arousal and become upset.

“It’s…hard for me to think…when you do that.” He pushed very lightly, and Sasuke regretfully pulled away, smiling to himself when he saw the small red mark he’d left behind. “I was wondering…how do you know you love me? What made you decide, I mean?”

“I don’t know,” Sasuke shrugged. “I realized when we were eating together one morning, but when I realized…you hadn’t done anything or said anything out of the ordinary. It was just this sudden moment where everything between us clicked in my mind. But I realized that I had loved you for a long time, I just hadn’t understood it. It took me a long time to even admit to myself I was attracted to you. I was…at the time, I really had hoped to repopulate the Uchiha clan after killing my brother. I had it all planned out, but then I started to realize that maybe there was a reason I wasn’t able to find a girl who really held any appeal for me. And when I finally realized the truth…well, you already know I didn’t handle it very well. I’m used to it now, though. And I’ve felt closer to you than anyone else for a long time, but that happens sometimes with normal friends, so I didn’t think about it too much until someone asked me…made me really think about it. I kept wondering, trying to force everything to make sense, but in the end, it just came together for me.”

“Oh,” Naruto sounded a bit disappointed, as though he had possibly expected a slightly more instructive explanation. Sasuke sighed heavily and attempted to explain it a bit better.

“I think about you all the time,” he began, feeling a bit foolish, but Naruto was watching him with a look of clear interest, so he began. “I want you to be happy, no matter what, but what I really want…I think, is for you to be happy with me. Knowing I can’t have that doesn’t do anything to change how I feel. It’s something that just keeps growing, even if it hurts. If I felt this strongly about you in the Valley of the End, I wouldn’t have been able to leave you, much less fight you. It can feel sometimes…like the worst pain, but it also makes me feel good, when you’re close to me, like this. I try to think of my future, and I can see a lot of different things happening, but no matter where I am or what I’m doing, you’re there with me. I can’t even imagine what it would be like without you, because it’s almost like you’re a part of me. If something happened to you…I wouldn’t know how to go on. I want you around all the time, but instead of just feeling satisfied to have you there, I just think about how I hope you don’t leave, how I need you more, and I’ll never get sick of it.

“Like if you really want ramen, and you have a bowl, but it just makes you hungrier than you were before?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke laughed, feeling the tension between them melt at the sound of their mingled laughter.

“Yeah, a lot like that.” Sasuke finally confirmed. “Does that answer your question?”

“I think so.” Naruto paused and then kissed Sasuke’s cheek. “I’m sorry, though. It doesn’t sound very fun, being in love.”

“It has its moments.” Sasuke answered, kissing Naruto on the lips. He only meant it to be a light peck, but Naruto pressed against him, and suddenly, their mouths were moving together, and Sasuke realized his tongue had found its way into Naruto’s mouth, but he was being welcomed instead of pushed away. He could feel Naruto’s tongue moving against his, just as inexpert as he was, both of them learning together the way they had learned things ever since being put on the same team. Although Sasuke felt this was a lot more fun than learning to focus chakra. He pulled away after a while to breathe, and unable to resist, kissed a path over Naruto’s jaw line, down the line of his neck, and over his throat before returning to his mouth. Naruto welcomed him once more, and Sasuke was feeling rather euphoric when he realized that he was achingly hard, and that his length was pressed firmly against Naruto’s hip. Yelping slightly, he pulled away, panting, and nearly ran to the bathroom, leaving a slightly confused blonde in the bed.

“Where are you going?” Naruto sounded worried, and Sasuke realized that perhaps the other man hadn’t noticed. He felt a wave of relief wash over him as he peeked back into the bedroom.

“I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll be back to bed in a minute.” He assured Naruto, who was frowning slightly in the dark, his lips swollen from kissing. Sasuke wanted badly to go back to the bed right then, to feel Naruto’s lips once more, to caress his skin and feel the soft hair, to feel their bodies pressed against each other, but he knew he would certainly do something to scare Naruto if he stayed in there any longer. Feeling like he would burst, he locked the bathroom door and pulled down his under-shorts, grasping his hot length and furiously pumping it, biting his lip to keep quiet, and feeling the same sort of disappointed necessity that he always felt when he did this. Images of Naruto popped up under his tightly shut eyelids. He saw the other man kissing him, grabbing him, working his length with his own tan, calloused hands, lowering himself, taking it in his mouth, and…

With a stifled grunt, Sasuke finished and cleaned up before pulling his shorts back up and returning to Naruto. He paused just outside the doorway, wondering if Naruto would be able to smell that musky scent on him even though he’d washed his hands twice. Willing his heartbeat to slow and his hands to stop trembling, Sasuke walked back into the room and climbed into bed. Naruto was facing the wall, and appeared to be asleep, but when Sasuke wrapped an arm around him and lightly kissed the back of his neck, Naruto let out a deep sigh and wiggled his body slightly, snuggling closer to the dark-haired ninja. Sasuke closed his eyes happily and fell asleep at once.

Naruto stayed awake for almost an hour, wondering what he’d done wrong, why Sasuke had rejected him. I wanted to make it up to him, but he would rather do it himself than use me. He said he didn’t like to…that he thought it was sad to do it alone, so why did he, when I was right here, ready for him to take?

----------

“Sakura wants to have another date.” Naruto mentioned as Sasuke and he sat together two months later, eating breakfast. “She keeps nagging me. Now I know what you used to feel like.”

“Yeah, pretty soon girls will try to trade sexual favors for me to get them a date with you.” Sasuke laughed, reminding him of the incident from when he’d first returned.

“I don’t know what I should do, though.” Naruto frowned slightly, “I like Sakura and everything…”

“Then just go.” Sasuke’s voice was suddenly stiff, harsh, and Naruto looked at him in speculative silence.

“You don’t think I should.” Naruto finally decided. “I can tell, you said I should go, but you looked pissed when you said it.”

“Maybe I’m angry you’re asking me to make your decisions for you.” Sasuke snapped. “Do you really think I want you to go out with Sakura, knowing how I feel?”

“Well, no.” Naruto admitted, and Sasuke angrily cleared his half-finished breakfast plate.

“Then don’t ask me unless you’re just looking for an excuse not to go!” Sasuke told him sharply before storming out of the room. Naruto had looked shocked at the sudden outburst, but Sasuke couldn’t help it. It was frustrating, sleeping next to the person he loved every night and knowing that if he did anything, things would get out of hand, and he’d end up either running to relieve himself in the bathroom (an increasingly frequent occurrence) or doing something that would make Naruto hate him forever. He felt it was extremely unfair for the other ninja to lead him on if they both knew that there would never be anything more than kisses and caresses. And why was Naruto always starting things if he was so concerned about Sakura? He needed to choose who he wanted to be with before Sasuke went insane from prolonged sexual frustration. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he looked out the window at the tree that grew in the courtyard, its branches swaying in the breeze, and wondered why he had to live in such constant torture. It had seemed almost wonderful at first, being in love with Naruto. But now he wished he could do something to dull the ache in him. He had hoped that Naruto would return his feelings at first, but it seemed clear now that that was impossible. He tried to keep distracted, thinking of the upcoming chuunin examination he knew they would both pass easily, but it didn’t help him forget Naruto to think of something that they were both going to do together.

“Sasuke?” Naruto didn’t bother knocking, and hadn’t for quite some time. He walked right in and climbed on the bed behind him, wrapping his arms and legs around the stiff-backed Sasuke. “Don’t be mad, come on. I was just talking. You know that I don’t want to go out with her, I just don’t want her to be upset. Come on,” he nuzzled against the back of Sasuke’s neck, and he felt his wall crumbling against the temptation. “I’ll do whatever you say, and if you say not to take her out, I won’t.”

“That’s not the point, Naruto,” Sasuke sighed wearily. “I don’t want you to tell her no because that’s what I said. I want you to tell her what you want to tell her.”

“But,” Naruto’s voice was hot against his ear as he pulled his legs back up and leaned over, trying to peer at Sasuke’s expression. “You want what I want to tell her to be no. Right?” Sasuke snorted, and Naruto laughed lightly. “You just have to say. Just tell me no, and I’ll tell her that.”

“Look, Naruto,” Sasuke edged away, but Naruto just took that as an invitation to sit beside him. “I don’t really understand this game you’re playing, but I’m not going to choose for you.”

“I just don’t want to hurt her,” Naruto told him sincerely. “But I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“It must be hard, having to juggle both of us.” Sasuke’s lips went thin in rage. “But I don’t want you to feel like you owe me or anything. Do what you want.”

“Fine, I’ll tell her no.” Naruto smiled softly. “Because I’d rather deal with an angry Sakura than an angry Sasuke.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke heaved a deep sigh, “I want you to leave.”

“Fine, grumpy,” Naruto pecked him on the cheek. “I’ll go do the dishes. I hope you’re in a better mood when I’m done.”

“No,” Sasuke breathed deeply and turned to face him. “I want you to leave. Leave my house. Not just this room.” There was a long silence between them, and it was clear Naruto was waiting for Sasuke to say something else, so he snapped out. “Go!”

“But…” Naruto was clearly shocked at the dawning realization that Sasuke was serious. “Why? What did I do? I was just teasing; I didn’t mean anything by it. Don’t be like this.”

“I said…leave,” Sasuke heaved, finding it hard to look directly at Naruto when he looked this upset.

“You said you loved me,” Naruto reminded him in an injured tone, “you said you always wanted me around. Did you change your mind?”

“Just because I say that doesn’t give you freedom to torture me.” Sasuke hissed, biting back the bitter tears that were trying to break free. “You think this is some game, to see how far you can push me before I strike back? Don’t you see how it…it hurts, Naruto.” He put a hand up to his eyes, not letting it drop until he was sure he wouldn’t start crying.

“Please, I didn’t want to hurt you,” Naruto slid off the bed and kneeled in front of Sasuke, looking up at him, his hands on the other man’s lap. “I never tried to hurt you, and I’m sorry if I did. I don’t care if it hurts Sakura. I’m not in love with her, and it isn’t worth leading her on if it’s going to torture you.” He stood up and leaned down, but Sasuke turned his head to avoid the kiss.

“Don’t,” Sasuke choked.

“Why don’t you want me anymore?” Naruto breathed, his lips moving so they were at his ear. “Is it because…because of what I did?”

“You didn’t do that, Naruto,” Sasuke sighed, realizing it was useless to resist, turning so his lips were nearly touching Naruto’s. “That was done to you, you didn’t have a choice, and it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“Then why?” Naruto pulled back a bit so they were facing each other. “Lately, when I try to kiss you, I feel like you want to run away from me.”

“I can’t…can’t risk what might happen.” Sasuke’s eyes lowered momentarily. “If I did that to you…I’d be the same as him.”

“No you wouldn’t.” Naruto assured him, leaning down for a brief, warm kiss. “I didn’t want Itachi.” At this, Sasuke felt his whole body go rigid, and he looked at Naruto in brief amazement before pulling him down so they were both on the bed, kissing him with a furious passion that had been kept at bay since he had first started to recognize its presence. He gripped Naruto’s wrists and flipped him over, leaving himself on top, feeling his lips bruising with the force of the kiss. He could taste blood, and he had no idea if it was his or Naruto’s. He didn’t care, it didn’t matter. Naruto wanted him! He felt as though those words had released something in him that he hadn’t even been aware of before. He released Naruto’s mouth, moving over his neck, biting at it sharply, licking at the coppery taste that swelled where he just barely broke through the skin. He could hear Naruto’s voice raised in a moan, and it was making him that much more excited, that much more desperate to finally have this thing he had been craving so long. His ears were buzzing so that he couldn’t hear the words coming out of his mouth, but he knew Naruto was saying something to him.

“I love you,” he growled possessively. “I’ll always love you.” He nearly tore off Naruto’s shirt, feeling the stitching pulling slightly under his hands as he tossed it aside and began attacking Naruto’s chest. He always wore a shirt to bed, and so Sasuke only saw him with his shirt off when he was coming out of the shower or changing, unless he pulled it off sometimes while training, when he got overheated. He had imagined the tan skin was hot, and had always wanted to taste it, to see if it was different from the rest of him, but it still tasted pleasantly of the familiar flavor of Naruto, and Sasuke licked and bit at it with abandon while yanking off Naruto’s pants, under shorts and all. He heard an alarmed yelp, and suddenly paused in his assault, his heart still beating so loudly that it was nearly impossible to concentrate. Looking up to make sure everything was okay, he was alarmed to see tears streaming down Naruto’s face. He realized suddenly that the moans, the words…he had been telling him to stop, begging him to stop, and Sasuke had just kept going, unable to see anything past his own desire.

“Oh my god,” Sasuke felt he was going to be sick. The terror in Naruto’s eyes was just the same as it had been on that day when they’d reunited. But at that time, it had been Itachi who had caused it, and now, this time, he had proved once and for all that he would never be any better than his brother. Naruto knew the truth now, of what would happen if Sasuke unleashed his desire. Maybe now he would see why Sasuke had kept such a tight reign on it before. “Naruto…I’m…I’m sorry!” the worst part of it was that he was hard, still completely achingly hard, as if the sight of Naruto crying was only adding to his excitement. With a sudden rush of disgust, Sasuke ran to the bathroom, and emptied his stomach into the toilet, retching and feeling tears spilling out of his eyes. He was no longer worried that Naruto would see him crying. He had seen something far worse than that.

“Is it…that bad?” Naruto hiccupped slightly, watching as Sasuke flushed the toilet and moved to rinse his mouth. “That…disgusting to be…with me?” he was still crying, scrubbing the tears out of his eyes, as if Sasuke wouldn’t know they were there, and Sasuke wanted to hide from the sorrow etched on that face.

“I’m the one who’s disgusting.” Sasuke sunk to the floor, his head falling in his hands as he felt the silent tears continue to fall. “I forced you. After everything I said, after all that time trying so hard to be gentle…I’m worse than him. I made you trust me, and then I…I lost it.”

“No,” Naruto was there beside him, Sasuke could hear the proximity of the voice, and Sasuke wished he’d bothered to put some clothes on. “No, you weren’t forcing me. I told you to go ahead.”

“You were crying, Naruto.” Sasuke looked up, and saw that Naruto was shocked to see that he was crying as well. “You were begging me to stop, and I just kept going.”

“I got scared.” Naruto admitted, seeming suddenly guilty. “I didn’t realize that would happen. I didn’t realize you would be so…excited. But I’ll get used to it, and pretty soon I won’t get upset at all.”

“That’s not what I want, Naruto.” Sasuke told him flatly. “If you don’t want me, I can’t…just do it until you get used to it. That isn’t what it’s about. I don’t want to rape you, I want to make love to you. I want you to want it as bad as I do. I want you to feel as good as I do. I don’t want to scare you or make you cry. I want it to bring us closer, not push us apart. And I know you thought you could just…just let me take what I wanted and not feel anything, but it doesn’t work that way. I want you to feel something, but not this,” Sasuke brushed his fingers over the damp cheeks. “Why would you even tell me you wanted me if you didn’t?”

“I…well, I want you to stay with me, I want you to keep thinking you love me,” Naruto answered, flushing slightly, his face suddenly looking blotchier than before. “And I thought that if I turned you away, you’d realize that you didn’t really love me, you just wanted to see…if it was good at all. I wanted to give you anything…anything so that you wouldn’t leave. I know it might hurt like it did back then, but if you liked it, maybe you’d stay with me a while.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke felt like his heart was breaking, hearing him talk like that. “What do you mean? How can you think that if you didn’t…didn’t just let me take whatever I wanted, that I’d leave you? Didn’t I swear I would never go from you again? Didn’t I swear that I love you? Why don’t you believe me? How can I make you trust me again?”

“Well…I mean, you know everything about me.” Naruto shrugged. “You know about Kyuubi, you know what Itachi did to me, you…saw him doing it. I told you…everything that happened. I’m…no good. Itachi saw that I wanted you, and he said…said it wouldn’t matter to me whether it was you or him, because I was just…an animal, and when he did it to me…it hurt, but I still…I still came, and I knew everything he said was true. How could you love someone like me? I trust you, Sasuke. I know you think you love me, but how could you, really?”

“How can you be so stupid?” Sasuke hissed, angry at the self-deprecating way Naruto talked about himself. “It’s not your fault your body responded, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Naruto, do you know how much it hurts to know you think so little of yourself? I love you, I do. I don’t just think that. If this isn’t love, I think that feeling it would kill me, because I can’t imagine anything being stronger than this. I don’t see how anyone can not love you. Don’t you see how everyone you meet, no matter what they’ve thought of you before, no matter what a stuck up asshole they are, they can’t help but love you, even just a little bit? That’s the only thing that kept me from thinking I had become truly evil when I was with Orochimaru, knowing that I still cared about you so much…I knew that the day I stopped caring, my soul was lost, but as long as you were in my thoughts, I would do what was right, even if it wasn’t the most straightforward path.”

Naruto sniffled slightly, struck speechless by this diatribe. Sasuke leaned forward, latching his arm around Naruto’s neck so that their foreheads pressed against each other, and he closed his eyes, sighing softly. “Don’t let people like me take anything we want from you. You’re important to me, and it hurts when you throw yourself away like that.”

“I wouldn’t let just anyone,” Naruto breathed. “You’re different.”

“For now.” Sasuke kissed his forehead and smiled sadly at him. “When you meet someone who can actually treat you the way you deserve, you’ll see what I was really like.”

“I…I don’t want someone else.” Naruto frowned. “I need you.”

“Eventually, you’ll be able to sleep just fine without me.” Sasuke assured him. “You won’t have those nightmares forever.”

“I…well, I don’t really have them anymore.” Naruto admitted. “Well…sometimes. But I’ve been able to sleep on my own for weeks.”

“Wh…what?” Sasuke was thoroughly confused. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I like sleeping with you.” Naruto explained, fidgeting slightly. “I think…maybe we should move in together.”

“I don’t know if I could handle that.” Sasuke breathed out shakily. “I almost…just now, I almost lost control, and if we were living together…”

“I don’t care if you lose control.” Naruto burst out. “I know that it hurts, and I don’t care. I won’t cry next time, I swear.”

“Naruto, I don’t want you to just hold it in.” Sasuke told him solemnly. “I want you to want it, too.”

“I do want it!” Naruto exclaimed, exasperated. “Haven’t you heard anything I’ve said? I want you! I want us to do that,” he pointed to the bedroom, referring to what had been happening a few minutes ago, “without having to think of him! I want every time you touch me, every time you kiss me, everything you do to me, only to think of you! I don’t know how to get there without you hurting me, but that seems worth it if we can be together that way.”

“If…if you really want that,” Sasuke shivered slightly, “we don’t have to do it that way. If…I mean, don’t you think that maybe if we started with…maybe if you were on top, or we just went slower at first, if I could be…careful, then I think we can get there without anyone getting hurt. Don’t you think?”

“That seems like it could take a long time.” Naruto sounded doubtful.

“It would be fun,” Sasuke smiled wickedly. “Trust me.”

“Okay!” Naruto slammed a fist down into his palm, as though they were agreeing to some battle strategy. “Let’s get started!”

Sasuke laughed lightly as Naruto pulled him over to the bed, all childish excitement, his standard gung-ho attitude apparently translating easily to this situation as well. He was still completely naked, which helped Sasuke feel better about them fooling around right after what had just happened. That, and the fact that Naruto insisted on pulling all Sasuke’s clothes off, and as he did, Sasuke noted with faint surprise that Naruto was hard. It seemed he really did want this.

Still, Sasuke knew they wouldn’t be having sex that morning, and probably wouldn’t even reach that step for quite some time. He didn’t feel as frustrated now that he knew that Naruto wanted him, though. Somehow, knowing that, sharing kisses and letting their lean, naked forms press against each other, was enough for him. He was painfully hard, and his length was rubbing against Naruto’s as they moved slowly against each other, their hips seeming to press together of their own volition. They didn’t even touch each other there, though Sasuke was thinking about grabbing Naruto’s length and working it so that the other man could have release, when Naruto pulled away from a long kiss, gasping and moaning, clutching suddenly at Sasuke’s ass and moving furiously, his eyes closed as he kept muttering something unintelligible under his breath, and it was a matter of moments before Sasuke felt his own grip on reality slipping, as Naruto came on his stomach in thick spurts, his fingers digging painfully into Sasuke’s flesh as he called out his name. Sasuke went over the edge at the sound and feel of Naruto coming, and he felt his own completion suddenly, and knew with a sleepy sort of wonder that they were both sweaty and, their chests and stomachs were covered in their mingled juices, and the room smelled thickly of their mixed musk, and he was so happy he wanted to cry. Instead, he kissed Naruto’s eyelids and groped about on the floor until he found a towel he used to lovingly clean off his friend, my lover, now, he thought suddenly. Then he wiped himself down and tossed the towel away, collapsing back onto Naruto, feeling like the world could not possibly be more perfect than it was in that moment, and knowing he had Naruto to thank for this happiness.

“I love you,” he breathed into Naruto’s ear, shifting so that he could pull a blanket over both of them.

“That was fun,” Naruto sounded half asleep, and Sasuke let out a drunken sounding chuckle before they both fell asleep, naked and tangled in each other’s arms.

----------

“It’s weird to see this place empty.” Naruto sighed heavily as he picked up the last box and looked around him at the bare apartment he’d grown up in.

“If you want to live here, it’s not too late to change your mind.” Sasuke told him, hefting the box in his own arms. “I told you, I wasn’t going to make you live in my place if you’d rather be here. No one was ever slaughtered here, that’s a point up for this place.”

“I like your place better.” Naruto leaned over, stretching to kiss Sasuke, who stretched as well to meet him. “That’s where we…you know, we first…got together.”

“I guess that’s one point for my place.” Sasuke grinned, aware that he probably looked dopey and not caring, since only Naruto could see him now, anyway. “And I guess it is bigger.”

“And no rent. What’s the point of us paying rent when you own a compound?” Naruto added, going over the points of the discussion they’d had two weeks ago, after first deciding to move in together. After their talk, and their first real sexual experience together, they had still maintained separate households for a week before Naruto brought it up again, and after much talk, they had decided to live together in the Uchiha compound.

“It’ll be nice to have some newer, happier memories there.” Sasuke admitted and Naruto smiled at him. “Ready?”

“Goodbye, apartment! Thanks for all your years of good service!” Naruto exclaimed, and Sasuke laughed before they both left the building, making their way back to Sasuke’s…no, now it was their place.

“Do you think we should tell Sakura?” Sasuke brought up the subject that was the biggest point of contention between them. She knew they were moving in together, as they’d told her the same day that Sasuke’s restrictions had been lifted, but they had made it sound like a normal roommate situation, and Naruto wasn’t sure he was ready to tell her exactly what was going on between Sasuke and him, even though he’d already told her that he didn’t think that he wanted to be in a romantic relationship with her anymore, which Sasuke knew had been very hard on him, since he hated hurting people’s feelings.

“We’ll tell her,” Naruto responded, his voice grim, “just…I only told her that things weren’t going to work between us a couple weeks ago. I think we should wait a while, so that she has a little time…”

“Right,” Sasuke wanted to be impatient, but it was hard when he knew that Naruto’s caring heart and compassion were one of the things he loved about the blonde ninja. At the same time, he wanted everyone to know about them. He wanted Naruto to finally say that he loved him back more than anything, but he didn’t know how to ask for that, so he settled for asking to make their relationship public, instead. At Naruto’s request, he hadn’t even told Kakashi, though he was almost positive their sensei knew the truth, just from looking at how they acted around each other. Sasuke tried not to be obviously besotted, but he had a hard time acting cool and pretending to have a normal friendship when he was sparring with Naruto and all he could think of was getting home so that he could spend hours making out naked.

They didn’t do anything more than that yet. Sasuke would occasionally work Naruto off when things got to the point where Naruto was excited, his length leaking as he tried to hold it in and failed miserably. However, Naruto still hadn’t touched Sasuke that way yet, and Sasuke wasn’t about to ask him to. It had to be clear to Naruto from the way he would either come while they were still together, or how he would toss and turn before going to the bathroom to “take care of it” that Sasuke would welcome any attention, so he wasn’t going to force the subject any more than he was going to ask Naruto to say whether or not he loved him.

He’s in control, I wonder if he realizes. Sasuke watched in bemused wonder as Naruto set down the box and said something about making them ramen for lunch before running off to the kitchen. I’m completely under his control. Anything he wants, I’ll do. Anything he gives me, I’m satisfied. I want him so much, I’ll take whatever I can get, and he comes away without feeling like he has to give me anything. This is what it’s like to love someone who can’t bring themselves to love you back.

Realizing that this was what he’d been fearing for the past few weeks, Sasuke felt his heart speed up as though he was having a panic attack. What if he realizes he won’t ever love me, and he leaves? How will I go on without him? It was horrifying to realize that he needed Naruto more now than he had before. Why did it keep getting worse? Was he losing his mind?

“I wanted to tell Iruka-sensei, though.” Naruto’s voice brought him back to the present, and Sasuke turned, reaching up to accept the cup of ramen Naruto was offering him. “I hate keeping things from him, and you said that Kakashi and him are…well, so I thought he would understand. Do you think that’s okay?”

“That’s fine.” Sasuke nodded, “He’ll probably tell Kakashi, though. I don’t think they keep a lot of secrets from each other.”

“That’s okay, I think Kakashi knows.” Naruto shrugged, plopping down beside Sasuke with his own cup of ramen. “The other day he said something about wedded bliss and us…yeah, I don’t know that he knows, but I think he suspects. As long as he doesn’t tell Sakura until we’re ready.”

“I can talk to him.” Sasuke leapt on the chance to share his relationship with someone, anyone. Just to prove to himself and to the rest of the world that this was real, that Naruto had actually chosen to be with him. “It would be better that he heard the truth from us anyway, don’t you think?”

“Okay,” Naruto nodded, tilting his head back to scoop an obscene amount of ramen into his mouth. Sasuke continued with his own lunch, trying not to laugh at the constantly comic images Naruto presented him with. It was odd that he could have such serious feelings for him, and still find that Naruto was able to make him laugh easily. A minute ago I was panicking, thinking that he might leave me, might not love me, and now all I can think of is how lucky I am to be with him.

“I was going to tell you,” Sasuke remembered something suddenly, his face breaking into a full smile this time. “I saw Sai and Sakura together the other day. I think they were on a date.”

“Really?” Naruto frowned slightly. “Well, if that’s true, she moves on pretty fast.”

“Don’t pout.” Sasuke teased. “Are you jealous?”

“No, not really, it just doesn’t seem fair. It took her forever to get over you.” Naruto explained, draining his ramen. “But then, I guess Sai does look a little like you.”

“What?” Sasuke frowned. “He does not. That’s ridiculous.”

“You’re so vain,” Naruto rolled his eyes and reached over, helping himself to some of Sasuke’s ramen. “He looks almost just like you, but with a haircut and a belly shirt.”

“So…do you think he’s attractive?” Sasuke asked, sounding as casual as possible, and Naruto laughed so hard he nearly squirted ramen out his nose.

“I don’t understand you.” Naruto took away Sasuke’s empty ramen cup and set it aside, crawling over closer to the other. “You grew up with a horde of fan-girls, and you’re worried that I’m going to leave you because someone looks kind of like you? How can you be so unsure?”

“I just…” Sasuke knew the answer to that. He knew girls thought he was attractive, and Naruto said that he did, too. But if someone looked like him and wasn’t crazy like Itachi, wouldn’t that mean he would be just as good for someone like Naruto who didn’t love him? And he knew, secretly, that Sai looked like him. Would Naruto prefer the other ninja? “Sometimes I feel like you don’t have any real reason to be with me, so if someone kind of like me came along, you could just…”

“You’re such an idiot sometimes.” Naruto pushed Sasuke down gently to the tatami mats, climbing on top of him and leaning down, his mouth inches from Sasuke’s. “You think I’m with you for your pretty face or your high-maintenance hair?”

“I…I don’t know.” Sasuke admitted, licking his lips as Naruto’s breath puffed down over his own lips.

“Let me show you,” he breathed, and leaned down, kissing Sasuke warmly, one hand moving to tangle in the mess of raven locks. Sasuke wasn’t sure what this was demonstrating, exactly, but he knew that Naruto kissing him and grinding into him on the floor of their house seemed fabulous, and he wasn’t about to question it. He gasped in shock as he felt warm fingers wrap around his length, and had a brief moment of wonder at the fact that he hadn’t even noticed his pants coming down. “I want you to know how you make me feel,” Naruto’s voice was barely a whisper, husky and trembling as he worked Sasuke, squeezing and pulling, kissing and licking at his neck, his jaw, his ears, his lips. “You are beautiful, but that’s not why I’m here.” Naruto continued, still moving his hand, his other hand having found Sasuke’s fingers at some point, pressing their entwined hands down beside Sasuke’s head. “When I’m with you, everything bad goes away, and I feel like I belong.” He grunted slightly as Sasuke bucked upward, feeling close, feeling like his whole body would explode from this. He had never thought something so simple could feel so good, so right. “I belong to you, Sasuke. I’m not going anywhere.” With those last words, Sasuke bucked up and came, spurting a hot stream over his own stomach as well as Naruto’s, getting the juice all over their shirts.

“I love you,” Sasuke panted, his eyes shut as though he was still afraid they might burst from his skull. “I love you.”

“I know,” Naruto kissed his eyelids and paused. “You’re crying. Are you okay?”

“I love you.” Sasuke answered, and Naruto chuckled.

----------

“Well,” Kakashi spoke after listening to Sasuke talk for possibly longer than he’d ever thought his student could speak without being forced to. “I could tell there was something there, but this takes away the fun of teasing you about something that I don’t know is just my imagination.” With that, he pulled out his book, and flipped it open, seemingly finished with the conversation. Sasuke waited for quite some time, and then sighed in exasperation

“Don’t you have anything else to say?” Sasuke asked, feeling a bit aggravated. He’d definitely expected more of a reaction than that.

“What do you mean?” Kakashi lowered his book, not closing it, but facing Sasuke once more. “Were you expecting some sort of congratulations? Because if I were to congratulate anyone, it would be Naruto on getting you to care about anything but revenge. It should make it much easier to keep from having to relive the drama you created when you left the village last time. What a hassle.”

“Well,” Sasuke ignored the dig, desperate for something a little more useful. Kakashi could be irritating and perverted, but he was also very smart, and Sasuke had hoped for some tidbit of wisdom here. “Don’t you have advice? I mean, Iruka and you—“

“This is nothing like that.” Kakashi frowned at him. “No one knows about us…well, except you. I’m sure you told Naruto, as well, now? Anyway, we don’t live together, so unlike your situation, it would be a bit harder for observers to figure out what’s going on. And anyway, neither of us has the Council breathing down our necks, nagging us to marry some girl and create a whole little tribe of Uchihas.”

“How do you know about that?” Sasuke’s voice cracked slightly, and Kakashi laughed, stowing his book back in his emergency pack.

“Iruka is close to the Hokage and to the Council. He likes to know what’s going on in the village all the time, not least of all because it most often concerns someone that is of mutual interest to you.” Kakashi explained.

“Naruto.” Sasuke’s face was grim. “I wish they’d leave him alone. I wish they’d leave both of us alone to just live how we like.”

“Really?” Kakashi tilted his head, “It seems to me that if Naruto wants to be Hokage, he should have a better chance if his name is always being mentioned, especially in connection with great things he’s achieved. Like bringing back the last Uchiha. Although, certainly the Council won’t be happy to learn that they’re not going to get any heirs out of you, and they may blame Naruto for the loss of a bloodline limit so powerful it made them forgive a missing nin.”

“Oh,” Sasuke suddenly felt like an idiot. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You should have.” Kakashi told him. “You have been alone so long you forget to think of what effect your choices could have on those around you. This isn’t the first time you’ve done something without thinking of how it might hurt the person most dear to you. You come to me and tell me that you are in love, and that you are moving in with him, and I have to ask you if you even understand what that means?”

“What are you saying?” Sasuke scowled. “Of course I love him. I wouldn’t say that without being sure of it.”

“I don’t doubt that you love him.” Kakashi raised his hand defensively. “But even a baby who knows nothing can feel love. Most people would show love in a selfish way, taking from the other, refusing to see that they’re hurting this person they care about so much. Refusing to let that person make any of their own choices, forcing them to do exactly as they want, as if they can trap the other person into feeling the way they do, as if there’s nothing else in the world but the two of them. If you’ve really grown, if you really care what happens to Naruto from his point of view, not just focusing on whether it means you are happy or not, you should think about how this can hurt his chances to be the Hokage. Naruto cares about you, and he helped you achieve your dream. But if you aren’t careful, you’ll smash his own dreams without realizing what you’ve done.”

“Are you saying,” Sasuke felt he might suffocate under the weight of his sudden panic, “that Naruto and I…that there’s no way for him to be happy if I stay with him?”

“I’m not saying that,” Kakashi shook his head slowly, “I’m saying that this is the risk of recklessly moving in together, of making your relationship public. That’s what you plan to do, isn’t it? I’m sure Naruto’s working up to telling Sakura because he’s concerned about her reaction, and then after that, you want to tell everyone?”

“When you’re in love…don’t you want the world to know?” Sasuke felt a despairing ache in his chest, and Kakashi’s dry chuckle was like a knife digging into him.

“Of course you do,” he patted Sasuke’s shoulder. “You seem to think that I’m not in love with Iruka. But if you had asked me why we keep our relationship secret, I could have told you that it’s for his sake.”

“How do you mean?” Sasuke asked, feeling very foolish for having never thought of this before.

“I don’t care what the Council thinks of me, or the rest of Konoha. For a long time now, I’ve known that other people’s opinions don’t affect me. However, Iruka is a teacher at the ninja academy, and he loves his job. He isn’t poor, he doesn’t need the job, and if he lost it, I would be happy to support him with the income I get, which is hefty. But if it became known that he was in a romantic relationship with another man, it would probably cost him that job. The Council is full of older folks, and many of them can tend to be…closed-minded. That’s saying nothing of the various parents who would take issue with a gay man teaching their children. You’re not stupid, Sasuke. You know that people are not as accepting of us as they could be. Didn’t you think of how that might hurt Naruto’s chances to be Hokage? He’s trying to overcome being despised for something that wasn’t his choice, and you’re forcing him into a choice that could make him despised all over again.”

“I’m not forcing him.” Sasuke replied stubbornly, trying to hide the doubts in his heart.

“If you want him to tell everyone, he will,” Kakashi opened his book again and glanced down. “Naruto wouldn’t think twice about sacrificing his future for you. He loves you, too, and he never does anything partway.”

“Does he?” Sasuke asked, more to himself than the surprised looking Kakashi.

----------

“Wow, Naruto.” Iruka failed to repress a smile as the young man finished his excited explanation. “That sounds…”

“Great! It’s great, Iruka-sensei.” He beamed in pleasure at the unexpected happiness of sharing the truth with his old friend.

“Yes, well,” Iruka was finding it hard to be serious with the happy energy rolling off of Naruto. “Does he love you?”

“Yeah, which is weird, but—“

“That’s not weird, Naruto.” Iruka sighed, suddenly serious again. “Sometimes I wish you had your life to do over again so everyone could treat you properly this time, and then maybe you’d see how amazing you are.”

“Sasuke’s always saying that stuff.” Naruto flushed deeply. “I just don’t think I’ll ever see things the same as him.”

“It’s a good thing he realizes how lucky he is.” Iruka ruffled his hair, even though Naruto was really too old for that sort of thing. “And you love him?”

“Hmm,” Naruto didn’t answer, looking down at his hands before looking back up, back straight. “Do you love Kakashi-sensei?”

“Uh…I suppose Sasuke told you about that?” Iruka recovered quite well from the surprise, and at Naruto’s impatient nod, he nodded in return. “Yes, I love him. I know a man no one else does. He keeps himself hidden all the time, even around you three, he won’t take his mask down. He’s a very good man, even if he’s a bit of a lech.” They both laughed at that. “But you didn’t answer my question, Naruto.”

“I don’t know…I guess I do.” Naruto flushed and shifted uncomfortably. “It’s weird to think about, though, because how I feel about him now is a lot different from when we were twelve, but a lot of it’s the same. Does that make sense?” Iruka nodded and he continued. “Well, so it makes me think, does that mean I loved him then? And if I did, what’s wrong with me that I had no idea? It seems like I couldn’t really see how I felt until things started to…grow between us. I feel…really happy with him, and I can forget things that hurt me to think about. But the greatest thing is that if I am upset about something, he knows what to do, because he knows everything about me. So I thought maybe to love someone you have to know all of them, but I don’t think I know all of Sasuke. Sometimes I’m still not sure what he’s thinking, or what he’ll do.”

“I never thought I’d say this,” Iruka failed to repress a grin. “But Naruto, you’re thinking about this too hard. It’s not as complicated as that. You don’t need to know everything about someone to love them. And I know you don’t think so, but I bet you still surprise Sasuke. That’s just being in a relationship, and it doesn’t mean you love him or not. Don’t think about it so hard. When you love someone, there’s no real logic to it.”

“How did you know you loved Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asked suddenly.

“Well…I was going through my things one day, and I came across a picture of my parents. I was thinking of how I lost my family, and then I just suddenly thought that it was okay, because he was my family now, and I was happy with him.” Iruka explained, blushing lightly.

“Sometimes I think of you like family, Iruka.” Naruto told him in a quiet tone. “Like a big brother or an uncle.”

“I know, I think of you as family, too, Naruto.” Iruka smiled warmly. “I love you, but it’s not the same way I feel about Kakashi. Does that make sense?”

“It does. Thanks a lot!” and without saying anything else, Naruto leapt up, giving Iruka a spontaneous hug before leaving in a hurry.

----------

“Hey, I’m home!” Naruto called out happily as he entered the front door. He loved living with someone. It had been odd to think about, and he had worried Sasuke wouldn’t let him do anything the way he wanted, but that wasn’t the case at all. Sasuke was as pleased to have him there as Naruto was to be there. They kept doing special things for each other, and everything was going wonderfully, even though it had barely been a week. Maybe soon I’ll even finish unpacking. At this thought, he snickered slightly and looked over at the stack of half empty boxes in the main room. “Sasuke! I’m home!” he called out again, and when no response came, he shrugged lightly. “Guess he’s not here.” He muttered, moving toward the boxes. It would be a nice surprise if the unpacking was done when he came home.

He had finished one of the boxes off and was about to tackle another when he heard the door, and perked up at the thought of the other ninja’s return. “Hey, Sasuke!” he dropped what he was doing and went back to the front door, where the man in question was slowly taking his shoes off, his eyes lowered. “Welcome home!” he exclaimed, but Sasuke just sighed and didn’t look up. Naruto’s brow furrowed at this unexpectedly cool reaction. “Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“No, I’m fine.” Sasuke answered, his tone guarded. “I’m just not always as energetic as you, Naruto. I need a rest sometimes.”

“Oh.” Naruto felt hurt, but he was sure Sasuke didn’t mean to sound cruel at all. That was just the way Sasuke was. “That’s okay, I’m sorry.”

“I’m going to go lay down for a bit.” Sasuke told him, walking past without so much as a kiss or a glance.

“I’ll come with you,” Naruto did his best to not sound excited, as that had already upset Sasuke and that wasn’t what he wanted.

“No, I need to rest.” Sasuke snapped. “I’m too tired to put up with you wiggling around. I want a nap.”

“Oh.” Naruto wasn’t sure what he’d done to make Sasuke angry, and he felt unaccountably guilty as the dark-haired man went into their bedroom and slammed the door. Naruto stared at the door in shock, feeling a choking tightness build up in his chest and throat before he swiped away the dampness in his eyes and went back to unpacking. He wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong, but he thought by doing this thing, he could renew Sasuke’s excitement to be living together, and maybe win his forgiveness.

It was another couple of hours before he finished and disposed of the boxes, and Naruto felt a liquid warmth seeping through him at the sudden reaffirmation that Sasuke and he both lived here. They were lovers. They were family.

Cheerful again, Naruto made dinner, and then knocked on the bedroom door. There was no answer, so he went inside, prepared to wake up Sasuke and make up for that afternoon. But when he looked into the dark room, Sasuke was already awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, a somber expression on his face.

“Sasuke,” Naruto laughed nervously as he walked over to the other young man. “I thought you were sleeping. Why didn’t you answer when I knocked?” There was no answer, so Naruto knelt down, smiling up at Sasuke’s frown. “I made dinner, if you’re hungry. And I unpacked everything.” Sasuke simply blinked at him and Naruto felt his smile fade. “Look, I can tell you’re annoyed, and I’m sorry for whatever I did. I’m trying to make it up to you, but I don’t know what you want. Just tell me, and I’ll do it, because I really—“

“This was a bad idea.” Sasuke cut him off, and Naruto went silent. “We shouldn’t be living together.” Naruto looked horrified, and then slowly began to laugh. “No,” Sasuke cut him off again. “I’m serious. We need to see if we can get your apartment back. I can pay the deposit and whatever else since I made you leave it in the first place.”

“But…why?” Naruto was dumbstruck. “If…if something about me bothers you, I can change it. I mean, I thought…I love living together, and I thought you did, too. Give me a chance, I can fix it, whatever it is!”

“I can help you pack.” Was Sasuke’s reply. Naruto’s face screwed up in misery and he fled the room, leaving Sasuke to feel horrible on his own.

But it’s better this way. He’ll be happier. I wish he could see I was doing this for his sake, and it hurts me more than he can ever imagine.

----------

“You told him what?!” Iruka yelped, his eyes going wide. “Why would you tell him that?”

“I was trying to help.” Kakashi’s mouth felt dry. He hated when Iruka was upset with him. “They would have found out the cost of their relationship the hard way, otherwise. I was trying to protect Naruto.”

“Do you think he wants that kind of protection?” Iruka rubbed at his forehead. “Naruto’s said himself that he wasn’t fit to be Hokage if he could just give up on his friends. How do you think he’d feel about choosing to be Hokage over staying with his lover?”

“Hm,” Kakashi paused thoughtfully. “That is a good point.”

“Yes, yes it is.” Iruka snapped irritably. “Honestly, you’ve been his teacher for years now, and it’s as if you don’t know him at all.”

“You were always better at understanding people than I was.” Kakashi told him, and Iruka snorted irritably.

“It’s a little late for flattery.” He rubbed unconsciously at the scar across his nose and leaned back on the couch wearily. “I don’t really see why you felt the need to interfere. Naruto talked to me, and I only encouraged him. Why couldn’t you do something like that?”

“I saw parallels in our situations, and I wanted to help Sasuke and Naruto be as happy as us.” Kakashi admitted, and Iruka smiled slightly.

“Kakashi, they’re a lot different than we are.” He chuckled slightly. “Just look at all the obstacles Naruto has already overcome. Like he’d let the Council’s disapproval of their relationship get in the way of him doing what he wants. I wish I had half his will.”

“You wish we lived together, don’t you.” Kakashi stated, leaning over and kissing Iruka’s temple.

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “But neither of us are under enough scrutiny for it to really matter. As it is, we’re almost always together anyway, either you coming over here, or me over at your place. Either no one pays enough attention to notice, or they’ve all decided to turn a blind eye as long as we play at keeping it secret. Knowing that I could lose my job…I would be upset, but it would be worth it, I think, to tell everyone how I feel about you, to let you tell everyone how you feel about me.”

“You’re such a romantic, Iruka.” Kakashi smiled. “But I’m happier knowing you can keep doing what you love than I would be telling everyone that you’re off limits. I know that you couldn’t hope to find a man more mysterious and wonderful than I am, so I’m quite secure.”

“If only you were wonderful at advising your students.” Iruka shook his head ruefully. “I’m probably going to have to fix this, now.”

“Honestly, I’m sure those two will work it out for themselves.” Kakashi had a predatory gleam in his eye as he removed his mask. “You need to learn to let the students have some independence.”

“You just don’t want to go apologize for messing things up.” he felt a slow smile curl his lips as Kakashi carefully began taking off Iruka’s vest.

“No, of course not.” Kakashi countered, smiling wickedly. “There are things I’d rather be doing, though.”

----------

Naruto had wandered through the Uchiha compound for some time before finally just laying down in one of the many unused rooms, attempting to fall asleep despite the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking of Sasuke.

Looking around the compound, a possible solution to the question had presented itself. This place is so big, and there’s only ever going to be just us in here. But if he found a girl that he could…they could have kids, and start to fill these rooms again. Sasuke had said that repopulating the Uchiha clan didn’t concern him, but was that really true? There was pressure from the Council, and then Naruto thought of how it must feel for him, living in this utterly empty home that had once been full of family. He could have changed his mind. Even if he doesn’t think he can make things work with a woman, I’m sure he could if he wanted it badly enough.

Then something else occurred to Naruto. Something that he tried not to think of, but that constantly haunted him. He keeps remembering what I did, and he finally sees that I’ll always be dirty, I’ll never be good enough to deserve him. He said that he didn’t think that kind of thing…but it wouldn’t be the first time Sasuke’s lied to me. He was just trying to protect my feelings. He probably thought he could learn to ignore that part of me, but I bet…every time he sees me…especially when we’re together…

Thoughts whirled through his mind, doubts haunting him as he gradually gave in to exhaustion, crying himself to sleep. Part of him hoped, however faintly, that Sasuke would come and find him and apologize, or say it was a mistake, and that he wanted to go on living together, that he didn’t mean any of what he’d said. But Naruto wasn’t surprised when nothing like that happened.

I need to get used to being alone again. He doesn’t want me anymore, and that’s all there is to it. Then a thought struck Naruto, a desperate, foolish thought. He does want me, though, I know he wants things from me. That’s what got us this far. Maybe…if I can remind him of that, if I give myself to him, then maybe he’ll stay with me a little longer.

The idea that Sasuke would allow something like that made Naruto feel vaguely queasy, but he had to try something. He couldn’t just let this go. It was the most important thing he’d ever had, and if he had to sacrifice himself, and his comfort, and his dignity…it was worth it. He knew it would be worth it.

Even if I hate it, if Sasuke likes it…it will be good. I’ll be able to ignore how much it hurts if I can see him look at me like he did and say that he loves me still.

Trembling from head to toe, Naruto walked down the corridors to Sasuke’s room and entered quietly without knocking. His chest felt tight, his breathing uneven, and he could feel his stomach churning in nervous fear. Sasuke was still asleep, and Naruto wasn’t really surprised by this. Fingers twitching and slipping, he slowly removed all of his clothes and then climbed into the bed next to him. The movement of the mattress caused Sasuke’s eyes to blink open wearily, and seeing Naruto’s face before him, he smiled sleepily and gave him a wet, sleepy kiss, wrapping his arms around the other young man.

“Mmm, you’re warm.” He mumbled, breathing in deeply as he snuggled closer to Naruto’s body, seeming content to lie there without anything further. Naruto wracked his mind for something to say, something to do that would push Sasuke forward. The tension was almost killing him, he just wanted to get this over with. He reached down, sliding his hand into the under shorts Sasuke was wearing and found that he was already half-hard. Grabbing the hot length, he began moving his hand, leaning forward to capture Sasuke’s sleepy moan in his own mouth. His heart was beating painfully against his chest, and he felt sure that he was probably crying, but it was still dark enough that he felt confident Sasuke wouldn’t notice.

Sasuke’s own hands were moving now, one of them working Naruto’s own slowly hardening length, the other clutching at the back of his neck. He kept moaning, and somehow, this vocal reminder that he was with Sasuke was helping to calm Naruto down, to resolve his purpose, and he realized that there was no point wasting time. Sasuke was hard now, and he moved himself about so that he had his entrance poised against the tip, and before the groggy ninja could realize what was happening, Naruto pushed himself down hard, feeling tears spilling down his cheeks at the horrid, ripping pain. He tried to concentrate on everything else. On the feel of Sasuke’s hands on him, on the look of amazed wonder in his eyes, on the caressing sound of Sasuke’s voice as he called out Naruto’s name, but all at once, everything froze, and the look in Sasuke’s eyes turned into one of horrified surprise.

“What…did you just…” Sasuke seemed to be unable to find any way to say what he wanted, and he was still finding it hard to move. Naruto painfully moved himself up and down, and could feel from the tension in Sasuke’s muscles that he was trying desperately not to move, not to call out.

“You can have me, Sasuke,” Naruto encouraged him. “You can have anything from me, and I’ll be happy if you just stay with me, if you just love me still. I can’t go on without you. I’ll do…anything.” He winced as he moved slightly and the pain radiated through him.

“This…this isn’t right…” Sasuke began to move very slowly, his body staying still as his hands found Naruto’s hips, and pulled upward, lifting him up, and Naruto bit his lip to repress the cry of pain that was struggling to come free, bracing himself to have Sasuke slam back into him. It hurt, but he was determined it would hurt less than it had with Itachi. “Naruto…why would you do that?” Sasuke had completely removed himself from his aching entrance and was now looking into Naruto’s eyes, as though looking for answers there. “Why would you do that?” he repeated.

“I…I thought I could remind you that…that you want me, and then maybe you’d love me still.” Naruto felt his tears redouble now that he realized it wouldn’t work, that Sasuke was immune to him now. “I thought you still would…I’m sorry, I can go.”

“No,” Sasuke’s arms tightened like iron bands, holding Naruto against him, one hand finding his hair, the other still on his hips. “This is my fault. I made you do this…I should have explained it better. I’m sorry, Naruto. I’m so…” Sasuke trailed off, his face pressed against Naruto’s shoulder, and suddenly, his whole body let out a shuddering spasm, and with some shock, Naruto realized Sasuke was crying.

“Don’t be upset, Sasuke,” he whispered, not sure what was making the other man lose his composure. “you didn’t make me do anything. I’ll do anything I can to keep you, and I thought…I thought that would work.”

“No, Naruto, no,” Sasuke pulled back, tears still gleaming on his cheeks, and Naruto thought briefly that even when he was crying, Sasuke was beautiful. It was amazing. “I’d do anything for you. Don’t you see? If we’re together, if we live together, it could destroy your chances to become Hokage. I was being selfish, keeping you near me, and I know now that it would be best if I let you go. I love you, Naruto. I’d sacrifice anything to make you happy.”

“But Sasuke,” Naruto couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or saddened by Sasuke’s words. “That doesn’t make any sense. What’s the point of being Hokage if I can’t be at your side? Maybe it will hurt my chances, but I don’t care. I already have a demon inside me, and that’s not helping me out any. I can’t control that, but this, this I can choose. I love you, I don’t want to give you up for anything.”

“You…” Sasuke froze again, his whole body becoming tense, his eyes widening in shock. “You love me?”

“Of course.” Naruto snorted as though this was a silly question. “How could I not?”

“Naruto…” Sasuke felt as though he could fly. “I love you, too. If you want to stay here…you know what it means…”

“Yes I want to stay! What was all that about, anyway?” Naruto answered impatiently.

“Good…yes, of course I want to stay with you.” Sasuke felt he might start crying again, but instead he kissed Naruto’s cheeks, tasting the other man’s tears. “Never do something like that again. I wouldn’t want it to be like that. I want you to want it; I don’t want you to do that because you think it will make me love you more. That’s not even possible, idiot.”

“Ah…ah.” Naruto didn’t know what to say to that.

“Let’s take a bath.” Sasuke suggested, and at first Naruto was confused as the other ninja hopped out of bed and lifted him up like he was a girl. “That might help your…might make it feel better…you know.”

“It’s not…so bad.” Naruto told him as they entered the bathroom.

“Naruto...” Sasuke couldn’t say what he was feeling, he couldn’t tell Naruto that he felt guilty and horrible, like he should have anticipated that his lover would force himself, and he should have been able to stop it before it happened. He wanted to make all the misunderstandings and well-intended pain from the past day go away, and do it all over again. He was so confused in that moment, part of him feeling like the most evil fiend, terrified that he had hurt Naruto the same way his brother had. Then there was the ecstatic joy of knowing that Naruto really loved him, and had said the words. He didn’t know how to say what he was feeling, what he wanted, but Naruto was staring at him and he saw the turmoil in his jet black eyes, and somehow, he seemed to understand.

“Okay then.” He smiled softly as Sasuke let him sit while he filled up the large, deep bathtub in silence, discarding his shorts before both of them climbed in. Naruto let out a deep, contented sigh as he sunk chest deep in the steaming water, moving so that he was lying against Sasuke’s chest, their legs aligned, his arms floating, tangling with Sasuke’s own. He let his head tilt back, cushioned against the junction of Sasuke’s shoulder as the pale ninja ran his damp fingertips gently over the length of Naruto’s arms, then back down to his fingers. It was incredibly soothing and warm and wonderful here, and Naruto felt he couldn’t decide between whether he wanted to fall asleep in Sasuke’s arms, or stay awake and enjoy this sensation for as long as it lasted.

“Is this alright?” Sasuke’s mouth brushed over Naruto’s cheek as he spoke in a soft tone, as though he thought speaking too loud would break the peaceful atmosphere.

“Feels great,” Naruto blinked slowly, letting his eyes sink shut. “You make everything better, even baths.” He joked sleepily.

“Do you remember when we were…when we came home together?” Sasuke still spoke in a muted voice. “Do you remember how I helped you take a bath?”

“Mmhm,” Naruto nodded slightly. “Did a good job.”

“Honestly, I’d have stayed there for hours.” Sasuke let out a soft chuckle. “I love just looking at you, feeling your skin.”

Naruto sighed deeply and yawned. “Sounds good, touch as much as you want,” he smiled slightly and turned, brushing his lips over Sasuke’s damp neck.

“Naruto,” Sasuke wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he moved on, his tone somber now. “Did it hurt?” Naruto was silent, and Sasuke could feel him stiffen, and he pressed on. “I need to know, Naruto. Did I hurt you?”

“It wasn’t you,” he answered in a softer tone. “I was the one who—“

“Did it hurt?” Sasuke gripped Naruto’s wrists firmly, and the blonde sighed before answering in a faint whisper.

“Yes.”

“I shouldn’t have made you think you had to do that.” Sasuke’s tone was guilty, and Naruto turned in the water, straddling Sasuke’s lap, and suddenly the pale man seemed to have lost his words.

“Don’t say you’re sorry.” Naruto’s voice brooked no argument. “You may have said some things, but I was the idiot who thought…that was a good idea.”

“I just…I worry,” Sasuke admitted. “You try to barter with your body for this to keep going. The stupid thing is that you know I love you, and you still think that would make me happy…hurting you, using you like that? Promise me you won’t do that ever again. It hurts to see how little you value yourself.”

“Okay,” Naruto let his head drop to Sasuke’s shoulder. “I promise.”

“And just so you know,” Sasuke spoke up after a long silence. “It doesn’t hurt as much if you use some lube instead of just sticking it in like that.”

“How would you even know that!?” Naruto cried out in indignation, and Sasuke neatly dodged answering by tickling the other man senseless.

----------

“She didn’t really seem that upset.” Naruto frowned a week later as Sasuke and he removed their shoes. “I thought she’d start crying or something. Or at least seem a little more surprised.”

“Sakura’s smart, remember,” Sasuke strode from the entrance to the kitchen. “She probably noticed something between us already. And I told you, I’m pretty sure she’s seeing Sai secretly.”

“Why would she be seeing him in secret?” Naruto scoffed, brushing past Sasuke and looking through the fridge before leaning against the counter with a disconsolate frown.

“So you wouldn’t be upset.” Sasuke explained. “The same reason you’ve been seeing me in secret.”

“I just think she’s fickle, then.” Naruto pouted. “I mean, she chased after you for years, and it takes her about one month to get through her thing for me.”

“It’s not a competition.” Sasuke reminded him, setting down the glass he’d just drained of water and pressing him body against Naruto’s, trapping him against the counter by placing his arms on either side of them. “Besides, if you’re in love with me, why would you care what she thinks of you?”

“You’re right, I know,” Naruto frowned, lowering his eyes. “But it seems unfair that I was after her for so long and she moves on just like that.”

“Are you still…” Sasuke wasn’t sure how to ask the question, and it caught painfully in his throat.

“No, I’m definitely over her.” Naruto assured him. “I just wonder if it’s because of me. If things ended between us, would you be able to move on that fast?”

“Naruto, I can’t imagine wanting to move on.” Sasuke answered, kissing his temple softly. “So no, I don’t think I could. But I’m in love with you, and I think I always will be.”

“Me too,” Naruto flushed lightly, reassured by Sasuke’s words. He turned his chin up, kissing the other man warmly, biting at his lip a bit and sighing happily as he felt Sasuke’s arms wrap around him. “I never thought I could be here.” He spoke his thoughts, and Sasuke nuzzled his neck.

“Here with me?” Sasuke asked, running a hand to the waistband of Naruto’s pants and then sliding it up and into his shirt, enjoying the feel of hot skin against his fingers.

“Mm, yeah, I didn’t ever expect things…to get like this.” Naruto tilted his throat back as Sasuke lavished attention on it. “And I never expected to be this happy.”

“Ever?” Sasuke asked, looking up at Naruto and then chuckling slightly. “Yeah, me either.”

Naruto smiled and leaned in for another kiss, a long, slow, loving exchange as he let his fingers brush through Sasuke’s raven locks, knowing that this was the best thing he’d ever had, and trying to ignore the nagging fears that someday, Sasuke might leave him again. If he ever left again, it might kill me.

“Come on,” Sasuke pulled Naruto away from the counter, out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into the bedroom. Feeling slightly giddy, Naruto didn’t even attempt to repress the giggle that burst from his lips as he was pulled down into the soft mattress. He let his eyes close for a moment to enjoy the feel of Sasuke’s arms encircling him, the reassuring warm pressure of his body on top of Naruto’s, the sweet scent of him making it clear that this was Sasuke, who would never hurt him, who only ever made him feel good, who loved him just as Naruto loved Sasuke.

Naruto sighed contentedly, his eyes opening lazily as he kissed Sasuke languidly, letting the other man slowly pull his clothes off. Naruto made an attempt to remove Sasuke’s shirt, but it was clear that this was going nowhere. He was not paying attention to much of anything besides the feeling of Sasuke’s hands caressing him and Sasuke’s lips kissing every bit of skin that was exposed, moving about over him so that Naruto was hard-pressed to even reach his shirt to tug at it.

Then Sasuke’s lips found something that made Naruto’s eyes widen in shocked pleasure, and when he looked down, he saw Sasuke’s own eyes trained on him, his mouth frozen with the head of Naruto’s dick between his lips, his face clearly stating that he was waiting for Naruto to either stop him or encourage him. The sight was so erotic, Naruto felt himself go from half-hard to completely erect in the space of a few seconds, and he let out a strangled gasp of pleasure.

Apparently, that was all Sasuke was waiting for. He lowered his mouth over the shaft, trying to slick it down so he could move easier. It was clear to Sasuke after a few seconds that this was not the way to go about it, and he let the whole length fall out of his lips, smirking slightly at Naruto’s protesting whimper before he held it in place and licked the bottom, causing the other man to shudder in delight. He moved down the sides, one at a time, covering them in wet kisses, then licked the top of the shaft as well before licking the bottom once more, mostly to hear the noise that Naruto made when he did it.

Having thoroughly wet it down, Sasuke took Naruto’s length in his mouth again, and avoided wincing at the sudden pain of Naruto’s hands digging into his scalp and nearly making him choke as his hips bucked upward, groaning all the while. Sasuke held Naruto’s hips down to avoid being choked and began to slowly move up and down, speeding up as he began to get the hang of letting his throat relax enough that he didn’t gag. It was a bit messy and wet, but that didn’t really bother him; he was mesmerized and completely aroused by the sounds Naruto was making, half formed pleas and loud moans of pleasure.

It wasn’t long before Naruto came into his mouth, and Sasuke grimaced slightly at the odd taste, but decided that after all that, it would look odd if he spit it out, so he swallowed and kissed Naruto, trying to get rid of the taste.

“Ugh, tastes weird.” Naruto’s complaint would have sounded more convincing if he wasn’t still bucking slightly against Sasuke. “That…felt so good.”

“I love you,” Sasuke told him, trying not to laugh at Naruto’s reaction to the flavor.

“So good,” Naruto mumbled, his eyes drooping closed as he fell asleep. Sasuke wiped his mouth and took off his own clothes before pulling a blanket over them both and simply staring at the simple beauty of Naruto’s sleeping face for quite some time.

He’s right, neither of us could have ever expected life to come to this point. Sasuke thought as he let a finger trace the line of his cheek. I gave up on being happy years ago, I gave up on home, I gave up on any life beyond vengeance, and yet…he has a mysterious power, alright, if he has the power to save even me. Without Naruto…

He couldn’t even contemplate where he would be now, what his life would be without the friendship, the faith, and the love of this man, but he knew it would be no life worth living, especially compared to the sweet contented bliss of being with Naruto.

This must be why people get married, he thought suddenly, dropping a kiss on the sleeping man’s brow. There’s no way we can ever do that, but I know in my heart that I’ll never leave him, no matter what, and that I want only for him to stay with me. If I can have that, it’s just as good as marriage, if not better. I want our hearts to always be tied, our lives to be on the same path.

----------

“To Naruto and Sasuke! Finally we can admit that we’re friends with you guys!” Kiba lifted his glass and amidst the laughter and jeers following his toast, Sakura pelted him in the forehead with a wadded up napkin, and Sasuke let a small smile show as he heard Naruto’s appreciative laughter cut through all the other sounds. It was hard him for him to be patient with this gathering when all he wanted was to be alone with Naruto for the first time in over a week.

“Just say something!” he turned to see Ino pushing Shikamaru to his feet, the lazy ninja’s face showing quite clearly what he thought of her bossy insistence.

“Stop being so troublesome!” he hissed before resignedly lifting his glass and pursing his lips a moment before addressing his two friends. “The only advice I can give you is to stay where you are. When you’re a jounin they make you work more than ever. I wish I could just get demoted back into easy-street where you two are.”

“Is that why you’re always late?” Kiba spoke up cheekily, “I thought it was Ino keeping you busy.”

“Mind your damn business.” Shikamaru sat back down sulkily and took a great draught of his beer, while Ino glared daggers at Kiba, looking slightly less threatening for her furious blush.

“Who’s next?” Chouji detracted the focus from his two friends’ private lives and looked around. “We should all have speeches for the new chuunin!”

“I could make a speech, I think.” Sai stood suddenly, beaming brightly as Sakura rolled her eyes and buried her face in her hands as though too terrified to even watch what was going to happen. “It’s meant to be about them, right?” he asked the others, who weren’t sure how to answer, and taking their silence for agreement, he went on. “Sasuke, I think you should know that if you ever change your mind about being part of Konoha again, I’m still well qualified to kick your ass. Naruto, I’m glad that you were able to get the vest, but I think it proves you really are dickless, if you chose training over Sakura. She probably would have had sex with you by now, and you should know—“

“Okay, you’re done.” Sakura’s horror had been overcome by anger, and Sai was now flat on his back. “Sorry, guys. You know how Sai is.”

“Sakura, why can’t you teach your boyfriend how to act like a normal human being?” Ino asked, and the pink-haired girl let out a shill laugh.

“Because yours is renowned for his social grace, right?” She shot back, and Ino nearly went purple. “Yeah, okay, just so you know, everyone knows about you two.”

“Fine, less trouble if I don’t have to keep it secret.” Shikamaru drained his glass and Ino sighed heavily.

“Sadly, that’s probably the most romantic thing he’s ever said.” Ino admitted, and Sasuke’s internal warnings went off. He could sense a gossip session brewing, and he didn’t want to be anywhere near it.

“This was really great,” he spoke up swiftly, and everyone turned to him, clearly expecting the guests of honor would both have speeches as well. “But I need to sleep, and I haven’t had a real bath in a week.” He stood up before the protest started, and Naruto leapt to his side at once.

“No, they always leave first!” he could hear Ino’s shrill complaint in the hall, and heard Sakura say something about needing private time with Naruto, which caused the room to burst into laughter.

It had been nearly a year since he returned to Konoha, and he had finally had a chance to take the chuunin examination again with Naruto. This time, they both coasted through the test, though it had been fun to go through the missions involved. Their friends insisted on having a big party for them, since they were the last two of the group to become chuunin, and of course, Naruto had wanted to go. But Sasuke felt he was starving for the other man, and he couldn’t wait to get home.

Their friends all knew about their relationship, and none of them had really seemed upset, except Ino, who had sent Naruto several threatening letters before suddenly seeming to forget about the whole thing. Interestingly, that was when Sakura mentioned that she thought Ino was dating someone in secret, though it had taken all of her skills and another month to discover that the mysterious someone was Shikamaru. She had been full of ruthless triumph when she discovered the truth, ready to expose it to all of their friends at once before Naruto pointed out in a moment of rare wisdom that it was silly of someone who had spent months hiding her own relationship to go around exposing others, and that had been the end of it. Everyone had figured it out in their own time, anyway, and Sakura had reluctantly taken Sai public a few months ago, speculating over whether he was “ready for the responsibility of being her public boyfriend.” Naruto had offered the opinion that it was probably a valid concern, but Sasuke was glad to see their friend happy, even if her life was a bit…unconventional. So was his, after all.

“God, finally!” Naruto slammed the door shut behind them and pulled Sasuke’s body against his, both of them still fully dressed, “I haven’t been alone with you in forever!”

“I thought I’d die,” Sasuke kicked off his shoes, pulling at the fastenings on Naruto’s vest, pressing to his lips as if he was starving for their taste. “Why’d you want to go to that party if you were wanting this as bad as me?” he asked huskily, letting Naruto pull his own vest off as he steered him toward the bedroom.

“I didn’t realize how much I missed you until you were there next to me and all I could really do is hold your hand.” Naruto explained as Sasuke pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside. “I mean…they know, but I’m not going to just…”

“I know,” Sasuke pulled off his own shirt now and unfastened his shorts as they entered the room. Naruto kicked his own pants aside and nearly tackled Sasuke onto the bed. “When the girls see us…they get so…”

“They revert to fan girls,” Naruto finished with a sharp laugh, tossing Sasuke’s underwear to one side and began sucking at Sasuke’s neck.

“Mmm,” Sasuke sighed happily, “I missed you so much. I saw you every day, but it wasn’t…”

“Like this?” Naruto’s voice was soft and husky as he wrapped his fingers around Sasuke’s shaft. “I missed sleeping together.”

“I missed your mouth,” Sasuke kissed the mouth in question and shoved Naruto’s own underwear down, gripping the other’s hard shaft with familiar confidence. “I missed all of you.”

“You make it sound so nice,” Naruto chuckled. “I can tell you’re just after sex.”

“Then stop talking and start doing it.” Sasuke hissed, arching his back and grinding against the other man, who growled in pleasure before reaching to the side table, groping for a jar that he opened and dipped two fingers into while Sasuke watched him with sultry, impatient eyes. This was how it had been their first time. Naruto had been on top, pushing into Sasuke, who had probably thought that it was the best way to make Naruto feel good about having sex, and had been right. Sasuke was sometimes on top as well, and Naruto had been thrilled to find that it didn’t feel at all like a sacrifice, that it wasn’t horrible and dirty at all, but wonderful and joyous.

But that first time, my hands shook so bad I thought he’d feel it when I stretched him, Naruto thought as he pressed two fingers into Sasuke’s entrance, sighing happily as Sasuke moaned in pleasure and squirmed slightly as he began to move them, scissoring the digits, stretching the hole easily. He was so tight, I thought I’d hurt him, and even though I was on top, he had to guide me, he had to calm me down, make me relax so that I could go through with it. And once I was in him…

Naruto could never forget the wondrous feeling of being inside Sasuke, of being a part of him, and he thought even if something happened to Sasuke tomorrow and he could never have that sense of completion again, he would always remember what it had been like, and hunger to have it once more.

Sasuke was calling for him to do it, to put it in, and Naruto was only too ready to oblige. Removing his digits, he tilted Sasuke’s hips upwards and slid his length into the slick entrance, grunting at the unbelievable tight heat holding him in, pulling him in, making them one.

“I love you,” Naruto was only half aware he’d spoken the words aloud as he began to move when he could tell Sasuke was ready, gripping the other man’s hips in his, drinking in the sounds of Sasuke’s groans and grunts and whimpers, mesmerized by the beauty of his sweat-slicked ivory skin. “God, I love you.”

“I love…oh god, like that!” Sasuke squeezed his grip on Naruto’s sides, and he wondered without worry if there would be marks. Probably. Sasuke was strong enough to leave bruises when he wasn’t excited. Naruto sped up, seeing that Sasuke was closing in on his orgasm, and wanting to be there with him. He lost himself to the sweet, irresistible feeling, knowing that he was crying out, but unable to really tell which voice was his and which was Sasuke’s. And in that moment, he could feel Sasuke’s heart as if it were his own, and he knew that this perfection, this wonderful pleasure had to be good, had to be right, had to be love, and he came, calling out Sasuke’s name, and feeling the other man’s seed squirt against his own belly and chest before he collapsed, sighing happily.

“I love you,” he said again, forgetting he’d just said it twice, and Sasuke wrapped his arms around him lazily, smiling with half-closed eyes.

“I love you too.” He answered, and Naruto knew then that Sasuke really never would leave him. He loved him, and it was silly to doubt. This was love, and whatever anyone thought, be it the villagers or the Council, whatever the consequences, Naruto knew that any sacrifice was worth a life lived with Sasuke. In his mind, that was the only life worth living now that he had tasted it.

*****

The End